Mr. Force's Opus

[Luke Force]

(Luke is standing tin the middle of the ring at the Tokyo Dome. He is wearing bright orange and yellow shorts with an Elmer Fudd graphic on the back and an image of the Montpelier Yellow Pages on the front. He is wearing old school Roman sandals with the leather lacing going halfway up his leg. Luke is wearing a turban made from a zebra patterned fabric. He is holding a miniature version of the Alpha Championship. It is only about 3 inches long and 1 inch high. Luke is holding the belt between his thumb and forefinger. Luke is watching a 90 year- old man dragging a ten foot tall trophy up the ramp. The bell in the Tokyo Dome has been ringing for what seems like 10 minutes. Luke can’t even remember how the match ended or why a grandfather dressed like an Iranian sheep herder is making off with that huge version of the WAR trophy. Luke wants to stop him but can’t seem to move. All he can hear is that bell ringing and ringing. It is so constant it is all Luke can concentrate on. The bell seems to be getter louder when he sees about 50 topless females running down the aisle toward the ring. The women all have horse legs. Luke has no idea what to do, there is no way to escape. The women are terrifying and that fucking bell!!!



Opening his eyes saved Luke from the naked horse women, but not that bell. After taking a second to get his bearings Luke realizes that he is in his hotel bed at the Tokyo Station Hotel and that bell is the phone. Luke finally has enough sense to answer.)



Luke: What?



DJ Geisel: Yo, Rofi, what up? Not you from the sounds of it. Check it, I need your help brother.



Luke: Why do you need help at 5:15am?


DJ Geisel: No time to bullshit, so I’ll get right to it. This WAR thing bigger than huge. The PPV buy rate is so high that the 6 global providers can’t handle the traffic. This thing is making Mayfield McGregor seem small. So I bought a PPV company and acquired the rights to carry WAR XVI.



Luke: Where do I come in?



DJ Geisel: I need you to head down to WJAPRAP radio and sit in on their morning show. They have a daily freestyle battle. Your last two tracks have been the most requested songs on all of JAPRAP radio since you dropped them. You taking today’s crown would no doubt cause a huge rush in PPV orders, and then we all win.



Luke: By “we all”, do you mean you?



DJ Geisel: Of course, c’mon Luke hook me up, head down there for me. I’ve got a car waiting for you.



Luke: Alright brother, I’ll head down to JAPRAP radio. Wish me luck.



DJ Geisel: Luck bitch. Thanks bro



(Luke walks into the radio studio wearing a black velour sweatsuit and a black kangol hat. No one appears to speak English and Luke is directed to sit in a chair and given a set of headphones. In front of him is a piece of paper that says in English “90 bpm, please only go for 3 minutes”. Luke looks up after reading the note and realizes that served as his acknowledgment of having read the instructions and he hears the beat in his ear.)

LINK TO THE AUDIO

I’m motivated, dedicated, winning WARs that you created. 

The Force is concentrated, like OJ, I’ll murder you guys one guy a time 

I can flip the script like I flip a dime 

Ten cents, incense, this shit is intense 

Now I commence to offense 

The pretense of your defense 

Is not defensible 

I dispense with your offense 

It’s just not sensible 

You can’t grasp get my two cents your just too dense 

That’s reprehensible 

It all makes sense it’s common sensible 

My victory is indispensable 

I’m a constant presence like a Constable 

From continent to continent I’m irresistible 

When your constipated life’s unshittable 

I’m a Nolan Ryan fastball I’m unhittable 

A win against me is ungettable 

Your time in this match is forgettable 

When you’re done, you need to call for medical 

You can’t get me off I own this pedestal 

My winning ways are congenital 

Don’t grab your genitals 

It’s like a tooth pick you dick 

My mat skills legit, yours ain’t shit 

Shit, is a collection of a thousand turds 

Everyone struggling for five thousand words 

Everyone invited except those two nerds 

I Got everyone solved like they was Crosswords 

I Got everyone singing “I quit” like they was songbirds 

Everyone says they’ll win, but they chose the wrong words 

Maybe you been puffing on too many herbs 

Bitch your nothing, the truths disturbs 

Now get to the side, like you was the curbs. 

Cause the sound of me winning reverbs 

From Tokyo to Nagasaki and out to the burbs 

Your seeing me on top and it really perturbs 

All these old heads hatin on the new guy. 

The new guy, the who guy? I’m the FU guy 

A breakthrough guy, the make you say quit guy 

I’m a come through guy, you an ain’t shit guy. 

I’ve been here a month guy, you’re a longtime punk guy 

I’m slamming you hard guy, you’re slamming your trunk guy 

I’m the take it guy, the FU rated guy 

The Alpha Belt around my waisted guy. 

I’m the win WAR and raise it high guy. 

Hi guy, not on my level, none of you made it 

You try to win WAR but my skills forbade it 

I’d give your match d’s and f’s I had to grade it 

Not using a curve no way to swerve, 

Call me McEnroe, you just got served 

You try to act hard, but you just fake it 

Your spirit is high, I just break it 

You’re eating burgers, I just steak it 

You’re eating crackers, I just cake it 

Your career’s asleep, don’t try to wake it. 

Your future’s not clear, I just opaqued it 

Japan’s a great trip, what a time 

WAR championship, it’s all mine 

Here’s a tip, go get some wine 

Get a grip bitch, you’ll be fine 

Only need a 3-count, hey ref count to nine 

WAR is here and my time to shine 

Like a diamond 

You need to climb some son 

To get as high as I’ve become 

Or as high as my income 

I’ll kill you backwards and have you yelling REDRUM 

You may look at me and wonder how come 

Because I can 

Cause I’m the man 

We’re in Japan 

I’ve got a plan 

I make shit hot like the weatherman 

I’ll end your world like a retirement plan 

Give you your lifers pension 

End all that hyper tension 

Pay attention to my ascension 

Did I mention I’m the Force dimension 

I kick more ass than a boot convention 

I’m not good for retention 

Cause I make cats quit 

I’m putting you out, and you’ll they say that’s it 

I’m scooping you out, like you was cat shit 

Getting dropped on your head like you was bat shit. 

I make you feel small like you was rat shit 

I got you balled up like acrobat shit 

Your turds look like you, I call that copycat shit 

I’m making the rules, that’s some bureaucrat shit 

I’ll kick your ass clean, like some laundromat shit 

I’m getting revenge, that’s some tit for tat shit 

My running back’s a quarterback, that’s some wildcat shit 

I’ll fight you everyday, that’s some combat shit 

Han stored Luke in some Wombat shit 

You chasing Jerry, that’s some Tomcat shit 

I don’t sweat you bitch, that’s some calm cat shit 

Luke 3:16, that’s some Psalm cat shit 

Hiroshima, that’s some A-bomb cat shit 

Meow motherfucker,  

your language is pussy 

In days this WAR will push me 

To make your life not so cushy 

No more playing footsie 

Go get my bookie 

I bet these front office fools book me 

I bet you locker room fools mistook me  

You dumbasses overlooked me 

I’ve got a chocolate chip on my shoulder cookie 

Monster, I sponsor the beatdown session 

So here’s the question 

Name a profession  

That’s a bastion of self expression 

where I take out my aggression 

without a confession 

lucky me, that’s wrestling 

and I’m damn sure the best thing 

to hit the scene 

since Buddy Rogers was king 

That’s right, I said bastion 

Now your head hurts, take aspirin 

I’m a lyrical assassin, so quit acting 

Like you have a chance of lasting 

Longer than me in this upcoming match 

And I’ll take the whole “up and coming” batch 

Of about 40 names and just snatch 

Them out of contention, it’s my intention  

To shave the list to just the contenders 

Not naming pretenders 

You’ve already surrendered 

All beatings are final they’ve been legally tendered 

Bought, sold, not rented or leased 

When I’m done you’ll feel dented and fleeced 

It’s WAR boys, so I flip mode to beast 

So I look at my list and the numbers decreased 

I’m folding you up like pants that are creased 

I make dough boy, my stock’s rising like yeast 

Don’t get infected, you’ll need antiseptic   

I’ve got mad skills you just must respect this 

Get on board you can’t just reject this 

Of course I’m on top, we all expect this 

Never wrong no need to correct this 

Now let me look at my list and inspect this 

I’m down to contenders and in this mix is six 

I want to take them one by one 

With these six clowns I’ll have some fun 

ODIN you big bitch, you’re up first. 

Because of the six, you’re the worst 

You’re 100 feet tall and weigh 1 million pounds 

That means it hurts worse when you fall down. 

You’re a Norse God, I’m a Force God 

Jealous of me and my horse cock 

After WAR will ODIN need surgery, of course doc 

Got no fears, keep none of my Porsches locked 

ODIN’s not stealing from me 

He get’s the feeling from me 

He don’t want to be dealing with me 

That tall bitch would hit the ceiling with me 

In Tokyo that bitch will be yielding to me 

Like the triangular sign on the side of the road 

ODIN you’re done, your chances erode 

SHADOWLOVE I’m on to you and your ho 

That poor Miyamoto, you’re mistreating the whore 

Doesn’t matter to me, I’m winning the sixteenth War 

SHADOW for short, cause the whole thing’s too stupid 

With all you have to say, I feel sort of excluded 

Fine by me, you can apologize as you get booted 

From the match, in which you can’t last, because you’re a hack 

Smoking that UCI crack, take your whack ass back to the other side of the tracks 

You’re not needed here, but leave the whore, I want to tap that ass. 

Two down and the list gets shorter 

No doubt that my list is in order 

That I put them out, Now let me tell you all what KYLE KEMP’s about 

He’s on a talent drought 

If skills were cash he would need a bailout 

Advice, get on a boat and sail out 

Of Tokyo harbor 

The farther  

you go the safer you be 

And it’s safest when you’re a safe distance from me 

Because I am me and you are you,  

you have no clue of what I can do 

There’s no one like me, not even a few 

Hey you know that stupid class that you do? 

I expect to hear a chapter about Luke from you 

You’d enjoy it and your students would too. 

That you haven’t done it yet, proves you haven’t a clue 

Pop quiz, how many WAR title have I accrued? 

After Sunday, it will half of two 

Is that math too much for you? 

Put four fingers up, and here’s what you do 

Peel the outside ones down and let the tallest one stand 

Now turn it around so you see the front of your hand 

You see what you see that’s from me, man to man 

It’s welcoming you to my FU Land 

Not bad double K, you almost finished fourth 

Not so bad when you consider, you lost to the Force 

The warrior with a stance of social justice 

Is amongst us 

Looks like the left has punked us 

By giving us WARWICK the man on your dick 

Who bitches about being mistreated by the world that is so sick 

Well I’m sick too 

Sick and tired of you 

Spouting off at the mouth  

That’s what you care about 

Open up and say Justice and I’ll knock you out 

I’m killing like Augustus, they’ll have to chalk you out 

Your family should have talked you out  

Of coming to Tokyo,  

Because of me you know 

Got one speed and it ain’t slow 

SIDNEY a fourth place finish Bravo 

Three guys left and here’s the thing 

One is the KING OF EXTREME, one is ETHAN KING 

The third is me, and I own this ring 

Mikey managed one victory over me 

That will be the greatest in his history 

He is the only man to get the 1 2 3 

But you have approached WAR differently 

You’ve become distracted easily 

And that’s enough for me 

Your attempts to win are measly 

Beating you is going to please me 

Speaking of pleasing me where’s my girl Vi? 

Now introducing the final two men in the ring 

It’s the Irresistible Force and in second place, it’s ETHAN KING 

King I heard that you mumbling something about humbling me 

Bitch please, don’t be troubling me, I am punishing thee 

Your stomach is grumbling because you remain hungry 

I’ll have the puzzling task of juggling my ass 

Onto a plane with the WAR crown in my carry on 

The dumb ass masses will ask how I won 

They can ask you when they wheel you on  

The plane in the stretcher I put you in  

Surrounded by ten surgeons trying to make you whole again 

Look at my gold my friend 

I’ll say it again, I’m the WAR Champion 

It’s how I walked out, who cares how I walked in. 

So there it is my list of six names 

Whose game will carry them 

To near the end, of this WAR we’re in 

And that’s when I come in and finish them 

And there were any more I would do it again 

On Monday look at the news and read the reports 

Front Page News, WAR winner is the Irresistible Force.

(Luke peels off the headset, drops them on the table and walks out)