**WCF NEWS LIVE!!!!!!!*** Pre-War show, October 2nd 2016
Oct 2, 2016 15:11:23 GMT -5
Gemini Battle, Lilith, and 4 more like this
Post by WCF News by Zero Tolerance on Oct 2, 2016 15:11:23 GMT -5
WCF NEWS
brought to you by
Zero Tolerance
The feed comes alive and we see the WCF News desk with our three hosts from left to right, Jigaboo Jerome (Cash), Joe Cameltoe (Shep), Big Dick Daryl (Crazy J) as the cheezy news jingle comes to a close.
Joe Cameltoe (Shep): Gooooooood Evening Sluts and Gentlefucks!!!! And welcome to another AMAZING edition of WCF News brought to you by your good friends at Zero…Fucking….Tolerance. As always Im joined by the best in the business, Jigaboo Jerome and Big Dick Daryl!
Jigaboo Jerome (Cash): And do we have a great show tonight!!! We have a HUGE announcement that going to shake the WCF – but you’ll have to wait until later, ….were saving the good stuff!!
Big Dick Daryl (Crazy J): WHAT!? Why can’t we just fucking tell everyone right now!? The world needs to know dawg!!!
Joe C: Not Yet, Daryl!! The world can wait a little longer because, FIRST, we have to go back to a story that we told you about last week…
BD Daryl: Yeah!! Let’s talk about the panties!!! You were right, there’s a whole fuckin market for used panties!!!
J. Jerome: I hope you sleazy fucks aint been prowlin around Cash’s wife’s panties again…
Joe C: No, guys….we have to reveal the winner of Shepard’s dirty boxers!!!!!!
BD Daryl: Oh yeah, that’s right!! Let’s give them to Jason Cash to replace the panties the pantie thieves stole from his wife.
Joe C: ..No…we already picked a winner. Now remember, these boxers are already worth some money, weve seen that from the internet!! But wait till our boy Salem wins the World Title one day, the value of those boxers is gonna go through the roof!!!! Jerome, do us the honors!!!
J. Jerome: Ok, so it looks like the winner of the boxers is……BRIAN PAINE!!!
BD Daryl: WOW!! What a lucky guy!! That dude is gonna be rich one day!!
J. Jerome: I doubt it.
Joe Cameltoe motions for a production guy and moments later a younger man walks on stage and Joe pulls out a brown box with a bow on it. He hands it to the production man and tells him to take it to our winner.
BD Daryl: So, as we wait for that guy to take the winning boxers to Paine, I think we need to I think we need to thank one of our sponsors.
Big Dick Daryl pulls out a small blue box with ZMac’s face on it. He sets it on the desk and a huge smile sprads across his face
BD Daryl: This portion of the WCF News is brought to you by Zmac and Cheese, where every noodle is shaped like your favorite piece of shit!!!!!
J. Jerome: You know Crazy J loves it!!! ...Today we will have the privilege of seeing up close and personal the effects of WAR on a community… A WAR that will take place in this town. A war of…
BD Daryl: Is it those Black Lives Matter people are they protesting in this lovely town?
Joe C: Did those free government cell phone stands... that the drug dealers always roll up and get... did they run out of free phones?
J. Jerome: No its the WCF annual WAR PPV...
BD Daryl: Well folks lets go live to WAR...
Joe C: no Daryl its not time for WAR yet we have a big announcement for tonight...
BD Daryl: Oh yeah my bad... so last week as you all seen a wrestler here in the WCF came down with a bad disease.
Joe C: I bet it was Lilith... that slut.
J. Jerome: OR did flash get aids from all of the Beach Krew that was on his ass this week?
BD Daryl: You guys stop for a second... look i know you guys like to have fun but Lilith has feelings and I feel horrible that you 2 and Crazy J and the other ZT guys are always mocking her... Lilith if your listing to this I wont stop defending you tell these guys stop or i lose my job.
BD Daryl: Well in a second we are going to run an advertisement so the fans of the WCF can understand how serious of a disease this really is... I for one think this guy needs help but lets take a look... in this weeks person in your face Big Dick News Segment... where i give you the Hard News!
************Hardcore Porn Addiction************
The Following advertisement is brought to you by Lisa Wonderful and the views expressed in this ad may not reflect the views of the WCF. Your screen stays black as the message replays once more… then the feed comes in and J is dressed in a black suit and he has the hardcore belt on his shoulder.
Crazy J: Hello my name is Crazy J and I am not only your WCF Hardcore champion I am also addicted to Hardcore Porn. My addiction came on… ha I said came.. sorry ok back to ad…. My addiction started with simple search and I clicked on a link and next thing you know I am spending all my free time looking at different kinds of internet porn from clowns to girl on girl on guy on sheep… I struggle with this addiction every day. I can be walking into the kitchen and I instantly see a porn scene breaking out. I have to except that I need to stat going to meetings and getting support but today I am proud to say I have been 5 days clean of porn. But I am not cured the addiction is strong.. but with the support of my beautiful girlfriend I have been able to do this… parents watch your children because you may want your kid to be a hard… hard like a dick…. Fuck…. You may want your child to be a hardcore champion like Crazy J but you don’t want your kid addicted to hardcore porn…. Porn addiction is a real disease. You need to learn when to stop clicking on links and when to say that is enough porn for me.
the scene then cuts back to the NEWS desk and the camera is zoomed in on Big Dick Daryl.
BD Daryl: I tried to reach out to Crazy J for comments or to get a one on one interview however my phone has come up missing and from what the other two news guys are telling me Lisa still has his phone on lock down. However tune in next week when Big Dick Daryl tries to get Crazy J in his personal in your face Big Dick NEWS segment... where i give you the Hard News!
J. Jerome: this fuck thinks he really is Big Dick Daryl?
Joe C: um Jerome why of course he is Big Dick Daryl..
BD Daryl: Who else would I be?
J. Jerome: Crazy
Joe C: yes um... you would be crazy to not know who Big Dick Daryl is
BD Daryl: This next section of the news is brought to you by...
Joe C: Vagisil the product line design to keep your kitten looking and tasting fresh.
BD Daryl: that is not what they wanted us to read... come on guys if we want to get paid we have to do it right... Vagisil Odor Block Protection Wash At one time or another, almost every woman deals with feminine odor. And no wonder — you have thousands of sweat glands in your intimate area. Exercise, your period. Only VagisilWash has Odor Block Protection to help stop odor from happening
J. Jerome: But if it smells like cologne leave it alone if it smells like fish grab a dish...
BD Daryl: It’s gentle enough to use every day, so now you can start every morning feeling clean…for a confidence that lasts all day...
Joe C: Or tell your crotch goes from looking like a beautiful flower to looking like a bull dog that had a mayonnaise sandwich... or little teddy bear after she rubs her nasty crotch on it.
BD Daryl: Helps stop odor before it starts · Gentle formula cleans and nourishes your skin, leaving a light and clean refreshing scent · Gynecologist tested · Helps free skin of odor causing bacteria and perspiration · And ladies and gentleman it is Hypoallergenic as well as proudly Made in the USA.
Joe C: HOLD UP!!! Im being told that we have to go backstage...
A feed cuts in on the screen and we see the WCF News crew guy knocking on a door. A few moment later Brain Paine opens up the door and looks at the young kid. The kid looked nervous.
Brian Paine: Whats up?
Crew Kid: I...Um...The ZT News guys told me to bring this to you. They said you won it...
Brain Paine: Yeah, I dont think I want that...
Crew Kid: Could you at least take it? Im kinda scared to go back with it.
Brian Paine: Hell no!! I dont even know whats in there!!
Crew Kid: I'll open it and show you, then you can do whatever you want with it...please?
Brian Paine: ...Whats in there? You open it...
The kid opened the lid up the box, shaking nervously as he did. He tilted the box toward Paine and showed him the old, dirty pair of boxers.
Brian Paine: Get out of here!!!
Paine slapped the box out of the kids hands. The kid screamed, covered his face and backed into the wall. When he realized he couldn't go any further he ran down the hallway. Brian Paine shook his head and went back into his dressing room, leaving the dirty boxers in the hall.
The feed cut back to the News desk and Joe Cameltoe looked really pissed off.
Joe C: Well, Shep isnt gonna be happy about that...Thats just like throwing money in the trash. Im beat his ass in Wa---I mean, Shep is going to beat his ass in War tonight, he already told me that.
J. Jerome: We need to tell them the winner of the Titty Poll that the WCF roster voted on.
BD DaryL: Yes and the winner was Lilith!!!!!
Joe C: WHAT!?!?! IS THIS SHIT RIGGED!?!? You have GOT to be fucking kidding me!!! Nobody wants to see those tittles!! nobody!!!
J. Jerome: Hey, cant argue with the poll.
Joe C: The fuck I cant!! Im going to investigate this...
BD Daryl: Well, while you do that, Lilith wins this T-shit that that says "I won the Titty contest" and this trophy. But we keep the trophy.
Jerome got up and put the trophy on a shelf behind him on the set.
Joe C: You better believe that Im going to get to the bottom of this!! You better live it up Lilith, cause that trophy wont have your name on it forever!!! I think twilight lost because of the chads.
BD Daryl: I know Chad. Hes kind of a dick.
J. Jerome: Gentlemen.....Its time.....
Joe: OHHHH!!!! CAN I MAKE THE ANNOUNCEMENT!?!?
BD Daryl: No, ....we played rock, paper, scissors and I won!!
J. Jerome: Well, tell them!!! They've been waiting all week!!!!
BD Daryl: Ladies and Gentlemen, weve able to confirm that Zero Tolerance is adding a new member TONIGHT!!!! And this person will fight on their side at WAR in just a few short hours!!!! And its ----
J: Jerome: NNNOOO!!!!!! STOP!!!!!! You cant tell them who it is!!!
Joe C: Damn homie....you almost blew the whole show! Now, we cant tell you who the newest badass of ZT is gonna be, ...yet! We will have an interview with this superstar coming up!!! but first!! This segment of ZT news was brought to you by Metamucil, the most trusted brand of fiber that washed up old wrestlers, like Odin, use to stay regular!!! Its recommended that you wash it down with prune juice like an old fuck too.
BD Daryl: I just wanted to tell them who the newest superstar was, damn....its exciting!!
Joe C: We cant...we have to get through our "Dumbass Wrestler of the week" award.
J. Jerome: Which goes to the one and only....Flash!!!!!!! Mr. CamelToe, report your findings.
Joe C: Thank you, Jigaboo. As I was watching the second promo that Flash aired this week, I couldn't help put notice he talked about Crazy J's spelling. ..Does anyone know if Crazy J wrote a book?
BD Daryl: No, but he looked at a lot of Playboys, ..well...until they took the naked girls out...
Joe C: Thats my point, he hasnt...What the fuck was Flash talking about, you wonder!?!? ...well, I dont even have a clear answer for you, but I did some checking and asking around. I checked out J's social media, and he didnt say fiancee on there at all, which is the word Flash is criticizing. So I asked around and people at the WCF offices tell me you can get a transcript of any promo that aired, but its not typed by the person airing it.. So I guess its possible he got a transcript that misspelled fiancee, but J didnt type that.
BD Daryl: Im pretty sure J only said that in a promo...
Joe C: that is correct, Daryl. So how would Flash know if J misspelled a word when he was talking and not typing or writing?
J. Jerome: Because hes a fucking moron?
Joe C: And that is why Flash gets the "Dumbass Wrestler of the Week" award. We'll place this trophy next to the Lilith the voting frauds trophy until some other wrestler says something as stupid as Flash, ...I think thats one Title he might hold for a while.
BD Daryl: So let me get this straight...We read promos?
J. Jerome: ...and watch books. You got it.
BD Daryl: Im soo confused...
Joe C: So is Flash...he also posted on the internet the other day "Thanks for competing"
BD Daryl: WE MISSED WAR!?!?!
Joe C: No!! Hes just dumb!! And now we go to Jigaboo Jerome for some special War Predictions.
The camera cuts to Jerome, who I wearing a blue wizards hat and a smile.
Jerome: Helllooo....I am the great poon destroyer! And I can see the FUTURE!! With a simple close of my eyes, I can see what will happen at War.
Jerome closes his eyes.
Jerome: I see someone in the corner of the ring. His face is red. He's ashamed of something he's done. He's...Hes shit his pants. This man....He is...Joey Flash. Ladies and gentlemen. It is my prediction that Joey Flash will shit his pants and run away. He realized that you cant read a wrestling match, and he lost control of his bowels.
Big Dick Daryl: I could see that happening.
Joe camel toe: What else do you have for us?
Jerome closes his eyes.
Jerome: I see...a man...stumbling down the ramp. He looks lost. His lips are white. He's scratching at his face and neck. He's walking around in circles. Wait. Hrs heading back to the ramp. He's gone. Ladies and Gentlemen...I predict that Zombie McMorris will show up high on the meth he got for going down on Lilith. He will stumble to the ring, but will become lost and simply walk away.
Jerome opens his eyes.
Joe: Well Jerome, that sounds---
Jerome: Wait! A vision is coming to me! I see a man with a painted face touching titties! He has a smile across his face. Wait. Another hand. She's grabbing his dick. Ladies and gentlemen. This one is a doozy. I see Salem Shepard.. He's laying waste to everyone in front of him. And then..He grabs Twilight's titties. She, in turn, grabs his dick. What happens after that is cloudy.
Big dick Darryl: Those were some fucked up predictions, Joe.
Joe camel toe: I can't believe twilight I gonna grab my homies cock!
Jerome: Wait. I see another vision. This one is very clear. I've never seen something so clear! Odin Balsfore will not have a single elimination! That's right. That tiny dicked mother fucker is all bark...no bite
BD Daryl: What about the World Title Death match?
J. Jerome: WAIT!!! I see....I seee...Creeping Death, but NO!!!! Creeping Death cant do it because Thomas Bates is a zombie, he died at the hands of Creeping Death already. And you cant kill something thats already dead. So Zombie Bates gets the win!!
Joe C: I feel bad that guy died. I wonder which ZT member he gave his World Title to?
BD Daryl: He didnt!! Hes a zombie now, werent you paying attention!?
Joe C: Oh yeah....ITS THAT TIME!!!!!
BD Daryl: Its time for our interview with the newest ZT Superstar!!!!
J. Jerome: And were going LIVE to a room backstage!!
Big Dick Daryl got up from his spot at the desk and quickly ran from the set with a cameraman following him; whose feed we joined as Joe and Jerome watched from the big screen behind him. He sprinted past a set of double doors and into a hallway. He stopped at the fourth door on the right and went inside. There were two chairs setup facing each other, and with only one light on the room was very dim. Big Dick Daryl sat down in one chair, and as he did, another door from within the room opened and a figure appeared.
As he stepped into what little light there was, we could see that he was wearing a long trench coat, gloves and a Guy Fawkes mask. There was not a single piece of skin showing and no clues on who this was. We could see that he was of average height, so this ruled out any of the WCF giants or anyone under six foot. And it was hard to get an idea of how this person was built under all the clothes as he slowly stepped from the doorway and sat down in the chair opposite Big Dick Daryl. Daryl shook the hand of the newest ZT member and then Daryl relaxed in his chair with a piece of paper.
BD Daryl: Here he is boys and girls!!! The newest member of Zero Tolerance that will help us ....uuumm...help THEM win War tonight!! As you see, hes hiding his face....only because we wanted to drag out the suspense a little longer!! haha....ANYWAY!!! How are you tonight, ZT member number four?
New ZT member: Im great. I couldn't be better. This is one of the best days of my career.
His voice wasn't clear as it was being manipulated by his microphone attached to his shirt. His voice was deep and sounded robotic as to not give away who he was.
BD Daryl: So why did you choose ZT?
New ZT member: Why not, Crazy J? Excuse me, Mr. Big Dick Daryl. I didn't mean to confuse you with the Hardcore Champion! But, as I was saying, ZT is the top stable in Professional Wrestling, and a multi billion dollar corporation! It was a no brainer decision.
BD Daryl: But you've had issues with these guys, right? How does that work?
New ZT member: You could say we got off on the wrong foot, but when we started talking about joining forces, not only did we realize that it could only make us all better, but we actually make a hell of a team! When it comes down to it, these guys and I got a hell of a lot in common and can do great things!
BD Daryl: How much is your first ZT check gonna be?
New ZT Member: None of your damn business! I got my own money, but lets just say its substantial when the signing bonus is thrown in.
BD Daryl: How will this effect the WCF?
New ZT member: There will be a collective smell in the back from multiple men and women shitting themselves in fear, shock, and realization that the whole GAME HAS CHANGED!
BD Daryl: So how long has this been in the works?
New ZT member: Since the beginning my good man. There's a reason ZT and I have never crossed paths for very long. I'd say more but that would give it away..
BD Daryl: So you've met with Jaymz and Erik Black?
New ZT Member: Yes I have and there are big things in the works for not only will I be wrestling with ZT but I will also be handling some of their business duties as well!
BD Daryl: What do you bring to ZT?
New ZT member: One word..Magnificence
The man got up and shed the trench coat, then pulled off the gloves, ..and finally, slowly, pulled the Guy Fawkes mask off his face.
BD Daryl: OH MY GOD ITS ADRIAN ARCHER!!!!!!!!!
The scene cut back to the news desk where Joe Cameltoe and Jigaboo Jerome were sitting. They both looked shocked
J. Jerome: Holy shit!!! I can’t believe it!!! Adrian Archer has joined up with Zero Tolerance!!!!
Joe C: I can’t believe this Jerome!! This shit is blowing my fucking wig!! Let’s get back to Daryl and Archer!!!
The scene flashes back to the room where Archer had sat back down in the chair across from Big Dick Daryl. Archer had a smile and a very confident look on his face.
BD Daryl: Yes, America, this this real…You are NOT hallucinating!!!.....So you and Cash arguing on the internet was a front?
Archer: We laughed about it afterwards..that was some funny shit man!
BD Daryl: You left the match with ZT because you already knew you were joining them and you guys talked about it before the match - that was the rumor I heard!!
Archer: Yeah. Cash and I exchanged a few blows but then when that cunt twilight hit Izumi, I thought this would be a perfect time to take off! Though I found out later she was a he..
BD Daryl: I have a feeling you will make the difference in ZT that Kira couldn't.
Archer: That's right WCF..Fuck Keyser Soze this is THE ULTIMATE TWIST! And it's been going on right beneath your noses! This whole time! Bishop..you got played! Think I'd ever join your band of losers! Now Behold yourself getting played like a Bitch!!! Welcome to the new world WCF! And there will be Zero Tolerance for anybody stepping up to the NEW SUPERPOWER IN THE WCF!!!
BD Daryl: Well, Archer, I'm being told we have to wrap this up. But before we go, I have to ask....What are your thoughts on War tonight?
Archer: HEARTS GONNA BE BROKEN..EGOS SHATTERED..IN THE END IT WON'T MATTER. BALFORE GONNA BREAK A HIP. FLASH IS GONNA PAY. IT'S GONNA BE A ZT KINDA DAY
Crazy J: Hello my name is Crazy J and I am not only your WCF Hardcore champion I am also addicted to Hardcore Porn. My addiction came on… ha I said came.. sorry ok back to ad…. My addiction started with simple search and I clicked on a link and next thing you know I am spending all my free time looking at different kinds of internet porn from clowns to girl on girl on guy on sheep… I struggle with this addiction every day. I can be walking into the kitchen and I instantly see a porn scene breaking out. I have to except that I need to stat going to meetings and getting support but today I am proud to say I have been 5 days clean of porn. But I am not cured the addiction is strong.. but with the support of my beautiful girlfriend I have been able to do this… parents watch your children because you may want your kid to be a hard… hard like a dick…. Fuck…. You may want your child to be a hardcore champion like Crazy J but you don’t want your kid addicted to hardcore porn…. Porn addiction is a real disease. You need to learn when to stop clicking on links and when to say that is enough porn for me.
the scene then cuts back to the NEWS desk and the camera is zoomed in on Big Dick Daryl.
BD Daryl: I tried to reach out to Crazy J for comments or to get a one on one interview however my phone has come up missing and from what the other two news guys are telling me Lisa still has his phone on lock down. However tune in next week when Big Dick Daryl tries to get Crazy J in his personal in your face Big Dick NEWS segment... where i give you the Hard News!
J. Jerome: this fuck thinks he really is Big Dick Daryl?
Joe C: um Jerome why of course he is Big Dick Daryl..
BD Daryl: Who else would I be?
J. Jerome: Crazy
Joe C: yes um... you would be crazy to not know who Big Dick Daryl is
BD Daryl: This next section of the news is brought to you by...
Joe C: Vagisil the product line design to keep your kitten looking and tasting fresh.
BD Daryl: that is not what they wanted us to read... come on guys if we want to get paid we have to do it right... Vagisil Odor Block Protection Wash At one time or another, almost every woman deals with feminine odor. And no wonder — you have thousands of sweat glands in your intimate area. Exercise, your period. Only VagisilWash has Odor Block Protection to help stop odor from happening
J. Jerome: But if it smells like cologne leave it alone if it smells like fish grab a dish...
BD Daryl: It’s gentle enough to use every day, so now you can start every morning feeling clean…for a confidence that lasts all day...
Joe C: Or tell your crotch goes from looking like a beautiful flower to looking like a bull dog that had a mayonnaise sandwich... or little teddy bear after she rubs her nasty crotch on it.
BD Daryl: Helps stop odor before it starts · Gentle formula cleans and nourishes your skin, leaving a light and clean refreshing scent · Gynecologist tested · Helps free skin of odor causing bacteria and perspiration · And ladies and gentleman it is Hypoallergenic as well as proudly Made in the USA.
Joe C: HOLD UP!!! Im being told that we have to go backstage...
******WCF NEWS******
A feed cuts in on the screen and we see the WCF News crew guy knocking on a door. A few moment later Brain Paine opens up the door and looks at the young kid. The kid looked nervous.
Brian Paine: Whats up?
Crew Kid: I...Um...The ZT News guys told me to bring this to you. They said you won it...
Brain Paine: Yeah, I dont think I want that...
Crew Kid: Could you at least take it? Im kinda scared to go back with it.
Brian Paine: Hell no!! I dont even know whats in there!!
Crew Kid: I'll open it and show you, then you can do whatever you want with it...please?
Brian Paine: ...Whats in there? You open it...
The kid opened the lid up the box, shaking nervously as he did. He tilted the box toward Paine and showed him the old, dirty pair of boxers.
Brian Paine: Get out of here!!!
Paine slapped the box out of the kids hands. The kid screamed, covered his face and backed into the wall. When he realized he couldn't go any further he ran down the hallway. Brian Paine shook his head and went back into his dressing room, leaving the dirty boxers in the hall.
******WCF NEWS******
The feed cut back to the News desk and Joe Cameltoe looked really pissed off.
Joe C: Well, Shep isnt gonna be happy about that...Thats just like throwing money in the trash. Im beat his ass in Wa---I mean, Shep is going to beat his ass in War tonight, he already told me that.
J. Jerome: We need to tell them the winner of the Titty Poll that the WCF roster voted on.
BD DaryL: Yes and the winner was Lilith!!!!!
Joe C: WHAT!?!?! IS THIS SHIT RIGGED!?!? You have GOT to be fucking kidding me!!! Nobody wants to see those tittles!! nobody!!!
J. Jerome: Hey, cant argue with the poll.
Joe C: The fuck I cant!! Im going to investigate this...
BD Daryl: Well, while you do that, Lilith wins this T-shit that that says "I won the Titty contest" and this trophy. But we keep the trophy.
Jerome got up and put the trophy on a shelf behind him on the set.
Joe C: You better believe that Im going to get to the bottom of this!! You better live it up Lilith, cause that trophy wont have your name on it forever!!! I think twilight lost because of the chads.
BD Daryl: I know Chad. Hes kind of a dick.
J. Jerome: Gentlemen.....Its time.....
Joe: OHHHH!!!! CAN I MAKE THE ANNOUNCEMENT!?!?
BD Daryl: No, ....we played rock, paper, scissors and I won!!
J. Jerome: Well, tell them!!! They've been waiting all week!!!!
BD Daryl: Ladies and Gentlemen, weve able to confirm that Zero Tolerance is adding a new member TONIGHT!!!! And this person will fight on their side at WAR in just a few short hours!!!! And its ----
J: Jerome: NNNOOO!!!!!! STOP!!!!!! You cant tell them who it is!!!
Joe C: Damn homie....you almost blew the whole show! Now, we cant tell you who the newest badass of ZT is gonna be, ...yet! We will have an interview with this superstar coming up!!! but first!! This segment of ZT news was brought to you by Metamucil, the most trusted brand of fiber that washed up old wrestlers, like Odin, use to stay regular!!! Its recommended that you wash it down with prune juice like an old fuck too.
BD Daryl: I just wanted to tell them who the newest superstar was, damn....its exciting!!
Joe C: We cant...we have to get through our "Dumbass Wrestler of the week" award.
J. Jerome: Which goes to the one and only....Flash!!!!!!! Mr. CamelToe, report your findings.
Joe C: Thank you, Jigaboo. As I was watching the second promo that Flash aired this week, I couldn't help put notice he talked about Crazy J's spelling. ..Does anyone know if Crazy J wrote a book?
BD Daryl: No, but he looked at a lot of Playboys, ..well...until they took the naked girls out...
Joe C: Thats my point, he hasnt...What the fuck was Flash talking about, you wonder!?!? ...well, I dont even have a clear answer for you, but I did some checking and asking around. I checked out J's social media, and he didnt say fiancee on there at all, which is the word Flash is criticizing. So I asked around and people at the WCF offices tell me you can get a transcript of any promo that aired, but its not typed by the person airing it.. So I guess its possible he got a transcript that misspelled fiancee, but J didnt type that.
BD Daryl: Im pretty sure J only said that in a promo...
Joe C: that is correct, Daryl. So how would Flash know if J misspelled a word when he was talking and not typing or writing?
J. Jerome: Because hes a fucking moron?
Joe C: And that is why Flash gets the "Dumbass Wrestler of the Week" award. We'll place this trophy next to the Lilith the voting frauds trophy until some other wrestler says something as stupid as Flash, ...I think thats one Title he might hold for a while.
BD Daryl: So let me get this straight...We read promos?
J. Jerome: ...and watch books. You got it.
BD Daryl: Im soo confused...
Joe C: So is Flash...he also posted on the internet the other day "Thanks for competing"
BD Daryl: WE MISSED WAR!?!?!
Joe C: No!! Hes just dumb!! And now we go to Jigaboo Jerome for some special War Predictions.
The camera cuts to Jerome, who I wearing a blue wizards hat and a smile.
Jerome: Helllooo....I am the great poon destroyer! And I can see the FUTURE!! With a simple close of my eyes, I can see what will happen at War.
Jerome closes his eyes.
Jerome: I see someone in the corner of the ring. His face is red. He's ashamed of something he's done. He's...Hes shit his pants. This man....He is...Joey Flash. Ladies and gentlemen. It is my prediction that Joey Flash will shit his pants and run away. He realized that you cant read a wrestling match, and he lost control of his bowels.
Big Dick Daryl: I could see that happening.
Joe camel toe: What else do you have for us?
Jerome closes his eyes.
Jerome: I see...a man...stumbling down the ramp. He looks lost. His lips are white. He's scratching at his face and neck. He's walking around in circles. Wait. Hrs heading back to the ramp. He's gone. Ladies and Gentlemen...I predict that Zombie McMorris will show up high on the meth he got for going down on Lilith. He will stumble to the ring, but will become lost and simply walk away.
Jerome opens his eyes.
Joe: Well Jerome, that sounds---
Jerome: Wait! A vision is coming to me! I see a man with a painted face touching titties! He has a smile across his face. Wait. Another hand. She's grabbing his dick. Ladies and gentlemen. This one is a doozy. I see Salem Shepard.. He's laying waste to everyone in front of him. And then..He grabs Twilight's titties. She, in turn, grabs his dick. What happens after that is cloudy.
Big dick Darryl: Those were some fucked up predictions, Joe.
Joe camel toe: I can't believe twilight I gonna grab my homies cock!
Jerome: Wait. I see another vision. This one is very clear. I've never seen something so clear! Odin Balsfore will not have a single elimination! That's right. That tiny dicked mother fucker is all bark...no bite
BD Daryl: What about the World Title Death match?
J. Jerome: WAIT!!! I see....I seee...Creeping Death, but NO!!!! Creeping Death cant do it because Thomas Bates is a zombie, he died at the hands of Creeping Death already. And you cant kill something thats already dead. So Zombie Bates gets the win!!
Joe C: I feel bad that guy died. I wonder which ZT member he gave his World Title to?
BD Daryl: He didnt!! Hes a zombie now, werent you paying attention!?
Joe C: Oh yeah....ITS THAT TIME!!!!!
BD Daryl: Its time for our interview with the newest ZT Superstar!!!!
J. Jerome: And were going LIVE to a room backstage!!
******WCF NEWS******
Big Dick Daryl got up from his spot at the desk and quickly ran from the set with a cameraman following him; whose feed we joined as Joe and Jerome watched from the big screen behind him. He sprinted past a set of double doors and into a hallway. He stopped at the fourth door on the right and went inside. There were two chairs setup facing each other, and with only one light on the room was very dim. Big Dick Daryl sat down in one chair, and as he did, another door from within the room opened and a figure appeared.
As he stepped into what little light there was, we could see that he was wearing a long trench coat, gloves and a Guy Fawkes mask. There was not a single piece of skin showing and no clues on who this was. We could see that he was of average height, so this ruled out any of the WCF giants or anyone under six foot. And it was hard to get an idea of how this person was built under all the clothes as he slowly stepped from the doorway and sat down in the chair opposite Big Dick Daryl. Daryl shook the hand of the newest ZT member and then Daryl relaxed in his chair with a piece of paper.
BD Daryl: Here he is boys and girls!!! The newest member of Zero Tolerance that will help us ....uuumm...help THEM win War tonight!! As you see, hes hiding his face....only because we wanted to drag out the suspense a little longer!! haha....ANYWAY!!! How are you tonight, ZT member number four?
New ZT member: Im great. I couldn't be better. This is one of the best days of my career.
His voice wasn't clear as it was being manipulated by his microphone attached to his shirt. His voice was deep and sounded robotic as to not give away who he was.
BD Daryl: So why did you choose ZT?
New ZT member: Why not, Crazy J? Excuse me, Mr. Big Dick Daryl. I didn't mean to confuse you with the Hardcore Champion! But, as I was saying, ZT is the top stable in Professional Wrestling, and a multi billion dollar corporation! It was a no brainer decision.
BD Daryl: But you've had issues with these guys, right? How does that work?
New ZT member: You could say we got off on the wrong foot, but when we started talking about joining forces, not only did we realize that it could only make us all better, but we actually make a hell of a team! When it comes down to it, these guys and I got a hell of a lot in common and can do great things!
BD Daryl: How much is your first ZT check gonna be?
New ZT Member: None of your damn business! I got my own money, but lets just say its substantial when the signing bonus is thrown in.
BD Daryl: How will this effect the WCF?
New ZT member: There will be a collective smell in the back from multiple men and women shitting themselves in fear, shock, and realization that the whole GAME HAS CHANGED!
BD Daryl: So how long has this been in the works?
New ZT member: Since the beginning my good man. There's a reason ZT and I have never crossed paths for very long. I'd say more but that would give it away..
BD Daryl: So you've met with Jaymz and Erik Black?
New ZT Member: Yes I have and there are big things in the works for not only will I be wrestling with ZT but I will also be handling some of their business duties as well!
BD Daryl: What do you bring to ZT?
New ZT member: One word..Magnificence
The man got up and shed the trench coat, then pulled off the gloves, ..and finally, slowly, pulled the Guy Fawkes mask off his face.
BD Daryl: OH MY GOD ITS ADRIAN ARCHER!!!!!!!!!
The scene cut back to the news desk where Joe Cameltoe and Jigaboo Jerome were sitting. They both looked shocked
J. Jerome: Holy shit!!! I can’t believe it!!! Adrian Archer has joined up with Zero Tolerance!!!!
Joe C: I can’t believe this Jerome!! This shit is blowing my fucking wig!! Let’s get back to Daryl and Archer!!!
The scene flashes back to the room where Archer had sat back down in the chair across from Big Dick Daryl. Archer had a smile and a very confident look on his face.
BD Daryl: Yes, America, this this real…You are NOT hallucinating!!!.....So you and Cash arguing on the internet was a front?
Archer: We laughed about it afterwards..that was some funny shit man!
BD Daryl: You left the match with ZT because you already knew you were joining them and you guys talked about it before the match - that was the rumor I heard!!
Archer: Yeah. Cash and I exchanged a few blows but then when that cunt twilight hit Izumi, I thought this would be a perfect time to take off! Though I found out later she was a he..
BD Daryl: I have a feeling you will make the difference in ZT that Kira couldn't.
Archer: That's right WCF..Fuck Keyser Soze this is THE ULTIMATE TWIST! And it's been going on right beneath your noses! This whole time! Bishop..you got played! Think I'd ever join your band of losers! Now Behold yourself getting played like a Bitch!!! Welcome to the new world WCF! And there will be Zero Tolerance for anybody stepping up to the NEW SUPERPOWER IN THE WCF!!!
BD Daryl: Well, Archer, I'm being told we have to wrap this up. But before we go, I have to ask....What are your thoughts on War tonight?
Archer: HEARTS GONNA BE BROKEN..EGOS SHATTERED..IN THE END IT WON'T MATTER. BALFORE GONNA BREAK A HIP. FLASH IS GONNA PAY. IT'S GONNA BE A ZT KINDA DAY
******WCF NEWS******
Big Dick Daryl ran back from the room and joined his co-hosts back at the News desk.
J. Jerome: Well, the WCF will never be the same again. ZT took one of the best in the business and added him to their roster. I dont know how you can stop these guys, Joe.
Joe C: I dont think that you can!! Its clear they are the best stable in the WCF right now, and may be one of the greatest to ever step foot in the WCF for that matter.
J. Jerome: That gives Zero Tolerance four chances to win War tonight.
BD Daryl: Yes it does, Jerome. I think were almost out of time for the day. You guys have any guesses on whos gonna win War tonight? ...personally, I think its going to be Crazy J
Joe C: Naw, its gonna be everyones favorite Schizo, Salem Shepard!!!
J. Jerome: Ya know guys, I just dont agree with yall. Im pretty sure its gonna be Jason Cash, the Hillbilly Hero!!
Joe C: It sounds like we all agree that one of those ZT boys is gonna take home the War victory tonight!!
BD Daryl: I heard that Bishop has something special planned for the fans sitting ringside tonight!!
Joe C: Is he gonna join ZT too!!
J. Jerome: HELL NO!!
BD Daryl: No, I heard that he was hiding nachos in his beard, hes gonna pass them out to the fans in the front row.
J. Jerome: that explains the greasy hair....The cheese came from Lilith's cro---
BD Daryl: WOAH!!! Hold up homie, we got kids watching.
Joe C: Not anymore because we are out of time!!!! We would like to thank our sponsors!!! We would also like to thank Zero Tolerance for fronting the bill for this news show, because Seth is tooo fucking cheap to help us out!!
BD Daryl: Im Big Dick Daryl and Im joined by the two best anchors in the business, Joe Cameltoe and Jigaboo Jerome!!!
J. Jerome: Join us again next week, Live before Slam!!!! Im Jigaboo Jerome - signing off!!!
Joe C: Peace out bitches!!!!!!
