Dont Mind Me, I'm Just Pooping!

[Salem Shepard]

(Detroit, MI. Monday 9:18am)
“Well, he’s weird.” Jaymz exhaled smoke from his nostrils and looked at Erik with the hard, cold stare he gave everyone else.

Erik quickly nodded in agreement from the other side of his desk looking his finest, as usual. The sun lit the white office of the ZT tower and it almost seemed Godly. The bullshark in the massive tank swam along the glass panel that was the wall of the office. Jaymz was the weight of the room and the pressure seemed thicker in here. He HATED this white office, …everything about it. Except the bullshark tank; but he hated that too at first. Considering the other side of the tank was the wall to his office, the shark grew on him.

Erik could feel the air change when Jaymz walked in and it disrupted the vibe of the room. It was something he had grown accustomed to, but he could feel it today when the giant walked into his office. He felt it more when he sat down across from him at the desk. Jaymz had something on his mind. It was about Salem Shepard, whom he had spent a lot of time with lately. But Erik was sidetracked, because his mind kept going back to one thought, “…His boots were silent on the tile….”

Erik shook his head, “Im sorry…what?”
Jaymz lowered his eyes, “Salem….that’s who we were talking about.”
“yeah..yeah..” Erik shook his head, “How long you been around him? 2 weeks?”
Jaymz nodded in agreement.

“Ok, well, it’s working then. The kids been on a roll lately.”
Jaymz didn’t like where this was going and grumbled, “I can’t do this forever.”
“And Im not asking you to, Jaymz…I know you cant. Teach him. Teach him how Vadim taught you.”

Jaymz massive chest filled with air and he sighed, "Its not that easy. He doesn't understand things the way I do."

Erik agreed, "I know...and don't look at me like this was my idea! YOU suggested this!"
"Only because we invested a lot into him and he has potential."
Erik smiled at Jaymz, "it’s more than that....You two have a lot in common."
Jaymz just shrugged, "Maybe so. But I can't follow him around forever, Erik."
"Does he even know?"

"No, he doesn't ." Jaymz pulled another cigarette from his pocket, "He ain't real sharp. Helluva fighter but damn sure ain't no scholar. I've made sure he ain't heard no voices and I've kept him focused. He don't know I've been in his head."

Erik thought this over for a moment, "You need to tell him so he can learn to deal with it on his own...but you need to teach him."

Jaymz deep growl echoed through the office as he raised his voice, "I told ya, it ain't that easy!! He's mouthy, he's reckless! We may have a lot in common, but it ain't that."

"Maybe not, but you learned how to control...." Erik's voice trailed off for a moment..... "Jaymz, if you can be taught to control that, he can learn to control those voices and that craving for blood he has. You can't deny you had to control that same desire..."

Jaymz didn't want to talk about it, but Erik wouldn't let it go.
"You had to learn control to even wrestle...otherwise, well...

Neither man spoke for a moment. Jaymz knew what he meant. He had to restrain the evil that coursed through his veins; he had to learn to control the powers he possessed. He could turn an arena into rubble with the twenty-thousand people inside in a matter of seconds if he chose to. But that kind of attention would never go away; and even Erik's political connections with be laughable in a situation like that.

Jaymz blew smoke across Erik's desk and he waved it away with his hands. He HATED Jaymz smoking in his office - but he allowed it. He knew which battles to fight with Jaymz and this wasn't one of them. Jaymz, being the asshole he was, noticed this and did it again as he spoke.

"Listen, I'll talk to him. But I have to get away for a while. There’s just....too much....too many people around there."

Erik understood. Jaymz was a loner and a friend of night. Jaymz lived off the grid and would spend his nights walking deserted roads soaking in the quiet. Almost like, …recharging. Still, Erik didn't like this.

"Jaymz!! This is a huge match!! He needs to be focused. I need him ready! WE need him ready!!

Jaymz stood up from the chair, "Erik....I'm going to fucking kill them all if I go back to Bloomfield Hills today."

"Just think about it!!" Erik pleaded

"You aint my boss. I already told you. I aint going back this week. You and Crazy J are my closest friends, I would destroy the world for you two....you know that. But if I have to go back, I'm going to destroy all of them. J included."

Erik knew that Jaymz wasn't a liar and he quickly became irritated by childish antics and Jason Cash always trying to piss him off. So he let it be. Jaymz wasn't a man you argued with and if he wanted to get away from the circus that was Crazy J, Archer, Cash and Shep - then that's what he would do.

"Alright....Alright." Erik wasn't happy. "Do what you gotta do, but we HAVE to keep this kid under control. He's too good. He'll be the future of ZT wrestling one day. I'm out, you’re out, ...So it's only Crazy J left from us originals."

Jaymz had turned away from Erik and started to leave but froze at that last comment and turned back to face him, "Who said I was done in the ring?...I’ll stick around him till the match is over, but then Im leaving for a while."

Erik had no reply for that. Even though Jaymz had eclipsed the age of forty several years ago - he was still one of the most deadly men on the planet.

“Jaymz..” Erik cleared his throat, “I don’t like sharing a city with the Pantheon guys.”

The giant only shrugged, “Yeah, but you knew they did business here before they even came back to the WCF.”

“I know…But this is our city, and it’s been our city for over a decade.”
“Should I remove them?”
Erik didn’t agree, “No…No…let our boys handle them in the ring, then we’ll remove them from our city.”

Jaymz agreed with the plan and walked out of the office. Erik noticed again that his footsteps made no noise on the marble floor. The giant’s massive boots should have echoed in the large office like always, but they didn't, and Erik shuddered. What did he mean that he wasn’t done? Was he getting back into the ring? In a way, Erik hoped not. Yes, they wanted to bring the WCF to its knees, …but Jaymz would wipe it off the face of the planet.

********

(Bloomfield Hills, MI – Schizos house, same time. 9:18am)
The room was filled with odd pieces of art that hung from the walls, morbid sculptures were scattered across the floor with some standing as high as five feet. Salem was a collector; he appreciated the weird, horrifying pieces that most people didn’t. Since he had gotten paid by ZT and WCF he had finally been able to purchase some of the pieces he had always desired. Only one light in the ceiling fixture had a bulb screwed in and it cast an eerie, pale light in the room. The windows had been covered in plywood and at the farthest end of the room, there was Salem. He was sitting in the massive throne that he had bought a while back. Skulls made the ends of the arm rests, rib bones made of steel formed the sides of the chair and two giant claws extended up from the back with the claws pointed down at Salem’s head. He wore long black shorts, a black button up shirt and a black ZT hat twisted to the side. A tray sat on his lap with a massive pile of weed as he licked the sticky end of the rolling paper and twisted up the joint like a fucking professional.

He sparked the end of the joint, took a couple quick puffs to get it going and hoped up from the throne. There was a far out look in his eyes, a look that we hadn’t seen in a while - the far out, paranoid look of a schizophrenic. He walked out of the room, puffing on the joint quickly, his hand slightly shaking. He wound his way through the house and into the kitchen where a mess of pumpkin sat on the table. He had the trashcan pulled up next to the table, but the guts of the pumpkin seemed to be more on the floor than in the trashcan. He sat down at the table, the joint hung from his mouth as he turned the pumpkin looking for the best side to carve. He ran his hand across the best area and picked up the knife and started working. Salem didn’t use a stencil, he didn’t poke any little holes before he started….he just stabbed the knife in…and stopped. He tilted his head and a weird smile crossed his face as the smoke from the joint slowly lifted into the air. He pulled the knife out of the pumpkin and stabbed it again. The smile widened and he stabbed the pumpkin twice more and laughed a little. He shook his head as if trying to refocus and started to cut a triangle shaped eye in the pumpkin. He puffed on the joint as he worked and the scene faded out…

*******

Salem stood at the kitchen sink looking down at the water rushing over the knife he used to carve the pumpkin. His fingertips were orange and he had strands of pumpkin guts on his arms. He seemed focused, he never blinked and he stood completely still watching the water wash down the sink drain.

“Salem…Son….”

The voice came from behind him and he slowly raised his head but didn’t turn around. Fear gripped him from the inside, his stomach seemed to cramp and his grip on the lip of the sink tightened. He knew that voice…The raspy voice, the gurgling from the blood…His father. The piece of shit. The dead man hadn’t paid him a visit in a while, but he was pretty sure this was coming as the voices raged in his head today. It had been several weeks since the voices raged in his mind, ordering him around – and he obeyed. He gave in to them several weeks back, determined to let the old Salem Shepard go and not having anything hold him back from being successful in the WCF. He slowly turned around to face the voice. He expected to see his father standing there wearing the same clothes he had killed himself in, but that wasn’t the case.

The pumpkin was gone and his father’s head sat on the table, looking at him…blinking at him. The gunshot wound in the right side his head was still there, the exit wound on the left side of his head was partially covered by tatters of flesh and strands of hair. The trashcan was still next to the table but it was no longer covered in pumpkin goop and seeds. Red blood ran down its sides with pieces of brain matter stuck to the floor. A smile formed on the head of the dead man, but not on the left side as that corner of his mouth had been blown away by the .357 that took his life when Salem was a kid.

Salem froze, keeping his back to the sink and he looked at the head on the table on the other side of the room.

“Come here…” It demanded.

The voices in Salem’s head told him to obey his father and show the man some fucking respect. So, Salem obeyed and slowly walked across the kitchen and stood facing the head.

“Sit down…” the raspy voice demanded with a slight gurgle of blood caught in its throat.

He slowly pulled out the kitchen chair as it screeched across the tile floor and nervously sat down and stared at the head. His fathers eyes used to be blue, but now they were grey and bloodshot around the edges. His black hair was a greasy mess and scattered with blood spatter and bits of skull fragments from the gunshot. His skin was pale and his teeth a deep yellow. The eyes looked around the room and then focused on Salem,

“Where is everyone?”
Salem was nervous, “Uumm…They’re not here. I think Claire is out jogging…or fucking J.”
“Why do you let my daughter hang with that scum you call your ‘friends’?”
“They are not scum…”

The head broke out in laughter and it wobbled a little on the table as it did, “THEY’RE NOT!!?? …let me ask you this then, son. Since you seem to be the brains of this operation!”

Salem shook his head, “No, Im not the brains of ZT. That’s Erik.”

“I was being sarcastic you fucking nimrod! Jesus Christ…You see why you were an embarrassment to me? Do you??”
Salem lowered his head and didn’t look back at his father.

“So, as I was saying…If they are your friends, then why is the big one keeping me away from you? …Why is he in your head, Salem?”

Salem looked confused, “What? What do you mean?”
“Hes pushing back who you are…Look at the last few weeks. They’ve been different haven’t they?”
Salem just shrugged, “I don’t know…I guess? Everything’s been more normal.”

“Nooooo….” His father said softly. “Think about it, when the big one isn’t around, things aren’t so normal, are they?”

Shep seemed to think this over and his father had a point. When Jaymz was around he felt better than ever, his mind was clearer than it had ever been before. But as soon as Jaymz left he felt the voices rise from the darkest corners of his mind.

The kitchen was silent for a moment before the head spoke again, “You have to kill the big one.”
“JAYMZ!?” Shep shouted, “Are you fuckin serious!? Dude has like, …powers…or something.”
“He only has the power to remove you…You kill him – before he kills you.”
There was anger on Shep’s painted face, “Why would he want to kill me?”

“God. Damn. Son, ...If I had fuckin arms I would slap the shit out of your stupid fuckin head.”
“Fuck off!"

“DON’T YOU FUCKIN TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!!” The head almost seemed to bounce on the table as it screamed, “Look around you Shep. Why is the big one following you around? The one you call Jaymz. I’ll tell you why. …Because you’re being replaced.”

“No!! Im not being replaced!!”

The head smiled, “Ok smart guy. Tell me this..They bring in you and Kira. They cut Kira loose. They bring in that douchebag Archer guy, ..and yes, he is a douchebag, …For what? To replace you the same way they replaced Kira, that’s why…”

Shep seemed to think this over and the voices inside his head discussed this as well. Maybe his father was on to something, maybe his old man was right and these guys only brought in Archer to replace him. His mind started to spin out of control and he felt himself becoming paranoid. He had the urge to get up and run, run away from here and hide before the ZT guys came back to finish the job.

“I see you’re thinking this over son, but you better make up your mind quickly...” The head laughed softly as Shep heard the front door open. He jumped out of the chair and ran over to the sink and grabbed the knife. He stood with his back to the entryway of the kitchen. He knew it was Jaymz, he could feel his presence in the house – and he was going to kill him.

*******

Jaymz snubbed the end of the cigarette into the pot of plants that were on Sheps front porch as he exhaled the last drag and walked in the front door. His long black coat hung down to his heels and he almost looked like a standing shadow as he walked through the entryway and down the hall toward the kitchen. He balled his fists as he walked into the kitchen and Salem sprung. Jaymz saw the bright shine of the blade coming at him but he never so much as flinched. As the blade came into contact with his midsection it twisted, bent and dipped down hitting his stomach with the flat side. Shep could hear his fathers head cheering him on from the kitchen table. Jaymz grabbed Salem by the arm, pulled him close and hammered him with a head butt. Salem stumbled back, dropping the knife and putting his hand over his head. Jaymz took one massive step and wrapped his hand around Shep neck and hoisted him high in the air – looking deep into his eyes.

Salem saw the evil…he saw the carnage in the eyes of the big man as he tried to pull free from Jaymz grasp – but it wasn’t happening. Jaymz twisted to his left and launched Salem across the kitchen, slamming into the table where the pumpkin sat. Jaymz moved with a quickness and put his big boot on Salems neck before he could get up off the floor. From down here, Jaymz seemed to be over twenty feet tall and he instantly regretted trying to kill him. He saw something in Jaymz eyes, something black like fluid seemed to swirl in…..and everything was calm. The voices went away. The paranoia went away. He looked at his fathers head on the table, and he could see the disapproval in its eyes as it slowly started to change from a head and into a pumpkin. His mind was clear again. Jaymz removed his foot off the schizo’s neck and grumbled, “Get up..”

Salem winced in pain as he got up from the floor and held his left side just below the ribs where he had slammed into the table. He looked at Jaymz with that hard stare on his face, a stare that made your soul shiver.

“If you ever….try that again…There will be nothing left of you. I will make sure of that.”
Salem wasn’t sure what to say, “I uh…Have, …have you been in my head!?”

“Yes. I’ve helped you. But you have to learn to control this on your own. I leave you here for two fuckin hours and you start talking to a pumpkin thinking its you’re dead pops…”

Salem looked at the table instantly and saw the pumpkin…not his father. He was slightly embarrassed over it, but he knew Jaymz wasn’t here for any of that conversation and he quickly realized that, yes, Jaymz had been in his head. He knew what Salem was up to when he was close.

“Im not going to kill you Salem. You are not being replaced. Im going to help you control this, ..but not now. Im leaving tonight and I’ll be back in a few days.”

Salem only stood there watching the big man, and he could FEEL it…Yes!! He could FEEL the giant inside his brain, pushing away the voices, clearing his mind. He pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and walked out the back door. Salem stood there in the kitchen not sure what to do or what to say. Jaymz had strolled out of here like nothing had happened. And even though his mind was clear, he was more confused than ever

******

“Come on in!!!” Came the voice from the other side of the cracked door. “I hear you out there, camera guy, come on…Welcome to my thinking spot!!”

It was Salems voice coming from the otherside of the door in his hallway - the bathroom. The cameraman hesitated for a moment, not sure whether he wanted to go in there or not. We moved closer to the door and the camera guy pushed the door open…And there was Salem! He looked over and smiled, his milky white contacts giving his face an odd look. But no matter what his face looked like, the whole situation was odd because he was sitting on the toilet with his shorts around his ankles. His black shirt came down over the top of his legs, hiding everything that nobody wanted to see.

“Quit being a bitch and get in here!!! I haven’t dropped a load …yet…so it don’t stink.”

We moved a little father into the bathroom, a little closer to Salem.

“Good, good! Im glad you’re here!! You probably wonder why Im sitting on the toilet….Well, if you are…you’re dumber than fuck because Im gonna take a shit!! Why else would I be sitting on the fucking toilet!? I just figured this was probably the best place for me to discuss what’s going down this week….This week, we have a HUGE fucking match at the Helloween Pay-Per-View. Do you know what P.P.V stands for? Its stands for Pantheons Pusey Vaginas. Simple as that. Why are they vaginas? We’ll get to that later. Not only are they vaginas, but they are also a bunch of cowards and crybabies…They also hide behind one of their own and try to let one man lead the way….Is that a team? Is that how a team works?

Is that why Joey Flash has never been in a successful stable that managed to stay together for years and destroy one federation after another? There are a lot of differences between Zero Tolerance and the Pantaloons. One is, we’ve been around forever….Not me personally, but ZT as a whole. Zero Tolerance has always been successful no matter the year, the fed or the lineup of wrestlers…Zero Tolerance has managed to stay on top and build isn’t empire while other stables have come and gone the last thirteen years. I watched wrestling when I was a kid and I saw Crazy J, Erik Black and Jaymz rise to the top and show the world that nothing can bring Zero Tolerance down.

I watched as new members joined, I watched as they moved from one place to another asserting their dominance bringing bitches to their knees. It was always a dream of mine to wrestle with these guys and be a part of the best stable to ever grace professional wrestling. And well, here I am!! I have some pretty big shoes to fill when guys like Erik Black and Jaymz walked away from the ring and took more office-type jobs within ZT, …and I haven’t let those guys down – and Im not about to fucking start. I can’t say that we were too thrilled about being in this match, and this is where the BeechKrue grabs their dicks, twist each other’s pasties on their nips, and starts saying “I TOLD YOU THEM FUCK BOYS WAS SKRRRRRED OF US! HAR – HAR –HAR!!! FAGGOTS!! HERR-HERR-HERR!!!! …….yeah…..they, like, really talk like that. It’s dumb….

Shep grunted, a fart exploded in the toilet bowl followed by a wet “plop!” He laughed and then looked between his legs at the toilet water.

Yup…Theres one piece of shit. It kinda curls over at one end….looks like a six, so we’ll call this one Jared Holmes. He’ll be the first one in and he can manage the rest of the shit from this point….This retard was like, “YEAH!!! Flash won War!!! Im his manager fuck boy!!!! ..oh, you’re his manager? Well that’s cute!!!...keep riding that dick, homie!! So now you can be the manager for the afternoon!!! Trust me; I have Wade Moor turds to go!! I know this guy thinks he’s like the leader or the main business guy at Pantaloons, but in the end, you’ve already admitted that you’re Flash’s bitch!!! It was incredibly sweet of you to open a rehab center in my sisters name, but what kind of a junkie opens a rehab center? You’re over there taking benzos while face fuckin Lilith…..eeeeewwww….If you have to resort to Lilith – that just tells me your standards are pretty low or bitches just don’t want to fuck you because you have a small dick, and Lilith will take whatever she can get!! And how many times are yall gonna feed Lilith drugs…I mean, didn’t Logan force feed her meth one time? Hhhmm…You’re just following his old gameplan I see…..Nothing original to see here!!!!

Anyway – as I was saying before I got distracted…No, it’s not that were scared of yall, that’s not why we didn’t want to be in the match…I fear no man…..Ok, well, except for Jaymz. Only cause I don’t think he’s all human – but that’s another story!! The point is – no we didn’t want to be in this match because we don’t work well with others. We’ve tried working with others, Seth has put us on teams with outsiders when we got here – and on one occasion we had to beat our teammates ass because he fucking sucks and would have cost us the match. ZT doesn’t play well with others because we can’t trust any of yall. Because nobody else shares the same goals, beliefs and desires that we do. I know, and my boys know, that the four of us could come out here and win this fuckin match with ANYONES help!!!

And on top of that, nobody wants to be on a fucking team with Damian Kaine, the WCF’s resident midget. We might just tie that bastard up backstage and fight this match a man short – and we have a better chance of winning the match this way. Sorry, Kaine…but I don’t like ya. I’ve never liked you, and the only person in the Brotherhood that can stand up to the Pantaloons is Bishop. No, I don’t like that guy either..but at least I can respect what he does in the ring and what he brings to the WCF. If Bishop was in this match with Kaine, he could have had the surprise of the year!!! He could have walked to the ring and BAAAMMM!!! That beard of his parts open!!!!!! And little ol Damian Kaine could burst out like a child from a hairy vagina!!!

…Now, I don’t know what that has to do with anything, I just like the mental image of little Kaine popping out of Bishops chin vagina. Anyway, …I know why this scrub was added to the team. It’s an effort to make sure we lose…It’s an effort to make sure that the Pantaloons win this match so they can get any title shot they want. If Im wrong…which Im not…then Seth would have let the REAL talent around here pick Team ZT….Yes, team ZT. Let’s not get it fucking confused, this match is “Team ZT and some other people.” Around here in my thinking corner, we don’t call this Team WCF…That’s what we could have called the group of Teddy Blaze, Obi, Cap Condom, Lilith, Dion, Kaine. ..Could you imagine a team like that? Jesus fuck, that squad would have no fucking chance in hell at winning this match!!!

It would have provided the lowest ratings of any Helloween Pay-per-view that the WCF has EVER SEEN!!!!!! But, luckily, ZT is here to save the day!!!! Let’s just move Kaine to the side for a moment and look at the rest of the lineup, ...because I loooooooovvveee looking at a part of this lineup. My baby Sara Twilight is gonna be on our side!!!!

IM SOO EXCITED!!!!!!!!

We FINALLY get to be together on the same team, so it’s gonna be a lot easier for me to cop a feel of that sweet ass standing next to her outside the ring. I know she still in denial of the feelings that she has for me, but one day she gonna come around and see that she can’t contain her love for me anymore. And shit, Im hoping it’ll be this week!!! Now this bitch….oh um, this sexy lady…She a fucking legend around here, unlike…

Shep grunted again, tendons stood out on his neck and another wet “plop” splashed into the toilet. He looked down again with a dissatisfied look.

That one is kinda puny, a little thin and doesn’t look very healthy. We’ll call that little fella: Zmac!! Cause tweakers don’t look very healthy – and he aint on the same legendary status as my honey Twilight. Oh look!!! The Zmac turd fell right to the bottom of the bowl…just fuckin sunk straight down!!! What a shitty place to be, kinda like his record against Zero motha fuckin Tolerance!!!!! Don’t worry Zmac turd, the Holmes turd can manage your ass from here. Jesus Christ, how many times did Zmac have to step in the ring against us before he got a win??? Bitch can’t do it on his own consistently – so he has to hide behind these guys. The day they stepped in the door he was like, “oh please pick me!!! PLEAASSSEEE!!!! I KEEP LOSING TO ZT!!!!”

You wanna know how dumb Zmac is…this dumb fuck doesn’t even know whats on the line for this match!!!!!!!! But that’s common with this group of homos. ZMeth seems to think that if we win, we get Title shots of our shots……oh Jesus Christ… Look around you ZMeth, because Zero Tolerance…ALL OF US…already have Titles. Here, let me explain this to you so maybe even a worthless crackhead like yourself will understand. If your group of buddies win, you get ANY title shot you desire. If we win, well, we get the satisfaction of watching yall run away – like several of yall have done before. And when we win, that means your little group of buddies doesn’t get a title shot for a good minute. …Do you understand this now, ZMeth? Did I clear that little stipulation up for you? Fuck, you don’t even know what this match is about and what’s on the line, and you expect to win!? Shit, bitch pleeeassseee!!!!!

Anyway, I got distracted by that piece of shit. I was talking about Team ZT and the Other People. ..so as I was saying, I don’t mind having Twilight on our team!! No, we don’t agree on much of anything and I hope she aint mad that I pinned her at War, but if she liked it I can pin her in my bed after the match!!! I do know that Twilight doesn’t like these guys anymore than I do, …but because she doesn’t want to slip between the sheets with me, how do I know that we can trust her? She trying to build a wall between us!!! Yeah, I know this style of match, I know we get to eliminate them one by one…It leaves you in there by yourself so I know when she steps in, she aint gonna bring it for ZT. She aint bringing it for the Brotherhood – she doing it for herself. Fine bitch is a fuckin WCF legend!!! I can tolerate her on team ZT, ..yup…I sure can!

But I still have that doubt, she gonna turn on me!? …When Jaymz was gone I was thinking….What if this bitching brings a needle with heroin in it, and she come up all sexy and touchin me, ….then stick me with it!?!? I won’t feel it cause all the blood gone be rushin to my DICK!!! Then Im gonna fight like shit, look like TomOHawk out there and get destroyed. So she better not try that. Could you imagine if Zmac got a hold of that needle though!?! Oh shit, dawg, It would be like

HEROIN SUPER POWERS ACTIVATE!!!!!!!!!!!

…after that I could say, “were all fucked now!!” but he would just go to sleep after five minutes, so it really wouldn’t be anything to worry about now that I think about it. …..ooh waiitt…..

Shep closed his eyes and focused. Farted a popping noise - the ones that sound like they hurt. Followed by another splash. He looked down

Well, son of a bitch!! Look at that!!!! Fuck I ate that shit for lunch yesterday…yeah, I’ve been holding this in for a while, …otherside this promo don’t work… ANYWAY!!!! You know how I can tell this was yesterday’s lunch!? Cause I had corn!!! Natures greatest food marker!!! But listen to this….I went to this little hole in the wall Mexican place the other day…And I tried to eat light cause Erik got me on this weird health diet…So I ate some veggies and chicken and shit…But it had corn in it. Ive never eaten Mexican food with corn in it! …..I think you guys know who THIS turd is, right!?

Shep reached between his legs, into the bowl and pulled the corn filled turd out of the toilet. He held it up and the water ran down his arm and dripped from his elbow. …landing on his exposed legs. “OH FUCK MAN!!” The camera guy screamed….Shep frowned. He put back in the toilet with a look of disappointment. He wiped his hands on his shirt.

…I just wanted to show everyone… Jesus dude, ….You’re not supposed to talk.. I think someone’s gonna get in trouble!!!!!!! Now shut the fuck up and let me finish….This here turd is the Dirty Sanchez. Or is it David Sanchez? Hes Mexican…whatever!!! I know Sanchez is gonna cry, “Im not a Mexican!!!” SHUT UP BITCH!!!! Your name is Sanchez – that means you’re Mexican. And I dont wanna hear you argue and tell me how not true that is, because if I paint my face and that makes me a juggalo - then being Sanchez makes you a Mexican. A dirty, meth selling illegal Mexican. Get back to your taco truck you fuckin loser. We can both play this fucking game, right?....Speaking of games, the only win Pantaloons gonna get over ZT is on the WCF video game....Cause in real life? Shit aint gonna happen.

Im still trying to talk about Team ZT and Other People, but I keep getting interrupted by these turds.... All Im doing is trying to educate the masses on Team ZT!!! I am SHAPING THE MIIIIINDS of Americas youth. Listen people, don’t put your kids in front of the PS4, Xbox or Pantaloons promos.....No, no, NO!!! Put them right here in front of the TV for a Salem Shepard promo and they... will... LEARN!!!! From a very fundamentally sound, sane human being I might add. Anyway, back to Team ZT and Other People!!! The last guy goes by the name of Eric Price, and if you ask me...that’s a little too close Jayson Price.. And again, I have to wonder - can we trust this guy? Is he related to Jayson Price? Can we trust him to not fuck us over while one of us is in the ring, just so he can get his opportunity to take out some Pantaloons shit? He says we can.

But people say a lot of things that aren’t true.... People keep telling us, "Hes a nice guy - you all should be glad that he’s on your team." Well, were not nice guys and we don’t mix well with nice guys!! I don’t give a fuck if he feeds hobos on a street corner, or if hes an asshole and punts babies like footballs!! I don’t care!! All I care about is that he don’t try and fuck us over and he goes in and takes care of his business. I have watched some of Price's old matches and the guy is a fuckin beast in the ring....I have no concerns about Price when it’s his turn to step into the ring with the Pantaloons, that mother fucker can hold his own - fuck, he might be better than my baby Twilight!!! Hes just another legend that’s been added to Team ZT and Other People, and after I watched those matches, ..I decided he might be one of the best guys on the entire WCF roster, so in a way I AM glad he’s on our team. If he was to pick up the win, I would be a little disappointed that it’s not me or one of my brothers; but it’s still a win over the Pantaloons. ...oh fuck.....hold on...

Shep grunted, farted a long one and two splashes hit the toilet water, one right after another. Shep looked down between his legs and into the toilet bowl.

Would ya look at that!? Two turds!!! I got two for the Price of one!!! Or, well, two for the push of one. ....I think we'll call this one: the Jayson Price turd. And actually it’s very fitting, not because we have two Prices in this match...Only one of them is a piece of shit!! That’s Jayson, not Eric. It’s fitting because he calls himself Mr. Every Title. …Which might be the dumbest nickname of all time because it’s obvious that he didn’t think that name through. So we have two Price turds here, one will be Mr. Every Title and the other will be Mr. Lost Every Title. How the fuck you gonna brag about winning every title when YOU LOST EVERY ONE OF THEM!!!!!! Mr. Every Title! Hahaha, give me a fuckin break!!!! Let me tell you something Mr. Lost Every Title....It’s not about winning a title.

ANY little bitch can lucky and win a title for various reasons, but its takes a REAL Champion to hold that Title...Like Crazy J, he has his sights set on being the longest running Hardcore Champs in the history of the WCF. I don’t give a fuck how many titles you won - because a real Champion defends his title successfully. that’s the hard part about being a Champion because you have to bring your best every fucking week....Cause it don’t matter who the opponent is, that guy is gonna bring is A-Game because he wants to be a Title holder....And um, last I checked, Mr. Lost Every Title doesn’t hold any of the records for longest run as Champion. So, congrats, you don’t know what it takes to be a real Champion. Every Title you've won, you lost.

That just tells me you can’t focus weekly, that you take people lightly, because you've never been the best Champion for ANY of those belts. So congrats again for really accomplishing very little!!! I would rather hold one title for a record amount of time than give it up like a cheap whore the next week......like you, you fuckin worthless retard. You don’t even have a fucking title at this point so right now you're: Mr. No Title. And sadly for you, that’s the way it’s going to be for a loooong time....Cause you fools aint getting any Titles shots for a good minute after Team ZT and Other People win this match. Mr. Every Title, ...Mr. Lost Every Title, ...Mr. No Title

.....and coming soon to a wrestling ring near you....

Mr. No Title Shots!!!!!!

Fuck, look, I got distracted again. I want to talk about Team ZT and Other People but I keep on getting side tracked. Kaine, Price and Twilight....Yeah, Im sure I sound like a paranoid schizophrenic wondering if all these guys, an gal, are going to turn on us.....But uuhh, being paranoid is what I do best besides wrestle. Ya know, I guess I gotta give them the benefit of a doubt. I know two of these guys can hold their own in the ring, and we'll just have to pray that Kaine isn’t the last man standing in our match or we are supremely FUCKED!!!! We will stand besides these people, even though I personally only like one of them, and we'll fight for the same cause - the same purpose.

ZT will fight for ZT, Kaine will fight for the Brotherhood, my honey Twilight and this Price guy will fight for the WCF...Or, they'll fight for their own personal gain...whatever!!! It doesn’t matter to me as long as they bring their best, and that’s not something Im really worried about. Look at how far Zero Tolerance has come, the WCF NEEDS us!!! They fucking NEED us!!! Now, three months ago you all talked a whooooole lot of shit and didn’t bother to give us the time of day. And look at you now….People that we don’t even fuckin know, people that used to wrestle here, people who made an impact here came back and ALLLLLL YALL ran like a bunch of little bitches!! “Oh GOD!!! Help us!!! Baehc Ckruue is back, save us!! Save us!!!!”

And we sat around like, “oh?” Because this aint gonna be the first, nor the last stable that Zero Tolerance is gonna bring to the ground. And these guys, they talk all big, they walk like they the fuckin shit…They try to intimidate people, …bully people….And I see some of this shit on the internet while I sit back and chill. They think they funny. They think they original. They think they the best thing to ever step foot into a wrestling ring. These bunch of fuckwads, they act like nobody here can beat them. They think they shit don’t stink….I know mine sure as hell does!!! But ya know what? When shit gets tough, turns out, these big tough guys tuck they tail and they ruuuuuuun away. Yup, they ran away…but they came back!!!!!

They came back because they thought the roster was soft enough for them to come in and dominate….What kind of weak fucking shit is THAT!? Crazy J did just the fucking opposite coming from our last place to this one. I wasn’t there, but J was, and he moved up a class of competition here….Did he get here and run from it? Fuck no!!! Because that’s not what ZT does!!! We could lose forty matches in a row and we gonna get right back up and do it all over again!!! There aint no running away! ZT walks away…but we only walk away after a federation is destroyed and the doors are forced to close. We don’t leave and let things survive – we only leave when there’s nothing left.

Shep paused and again let one rip!! Sheps neck turned red, and if we could see his face under the paint – it was probably red as well. He clinched his fists, his body trembled and finally the loudest splash of the day hit the toilet. Shep damn near jumped up off the seat!

WOAH!! Got a little water on my ass!! …That shit always sucks, don’t it? That one didn’t want to come out!! It was that big fat piece of shit. You know, the one that’s bigger than your butthole could possibly be – yet it manages to escape somehow anyway? Yeah, that’s the one…..The Wade Moor. You know they have to make fun of this guy, right? He has to be the brunt of all their jokes because every group has the guy who’s the brunt of all the jokes….usually it’s the big, ugly, fat one. For us, that’s Jaymz. Hes just big and ugly, not a sloppy fucking loser like Wade Moor. He look like Bishops retarded big brother but he wants us to believe that he’s Poseidon. Well, he is taking up the most room in my toilet bowl, and he’s also the only one floating in the water. This is great!!!

Holmes gets to manage this bowl of shit, and Moore gets complete control of the Toilet water being Poseidon and all. …You gonna make us a water tornado down there, Mr. Poseidon Turd? ……Ahh…I bet it won’t. I consider you waaaaay lower on the Pantaloons totem pole than most these guys and I already know you’re one of the groups weak links…..When you have to call yourself Poseidon to try and make people believe that you’re some powerful amazing wrestler; hoping that they have mental images of Poseidon and associate you with it – it really means you fight more like Dory than Poseidon. So you are now Dory…not Poseidon. Oh and I know, yall say it all the time…Im a juggalo.

Well, Dory, this Insane Clown Fish is about to fuck you up!! Now how embarrassing would that be to lose to me? Oh Jesus Christ, you would have to go back to Flash and get scolded like the little bitch that you are!! ..Or are you gonna step out from Flash’s shadow at some point in time? Are you gonna get out of Prices shadow anytime soon? Ooohh, poor little Dory, he gets the stinky end of the shit stick in the Pantyloons. The difference between Zero Tolerance and this group of losers is that we don’t hide behind anyone. We don’t take orders from anyone….now you might say that you are all your own men; but it appears to me that yall will do whatever Flash wants, and whatever it takes to make him happy. But what is in it for you guys?

You guys jumped all over his dick when he won War like you worship the very ground that he walks on…Holmes was the worst. Talkin about “Yeah FUCK BOY!!! IM THE MANAGER!!!!”” Wow!!!! Fuckin Walmart has managers too!!! Fuck, I even have a secretary and I don’t have a real fuckin job!!! What the fuck does he manage of Flash’s?? Can he tell Flash’s sperm count by a few swishes around the cheeks and then spitting!? How many times a day you suck him off, Holmes!? SIX??? God!!! ….Yall run around like Flash is the greatest fucking thing in the world but yall doing nothing except living in his shadow – and that shows me what a weak bunch of bitches you truly are!

Zero Tolerance and the Pantaloons have virtually nothing in common. We don’t live beneath each other, we don’t watch one of our own have success and be the face of our brand and be happy with it. We don’t have to be led. We have a set of rules that we go by in Zero Tolerance – but even that’s a small list. We do whatever the fuck we feel like it, we take our own paths to success in wrestling…We don’t blindly follow “the grand prize” around and prop him up on a pedestal and treat him like a fucking God. We are equals and Zero Tolerance has ALWAYS been equals – and that’s why Zero Tolerance is the greatest stable in the history of professional wrestling.

Zero Tolerance was around before the WCF, Zero Tolerance was around before the Beech Cru…We’ve never fallen apart, we’ve never split up, never had turmoil with our group and DAMN SURE never walked away from a challenge. You fuckin retards don’t know the wrestling history of Zero Tolerance, and you obviously don’t know the GWA was the greatest federation in the world before the WCF came along and stole its ratings away. Zero Tolerance has been in both the greatest federations to ever open its doors. I wasn’t in the GWA, I watched that shit from my living room…but Crazy J, Cash, Erik Black and Jaymz were there. There’s a lot of similarities to the GWA when ZT came in compared to the WCF when ZT came in a few months ago. We’ve told yall, this is ZT 2.0 and were here to treat the WCF the way the OG ZT guys dominated the GWA.

And no disrespect to my boys, but Jaymz was the one who took home the GWA Global Title…And did Erik Black, J or Cash suck his dick and put him up as the face of Zero Tolerance? Hell no!!!! Those guys showed they were just as strong as Jaymz in the ring and won their own respective Titles…They didn’t hide in his fucking shadow as the Global Champion, they all went out on their own path and created success.. It’s kinda like a family tree, in a way. The members of ZT stand on their own and accomplish things on their own. They branch off in their own ways but all under the tree of Zero Tolerance. It’s one of those big trees with lots of lines that keep spreading.

….Now, the Pantaloon family tree is like one of those you would see in Arkansas. It starts out lookin good at the top, but all the lines eventually connect back to each other. And that’s because they all follow their “chosen one!!” In the end, they all come back to the same path…Not the path that they make for themselves, but the path someone else made FOR them. ….HOLD UP!! HOLD UP!!!!!

Shep tightened, then released a wet sound with a few little splashes that sounded like a water hitting water. He looked down between his legs, and this time even he was disgusted.

….eeewwww…..

Shep looked at the camera, then back down in the toilet bowl one more time and shook his head in disgust.

Ok..wow….That was a wet one! It was one of those watery shits; the kind that leaves the foam and bubbled at the top of water. Its like, …foaming…Like Johnny Rabies. Or is it Johnny Rabid? Oh hell, who fuckin cares!!!! When you’re rabid, you foam…like the water shit I just had, the Johnny Rabid turd….I really can’t even call this one a turd because it didn’t have much consistency. And if you were to look in my toilet right now, you wouldn’t find anything sexy – which, Rabid thinks he is. …But, they all kinda think that way don’t they? They all kinda remind me of the douchebags that fill the South Texas beaches on spring break. Those fuckin cock-sprinkles are everywhere!!

I’ve tried to figure out what role this guy plays in the Pantaloons…. I’ve looked long and hard …kinda like my dick….and I just don’t see what this loser brings to the table. They have guys in their group that fight better than him, they have guys in their group with more business sense than him….Hes about on Wade Moor’s level, somewhere near the bottom of the Pantaloons dildo totem pole. Hes kinda like the Kira of ZT, and we all know how fucking worthless that mother fucker was!!! Rabid is the Kira of the Pantaloons. …Im sure that hurts his little feelings to hear that, but now he can drip tears from his eye to match the foam from his mouth. How did this guy get rabies anyway??? Did he fuck a dog that Obi forgot to kill a while back? Cause we know Obi likes to kill dogs….Or maybe JonJon fucked the dead dog….Is it ok if I call you JonJon, Johnny?

It’s like a little kid’s name, but yall like to name call and just assume things about people…so we’ll roll with it!!! Now, Im still concerned about how he got rabies and why this bastard is allowed to fight if he’s picked up this disease….is it a disease, right? Im not really sure what rabies actually are; I just know you get them from fuckin old gross critters. Gloves might be in order for this match, and I cut myself carving that pumpkin so I need to make sure that wound is properly wrapped up before I get rabies too. This is REALLY concerning me!! Is this how they win their matches!? They get people sidetracked by their rabid dog and get a surprise pin!? Oh wait, …wait, wait….Im getting a text.

Shep bent over on the toilet and reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone. A disappointed look spread across his painted face. “Ok, So Erik Black just texted me and it says: Johnny doesn’t really have rabies, it’s just his last name. Stop being stupid and focus.”

Stop being stupid!? Well…fuck…this changes everything!! Because now, what set JonJon apart from the rest of his crew, what made him different, now makes him just THE SAME as the rest of them. Look at this fuckin guy, he walks around here talking like an educated mother fucker but still doesn’t give ZT a chance. Talks about us being a lifeless parade of weirdos or something , and it’s THE SAME fuckin disrespect that the rest of his crew gives us. Its more Group-Think, it’s the same shit I hear from the rest of the fucktards in his group….There’s nothing that sets you apart from the rest of them JonJon. You just blend right in with the rest of em, but people like you and Fat Moor just bring up the rear – because you two are the two most worthless of the bunch.

No, JonJon isn’t the ultimate weak link like Moor is – but you damn close mother fucker!!! There’s Pantaloon members in this match that concern me, but it damn sure aint YOU! You know what’s REALLY funny!! If you watch a JonJon Rabies promo, you see Corey Black talking like he’s a real sophisticated mother fucker, but that dumb bastard cant form a sentence on his own…But every time I see a JonJon promo with Corey, he sounds like he been in Cliff of Dooms classes learning how to say something more than “salty, fuckboys and faggot.” I bet Holmes has to script parts of those promos for Corey cause theres no fuckin way he talks like that in real life.

Ive seen the shit that sad fuck posts on the internet, but when he gets to be in a Johnny Rabies promo, sonofabitch looks like the worlds smartest man!! Do you write those parts for him, JonJon? Or does Holmes do that? Cause I think Holmes might be the smartest bastard in the WHOLE group, and I’ve seen the stupid that drip from his mouth, …that or it’s a million little Flash babies trickling down his chin….So he aint even THAT smart!! Tell me, JonJon, what sets you apart from the rest of the circle jerk know as Pantheon….yes, that’s right, I said Pantheon for the first time today. But it’s not as fun as calling you all Pantaloons. Anyway, JonJon, what makes you different from the rest of the people that hide behind Flash? NOTHING!!!

You all are one in the same; there’s not a damn thing about yall that makes you unique. And again, that’s another massive change in culture from who we are at ZT. Were all different people with different attitudes, we came from different ways of life, were each our own people. Yeah, sure, Crazy J and I paint out faces and we *look* a lot alike, …but if yall have been paying attention, there’s nothing else about us that’s the same. J, well, obviously he’s crazy. He has his own set of issues, he does things his own way….Fuck, we don’t even like the same kind of music!! We don’t like the same kind of girls, I smoke weed and he doesn’t. J set out to accomplish his own things and I do the same. We don’t just hold hands and march along to the same beat like you fuckin losers.

There’s something about us four ZT guys that sets us apart because we don’t try to be like one another. Were all different and the only thing we have in common is we love to wrestle and we want to see ZT on top of the world. But we all go about this in our own ways, …something you guys don’t know anything about. You guys let one thought, one decision, one voice lead you and tell yall what to do. Holmes, from what I gather, thinks he kinda leads this group….But its obvious from the day they stepped back into the WCF that they were ALLLLLLL over Flash’s nuts and hyping him up like a white, wrestling Lebron James.

I have to ask, since you all have the Group-Think mentality and are easily led by others….When we take this match, and when we pin Flash for the win….Are you guys gonna run away again? Kinda like yall did when Logan beat your white Lebron James? Yeah, I’ve done a little research and I know why yall left the first time and why you’re back now. And, well, it wasn’t a surprise to see yall disappear in a Flash…It’s like when you take a dick pic and you send it to the wrong person and you wish you could crawl up in a roll and die….or just run away… That’s kinda what yall did. Fuckin Logan made a fool out of Flash ..aaannnndd…you left! Well, Holmes didn’t….Turns out he had a big match with the Champ, who they assumed was going to be their Golden Boy, but instead it was against Logan…and what did Holmes do, well, the same thing the rest of them did…

He left.

Tucked his little dick between his legs and walked away…Im sure that was at the order of the great white Lebron James. They saw someone who could stand up to them, and instead of taking a few bumps and bruises and getting back up, ..they left. What kind of coward shit is THAT!? Did they think they were gonna win every fuckin match they were in!? That they could NEVER lose!? Fuck, …probably!! But see, ZT aint like that…Even before I came along I’ve seen ZT fall in matches, but did they leave? Hell no!!! They got back up, brushed that shit off and went right back after it. I wasn’t able to wrestle a few weeks ago when my brothers went up against Pantaloons and it didn’t turn out in our favor.

But did J, Cash and Archer go cry about it!? Fuck no!! They got back up and got ready for this match!! But this aint gonna be like it was the last time around, because there was a puzzle piece missing from the match…ZT didn’t have all of its parts that makes us the strongest…I wasn’t in that match. Could I have won that match? Maybe….maybe not…But I do know, and my boys will tell you the same, were a whole helluva lot stronger when all our pieces are together….And that’s what yall get this week. You all came back thinking ZT was going to be an easy pushover – but we never have been. See, we can handle adversity because we’ve all had ups and downs in our lives and we know how to push through them…But you guys?

Naw, you guys pack your bags and leave when shit gets tough. That just tells me that yall aint as powerful as you think you are, and it shows me that mentally, yall are softer than TomOHawk. Yall ran from the big, bad Logan. …but I don’t hear yall talking about that. I don’t hear yall talking about the ass whoopin Bates put on some of yall either!!! The way you guys talk, yall were here and reigned supreme, the best thing that ever happened to the WCF!! But Bates pinned Flash, Logan pinned Flash…and all the sudden, you guys didn’t look so strong anymore. Or well, the groups of people that yall associated yourselves with at the time – they didn’t look very strong anymore.

So the Pantaloons are just another reincarnation or former groups that FAILED!!!!! Zmac and Flash couldn’t hang in the Trios tourney with Bates…So they had to team up with others to form a Super Group, because you cowardly bitches actually BELIEVE the strength in numbers thing!!! Safety in numbers…the scared bitches way. ZT has never been a big group, and I would have to ask my elders like Jaymz and Erik Black, but I don’t think ZT has ever exceeded five members. You don’t need eight guys, or ten guys, …you just have to work well as a unit. You have to know each person like they your fuckin blood brother. You have to know EVERY FUCKING THING about that person to be successful….

You have to embrace the losses that you take and use those to make you stronger, …not just as an individual, but as a team. And that’s where you fucks fall short. You guys move from one group to the next, trying to find the most talented people that you can. Trying to build the most athletic roster that you can.. Well, ask the Golden State Warriors how that turned out for them the other night. Its bout about numbers, it’s not about the caliber of athletes…Yet, even after all your failures, none of you seem to recognize that. I know you like to hide those failures, yall like to pretend that Bates and Logan didn’t make yall their bitches…but it happened.

And you guys just walked in here, not having a fuckin clue what was waiting for you on the other end. This aint the old WCF, this aint the same place yall wrestled in the last time yall were here….This is our ring now. A force that’s been around for over a decade, ending careers and closing fed doors….But yall don’t know what that’s like because you move from one group to the next, …still trying to assemble something as strong as ZT. But that won’t EVER happen…because not a single fucking one of you knows how to work as a unit. When one of you falls, you ALL walk away. You ALL do as you’re told. They say history repeats itself, and if that’s true…We won’t be seeing you guys around much longer.

Yall will be having flashbacks to Logan, …about Bates. …About all the failed groups that Flash and others have been in. All the failed stables, all the lost matches….All of it will come rushing back when you see me, or one of my ZT brothers, standing over the last piece of Pantaloon shit in the ring at Helloween. Zero Tolerance has ushered in a new era of the WCF and guys like Flash, Holmes…whoever…You’re a part of the old guard. Just a piece of history that’s written in text, old matches that people watch on youtube. None of you mean a damn thing to the WCF in this age of Zero Tolerance…and were gonna run yall out of here, just like Logan did. Were gonna wipe our ass with yall, and get rid of the shit.

Salem pulled several sheets of paper of the roll, wiped his ass and flushed the shit down the toilet.

WWAAIIITT!!!!! Before I go….It is Halloween tomorrow!! And I would like to give a little Trick-or-Treating advice to all kids out there. KIDS!!! Be careful!!! Sometimes, assholes will give you drugs in your bag instead of candy. Now, if you do find drugs….You don’t really want to tell your parents…Why, you ask? Because if you tell them you have drugs in your bag, they are going to take ALL your fuckin candy!! Every single fuckin piece of it….Then what do you have!? Nothing!!! So don’t be a dumbass and give the drugs to your parents…Take that shit to school and sell it!!! This way, now you have a little cash in your pocket to go along with all your candy! Ok!? Im Salem Shepard, and that’s my advice….NOW GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY THINKIN CORNER!!!!!