James Wolf
Mid-Carder
"Come fight me, bitch!"
Posts: 691
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Post by James Wolf on May 9, 2018 21:50:38 GMT -5
Need feedback for both of my rps. Rip them apart. Need to know what I can improve on for future plans I have coming up. I have thick skin. You will not hurt my feelings.
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Post by Sam Shields on May 10, 2018 6:58:09 GMT -5
The flow was good, but pure response rps aren't very creative. Maybe work on that and you should be good.
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James Wolf
Mid-Carder
"Come fight me, bitch!"
Posts: 691
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Post by James Wolf on May 10, 2018 14:04:28 GMT -5
Thank you for the response. It should be fixed after these results are up
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Post by Kid Dynamo on May 12, 2018 18:27:51 GMT -5
Three things I liked:
1) Some detail about Nashville made your character more real. It’s always nice when every detail, to include stuff like hometown and what kind of camera you use, actually builds on the depth of the character rather than just random irrelevant trivia.
2) A unique way to address (and counter) Kid Dynamo’s veteran “tricks” was to threaten to kick the shit outta me later if I tried. Generally, the whole idea of using a cheap shot is as a shortcut for someone who can’t get out of the situation “the right way”. That kind of person might think twice about whether that eye poke is worth calling your bluff. I thought it was a step above the cliche “I’m too smart to fall for it”.
3) It sounds like you have a pretty well-defined concept of what Morby does during the time he’s not on camera. I’d like to see more of that. Consider how Abraxis’ RP started with discussing the factual details of the battle royal as a wife to show his confidence and his wife’s worry. I think if you decided to do a scene like that, you already know exactly the kind of interaction they’d have because you really seem to know your wrestler.
Three things I didn’t like:
1) #PersonalOpinion - I think overt WWE references kill the suspension of disbelief. WWE doesn’t exist in this universe because WCF is the WWE of this universe. Specifically, just saying “you call yourself a God? Huh. Never heard THAT before” and it’s just as impactful as “JBL did it first”.
2) First-person narration is fine, as in expressing what your guy is thinking, but sometimes there just wasn’t much of a difference and it made the delivery muddy.
3) This isn’t a “what I didn’t like” as much as a suggestion: if your preferred style is to be reactive (respond to others’ promos and detail how bad they are, etc) rather than proactive (speak about past events/promos and attempt to define the talking points and force your opponent to challenge your assertions rather than compose their own, etc.), then I would recommend waiting longer in the RP week to post. You definitely appeared more comfortable responding to Sammy and Abraxis than you did talking about guys like Enlil and Cross who as of yet haven’t spoken publicly, so I’d imagine that, between your “best for last” RP and a theoretical RP you waited til the weekend to compose, I think you would have thought the latter was better.
Bottom Line: A solid introduction, and I think there’s room to grow so keep building and I think you got a good shot of making noise during your time here.
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James Wolf
Mid-Carder
"Come fight me, bitch!"
Posts: 691
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Post by James Wolf on May 14, 2018 7:51:54 GMT -5
Thank you. With what I have coming up you're going to see me fill in the blanks with James Wolf. I have a period of about five to six years to fill in while still expanding his WCF history. I'm taking everything into account, and while I don't have my friend who helped me write this history, I'm going to either go back to my old stuff, or recreate it to the best of my knowledge. So, it will be interesting either way.
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