Post by The Very Big Śpainards on Jul 19, 2017 15:35:09 GMT -5
William and Ainsley were sat down in a Zoo. They were sat down in the aquatic district. William was paying very close attention to some of its inhabitants while Ainsley sat down on a chair and ate two separate White Chocolate Magnums at the same time.
William had bandages all over his chest and shoulder because of the attack from the bear.
William wasn't gonna get attacked by an animal this time, though. He was gonna prepare.
William: I'm still confused at why my master strategy didn't work against the bear. Maybe the bear was just pretending to be an idiot...
Ainsley: I don't think the bear's an idiot but your plan was to try and outrun Jason Price, a man who is much faster than you.
William: Of course. My extreme muscles must've been weighing me down...
Ainsley: Yeah they were.
William: But this time, I'm gonna get my tips from the enemy.
Ainsley: Wait...To beat Wade Moor? You've got someone from #beachkrew to help you out?
William: No, Ainsley. The info isn't to beat Wade Moor.
It's to beat the shark.
William stared hard at the animal he believed to be the key to his victory, he tried to see if he could form a bond, like they do in the movies.
Ainsley walked up to William and stared at the animal William was looking at.
Ainsley: William?
William: Yep?
Ainsley: That's a Seal.
The baby seal lay down on it's belly and shut it's eyes. William looked at Ainsley annoyed.
William: It's a baby shark, you moron.
Ainsley: No. A baby shark is called a baby shark. That's a Seal.
William: Nope. You're wrong.
Ainsley: Oh for- Why would a 'Baby Shark' stay on land?
William: I know I spend a lot of my spare time doing nothing but I've got better things to do than question nature itself.
Ainsley: How would the shark even give birth to the seal? They live in completely different habitats.
William: It doesn't start off as a Seal, Idiot.
Ainsley: What?
William: At birth the shark starts off as a shrimp eating fish and other small creatures to survive. Then after about 2 months it evolves into a Seal.
Ainsley: I don't think evolution can happen in as little as 2 mon-
William: Lemme finish! Then after 6-25 years as a Seal, it evolves into a deadly, ferocious shark.
Ainsley: No.
William: And then after 48 years of being a Shark it evolves into an Aquatic Rhinocerous.
Ainsley: NO! That's not how nature works William.
William: You weren't the one being eaten by a Rabid Bear, Ainsley!
Ainsley: Just because you were nearly eaten by a bear doesn't mean you know everything about nature.
William: I am a wise nature man, Ainsley. I know things about things that happen in places.
Ainsley: You know what? Tell me a fact about nature than.
William: Did you know that Some Aquatic Rhinocerous can grow horns of up to 6 metres.
Ainsley: Eh...I give up.
William: Ok, I'm gonna have to do some telekinetic mind communication with the baby shark. Do not disturb me.
Ainsley scoffed and went back to eating his ice cream bar as William attempted a weird form of telekinetic aquatic mind communication that didn't work.
William's mind: Dear Baby Shark: I've got a real big match coming up. I'm undefeated in the king of the Deathmatch tournament. I'm also undefeated in sharknado matches. However my opponent Wade Moor is a special form of mentally and physically retarded. He's by far the whitest midget to be in #beachkrew. A group of people who say the N word a lot. I can't remember if he said the N word but if he did I'll tell my friends at Microsoft and they'll tranquilizer his computer or something I dunno. Wade is a special kind of midget. He's a fricking midget and has the muscle strength of a straw roof yet he is fat. He is a lot fatter than me because I'm actually not fat. But everyone says I'm fat and then everyone believe them but THEY'RE LYING!! They're lying Baby Shark! Anyway, if you could give some tips on how to defeat Wade 'the shrimp' Moor and his army of Russian Midget Sharks I'd really appreciate.
William opened his eyes to see that the Seal wasn't paying attention to him at all.
William: YOU FUCKING CUNT SACK!
William shouted causing Ainsley to drop his ice cream bar and look at Ainsley. William attempted to climb over the fence and beat up the seal but several security members had grabbed his arms.
William: Get off of me! That Seal is a heartless asshole! HE MANIPULATED MY SENSITIVE EMOTIONS.
Ainsley helped the security members grab William and soon.enlugh both of them were kicked out of the zoo. William sat down on the kirb in a mood.
William: Looks like you can't trust everyone in this business...hmmph....
Ainsley: You can't actually be serious.
William: Just when you think you know someone, they stab you in the back.
Ainsley: You tried to beat up a Seal because he telepathically humiliated you.
William stood up and walked over to his car.
William: You know sometimes I feel like the only reason your here is to stop me from doing the things I like.
Ainsley: Are you really even- You tried to beat up a Seal because he telepathically humiliated you! That's impossible!
William:...good point, I swallowed to much alcohol on the way here, can you drive?
Ainsley: But you just- And you were mad and- Ok...I'll drive.
And so William, completely forgetting about the big mood he was in before, and the baby shark, and the telepathic baby shark, and the asshole security guards. Prepared himself for his match. It'd take a lot to beat Wade Moor, but he had to remember the great words he once heard from a very great man.
William smiled to himself.
William: Fuck Oblivion.
Ainsley: Hm?
William: I said fuck Oblivion.
Ainsley: I thought you were against Wade Moor.
William: I am!
Ainsley: Then why'd you say 'Fuck Oblivion?'
William: 'Cause fuck Oblivon I dunno, I always say it.
Ainsley: When?
William: In my head! Let's just drive home.
Ainsley: We ain't going home, we going to the arena, Sharknado match boys!
William: Ok...Fine.
Ainsley: Let's see if you'll swim, or if you'll sink.
William: What was that?
Ainsley: I said 'or if you'll swim'
William: No before that.
Ainsley: 'Let's see if you'll swim'?
William paused for a moment and stared at the WCF arena that was just coming into view. Ainsley stared at him for a bit before ignoring him completely.
William had some really bad news.
William: I can't swim
William had bandages all over his chest and shoulder because of the attack from the bear.
William wasn't gonna get attacked by an animal this time, though. He was gonna prepare.
William: I'm still confused at why my master strategy didn't work against the bear. Maybe the bear was just pretending to be an idiot...
Ainsley: I don't think the bear's an idiot but your plan was to try and outrun Jason Price, a man who is much faster than you.
William: Of course. My extreme muscles must've been weighing me down...
Ainsley: Yeah they were.
William: But this time, I'm gonna get my tips from the enemy.
Ainsley: Wait...To beat Wade Moor? You've got someone from #beachkrew to help you out?
William: No, Ainsley. The info isn't to beat Wade Moor.
It's to beat the shark.
William stared hard at the animal he believed to be the key to his victory, he tried to see if he could form a bond, like they do in the movies.
Ainsley walked up to William and stared at the animal William was looking at.
Ainsley: William?
William: Yep?
Ainsley: That's a Seal.
The baby seal lay down on it's belly and shut it's eyes. William looked at Ainsley annoyed.
William: It's a baby shark, you moron.
Ainsley: No. A baby shark is called a baby shark. That's a Seal.
William: Nope. You're wrong.
Ainsley: Oh for- Why would a 'Baby Shark' stay on land?
William: I know I spend a lot of my spare time doing nothing but I've got better things to do than question nature itself.
Ainsley: How would the shark even give birth to the seal? They live in completely different habitats.
William: It doesn't start off as a Seal, Idiot.
Ainsley: What?
William: At birth the shark starts off as a shrimp eating fish and other small creatures to survive. Then after about 2 months it evolves into a Seal.
Ainsley: I don't think evolution can happen in as little as 2 mon-
William: Lemme finish! Then after 6-25 years as a Seal, it evolves into a deadly, ferocious shark.
Ainsley: No.
William: And then after 48 years of being a Shark it evolves into an Aquatic Rhinocerous.
Ainsley: NO! That's not how nature works William.
William: You weren't the one being eaten by a Rabid Bear, Ainsley!
Ainsley: Just because you were nearly eaten by a bear doesn't mean you know everything about nature.
William: I am a wise nature man, Ainsley. I know things about things that happen in places.
Ainsley: You know what? Tell me a fact about nature than.
William: Did you know that Some Aquatic Rhinocerous can grow horns of up to 6 metres.
Ainsley: Eh...I give up.
William: Ok, I'm gonna have to do some telekinetic mind communication with the baby shark. Do not disturb me.
Ainsley scoffed and went back to eating his ice cream bar as William attempted a weird form of telekinetic aquatic mind communication that didn't work.
William's mind: Dear Baby Shark: I've got a real big match coming up. I'm undefeated in the king of the Deathmatch tournament. I'm also undefeated in sharknado matches. However my opponent Wade Moor is a special form of mentally and physically retarded. He's by far the whitest midget to be in #beachkrew. A group of people who say the N word a lot. I can't remember if he said the N word but if he did I'll tell my friends at Microsoft and they'll tranquilizer his computer or something I dunno. Wade is a special kind of midget. He's a fricking midget and has the muscle strength of a straw roof yet he is fat. He is a lot fatter than me because I'm actually not fat. But everyone says I'm fat and then everyone believe them but THEY'RE LYING!! They're lying Baby Shark! Anyway, if you could give some tips on how to defeat Wade 'the shrimp' Moor and his army of Russian Midget Sharks I'd really appreciate.
William opened his eyes to see that the Seal wasn't paying attention to him at all.
William: YOU FUCKING CUNT SACK!
William shouted causing Ainsley to drop his ice cream bar and look at Ainsley. William attempted to climb over the fence and beat up the seal but several security members had grabbed his arms.
William: Get off of me! That Seal is a heartless asshole! HE MANIPULATED MY SENSITIVE EMOTIONS.
Ainsley helped the security members grab William and soon.enlugh both of them were kicked out of the zoo. William sat down on the kirb in a mood.
William: Looks like you can't trust everyone in this business...hmmph....
Ainsley: You can't actually be serious.
William: Just when you think you know someone, they stab you in the back.
Ainsley: You tried to beat up a Seal because he telepathically humiliated you.
William stood up and walked over to his car.
William: You know sometimes I feel like the only reason your here is to stop me from doing the things I like.
Ainsley: Are you really even- You tried to beat up a Seal because he telepathically humiliated you! That's impossible!
William:...good point, I swallowed to much alcohol on the way here, can you drive?
Ainsley: But you just- And you were mad and- Ok...I'll drive.
And so William, completely forgetting about the big mood he was in before, and the baby shark, and the telepathic baby shark, and the asshole security guards. Prepared himself for his match. It'd take a lot to beat Wade Moor, but he had to remember the great words he once heard from a very great man.
William smiled to himself.
William: Fuck Oblivion.
Ainsley: Hm?
William: I said fuck Oblivion.
Ainsley: I thought you were against Wade Moor.
William: I am!
Ainsley: Then why'd you say 'Fuck Oblivion?'
William: 'Cause fuck Oblivon I dunno, I always say it.
Ainsley: When?
William: In my head! Let's just drive home.
Ainsley: We ain't going home, we going to the arena, Sharknado match boys!
William: Ok...Fine.
Ainsley: Let's see if you'll swim, or if you'll sink.
William: What was that?
Ainsley: I said 'or if you'll swim'
William: No before that.
Ainsley: 'Let's see if you'll swim'?
William paused for a moment and stared at the WCF arena that was just coming into view. Ainsley stared at him for a bit before ignoring him completely.
William had some really bad news.
William: I can't swim
