Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2008 22:16:28 GMT -5
Sunday Night:
Moments after the conclusion of last Sunday's Slam main event, Chad Evans is running amuck in the backstage area of the WCF Arena. Evans is livid following his loss to Torture in the semifinals of the WCF World Title Tournament and he's making his displeasure known to those around him. Evans is still wearing his wrestling gear as he flips over tables and tosses chairs, monitors, food, drinks, ice, rolls of tape, anything that he can get his hands on. All the while Torture's theme music is blaring on the PA system, infuriating Evans even further as he stomps back toward his locker room, leaving a path of carnage in his wake.
Nobody dares cross Evans while he's in this state, especially due to his notorious martial arts background. Ultimately one of the WCF road agents gets a hold of Evans' trainer Bolts Quackenbush and informs Bolts of Evans' behavior. Upon hearing the news, Bolts quickly chases down Evans in the backstage area and gives Evans an earful.
Bolts Quackenbush: "Chad! What the hell are you doing? What are you making all of this ruckus for? You're making a goddamned fool of yourself! Calm yourself down and get your ass back to the locker room, I want to talk to you... NOW!"
Evans adheres to his trainer's instructions and stomps back to the locker room, all the while huffing and puffing and foaming at the mouth. Upon reaching the locker room Evans kicks the door open, Seagal style, and stomps into the room.
Chad Evans: "Dammit Dammit Dammit!"
Evans screams a stream of obscenities while punching a hole into the locker room wall.
Chad Evans: "You sissy! You goddamn sissy!"
Evans is breathing heavy and shaking with rage like an escaped mental patient. Bolts runs into the locker room and closes what's left of the door and its hinges behind him.
Bolts Quackenbush: "Calm down, you lunatic! Would you calm the fuck down?"
Bolts slaps Evans' face to snap him out of his psychotic tirade.
Bolts Quackenbush: "Listen to me, Chad! You came close to beating Torture, very close, closer than anybody ever has. Don't beat yourself up just because you lost the damn match, OK? It's not the end of the goddamned world!"
Chad Evans: "Close? You think that matters to me? You think I give a shit about close? Close don't mean a damn thing to me right now. I'm just another victim that Torture added to his hit list. You think I'm supposed to just let it go, not let it bother me? Well it hurts, goddamnit. It hurts like a motherfucker, it cuts like a knife. I've been knocked out cold in Vale Tudo competition but it didn't hurt as bad as this."
Bolts grabs Evans by his chin and looks him square in the eye.
Bolts Quackenbush: "I'm going to give you some advice right now, as both your trainer and your friend. Does it hurt? Yes it hurts, but you're going to have to snap out of your little pity party and get over it. You need to mature, you need to grow up and you need to do it right now. Sometimes you're going to lose, no matter how hard you train and no matter how much you want to win. You are going to lose sometimes, but you cannot let the pain of that loss defeat you. You cannot let it distract you from your ultimate goal, your ultimate purpose."
Evans rubs the top of his head with both hands and then throws both arms up in frustration while pacing around the locker room.
Chad Evans: "So I'm supposed to do what exactly? Just forget about it and move on? Forget that all of my dreams were half an inch away from becoming a reality before they were snatched away from me?"
Bolts holds his hand up, his index finger extended toward Evans.
Bolts Quackenbush: "No, I don't want you to forget about it. I want you to channel the hurt and the anger and the disappointment, and I want you to use it as motivation. Use it as motivation to train harder, to get smarter, to raise your IQ as a fighter. Use it as motivation to become more focused, determined and disciplined. Use it as motivation to better yourself as a person and a wrestler."
Chad is soaking in the knowledge that Bolts is teaching him when they're interrupted by a knock at the door, or what's left of it. The impact of the knock causes the door to come crashing down straight forward onto the floor. A WCF official/stooge in a suit is standing in the doorway with a sneer on his face and his arms akimbo.
Stooge in suit: "Excuse me, but what the hell happened here, and who's going to pay for these damages?"
Evans smirks and shakes his head.
Chad Evans: "I don't know, Charlie, I guess I lost my head for a moment. You know what they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stranger!"
The stooge gets an incredulous look on his face and he points his finger at Evans like a real tough guy.
Stooge in suit: "Oh you're gonna pay, Evans. The damages are coming out of your paycheck, and I'll personally see to it that you're escorted from the building by armed guards."
Evans' eyes grow wide, he's seeing red again. Bolts does his best to hold Evans back.
Chad Evans: "Hey Charlie, why don't you walk over here and try it? Why don't you escort me from the building yourself, tough guy in a suit, corporate stooge? I'll nail your ass to the cross and crucify your ass six ways from Sunday, you cock sucking, dog raping, son of a whore!"
Bolts grabs hold of Evans' head, and turns Evans' head toward his until they're making eye contact.
Bolts Quackenbush: "Don't worry about that shit, Chad, I'll take care of it. I want you take a shower and get dressed, and then we're taking the first plane back to Hartford."
Bolts taps Evans on the cheek with his fist and then walks over to the stooge in the suit, trying to buy Evans some time to get showered and dressed. Evans calmly walks over to the shower area, turns on the water, drops trou and pops into the shower.
Monday Morning:
After a short but restless flight home, Evans spent the night in his bed at home, still restless. It's now morning and Evans is sitting on a stool at the kitchen counter. Dressed in pajamas and slippers, Evans is sulking over a bowl of Wheaties. Evans has bruises on face and a cut over his eye. Evans is feeling the physical damage on the morning after his loss to Torture, but the emotional scars from the loss run deeper. Evans is depressed, he's lapsed into a sort of emotional malaise. Evans can't let the thought escape his mind; he can't stop thinking that everything that he's worked for was within his grasp and he let it slip away, and it's a chance that he might never receive again. All of that is weighing on Evans' mind as he stares blankly at the box of Wheaties on the counter top and lets out a depressed sigh.
Chad Evans: "Breakfast of champions? I'm not worthy."
Evans shakes his head and shovels a spoonful of cereal into his mouth. The sound of a key jingling in the front door of the cabin momentarily snaps Evans out of his trance. The sound of Bolts' voice calls out to Evans from the living room.
Bolts Quackenbush: "Chad, it's me. Are you awake?"
Evans swallows the mouthful of Wheaties before replying to Bolts.
Chad Evans: "I'm in the kitchen, Bolts."
Bolts walks into the kitchen dressed in his usual gray sweatsuit. Tagging along with Bolts are Ultra Nova Dojo's head chef and all-around babe Sandy and Ultra Nova staff member and all-around nice guy Nick Katsopolis.
Sandy: "Good morning, Chad. I hope you slept well."
Sandy flashes a smile at Evans, trying her best to hide the concerned look on her face, and gives him a peck on the cheek, then she rubs his shoulder. Evans seems oblivious, as if staring off into space.
Nick Katsopolis: "Chad, what's up, my man? Great match last night."
Nick pats Evans on the shoulder and sits down on a stool next to him. Again this attempt at friendly interaction draws no reaction from Evans.
Bolts Quackenbush: "Hey Chad, how are you feeling?"
Bolts waves his hand in front of Evans' face. After a few moments Evans is startled and looks up at Bolts.
Chad Evans: "Huh? What?"
Bolts Quackenbush: "I asked you how you're feeling?"
Evans nods before loading a spoonful of cereal into his mouth and again staring at the Wheaties box.
Chad Evans: "Oh well... I've got bruises on my face and body, a cut over my eye, and my muscles are sore from my head to my toes."
Bolts Quackenbush: "I understand that, Chad, and I expected that, but I'm asking you how do you feel?"
Evans drops the spoon on the counter top and looks up at Bolts, right into his eyes.
Chad Evans: "I feel like shit. How the hell do I accept the fact that I let the biggest opportunity of my life slip away, I let it slip right through my hands?"
Evans looks at Nick and Sandy, and shakes his head in disappointment.
Chad Evans: "I'm sorry, guys. I let you down. I let everybody down, everybody at Ultra Nova, all the fans. I'm a failure and a disgrace."
Sandy: "Chad, don't say those things. We're all very proud of you. You lost a classic match to an all-time legend of the sport, there's no shame in that."
Sandy rubs Evans' shoulders, Evans lets out a slight moan.
Nick Katsopolis: "Sandy's right, Chad. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You were wrestling in the second match of your career against a world-class opponent with years of experience. Your performance far exceeded everyone's expectations."
Evans nods his head, then ponders for a moment. Evans breaks out of his thought by suddenly slamming his fist on the counter top.
Chad Evans: "Those lying hedonistic vibes! They teased me! They made me think that I was close!"
Bolts grabs hold of Evans' shoulders and shakes him.
Bolts Quackenbush: "You were close dammit!"
Evans grabs hold of Bolts' shoulders and shakes him.
Chad Evans: "Not as close as you think! I never was that close and I never will be!"
Bolts Quackenbush: "Because you lost one match?"
Chad Evans: "Because I lost the match. It wasn't one match, it wasn't a match, it was THE fucking match that everybody works their entire career to reach. There's been a million wrestlers who busted their hump for ten, twenty years and they're never rewarded with the opportunity that I received in my second career match, and guess what? I just blew it last night in front of the world."
Evans taps his knuckles on the counter top.
Chad Evans: "You know, WCF management called me this morning. They told me that I'm opening the show on Sunday night against Brad Kane and Prince Jimmy Dean in a triple threat match. Can you believe that? In one week I've gone from main eventer to curtain jerker. Torture was right, I'm nothing without him."
Bolts throws up his hands in frustration, almost as if pleading.
Bolts Quackenbush: "Sandy, would you calm him down? Give him a dick massage, will ya?"
Bolts' request causes a stunned, quizzical expression to appear on Sandy's beautiful face.
Sandy: "What about the rules, Bolts? You said that Chad isn't allowed to cum until he wins the World Title."
Bolts Quackenbush: "Fuck the rules, Sandy, we're trying something new. This kid is about to go apeshit bonkers if he doesn't get a release. I need you to service him, girl. I know that it's not in your contract, but you knew when we hired you that you would be on call for certain... extracurricular activities."
Sandy nods in understanding, offering no outward resistance.
Sandy: "I'll do it if you think that it's in the best interests of the team, Bolts."
Bolts nods at Sandy, a solemn expression on his face. Sandy opens her purse and pulls out a small bottle of lotion. Sandy pours some of the lotion onto her hands and rubs them together, rubbing the lotion into her skin, making her hands soft and smooth. After this task is complete Sandy pulls close to Evans and looks him in the eye.
Sandy: "Before we begin, and for the sake of our friendship and our working relationship, I must insist that we keep this strictly professional, Chad. At least as professional as we can, do you agree?"
Evans nods in compliance. Sandy and Evans take each other's hands and walk upstairs together. They walk into the master bedroom and close the door behind them. Within a few moments pleasure moans begin to emanate from inside the room.
Downstairs, Bolts and Nick watch an old Hitchcock movie on the flat screen in the living room, trying not to allow their imaginations to get carried away by the drama in the master bedroom. A bouncing bed can also be heard now, accompanied by female moaning and screaming, and a man grunting and shouting "Who's your daddy?" over and over again.
After thirty minutes of this Sandy and Evans emerge from the bedroom hand in hand with smiles on their faces, brimming smiles from ear to ear. Evans certainly appears to be in a happier, calmer and more lucid state of mind than he exhibited previously. Evans sits down on the love seat in the living room, next to the sofa where Bolts and Nick are seated. Sandy sits down on Evans' lap, Evans wraps his arms around her and they kiss on the lips.
Bolts Quackenbush: "How do you feel now, Chad?"
Evans smiles and laughs.
Chad Evans: "That was a nice treat, it was special. Sandy is a very special lady. She definitely helped me, more than words can express. I feel much better now."
Evans nibbles on Sandy's ear and then Sandy and Evans kiss again on the lips. Bolts and Nick smile politely, trying not to eavesdrop, Sandy smiles coyly back at them. Evans takes a deep breath and then exhales, with a mile wide smile tattooed to his face.
Chad Evans: "I'd grab a smoke if I wasn't such a finely tuned athlete."
Bolts gets serious.
Bolts Quackenbush: "None of that nonsense, Chad. I only let you cum because I could tell that you needed to release the tension."
Chad Evans: "I know that, Bolts, and I appreciate it, I really do. Thank you for your help, Sandy, my dear."
Evans winks at Sandy, she blushes. They rub noses and smile.
Bolts Quackenbush: "Alright that's enough helping, Sandy. The two of you have company, you know."
Bolts stands up from the couch and pulls Sandy over to the couch with him and Nick, she sits down between them.
Chad Evans: "Yeah well I do feel much better, but there's one thing that I still can't understand, one concept that I cannot fully grasp. Why are there people like Torture in this world? They deserve nothing but they get everything handed to them, it all falls into their lap. I would call Torture a piece of shit, but that would be an insult to bowel movements everywhere."
Bolts Quackenbush: "There's no rhyme or reason for it, Chad. Sometimes good things happen to bad people, and sometimes bad things happen to good people. That's just the way life is, Chad. Most people are equally blessed and cursed, a select few fall into one category or the other. Some people whom are blessed don't appreciate their blessings. Don't let it eat away at you, Chad. Those people will pay a high price for their evil ways in the next world."
Chad Evans: "I suppose that you're right, Bolts. There's something else that I can't shake either. I just keep remembering back to the match last night when I had Torture on the verge of being defeated, I had him at my command. The problem was that in that moment I was experiencing the feeling of being drunk, not drunk with power, mind you. I'm talking about really drunk, like when I drank all that brandy during the Internet stream last week and made myself the center of that whole furor. It was a weird feeling, Bolts. My instincts... I knew what I wanted to do, but I couldn't make my brain send the necessary information to my body."
Bolts Quackenbush: "You were drunk, Chad, you were punch drunk. You've never experienced that before in all of your fights around the world?"
Chad Evans: "Yes I have, but never to this extent. It was like I was experiencing a state of delirium, I wasn't entirely sure that I was in the ring wrestling, it could have all been a dream. It didn't help that there was so much shit going on independent of the match itself. I mean first the ref was down, then there were all these dudes jumping into the ring, Jones and Outcast, I didn't know what the hell was going on. I didn't know if I was supposed to continue wrestling or not. It was a new experience, that's for sure."
Bolts Quackenbush: "You always keep going until the bell rings, Chad. Let that be a lesson to you."
Chad Evans: "I know that now and it's a lesson that I will never forget. I guess I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I have to admit that the match was a powerful learning tool. If nothing else I erased the doubt that I had before the match. As the match went on longer I knew that I could hold my own with Torture, even defeat him at his own sick game."
Nick Katsopolis: "You kicked out of the Torture's Device, Chad. You're the first man to ever do that."
Chad Evans: "That was pretty awesome, but I have to admit that I was mostly running on fumes at that point. I guess I did better than I thought."
Evans looks Bolts in the eye, Bolts looks right back at Evans.
Chad Evans: "But as Bolts would say, there's no time for resting on laurels and kudos. I'm wrestling two established superstars on Sunday Slam and I have to turn my attention to those two men, Brad Kane and Prince Jimmy Dean."
Bolts Quackenbush: "That's very studious of you, young lad. Shall we hold our brainstorming session before we hit the gym?"
Chad Evans: "Absolutely. Here's some info that I think can help us prepare for the match. I read the online bio, the Internet bio for the Kane family, it's their family history online, and I noticed something very striking: Their entire family is really fucked up. To be honest they remind me of the Firefly family from House of a Thousand Corpses and the Devil's Rejects.. They probably have corpses lying around their house and body parts stuck in their freezer."
Sandy: "Oh Chad, those are terrible things to say. Don't be mean, it's not in your nature."
Chad Evans: "Why should I bite my tongue, Sandy? That family is whacked and the man himself, Mr. Brad Kane is an insidious, lascivious cretin. I know that he's also a ceaseless pervert who spends all of his spare time fornicating and dreaming about fornicating. I don't want you to go anywhere near him, Sandy. Not at the Arena on Sunday and not ever. Not even at trade shows, in fact those are the most dangerous places of all. There's too many open fields and back country roads."
Bolts sits on the couch and listens astutely, as if studying Evans' every word.
Nick Katsopolis: "Brad's had his share of problems but he's worked hard to overcome his demons. He seems like a perfectly nice guy."
Chad Evans: "Oh really? Is that what you think, Nick? Then why, pray tell, doesn't the man's wife trust him? A little birdie told me that Mrs. Kane will be sending one of the couple's children to spy on daddy during the show on Sunday, to make sure that the Reckless One doesn't get too "Reckless" with any of the bimbos and skanks that populate the greater Allegheny metropolitan area. That also shows you what type of wonderful mother she must be. Go spy on daddy, make sure he doesn't hit any of that groupie poontang at the hotel after the show. Mommy will give you cookies when you get home."
Sandy: "How could you possibly know any of that, Chad? You sound like you're drunk again, and I'm beginning to regret giving you a taste of my poontang."
Chad Evans: "I will ignore that snide remark, my dear. As per your question, what can I say? The walls in Boston are exceptionally thin. The most pertinent factor in this entire equation is that Brad Kane is clearly unbalanced. I suspect that the man is experiencing the emo version of a midlife crisis, which begins at birth and ends at death."
Bolts Quackenbush: "Chadwick, after listening carefully to your chosen words it has become quite apparent to me that you hold an intense disdain, a pronounced hatred for this man Brad Kane. May I inquire as to the root of your dismay?"
Chad Evans: "It's weird, before the show on Sunday I had an epiphany that Brad Kane walked up to me backstage and called Bobby Cairo a homo. That emocore motherfucker had the nerve, the audacity to talk shit about Bobby Cairo and then proceeded to get tooled by Corey Black? What a fuck up! What do you think I'm gonna do to him?"
Bolts Quackenbush: "Chad, you were dreaming, that didn't actually happen, well at least not the part about Kane talking shit about Cairo."
Chad Evans: "But it seemed so vivid, so surreal."
Bolts Quackenbush: "Chad, those two words refer to completely different things."
Chad Evans: "I don't mean surreal, I mean serene. He was calm when he was making these disrespectful overtures."
Bolts Quackenbush: "That was just a dream. That was just a dream."
Evans and Bolts stand up from their seats and sway to the music in their heads, singing into the invisible microphones in their hands.
Chad Evans: "That's me in the corner, that's me in the spotlight, losing my religion."
Bolts Quackenbush: "Trying to keep up with you, and I don't know if I can do it."
Chad Evans: "Oh no, I've said too much, I haven't said enough."
Evans and Bolts exchange a high five.
Bolts Quackenbush: "You've still got the pipes, kid."
Chad Evans: "I learned from the best, Bolts. You're the man... ooh, and now it's time for a piss break!"
Evans sprints into the bathroom, shuts the door behind him and takes a long, loud piss. After he's finished Evans shakes off his dick and tucks it back into his pajama bottoms. Sandy and Nick have decided to take leave, weirded out by the events transpired of this morning, they sneak out the door while Evans is in the can.
Evans returns to the living room to find Bolts sitting on the sofa, clipboard and pen in hand. Evans sits down in the recliner and puts his feet up.
Bolts Quackenbush: "Chad, I want you to tell me about your goals. What are you goals as you move forward with your wrestling career?"
Evans talks slowly, calmly and rationally. His demeanor and the tone of his voice do not necessarily reflect the content of the words coming out of his mouth. Bolts sits and listens, engrossed in Evans' diatribe.
Chad Evans: "With the WCF World Title now firmly out of my reach, I will turn my attention toward a new goal: I must destroy Boston. I tried to destroy Boston when I was a child. I wrote on my old bedroom walls, I wrote "Must destroy Boston" on the walls ten thousand times in Yankees pinstripes. Can you believe that? From a very young age I've always hated Boston. My hatred for the city of Boston burns hotter than the fires of hell. The solution? It's simple... I must destroy Brad Kane."
Bolts Quackenbush: "That's all well and good and we'll certainly prepare for Kane, but you must remember that the pendulum swings three ways in this type of match. This triple threat match is going to be another new experience for you inside the wrestling ring. That's why I'm going to have you sparring with two partners at a time during our workouts this week. You need to adjust your equilibrium and improve your peripheral vision to recognize and acquaint yourself with the threat that two opponents pose. You're going to learn how to very suddenly change your focus, let it shift at the blink of an eye, and focus mutually on two components, two variables at once."
Chad Evans: "Do you really think that's necessary, Bolts? I believe that Prince Jimmy is a good man. I believe that Prince Jimmy will help me, he will be my ally in my mission to destroy Boston."
Bolts Quackenbush: "Is that what you think, Chad? You think Prince Jimmy is your friend? Are you that thick-headed? Prince Jimmy is going to try and make an example out of you. He wants to use you as a stepping stone. You're a hot commodity right now, you're all over the place after your match with Torture. You think Prince Jimmy's going to let you hog the spotlight?"
Evans brushes aside the threat of Prince Jimmy like dirt from his shoulder and attempts to play it down.
Chad Evans: "I'm not worried about Prince Jimmy. If I didn't fear a psychotic groundskeeper from Scotland why would I fear a royal assclown from Papua New Guinea? I've made a career out of beating the shit out of foreigners. During my MMA days I used to beat the shit out of so many Brazilians that they had to disqualify me for excessive violence during my fights. Can you believe that shit? I got disqualified from No Holds Barred fights because I was beating those dudes so bad in their own hometowns, in front of their families and friends. That shit was brutal, I had no mercy."
Bolts Quackenbush: "Don't recite your personal history to me like I'm some noob media jerkoff who doesn't know his shit. I was there with you every step of the way, Chad. I trained you for it, the rigors and the ordeals, the stress. I know what you're capable of and I also know your tendencies, your weaknesses. You're not pulling the wool over my eyes. I'm not going to let you get away with slacking."
Chad Evans: "You're being a motherfucker, Bolts."
Bolts Quackenbush: "Don't call me a motherfucker, Chad. I will smack the shit out of you."
More squabbling would ensue with Bolts eventually smacking the shit out of Evans, thus ending the Monday morning brainstorming session.
Monday Afternoon:
After their morning discourse Bolts and Evans drove to the gym for their afternoon workout session. Evans breezed through the weight lifting and running sessions, he's really been working hard to improve his strength and stamina over these last few months and the results speak for themselves. More recent and unconventional additions to Evans' workout regimen have been the swimming and yoga sessions. Before his swimming 200 laps a day at the gym for the last few weeks, Evans hadn't done much swimming since his days as a skinny dipping youngster in rural Connecticut.
While the yoga classes were Bolts' suggestion, it didn't take much convincing for Evans to agree to them. The yoga classes are Evans' idea of Heaven on Earth. Sexy women stretching their bodies in tight leotards in front of him, and those women don't get freaked out when he stares, because it's all part of the "learning process".
Evans has completed his yoga class for the afternoon and now he's chatting with Bolts after class, in the hallway just outside the yoga room.
Chad Evans: "In retrospect I think that I was making fun of Kane because I was feeling insecure about myself. I couldn't say that in front of Sandy. I already confided in her last week, about my fear of Torture. If I start expressing my feelings all the time she'll think I'm emo. God forbid I should be more like Brad Kane."
Bolts Quackenbush: "There you go again."
Chad Evans: "I'm sorry I can't help it. It's like a broken faucet, once I turn it on, I can't turn it off. Besides, he started it."
Bolts Quackenbush: "That never happened."
Evans sighs.
Chad Evans: "There once was a time when all I wanted out of life was real baloney and restaurant quality meatloaf. Now that I have food I need something more in my life. I need a woman to get lovey dovey all the time with. Maybe in some ways I'm jealous of Kane. Maybe I want to be tied down to one woman, have a shitload of kids to look after, never be able to get laid on the road... nah."
Hot Chick that Evans met at yoga class
Pleasantly interrupting the conversation, a beautiful woman from the yoga class approaches Evans, she walks right up to him. This woman is quite ravishing, she has long black hair, movie star looks, smoking hot body, and she's wearing a tight red leotard that shows off everything. Evans stares at the beads of sweat glistening on her perfectly round breasts like melons, her heaving bosom lifted and separated by her sports bra with all the splendor and glory of a hansom cab.
Hot Chick: "I was checking you out in class today. You're really good, do you know that? You have amazing flexibility."
Chad Evans: "Thank you, I noticed you too. You have amazing... everything."
"Don't stare at her boobs, Don't stare at her boobs," Evans tells himself.
Hot Chick: "I think I've seen you on TV. You're a martial artist, right? Do you know Jiu Jitsu submissions?"
Chad Evans: "Oh my God... they can talk?"
The girl has a confused look on her face. Evans looks up at her face and stammers to explain himself.
Chad Evans: "Uhhh... I mean, yeah, I fuck around with some shit from time to time."
Hot Chick: "Do you have a pen? I want to give you my number. You should call me sometime. My name is Holly."
Evans grabs a pen out of his fanny pack and hands it to the woman. The woman writes her name and number on the back of a business card, a card for a shoe repair shop, Evans notes. The girl slips the card and the pen into Evans' fanny pack and then struts away, with Evans' eyes locked on her ass.
Chad Evans: "A little Holly under the Christmas tree during this holiday season? I like that. I'm gonna make sure that she wears stockings and heels and nothing else."
Bolts Quackenbush: "So it seems that your newfound fame has resulted in a newfound popularity with the ladies. What would Sandy think about all of this?"
Chad Evans: "Look, Bolts, Sandy is a sweet girl, but she's not my girlfriend or anything. We're not serious, just friends."
Bolts Quackenbush: "Does she know that?"
Chad Evans: "I would think so, yes. Women know these things, right? Women's intuition?"
Bolts Quackenbush: "Chad, do you remember when we were talking in the kitchen this morning when you were lamenting the opportunity of a lifetime that you let slip through your hands, in your own words? And just now when you mentioned your desire for something more in your life, a woman to get lovey dovey all the time with? Don't you think that you're overlooking the obvious?"
Chad Evans: "I hear ya, and believe me I've considered the possibility. The truth is that it's never been easy for me. I've never had the Leonardo DiCaprio looks or that John Travolta strut."
Bolts wraps his arm around Evans' shoulder, like a father talking to his son.
Bolts Quackenbush: "In life sometimes you have to get knocked down a few times before you can learn how to walk the walk. But here's the catch: He who walks the walk becomes a very powerful man."
Bolts musses Evans' hair with his hand and together they walk to their next destination in the gym, the boxing room. From here Evans and Bolts will move onto their boxing and then eventually grappling sessions with multiple sparring partners at the gym, obviously part of their more traditional training regimen.
Tuesday Afternoon:
Evans' workout on Monday afternoon was a full load. Before his workout on Tuesday afternoon Evans took a drive over to his agent Dave Kartel's office in Hartford. Kartel had called Evans a little while earlier with "big news". Evans is seated in a chair in front of Kartel's office desk, a modern looking office in a modern looking building, with a tasteful, modern decor.
Chad Evans: "So, Dave, what's this big news that you promised me?"
Dave Kartel: "Chad, are you sitting down for this?"
Chad Evans: "Yes, I'm sitting down."
Dave Kartel: "Oh God, I'm so excited that I can't even look at you right now. Oh well I might as well just tell you... WCF has begun marketing a new line of Enlighten Us Chad! T-shirts! Isn't that wonderful news?"
Chad Evans: "I don't get it. What is that? What does Enlighten Us Chad mean?"
Dave Kartel: "It's a classic broadcasting call from your match against Torture on Sunday. It was the phrase that Zach Davis exclaimed when you were going for the Height of Enlightenment, it was so dramatic, the heat of the moment, the height of the electricity... the Height of Enlightenment! Enlighten us Chad! It was a simple phrase that resonated with the common fan and people have been talking about it ever since... and now it's on a T-shirt!"
Kartel holds up a T-shirt with the likeness of Evans standing poised on the top rope and the words "Enlighten Us Chad!" emblazoned in big, bold letters on the bottom of the shirt.
Chad Evans: "Do I get any royalties from that?"
Dave Kartel: "No, you agreed to sign away your name and likeness to WCF's parent company for the next twenty years when you signed your contract with Seth Lerch, uh, but you do get a free T-shirt."
Chad Evans: "Shit... I need a new agent."
Tuesday Night:
On Tuesday night Evans is at home taking care of some busy work around the house. Evans is tired and achy after another long workout at the gym. It was a productive workout, Evans learned a new move from the Orient that he will hope to implement on his opponents this Sunday. Still, Evans is tired and he needs to unwind a little bit. That's why Evans is cleaning the shower tiles in his master bathroom, a fun and productive activity.
Evans is a tad weary from his busy day and that fatigue causes him to accidentally mix two volatile cleaning chemicals together. Evans suddenly becomes light headed and faints, banging his head against the side of the shower in the process making a loud thud, then screaming out in pain. Sandy and Bolts come running upstairs to help him.
Sandy: "Oh my God, are you alright, Chad? Eww! I better open the window, those chemicals smell nasty."
Sandy opens the window while Bolts helps Evans to his feet and walks him to the master bedroom, which is adjoined to the bathroom. Evans lays down in his bed, holding one hand on his head, his other arm dangling limp and strewn about. Sandy sits down next to Evans, massaging his head where Evans is holding it. Bolts watches over at the foot of the bed.
Sandy: "Are you feeling OK, Chad? That looks like a nasty bump."
Chad Evans: "I feel fine, Sandra. I'm going to lie down now. Oops, I'm already lying down, haha!"
Evans looks up and sees Bolts standing at the foot of the bed.
Chad Evans: "Can you please make me some beef stew, mother?"
Bolts Quackenbush: "I'm not your mother."
Sandy: "I left some grilled salmon in the fridge for dinner, would you like that, Chad?"
Chad Evans: "Oh, no, thank you, my dear Sandra. I'm much too tired to eat dinner now. I should get some shut eye before the bed bugs set in."
Sandy kisses Evans on his forehead.
Sandy: "Good night, Chad. Feel better."
Evans quickly drifts off to a deep slumber and begins snoring loudly. Bolts leaves the room. Sandy turns off the light, blows a kiss to Evans as he sleeps, walks out of the room and quietly closes the door behind her.
Wednesday Morning:
Perhaps due to the bump on his head, perhaps due to raw sexual energy, Evans has a wild, wild dream in bed that night. Evans dreams about being on a white sand beach in the Tropics, far far away from the snow of New England winter. Evans isn't alone, he's with that girl Holly from the gym on Monday. It's just Evans and Holly frolicking on the beach together, living it up with fun in the sun.
After a few hours of watching her big boobs bounce up and down, Evans demands relief from Holly. Holly wraps her dick sucking lips around Evans' cock and gives him the most intense blowjob that he's ever experienced. Evans can feel the sensations in his manhood as Holly rubs her lips up and down his shaft, tickling the head with her tongue, adding even greater stimulation. After a few more moments of this, Evans can no longer contain himself and he explodes. At that precise moment Evans wakes up, feeling the rush of the orgasm as if it were real.
Chad Evans: "Whoa..."
The daylight creeps in through the shades in Evans' bedroom and he looks at the clock. He can't make out the digits which means that it's too early to be awake. Still, Evans feels great after that incredible dream about Holly. He thinks about jerking it, but then he notices something peculiar; the urge isn't there. Evans is jerking it but there's no horniness working.
Evans turns on the light on the nightstand and lifts up his blanket. He sees a load of white, gooey spunk sprayed all over the blanket and sheets.
Chad Evans: "DAMN! That was a good dream! I gotta get me more of that!"
Evans quickly turns off the light, rolls over and drifts back to sleep.
Moments after the conclusion of last Sunday's Slam main event, Chad Evans is running amuck in the backstage area of the WCF Arena. Evans is livid following his loss to Torture in the semifinals of the WCF World Title Tournament and he's making his displeasure known to those around him. Evans is still wearing his wrestling gear as he flips over tables and tosses chairs, monitors, food, drinks, ice, rolls of tape, anything that he can get his hands on. All the while Torture's theme music is blaring on the PA system, infuriating Evans even further as he stomps back toward his locker room, leaving a path of carnage in his wake.
Nobody dares cross Evans while he's in this state, especially due to his notorious martial arts background. Ultimately one of the WCF road agents gets a hold of Evans' trainer Bolts Quackenbush and informs Bolts of Evans' behavior. Upon hearing the news, Bolts quickly chases down Evans in the backstage area and gives Evans an earful.
Bolts Quackenbush: "Chad! What the hell are you doing? What are you making all of this ruckus for? You're making a goddamned fool of yourself! Calm yourself down and get your ass back to the locker room, I want to talk to you... NOW!"
Evans adheres to his trainer's instructions and stomps back to the locker room, all the while huffing and puffing and foaming at the mouth. Upon reaching the locker room Evans kicks the door open, Seagal style, and stomps into the room.
Chad Evans: "Dammit Dammit Dammit!"
Evans screams a stream of obscenities while punching a hole into the locker room wall.
Chad Evans: "You sissy! You goddamn sissy!"
Evans is breathing heavy and shaking with rage like an escaped mental patient. Bolts runs into the locker room and closes what's left of the door and its hinges behind him.
Bolts Quackenbush: "Calm down, you lunatic! Would you calm the fuck down?"
Bolts slaps Evans' face to snap him out of his psychotic tirade.
Bolts Quackenbush: "Listen to me, Chad! You came close to beating Torture, very close, closer than anybody ever has. Don't beat yourself up just because you lost the damn match, OK? It's not the end of the goddamned world!"
Chad Evans: "Close? You think that matters to me? You think I give a shit about close? Close don't mean a damn thing to me right now. I'm just another victim that Torture added to his hit list. You think I'm supposed to just let it go, not let it bother me? Well it hurts, goddamnit. It hurts like a motherfucker, it cuts like a knife. I've been knocked out cold in Vale Tudo competition but it didn't hurt as bad as this."
Bolts grabs Evans by his chin and looks him square in the eye.
Bolts Quackenbush: "I'm going to give you some advice right now, as both your trainer and your friend. Does it hurt? Yes it hurts, but you're going to have to snap out of your little pity party and get over it. You need to mature, you need to grow up and you need to do it right now. Sometimes you're going to lose, no matter how hard you train and no matter how much you want to win. You are going to lose sometimes, but you cannot let the pain of that loss defeat you. You cannot let it distract you from your ultimate goal, your ultimate purpose."
Evans rubs the top of his head with both hands and then throws both arms up in frustration while pacing around the locker room.
Chad Evans: "So I'm supposed to do what exactly? Just forget about it and move on? Forget that all of my dreams were half an inch away from becoming a reality before they were snatched away from me?"
Bolts holds his hand up, his index finger extended toward Evans.
Bolts Quackenbush: "No, I don't want you to forget about it. I want you to channel the hurt and the anger and the disappointment, and I want you to use it as motivation. Use it as motivation to train harder, to get smarter, to raise your IQ as a fighter. Use it as motivation to become more focused, determined and disciplined. Use it as motivation to better yourself as a person and a wrestler."
Chad is soaking in the knowledge that Bolts is teaching him when they're interrupted by a knock at the door, or what's left of it. The impact of the knock causes the door to come crashing down straight forward onto the floor. A WCF official/stooge in a suit is standing in the doorway with a sneer on his face and his arms akimbo.
Stooge in suit: "Excuse me, but what the hell happened here, and who's going to pay for these damages?"
Evans smirks and shakes his head.
Chad Evans: "I don't know, Charlie, I guess I lost my head for a moment. You know what they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stranger!"
The stooge gets an incredulous look on his face and he points his finger at Evans like a real tough guy.
Stooge in suit: "Oh you're gonna pay, Evans. The damages are coming out of your paycheck, and I'll personally see to it that you're escorted from the building by armed guards."
Evans' eyes grow wide, he's seeing red again. Bolts does his best to hold Evans back.
Chad Evans: "Hey Charlie, why don't you walk over here and try it? Why don't you escort me from the building yourself, tough guy in a suit, corporate stooge? I'll nail your ass to the cross and crucify your ass six ways from Sunday, you cock sucking, dog raping, son of a whore!"
Bolts grabs hold of Evans' head, and turns Evans' head toward his until they're making eye contact.
Bolts Quackenbush: "Don't worry about that shit, Chad, I'll take care of it. I want you take a shower and get dressed, and then we're taking the first plane back to Hartford."
Bolts taps Evans on the cheek with his fist and then walks over to the stooge in the suit, trying to buy Evans some time to get showered and dressed. Evans calmly walks over to the shower area, turns on the water, drops trou and pops into the shower.
Monday Morning:
After a short but restless flight home, Evans spent the night in his bed at home, still restless. It's now morning and Evans is sitting on a stool at the kitchen counter. Dressed in pajamas and slippers, Evans is sulking over a bowl of Wheaties. Evans has bruises on face and a cut over his eye. Evans is feeling the physical damage on the morning after his loss to Torture, but the emotional scars from the loss run deeper. Evans is depressed, he's lapsed into a sort of emotional malaise. Evans can't let the thought escape his mind; he can't stop thinking that everything that he's worked for was within his grasp and he let it slip away, and it's a chance that he might never receive again. All of that is weighing on Evans' mind as he stares blankly at the box of Wheaties on the counter top and lets out a depressed sigh.
Chad Evans: "Breakfast of champions? I'm not worthy."
Evans shakes his head and shovels a spoonful of cereal into his mouth. The sound of a key jingling in the front door of the cabin momentarily snaps Evans out of his trance. The sound of Bolts' voice calls out to Evans from the living room.
Bolts Quackenbush: "Chad, it's me. Are you awake?"
Evans swallows the mouthful of Wheaties before replying to Bolts.
Chad Evans: "I'm in the kitchen, Bolts."
Bolts walks into the kitchen dressed in his usual gray sweatsuit. Tagging along with Bolts are Ultra Nova Dojo's head chef and all-around babe Sandy and Ultra Nova staff member and all-around nice guy Nick Katsopolis.
Sandy: "Good morning, Chad. I hope you slept well."
Sandy flashes a smile at Evans, trying her best to hide the concerned look on her face, and gives him a peck on the cheek, then she rubs his shoulder. Evans seems oblivious, as if staring off into space.
Nick Katsopolis: "Chad, what's up, my man? Great match last night."
Nick pats Evans on the shoulder and sits down on a stool next to him. Again this attempt at friendly interaction draws no reaction from Evans.
Bolts Quackenbush: "Hey Chad, how are you feeling?"
Bolts waves his hand in front of Evans' face. After a few moments Evans is startled and looks up at Bolts.
Chad Evans: "Huh? What?"
Bolts Quackenbush: "I asked you how you're feeling?"
Evans nods before loading a spoonful of cereal into his mouth and again staring at the Wheaties box.
Chad Evans: "Oh well... I've got bruises on my face and body, a cut over my eye, and my muscles are sore from my head to my toes."
Bolts Quackenbush: "I understand that, Chad, and I expected that, but I'm asking you how do you feel?"
Evans drops the spoon on the counter top and looks up at Bolts, right into his eyes.
Chad Evans: "I feel like shit. How the hell do I accept the fact that I let the biggest opportunity of my life slip away, I let it slip right through my hands?"
Evans looks at Nick and Sandy, and shakes his head in disappointment.
Chad Evans: "I'm sorry, guys. I let you down. I let everybody down, everybody at Ultra Nova, all the fans. I'm a failure and a disgrace."
Sandy: "Chad, don't say those things. We're all very proud of you. You lost a classic match to an all-time legend of the sport, there's no shame in that."
Sandy rubs Evans' shoulders, Evans lets out a slight moan.
Nick Katsopolis: "Sandy's right, Chad. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You were wrestling in the second match of your career against a world-class opponent with years of experience. Your performance far exceeded everyone's expectations."
Evans nods his head, then ponders for a moment. Evans breaks out of his thought by suddenly slamming his fist on the counter top.
Chad Evans: "Those lying hedonistic vibes! They teased me! They made me think that I was close!"
Bolts grabs hold of Evans' shoulders and shakes him.
Bolts Quackenbush: "You were close dammit!"
Evans grabs hold of Bolts' shoulders and shakes him.
Chad Evans: "Not as close as you think! I never was that close and I never will be!"
Bolts Quackenbush: "Because you lost one match?"
Chad Evans: "Because I lost the match. It wasn't one match, it wasn't a match, it was THE fucking match that everybody works their entire career to reach. There's been a million wrestlers who busted their hump for ten, twenty years and they're never rewarded with the opportunity that I received in my second career match, and guess what? I just blew it last night in front of the world."
Evans taps his knuckles on the counter top.
Chad Evans: "You know, WCF management called me this morning. They told me that I'm opening the show on Sunday night against Brad Kane and Prince Jimmy Dean in a triple threat match. Can you believe that? In one week I've gone from main eventer to curtain jerker. Torture was right, I'm nothing without him."
Bolts throws up his hands in frustration, almost as if pleading.
Bolts Quackenbush: "Sandy, would you calm him down? Give him a dick massage, will ya?"
Bolts' request causes a stunned, quizzical expression to appear on Sandy's beautiful face.
Sandy: "What about the rules, Bolts? You said that Chad isn't allowed to cum until he wins the World Title."
Bolts Quackenbush: "Fuck the rules, Sandy, we're trying something new. This kid is about to go apeshit bonkers if he doesn't get a release. I need you to service him, girl. I know that it's not in your contract, but you knew when we hired you that you would be on call for certain... extracurricular activities."
Sandy nods in understanding, offering no outward resistance.
Sandy: "I'll do it if you think that it's in the best interests of the team, Bolts."
Bolts nods at Sandy, a solemn expression on his face. Sandy opens her purse and pulls out a small bottle of lotion. Sandy pours some of the lotion onto her hands and rubs them together, rubbing the lotion into her skin, making her hands soft and smooth. After this task is complete Sandy pulls close to Evans and looks him in the eye.
Sandy: "Before we begin, and for the sake of our friendship and our working relationship, I must insist that we keep this strictly professional, Chad. At least as professional as we can, do you agree?"
Evans nods in compliance. Sandy and Evans take each other's hands and walk upstairs together. They walk into the master bedroom and close the door behind them. Within a few moments pleasure moans begin to emanate from inside the room.
Downstairs, Bolts and Nick watch an old Hitchcock movie on the flat screen in the living room, trying not to allow their imaginations to get carried away by the drama in the master bedroom. A bouncing bed can also be heard now, accompanied by female moaning and screaming, and a man grunting and shouting "Who's your daddy?" over and over again.
After thirty minutes of this Sandy and Evans emerge from the bedroom hand in hand with smiles on their faces, brimming smiles from ear to ear. Evans certainly appears to be in a happier, calmer and more lucid state of mind than he exhibited previously. Evans sits down on the love seat in the living room, next to the sofa where Bolts and Nick are seated. Sandy sits down on Evans' lap, Evans wraps his arms around her and they kiss on the lips.
Bolts Quackenbush: "How do you feel now, Chad?"
Evans smiles and laughs.
Chad Evans: "That was a nice treat, it was special. Sandy is a very special lady. She definitely helped me, more than words can express. I feel much better now."
Evans nibbles on Sandy's ear and then Sandy and Evans kiss again on the lips. Bolts and Nick smile politely, trying not to eavesdrop, Sandy smiles coyly back at them. Evans takes a deep breath and then exhales, with a mile wide smile tattooed to his face.
Chad Evans: "I'd grab a smoke if I wasn't such a finely tuned athlete."
Bolts gets serious.
Bolts Quackenbush: "None of that nonsense, Chad. I only let you cum because I could tell that you needed to release the tension."
Chad Evans: "I know that, Bolts, and I appreciate it, I really do. Thank you for your help, Sandy, my dear."
Evans winks at Sandy, she blushes. They rub noses and smile.
Bolts Quackenbush: "Alright that's enough helping, Sandy. The two of you have company, you know."
Bolts stands up from the couch and pulls Sandy over to the couch with him and Nick, she sits down between them.
Chad Evans: "Yeah well I do feel much better, but there's one thing that I still can't understand, one concept that I cannot fully grasp. Why are there people like Torture in this world? They deserve nothing but they get everything handed to them, it all falls into their lap. I would call Torture a piece of shit, but that would be an insult to bowel movements everywhere."
Bolts Quackenbush: "There's no rhyme or reason for it, Chad. Sometimes good things happen to bad people, and sometimes bad things happen to good people. That's just the way life is, Chad. Most people are equally blessed and cursed, a select few fall into one category or the other. Some people whom are blessed don't appreciate their blessings. Don't let it eat away at you, Chad. Those people will pay a high price for their evil ways in the next world."
Chad Evans: "I suppose that you're right, Bolts. There's something else that I can't shake either. I just keep remembering back to the match last night when I had Torture on the verge of being defeated, I had him at my command. The problem was that in that moment I was experiencing the feeling of being drunk, not drunk with power, mind you. I'm talking about really drunk, like when I drank all that brandy during the Internet stream last week and made myself the center of that whole furor. It was a weird feeling, Bolts. My instincts... I knew what I wanted to do, but I couldn't make my brain send the necessary information to my body."
Bolts Quackenbush: "You were drunk, Chad, you were punch drunk. You've never experienced that before in all of your fights around the world?"
Chad Evans: "Yes I have, but never to this extent. It was like I was experiencing a state of delirium, I wasn't entirely sure that I was in the ring wrestling, it could have all been a dream. It didn't help that there was so much shit going on independent of the match itself. I mean first the ref was down, then there were all these dudes jumping into the ring, Jones and Outcast, I didn't know what the hell was going on. I didn't know if I was supposed to continue wrestling or not. It was a new experience, that's for sure."
Bolts Quackenbush: "You always keep going until the bell rings, Chad. Let that be a lesson to you."
Chad Evans: "I know that now and it's a lesson that I will never forget. I guess I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I have to admit that the match was a powerful learning tool. If nothing else I erased the doubt that I had before the match. As the match went on longer I knew that I could hold my own with Torture, even defeat him at his own sick game."
Nick Katsopolis: "You kicked out of the Torture's Device, Chad. You're the first man to ever do that."
Chad Evans: "That was pretty awesome, but I have to admit that I was mostly running on fumes at that point. I guess I did better than I thought."
Evans looks Bolts in the eye, Bolts looks right back at Evans.
Chad Evans: "But as Bolts would say, there's no time for resting on laurels and kudos. I'm wrestling two established superstars on Sunday Slam and I have to turn my attention to those two men, Brad Kane and Prince Jimmy Dean."
Bolts Quackenbush: "That's very studious of you, young lad. Shall we hold our brainstorming session before we hit the gym?"
Chad Evans: "Absolutely. Here's some info that I think can help us prepare for the match. I read the online bio, the Internet bio for the Kane family, it's their family history online, and I noticed something very striking: Their entire family is really fucked up. To be honest they remind me of the Firefly family from House of a Thousand Corpses and the Devil's Rejects.. They probably have corpses lying around their house and body parts stuck in their freezer."
Sandy: "Oh Chad, those are terrible things to say. Don't be mean, it's not in your nature."
Chad Evans: "Why should I bite my tongue, Sandy? That family is whacked and the man himself, Mr. Brad Kane is an insidious, lascivious cretin. I know that he's also a ceaseless pervert who spends all of his spare time fornicating and dreaming about fornicating. I don't want you to go anywhere near him, Sandy. Not at the Arena on Sunday and not ever. Not even at trade shows, in fact those are the most dangerous places of all. There's too many open fields and back country roads."
Bolts sits on the couch and listens astutely, as if studying Evans' every word.
Nick Katsopolis: "Brad's had his share of problems but he's worked hard to overcome his demons. He seems like a perfectly nice guy."
Chad Evans: "Oh really? Is that what you think, Nick? Then why, pray tell, doesn't the man's wife trust him? A little birdie told me that Mrs. Kane will be sending one of the couple's children to spy on daddy during the show on Sunday, to make sure that the Reckless One doesn't get too "Reckless" with any of the bimbos and skanks that populate the greater Allegheny metropolitan area. That also shows you what type of wonderful mother she must be. Go spy on daddy, make sure he doesn't hit any of that groupie poontang at the hotel after the show. Mommy will give you cookies when you get home."
Sandy: "How could you possibly know any of that, Chad? You sound like you're drunk again, and I'm beginning to regret giving you a taste of my poontang."
Chad Evans: "I will ignore that snide remark, my dear. As per your question, what can I say? The walls in Boston are exceptionally thin. The most pertinent factor in this entire equation is that Brad Kane is clearly unbalanced. I suspect that the man is experiencing the emo version of a midlife crisis, which begins at birth and ends at death."
Bolts Quackenbush: "Chadwick, after listening carefully to your chosen words it has become quite apparent to me that you hold an intense disdain, a pronounced hatred for this man Brad Kane. May I inquire as to the root of your dismay?"
Chad Evans: "It's weird, before the show on Sunday I had an epiphany that Brad Kane walked up to me backstage and called Bobby Cairo a homo. That emocore motherfucker had the nerve, the audacity to talk shit about Bobby Cairo and then proceeded to get tooled by Corey Black? What a fuck up! What do you think I'm gonna do to him?"
Bolts Quackenbush: "Chad, you were dreaming, that didn't actually happen, well at least not the part about Kane talking shit about Cairo."
Chad Evans: "But it seemed so vivid, so surreal."
Bolts Quackenbush: "Chad, those two words refer to completely different things."
Chad Evans: "I don't mean surreal, I mean serene. He was calm when he was making these disrespectful overtures."
Bolts Quackenbush: "That was just a dream. That was just a dream."
Evans and Bolts stand up from their seats and sway to the music in their heads, singing into the invisible microphones in their hands.
Chad Evans: "That's me in the corner, that's me in the spotlight, losing my religion."
Bolts Quackenbush: "Trying to keep up with you, and I don't know if I can do it."
Chad Evans: "Oh no, I've said too much, I haven't said enough."
Evans and Bolts exchange a high five.
Bolts Quackenbush: "You've still got the pipes, kid."
Chad Evans: "I learned from the best, Bolts. You're the man... ooh, and now it's time for a piss break!"
Evans sprints into the bathroom, shuts the door behind him and takes a long, loud piss. After he's finished Evans shakes off his dick and tucks it back into his pajama bottoms. Sandy and Nick have decided to take leave, weirded out by the events transpired of this morning, they sneak out the door while Evans is in the can.
Evans returns to the living room to find Bolts sitting on the sofa, clipboard and pen in hand. Evans sits down in the recliner and puts his feet up.
Bolts Quackenbush: "Chad, I want you to tell me about your goals. What are you goals as you move forward with your wrestling career?"
Evans talks slowly, calmly and rationally. His demeanor and the tone of his voice do not necessarily reflect the content of the words coming out of his mouth. Bolts sits and listens, engrossed in Evans' diatribe.
Chad Evans: "With the WCF World Title now firmly out of my reach, I will turn my attention toward a new goal: I must destroy Boston. I tried to destroy Boston when I was a child. I wrote on my old bedroom walls, I wrote "Must destroy Boston" on the walls ten thousand times in Yankees pinstripes. Can you believe that? From a very young age I've always hated Boston. My hatred for the city of Boston burns hotter than the fires of hell. The solution? It's simple... I must destroy Brad Kane."
Bolts Quackenbush: "That's all well and good and we'll certainly prepare for Kane, but you must remember that the pendulum swings three ways in this type of match. This triple threat match is going to be another new experience for you inside the wrestling ring. That's why I'm going to have you sparring with two partners at a time during our workouts this week. You need to adjust your equilibrium and improve your peripheral vision to recognize and acquaint yourself with the threat that two opponents pose. You're going to learn how to very suddenly change your focus, let it shift at the blink of an eye, and focus mutually on two components, two variables at once."
Chad Evans: "Do you really think that's necessary, Bolts? I believe that Prince Jimmy is a good man. I believe that Prince Jimmy will help me, he will be my ally in my mission to destroy Boston."
Bolts Quackenbush: "Is that what you think, Chad? You think Prince Jimmy is your friend? Are you that thick-headed? Prince Jimmy is going to try and make an example out of you. He wants to use you as a stepping stone. You're a hot commodity right now, you're all over the place after your match with Torture. You think Prince Jimmy's going to let you hog the spotlight?"
Evans brushes aside the threat of Prince Jimmy like dirt from his shoulder and attempts to play it down.
Chad Evans: "I'm not worried about Prince Jimmy. If I didn't fear a psychotic groundskeeper from Scotland why would I fear a royal assclown from Papua New Guinea? I've made a career out of beating the shit out of foreigners. During my MMA days I used to beat the shit out of so many Brazilians that they had to disqualify me for excessive violence during my fights. Can you believe that shit? I got disqualified from No Holds Barred fights because I was beating those dudes so bad in their own hometowns, in front of their families and friends. That shit was brutal, I had no mercy."
Bolts Quackenbush: "Don't recite your personal history to me like I'm some noob media jerkoff who doesn't know his shit. I was there with you every step of the way, Chad. I trained you for it, the rigors and the ordeals, the stress. I know what you're capable of and I also know your tendencies, your weaknesses. You're not pulling the wool over my eyes. I'm not going to let you get away with slacking."
Chad Evans: "You're being a motherfucker, Bolts."
Bolts Quackenbush: "Don't call me a motherfucker, Chad. I will smack the shit out of you."
More squabbling would ensue with Bolts eventually smacking the shit out of Evans, thus ending the Monday morning brainstorming session.
Monday Afternoon:
After their morning discourse Bolts and Evans drove to the gym for their afternoon workout session. Evans breezed through the weight lifting and running sessions, he's really been working hard to improve his strength and stamina over these last few months and the results speak for themselves. More recent and unconventional additions to Evans' workout regimen have been the swimming and yoga sessions. Before his swimming 200 laps a day at the gym for the last few weeks, Evans hadn't done much swimming since his days as a skinny dipping youngster in rural Connecticut.
While the yoga classes were Bolts' suggestion, it didn't take much convincing for Evans to agree to them. The yoga classes are Evans' idea of Heaven on Earth. Sexy women stretching their bodies in tight leotards in front of him, and those women don't get freaked out when he stares, because it's all part of the "learning process".
Evans has completed his yoga class for the afternoon and now he's chatting with Bolts after class, in the hallway just outside the yoga room.
Chad Evans: "In retrospect I think that I was making fun of Kane because I was feeling insecure about myself. I couldn't say that in front of Sandy. I already confided in her last week, about my fear of Torture. If I start expressing my feelings all the time she'll think I'm emo. God forbid I should be more like Brad Kane."
Bolts Quackenbush: "There you go again."
Chad Evans: "I'm sorry I can't help it. It's like a broken faucet, once I turn it on, I can't turn it off. Besides, he started it."
Bolts Quackenbush: "That never happened."
Evans sighs.
Chad Evans: "There once was a time when all I wanted out of life was real baloney and restaurant quality meatloaf. Now that I have food I need something more in my life. I need a woman to get lovey dovey all the time with. Maybe in some ways I'm jealous of Kane. Maybe I want to be tied down to one woman, have a shitload of kids to look after, never be able to get laid on the road... nah."
Hot Chick that Evans met at yoga class
Pleasantly interrupting the conversation, a beautiful woman from the yoga class approaches Evans, she walks right up to him. This woman is quite ravishing, she has long black hair, movie star looks, smoking hot body, and she's wearing a tight red leotard that shows off everything. Evans stares at the beads of sweat glistening on her perfectly round breasts like melons, her heaving bosom lifted and separated by her sports bra with all the splendor and glory of a hansom cab.
Hot Chick: "I was checking you out in class today. You're really good, do you know that? You have amazing flexibility."
Chad Evans: "Thank you, I noticed you too. You have amazing... everything."
"Don't stare at her boobs, Don't stare at her boobs," Evans tells himself.
Hot Chick: "I think I've seen you on TV. You're a martial artist, right? Do you know Jiu Jitsu submissions?"
Chad Evans: "Oh my God... they can talk?"
The girl has a confused look on her face. Evans looks up at her face and stammers to explain himself.
Chad Evans: "Uhhh... I mean, yeah, I fuck around with some shit from time to time."
Hot Chick: "Do you have a pen? I want to give you my number. You should call me sometime. My name is Holly."
Evans grabs a pen out of his fanny pack and hands it to the woman. The woman writes her name and number on the back of a business card, a card for a shoe repair shop, Evans notes. The girl slips the card and the pen into Evans' fanny pack and then struts away, with Evans' eyes locked on her ass.
Chad Evans: "A little Holly under the Christmas tree during this holiday season? I like that. I'm gonna make sure that she wears stockings and heels and nothing else."
Bolts Quackenbush: "So it seems that your newfound fame has resulted in a newfound popularity with the ladies. What would Sandy think about all of this?"
Chad Evans: "Look, Bolts, Sandy is a sweet girl, but she's not my girlfriend or anything. We're not serious, just friends."
Bolts Quackenbush: "Does she know that?"
Chad Evans: "I would think so, yes. Women know these things, right? Women's intuition?"
Bolts Quackenbush: "Chad, do you remember when we were talking in the kitchen this morning when you were lamenting the opportunity of a lifetime that you let slip through your hands, in your own words? And just now when you mentioned your desire for something more in your life, a woman to get lovey dovey all the time with? Don't you think that you're overlooking the obvious?"
Chad Evans: "I hear ya, and believe me I've considered the possibility. The truth is that it's never been easy for me. I've never had the Leonardo DiCaprio looks or that John Travolta strut."
Bolts wraps his arm around Evans' shoulder, like a father talking to his son.
Bolts Quackenbush: "In life sometimes you have to get knocked down a few times before you can learn how to walk the walk. But here's the catch: He who walks the walk becomes a very powerful man."
Bolts musses Evans' hair with his hand and together they walk to their next destination in the gym, the boxing room. From here Evans and Bolts will move onto their boxing and then eventually grappling sessions with multiple sparring partners at the gym, obviously part of their more traditional training regimen.
Tuesday Afternoon:
Evans' workout on Monday afternoon was a full load. Before his workout on Tuesday afternoon Evans took a drive over to his agent Dave Kartel's office in Hartford. Kartel had called Evans a little while earlier with "big news". Evans is seated in a chair in front of Kartel's office desk, a modern looking office in a modern looking building, with a tasteful, modern decor.
Chad Evans: "So, Dave, what's this big news that you promised me?"
Dave Kartel: "Chad, are you sitting down for this?"
Chad Evans: "Yes, I'm sitting down."
Dave Kartel: "Oh God, I'm so excited that I can't even look at you right now. Oh well I might as well just tell you... WCF has begun marketing a new line of Enlighten Us Chad! T-shirts! Isn't that wonderful news?"
Chad Evans: "I don't get it. What is that? What does Enlighten Us Chad mean?"
Dave Kartel: "It's a classic broadcasting call from your match against Torture on Sunday. It was the phrase that Zach Davis exclaimed when you were going for the Height of Enlightenment, it was so dramatic, the heat of the moment, the height of the electricity... the Height of Enlightenment! Enlighten us Chad! It was a simple phrase that resonated with the common fan and people have been talking about it ever since... and now it's on a T-shirt!"
Kartel holds up a T-shirt with the likeness of Evans standing poised on the top rope and the words "Enlighten Us Chad!" emblazoned in big, bold letters on the bottom of the shirt.
Chad Evans: "Do I get any royalties from that?"
Dave Kartel: "No, you agreed to sign away your name and likeness to WCF's parent company for the next twenty years when you signed your contract with Seth Lerch, uh, but you do get a free T-shirt."
Chad Evans: "Shit... I need a new agent."
Tuesday Night:
On Tuesday night Evans is at home taking care of some busy work around the house. Evans is tired and achy after another long workout at the gym. It was a productive workout, Evans learned a new move from the Orient that he will hope to implement on his opponents this Sunday. Still, Evans is tired and he needs to unwind a little bit. That's why Evans is cleaning the shower tiles in his master bathroom, a fun and productive activity.
Evans is a tad weary from his busy day and that fatigue causes him to accidentally mix two volatile cleaning chemicals together. Evans suddenly becomes light headed and faints, banging his head against the side of the shower in the process making a loud thud, then screaming out in pain. Sandy and Bolts come running upstairs to help him.
Sandy: "Oh my God, are you alright, Chad? Eww! I better open the window, those chemicals smell nasty."
Sandy opens the window while Bolts helps Evans to his feet and walks him to the master bedroom, which is adjoined to the bathroom. Evans lays down in his bed, holding one hand on his head, his other arm dangling limp and strewn about. Sandy sits down next to Evans, massaging his head where Evans is holding it. Bolts watches over at the foot of the bed.
Sandy: "Are you feeling OK, Chad? That looks like a nasty bump."
Chad Evans: "I feel fine, Sandra. I'm going to lie down now. Oops, I'm already lying down, haha!"
Evans looks up and sees Bolts standing at the foot of the bed.
Chad Evans: "Can you please make me some beef stew, mother?"
Bolts Quackenbush: "I'm not your mother."
Sandy: "I left some grilled salmon in the fridge for dinner, would you like that, Chad?"
Chad Evans: "Oh, no, thank you, my dear Sandra. I'm much too tired to eat dinner now. I should get some shut eye before the bed bugs set in."
Sandy kisses Evans on his forehead.
Sandy: "Good night, Chad. Feel better."
Evans quickly drifts off to a deep slumber and begins snoring loudly. Bolts leaves the room. Sandy turns off the light, blows a kiss to Evans as he sleeps, walks out of the room and quietly closes the door behind her.
Wednesday Morning:
Perhaps due to the bump on his head, perhaps due to raw sexual energy, Evans has a wild, wild dream in bed that night. Evans dreams about being on a white sand beach in the Tropics, far far away from the snow of New England winter. Evans isn't alone, he's with that girl Holly from the gym on Monday. It's just Evans and Holly frolicking on the beach together, living it up with fun in the sun.
After a few hours of watching her big boobs bounce up and down, Evans demands relief from Holly. Holly wraps her dick sucking lips around Evans' cock and gives him the most intense blowjob that he's ever experienced. Evans can feel the sensations in his manhood as Holly rubs her lips up and down his shaft, tickling the head with her tongue, adding even greater stimulation. After a few more moments of this, Evans can no longer contain himself and he explodes. At that precise moment Evans wakes up, feeling the rush of the orgasm as if it were real.
Chad Evans: "Whoa..."
The daylight creeps in through the shades in Evans' bedroom and he looks at the clock. He can't make out the digits which means that it's too early to be awake. Still, Evans feels great after that incredible dream about Holly. He thinks about jerking it, but then he notices something peculiar; the urge isn't there. Evans is jerking it but there's no horniness working.
Evans turns on the light on the nightstand and lifts up his blanket. He sees a load of white, gooey spunk sprayed all over the blanket and sheets.
Chad Evans: "DAMN! That was a good dream! I gotta get me more of that!"
Evans quickly turns off the light, rolls over and drifts back to sleep.
