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Post by Vincent Augustine on May 17, 2018 17:35:27 GMT -5
Feel free to let me have it, always looking for ways to improve. Thanks in advance guys.
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Post by Kid Dynamo on May 19, 2018 0:01:54 GMT -5
Three things I liked: 1) Taking liberties with what God looks and acts like. It made for an interesting spin on both the “talking to God” and “training to fight” tropes. 2) The interplay with Augustus made me curious where this companionship will lead, and it’s always a bonus when readers are looking forward to the next part of the story. 3) Henry’s reaction to Woken Vincent (couldn’t resist) helped sell that it was a major change in his personality. It is my opinion that, whenever two personalities are interacting, one has to be the straight man and the other the oddball. In this case, Henry representing a normal person amplified Vincent. Three things I didn’t like: 1) That said, I didn’t think you went far enough. Suggestion: get sickly descriptive. “I’m going to hurt you” versus “I will delight in the wet crunch sound your fibula will make when I shatter it into pieces and force it to explode through your feeble flesh”. 2) I’m just gonna leave this link listing dozens of bbcode-accepted color choices and let you decide what to do with it. absitomen.com/index.php?topic=331.03) I don’t have a problem with just wanting to hurt fools, and I don’t have a problem with hedging your bets and acknowledging that it’s possible you won’t win, but I don’t think you need to go so far as to act like you don’t care at all whether you win or lose. Bottom Line: absitomen.com/index.php?topic=331.0But seriously, it kept my attention and is an interesting storyline but I think you need to just lean harder into the things that you think make Vincent unique. If he’s buying into Augustus’s Gloop (#SWIDT), make him a zealot of the Church of Wyoming. If he’s in it to hurt people, make him sound like he spends his off time daydreaming about how good it feels to hurt people. I think that would really add some... ...wait for it... ...”color” to what’s already solid work.
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Post by Vincent Augustine on May 19, 2018 14:01:43 GMT -5
Much appreciated
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