Post by Deleted on Jan 19, 2009 17:32:01 GMT -5
Short, quick, concise... it was a complete victory. A measure of revenge had been exacted. Chad Evans pinned Chester on Monday Slam to seal the victory for his team, a team consisting of two mortal enemies. The victory over Gravedigger's henchmen was sweet but short-lived. Last week's tag team partner will be this week's tag team opponent, for you see Gravedigger's twisted take on matchmaking has unveiled a new wrinkle. Evans will team with another enemy, Brad Kane, to the oppose the team of Prince Jimmy Dean and Thunder. In another twist Logan has been deemed the special referee. What was Gravedigger thinking when he booked this train wreck of a match? Has Gravedigger's personal vendetta against Evans gone so far that Gravedigger will stop at nothing to destroy the young martial artist?
It's nighttime. Evans is furiously pondering his dilemma as he sits on top of a garbage can in a snowy, dimly lit alleyway outside of the Ultra Nova Dojo in Brooklyn, NY. Evans is wearing a big black winter coat, possibly Gore-Tex, to shield himself from the wintry conditions. Evans is taking a break from his training regimen to cool down, get some fresh air and ponder the ramifications of his upcoming tag match. A cat is seated on the garbage can next to Evans. The cat is screaming for tuna fish, screeching at the top of its lungs like a Yoko Ono record. Evans farts loudly, scaring away the hungry yet antagonistic kitty cat. Evans uses his buttocks to feel around the seat of his pants, checking for any signs of a stain in those white workout pants.
[/COLOR]It's nighttime. Evans is furiously pondering his dilemma as he sits on top of a garbage can in a snowy, dimly lit alleyway outside of the Ultra Nova Dojo in Brooklyn, NY. Evans is wearing a big black winter coat, possibly Gore-Tex, to shield himself from the wintry conditions. Evans is taking a break from his training regimen to cool down, get some fresh air and ponder the ramifications of his upcoming tag match. A cat is seated on the garbage can next to Evans. The cat is screaming for tuna fish, screeching at the top of its lungs like a Yoko Ono record. Evans farts loudly, scaring away the hungry yet antagonistic kitty cat. Evans uses his buttocks to feel around the seat of his pants, checking for any signs of a stain in those white workout pants.
Chad Evans: "Dang, man... Chinese food does it to me everytime."
Evans thinks back to the meal in question. Evans ate dinner with his friends Bolts, Nick and Sandy earlier that evening at Big Tang, a Chinese restaurant in town. Bolts, Evans' trainer, hosted the dinner as a celebration of young Chadwick's success in WCF. Indeed it was a meal to celebrate Chad's accomplishments in addition to celebrating the Ultra Nova team at large. After the spicy chicken dumplings and Kung Pao pork had been consumed, it was time for the four friends to say a few words of kindness and sweetness in commemoration of their friendship and the lovely moment they were enjoying together. Evans was the first to raise his glass and prattle about at the mouth. That sweet Chinese wine was oozing at the fingertips, wrapped around his glass.
Chad Evans: "This is the life! Good friends, good food, good wine. This is what it's all about. I know there was a time when everybody in the world would look at me and say this man doesn't have a clue what he's talking about. This man will never be successful. This man couldn't rub two sticks together to start a fire, to cook the food, to put the meal on the table for his family. Now I've silenced my critics, and I've done it with you, my Ultra Nova family. To Bolts, to Nick, and especially to lovely Sandy, I say God bless you and thank you for everything that you've done for me."
Sandy kisses Chad on his cheek and Nick pats Chad on his shoulder. Bolts beams with pride as he raises his glass high in the air.
Bolts Quackenbush: "You've come a long way, Chad, and we're all very proud of you. You've become like a son to me. I know that 2008 was a hard year for all of us. We lost a member of the Ultra Nova family. Yet our family is resilient, like Elaine Benes' feet in a pair of Himalayan walking shoes. Together we've witnessed this young man Chad grow up before our very eyes and blossom into a well-rounded young man, a true professional and a gentleman. I ask you to join me please in a toast to our boy Chad!"
The four Ultra Nova compatriots raise their wineglasses with all the exuberance of trained seals awaiting a treat.
All together: "A toast to Chad!"
The happy scene in Chad's memory bank is suddenly skewered by a blue flourescent tint, like a gas main leak before an explosion. Evans shakes his head to clear the distorted image, back to reality as his legs dangle over the side of the garbage can. The truth is that feel good times have not been stacked a-plenty for young Chad. While Evans has had success in his brief WCF tenure, this success has been overshadowed by pain on a personal level, the pain that comes with losing a friend and mentor.
Chad Evans: "There's a gap in my soul, a plain that lacks it's replenishing rain. I need to know about Cairo. I need to know where he is, whether he's alive or dead. If he's dead then we must give him a proper burial and uncover the circumstances surrounding his demise. If he's alive then we must return him safely home. Either way we need a resolution to this mystery. It hurts too bad to know that I've lost a friend, and to not know what's really happened. The pain eats away at me every day and in every way. I know that one of these days I will be reunited with my friend, whether in Heaven or on Earth. I cannot wait any longer. It is ripping me apart inside. I am ready to explode on the assholes of all whom would silence my quest for truth."
Evans can't shake the feeling that something is afoot, even amiss with regards to the disappearance of his friend. How does a grown man with Cairo's worldly experience suddenly disappear without a trace? It is not unusual to suspect foul play in such a matter, but there's also heebie jeebie vibes. What if Cairo offed himself? What if Cairo had enough of this crazy world and said good riddance once and for all? No he wouldn't, he couldn't. Evans has to shake those thoughts. He can't distract himself with his burdens regarding his friend right now. Evans must focus on the immediate task at hand. Evans knows that he will be teaming with an enemy named Brad Kane, the mighty mighty Bostonian, to square off against Prince Jimmy and spoiled brat Thunder.
Chad Evans: "I got some bad vibes about this match. What kind of man am I teaming with? How can I trust Brad Kane when I don't even like the motherfucker? Hell I named my move the BK Killer because I want to kill Brad Kane with it. How can we possibly team together? What the fuck was Gravedigger thinking when he booked this match? I would slit that motherfucker's throat if I could fit my hand's around the fat motherfucking, double-chinned having motherfucking..."
Evans is thinking back to the events transpired in recent weeks while fidgeting with his hands. Evans' face and hands are remiss in a state of drunken twitter; perhaps too much wine was on his plate before?
Chad Evans: "Fuck it, what am I even talking about? I look in the mirror sometimes and I think that everybody needs a motivation. Everybody needs a friend. Where's my friend? Where's my motivation? I'm entering this match with a tag team partner that I cannot trust. I am facing a tandem of two men, one whom betrayed me and the other whom is much too vain to even place much importance on this match. The referee is a man whom has fallen so far from grace as to become a complete and utter shell of himself."
Suddenly the image of a singular light bulb turning on in a darkened room is constituted inside of Evans' brain. He feels that he was forgetting something but now it has been remembered.
Chad Evans: "Oh, daddy, I just figured out the key to this match. I've got that itchy trigger finger and Logan is about to scratch it. All I need to figure is some quick math. Did Logan receive the money that I left him for that DVD? I know that I gave Leanne an envelope with the money, I left it on her desk at the WCF front office. She told me that she would give it to Logan on his way out the door, after the show. Goddamn that was a good night. You thought winning a wrestling match was invigorating? Damn... that girl slipped off her heels and worked me under the desk. That girl knew what she was doing and those stockings certainly didn't hurt."
Chad rubs the drool from his chin with his sleeve, like a peeping Tom spying on a girls' high school locker room.
Chad Evans: "That was just the beginning, not the ending. We did the wild thing six ways from Sunday, up, down and all around. On the desk, in the elevator, on the food cart, in the showers. Let's just say it ended with her cherry ChapStick wrapped around my flagpole, run it up and see who salutes... but no one ever does! Hahaha! Harvey Danger bringing back the good times! Now that's what I call... an explosion!"
Evans grabs his now stiffening dick to adjust it in his all-too-tight, workout pants.
Chad Evans: "Damn I could go for a cummy right now. Cum on, Leanne, make me hard and do that voodoo that you do so well!"
Chad's brain moves away from the winter wonderland that surrounds him and scans back to the days of hot fun in the summertime. Evans fantasizes about WCF secretary and Maggie Gyllenhaal lookalike Leanne prancing around in a bikini on a white sand beach. Teasing and pleasing Evans, Leanne strips out of those thin strands of clothing to reveal her bare-naked assets. Evans grabs a handful of her goodies, caressing her boobies and that sweet golden skin. Chad's beautiful fantasy is interrupted when "Cherub Rock" by the Smashing Pumpkins suddenly begins to emanate from inside the Dojo.
Chad Evans: "Oh shit... it looks like it's time for me to fly, REO Speedwagon style. I just put the mack down now it's time to put the smack down."
A man with a cape brushes past Evans in the alleyway. Is that Prince Jimmy? Evans squares up like he's about to throw down with the man. No, no, it's just a homeless dude who's wearing some new clothes that he found in a dumpster; no doubt they must be props from the recent stage production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.
Chad Evans: "Sorry, brother. I thought you was someone else. I was about ready to explode on your asshole."
Chad pulls a fin from his wallet and slips it into the homeless man's coffers. The homeless man tips his cap in gratitude and Evans walks back into the Dojo, returning to his workout. Evans' bad attitude is now in full effect and we can be sure of one simple fact. When you step to Evans, an explosion... is imminent![/B][/CENTER]
