Post by Stephen Singh on May 21, 2018 11:46:24 GMT -5
Happy Monday y'all.
That means that since there's no card (oh AND no results? cool story Jayson Price ) it's time for your weekly opportunity to hear my unofficial and basically irrelevant opinion on your RPs. Since last week I did two of the freshest off the boat, I'll start with an old friendo: Teo! Here ya go, amigo:
Thumbs Up
--this felt like a classic Teo RP. No brooding, no "who am I/what does it mean?" etc just some pure white meat baby face work which I was able to really enjoy
--Book of Light vs Book of eXtreme and the King of Darkness; [borat voice] VERRRRY NICE
--I wasn't fond of the style when I first started reading your RPs (shit, like...two years ago now?) but I like the way you separate one or two sentences out into their own paragraphs pretty often. It gives them some added heft and meaning somehow and it makes me feel like Teo takes his time when speaking and chooses his words carefully which is a nice juxtaposition to guys like Singh who never stop running their mouth.
--I didn't realize initially that the buckets were obviously going to be empty but I think that's the sign of a decent little story. The ending seems obvious and to fit perfectly in retrospect but you didn't necessarily see it ocming
Frowny Emoji
--You know what I'm going to say right? I mean...we both know I'm going to say more shoot. That said, I actually loved the shoot you did "darkness always fears the light" is great stuff for Teo vs Mikey. But I know shoot's your least favorite part to write so I won't belabor this point
--So i loved 90-95% of your shoot/face work but there were a few moments where it might've edged JUST too far into slightly hokey territory where I feel like Teo is really for the kids. but that may be the note you're hoping to hit so grain of salt and all that.
--careful with the spacing; it looks like you've got a copy and paste issue maybe and it put more page breaks in than you really intended between paragraphs making it less of an easy read than it could be. That's all semantics of course but I used to get this problem too until I started pasting it into the BBCode tab and then switching to 'preview' mode to edit and it seemed to have cured this problem.
--you downplayed the Omega Title when I really feel like it could be a lynchpin for why this match against Mikey matters for you. You still managed to make it matter but I feel like your guys' (fairly storied) history could've been played up a bit more. This of course might be overkill for just a Slam match but just a thought.
Air Quotes Emoji (does that exist? either way these were my favorite lines)
--"Sorry, I don’t do scared." juicy, juicy white meat baby face stuff that you lead up to and gave it its own space to breath. Noice.
--"A burden is only a benefit so long as it carries with it a struggle." put that text over a picture of a sunset or some exercise routine and you've got yourself a thousand instagram likes
--"I am the man standing and looking at a sea of infinite troubles, of every possible turmoil and terror, and looking it right in the face.
I do not fight fire with fire.
I do not fight darkness with anger, or rage….
I fight with hope." ((chef's kiss gesture))
alright anybody else wanna hop on this pain train? Preferably guys I didn't do last week. <---phrasing
That means that since there's no card (oh AND no results? cool story Jayson Price ) it's time for your weekly opportunity to hear my unofficial and basically irrelevant opinion on your RPs. Since last week I did two of the freshest off the boat, I'll start with an old friendo: Teo! Here ya go, amigo:
Thumbs Up
--this felt like a classic Teo RP. No brooding, no "who am I/what does it mean?" etc just some pure white meat baby face work which I was able to really enjoy
--Book of Light vs Book of eXtreme and the King of Darkness; [borat voice] VERRRRY NICE
--I wasn't fond of the style when I first started reading your RPs (shit, like...two years ago now?) but I like the way you separate one or two sentences out into their own paragraphs pretty often. It gives them some added heft and meaning somehow and it makes me feel like Teo takes his time when speaking and chooses his words carefully which is a nice juxtaposition to guys like Singh who never stop running their mouth.
--I didn't realize initially that the buckets were obviously going to be empty but I think that's the sign of a decent little story. The ending seems obvious and to fit perfectly in retrospect but you didn't necessarily see it ocming
Frowny Emoji
--You know what I'm going to say right? I mean...we both know I'm going to say more shoot. That said, I actually loved the shoot you did "darkness always fears the light" is great stuff for Teo vs Mikey. But I know shoot's your least favorite part to write so I won't belabor this point
--So i loved 90-95% of your shoot/face work but there were a few moments where it might've edged JUST too far into slightly hokey territory where I feel like Teo is really for the kids. but that may be the note you're hoping to hit so grain of salt and all that.
--careful with the spacing; it looks like you've got a copy and paste issue maybe and it put more page breaks in than you really intended between paragraphs making it less of an easy read than it could be. That's all semantics of course but I used to get this problem too until I started pasting it into the BBCode tab and then switching to 'preview' mode to edit and it seemed to have cured this problem.
--you downplayed the Omega Title when I really feel like it could be a lynchpin for why this match against Mikey matters for you. You still managed to make it matter but I feel like your guys' (fairly storied) history could've been played up a bit more. This of course might be overkill for just a Slam match but just a thought.
Air Quotes Emoji (does that exist? either way these were my favorite lines)
--"Sorry, I don’t do scared." juicy, juicy white meat baby face stuff that you lead up to and gave it its own space to breath. Noice.
--"A burden is only a benefit so long as it carries with it a struggle." put that text over a picture of a sunset or some exercise routine and you've got yourself a thousand instagram likes
--"I am the man standing and looking at a sea of infinite troubles, of every possible turmoil and terror, and looking it right in the face.
I do not fight fire with fire.
I do not fight darkness with anger, or rage….
I fight with hope." ((chef's kiss gesture))
alright anybody else wanna hop on this pain train? Preferably guys I didn't do last week. <---phrasing