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Post by David Sanchez on May 26, 2018 6:48:32 GMT -5
Looking for a bit of constructive criticism on my Asesinato RP as it's the first I've written since Showdown or something last year. I know the spacing, structure and layout are a bit fucked, so some advice there would be great. I done the whole thing on a tablet, so it's not perfect as I'm technologically disabled. But yeah, I want some decent feedback on this to help me going forward in this new WCF. Probably the first thing I've done that's under 7k So yeah, Singh, Odin, etc... Come at me. -- Sancho. wcfwrestling.proboards.com/thread/37137/reasons-wretched-divine
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Post by Dionysus on May 27, 2018 17:44:26 GMT -5
Eh, looks alright.
Kidding, I'll be thorough.
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Post by Dionysus on May 27, 2018 18:02:37 GMT -5
Out the gate, I didn't notice any weird formatting issues. Seemed fine from what I could see.
Now, the meat-and-potatoes of the matter:
I like how you didn't dwell on the reasons you left, or what happened in the past. The Sanchez I'm familiar with shrugs, says shit happens, and gets back to business. That's what this RP was; a return to form. Considering your usual word count, you managed to get everything important into the RP and leaving yourself enough to tell later on.
That said, I'd be curious to see if any of Sanchez's mannerisms and attitude changed since his last departure.
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Post by David Sanchez on May 28, 2018 14:05:38 GMT -5
Hey, thanks for getting on this.
I'm still a bit iffy about the layout etc, but could be because I'm used to writing books, idk.
Felt a bit hollow for me, but I/we are going for a slow build and reveal for the rationale behind the whole Bonnie/Sanchez thing.
I tried to work in the restless pacing and fidgeting as telltale signs of withdrawals, basically trying to spread his being off heroin across everything I write rather than a series of rehab based RPs, although those may still come; motivation pending. To be honest, I don't know if those mannerisms actually made the final cut, I'll have to check. The original landed about 6k and I had to trim the fat.
Cheers for checking this out man, appreciate it.
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Post by Kid Dynamo on May 28, 2018 18:05:39 GMT -5
I wouldn’t worry too much about “trimming the fat” unless someone tells you too. That’s one thing I appreciate is how the word count is soft; write what you feel is right and if it’s a little over, its nbd.
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Post by David Sanchez on May 28, 2018 23:32:16 GMT -5
Haha, yeah I'll be sticking to it. Fell for that one before lol.
Figure it's easier if we all get along, and I was averaging like 8k a week on my last run.
Done me no favours, pissed off a lot of people and caused a super burnout in about 6 months.
So, I've swore to stick to it at all times, except shit like War etc.
Again, there are times when you need a few hundred words extra here and there, sure.
And yeah, a return RP is one of those times usually
So you can cover the obvious shit (where have you been, why are you back, etc...)
But yeah, I went the other way with it and kept all those answers in on purpose, I hope that seemed deliberate enough.
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