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Post by Wesley Anderson on Apr 9, 2018 11:32:25 GMT -5
Hey folks! Jordan here!
I've already posted for the week (I don't know why I'm on such a rapid fire shoot kind of writing lately).
Point being I'm basically already open for business for the week. I'm up to reviewing as many as I can between now and Sunday! Hope to hear from some of you at least!
Best of luck to everyone this week!
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Post by Vincent Augustine on Apr 12, 2018 12:50:14 GMT -5
I find this interesting, and though the better part of my judgment says you don't need any self validation, or anger from words that will make you mad, my character screams give me ammo for my RP's, so why the fuck not, I will take some feedback.
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Post by Wesley Anderson on Apr 13, 2018 11:52:14 GMT -5
As you wish Mr. Augustine!! Please take my review with grains of salt as it is personal opinion! Just as any judge of any rp! These are only focused on one post and don't form any opinion of mine of your writing for the past or the future.
Rp: ANY IDIOT CAN DO WHAT YOU DO Match: Augustine vs Kemp (4 Way Qualifier) Poster: Vincent Augustine Word Count: 1,977 (Mediumish) Date: 4/12/18
Flow: 3/5. The rp CERTAINLY is one put together scene. That isn't bad at all. I just couldn't keep my interest from start to finish. Color would assist. (Color always helps) but so would genuine focus. If I can't really find your focus being outside of literally joking about RPing in a RPing setting, then I don't know how to really judge that.
Character Development/Arch: 2/5. I don't know why but I feel a genuine lack of character build? It feels like you just are standing in a town talking about talking about talking about. It is kinda a semi-circle going in a continuous loop. Like imagine a wrestler literally promoting about how anyone can say or do whatever in a promo. IS that original?
Scene Description: 4/5. You are great on scene description without a doubt. I don't mind any of how you went through talking actions as I had no issue keeping up with what was going on. I just generally lacked interst in what was going in the context of the rest of post.
Relevance: 3/5. The satirical approach is funny, it is clever, but it isn't original in this post. Also the way Kemp is discussed? Kind of irrelevant to the post to be honest. It feels like you missed the ball a little when you went this route (not because the humor and the jab at promos isn't good), because you didn't really say...anything? Is a promo really that great when really all your saying is anyone can cut a promo? That Kemp can say whatever he wants to say, but oh I'm gonna kick the shit out of him at Slam?
Overall: 3/5 (A decent post.) Grade Average: C
Pros
- You are a good story teller. You are good at describing your scene and your actions.
-You are also a clever writer. The satirical approach shows a good sense of humor in the way you write as well.
Cons
- I'm generally unable to keep my focus throughout a 2000 word post. Whether it be the lack of color, or the lack of message I generally didn't find much entertainment outside the original jabs at promos which I feel should've been a piece to the post instead of a large part of the post.
- Can I take anything from this post into your next post? What transfers? The attitude he has perhaps? His message?
Point being Mr. Augustine I did enjoy your read from the perspective I love reading anything, but nothing at all stands out to make YOU interesting. Remember that my judgement versus another may be different, but if any of this helps (which I hope it does) then I'll be happy to see it. I certainly also wish to point out that I'm a horrid critic (sometimes overly blunt as well) so I don't mean any offense whatsoever.
I would love to review more of your work at a future date! Best of luck in your match with Mr. Kemp!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2018 15:44:54 GMT -5
Mine please..? Since it’s a 6 man tag and I was recovering for most of the week @lesbianalliance and I went in together and did a joint rp. I’d love to hear of what you think about our joint styles
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Post by Kyle Kemp on Apr 18, 2018 9:33:25 GMT -5
I’d love to hear what you thought of mine!
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Post by Wesley Anderson on Apr 18, 2018 10:11:01 GMT -5
Mine please..? Since it’s a 6 man tag and I was recovering for most of the week @lesbianalliance and I went in together and did a joint rp. I’d love to hear of what you think about our joint styles Miss Rose my sincere apologies for my late reply! Remember all opinions are personal opinion! Just as any judge of any rp! These are only focused on one post and don't form any opinion of mine of your writing for the past or the future!RP:The BeginningPoster: FourGASM
Match: Six Man Tag vs Omen, Aiden, Huntyr Word Count: 2000 (meduimish)Date: April 15thFlow: 2/5. It really felt out of place to me in some spots. You seemed to have put some ideas together and that was well done for the most part. I just felt some of the transitioning was weird. The phone call piece for example could've been worked on a bit better. Make us a little more involved so we don't lose our place!
Character Development: 3/5. I like the transition to this heel bossy attitude y'all are showing, but again more detail helps here. Honestly have a feeling that I can see where your going, but I don't know why or what for.
Scene Description:3/5. Again with the detail! The short sentence style of scene description doesn't hurt you horribly by any means. It simply doesn't help you much either.
Relevance: 4/5: I will say the post is overall relevant. It makes sense in the context of who you were facing and what you were saying. Overall this part of the post was pretty good, Overall: 3.4Pros- You guys did good with your focus and even with your overall message. I overall enjoyed the "we aren't letting ourselves get looked over" attitude you are developing.- You stayed on point! That is as important as anything when it comes to rping. So just remember to keep your attention on your opponent for the week!Cons- Detaaaaaaaails!! Honestly feel as though you guys are just missing detail. Once it gets developed into the writing? I think you guys got a shot at beating almost anybody. Your characters major "moments" happening in a post require attention. Such as the phone call! As always a much appreciated read Jay and Cassie! Hope the feedback assists!! Just remember never to get discouraged! We are all here to improve!
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Post by Wesley Anderson on Apr 18, 2018 10:37:50 GMT -5
I’d love to hear what you thought of mine! Well, welcome to the corner Mr. Kemp! This should be interesting since I know you already got a win with your post over another I judged earlier last week. So, with no further ado please know all opinions are just that, PERSONAL opinions. Judges may disagree with my opinions and blah blah blah. This will not add to future works opinions from me so lets get this show on the ro-ro-road!RP: You Don't Belong Match: Vincent Augustine vs Kyle Kemp Poster: K. KEMP Word Count: 2,690 (medium) Date: April 15 Flow: 4/5. HOLY SHIT BALLS! Easy read! My only real complaint is blocking. Blocking being when you put specific things in the post in a way where character development parts are kinda separate from your shoot. Not a huge no, no by any means. Just the only real negative to your flow.
Character Development: 3/5. Your character development is interesting. Feel like I'm watching a soap opera and I couldn't tell it without it being specifically a piece of the post. Details would only make this better I feel.
Scene Description: 3/5. You did pretty solid here as well. My only real problem is still pretty much the detail. Overall though thats gotta hit somewhere for anybody. Just feels like some more work could go into here. Details would only make this better I feel.
Relevance: 5/5. I liked the overall posts relevance and honestly wouldn't tell you to change it really.
Overall: 4. *Claps of approval*
Pros -You stay on point well and you certainly do a damn good shoot. Your story is attention grabbing and that is what you want. I feel your character is certainly in a positive direction and you can certainly tell you know what you are doing with him.
Cons -Try to avoid blocking as it can improve your writing even more. Add detail to improve your scene and character development.
Considering I normally don't hand out 4s I would say congratulations my friend. I certainly enjoyed the read and hope to see another from you. If you want a more in depth discussion feel free to message me, and if you wish to be reviewed again I'll be posting the next corner soon. Good luck on your creative journey!
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Post by Wesley Anderson on Apr 18, 2018 10:41:06 GMT -5
THIS WEEKS PROMO CORNER IS OFFICIALLY CLOSED!!
RPS REVIEWED FOR: Vincent Augustine FourGASM Kyle Kemp
Highest Grade: Kyle Kemp (4.0)
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