Post by Steve Catt on Jan 23, 2008 20:42:24 GMT -5
:::Fade in to a hotel room. Steve Carr is lying on one of two beds, writing on a notepad and mumbling to himself. Suddenly some coughing is heard. Without even looking up, Steve starts to speak.:::
Steve: Do you want something?
Camerman: Well, I've been standing here for twenty minutes waiting for you to start the promo.
Steve: This is the promo.
Camerman: You doodling and talking to yourself?
Steve: Hey, this stuff goes on DVDs all the time. This is a behind-the-scenes look at the thought process that goes on when preparing for a match. This notebook right here? This is the game plan for how I'm going to beat Outcast.
Cameraman: It's all chicken scratches and this is boring.
:::Steve glares at the camera for a few seconds before relaxing.:::
Steve: Yeah, I guess it is. But I'm bringing someone in to help with that.
Cameraman: Help with what?
Steve: Making an exciting promo! I mean, I've done all the preparing I need to do to beat Outcast. I've beaten him before. That's why I'm on vacation in Mexico now. It's about calming my mind.
Cameraman: So this person you're bringing in is a drug dealer then.
Steve: Very funny. This game plan I have? It's not for Outcast at all. These are ideas on how to do the other part of my job: entertaining the fans with hilarious promos.
Cameraman: No offense, but I don't think you're very hilarious. Not intentionally, anyway.
Steve: By myself no, and that's why we're here waiting for the straight man's best friend -- the comedic foil.
:::No sooner does he finish saying this than there is a knocking at the door. Steve stands up and heads towards the door.:::
Steve: That should be him now. That or my drugs. Kidding.
:::The door opens to reveal none other than David "Merc" Whatshisface. We don't know his last name so why not.:::
Merc: Hey, sorry, I got here as fast as I could.
Steve: You're staying in the same hotel.
Merc: Yeah, I couldn't get away from my girlfriend. She's very...demanding.
Steve: Demanding of what, exactly?
:::Merc raises and lowers his eyebrows.:::
Steve: Oh, right. Hey, wait, I thought you were gay?
Merc: No man, I'm a stuntman-actor, not an ACTOR actor--
:::Merc suddenly notices the camera.:::
Merc: --uh, I mean, that is a horrible stereotype and you should be ashamed of yourself.
Steve: Relax, it's for WCF.
Merc: Oh. Yeah, they'll let pretty much anything on the air, won't they?
Steve: Just about...do you hear that?
Merc: Yeah, what is that?
Steve: Sounds like a lawnmower or something...oh, I see behind you, it's some guy with a weed whacker.
Merc: Speaking of allowing anything on TV...
:::Steve just stands still and blinks.:::
Merc: You know...weed whacker...Creeping Death...
Steve: Oh, right. Fans fainting into pools of vomit. And now, everyone's copying off of it? What's up with that? But yeah, anyway, good joke, that sense of comic timing is exactly why I brought you here.
Merc: Hmm?
Steve: I need you to be a comic foil for my latest promo.
Merc: Nooooo, you're the foil now, I'm the straight man.
Steve: Uh, no?
Merc: Uh, yes. We switched, remember?
Steve: No.
Merc: Yeah, I dropped the whole "Merc" thing and I was all serious and stuff.
Steve: But I wrote "Merc" in my script, see?
:::Steve holds the notebook up to his face.:::
Merc: I can't read that. Your handwriting sucks.
Steve: Alright, you know what, forget it.
Merc: Well, I can...
Steve: Aren't you supposed to be the actor? Can't you just act any way you want?
Merc: To be honest, I'm not that motivated.
Steve: Why the hell not?
Merc: I'm tired. I had a lot to drink. YOU had a lot to drink.
Steve: No, I didn't.
Merc: I can smell it on your breath!
Steve: O.K., you know what, I can't deal with this. I'm tired, I had a lot to drink...
Merc: You just said--
Steve: Shut up! You can't fire you! I quit! You! I mean...shut up!
:::He slams the door in Merc's face.:::
Steve: Boudle.
:::He turns around and appears shocked to see the cameraman.:::
Steve: I thought I just threw you out?!
Cameraman: No, that was the other guy.
Steve: Shut up! Get out!
:::Steve opens the door and shoves the camerman outside. Merc is still standing nearby. They collide and Merc falls into the outdoor pool.:::
Steve: Dammit! You were supposed to wait until the camera was on you to do that!
Merc: You're an ass, you know that?
Steve: And you're not funny!
:::He slams the door.:::
Merc: Well, I think that went well.
Cameraman: Seriously?
Merc: Oh yeah. We'll laugh about this later. Oh the fun we have.
Camerman: I don't think you're supposed to get those clothes wet.
Merc: Well, crap.
:::Fade out.:::
Steve: Do you want something?
Camerman: Well, I've been standing here for twenty minutes waiting for you to start the promo.
Steve: This is the promo.
Camerman: You doodling and talking to yourself?
Steve: Hey, this stuff goes on DVDs all the time. This is a behind-the-scenes look at the thought process that goes on when preparing for a match. This notebook right here? This is the game plan for how I'm going to beat Outcast.
Cameraman: It's all chicken scratches and this is boring.
:::Steve glares at the camera for a few seconds before relaxing.:::
Steve: Yeah, I guess it is. But I'm bringing someone in to help with that.
Cameraman: Help with what?
Steve: Making an exciting promo! I mean, I've done all the preparing I need to do to beat Outcast. I've beaten him before. That's why I'm on vacation in Mexico now. It's about calming my mind.
Cameraman: So this person you're bringing in is a drug dealer then.
Steve: Very funny. This game plan I have? It's not for Outcast at all. These are ideas on how to do the other part of my job: entertaining the fans with hilarious promos.
Cameraman: No offense, but I don't think you're very hilarious. Not intentionally, anyway.
Steve: By myself no, and that's why we're here waiting for the straight man's best friend -- the comedic foil.
:::No sooner does he finish saying this than there is a knocking at the door. Steve stands up and heads towards the door.:::
Steve: That should be him now. That or my drugs. Kidding.
:::The door opens to reveal none other than David "Merc" Whatshisface. We don't know his last name so why not.:::
Merc: Hey, sorry, I got here as fast as I could.
Steve: You're staying in the same hotel.
Merc: Yeah, I couldn't get away from my girlfriend. She's very...demanding.
Steve: Demanding of what, exactly?
:::Merc raises and lowers his eyebrows.:::
Steve: Oh, right. Hey, wait, I thought you were gay?
Merc: No man, I'm a stuntman-actor, not an ACTOR actor--
:::Merc suddenly notices the camera.:::
Merc: --uh, I mean, that is a horrible stereotype and you should be ashamed of yourself.
Steve: Relax, it's for WCF.
Merc: Oh. Yeah, they'll let pretty much anything on the air, won't they?
Steve: Just about...do you hear that?
Merc: Yeah, what is that?
Steve: Sounds like a lawnmower or something...oh, I see behind you, it's some guy with a weed whacker.
Merc: Speaking of allowing anything on TV...
:::Steve just stands still and blinks.:::
Merc: You know...weed whacker...Creeping Death...
Steve: Oh, right. Fans fainting into pools of vomit. And now, everyone's copying off of it? What's up with that? But yeah, anyway, good joke, that sense of comic timing is exactly why I brought you here.
Merc: Hmm?
Steve: I need you to be a comic foil for my latest promo.
Merc: Nooooo, you're the foil now, I'm the straight man.
Steve: Uh, no?
Merc: Uh, yes. We switched, remember?
Steve: No.
Merc: Yeah, I dropped the whole "Merc" thing and I was all serious and stuff.
Steve: But I wrote "Merc" in my script, see?
:::Steve holds the notebook up to his face.:::
Merc: I can't read that. Your handwriting sucks.
Steve: Alright, you know what, forget it.
Merc: Well, I can...
Steve: Aren't you supposed to be the actor? Can't you just act any way you want?
Merc: To be honest, I'm not that motivated.
Steve: Why the hell not?
Merc: I'm tired. I had a lot to drink. YOU had a lot to drink.
Steve: No, I didn't.
Merc: I can smell it on your breath!
Steve: O.K., you know what, I can't deal with this. I'm tired, I had a lot to drink...
Merc: You just said--
Steve: Shut up! You can't fire you! I quit! You! I mean...shut up!
:::He slams the door in Merc's face.:::
Steve: Boudle.
:::He turns around and appears shocked to see the cameraman.:::
Steve: I thought I just threw you out?!
Cameraman: No, that was the other guy.
Steve: Shut up! Get out!
:::Steve opens the door and shoves the camerman outside. Merc is still standing nearby. They collide and Merc falls into the outdoor pool.:::
Steve: Dammit! You were supposed to wait until the camera was on you to do that!
Merc: You're an ass, you know that?
Steve: And you're not funny!
:::He slams the door.:::
Merc: Well, I think that went well.
Cameraman: Seriously?
Merc: Oh yeah. We'll laugh about this later. Oh the fun we have.
Camerman: I don't think you're supposed to get those clothes wet.
Merc: Well, crap.
:::Fade out.:::
