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Post by Wesley Anderson on Apr 18, 2018 10:50:24 GMT -5
THIS PROMO CORNER IS NOW OFFICIALLY OPEN!!
Grading Rubric:
Flow:
Character Development:
Scene Description:
Relevance (x2):
Grade/Grade:3 or higher. Lower than 3
Pros:
Cons:
Any questions refer to the Promo Corner's runner. AKA Jordan. AKA Wesley Anderson. AKA MEEEEEEE!
Remember first come. First serve.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 20, 2018 16:54:59 GMT -5
Welp. It's probably no surprise, but can you review my "Management, Can You See Me Now?" rp? Please and thank you, I took in consideration what you said last week about details and hope I've done you proud!
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Post by Wesley Anderson on Apr 21, 2018 0:55:51 GMT -5
As always Miss Rose it will continue to be my pleasure! Welcome back to the corner! All opinions are just that, personal opinions and judges may disagree with me! With that being said however, lets get down to our review.
RP: Management, Do You See Me Now? Date: 4/19/2018 Match: Rose vs Hayes vs Rivers vs Jack Length: 2865 (Medium!) Poster: Miss Lilianna Rose
Flow: 4/5. I like your flow a good bit in this one. The use of cracking jokes on your opponents certainly fits you. I honestly think you feel more comfortable that way.
Character Development:3/5. My only real complaint here is with what is going on with your character outside of the ring..with this mimi character (her grandmother.) what does it do for Rose inside her wrestling story? Is it making her more focused because for example..my grandmother is this tough woman I've always known and I've been facing struggles. If she can get through this heart attack, I can certainly get through this shit in the ring, or is it that her mother and this torturous attitude is making her become much more hardened to the world and in turn make her attitude in the ring a bit meaner? That would make the character development better.
Scene Description: 4/5. MASSIVE IMPROVEMENT. You certainly are much more descriptive here. THAT helps a bunch. My only gripe may be that your interactions such as "pulling of your shorts" or "tightening loosened hair" aren't really that important and feel like your just trying to make space. Overall though? So much better.
Relevance (x2): 4/5. Pretty fucking solid. Kept focused on your match pretty well, but I feel improvement in character development will actually improve this as well. Some things do overlap.
Overall: 3.8 (Pretty solid)
Pros
- IMPROVEMENT IS ALWAYS A GOOD SIGN!
- Your flow and your relevance through the use of your comical spread was excellent. Just be careful not to use the same jokes consistently so it doesn't turn into a negative!
-I notice you are consistent in flow WITH/WITHOUT Jay. Feel like your good at making your writing look and read attractively.
Cons
- Character Development can be developed better as discussed in the section. Feel like it would help you a lot in the long run.
-Scene Description could use props perhaps? I'd suggest trying to look into items that seem relevant to your opponents or match type even. Always a good place to start if you are struggling to keep Scene Description going between your long shoot.
Pleasure as always Miss Rose
Last Week:3.4
This Week:3.8
.4 improvement
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Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2018 12:02:24 GMT -5
If you could, please grade Chapter 11 of The Chronicles of Caine just released todAY. mUCH APPRECIATED.
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Post by 'Jazzy' John McCarty on Apr 22, 2018 7:37:10 GMT -5
Hey could you take a look at my RP 'Beethoven's No. 5'. Sadly, not my best but I'll still take feedback.
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Post by Wesley Anderson on Apr 22, 2018 9:41:11 GMT -5
If you could, please grade Chapter 11 of The Chronicles of Caine just released todAY. mUCH APPRECIATED. WELCOME TO THE CORNER!! I would love to! . Remember all grading is based on personal opinion as if I was the judge so other judges may disagree and what not. This grade effects none of my opinion of you in the future! Chapter 11 of The Chronicles of CaineDate: 4/21/18Match: Jackson Caine vs Phreak vs Hunter Valentyne vs Kylie MooreLength: 2,220Poster: Mr. Jackson CaineFlow: 4/5. Very good flow, but little things take it just out of the five. For example Bonnie was taken off the card this week, and that random ass "nigga" phone call XD. Though funny it was kind of out of place for me.Character Development: 5/5. Love the character development. Can tell you certainly know in what direction your story is going and in turn it makes this little story of yours with Miss Bonnie even more interesting. I really can't give anything but a five for that. I certainly love the angle myself.Scene Description: 4/5. Pretty damn good scene description. Certainly felt well done, just kinda chippy. Overall damn solid.Relevance: 3/5. Eeeeeeeh. I feel as though it wasn't so much this week relevant as it is future relevant. I feel the post is certainly more centered on your character development. Honestly felt like you ran through each opponent to at least address them, but I feel the effort was a little lacking there. Perhaps it was who you were facing doesn't interest you as much which is what I expect.Overall: 3.8 (Pretty solid)- Character development. Just perfect.
- Solid story from start to finish with good flow.
- Successful creepiness achieved! Love it!Cons-I feel a lack of interest in the weeks match to be honest from the writing or at least that is the vibe. That is never good.-Little moments can pull a reader out of that great flow of yours. Random ass phone call! A pleasure to read Mr. Caine! I feel as though you are certainly a solid writer, and that this is actually less than what I can expect from you in the future. I love that character angle mate!
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Post by Wesley Anderson on Apr 22, 2018 10:10:54 GMT -5
Hey could you take a look at my RP 'Beethoven's No. 5'. Sadly, not my best but I'll still take feedback. Welcome to the corner Mr. McCarty! Welcome! Welcome! As previously stated all opinions stated are just that! Opinions! Like but holes we all have one! So, without further ado lets get to this rp of yours. This grading will not effect any opinions of your future writing! RP: Beethoven's No. 5Date: 4/22/18Match: Dune vs Omen vs John McCarty vs Michael XLength: 1,080 (Shorty)Poster: Mr. John McCartyFlow: 3/5. The style is unique which I like, but there is just a seeming lack of effort to me. Color always helps obviously, but I was honestly surprised I read a thousand words in this post. I went through it very quickly the first couple of times without meaning to because overall nothing GRABBED me and said YO PAY ATTENTION!!Character Development: 3/5. I like the awkward little character story telling, but in this situation it seems rushed. The rush may be because of it being the due date but at the same time part of me expects the lack of detail comes perhaps from being dropped into this match.Scene Description:2/5. Part of this is the style you went with being kind of unable to even really do much of any scene description with the length of the post. You don't have much of any and part of it is there isn't enough there to have it. Relevance:1/5. You are facing three of the WCF's better talents so I really can't excuse not even bringing them up in the promo AT all. This entire promo was great from the perspective of a character intro, but it did absolutely nothing for the actual match that you have. Which I hate because it no doubt wrecks the overall grade. Overall: 2Pros- You certainly can write well, and the character seems like a cool idea.Cons- Overall I feel you didn't put in your best effort. I feel this was kinda slammed together so take some of the rest of these cons with that in mind.-Color coding. HELPS A SHIT TON.- TALK ABOUT THE MATCH!!!!!!! P-R-O-M-O ON THEY ASS!! Omen, Dune, X? Trust me there is plenty of details laying around on these boards on those three. -Grab my attention! Make me have to take a minute to read what you write! - Make me believe in your effort!So, I won't lie to you Mr. McCarty. Its not at all a nice review, but I mean no offense through it. I simply feel you didn't put forth a effort that I think can be expected of you. I certainly think in your next match I will see much better and I hope to grade it as well! Thank you for the read, and apologies for all the negatives, but I think you probably expected it. Good-luck this week!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2018 11:05:50 GMT -5
If you could, please grade Chapter 11 of The Chronicles of Caine just released todAY. mUCH APPRECIATED. WELCOME TO THE CORNER!! I would love to! . Remember all grading is based on personal opinion as if I was the judge so other judges may disagree and what not. This grade effects none of my opinion of you in the future! Chapter 11 of The Chronicles of CaineDate: 4/21/18Match: Jackson Caine vs Phreak vs Hunter Valentyne vs Kylie MooreLength: 2,220Poster: Mr. Jackson CaineFlow: 4/5. Very good flow, but little things take it just out of the five. For example Bonnie was taken off the card this week, and that random ass "nigga" phone call XD. Though funny it was kind of out of place for me.Character Development: 5/5. Love the character development. Can tell you certainly know in what direction your story is going and in turn it makes this little story of yours with Miss Bonnie even more interesting. I really can't give anything but a five for that. I certainly love the angle myself.Scene Description: 4/5. Pretty damn good scene description. Certainly felt well done, just kinda chippy. Overall damn solid.Relevance: 3/5. Eeeeeeeh. I feel as though it wasn't so much this week relevant as it is future relevant. I feel the post is certainly more centered on your character development. Honestly felt like you ran through each opponent to at least address them, but I feel the effort was a little lacking there. Perhaps it was who you were facing doesn't interest you as much which is what I expect.Overall: 3.8 (Pretty solid)- Character development. Just perfect.
- Solid story from start to finish with good flow.
- Successful creepiness achieved! Love it!Cons-I feel a lack of interest in the weeks match to be honest from the writing or at least that is the vibe. That is never good.-Little moments can pull a reader out of that great flow of yours. Random ass phone call! A pleasure to read Mr. Caine! I feel as though you are certainly a solid writer, and that this is actually less than what I can expect from you in the future. I love that character angle mate!
l Thank you!
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Post by 'Jazzy' John McCarty on Apr 22, 2018 15:58:45 GMT -5
Hey could you take a look at my RP 'Beethoven's No. 5'. Sadly, not my best but I'll still take feedback. Welcome to the corner Mr. McCarty! Welcome! Welcome! As previously stated all opinions stated are just that! Opinions! Like but holes we all have one! So, without further ado lets get to this rp of yours. This grading will not effect any opinions of your future writing! RP: Beethoven's No. 5Date: 4/22/18Match: Dune vs Omen vs John McCarty vs Michael XLength: 1,080 (Shorty)Poster: Mr. John McCartyFlow: 3/5. The style is unique which I like, but there is just a seeming lack of effort to me. Color always helps obviously, but I was honestly surprised I read a thousand words in this post. I went through it very quickly the first couple of times without meaning to because overall nothing GRABBED me and said YO PAY ATTENTION!!Character Development: 3/5. I like the awkward little character story telling, but in this situation it seems rushed. The rush may be because of it being the due date but at the same time part of me expects the lack of detail comes perhaps from being dropped into this match.Scene Description:2/5. Part of this is the style you went with being kind of unable to even really do much of any scene description with the length of the post. You don't have much of any and part of it is there isn't enough there to have it. Relevance:1/5. You are facing three of the WCF's better talents so I really can't excuse not even bringing them up in the promo AT all. This entire promo was great from the perspective of a character intro, but it did absolutely nothing for the actual match that you have. Which I hate because it no doubt wrecks the overall grade. Overall: 2Pros- You certainly can write well, and the character seems like a cool idea.Cons- Overall I feel you didn't put in your best effort. I feel this was kinda slammed together so take some of the rest of these cons with that in mind.-Color coding. HELPS A SHIT TON.- TALK ABOUT THE MATCH!!!!!!! P-R-O-M-O ON THEY ASS!! Omen, Dune, X? Trust me there is plenty of details laying around on these boards on those three. -Grab my attention! Make me have to take a minute to read what you write! - Make me believe in your effort!So, I won't lie to you Mr. McCarty. Its not at all a nice review, but I mean no offense through it. I simply feel you didn't put forth a effort that I think can be expected of you. I certainly think in your next match I will see much better and I hope to grade it as well! Thank you for the read, and apologies for all the negatives, but I think you probably expected it. Good-luck this week!As I said, not my best effort . But I'm gonna whip up a helluva RP next week.
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Post by Wesley Anderson on Apr 22, 2018 16:02:12 GMT -5
Be glad to review it also then Mr. McCarty!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2018 16:18:17 GMT -5
Could you review my first part of my new Kylie Moore Epic. I had a busy week and severe writers block. I need to know where to go from here.
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Post by Wesley Anderson on Apr 22, 2018 18:03:04 GMT -5
Could you review my first part of my new Kylie Moore Epic. I had a busy week and severe writers block. I need to know where to go from here. Well hello!! Not a problem whatsoever! As always all opinions are just that: OPINIONS! Judges may disagree, or they may agree I have no clue! With that being said I wish you luck in your match and lets do this review!!!RP: Here I Go (Again On My Own) : Kylie Moore Epic Pt 1 Date: 4/22/2018 Match: Jackson Caine vs Phreak vs Hunter Valentyne vs Kylie Moore Length: 2200 Poster: Jay! Flow: 2/5. I feel like it was kinda thrown together. The whole scene with the brother kind of throws me off the rest of the post. But your color coding was fantastic. Character Development: 3/5. I think you did decent here, but it kinda got lost up in the shuffle. I was good with the Dusty stuff, up to through half of your writing to be fair. The brother and the gun stuff kinda threw me for a bit of a loop. When its hard to make sense of everything together, it kinda shows up in development as well as your flow. Scene Description: 4/5. You did good here, just kinda the same issue that Rose has. Some of your scene description seems like your just trying to create space without real doing much action. Use props and I think that may help you out.Relevance: 2/5. In 642 words about your match where you spoke specifically on your opponents I feel like you didn't really know what to say, but you tried. I feel like this "block" you had hurt you here due to the fact that nothing really gained any steam you know? I feel like you didn't have much to say to your opponents or about your match. Overall 2.6.Pros - So, I will say that it is organized well. Color coded, easy to read. Overall I don't find myself losing my place.- I do like the connections made between you and Rose in your storytelling.Cons- You didn't seem to have any real idea of where you wanted to go from start to finish. I feel as though you just were trying and just couldn't really find your way. If it happens like that don't be afraid to message a friend to try to help you get going. I for one find it helpful from time to time to throw ideas at others to see what they think sounds good.- I feel perhaps with some of your scenes if you mix it up in a different way it may make more sense. If the gun and brother stuff started us off for example it would pull in a persons attention right away and you can transition without nearly as much confusion. Such asEX of Outline: 1.Gun scene starts off, brother drama-2.Phone call with Lili Rose-Match discussion as Rose talks her back to focusing on the week. Says goodbyes on phone3.Transition.4.Promo.5.ExitA pleasure as always my friend! I hope to see you again soon for the next promo corner!!Last Week: 3.4 This Week: 2.6
.8 decrease in grade
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Post by Wesley Anderson on Apr 24, 2018 3:13:35 GMT -5
THIS PROMO CORNER IS OFFICIALLY CLOSED!!
Graded the following: Rose Moore Caine McCarty
Best RPs this week: Rose AND Caine with 3.8s
See you all at Battle For New York!!
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