Everyone makes the list

[Luke Force]

(Luke is sitting in the private conference room of the Tokyo Station Hotel in downtown Tokyo. Luke is awaiting the arrival of a WCF provided media consultant. Luke is dressed in a black suite with a white shirt, no tie. The FU Alpha Championship is sitting on the glass conference table. Luke pours another glass of water into the crystal goblet. He is clearly waiting impatiently, in Luke’s mind, 10 minutes early is late. A flamboyant young man with red spikey hair and a green skinny suit and a pink shirt and bolo ties breezes into the conference room.) 

Blayne Toyleson: Mr. Force!! Oh I am so happy to meet with you!! I am Blayne Toyleson and do I have some ideas for you! Now you know that the WCF has hired me to just make sure that the product that we are putting out there is something that our fans want to see. And I am an expert in Japanese culture. So first, I was thinking a demon from your past visits you and that gives you the power to win WAR? What do you think? 

LUKE: Damn dude, what drug are you on? Do you ever slow down? Let me ask you a question since you are an expert on Japanese culture. 

BLAYNE TOYLESON: Sure, anything, go right ahead. 

LUKE FORCE: What is the most popular time in the Japan to schedule a dentist appointment? 

BLAYNE TOYLESON: Well gee, I really don’t know 

LUKE: I do. 

BT: Then please tell me what is the most popular time in Japan to schedule a dentist appointment? 

LUKE: 2:30, pronounced of couse tooth hurty, tooth hurty. Now what demon are you talking about? Like the fact that I missed a wide open goal in the Big East lacrosse tournament my junior year? 

Blayne Toyleson: (Still wondering what type of man would tell the childish tooth hurty joke) No, no, no. I was thinking more of an actual demonic spirit with demonic powers actually visits you and gives you some mystical power. I’m thinking something Vampirish. The kids today, love anything to do with Vampires. 

LUKE: Well, so far, that’s the best idea you have, of course it sucks. But let’s hear another. 

Blayne Toyleson: Oh, well..Ok. Let’s go back and look at your childhood. We’ll see how traumatic it was and how living through that incredible time of trauma and abandonment is what gives you the strength to survive the WAR! And come out on top. 

LUKE: Good call. I’ll talk about the time I almost didn’t get new Jordan’s for basketball season. That was traumatic all right. Look ass, my childhood was pretty good that’s not what will drive me to win WAR. 

BT: Ok, ok, ok. I think I’ve got something that is right up your alley. We get you in a space suit and we send you travelling through time visiting past wars that have happened. We see you at the Crusades, at the Norman Conquests, we see you at Bunker Hill and AP Hill, you’re there at Normandy, and Kuwait, and Baghdad. We’ll show you fighting in every war from the beginning of time.    

LUKE: Well that is three shitty ideas, one is worse than the next. 

BT: I see you are not trying to make this easy on me. Here’s a no brainer. I say the name of a wrestler in WAR and you tell me why you can beat them. We’ll just go down the list. 

LUKE: Great, but I’ll save you some time. I don’t need you to read every name on the list. The answer for all of them is the same. I will beat every man on that list, I’ll walk out of WAR the winner because I’m Luke Force and they’re not. It’s not rocket science dude. 

BT: Luke, er uh.. Mr. Force…I’m not sure if you are understanding me. I know the formula for winning WAR, I’ve studied it for quite some time. I know you think you know everything, but with all due respect, this is my specialty. Believe me, I know how to create the proper message to win this thing. 

LUKE: Is that right? Is there one way to win this thing and everybody has to do it that way? Listen buttly, I don’t do things like everybody else. I do what I want to do, I do it when I want to and I do it why I want I want to. I don’t care if everyone in that locker does the same thing every year and hopes theirs is the best version of the same shit. No thanks brother. I have an Irresistible way of doing things. So, no, I won’t just come out and blabber about ridiculous shit just I can hear myself talk. You wanna see what’s up Blayne. Grab a cameraman and follow me. 

(Luke communicates to the concierge that he will need a car. In less than one minute a black Lincoln Town car arrives and Luke, Blayne and a cameraman are ushered into the car. The driver knows where to go as he was informed by the concierge, and he has a co-driver to ensure. As the car makes its way through downtown Tokyo and into the suburbs Luke dials a number on his cell phone) 

LUKE: Yo, can you bring some clothes to the barn. I’m gonna put in some work. 

(The party on the other end must have agreed quickly, because Luke was quickly off the phone.) 

BLAYNE: It sounds like we are going to get an inside look at a Luke Force work out. Smart call Luke. That is definitely one that is on my list. We’ll show the fans the hard work and determination it takes to prepare of WAR! 

LUKE: Anyone ever tell you that you are incredibly annoying? 

BLAYNE: Once or twice. I don’t think they meant it though. Did I overhear you saying that we were going to a place called the barn. Another good call Luke. Remember Rocky 4? He used that Siberian barn to train in. The fans are going to love that. What about some American flag workout pants? People right now seem pissed when athletes protest during the anthem, I guess they think it’s disrespecting the flag. So, you should think about wearing some flag shorts. 

LUKE: Right, because what’s more respectful than wearing an American flag pair of shorts around my sweaty nuts. People are idiots. Alright we’re here. (addressing the cameraman) Hey look don’t shove that camera in anyone’s face. Be chill. (Now addressing Blayne) And you, every time you think you should do something, or say something, do the opposite, trust me, that will work out best for everyone. 

(The men exit the car as the doors are opened by the driver and co-driver. They approach the barn and enter via the small side door. Upon entering, Blayne quickly realizes that this is not a barn or a gym. This is a recording studio with at least 30 different recording booths, each with it’s own producer’s station. Many of the boots are being used. Luke is quickly greeted by his old friend DJ Geisel , who hands him a duffle bags containing a cream colored velour sweatsuit. Luke disappears into a side room and changes into the new outfit.) 

LUKE: Yo, Geisel, get me in that box, I’ve got 53 punk asses I need to holler at. 

(Lukes steps into a booth with a Japanese number 7 affixed to the door. He dons the headphones resting in a cradle. DJ Geisel takes a seat at the producer’s station and cues up a beat. 

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I gotta list clinched in my fist it fits  

53 guys 

Let the white boy get to the whiteboard and categorize 

Top notch, no shot,  

And a somewhere in between spot 

Damn, I say in advance as I glance at this roster  

No man fosters a chance 

I should plan 

a preposterous dance 

And 

Have it end in a victory stance 

As I stand over fifty guys 

Let me recategorize 

I’m over you’re head, 

I’m like a hat for you guys 

You realize  

of course, the Force is the source 

Of your early demise 

Now capitalize 

On your time on the floor 

You’ve been emancipated from WAR 

That’s my proclamation for sure 

A paid prophet whose pockets stay full. 

I’m Luke. I’m the Force. I’m irresistible. 

(Chorus) 

I’m placing motherfuckers in a group,  

grab Dan Rather and all gather 

Here’s the scoop 

Y’all know me  

Slam dunkin like Ginobli 

To Tim for alleyoops 

Oops, did I break the rim, I can’t wait to win,  

my chances are thick, and yours are thin  

now listen up close to group you’re in 

The Have nots, meaning not a shot a win, 

Is actually everybody who ain’t in my skin 

It’s a battle for second that you all are all in 

Ill say your name and you fall in 

We know that WAR is only days away 

So why do so many people got nothing to say 

HOLMES, CARTER, SANCHEZ just to name a few 

Not even a single word from the likes of you 

Two others DRAKE and MATTHEWS  

What’s wrong boys don’t want to share your views  

On who  

you think is TUFF, not like DERRICK 

WOLF, RISE or RIDDICK. 

It’s like before War has started, they’ve already quit it. 

UDY.RUMPKE.BRANTELLI too, 

I kicked your asses two weeks ago  

And that silenced you. 

ORBIT, CORE, RONAN, AND DOOM 

Just a few days left, we gonna hear from you soon? 

MUSTACHE has been shaved and MEMRY forgotten 

KEMP, WEST, and SMARTS are as quiet as cotton 

BRYAN DEVLIN, BISHOP BOMBER is the B boys 

Well, where you be boys,  

not a peep not a sound no noise 

FPV and OBLIVION, destroyed 

It’s no slip like Freud 

TAYLOR WRIGHT and TANNER TALL are two humanoids 

Whose chances at WAR I do herby void 

I have redeployed 

Your hopes of victory 

Across the sea, from Tokyo back to Mississippi 

SIMMONS, HERON, and PRICE, silent protest I see. 

You 31 bitches should all take knee. 

You’re the worst, accomplishments unlistable 

I’m Luke. I’m the Force. I’m Irresistible  

(Chorus) 

Put em all up on the wall of disgrace 

These next guys have the balls to show their face, 

They’re at least entered this battle for second place 

ADAM YOUNG is One Dumb Bastard,  

dumb and plastered 

If he thinks that his ass will last here this year 

My threat level too high, it’s through the roof 

PETROV says six point five, that’s the proof 

Of the truth,  

Everybody fears Luke. 

I’m the Alpha Champion 

Not the ALPHA mannequin 

JOHNNY your career is standin 

Still, BONNIE BLUE is demanding 

Respect but it never came,  

too afraid to mention me by name 

Starkiller, Bluekiller it’s all the same 

BIOHAZARD, one word… lame 

Step it or step it out because it gets insane 

You get hurt when you treat WAR like a game 

It’s the return of JAY OMEGA, how cool is that 

It’s not, who cares, don’t give a crap 

VERY BIG SECURITY is just a double mishap 

HAJEET, Buddha bless you, you sound like a sneeze 

Bitch please, your whole country’s a disease 

So, stay away unless you’re bringing vaccine 

SHADOWLOVE, what do you mean? 

You’re as charismatic as radio static 

What should you call me, Your loss is automatic 

You’ll never solve me, call me quadradic. 

I’m hot like fever, now call me rheumatic 

LEON HAYZE is high like a ball, I’m gonna bat it 

AGIMAT, I think your handicapped 

Which means that SJW has got your back 

Oh no wait wait but not like that, 

Not that there’s anything wrong with that 

In fact, KEVIN BISHOP gets hot like that 

I’m pretty sure GONZO goes along with that 

BALFORE’s a glob of semen, I’ve got snot like that 

He’s got an ass so big it’s fistable 

I’m Luke. I’m the Force. I’m Irresistible. 

(Chorus) 

That leaves only 3 names on my list 

of those to dis and dismiss 

They may try to resist, but resistant is futile 

It’s juvenile for MIKEY EXTREME to blaspheme  

and continually scream 

That the Darkness will overcome,  

What? you had a dream 

I’m no Jedi, but I bet I  

Leave Tokyo on a Red eye  

With the WAR crown just like I said I 

Would, on the seat next to me 

Good? I’m the best you see,  

Way better than you MIKEY 

Call losing Life cereal, cause MIKEY likes it 

At WAR there is a loser’s path, MIKEY hikes it 

I’m a sportscar, MIKEY bikes it 

I’m hitting homeruns MIKEY strikes it 

Or strikes out, I’m about to lay it out 

To GRAVEDIGGER who thinks MS-13 gives him clout 

MS is snitches and bitches, which are you about 

Ultra heel, I have my doubts, 

I just feel I can cast you out   

Of WAR and I’m sure, you like to tell me some more 

How you won it before 

Don’t care, doesn’t matter, I don’t remember that score 

That crown is at home, mines waiting for me at the Tokyo dome 

GRAVEDIGGER’S is like a bitch wearing Lancome 

Make-up, wake-up and pick up your phone 

Like ET phone home and let them all know 

That Luke is the Force and we must bestow 

The title of greatest to ever grace the show 

ETHAN KING, you remember me bro 

You asked me a question a few weeks ago 

I chopped you up like meat I mince 

Must’ve busted your feed, cause I ain’t heard from you since 

What a perfect place we have to settle the score 

We’ve got the 16th edition of this thing called WAR 

The Eminent One is the Eminent Bum 

Your Comprehensive Guide  

is filled with lies 

Cause it doesn’t list me as the guy 

Who wins the prize 

No doubt in my eyes 

So let me bring it back to the whole heap of crap 

I want to make sure you all feel my verbal slap 

There’s over 50 of us, but only one can win 

It doesn’t really matter what camp you in 

I’m walking out the WAR champion 

Let me get you straight so you’re not twistable 

I’m Luke. I’m the Force. I’m Irresistible