Only Golden God Can Judge
May 14, 2018 10:12:42 GMT -5
God King Dune, Kid Dynamo, and 1 more like this
Post by Stephen Singh on May 14, 2018 10:12:42 GMT -5
Sup my fuckchops?!
With such an exciting influx offresh meat new talent I thought it pertinent for one of the old guard (jk, Corey Black still considers me a n00b) to offer up some Feedback since it seems everyone is eager to get theirs critiqued/commented on.
I can't promise this every week but if I've got the time I'll try to give three different RPs some feedback each week. (maybe it'll be the first three that request, maybe I'll try to give different people looks in different weeks)
FYI, I don't get a say in Ws and Ls and speak for neither Corey nor Jayson in exactly what THEY are looking for but I think I've got a decent handle on what the WCF generally wants in an RP. If you want real concrete feedback on why you lost to person X at event Y, direct message Jayson Price and he'll give you some semblance of answer when he's sober enough.
Also, get salty/defensive about feedback after I spend my personal goddamn time trying to help you/the fed get better and I'm going in on you until one of us gets banned. That's just how it has to be.
I'll start with Kid Dynamo since he already posted a request and nobody's given him anything yet....
Here's the brief description of what RPs are judged on by the way so I'll try to keep this in mind as I give feedback:
Chapter 1: Start Books at the Beginning
Positive Pete
--I love it when we get new guys in here who hit the ground running like this, great first effort
--It appears you have a real handle on your character right out of the gate. His voice is clear and defined and the shoot seems to flow pretty easily making it more effective
--The framing of the RP/what I assume will be your over-arching story as a biography on Dynamo is interesting. I like that we've got an internal monologue from a writer who's skeptical of KD, sort of aligning him as an audience surrogate. This can be very effective for storytelling/keeping a smug bastard a bit interesting or undercut as necessary
--Clear writing style, easy to follow, proper formatting. For anybody else reading this, these three things are more important than you think. Simple readability can tip the scales in a close call match up.
Negative Ned
--Though I like the biography framing as I said above and setting it in the future is certainly an interesting choice, I think it might paint you into some corners in the future. I.e., you stated that the battle royale headlined the show that night which it, uhhh, won't. Granted you can explain this away with the fact that we're being told all of this stuff by the future unreliable narrator that is Dynamo but if you're going to that well often, it's going to get old.
--The other thing about the biography framing is that it SHOULD be hard to shoot on because it's taking place in the future/theoretically we may not know about it. And I guess this is more of just a warning than criticism but people WILL shoot on it as part of your promo/as though they are actually seeing it in real time. Normally, I'd say it's kind of BS to do that since it's clearly in your character development portion/seems unlikely to be aired as a "promo" but keep in mind that anything you type in an RP some people will take as promo and use in their shoot, etc.
--Defending the notion of shooting on you for the CD stuff, I'd say you aren't giving them much else. That is, all of your CD/your story is in the future and as far as kayfabe goes, not being currently aired by the WCF. The other portion of your promo is simply disembodied voice with no location or scene setting, no story, etc, it's just straight shoot. As I said, it's good shoot. But it's a bit empty without scene or story to it, it's just words on a page; he has no relationships, no characters, no sense of place.
"Life isn’t a fairy tale, it’s an improv solo, and if you barely have the chops to beat Judge freakin’ Tennison, then, trust me, you can’t handle my chord progressions, Johnny."
"I gotta warn y'all, I'm REALLY good at this." (this felt like you've used it before but it's still a great opening salvo. I would've liked to see it start the entire RP to really set the tone)
Like I said, overall this was a GREAT debut RP. I'm fully prepared to be annoyed when KD's bullshit about being the next TV Champ comes true and everything seems to go exactly how future Dynamo is laying it out. If the TV Title isn't in your future, try to hook up with one of these other high potential new guys so the two of you can run a feud/get yourselves over in a hurry here. Feuds are better for that than Title runs half the time.
With such an exciting influx of
I can't promise this every week but if I've got the time I'll try to give three different RPs some feedback each week. (maybe it'll be the first three that request, maybe I'll try to give different people looks in different weeks)
FYI, I don't get a say in Ws and Ls and speak for neither Corey nor Jayson in exactly what THEY are looking for but I think I've got a decent handle on what the WCF generally wants in an RP. If you want real concrete feedback on why you lost to person X at event Y, direct message Jayson Price and he'll give you some semblance of answer when he's sober enough.
Also, get salty/defensive about feedback after I spend my personal goddamn time trying to help you/the fed get better and I'm going in on you until one of us gets banned. That's just how it has to be.
I'll start with Kid Dynamo since he already posted a request and nobody's given him anything yet....
Here's the brief description of what RPs are judged on by the way so I'll try to keep this in mind as I give feedback:
Roleplays will be judged on match relevance, writing style, innovation.. to put it plainly, "entertainment value." I'll basically judge on what was most enjoyable to read and relevant to your opponent/match.
**************************************************
Chapter 1: Start Books at the Beginning
Positive Pete
--I love it when we get new guys in here who hit the ground running like this, great first effort
--It appears you have a real handle on your character right out of the gate. His voice is clear and defined and the shoot seems to flow pretty easily making it more effective
--The framing of the RP/what I assume will be your over-arching story as a biography on Dynamo is interesting. I like that we've got an internal monologue from a writer who's skeptical of KD, sort of aligning him as an audience surrogate. This can be very effective for storytelling/keeping a smug bastard a bit interesting or undercut as necessary
--Clear writing style, easy to follow, proper formatting. For anybody else reading this, these three things are more important than you think. Simple readability can tip the scales in a close call match up.
Negative Ned
--Though I like the biography framing as I said above and setting it in the future is certainly an interesting choice, I think it might paint you into some corners in the future. I.e., you stated that the battle royale headlined the show that night which it, uhhh, won't. Granted you can explain this away with the fact that we're being told all of this stuff by the future unreliable narrator that is Dynamo but if you're going to that well often, it's going to get old.
--The other thing about the biography framing is that it SHOULD be hard to shoot on because it's taking place in the future/theoretically we may not know about it. And I guess this is more of just a warning than criticism but people WILL shoot on it as part of your promo/as though they are actually seeing it in real time. Normally, I'd say it's kind of BS to do that since it's clearly in your character development portion/seems unlikely to be aired as a "promo" but keep in mind that anything you type in an RP some people will take as promo and use in their shoot, etc.
--Defending the notion of shooting on you for the CD stuff, I'd say you aren't giving them much else. That is, all of your CD/your story is in the future and as far as kayfabe goes, not being currently aired by the WCF. The other portion of your promo is simply disembodied voice with no location or scene setting, no story, etc, it's just straight shoot. As I said, it's good shoot. But it's a bit empty without scene or story to it, it's just words on a page; he has no relationships, no characters, no sense of place.
****************************************
Favorite Line(s):"Life isn’t a fairy tale, it’s an improv solo, and if you barely have the chops to beat Judge freakin’ Tennison, then, trust me, you can’t handle my chord progressions, Johnny."
"I gotta warn y'all, I'm REALLY good at this." (this felt like you've used it before but it's still a great opening salvo. I would've liked to see it start the entire RP to really set the tone)
********************************
Like I said, overall this was a GREAT debut RP. I'm fully prepared to be annoyed when KD's bullshit about being the next TV Champ comes true and everything seems to go exactly how future Dynamo is laying it out. If the TV Title isn't in your future, try to hook up with one of these other high potential new guys so the two of you can run a feud/get yourselves over in a hurry here. Feuds are better for that than Title runs half the time.