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Post by Teo Blaze on May 20, 2018 12:14:08 GMT -5
Hey guys, it's been a blast settling back down into the Teo del Sol character. It's like putting on a pair of pants that always just fit you a certain way. With that said, I notice people have been more enthusiastic about providing feedback lately, so I would love to hear what you guys are thinking of Teo's story so far! I appreciate any feedback, and will do my best not to be defensive. The goal is to make a story that you as a reader want to read, so just let me know what you think! Thanks in advance! This Week's RP
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Post by Kid Dynamo on May 20, 2018 14:35:37 GMT -5
Three things I liked:
1) You’re very good at description. I had such a clear image of a sleepy desert town in Mexico that it actually threw me for a loop when TDS spoke English. (Side note: I think it would be awesome if Teo actually did kinda like Alberto del Rio where when he got really emotional he’d speak in Spanish, since English is his second language and in a moment of passion he wouldn’t be able to stop and translate it into English.)
2) Genunine face promos are HARD, so I’ll give credit any time someone commits to a white-meat babyface and has an engaging promo.
3) I liked how it ended with him not getting the water. I understand the parallel to “not rushing things” but I also saw a metaphor of the personal burden of being a hero, in that even when things don’t go the way they’re supposed to, you still can’t fret or panic or whine. Generally, resilience is what really sets apart the face from the heel, and it’s clear Teo is a resilient individual.
Three things I didn’t like:
1) Remember that time Vincent did a promo in all white and some guy gave him a link to dozens of bbcode colors to spice up his promo? That dude was a genius.
2) Be careful when you throw in stuff like laughing about what kind of movies Michael would like. I think you recovered fine, but Teo leans more towards John Cena than The Rock on the face spectrum, and Cena is at his absolute worst when he’s being silly and cracking jokes about his opponents like they aren’t a big deal. The best parts of your promo were in building up Michael’s evilness so you look that much stronger as the man to overcome it.
3) I admittedly am not well-versed in the TDS mythos, but unless that’s sun book has been established as mystical or centrally iconic, it was weird how it magically turned night into day. If that is a normal thing that you’ve established before, then disregard.
Bottom Line: I’m not the judge, so #GrainOfSalt, but I view a true Lawful Good face as a quarterback throwing a pass, in that, if he throws a great ball in the right spot, even the best cornerback won’t be able to defend it. I thought this was really good especially given the added degree of difficulty imposed by being a rare efed good guy.
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Post by Teo Blaze on May 20, 2018 15:36:27 GMT -5
Thank you for the advice!
The book was actually meant to subvert the "book of extreme" trope that Michael uses. At this point we've had so many matches that I was trying to use wordplay with "final chapter" lol.
Edit: also, English is his first language lol. I need to update my bio a bit but Teo is a gringo who turned to Lucha Libre as a form of personal redemption. I take it as a huge compliment though because he is meant to be kind of between two cultures, US and Mexican wrestling lol.
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Post by Teo Blaze on May 28, 2018 13:00:22 GMT -5
You guys have been a tremendous help already, and I tried to incorporate some of the feedback into this week's RP. I will gladly offer feedback if anyone wants to know what I think of theirs also, but I would love to hear what you guys thought of this week, as well as the direction Teo is going lol. This Week's RP
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