Post by "The Real Deal" Jason O'Neal on Oct 23, 2016 14:28:03 GMT -5
:: Back in Hawaii again… shit there is only so many beautiful Hawaiian Island women a person can have squealing before it gets old. The weather is good and all, but man a change of scenery would be nice. Therefore, let’s pretend this is a Johnny Evil promo.
The cartoon music is playing. The wacky costumes are out… let’s say circus. There is a clown named Mr. Evil Pants or some shit like that. Of course there are homosexual jokes because… shit its Johnny Evil, his art is a reflection of his deepest darkest secrets.
There is some masked character who perpetrates to be his opponent or opponents. Some hot chick handing him the bottle of seltzer to spray in his opponents face and poof, instant ratings for some dumbf*cks who get a kick out of that amateur bullshit.
Just when you are about to turn off the dial, you remember this isn’t that lifeless stack of horse manure on the screen and this is actually a Jason O’Neal promo. You’re Welcome. There’s a bit of reality. With actual people and not scripted events in slapstick style. There is substances and no rambling on about the supposed intentions of a man who laid me the hell out. Yes, that’s right ladies and gentlemen… no gimmicks, no clowns, no doctors… a little sex, drugs, money, and reality.
So the last reference to Johnny Evil, in this introductionary piece, where do we find our hero today? It’s a cartoon reference, Phoenix…you dumbass… get it… Evil likes cartoons… as evidenced by Dorkwing and Scooby Doo… Never mind Phoenix, you are too dumb to understand it, everyone else enjoy. Of course the hero is Jason O’Neal… the only male worth watching in this shithole of an organization.
We find the future Alpha Champion or atleast his location as the camera pans around a panoramic view of the beautiful Hawaiian blue waters. The camera is held steady on the deck of a diving boat. The WcF logo in the lower right hand corner has the fans hoping to The Sensation.
A mechanical sound is audible as and the camera pans to show a wench has just kicked into action. As the cable attached to the wench reels in a cage at the rear in of the boat begins to raise partly out of the water. Two people climb out of the cage.
First out of the cage, a hot young female. As she disrobes from her wet suit, her tight body decreases the supply of lotion and Kleenex at the local Walgreens. Happy and Healthy ladies and gentlemen. Don’t have to explain that one to Phoenix. According to Kai’yah he understands masturbation really well.
Anyway… the broad shoulders of the second person is definitely the reason we are all here, Mr. Jason O’Neal himself. His chiseled physique is the reason divorce rates have just gone up around the country. Women now know there is much better out there. I’m speaking to you Cliff McManus. Little dialogue maybe?...
HOT CHICK: Thank you, Jason!! (She throws her arms around him) I’ve never done that before.
:: A grissly old SCUBA Instructor comes from another part of the boat…
SCUBA INSTRUCTOR: Ma’am I don’t think anyone has ever done that before.
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Come on, Bob. You mean to tell me, no one has ever paid you to f*ck around that many sharks.
BOB THE SCUBA INSTRUCTOR: That and release all the chum at one time to create a feeding frenzy?
HOT CHICK: 0o0o0o and that one stroke when the sharks hit the cage.
BOB THE SCUBA INSTRUCTOR: Ma’am I would appreciate it if you kept that stuff…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL (interrupting): I paid you 10,000 dollars to let her have the right to say anything she wants.
BOB THE SCUBA INSTRUCTOR: But the cameras… PG13?
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: If Johnny Evil can put his homosexual fantasies on the screen, I can have one chick talk about the best lay of her life.
HOT CHICK: Damn right!!
:: She tries to hold his hand and Jason looks at her disgustedly…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: We ain’t getting married or anything. Shit… I just met you like three hours ago. Probably won’t see you again.
:: Best three hours of her damned life. Another floozy falling in love. Lonely at the top of the pimp game…
HOT CHICK: I know… it was just so special… so…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL & BOB THE SCUBA INSTRUCTOR: Sensational.
HOT CHICK: You mean…
BOB THE SCUBA INSTRUCTOR: Nope not the first, or the last. He’s been here for three weeks. What do you expect?
HOT CHICK: I expect you to take me home now.
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: It’s a thirty minute ride back to shore, you wanna go another round in the cabin?
HOT CHICK: Hell yeah…
:: As the bubblebutt makes her way to the cabin Jason smacks the right side of the exposed backside. God bless thong bikinis. PG13 it is as Jason closes the door behind them and the camera fades to black after catching more post card images in the frame…
BOB THE SCUBA INSTRUCTOR: I’ve seen a lot of guys with beautiful women, but man you have got to tell me how you do it…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Just be me…
BOB THE SCUBA INSTRUCTOR: She was pissed... and still laid you…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Just doing what I do.
BOB THE SCUBA INSTRUCTOR: You think it’s smart to do that stuff before a match? Last time you did it you lost to Johnny Evil in that Battle Royale.
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Yeah the easiest one ever… (he chuckles) you know the guy still hasn’t forgotten that bullshit. Guy has no life.
BOB THE SCUBA INSTRUCTOR: You did lay him out in the ring last week…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Yeah and just like that chick… he can’t get that lay out of his head either.
BOB THE SCUBA INSTRUCTOR: What time tomorrow…?
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Might hit you up early… I asked for a change of scenery and we are going to balls cold Minnesota next week for Helloween.
BOB THE SCUBA INSTRUCTOR: It’s always a pleasure when you visit Jason.
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Oh and I left my bag on your boat. 2 Ki’s of the best Jamaican.
BOB THE SCUBA INSTRUCTOR: Thanks…
:: Where would a Jason O’Neal promo be without some gratuitous sex references? Oh yeah… lame like a CJ Phoenix promo or amateur like a Johnny Evil promo. Either way, lack luster. We find Jason O’Neal next inside the Stan Sheriff Center, four hours before the card. This time CJ Phoenix’s locker room name tag has been superimposed with a Jason O’Neal name tag. A complete take over. Inside Jason O’Neal is playing on CJ Phoenix’s gaming system. Madden 2017. He pauses it to talk some shit…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Hey CJ, I figured since we are teaming this week… You wouldn’t mind me using your locker room again. Don’t worry I took that stupid name-plate off and added a better one. Much like I will do with the Alpha Title. You got lucky hombre… you get to team with me. Shit you coulda teamed with Johnny Evil and became his homosexual character in a movie of his fantasies or something like Kidd Krazzy. You coulda teamed up with Kidd Krazzy and got demolished by the simple fact the Kidd can’t wrestle his way out of a wet paper bag. Yet, you are lucky enough to team with me. Trust me… I know you are a chump… I talked to all your boys out in Baton Rouge. They don’t respect you for shit. All I can say is… don’t get in my way… CJ and keep that dancing princess far from me.
:: Jason chuckles and eats a bite of one of the bananas that the WcF management left for Phoenix…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Senior Krazzy… you realized that you living with your grandparents made you the weakest person on the roster. Congrats, you killed them off. A bit of cyanide helps everyone sleep better doesn’t Kidd. You wouldn’t be the first person to kill someone for their career. Shit, Johnny Evil kills people every day with boredom. He claims to have a career.
I say to you, Mr. Krazzy, let the old farts die, collect the inheritance, sell the house, and move on to bigger and badder things. There are these things called girls out there with these magical holes that make you feel amazing when you put your pee-pee in them. Go out and get you one of them.
I get it… I am a horrible person, but I bet if you get laid… on my advice… you will probably think I am the best person you ever met. Besides the Tranny you just f*cked.
In all seriousness Kidd…I like the new direction. You killing your grandparents for your career…whether the cops find it or not is pure genius. The darkness and rage that is coming out of you might develop into something that can give even the best a run for their money. However, right now… in this day-and-age, you just are lagging behind and won’t catch-up to anyone in the gauntlet match. You showed up when no one else didn’t. It does not make you good… it makes you… well… opportunistic. Good job you sorry sack of shit. Keep progressing. You still have no shot, but keep progressing…
:: Jason smirks and takes a sip of CJ Phoenix’s Gatorade…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Two things Evil… If I’m not worth the time and or I am not good enough for Johnny Evil to focus his attention on… why did I make up over 50 percent of his promo and over ten minutes of hot, ozone depleting air coming out of his head? AND secondly… that many newsflashes in one broadcast is kinda redundant and just simply stupid. One newsflash at the end would have sufficed, but I counted three… some of that was old shit and not news anyway. I lost… definitely not news… many people saw you win… dumbass gimmicks and all. The second one… well I simply don’t understand the whole special education reference there… can I phone a friend… Cliff of Doom? Special Ed reference…? And the third… I’m not worth it… I’m not… but apparently you think I am. Thanks.
Johnny Boy… Johnny Boy… you clearly have no idea what the f*ck you are doing or how to counter. My promo last week called you out for your bullshit and cartoonish antics. I told you straight up that your shit was below any level of anything worth watching and the best you can come up with is basically, “I know you are, but what am I?”
For the second time… please at Helloween give me something more than gimmicks. Give me a real life story of Johnny Evil. Shit at least Kidd Krazzy…the chump that he is… brings in his real life… Unless… your life is some fantasy driven bullshit drama. In that case… it is you… not I that needs to be institutionalized.
As for last week… why did I do it? Johnny… it had nothing to do with courage. You think it is courage to walk in with a Chihuahua and Labordoodle as your tag partners against three pit bulls. It doesn’t matter that I was the best in the ring, shit three on one and half ain’t gunna cut it, son. Johnny it had nothing to do with pride or with courage. I got one goal and that goal is January 30th when I cash in that Alpha Title against the World Champion and catapult myself into greatness.
Whoever gave you your shrink degree… you might want to go get your money back, Evil. No I’m not talking about your childish representations of myself and Circle Jerk Phoenix… I’m talking about you trying to predict my next line. You thinking that I am proud of losing to you in the Battle Royale… really…? Who the f*ck would be happy with being in second place? I lost to you once… I guess I lost because of you last week… and I can guarantee that is the last time I lose because of you or to you… unless my partner decides to team with you guys to weaken the strongest in the match at Helloween.
Three on one… I sincerely can see that happening. I’m sitting in his locker room and I left you and the other f*ck laying in the ring. Better take advantage of it while it is there. Because I can assure all of you that come Helloween when the battle lines are drawn and the enemy is clear. I’ll be the Alpha Champion.
Johnny… you are a reincarnation of me in the amateur leagues… obscure little segments where I used to get a cheap laugh with no substance. Aside from the homosexual lines that pop up in every one of your promos, we had a lot in common. However, I have since found a source of substance and have not given in to the stupid antics. Please… I beg of you… do the same? Who are you…Mr. Evil… Remove the mask dumbf*ck it might make you more entertaining.
Oh and Newsflash… Seth Lerch has a company to run… into the ground in most cases with his drunken rampages, but he has very little time to have a personal vendetta against you. He makes the matches for money not for any pee-on like you to screw you over. You recylcle the same lines and the same gimmicks… Seth is worried about Pantheon and Brotherhood… not Johnny “Can’t Tell His Dick from His Ass” Evil and Johnny “I Have Nothing but Lame Staged Gimmicks that I’ve used Over and Over” Evil. Those two guys… by the way they are you Johnny… are not who Seth is trying to take down. You do a good enough job of that without him.
:: The camera fades out as Jason O’Neal pans resumes his Madden 2017 game in CJ Phoenix’s… I mean… Jason O’Neal’s locker room…
The cartoon music is playing. The wacky costumes are out… let’s say circus. There is a clown named Mr. Evil Pants or some shit like that. Of course there are homosexual jokes because… shit its Johnny Evil, his art is a reflection of his deepest darkest secrets.
There is some masked character who perpetrates to be his opponent or opponents. Some hot chick handing him the bottle of seltzer to spray in his opponents face and poof, instant ratings for some dumbf*cks who get a kick out of that amateur bullshit.
Just when you are about to turn off the dial, you remember this isn’t that lifeless stack of horse manure on the screen and this is actually a Jason O’Neal promo. You’re Welcome. There’s a bit of reality. With actual people and not scripted events in slapstick style. There is substances and no rambling on about the supposed intentions of a man who laid me the hell out. Yes, that’s right ladies and gentlemen… no gimmicks, no clowns, no doctors… a little sex, drugs, money, and reality.
So the last reference to Johnny Evil, in this introductionary piece, where do we find our hero today? It’s a cartoon reference, Phoenix…you dumbass… get it… Evil likes cartoons… as evidenced by Dorkwing and Scooby Doo… Never mind Phoenix, you are too dumb to understand it, everyone else enjoy. Of course the hero is Jason O’Neal… the only male worth watching in this shithole of an organization.
We find the future Alpha Champion or atleast his location as the camera pans around a panoramic view of the beautiful Hawaiian blue waters. The camera is held steady on the deck of a diving boat. The WcF logo in the lower right hand corner has the fans hoping to The Sensation.
A mechanical sound is audible as and the camera pans to show a wench has just kicked into action. As the cable attached to the wench reels in a cage at the rear in of the boat begins to raise partly out of the water. Two people climb out of the cage.
First out of the cage, a hot young female. As she disrobes from her wet suit, her tight body decreases the supply of lotion and Kleenex at the local Walgreens. Happy and Healthy ladies and gentlemen. Don’t have to explain that one to Phoenix. According to Kai’yah he understands masturbation really well.
Anyway… the broad shoulders of the second person is definitely the reason we are all here, Mr. Jason O’Neal himself. His chiseled physique is the reason divorce rates have just gone up around the country. Women now know there is much better out there. I’m speaking to you Cliff McManus. Little dialogue maybe?...
HOT CHICK: Thank you, Jason!! (She throws her arms around him) I’ve never done that before.
:: A grissly old SCUBA Instructor comes from another part of the boat…
SCUBA INSTRUCTOR: Ma’am I don’t think anyone has ever done that before.
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Come on, Bob. You mean to tell me, no one has ever paid you to f*ck around that many sharks.
BOB THE SCUBA INSTRUCTOR: That and release all the chum at one time to create a feeding frenzy?
HOT CHICK: 0o0o0o and that one stroke when the sharks hit the cage.
BOB THE SCUBA INSTRUCTOR: Ma’am I would appreciate it if you kept that stuff…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL (interrupting): I paid you 10,000 dollars to let her have the right to say anything she wants.
BOB THE SCUBA INSTRUCTOR: But the cameras… PG13?
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: If Johnny Evil can put his homosexual fantasies on the screen, I can have one chick talk about the best lay of her life.
HOT CHICK: Damn right!!
:: She tries to hold his hand and Jason looks at her disgustedly…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: We ain’t getting married or anything. Shit… I just met you like three hours ago. Probably won’t see you again.
:: Best three hours of her damned life. Another floozy falling in love. Lonely at the top of the pimp game…
HOT CHICK: I know… it was just so special… so…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL & BOB THE SCUBA INSTRUCTOR: Sensational.
HOT CHICK: You mean…
BOB THE SCUBA INSTRUCTOR: Nope not the first, or the last. He’s been here for three weeks. What do you expect?
HOT CHICK: I expect you to take me home now.
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: It’s a thirty minute ride back to shore, you wanna go another round in the cabin?
HOT CHICK: Hell yeah…
:: As the bubblebutt makes her way to the cabin Jason smacks the right side of the exposed backside. God bless thong bikinis. PG13 it is as Jason closes the door behind them and the camera fades to black after catching more post card images in the frame…
--------------------------
:: Sometime thirty minutes to an hour after the previous encounter. Jason is paying Bob for his services…BOB THE SCUBA INSTRUCTOR: I’ve seen a lot of guys with beautiful women, but man you have got to tell me how you do it…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Just be me…
BOB THE SCUBA INSTRUCTOR: She was pissed... and still laid you…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Just doing what I do.
BOB THE SCUBA INSTRUCTOR: You think it’s smart to do that stuff before a match? Last time you did it you lost to Johnny Evil in that Battle Royale.
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Yeah the easiest one ever… (he chuckles) you know the guy still hasn’t forgotten that bullshit. Guy has no life.
BOB THE SCUBA INSTRUCTOR: You did lay him out in the ring last week…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Yeah and just like that chick… he can’t get that lay out of his head either.
BOB THE SCUBA INSTRUCTOR: What time tomorrow…?
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Might hit you up early… I asked for a change of scenery and we are going to balls cold Minnesota next week for Helloween.
BOB THE SCUBA INSTRUCTOR: It’s always a pleasure when you visit Jason.
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Oh and I left my bag on your boat. 2 Ki’s of the best Jamaican.
BOB THE SCUBA INSTRUCTOR: Thanks…
---------------------
:: Where would a Jason O’Neal promo be without some gratuitous sex references? Oh yeah… lame like a CJ Phoenix promo or amateur like a Johnny Evil promo. Either way, lack luster. We find Jason O’Neal next inside the Stan Sheriff Center, four hours before the card. This time CJ Phoenix’s locker room name tag has been superimposed with a Jason O’Neal name tag. A complete take over. Inside Jason O’Neal is playing on CJ Phoenix’s gaming system. Madden 2017. He pauses it to talk some shit…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Hey CJ, I figured since we are teaming this week… You wouldn’t mind me using your locker room again. Don’t worry I took that stupid name-plate off and added a better one. Much like I will do with the Alpha Title. You got lucky hombre… you get to team with me. Shit you coulda teamed with Johnny Evil and became his homosexual character in a movie of his fantasies or something like Kidd Krazzy. You coulda teamed up with Kidd Krazzy and got demolished by the simple fact the Kidd can’t wrestle his way out of a wet paper bag. Yet, you are lucky enough to team with me. Trust me… I know you are a chump… I talked to all your boys out in Baton Rouge. They don’t respect you for shit. All I can say is… don’t get in my way… CJ and keep that dancing princess far from me.
:: Jason chuckles and eats a bite of one of the bananas that the WcF management left for Phoenix…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Senior Krazzy… you realized that you living with your grandparents made you the weakest person on the roster. Congrats, you killed them off. A bit of cyanide helps everyone sleep better doesn’t Kidd. You wouldn’t be the first person to kill someone for their career. Shit, Johnny Evil kills people every day with boredom. He claims to have a career.
I say to you, Mr. Krazzy, let the old farts die, collect the inheritance, sell the house, and move on to bigger and badder things. There are these things called girls out there with these magical holes that make you feel amazing when you put your pee-pee in them. Go out and get you one of them.
I get it… I am a horrible person, but I bet if you get laid… on my advice… you will probably think I am the best person you ever met. Besides the Tranny you just f*cked.
In all seriousness Kidd…I like the new direction. You killing your grandparents for your career…whether the cops find it or not is pure genius. The darkness and rage that is coming out of you might develop into something that can give even the best a run for their money. However, right now… in this day-and-age, you just are lagging behind and won’t catch-up to anyone in the gauntlet match. You showed up when no one else didn’t. It does not make you good… it makes you… well… opportunistic. Good job you sorry sack of shit. Keep progressing. You still have no shot, but keep progressing…
:: Jason smirks and takes a sip of CJ Phoenix’s Gatorade…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Two things Evil… If I’m not worth the time and or I am not good enough for Johnny Evil to focus his attention on… why did I make up over 50 percent of his promo and over ten minutes of hot, ozone depleting air coming out of his head? AND secondly… that many newsflashes in one broadcast is kinda redundant and just simply stupid. One newsflash at the end would have sufficed, but I counted three… some of that was old shit and not news anyway. I lost… definitely not news… many people saw you win… dumbass gimmicks and all. The second one… well I simply don’t understand the whole special education reference there… can I phone a friend… Cliff of Doom? Special Ed reference…? And the third… I’m not worth it… I’m not… but apparently you think I am. Thanks.
Johnny Boy… Johnny Boy… you clearly have no idea what the f*ck you are doing or how to counter. My promo last week called you out for your bullshit and cartoonish antics. I told you straight up that your shit was below any level of anything worth watching and the best you can come up with is basically, “I know you are, but what am I?”
For the second time… please at Helloween give me something more than gimmicks. Give me a real life story of Johnny Evil. Shit at least Kidd Krazzy…the chump that he is… brings in his real life… Unless… your life is some fantasy driven bullshit drama. In that case… it is you… not I that needs to be institutionalized.
As for last week… why did I do it? Johnny… it had nothing to do with courage. You think it is courage to walk in with a Chihuahua and Labordoodle as your tag partners against three pit bulls. It doesn’t matter that I was the best in the ring, shit three on one and half ain’t gunna cut it, son. Johnny it had nothing to do with pride or with courage. I got one goal and that goal is January 30th when I cash in that Alpha Title against the World Champion and catapult myself into greatness.
Whoever gave you your shrink degree… you might want to go get your money back, Evil. No I’m not talking about your childish representations of myself and Circle Jerk Phoenix… I’m talking about you trying to predict my next line. You thinking that I am proud of losing to you in the Battle Royale… really…? Who the f*ck would be happy with being in second place? I lost to you once… I guess I lost because of you last week… and I can guarantee that is the last time I lose because of you or to you… unless my partner decides to team with you guys to weaken the strongest in the match at Helloween.
Three on one… I sincerely can see that happening. I’m sitting in his locker room and I left you and the other f*ck laying in the ring. Better take advantage of it while it is there. Because I can assure all of you that come Helloween when the battle lines are drawn and the enemy is clear. I’ll be the Alpha Champion.
Johnny… you are a reincarnation of me in the amateur leagues… obscure little segments where I used to get a cheap laugh with no substance. Aside from the homosexual lines that pop up in every one of your promos, we had a lot in common. However, I have since found a source of substance and have not given in to the stupid antics. Please… I beg of you… do the same? Who are you…Mr. Evil… Remove the mask dumbf*ck it might make you more entertaining.
Oh and Newsflash… Seth Lerch has a company to run… into the ground in most cases with his drunken rampages, but he has very little time to have a personal vendetta against you. He makes the matches for money not for any pee-on like you to screw you over. You recylcle the same lines and the same gimmicks… Seth is worried about Pantheon and Brotherhood… not Johnny “Can’t Tell His Dick from His Ass” Evil and Johnny “I Have Nothing but Lame Staged Gimmicks that I’ve used Over and Over” Evil. Those two guys… by the way they are you Johnny… are not who Seth is trying to take down. You do a good enough job of that without him.
:: The camera fades out as Jason O’Neal pans resumes his Madden 2017 game in CJ Phoenix’s… I mean… Jason O’Neal’s locker room…
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:: The camera fades in on the set of a psychiatrist office a potted plant sits in the corner. Jason O’Neal sits in a lab coat with a patient with a Johnny Evil mask on… just kidding…NOT A JOHNNY EVIL PROMO…Fade to black…
