Post by Deleted on Oct 12, 2016 16:04:29 GMT -5
Currency loses value when it leaves his wallet
He does not need to moisturize
Co-Captain of Team WCF. #MAKETHEDUBGREATFORONCE
One third of the WCF Trios Champions
He is
THE MAGNIFICENT BASTARD ADRIAN ARCHER
ZTTV PRESENTS: "A Real Bastard" A reality show featuring the real life adventures of one Adrian Archer. You'll laugh, you'll cry..You'll BEHOLD THE BASTARD!
Scene: ZT Tower, Detroit Michigan
Specifically, the press room on the first floor
Its been a stressful time for the Magnificent One. The bombshell dropped on Sunday weighed on his mind. He went from 4th member of Zero Tolerance to Captain of a team that was set to face The Pantheon. Add to that his daily duties of Head Media Manager of Zero Tolerance. He envied Cash, Shepard, and J..Now they had someone to do the dirty work for them with the media, someone who took all of the flack and cleaned up the trails of blood and guts left in their wake. Today was the first instance of Adrian doing the job that he was paid so well to do. In this case, Cash had allegedly beaten a man to death with an automobile muffler in Mississippi. When the Parish police arrived, they found no reason to charge Cash with murder. The official statement from the police claimed self defense combined with robbery gone wrong. But one reporter, a snoopy busy body from out of state, started investigating the matter. In her investigation, she found that Cash, on behalf of ZT, had donated consistently to the police department of his home Parish. Connecting the dots, she wrote a story entitled "Mississippi Mud" showcasing her findings on the matter and trying to correlate the death of a young man to police corruption perpetuated and funded by Zero Tolerance Inc. Adrian hated the media..Sick parasitic people, destroying lives to enrich theirs and make the world a worse place. But this was his job, and Erik Black was there to support Adrian. Both men were dressed in fine suits for the occasion. They spoke back stage, the din of an ever growing number of reporters getting louder.
Black: Adrian, you realize the situation. This reporter has caused a shit storm, and we need to head it off before it gets any larger.
Adrian: No sweat! They won't know whether to scratch their watches or wind their asses by the time I am done with them.
Black: They better..if this thing goes viral, I don't care what the others say, you will no longer be a member of Zero Tolerance..I don't care how good a wrestler you are..You were hired for business acumen. Go kill this.
And with that somewhat frightening vote of confidence, Adrian flashed his most brilliant smile as he approached the podium. The questions started immediately and all melted into a din of annoying voices. Adrian politely signaled for order.
Adrian: GOOD AFTERNOON LADIES AND GEN..Lad...Don't MAKE ME GET JAYMZ..
Silence..The reporters who covered this beat knew Jaymz.
Adrian: Thank you! Good morning and welcome to the third quarter progress briefing for ZT Inc.
Male reporter: WHAT ABOUT CASH?
Cunt: ARE YOU GOING TO DENY THAT JASON CASH BEAT A POOR BLACK MAN TO DEATH WITH A MUFFLER?
Adrian didnt catch that. The guy was black. FUCK. Even better...Adrian had a plan though. He signaled towards the back of the room. The lights went out and projected above Archer on a large screen was a picture of Cash with his wife and children. The three are smiling, the picture of familial bliss.
Archer: BEHOLD..The consummate family man! Yes Jason Cash is an animal in the ring..This is true. But he does so to support his family and his brothers in ZT. For this reporter to insinuate that this man, who represents The Heart of America
Cue American Flags dropping on either side, as members of an inner city gospel choir come in from either side and start humming The Battle Hymn of The Republic behind Adrians Speaking..
Should be prosecuted for defending himself and his ability to provide for this lovely young family! Ask yourself, why would a man who is proficient in all manner of wrestling use such a blunt tool as a muffler unless his life was truly in danger? And how dare the press for trying to make this racial! The color of the poor mans skin does not matter! The content of his character was what killed him! And how dare the media take this tragedy and just to sell a few more clicks, or a copy of their book, or in this particular slanderous leech's case, try to embezzle money out of the glorious ZT Empire, all promoting the ugliness of racism and perpetuating a negative stereotype on every Hillbilly Hero! The trucker, the steelworker..the blood of this great country..Under attack by a race baiting, terrible media! You should be ASHAMED!
The choir's sound begins to swell
Jason Cash is innocent, AND A HERO TO EVERYONE IN THIS GREAT COUNTRY!!!
Choir: HIS TRUTH ISSS MARRRCHHIIINNNGGGG ONNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!
The press applauds, too dumb to realize they have been insulted. Adrian and everyone involved leaves the stage. Backstage, he and Erik converse
Archer: How was that?
Black: A little corny, but it appears to have done the trick. No matter..The check sent to the family cleared, and the reporter..Lets just say its a shame she lost her balance.
Archer: MAGNIFICENT!
Scene: Bloomfield Hills Michigan
Specifically, the street now known as ZT Way.
Even more specifically, an empty lot filled with dirt, a blank canvas for the right artist
As we pan in drone style from high above newly renamed ZT Way, it appears business as usual this morning; Mr Cuddles is seen picking at the carcass of a freshly expired feline unlucky enough to stumble upon this neighborhood. Claire smokes a cigarette on Salem's porch, Lisa can be heard screaming for Crazy J to do something for her. And Jason Cash walks down the block towards the fourth member of Zero Tolerance, and his trios partner, Adrian Archer. Adrian stands in front of his new empty lot, arms folded, smiling that Magnificent Smile! Jason stands beside his brother in arms..Quite the unlikely pairing in appearance alone, Cash in his cowboy hat, ZT T-Shirt, Blue Wranglers, and boots while Archer wears a white button down t-shirt left out with blue jeans and LL Bean Moccasins. Arms folded, Archer stares at the open lot..Not noticing Cash has arrived at his side..
Cash: Hey AT...Whatchu lookin at..AT?
Archer turns to Cash as if shaken from a dream.
Archer: Cash my good fellow! First of all, fuck you. Second of all, BEHOLD..The next great Zero Tolerance venture!
Cash spits tobacco juice in response onto the dirt lot. Archer looks at him with disgust..
Archer: Easy on the chin sauce man! This..this lot holds so much potential..and you just spit on it?
Cash: Its a dirt lot AT..I know a thinger two bout buildin shit..But right now, it ain't nuthin but dirt and I don't want to spit on this sidewalk, what as its ours now..Guess them association fucks finally saw it our way after you got the old man booted out..
Archer: Ah yes..A necessary evil. Though I must thank Crazy J for being such a porn fiend that he would sneak in and use the guys computer. Made the whole process so much easier!
J: Thank me for what?
Crazy J has just arrived from his house..He wears a ZT Baseball jersey and black shorts. His hair is still green and twisted. He looks tired, even through the facepaint.
Cash: AT was just callin you a porn fiend..
Archer: Allow me to explain..
J: No..I have to face facts..Once an addict, always an addict..Something I am gonna have to live with..Forever..
Cash: Musta been hard what wit dat nekkid wrassler in da ring..
Archer: Oh I bet it was..HIYOOOO!
J: NO! Actually, Lisa made sure I was..Um..taken care of before the match..
Archer: What about after? During our Trios match I heard you took a burner into the bathroom..
J:...Don't judge me..I have a disease..
Claire is now onto cigarette 2, mating the lit one to a fresh one.
Archer: Looks like Claire is doing well..
J: Its hard dealing with my own addiction and keeping her on the right track..Especially with Salem in Houston on business..Hey! What do you mean Archer??!?!
Archer: Relax my friend! I have no interest whatsoever in Claire..Physically, emotionally..Just her well being. Because ZT is family. Claire is like a sister to me...Oh and I've never tried to google her naked..
Cash: Simmer down AT!
Archer: How is your sitch?
Cash: What u call me?
Archer: Nothing..I was asking about your situation.
Cash: Then why you gotta call me a name fer?
Archer shakes his head
Cash: Anyhow AT..I gotta stick round here till its time to go to Slam..Make sure nuthin happens..But you'll see Archer dat we here got ways to watch out fer each other. I'll be ready..
J: Better be..Time to go Crazy Core on these Pantythong Bitches.
Archer: My friend Tommy used Pantyhose the other day..
Cash: Why? That injun wearin a dress or somethin?
Archer: NO! He called Pantheon PantyHose!
Cash: Why he wearin it then? If it done sposed to be an insult..
Archer lowers his head and laughs a bit
Cash: Whats so funny? Yer injun friend da one wearin da hose..Unless..did he rob a bank?
J: Pantyhose works good for robberies. It distorts your overall features yet allows for breathability and full line of sight.
Archer: No..He didn't rob a bank..He just...Nevermind..
Cash: Haha! Cat gotcher tongue eh At? *Spitooey*
Archer: What did I say about spitting on my property?
Cash: Oh I'm sorry At..
Cash proceeds to spit on Archers shoe. Archer gives him a look that could melt steel, but Cash just laughs
Archer: You're lucky I like you Inbreed..
Cash: HA! Now you can't run a way no more cuz yer shoes got mah spit on em! I can track you using DNA..
Archer: Nor would I want to run, my nicotine addicted brother..We got a match to win this weekend against said Panty- put your own insult here-
Cash: What ah don't git, and kerrect me if Im wrong..but Seth brings back dees guys when we runnin thangs round here..What did we ever do to Seth?
J: I walked in on him playing with his action figures once..
Cash: Ah laughed when he told me how much we was gonna be paid..
Archer: I think I've been the most critical of him..But it doesen't matter. When the smoke clears..We are going to shock people, and it will be a precursor of things to come at Helloween, AMIRITE?
The other two guys go silent.
Archer: Guys...You WILL be at Helloween, right?
J: I gotta be honest man..I gotta think about some other battles right now..!
Archer: Cash..
Cash: Hoss, don't getcher panties in a twist bout this, t'ain't nuthin personal..Despite you bein AT and bein cocky and arroogant and..
Archer: Just get to the point!
Cash: Well, this ain't the way we work. Now we gone back you up..We will be there in case things go down..But we ain't gonna be in da match. You still ZT and always will be less you do somethin stupid..But we can't be in this mess for the match. We don't work well with others. You, you can..yer The Bastard! You can unite nations and shit. We are better at destruction. Thats why you handle the media, and we do what we do. But rest assured, we know da boss put you in a spot..We will be there case thangs get hairy..But we can't be in da match. Sorry AT..
Archer, for the briefest of moments, appears taken aback and unprepared. But that moment is fleeting, and Adrian is back to his normal Magnificent self.The Bastard has learned over the years not to lose his cool, and that there is Always a way!
Archer: Well now, if thats how it must be. Looks like I am going to have to make some more phone calls...
All of a sudden, a vehicle that looks like someone bedazzled a VW Bug pulls up to the curb in front of the three gentlemen and from the driver side springs Crispin Del Roy. Crispin Del Roy is a well known Hollywood designer and architect. His specialties were custom homes and extreme designs. Crispin is on the cutting edge of home design, and queer as a fruit bat. His wardrobe, a collection of pastels and skin, left barely anything to the imagination, not to mention that he had a slight weight problem. Slight being around the same level as Mama Cass Elliot. Dude was fat. Which underscores the reactions of the men..Archer embraces his acquaintance..Cash and J voice their greetings..
Cash: Whos this fruit bat?
J: Dude..anyone ever tell you that you are..
DelRoy: FABULOUS!!!?!?! OH I KNOW DAHHHLING! MY OH MY MAGNIFICENT ONE! LOOK AT THIS PROPERTY! GASSSSPPP ITS GORGEOUS!!!!!! When you first told me Michigan..I was like..EWWW..But then I came here and was like OHHHHH MY GOSHHHH...GASP...SO GORGEOUS! I CAN'T WAIT TO GET DOWN AND DIRTY!!!
Cash and J are not homophobic per se, but to intimate that Mr. Del Roy was not exactly their kind of guy was kind of like saying Rosie O'Donnell was not exactly Trumps kinda gal. But they politely stood in amusement while Del Roy waddled around the dirt lot, making exaggerated motions with his arms and proclaiming exactly what he would do with the property. Archer and Del Roy walk back to the sidewalk..
Del Roy: I'M GOING TO GET SOME SAMPLES FROM THE TRUNK...
Cash: Is that some kind of gay sex lingo?
J: I could never live in California..
Archer: Gentlemen, I understand he may be a bit FLASHY but I assure you..He is the best of the best! And he is going to turn this space into something MAGNIFICENT!
Cash: Whatever you say At..
Del Roy steps up onto the sidewalk with several pictures and color swatches..These represent different ideas based on Del Roys previous conversations with Archer..Del Roy produces the first layout, which is a two story home made mostly of glass. The wooden and glass structure resembles the Cullen's home in the Twilight movie series. Immediately, one can tell Archer is not exactly impressed..
DelRoy: I see this being an amazing accompaniment to your surroundings!
Archer: Del Roy my Boy, let me be frank. You see, I could never choose this design..And this is no knock on your or your design savvy sir. It just..reminds me too much of my opponent this weekend Jason Price..
You see, all of that glass there..Reminds me of Jayson Prices persona. Everyone, everywhere can see right into his personal business. He even markets himself as an unapologetic, non PC Pill popping sex fiend who went to rehab but then broke out because he was "fucking awesome". Right there, everyone can see how unstable this guy is. Not to mention he has had his brain smashed in so much that his head is 80 percent metal. That could account for most of his lunacy. Sure, the accolades speak for themselves; Former WCF Financial officer, which explains why Seth and the WCF couldn't finance Juicy Fruit right now. A former cruiserweight who has made his way into and succeded in the heavyweight divisions. A 2 time WCF World champion, 2 time US CHampion, Hardcore champ, TV Champ, A Grand Slam Double Champion! The list goes on and on! But like this glass house Jayson, I see right through you.
Adrian looks into the camera. J and Cash have some fun at the expense of Del Roy in the background playing keep away with one of his portfolios, tossing it over his head back and forth while the fat man jumps pathetically..
Archer: Your accomplishments are great, but just like the glass house that Mr. Del Roy has shown to me, I see right through you.
Your money ran out. You had no more money to stay clean or go hard. You were kicked out of rehab because you were deemed "impossible" and you ran out of money. Your debt is huge, your house has been foreclosed on. You can use the goodies and toys of some of the other Pantheon members during your promo to try and appear like you have wealth but, in the end, you are coming back for a paycheck. In fact, I have it on good knowledge your income is being garnished by at least 3 different sources including the IRS! Yes, the pill popping, sex addicted Jayson Price has hit rock bottom, and in further proof that scum take care of their own, here you are. Unfortunately, as great as your career has been, your return will be sad. Ali/Holmes, Hogan/Flair..so many more examples of legends who because they needed money, or because of foolish pride, decided to continue and ended up humiliating themselves in the process. Jayson Price, your story is sad, and when you get to Slam on Sunday, and the fans see what rehab and hard living has done to you, some may cheer. Mostly, they will shed a tear and remember what you used to be, and cry at what you have become.
Adrian turns around and grabs the portfolio in mid air, much to the profusely sweating Del Roy's relief.
Archer: Let us see what else you have in here, my dear Crispin..
Adrian sees the next page in the series of designs. Up next is a rustic, old style home, similar to the one that he just left in Pico Mundo. This home has the exterior similar to that of a home in the projects, meaning to look a little older and as though it would be in need of some repair, though it was brand spanking new. This was Crispin's more traditional side of design and what Crispin thought of when he thought of Michigan. Truth be told, Crispin was so impressed by Bloomfield Hills that he was going to scrap the design, but it was too late now. Adrian had seen it. Crispin looks over the design with Archer, Cash and J..
Cash: Well shit on a biscuit..That looks damn near like them homes in Detroit..You really pay this sumbitch to design this?
J: Yeah, I mean, I've been poor, but I've never stayed in a house like this..
Del Roy: ITS CALLED POST MODERN REGENERATED GENTRIFICATION ARCHITECTURE! Very popular in Harlem, Detroit, and other urban areas..Like I thought this would be..
Archer: Actually..This design reminds me of David Sanchez..A gritty, no nonsense, mean looking house. A house that looks like its seen its share of bullets and bad times. But its also not what it seems. David Sanchez was supposedly kicked out of MMA for working too stiffly. How does that work? If you are an MMA fighter, how could you be TOO stiff? Then you go into wrestling?
Adrian turns to the camera once more while Cash and J openly mock some more designs in the portfolio..Crispin can be heard sobbing, Cash, beer in hand from nowwhere, can be heard laughing his ass off.
Archer: That makes absolutely No sense! Why aren't you the baddest man on the planet? The reality is, you did not have what it takes. I enjoy wrestling because I get to show some of my theatric MAGNIFICENCE in the ring. MMA is boring to me. I'd rather watch paint dry. But those guys and gals are tough as nails! And David Sanchez was just not tough enough for the challenge.
To further lend credence to the notion that this fellow is not exactly what he claims to be, of course, David Sanchez is a politician. Yes, a former mayor of Chicago, the most crime ridden, chaotic, messed up place in this whole country! Some would say that is where he lost the sparkle in his eyes. Where he became dead inside, where he failed. He could have been a change agent for the better, but instead he became corrupt, and let the city fall into shit. So, he is not only a failed MMA fighter, but also a failed politician. Now, he has been very successful in the wrestling ring, but one has to wonder, with all of his supposed "wealth" why is he coming back? Oh, thats right, to teach us New Guys a lesson! Well David, I hate to be the one to inform you of this, but you will be the one who will be taught a lesson in arrogance and underestimation! And you will fall back into your comfort zone. Of failure.
Adrian turns to address the chaos behind him. Cash and J have moved on to talking to Claire on the sidewalk. Crispin is inconsolable. Adrian walks over.
Archer; Crispin! Why are you crying like a little school boy!
Crispin: HOW COULD SOMEONE AS MAGNIFICENT AS YOU..BE ASSOCIATED WITH SUCH...BULLIES!
Archer: BULLIES? NONSENSE! They are just showing their affection. If they didn't like you, they would have killed you by now!
Crispin: Well..Okay...I did have one more design in there..Your long haired masculine...manly...Ooo...friend over there spit tobacco juice on the rest of the portfolio..
Crispin holds up the stained papers to his face and offers a deep sniff. Archer raises one eyebrow, looking with part amusement, part disgust at Crispins indulgence. Jason Cash to him must have been like a shot of whisky to a nun..Against everything she stood for, but so damn good she can't resist after the first taste..Archer takes a look at the third layout..Now this..Is interesting..This was one of those small houses that have become so popular. The house would allow for the entire grounds, over an acre stretching back, to be extremely multi purpose. It had everything one needed in a compact, 350 sq foot area. Archer liked the idea of this "smart home" economically, but this was The Magnificent Bastard we are dealing with here! With unlimited resources, it would not be something for him.
Archer: Ah now see Crispin, this reminds me of Joey Flash. Joey Flash, unlike his two partners, has had recent success, winning War! He has only lost 5 times in his professional career! He's small, like this house, but he can do so much! It truly is correct that dynamite does come in small packages. But it still begs the question..Why come back? I mean, this guy is in another federation doing well. Then all of a sudden he and his buddies jump ship like rats on a burning boat! What does this mean? Well, I have a feeling I know. UCI is failing, and Flash, the unspoken leader of Cunteon, decided that he and his friends would come over here where they had dominated before, where they felt the pickins were slim, where they felt they could get over, because frankly, they were tired of beating each other up. They were looking for the easy way out. Now, granted, winning War is not easy. Did I win? No. Flash won. That took guts. Fact is, He and Black are the best Cunteon has. But going into this match, and going into Hellimination as a co-captain, I realize that I have become a symbol. In my short time here, I have become a symbol for the New Generation of WCF Superstar! Faster, stronger, more real, and less bullshit than previous groups.
Crispin stands there, listening, hoping he can leave today with a check.
Archer: So, in conclusion, my boys Cash and J, as well as myself, are facing a broke rehab reject, a neverwas lying shifty politician, and an asshole who thinks his shit don't stink and is looking for a safe landing pad within the hallowed grounds where he and his loser frat buddies used to rule.
Adrian addresses the always present camera one more time
Cunteon, I have obviously done my research on you. You have nothing but snarky comebacks and words that don't even make sense to come at me with. You have NOTHING. So you better make like FPV and pull out that old notepad fellas. The Magnificence will be in FULL EFFECT ON Sunday! You all think you are taking back WCF? Like a parasite that burrows back into a host once served, then healed, then better. Well, WCF has a fighting chance. Maybe before, when you knucklepucks ran the roost, you had weaklings to feed off of. Not anymore. We are ZERO TOLERANCE! And we will KICK YOUR ASS!!!!
Crispin: Oh so INSPIRING! Now, when can I..
Archer: About that...Listen I appreciate you coming out here on your own dime and all to make that pitch but..Frankly..You were never in the running..
Cash comes up to join the conversation while J makes sure Claire doesen't use..
Cash: Thats right! Think we'd ever let sweet tart like you put your fagstamp on everything? If we wanted that, we'd just have them Pantyboys over, they'd gay up the place real good..But nah, we make all decisions as a group and we made the decision that we needed the entertainment. Archer tole me bout you gay folks, but its like Bigfoot..need see myself fore I believe it. Now I saw you. Yep. You are as twinkly toed as that Joey Flash Ballerina. You were right At...Now get the fuck outta here fore Ah Make you leave!
Crispin: Ooooo...Ive been bad! MAKE ME MAKE ME!
Cash: GIT!!!!!!
Crispin "gits" with a startle..As he drives away, we hear Cash and Archer at the end of the scene
Archer: You know he likes you..I gave him your number...
Cashs phone rings...818 number..North Hollywood
Cash: DAMNIT AT YOU BASTARD!!!!!!
Archer laughs as Cash walks away silencing his phone. Scene Fades to Black.
Scene: Crazy J's Custom Cadillac, via dashcam turned towards Adrian
Adrian never envisioned this when he accepted a role in Zero Tolerance. He had just dropped Crazy J at home after what could only be described as an interesting failure. ZT is truly a family, and Adrian felt that, and liked that aspect. But being part of a family also means you see people at their worst, support them during lows. Clearly today was an example of that. All Adrian focused on was in ring and in office duties. Sure, Adrian expected some kind of bump in his wrestling career, but not being thrust into a Co Captain role for a team against Pantheon. Adrian's cell phone continues to ring, he doesn't hear it anymore. Almost every WCF Superstar not affiliated with Pantheon wanted in..Little did they know that the team was already set..And it was Magnificent!
Adrian also did not expect to be carting his mates around.Sitting alone in this ghettofied vehicle made Adrian think of when he played GTA. After long days at the office, his wife would make dinner and his girls would sit on his lap and cheer him on. Though he missed being a family man, there was nothing he could do, and he knew it. He tried not to think about it, but he knew with ZT's influence, there may be a solution in the works sooner than later.
He was snapped from his trance by a ringtone, "The Imperial March"..it was Erik Black. What could he possibly want now? Adrian answered his phone.
Archer: Yes Mr. Black?
Black: I just received a call from Dr. Feltznersnatch..Please tell me it did not happen as she described.
Archer: It most likely did..
Black: Adrian, as you learn more about us, you may come to rue the day you decided to sign on as our Fixxer.
Archer: I had an idea it would be gnarly. Honestly, J has a Magnificent Soul. That is why he is so tortured.
Black: Don't go philo on me Archer..Or I will forbid you from hanging around that Injun Tommy..
Archer: Tommy is good people. Nothing to worry about. I'm still a Bastard through and through. Now, what can I do for you?
Black: First of all, is J secure?
Adrian looks out the side window. J is reading the side of an Uno box on his front porch with a magnifying glass while Lisa looks on..
Lisa: SEE? I TOLD YOU! NOTHING IN THE RULES ABOUT GETTING NAKED!
J: What the...Wheres the other Box?
Back to Adrian in the car..
Archer: About as stable as he can be..
Black: Well, we have another situation. Cash is barricaded in an Aldi store across town.
Archer: WHAT???
Black: I just got a call from the authorities. He's holding a hostage. I got on the phone with him and he is convinced they are hiding Jayson Price..
Archer: Good lord he's drunk again. I'm on my way..
Through the power of editing we are transformed to quite a raucous scene. 6 police cars and a throng of onlookers surround an Aldi Grocery store.
Adrian parks the ZT Cadillac down the street and walks his way to the front line through a throng of onlookers. He sees media trucks pulling up already..This could get sticky real quick. He has to get in there, but how? The police have the place surrounded..Only one thing to do. Adrian makes his way to an unattended police car with the passenger door wide open. Inside is a vest that reads "HOSTAGE NEGOTIATOR" in yellow lettering on the back. After a quick look around, Adrian grabs the vest, and some other items; helmet, dark glasses, and a belt containing various weapons as well as a bullhorn. Adrian could not believe his luck. Just then..
Negotiator: HEY! WHAT DO YOU..
Adrian thinks quickly and grabs the man, Cliff of Doom style. He passes out in moments from the front facelock expertly applied by the Bastard. He would only have a few moments to work the ruse. Adrian, fully clad in gear, gets on the bullhorn.
Archer: PLEASE CLEAR THE AREA..GET THESE PEOPLE BACK!
Adrian walks up to the officer in charge
Archer: Hellow I'm Mrshgh warget..I understand we have a situation..I must get in there promptly..
Officer: Who in the..
Archer: Theres no time to waste! The sooner I get this worked out the better.
Adrian walks past the barricade, past the young lady who escaped the store, unharmed. She tells the story about a man looking for a price who was drunk. She keeps repeating he was harmless. Adrian walks into the store doing his best impression of a police officer, you know, crouching, moving slowly, but he points his bullhorn at the door instead of a weapon. Whoops. Nonetheless, he enters the store and spots Cash. Cash is sitting in the Hispanic food section..God, with racism being thrown around, why is this never called out? Anyway, Cash is on the floor, drunk as hell but no throwin up, sifting through various bags of dry beans..
Cash: I know you hidin him Sanchez! Where are you you low Price mother..AT?
Jason notices Adrian and stumbles backwards in surprise. He stands up as Adrian approaches
Archer: We need to get you out of here..
Cash: But I ain't done yet..
Archer: Cash, whether you realize it or not, you've caused an entire Aldi store to be surrounded by cops. This could lead to you not being able to wrestle at Slam. Now come on!
Adrian leads a stumbling Cash through to the rear employees exit..A black and white sits right there. They walk to the other end of the store. A restroom..Could there be..He looks in the mens..No window..But there is one in the ladies restroom. Just big enough to climb through. Adrian goes inside.
Cash: DAMNIT AT WHY YOU GOING INTO THE LADIES RESTROOM FER? Lookin fer Claire?
Archer: Damnit Cash you drunken hillbilly mother fucker! Black's gonna have my ass if I don't get you outta here!
Cash: Yeah I git that..But nows not the time to take a pee break..
Adrian opens the window above the sink..Theres the car. No cops in sight. Now to just squeeze this hillbilly through there..
Archer: Cash...get up on the sink and climb out the window.
Cash: WHY? Deres doors for that.
Adrian ignores Cash and removes all of his cop gear, leaving it in a stall. Through much coaxing, he gets Cash on top of the sink and starts pushing his ass through the window.
Cash: Damnit AT! I tole yer buddy Crispie and I tole you..I ain't dat way! Git yer hands off my..OOF
Cash his the pavement with a thud. Adrian squeezes through the narrow window. The coast is clear. The two make a run for the car and creep out of sight. Once inside the car, Adrian makes sure to turn slowly and drive carefully. In his rear view, he sees the SWAT team enter the store with a flashbang grenade, and cannot help but laugh..
Copyright 2016: ZTTV
A Subsidiary of ZT Inc.
