Post by Kyle Kemp on Sept 29, 2017 2:44:58 GMT -5
Welcome Back Bitches
Kyle Kemp walks into the classroom with a smile on his face. He is dressed in black slacks, a purple button up and has a black vest on over it. He looks at the camera and motions to the chalkboard with the pictures with some of the faces having X’s on them. “Welcome back everyone and please take your seats! We have a long day ahead of us of going over the entrants of War and during this session we are going to cover the returning wrestlers. Those wrestlers that have left us for various reasons and have decided that War will be a right way to return or to make a one off appearance. These are the wrestlers that I like to call pussies. That’s right...pussies. Now before I go any further I want to put out a disclaimer. I know that some Twitter obsessed douchebag is going to mention me in a tweet that says I just returned but there is a big difference between these guys and me. I am willing to work the daily grind of the WCF every day and make the necessary appearances and show everyone why I am the better man in this business. I have accepted the fact that I am one of the faces of this company whether the other guys in that locker room like it or not. Since I came here the company has gone through a major change at the top. Joey Flash is gone. Jared Holmes is gone. Logan is gone. Dune is gone. Hell Spencer Adams is gone! This company has been in need of people that can put asses in the seats and I am one of those guys. There is a reason why my appearances get millions of viewers on YouTube and my segments get huge ratings. It’s because I have a proven track record of showing up and getting the job done. I did it when I first showed up. I did it when I was in #BeachKrew. I did it when I came back. I did it on Sunday when I became the number one contender to the Omega Championship. I will continue to do it and no matter who pops back in or decides to make a short run, thinking that they still have it, I will always prevail.”
“With that said, let’s get to our first returning wrestler. Kevin Bishop. Kevin Bishop came on the scene when I was on the shelf taking care of my mother as she fought cancer and he made a big splash. He won the People’s Title and he was a United States Champion. He was also named the WCF Newcomer of the Year for 2016. He was supposed to be a man that would take up one of the top spots here and lead us into a new era. At least that’s what many of us heard as he was making his way towards the top of the card but then something funny happened. Bishop started to choke. Slowly but surely he started to choke and it all started as the calendar year it 2017. In fact it was New Year’s Day.
Do you remember that day Bishop? That is the day where you and FPV fought Wade Moor and John Rabid. You came out and you wanted to make a statement. You wanted to show that you were the Newcomer of the Year in 2016 and you were going to be Wrestler of the Year in 2017. Instead you choked and Wade Moor pinned you and that was the beginning of the downward slide for you in the WCF for 2017. Sure you spent the first couple months defending your People’s Title and it looked like you were biding your time for another shot at the big time. That shot was going to be the Trilogy Cup Tournament and your opponent was David Sanchez. You talked a big game heading into that match and you were talking about how you were going to lead the Brotherhood. Instead you failed. Sanchez ended you quickly and the Trilogy Cup was not going to be yours. You weren’t going to get that title shot. Hell you didn’t even get out of the first round.
That’s sad. I have been in the Trilogy Cup and I made it all the way to the finals. I didn’t go out in the first round with a whimper like you did and that whimper became a full on cry for you at Explosion. That is where the bottom fell out. You lost your People’s Title to Jared Holmes and you were never the same. You could never get your confidence back and you decided to leave. You decided to run to UCI and be somebody over there and I commend you on that. You realized you were not good enough to hang here and you went over there and made something out of yourself by being a big fish and real little pond. You and Bonnie Blue and Alex Richards and all of the other losers that couldn’t cut it here went to UCI to a place for those that aren’t elite. I get it. I mean Spencer Adams had a hand in all of that so that doesn’t surprise me. So now you’re back and you want to know if you have what it takes. You’ve got to know if it was just a fluke that you fell off and you want to know if this can be a chance for you to make a run at it one more time. Well I hate to break it to you...it’s going to be the same story. You are going to choke and that is why you are going to get an X.
Next is Jay Omega. Oh Jay Omega. I’m sure you are throwing a shit fit because when I talked about guys that have left the company that were top guys when I got here, I didn’t mention your name. No class that was not an oversight. It was on purpose. I don’t consider you a top guy. Not anymore. Too much time has gone by since you won War two years ago. Do you remember that night Omega? You were so excited. You had finally climbed to the top of the mountain and you were going to shove a title reign down all of your throats in true Jay Omega style and as someone that was in the locker room at that time, we were not excited. We all hated you. You have always had everything handed to you like your new two year contract that you swindled Seth into giving you just so you could be in War. It was going to be a crowning moment for you but then guess what happened. You went out and lost the World Title in less than two weeks to Wade Moor. Then you took your ball and went home.
Well I guess you did come back...and then you left….and then you came back….and then you left….and then you came back. Get where I’m going with this? When the tough gets going you always tuck and run. Always. That is why I can’t believe Seth gave you a two year contract. He should have given you a two week contract. Win or lose at War, you are going to leave anyway. It means nothing to you in the long run and you are here for a smash and grab for cash. That was fairly evident on Sunday at Slam.
Now class….I have to ask, have any of you ever seen a match stopped because the referee go so bored? No? I didn’t think so. That’s because it has never happened in the history of sports. Never before have two wrestlers given such little effort. Now granted the referee was a little crazy but the overall performance by both Bonnie and Omega was shit. I should’ve been higher up on the card instead of giving these two that spot. My match was at least an attraction since I was in it. This match was a finger painting done by a retarded 16 year old. Disaster. That and the fact Omega doesn’t have any heart are why he gets an X.
I guess we can move on to Oblivion. Oblivion is one big mother fucker and he’s crazy as hell. What is weird is that those are the normal things about him. This guy has literally come back from the dead. I mean who gets shot in the head and survives? This guy should be the monster among men. This guy should be someone that we are all scared of and someone that should be dominant here. Instead he has come and gone as he wanders around aimlessly and feuds with random losers like Katherine Phoenix. Don’t worry class...I won’t be upset if you don’t get that reference. Most people turned the TV off when both of them were on TV.
Obvlivion is the epitome of what used to be wrong with the WCF. We had a lot of guys that thought they had to be eccentric monsters or sexual deviants or be into the darkness. Those guys are now fewer and far between because guess what doesn’t sell? Shit like that. When you want to be a company that appeals and makes money you invest in me. Not Oblivion.
It wouldn’t be us talking about returning guys without discussing FPV. There was a time where FPV was someone that I was impressed with. I won’t go as far as saying that I looked up to him but I will say that I respected him. FPV has done a lot for this business and for this company. He is a former two time World Champion. He is a former Television Champion. He has help the People’s Title. He has held the United States Championship. He has done it all! And after his last run as World champion he decided it was time to hang em up and head on out and do bigger and better things and he deserves the chance to do that but bro, don’t come back here and try to tell all of us that you are going to win War and go on to win that World Title one more time. None of us will believe you. I don’t think you would believe you. Do you know what happens to guys after they have done it all class? The passion disappears.
They might say that they love the business or that wrestling is in their blood but once you leave and have had the success that FPV has had, you don’t come back and win. You come back and get shown that this isn’t for you anymore. You get shown that things are much better at home, chilling and enjoying the fruits of your labor. You might get the itch to come back but you’ll realize that it’s a lot easier to stay home and watch Netflix. That is what is in store for FPV. So allow yourself to take this small trip down memory lane and let all of those good feelings rush over your body. Let you have a moment to bask in the fans cheers and then take that feeling and allow one of us to eliminate you early because if you don’t, you’re going home with a broken limb. With all of that in mind, you’re definitely not winning War.
Another guy not winning War is Gonzo. Why? Because Gonzo has already said that this is it. This is his last match. That alone is a reason to not pick him. When do people get the opportunity to ride off into the sunset here? Never. Seth doesn’t let it happen and the WCF locker room doesn’t let it happen. We don’t believe in happy endings here. We believe in sending you out with a foot in your ass. That’s what I plan on doing to Gonzo. I’m going to punt him so hard in the face that he gets committed. I’m going to give you 15 years of CTE with one kick. Plain and Simple. Goodbye.
I know that was a lot of information to digest so I have to say that it is now time for a break. I know that I probably broke a few hearts in the class because some of you are feeling nostalgic and think that one of your past heroes will win the whole thing. I’m sorry to disappoint you so take some time and regroup. We have some more people to discuss in a little bit.
My First Day
It’s a couple days after the reading of the will and things have been hectic. Ever since I was given the Kemp Foundation my phone has been ringing off the hook. The local media has called repeatedly, trying to find out how I felt about being the new president and owner of the foundation. Members of the Board of Directors have called, desperately trying to set up a meeting, wanting to know what my plans are. The best phone call was from my father. He wanted to discuss making an offer once again and all I did was laugh and hang up the phone.
Wyatt has worked day and night, going through the numbers to see why my father wants this organization so bad because it’s damn sure he doesn’t care about the kids. He has to be doing something through this organization that my mother never knew about. Has to. That or he just wants to spite me and take it from me because he knows it’s all my mother could leave me. Either way...I will find out.
My thoughts are interrupted as my Uber stops in front of the Kemp Foundation building. The building is located in Lincoln Park and isn’t to far from Depaul. That was done so my mother could recruit some of the Education majors to do some internships and tutor the inner city kids. My mom was the best. She would have a bus at the office pick up the interns and drive them to different schools on the south side and have them tutor the kids. She always wanted to help other people which was inspirational but she also knew when to be ruthless. Hence why I have the drive to be the best that I do.
I walk up to the building in a gray suit with a black dress shirt on. I open the door and smile at the receptionist sitting at the front desk. She must be new as I have no idea who she is. She gives me a half smile but looks stressed out. She has light brown hair with green eyes. She has olive skin but has her hair pulled up and a pencil behind her right ear. She is wearing a blue dress with flowers and a white open shawl. She’s beautiful. I somehow find myself just staring at her and she looks up at me with a questioning look. “Can I help you?”
“Oh...yeah. I’m Kyle...I’m uh...well I guess I’m the new boss.”
She stops what she is doing and looks me up and down. I can tell she is unimpressed. “So you’re the son?”
“I am.”
“Of course you are.” She leans back on the rolling chair and puts her hands behind her head. I can tell she is thinking that it’s all downhill from here. Looks like I’m gonna have some work to do to get these guys on my side. “Well I guess you’re here to see the place.”
“Yep! I’m here to get my bearings before I leave for Tokyo.”
“Tokyo?”
I tilt my head at her with a smug questioning look. I try not to do that but when you’re a dick like me, you can’t help yourself sometime. “Yeah….I’m wrestling at War on Sunday.” She looks at me and doesn’t respond. Her head just slightly drops and she just stares at the planner in front of her. “And you are?”
She lifts her head, “I’m Amy.”
“Well it’s nice to meet you Amy. When did you start as the receptionist? Brenda used to be the receptionist.”
“Brenda got fired.”
My eyes open wide with shock. Brenda had been the receptionist here since the foundation opened. What the hell? “What’d she do to get fired?!”
“It was nothing she did. We just don’t have the money to keep her.”
“What do you mean? We have money! My father has been donating money for years and we have a ton of grants!”
“Grants yes. Your father’s money no.”
Venom rushes into my eyes. Of course my father hasn’t been putting money in the foundation. “Well I’m going to change that. So I’m gonna guess you aren’t a cheaper receptionist then.”
She laughs, “No...I’m not. I’m the Development Coordinator. I set up fundraising events and do outreach within the community to let everyone know what we do which has become a hard job these days since we need more money.”
I lean forward and put my arms on the desk and smile at her. “Well I’m here to help with that.”
“Well I hope you can but until you do….you need to let me do my job.”
I put my hands up and back up. “Alright...just point me in the direction of my mom’s office.”
She points to her right. “Down the hall and it’s the last office.”
“Thanks!” I walk away from her as she picks up the phone and I smile as I walk down the hall. My heart is racing. She was cute and there’s something about someone that doesn’t really know who I am that’s a huge turn on. Then again she is an employee. Is that how a boss is supposed to approach things? Do I want to be the boss? I shake my head and just continue to walk down the hall as I smile at different people who are looking at me. Many of them I have seen before so they know who I am and they know I’m headed to my mom’s office. I finally get to the office and open the door. I look around at the office and it’s a office that was definitely my mom’s. There’s a picture of the two of us on the wall and there is a cactus in the corner. I don’t know why but my mom had an obsession with cactuses. I think she always had them around to push my father into them. I smile at that thought and walk around to the desk.
I look down and see her planner still sitting there. I’ll give it to my mom...she worked until the very end. She would make me bring her here and if I wouldn’t, she’d take a fucking Uber here and work anyway. I look at the planner and it’s open to the last week she was alive. There’s appointments with her doctor’s written down and one thing circled that catches my eye. It’s an appointment for Friday. I sit down in the chair and just stare at the circled item. It’s lunch with me at home. She had to make sure she was at home. We were going to have a chill lunch at home and at the time I thought nothing of it. It was just lunch. It’s not just lunch now. It’s a missed opportunity. It’s a lunch that I would give anything to go on. A tear comes to my eye as I shut the planner. My mother died on Thursday.
Finished
Well here we are again and the number of contenders are starting to dwindle. I’ve gone through countless wrestlers and we are starting to get down to the best of the best. Key word on starting to because there are still plenty of non contenders that I haven’t discussed. I mean the most obvious has to be Biohazard. Biohazard is just in this match for an easy elimination. When his music plays people will take a breath and be able to take a second to get their bearings. Let’s be honest. Biohazard has absolutely no chance in winning this match. The main reason being that we’ve all beaten him. I literally think we all have beaten him at least once. It’s almost like a rite of passage for a WCF superstar because you get to beat Biohazard once we know you are going to stick around. It’s an easy W and this Sunday will be no different. He gets an X.
Next up is Petrov. Oh Petrov. How I’ve missed you. I mean doesn’t every wrestling company need a big dopey European wrestler? That is what Petrov is to us. He talks like a caveman and he wasn’t the beast that the locker room thought he could be when they signed him. Instead he piddled around in the opening matches and looked slow and out of place. Now you tell me how that changes just because he’s back in the WCF now? Tell me? It doesn’t change.
Now before you can get to saying it Petrov let me just say it to you first, fuck you! Now what are you going to do? Because that’s all I think you know how to do. Say fuck you and go out and try to wrestle. Oh wait...I forgot….you also will tell me that you want to put a foot in my ass. Well I dare you Petrov because I’m going to break that foot off and cram it down your Russian throat. With that in mind, you aren’t winning War.
Do you know who else isn’t winning War? Jay West. Hell when I read that Jay West was in this match I didn’t even remember who he was. After reading his bio I have to say that I still have no idea who he is. Has he been here while I’ve been here? I mean he’s generic in both name and wrestling resume. It’s like he just took all of the different cool styles that people usually like and combined them into his repertoire. If I took him at his word he would be a dirty, high flying, technical hardcore brawler. That’s just not believable, just like his gimmick.
His theme music says it all. It’s “Bring Me To Life” by Evanesence. What a joke. Did you come up with all of this bullshit when you were wearing eye liner and all black in the 7th grade? What happened to make you like this? Did your mom not let you go to a party when you were 13? Did a girl break up with you? What’s your excuse? People like you are exactly the types of people that make outsiders look at our business and think that we are a joke. Do you know what you get? An X because I refuse to let you walk out of War a winner.
Another guy that gets an X is Adam Young. I really don’t want to get into it because, I mean, you’ve all seen him right? You’ve seen him violate rules and show up and do his redneck schtick. We all know he’s not winning. Plain and simple. That goes for Joe Smarts and Rise as well. These three should’ve been talked about yesterday because they fight like newbies. They all are going to be eliminated early.
Now this is where we get to some more legit returning guys….wait...never mind. I forgot about one guy that has absolutely no shot and that is Shadowlove. I can’t pick a guy that has his balls in a woman’s purse which is what is happening to Shadowlove. Ms. Miyamoto just wanders around and leads him around like he’s her lapdog. I guess that’s what happens when you’re a submissive like Shadowlove. Just look at his track record here. Did he win anything? Nope. Was he in the top ten in merchandise sales? Nope. Did he lose a lot? Yep. Did he run away to UCI like a little bitch? Yep. Hell he’s not even the World Champion there. At least Kevin Bishop is fighting at War as the World Champion. You’re just the Television Champion aka you’d be nothing still if you stayed here. There Television Championship is the equivalent of the order of nachos a fan eats in the front row. It looks good at first glance but the more you look at it and get into it, the more you realize it means nothing. It is no title here and I have held gold here which is a reason why I’m better than you and why you won’t win War.
Now let’s get into the meat of the old timers coming back. Let’s get to Steve Orbit. Now I know that I am going to have to explain who this is to you class because Steve Orbit hasn’t been an active member of the roster for years. It’s been so long that I wasn’t even here yet. I’ve been around for a couple of pop ins but other than that, Orbit is just as much as a fan as any of you. Hell I looked up his bio up on the WCF website and it said the bio hadn’t been updated since January….2016! He hasn’t been around in almost two years and by around I mean in the fucking building and suddenly he thinks he can show up and hold a candle to any of us? I don’t think so. These aren’t the days where “The Mack” is running the show. I guess he saw that Corey Black has been on this obnoxiously long retirement tour and thought he should come in and get in on the fun. Or maybe it’s that Jonny Fly is gonna fight and he just wants an easy way to get backstage passes. I mean you do seem like a cheap S.O.B and you’re gonna stay that way because there’s no way you are winning War and getting a huge payday at One. Maybe you should just help the kids set up and tear down the ring. That would be a big enough pay day for you to be alright because if you actually get into the ring at War, you’re gonna get broken in half and I bet you don’t have health insurance. Either way you get an X.
Another X I’m handing out is to Dag Riddick. Dag is another guy that fizzled out fast here after a strong start. I remember when people would come up to me and say, “Did you see what Dag Riddick said?” That’s right I said said. I didn’t say did. Because when it came down to being about it or talking about it, Dag was all about talking about it. Besides taking a title that really doesn’t exist because the International Title is just a lower class version of the United States Title that no one wants. However here is Dag. Out waving the title around and demanding respect for him and his causes. Do you know what I would do if he was here right now? I’d spit right in his face and laugh as I did it. A piece of scum like Dag will never win War as long as I am breathing.
Last but not least on our docket tonight is Odin Balfore.
Odin is a legend when it comes to this company and if there was one returning wrestler that I would say has the best chance it would be Odin. He has all the tools and he can get the job done. We have seen that in past War's. He has eliminated more people in War than probably everyone else in this match. He has the experience and he has the moves. However there is one thing that happens when you are that good, you creat enemies and that is what Odin has in this match. A lot of these returning guys and some of the elder statesman on this match have faced Odin before and they hold grudges. I have none and I'm banking on a lot of these guys coming after the others and I will sneak by.
I wasn't in War last year but I can tell you that if I was, Odin wouldn't have that record. That record would belong to me. I rectif that this Sunday at War when I not only beat Odin but I break his record as well. That's the truth. The other truth is that once I'm done with him, Odin is going to have another contract dispute and disappear. So don't get to excited about seeing him at War because it will be only a one time appearance.
And there you have it guys. We’ve covered the newbies and the returning players and all that are left are the contenders. The real contenders. Tomorrow will be the final day of class and tomorrow you will see which one of these guys walks out of War the winner. No I won’t give you any spoilers. Just remember that I’m Kyle Kemp and I’m better than you!
