Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2018 12:15:02 GMT -5
Can anyone give me feedback? Trying a new angle out
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Post by Wesley Anderson on Apr 8, 2018 14:05:26 GMT -5
Happy belated birthday Miss Rose! My sincere apologies. Before I review allow me to state: everything I say in my grading and in my review are opinions that I am simply throwing your way! With that I hope you find something in this that helps you in your creative journey!
RP: Thorn in Management's Side Poster: LRose Date: April 8th, 2018 Length/Word Count: 1500 words.
Flow: 3/5. Your flow is decent thanks to your color coding and you did well with your talking between the manager and your wrestler. The scene description improving will help this be more solid as well as some of these things do tie together.
Scene Description: 2/5. Now this is just because for me personally I can say it lacks detail. That detail makes it where its easy for me as a reader to get kind of bored and skip your action telling altogether. I read it don't get me wrong, but it certainly wasn't anything that drew me in and made me interested in the work.
Character Development: 4/5. I like the character development. You did well capturing your rough streak of losses making her try to change her mindset going into her match with phreak. It was for certain the best element of your post.
Relevance (x2): 3/5. You did good with this until you mentioned WWE wrestlers and it kinda hurt it. Remember this is very important! Promotions normally avoid this type of referencing because it gets you in trouble. We are in a wrestling world, so its still a major no no.
Overall: 3/5
- Good use of character build from losing recently. I like that a lot when people make a story out of their characters winning or losing. It made it a easy read.
- Color coding is a life saver sometimes! And the colors you are using are fantastic!
- Never be afraid to talk shit about management in character! Creativity sometimes has to come in all fashions!
-Avoid referencing other promotions wrestlers. Just kind of a taboo
- Scene description can use more detail. Pull me into what you are doing!
-Things fall together better when each thing is of equal effort!
Again, I wish you a happy belated birthday! I hope to review more of your work in the future. It was by no means bad work! I will be looking forward to seeing how you fare this week! Best of luck to you!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2018 14:33:46 GMT -5
Thank you for the advice! I greatly appreciate it, this is my first fed and have only been using Lili for about a month now. I will take what you said in consideration.
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Post by Wesley Anderson on Apr 8, 2018 14:36:22 GMT -5
Anytime! I hope it assists! And I certainly hope to see you continue to write with her! I'm sure you'll only get better!
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