Post by heresjohnny on Oct 9, 2016 16:49:34 GMT -5
Evil: “Hi, I’m Johnny Evil and this is a public service announcement to tell the rest of the world that I’m set to make my debut at Slam!”
All of a sudden, a man in a hood walks into the camera view. Johnny eyes him down in a weird and confused expression as if to state… ‘who in the fuck is this guy’?
A moment later, the unknown person leans his head back ever so slightly and pulls the hood from his head, eyeing Johnny Evil back in the same exact expression. To everyone’s surprise the man under the hood is… well, another Johnny Evil. Eyeing the first Johnny Evil down they both begin to squint their eyes and examine one another. It’s almost as if looking in the mirror at this moment.
The Johnny Evil that has just pulled the hood from his head gives off an arrogant ass smirk and then directs his attention to the camera, clearing his throat before he begins to speak…
Evil: “No… I’m Johnny Evil and this is a public service announcement to tell the rest of the world that I’M set to make my debut at Slam!”
The first Johnny Evil shakes his head in disbelief making an obvious statement that it’s not uncommon seeing people that want to be exactly like him. Cutting in front of the now de-hooded impostor and blocking him from the camera view he addresses everyone watching the WCF broadcast.
Evil: “Dude, trust me… you are not Johnny Evil. Don’t listen to this ass-hat WCF Nation and all of my Evil Minions. He clearly has bumped his head and just wants some attention.”
The impostor steps to the side of Johnny Evil, exposing his face to the camera once more and begins shaking his head back and forth. Johnny looks to the side of him eyeing the impostor down as the impostor continues to shake his head frantically at the camera. It’s at this point the first Johnny Evil notices something and grips the neck area of the impostors hoodie, causing the impostor to begin trying to pull himself away as he begins ranting.
Evil: “Hey… what are you doing. STOP THAT! No, don’t do…”
Johnny grips the hair of the imposter with his free hand and pulls upward, the result is him pulling the Johnny Evil mask from his face. Underneath this mask is what appears to be Jason O Neal. Johnny continues to hold the man by his hoodie while he tries to tussle Johnny’s grip away from him. Johnny drops the what is now discovered to be a Johnny Evil mask to the ground and then backhands the imposter in the face. Still maintaining his grip Johnny looks back at the camera.
Evil: “It’s Jason O Neal everybody! Jason, as much as you wish you could be me in this cluster fuck of a match because I’m going win… sadly you can’t be Johnny Evil! I won the biggest loser In High School (correct you are), and I’m going to win this match, that’s about two more things than you ever won… ever!!”
Johnny then out of curiosity takes a second look at Jason O Neal to discover something else. Letting off a bit of a chuckle as if to state ‘this is fucking sad’, Evil continues talking…[/b]
Evil: “... But wait… there’s more!” (Exact replica of how it was said in the first Scream movie during the unveiling of the killer)
Evil reaches outward with his free hand and tugs at Jason O Neal’s head, causing another mask to slide off. At this point feeling humiliated, Johnny tosses the mask behind him in frustration before giving the imposter another heavy backhand to his face. As the camera zooms in, it is now noticed that the imposter really is… Joe Smarts...
Evil: “Joe Smarts, you dumb son of a bitch! Did you really think that you wouldn’t be exposed??”
Evil: “I mean it’s bad enough you put the ‘s’ at the end of smart as if making it plural makes you sound less stupid!”
Johnny squints at Joe Smarts and scratches his head for a moment…
Evil: “Now you have me wondering? I'm actually quite confused, I must confess...”
Johnny reaches his hand out and pulls on Joe Smarts forehead, ironically enough pulling off yet another mask. He tosses this one to the ground frustrated as he is now looking directly at the impostor who has been exposed to be Jace Wilds. Now thinking everything is a joke, Johnny lets off a sarcastic chuckle…
Evil: “Christ… Jace Wilds. Let me tell you, you’re such a wild man!!”
Johnny backhands the impostor once more. This time his frustration causes him to backhand the impostor so hard that it spins the mask to the side in which he is wearing…
Evil: Another fuckin’ mask?? What in the fuck is this ‘The Many Face God’?”
Johnny pulls off this mask to reveal yet another one of his gehy ass opponents…
Evil: “Whoa, it’s Brian Paine with an E! I guess that makes you more original than me because you added an extra letter to the a standard word for your last name, huh? Wrong mother-fucker, what makes us different is as unoriginal as my name is I’m more witty than you. While I’m almost convinced that this truly is Brian Paine, something has me wondering??”
Evil looks directly into the camera with curiosity before directing his attention back toward the imposter. Reaching out again he grabs at the scalp of Brian Paine and what a shocker, as he lifts upward another mask slides off of the imposters head.
Evil: “Kid Krazzy? Okay, this is getting a bit ridiculous now. You could watch a whole season of Scooby Doo and still not see so many un-maskings. I guess that’s what happens when you put me in the ring with a bunch of unoriginal fucks that nobody has cared about… ever in life!!”
Johnny looks directly into Kid Krazzy’s eyes.
Evil: “Let me guess, you could have gotten away with it too. If it wasn’t for Johnny Evil meddling in your plans. Well let me tell yo---”
Johnny cuts his talking short as he examines Kid Krazzy once more.
Evil: “Kid Krazzy… there is something about your eyes, and you know what they say. The eyes never lie.”
With yet another backhand as Evil continues to keep his pimp hand strong by smacking the impostor around much like he will his opponents at Slam, he proceeds to lift the veil, showing that is yet simply another mask. This time the culprit happens to be none other than Shay Mckay…
Evil: “Shay McKay (sigh) Eat My Fuck! Please, don’t tell me??”
Evil reaches forward and pulls off yet another mask.
Evil: “Okay, now this is just plain fuckin’ stupid. Johnny Blaze?”
As Evil drops the mask to the ground he gives a shrug of his shoulders as the impostor bows his head down and humility.
Evil: “Obviously it can’t be Johnny Blaze, right? I mean wouldn’t my had just set to flames and flake to ashes if I touched the real Johnny Blaze? Shit already smells of fraud, so I’m just gonna go out on another limb here and say that this is yet another form of fuckery for who this douche-bag truly is?”
With that said, Evil pulls of yet another mask (dammit, this is getting repetitive. Almost as repetitive as the lack of creativity of the talent in this cluster fuck of a match) As he looks at who is behind the mask of Johnny Blaze… (yup, you guessed it) Jordan Ciserano. (What a fucking shocker)
Evil: “Really? I need to have a match against these eight jackasses and I already seen more of their tiddy baby faces than I would have liked to. Shit almost makes me wanna’ commit suicide or self-mutilation!”
Evil looks at the camera and thinks things through for a moment before looking back at Jordan Ciserano with a peculiar look.
Evil: “Ahhh, what the hell? I guess I’ll give it another try!”
Johnny grabs at Jordan Ciserano’s head as he tries to pull himself away. Johnny shakes his head (no, no, no, mother-fucker) As he grips Ciserano’s head and pulls, the mask pulls off and when Johnny sees what’s underneath, his jaw almost drops to the ground.
Evil: “What the fuck?... It’s Grime, ladies and gentlemen. This is why you don’t do drugs!! Really though, I thought I killed him in 4CW last month with a botched move. I mean, the dude shit his pants and everything. Nobody showed up to his funeral, because who would? This can’t be possible though, you’re dead.”
Johnny pulls the impostor toward him and grips at his hair. He begins tugging upward, but nothing happens. This causes him to begin yanking on the impostors hair, causing him to scream and grunt in a massive amount of pain.
Evil: “Mother fucker, you’re going to come off. This has to be a mask it’ just on a little bit too tight, probably from your big fucking head!!”
Johnny continues to yank as the impostor continues to yell. Johnny pulls hard enough to where he yanks out a tiny patch of hair. Looking confused he grabs the hair of the impostor once more, this time wrapping as much of it into his hand as he can while he proceeds to yank once more. Following a couple hard yanks, Johnny rips the scalp from the impostors head, causing him to scream and cry in great agony and pain. With his eyes bulging from his head and his expression in quite a bit of shock Johnny drops the scalp to the side before using his hands to signal for the camera man to cut the promo. The impostor drops to the ground holding the top of his head, as his hands begin to stain a tint of crimson while all of this is going on…
Evil: “Oh shit… cut the camera. I think I might have fucked up a bit (... my bad)
Johnny continues to look around in concern not knowing what to do as the screams and cries only get louder, echoing the room before the scene fades.
Look, I don’t know any of these people nor do I care to know half of these mother fuckers that I’m in this gauntlet with. In fact, the WCF Nation doesn’t even need to worry about them either. As far as I’m concerned they’re non-fucking factors. The only name that WCF needs to concern themselves with is Johnny Evil and what he came here to do. The goal is simple, eliminate the herpes in WCF that is David Sanchez, but shit… since I’m in a gauntlet that involves a title opportunity, I might as well win that shit anyway. People don’t know me, but soon enough they will know what I’m capable of.
It doesn’t matter if you’re Jason O’ Neal or Joe Smarts going into this match because from them two all the way down Johnny Blaze none of them possess even a pinky’s worth of the talent that I do. I have wrestled all over the world. I don’t just compete here, I compete in a number of companies. What that means exactly is that I am no stranger to putting in that overtime, because hell… I have become pretty damn good at it. If WCF wants a new talent that can get the job done, they need look no further then myself. It’s time that this company knows what it’s like to have someone who truly has a mouthpiece, because let’s face facts out of the dozens of nobody’s here, there is one somebody. WCF is in desperate need of a new face that has the skills to pay the bills. That’s why at Slam, I’m coming down to that ring to fuck everyones mouth and leave them laying like ‘Rekt’ cars in a demolition derby.
See, when people first see the name Johnny Evil on a roster the ‘Evil’ jokes start flooding. Look, there is no cure for mental retardation and if you did your fuckin’ research you would know Evil is a spin-off of Evil Knievel. So, go ahead talk about ‘with a name like Johnny Evil I don’t sound like the type of guy to donate my time to soup-kitchens or participate as an active member of the Make A Wish fund.’ You really don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about when you say this. If that were the case I wouldn’t be donating my busy schedule to eight special needs children at Slam.
I mean, life could be worse… and my name could be worse…
I could be, Johnny Fly… for instance…
I could be Johnny Rabbit(Rabid)... for instance…
Or I could be a no name clique loser like Johnny Blaze… for instance…
Or my name could be one of those corny ass rhyming ones, like Shay Mckay… for instance…
Like I said, life could be worse. I could have a name that screams ‘I wanna’ listen to emo music and slit my wrists and commit suicide’ like Kid Krazzy for instance.
Let me tell you, Kid Krazzy. You’re so fuckin’ Crazy you need to spell crazy with a K and two Z’s. That is like a new hit on the Richter scale of crazy. I mean that is just intense, man. That would be like me taking out the I and replacing it with an’ E for my last name. Now that right there is just plain ol’ fuckin’ Evel! Kinda’ makes me sound more demented I guess. Really I won’t though, because if I misspelled my name like that I would feel more dyslexic than anything else. Like I said… Mental Retardation, it’s real y’all!
Like I don’t know where Seth finds these people? Are they the misfit toys from broken down companies that never succeeded? Did the not so brilliant idea pop into his head one day that he should go and scout the Special Olympics for talent. I guess it’s a struggle to find people that actually have wit, a sense of creativity, or a bit of the psychological warfare tactic for that matter. Seth, if you were hurting for talent you definitely should not have hired Jordan Ciserano. The dude smells like he’s been here before. In fact, he has a stench about him. It’s the wicked stink of previous failure. Your hiring skills are equivalent to that of Grimes trolling skills… and I say again, mental retardation. It’s beginning to become an epidemic in WCF!
People are gonna’ understand when I debut that Johnny Evil doesn’t put on boxing gloves when he throws jabs. You may see a fourth wall, but I don’t. I break that mother fucker down all the time. I don’t play nice with faggots, especially the ones that I have to face this week. My theory has always been if they can’t take a joke like they take a dick then they don’t belong in this business (Just Sayin…)
Joe Smarts is dumb, that’s about the only thing worth mentioning when mentioning his name (need I say more?) In fact, I take that back. He’s not even worth the mention. If I mentioned you it was probably the only fifteen minutes of fame you’ll ever get and between eight losers that means they wasted roughly two-hours of my time. (15 x 8 = 120mins ‘2hrs’) With no more time wasted I’m winning this gauntlet and becoming the next Alpha Champion!!
Happy Helloween y’all!!
