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Post by Damian Simmons on Aug 8, 2017 13:05:04 GMT -5
I would really like if I could get some feedback on my new roleplay. Personally, I love it. I have never written anything that made me laugh that much. These three characters are just caricatures of myself, and my friends, Nick and Jacob. So I just wrote what I thought we'd do in that situation. It may seem to ramble a bit and jump from topic to topic rapidly, but that's just how we are. But, obviously, not everyone has the same sense of humor as I do, so what's hilarious to me may be incredibly stupid to someone else. Here is the RP, thanks for reading! wcfwrestling.proboards.com/thread/35482/tts-abandoned-lot?page=1&scrollTo=306048
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Post by Damian Simmons on Aug 8, 2017 21:46:23 GMT -5
Any feedback, really. I'll even accept the following:
I've seen a monkey with one finger write a better roleplay. These characters make me want to drink bleach These characters make me want to pour bleach into my eyes These characters make me want to do anything involving bleach to my body. I want to kill you now. I want to find your address, spend my hard earned money to fly to your state of residence, and murder you in cold blood, probably with a pizza cutter. This was actually pretty good, to be honest. (Gotta throw one nice thing in there)
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Post by Damian Simmons on Aug 9, 2017 0:03:09 GMT -5
There were some good one liners in there, but I felt like the characters needed more of a proper introduction. It felt like you had a good idea of who they all were in your own head, but that didn't necessarily come across to the reader. The three of them also seemed somewhat interchangeable without a lot of distinguishing characteristics. I get that exposition can be boring to the reader and not quite as fun to write as some other things, but sometimes it's a necessary evil. In RP #2, you might want to circle back and give us some more of that. You know, I was afraid they'd come off as interchangeable. I just assumed there was just enough unique characteristics to distinguish them. Nick is the somewhat sensible one who tries to keep the guys on track, Derrick is the leader, often heading the antics and getting they guys into trouble, and Tanner being the one is the walking meme, just messing with the other two every chance he gets. I intended to set it up this way because that's the dynamic the three of us have in real life (fun fact, he was going to be called Jacob Tall, but he vetoed it because Tanner fit better). And, since I'm used to it in my day-to-day, it would be clear to me. Never really thinking of what it'd be like to the reader, who has no idea what any of us are like in real life. I suppose, looking back, 12-6am me was setting up a sort of sit-com, Family Guy type thing. the first "episode" just a brief introduction into the gang and a taste of what's going to proceed it, fleshing the characters out in the process. Thank you so much for the feedback, I will definitely make note and make sure to remember in the next one.
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