Spooky Dudes

[The Very Big Śpainards]

(The scene opens inside a dark room. Some grey smoke flies around the floor. There is but one small light made by a lantern. There is a rocking chair in the middle of the empty space. Creepy and edgy footsteps can be heard as a large man sits down in the chair. The light source turns out to be a lantern held by none other than William the Behemoth.)

William: Heheheh.

Greetingd my friends. Today is a special day. Today is the day of the exclusively british tradition Friday the 13th. And if you didn't know, and nobody except british people know, It gets a wittle BIT O' SPOOKAY AY AY AY WOOOO!!

William takes an airhorn and starts firing it completely ruining the atmosphere of the scene. After finishing the Airhorn spree William throws the airhorn away and holds the lanterm closer.

William: Tonight I am not William the Behemoth, I'm William the EVIL Behemoth! MWAHAHA!

And my partner Ainsley Ivanovic, He's now Ainsley the EVIL Ivanovic HAHAHAHA!

A voice comes from behind the camera.

Ainsley: You could use my actual nickname...

William: You have a nickname?

Ainsley: Yeah...I'm probably gonna change it though nobody knows about it.

William: Anyway! Me and my partmer have come to tell all of you about our goal! Of freeing all the people from their cages of lies that were made by...er...Luke Force? Yeah Luke Force.



Ainsley: I thought cages were our thing now.

William: T-they are it's just it doesn't make sense if-

Ainsley: Are you sure Luke uses shark cages? I haven't seen him use them.

William: I haven't either but I was just saying it because-!

Ainsley: I think we should use it because we were much better at it, we got like 8 dudes in shark cages whereas Luke I don't evsn know if he got even one person in-

William: Yeah, but-! Shut up! I'm trying to be spooky!

William picked the lantern back up and made his fringe go almost completely over his eyes.

William: Ugh... Anyway. I will be the shepherd that leads you all to freedom, the shining light, the beautiful dove. But not today. Today I am in my home. Traitors Trove! A place...for Traitors! Mwahahaha! A place where no man can withstand the dark traitoressness, ONLY TRAITORS IN TRAITORS TROVE!!

Ainsley: I don't think trove is a wor-

William: SHUT UP!

As you all know I betrayed former world champ Stephen Singh! 'Twas only a matter of time before I betrayed him. He was small. And everybody knows how I feel about small people.

For anyone new reading this they suck. I mean I'm sorry Stephen Singh but when I team up with you and you're 5 foot minus a number you really got make sure you're keeping me hooked. Sure you had the authorization to enter Darknet Tower, the ticket into Everest, the constant media attention, multiple title opportunities spontaneously, the all around friendship and the access to catering but what have you done for me lately?

What has Johnno le Rabid done for me lately? He taught me how to put people in a shark cage. And! He introduced me to the absolute, greatest country ever: Great Britian!

But back to my EVILness! Some of you think I'm not smart enough to be evil? Well take a look at this.

William walked past the camera and opened a padlocked metal door. He snickered menacingly and opened the door. There was a bright lightbulb hanging from the ceiling as well as an electric chair. What was in the electric chair?

An Iphone 5.

William walked over to the Iphone and played a clip of audio.

Audio: Andre Holmes? More like Andre Blowmes.

William: NNNNGHYEEEEEEEEESSSSS!!

Oh the evilness! The treachery!

William started breathing heavily and making weird movements with his hands.

A large voice boomed into the room.

Voice: William the Behemoth!

The voice sounded exactly like Williams. William looked around feigning shock.

William: Oh my! Who enters Traitors Trove at this time?

Voice: Me the spirit of EVIAAAALLLLLLL!!!

William pretended to fall over as a large thunder sound effect played.

William: Oh my! Everything's shaking! Shake the camera Ainsley! You're not shaking it enough do it more! Woaaahwooooahhhh.

The soumd effect stopped and William got back to his feet.

William: Why are you here spirit?

Voice: Because I-

The voice went quiet.

William: W-what happened?

Ainsley: The speaker blew out... probably shouldn't of got it from a tip.

William: Well what do we do now?

Ainsley: Just continue I guess.

William stood back up and looked at the camera before re-entering his evil state.

William: B-But that's not all Hahahahaha!

William skipped past the camera again and ran over to what looked like a kitchen counter.

William: Behold! The Cauldron of doom!

William shown a light on to a small black pan with boiling water inside.

William: And what's a bit of evil without a bit of Evil Voodoo? Pass me the dolls Ainsley!

A hand comes from beneath the camera and hands William three wool Voodoo dolls. Each one looks like one of Williams opponents.

William: What's the matter Mikey eXtreme, has your life of grammatical errors and losing out on oppurtunities other people would grab in a second being interrupted by A BURNED LEG?!

William dips the dolls leg into the boiling water and then laughs maniacally. William throws the dolls away and puts another over the pan.

William: I'm sure that's a nice soundcloud rap you're making Luke Force, I wonder what would happen if your fingers wer-

William paused and looked at the doll and glared at the camera.

William: What is this?

Ainsley: The dolls doesn't have any fingers... I'm sure you could just burn the arms an-

William: The arms nearly fricking torn off!

William showed the camera the arms which was hanging on by a thread.

Ainsley: I don't know how that happened..

William: Now how are we gonna seem creepy?

Ainsley: You know Voodoo Magic is fake, just go do Andre Holmes already.

William growled angrily and snatched the last voodoo doll. He gripped it tightly and started aggressively dipping it in.

William: What's wrong Andre? Are you being burnt? Are you finally realising that I in fact have a huge penis?! Much bigger than yours? And that you have herpes?!

William started speeding up the dipping process.

William: You! have! so! many! STD's! that! you! have! herpes!

William dunked in sync causing some water to spill out.

Ainsley: You should probably slow down you know, William? William!

William: And that when you said I had a small penis you were saying something untrue just to trick midgets into brlivring you stupid pile of- AGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

William had dipped his fingers into the pan.

William: AAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAHAHAHA! WHYYYYY MEEEEEEE?

Ainsley: I told you to stop doing it so fast.

William: It burns! It burns! It burns! The Voodooer has became the Voodid.

William had flopped to the floor in agony knocking over the lantern.

William continued to scream for a good 4 or 5 minutes before falling down to a silent whimper.

Ainsley: William, Are you crying?

William: NO!

William turned around with tears in his eyes.

Ainsley: You have tears in your eyes.

William: They're tears of EVIL!!

Oh fuck that! I just nearly burnt my arm off for a match where I'm probably gonna burn both my arms off! Fricking Ultron from X-Men is there and he's gonna turn us all into robots. (Sniff)

XIII ISN'T A FRICKING WORD!! WHAT IS IT SPANISH OR SOME CRAP?

William continued to rabble on making stupid excuse after stupid excuse. Eventually he came to a conclusion.

William: It's because Friday the 13th is American! Not just British! All thr other countries in the world ruined the occasion and NOW MY FINGERA ARE BURNT!

William continued to shout about his finger as Ainsley turns the camera around.

Ainsley: Basically what we're trying to say is: William got runner up in the king of the deathmatch tournament sk he's used to pain-

William: IT BURNS!

Ainsley:...Err...Just- Heil Brittania!

Ainsley aimed the camera down and began to fiddle with the back.

William: Wait...Did you say Heil or Hail?

Ainsley: Does it matter?

William: Well yeah it matters because one is a nornak phrase and the other is what fricking Nazis say-

The camera turns off.