FPV is WAR II: If You Have Ghosts...
Oct 1, 2016 21:57:12 GMT -5
Teo Blaze, Joey Flash, and 2 more like this
Post by FPV on Oct 1, 2016 21:57:12 GMT -5
FPV is WAR II: If You Have Ghosts…
“This place is a fuckin’ mess,” I thought as I stepped into what remained of the old ToT Nightclub.
What was once my primary base of operations during my time in the ToT, in my absence had become abandoned, a shell of its former self. A shame, really. I still have fond memories in that place, like when I became one of the first WCF wrestlers to be interviewed Lucien Hicks, back during my personal crusade against Roy Speede. Long nights spent playing video games, trolling people on the internet, and flirting with (and occasionally fucking) the Waitress twins that used to work for me. I stood there today, a changed man. I barely have times for the games I used to play daily, I never post on the internet unless there’s serious meaning behind it, and I’m very decidedly single.
So why did I come here? Was it just a quick fix of WCF nostalgia? It felt that way ever since I showed up at Revenge. Blasts from the past like Jeff and Odin making bids for WAR like our “glory days” of old. Maybe it was a reminder of the things I was capable of doing? The period where I ran the ToT Club was my most successful period as a wrestler, racking up more titles then most who compete in the WCF could only dream of getting. World Title, People’s Title, U.S Title, you name it, I’ve probably held it, and especially during the ToT/Genesis days. But honestly? I went there because it just felt like the right thing to do. With the way I was being labeled a “returning vet” to the fed, this entry into WAR felt like the start of a new phase (or a renaissance, depends on your opinion), and revisiting my past only felt natural.
The club was in no condition to be run today, there was much work that had to be done if this place were to reopen. The lights were very much broken, every one needed to be replaced. The furniture (chairs and tables and such) were either stacked on top of each other or strewn about the floor haphazardly. They probably all needed to be replaced and updated. Thankfully, despite the broken glass door, it didn’t appear as if anyone was squatting in here. The last thing I need is some hobo squatting in this fucking place.
After taking inventory of everything in the club, I went to a door near the back label “Employees Only.” I opened the door and in front of me was a massive staircase that seemingly went on forever. The descent down felt longer than it did the last time. In hindsight, having the so-called “inner sanctum” of the club so low (while cool as shit) was a tad impractical. Eventually (and I do mean eventually) once I reached the end of the stairs, I came to another door marked “Employees Only.” Unlike the club I had just come down from, there didn’t appear to be any evidence of this facility being used since I had last been here. I opened the door, and sure enough everything was in its right place. The shelves still stood, almost every video game known to man on every console conceivable. Those aforementioned console were stationed in their own little shelves in the middle of the room, underneath the TV. At the time I had this room made, this TV was top of the line shit, but with those curved TVs I keep hearing people rave about, it dawned on me an upgrade could be in order. And of course to bring everything together, there was a sensible rug in front of the TV, near a nice little couch. I took a seat to see if it still held up, and it didn’t take long to answer yes. It felt so good coming back to this place.
Now despite what you may be thinking, I didn’t come all the down here to play video games, although I figured a quick few matches on WCF ’13 wouldn’t hurt once I was done. Nah, I came down here for a moment of peace and quiet. You see, with the amount of hype surrounding WAR on Sunday, and with so many people firing off shots in the media about everyone in the match, a little peace and quiet would def be useful. I had left my phone back in the car outside, and after locking the door to the sanctum, there was no way in hell anyone was gonna bug me.
I took my shoes off, put them off to the side, and sat down on the center of the rug. It had been a while since I had done this, but I was confident that it would come back to me as easy as riding a bike. I made sure my posture was correct, closed my eyes and began to breathe deeply. Thoughts came to me, inevitably, but I just let them slide, concentrating on my breathing. After a few minutes of sharp focus, I stepped inside.
All white. The nothingness stretched out infinitely in every direction. This wasn’t a depressing nothingness, though. No, this type of intense mental isolation always gave the feeling that “anything was possible.” It also helped that this environment was very familiar to me. I had come here before a few times, the most prominent time was before Blast 2012. This place let me get out my feelings that I couldn’t really get out in “the real world.”
I took a few steps forward once my functions came back to me, looking for anywhere or anything that looked interesting. And wouldn’t you know it, after walking in a straight line for long enough, I came across an old face, wearing tattered clothes, shaggy dirty blonde hair, and covered from head to toe in shackles.
“This place is a fuckin’ mess,” I thought as I stepped into what remained of the old ToT Nightclub.
What was once my primary base of operations during my time in the ToT, in my absence had become abandoned, a shell of its former self. A shame, really. I still have fond memories in that place, like when I became one of the first WCF wrestlers to be interviewed Lucien Hicks, back during my personal crusade against Roy Speede. Long nights spent playing video games, trolling people on the internet, and flirting with (and occasionally fucking) the Waitress twins that used to work for me. I stood there today, a changed man. I barely have times for the games I used to play daily, I never post on the internet unless there’s serious meaning behind it, and I’m very decidedly single.
So why did I come here? Was it just a quick fix of WCF nostalgia? It felt that way ever since I showed up at Revenge. Blasts from the past like Jeff and Odin making bids for WAR like our “glory days” of old. Maybe it was a reminder of the things I was capable of doing? The period where I ran the ToT Club was my most successful period as a wrestler, racking up more titles then most who compete in the WCF could only dream of getting. World Title, People’s Title, U.S Title, you name it, I’ve probably held it, and especially during the ToT/Genesis days. But honestly? I went there because it just felt like the right thing to do. With the way I was being labeled a “returning vet” to the fed, this entry into WAR felt like the start of a new phase (or a renaissance, depends on your opinion), and revisiting my past only felt natural.
The club was in no condition to be run today, there was much work that had to be done if this place were to reopen. The lights were very much broken, every one needed to be replaced. The furniture (chairs and tables and such) were either stacked on top of each other or strewn about the floor haphazardly. They probably all needed to be replaced and updated. Thankfully, despite the broken glass door, it didn’t appear as if anyone was squatting in here. The last thing I need is some hobo squatting in this fucking place.
After taking inventory of everything in the club, I went to a door near the back label “Employees Only.” I opened the door and in front of me was a massive staircase that seemingly went on forever. The descent down felt longer than it did the last time. In hindsight, having the so-called “inner sanctum” of the club so low (while cool as shit) was a tad impractical. Eventually (and I do mean eventually) once I reached the end of the stairs, I came to another door marked “Employees Only.” Unlike the club I had just come down from, there didn’t appear to be any evidence of this facility being used since I had last been here. I opened the door, and sure enough everything was in its right place. The shelves still stood, almost every video game known to man on every console conceivable. Those aforementioned console were stationed in their own little shelves in the middle of the room, underneath the TV. At the time I had this room made, this TV was top of the line shit, but with those curved TVs I keep hearing people rave about, it dawned on me an upgrade could be in order. And of course to bring everything together, there was a sensible rug in front of the TV, near a nice little couch. I took a seat to see if it still held up, and it didn’t take long to answer yes. It felt so good coming back to this place.
Now despite what you may be thinking, I didn’t come all the down here to play video games, although I figured a quick few matches on WCF ’13 wouldn’t hurt once I was done. Nah, I came down here for a moment of peace and quiet. You see, with the amount of hype surrounding WAR on Sunday, and with so many people firing off shots in the media about everyone in the match, a little peace and quiet would def be useful. I had left my phone back in the car outside, and after locking the door to the sanctum, there was no way in hell anyone was gonna bug me.
I took my shoes off, put them off to the side, and sat down on the center of the rug. It had been a while since I had done this, but I was confident that it would come back to me as easy as riding a bike. I made sure my posture was correct, closed my eyes and began to breathe deeply. Thoughts came to me, inevitably, but I just let them slide, concentrating on my breathing. After a few minutes of sharp focus, I stepped inside.
All white. The nothingness stretched out infinitely in every direction. This wasn’t a depressing nothingness, though. No, this type of intense mental isolation always gave the feeling that “anything was possible.” It also helped that this environment was very familiar to me. I had come here before a few times, the most prominent time was before Blast 2012. This place let me get out my feelings that I couldn’t really get out in “the real world.”
I took a few steps forward once my functions came back to me, looking for anywhere or anything that looked interesting. And wouldn’t you know it, after walking in a straight line for long enough, I came across an old face, wearing tattered clothes, shaggy dirty blonde hair, and covered from head to toe in shackles.
FPV: Howdy. Long time no see.
Super FPV: Go fuck yourself.
Ah yes, Super FPV. The manifestation of the time I tapped too hard into what I could do and went insane. I still remember the trip into my mind I took (with the help of Dr. Heill) to lock this guy away deep into my mind, to make sure he never came out again. With the tightness of those shackles, it looked like the mental locks were still fully in place.
FPV: Happy to see me, I see.
Super FPV: I bet you have no idea how this feels, do you? You haven’t given me a single thought since you put me in these, haven’t you?
FPV: Nope, sure haven’t.
Super FPV: You know this little excursion back to the WCF is just a waste of time, don’t you? You’re just gonn lose for two months then leave once you’ve added another notch to your losing streak at One. Don’t even deny it, you know it’s true.
A silence. That’s the trouble with talking with these mental constructs: they know EVERYTHING, even the things you don’t want to admit to yourself.
FPV: This time will be different.
Super FPV: Sure it will buddy. Suuuuuure it will. You said that the last time you tried this.
I tried to say something, but he cut me off before I could even form the breath to say it.
Super FPV: And no, don’t even start with that “I want to do battle with this current roster” crap. You tell everyone that this is a great roster, but we both know that’s BS. For FUCK’s sake, Captain WCF has a title. The roster’s in the toilet and you kn-
*SLLLLLAAAPPPP*
I just had to. Anything to get him to shut up. He just smiled at me.
Super FPV: You can deny it all you want Franky-boy! I’ll let you be the one to be embarresed, not me.
FPV: Then I’ll just have to prove you wrong then, heh.
Super FPV: Good luck with that. I mean it.
After one last scoff goodbye, I started walking again. As I got farther and farther away from him, I could hear him complaining about how tight his locks were. Putting him in them was the best decision I’ve probably ever made. But I knew he had a point. I was all kinds of nervous about this latest venture back into the ring. It was something I was hoping to come to terms with this deep inside. I walked…and walked…and walked…
NOTES FROM THE RAFTERS
(in no particular order)
(in no particular order)
Mikey eXtreme:
The luckiest man in the whole damn WAR match, Mikey is. Cause after over forty five other people have gotten in and been eliminated, ole’ Mikey’s gonna swoop on in in the last spot, fresh as a daisy, and automatically take the advantage. If the other participants (including myself) aren’t too careful, Mikey can totally steal the victory away from us. He’s got the talent to do it too, dude was the 2015 United States Champion of the Year, and as a two time champion myself, that title usually holds a lot of prestige in my eyes. But looking back to last year after he won, it looks like being champion drove him bonkers. Started calling himself The King of America, and I’m sure George Washington and the rest of the founding fathers were all rolling in their graves at the idea of their baby falling into the hands of a monarch.
It doesn’t look like he’s recovered ever since. If anything, his intense rivalry with Henry Spearman seems to have only made things worse. The man has had a one tract mind ever since this began: destroy Spearman and make him pay for humiliating him in the ring. Literally EVERYTHING about this man’s life has revolved around Spearman. But when Mikey walks out on Sunday, there’s a good chance Spearman won’t be there anymore. He’ll have to fight other men, and quite frankly after focusing so much on one guy, I dunno how Mikey will be able to handle anyone else. Even with that, his advantage coming in last cannot be underestimated. Im gonna have to be careful around this guy.
P.S; who still writes the word extreme like that? Better yet, who even uses extreme as a name anymore? Fuckin’ edgelord.
P.P.S; Whoa now, fresh update: apparently my very presence in the WAR made him rage quit an interview with Hank Brown. Interesting. Very interesting indeed.
Shay McKay:
Why. Why why why are these new signings making the mistake of debuting in the WAR match? It’s literally the fucking WORST way to establish yourself since you’re almost guaranteed to lose. Now with that being said, I will give this man some props, his heart is obviously in the right place, and I think with more standard matches he can be really promising. But this week, with over forty five other opponents? Yeah, dude’ll get creamed.
Lilith:
In hindsight, my relative lack of interaction with Lilith back in the day when she was just starting out may be one of the biggest blessings of my career. By far the most annoying person to ever join the WCF, and we’re talking about a roster with Adam Young on it! Literally everything about her is designed to make you want to punch her in the face. Her voice, the way she talks, her intense child-like behavior, her Twitter antics. With regards to that, I think Lilith has been playing the best mind games in all of the WCF lately. Everyone fucking HATES her, and she knows that. That way when she does win, it’s seen as a MAAAAAJOR embarrassment to her opponent. HOW can you lose to the chick who’s obsessed with teddy bears? Death knell for your career if you do.
That’d be all well and dandy if only Lilith ever actually took things seriously. She puts so much focus on trolling people on twitter that her in ring ability has VASTLY deteriorated. It’s gotten to the point where the only people she’s beating are people whose careers were already pretty much over. Thus the mind games go from annoying with a bit of a purpose to just flat out annoying. Will she be a threat to win? If her level of motivation recently is any indication, then no. Going up against her should be fairly easy.
Brian Paine:
Cheeky little fucker we got here. Normally with new guys like him with no backstory I wouldn’t give them too much shit, but this guy is quite the exception. It’s not anything in particular he’s done yet so far, cause I don’t think he’s even had a match yet, and his personality is your standard dime-a-dozen “asshole who likes to fight” type you see all the time. No, the reason this guy has me fuming is simple. I checked out his roster page on WCF.com to get a feel for who he was, and listed under signature moves was a Yakuza Kick called “BOOM! Headshot.”
BOOM.
HEADSHOT.
Beautiful. Simply beautiful. I spend years in the WCF with my own Boom Headshot, honing it, perfecting it to the point where it won me the World fucking Title, and to have this no name dude come in and say “lol what’s an FPV?? Boom headshot is my oc don’t steal.” MOTHERFUCKER EVEN SAYS BOOM HEADSHOT WHEN HE KICKS PEOPLE JUST LIKE I DO. JUST. LIKE. I. DO. Only difference is he’s the only one who says it, while I got a whole Galaxy of people who scream it at the top of their lungs on command. IF this poor bastard gets in my way during the match I’m superkicking the gimmick infringement right out of him.
Jay West:
Oh for fucks sake. Another copypasta heel with a superkick as a signature move. At least he has the decency to name it something different. Will he even show up to the match? We shall see.
Jaice Wilds:
This guy actually intrigues me a bit. First off, another “xTreme” person? Really? C’mon, you can do better than that. Nah, his gimmick isn’t what is making me notice him, it’s his words that I’m interested in. Dude straight up said that winning WAR is not his goal. Rather, he’s coming in to put people on notice and force them to recognize him, and to do that he’s going to go batshit crazy and eXtreeeeeeeeeme (I really feel every time I say that word a 90s guitar riff should play.) This guy actually looks pretty dangerous, as opposed to the rest of the rookies in WAR, because he could get some upsets if he goes as balls to the wall as he says he will. Still though, sacrificing your body and your career just for a little recognition is an extremely dumb idea, cause how are you going to capitalize on all that attention when you’re in the hospital eating food through tubes and having your IV bag pissed in by Gravedigger? Huh? This man’s recklessness will be his downfall, but I’m sure he knows that already.
Crazy J:
I guess it’s time to talk about the group that’s been taking the WCF by storm now, isn’t it? Zero fucking Tolerance. Two juggalo-types and a redneck, banded together like a Hardcore version of the Superfriends to do battle with and mutilate the rest of the WCF locker room. Recently they’ve been experiencing quite a lot of success in the ring, and probably the biggest part of that success is Crazy J walking out of Revenge the Hardcore Champion. The man choked out Zombie fucking McMorris. You don’t just go around choking out honey badgers, but Crazy J did. Outside of the ring this guy is just fuckin weird, man. His backstory is just so…out there. I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out he was making most of it up cause he thought “that’s what makes a good backstory.” He is from Detroit, though, and Detroit can make some mean sons of bitches. The fact that the WAR match has no DQs will probably also work out really well for him. But unless he can get his hands on a weapon, I don’t think he’ll have the technical skills to get the job done once it gets down to crunch time.
Jason Cash:
Just'a good ol' boy, never meanin' no harm…actually no, that’s probably a lie, haha. I’m sure Jason Cash means an INTENSE amount of harm wherever he goes. Other than that, Jason Cash does seem like a typical country boy, singin his Brooks and Dunn and getting into fights just for the hell of it. I’ve never been the biggest fan of the country lifestyle in general (especially modern country music. No wonder cities with high country radio listenership also have high suicide rates.) Was never a way of life that really interested me. But I can’t deny the South has produced some damn good fighters, and Jason is probably one of them. He’s by far the most normal guy in ZT, no clown make up, no drug addiction (as far as I know) and no schizophrenia. The man is just an all-natural ass kicking machine. Just like his stablemate Crazy J, however; what he has in raw fighting ability he lacks the technicality. His moveset is somewhat basic (plus it’s got a friggin superkick. So many people with superkicks. SO MANY.) If someone like myself were to put him in an adequately painful submission, it’d probably be it for him. He won’t go down without a fight though, I can promise you that.
Salem Sheppard:
Out of all the guys in Zero Tolerance, this guy is the one that freaks me out the most. Now Crazy J just seems like you’re run of the mill Juggalo, right? Just the generic spooky-ooky-ooky stuff. And Jason Cash is just a regular redneck, right? Well Salem…Salem is different. Salem seems like the most dangerous member of this trio for a multitude of reasons, least of which is that apparently very recently he’s lost his inner struggle to not fucking murder people. To make matters worse, apparently they sometimes happen when he’s unconscious and unable to control himself. Now I’ve faced my fair share of murderers before, but this guy feels more gruesome. I’m gonna have to be EXTRA CAREFUL around this guy backstage. In the ring, his moveset is perhaps the most basic of all the ZT guys, just a few moves most of the guys in the match could probably comfortably do. It’s become quite clear to me that the best way to handle ZT is to not let things devolve into a total brawl for all. As long as you can stay technical with them, you should come out okay. The No DQ thing can be a bit of a problem, but I’ve taken worse then what they’re planning, so if worse comes to worse I can power through thee violence. If Salem comes looking for me in the night though…lord help us all.
CJ Phoenix:
I like this guy, I really do. Comes from Baton Rouge not only the place I made my debut in the WCF, but also my home away from home, basically. He’s also the first ever holder of the Alpha Championship, the former US Title I put so much love into. While I’m sad to see one of my favorite titles go, I will say that as Alpha Champ, CJ is giving his new belt a good bit of prestige already, and making himself a name to know in WCF. Which is good, from what I saw of him before the massive shake up in the WCF he had been struggling for a long, challenging multiple times for the Television Title. This Alpha title sounds like just the thing he needed. Now if he holds on to it long enough and cashes it in, do I see him winning the World Title? Not at all. He’s good, but he’s not THAT good yet. He’s still got quite a long way to go before he gets to THAT level. Now in this match, I don’t know if CJ will be able to find his footing, there’s so many people in this match, and they’ve all got more experience than he does. While he def has the heart to pull a few upset eliminations outta nowhere, I don’t think anyone is seriously considering him a contender to win. Maybe next year.
Joe Smarts:
Funny people seem to have a reputation here in the WCF, people like Biohazard and Tyler Walker. Comedy jobbers, the both of them. It’s a very easy hole to fall into, and unfortunately I think Joe Smarts is gonna fall face first into that hole. I don’t care how good you are in the ring, if your focus is not on winning your match 100% of the way, people will not take you seriously, and your career is going to be dead in the water. Joe’s won one match so far out of three, which isn’t terrible, but I don’t think Joe is gonna move past that. He’ll always be “not terrible.” And I’m sorry, but just being “not terrible” won’t get you far here.
Gemini Battle/Teddy Blaze:
I’m grouping these two together because of their three stages of hell match at the beginning of the show Sunday. The very idea of having not just one or two, but THREE separate matches before you’re scheduled to face off against forty five other people is mind boggling to me. WHY would you do this? It would be one thing if Seth forced Gemini to defend his TV title cause it’s the TV title, that’s understandable. But nope, these decided to do this of their own volition, and for that they’re gonna pay the price once the fatigue sets in during the WAR match.
Looking at Gemini specifically, he’s had a very up and down year with amazing highs and embarrassing lows. The man had the privilege to main event this year’s One, although he lost to Wade Moor and failed to capture the World Title he had desperately been seeking for quite some time. With the DRG turned to ash, he struck out on his own as Grayson Pierce, gaining the respect of the majority of the WCF community. Recently though, he’s gone back to Gemini Battle, and finally managed to get that World Title that had been eluding him for so long. However, he quickly lost it to Thomas Bates, and now here he is stuck with the TV Title. This dude’s year has been a friggin roller coaster, but sadly all roller coasters have to slow down and stop at the end. At one point you could have made the case that Gemini Battle had more fan support than any other guy in the WCF as Pierce, but now that he’s donned the make up again, I think the crowd’s grown…I dunno, apathetic towards him? Now would be the perfect to pull off an amazing win and reclaim that title at One. He eliminated 6 people last year, dude’s a beast in this match and everyone knows it. Which is why I think the decision for him to go forward wwith that Media Match is so boneheaded. There’s no way he’ll have enough time to recover and put on a repeat performance from last year. No. Way.
Teddy Blaze is a bit more…personal to me. Like gemini, Teddy also had another alter ego last year during WAR, Teo Del Sol. Under that mask, he was probably THE Most popular WCF wrestler is history, and his reign as People’s Champion made that title something truly special again. Last year’s WAR was a big event for him, because it saw the formation of The People’s Choice with Spencer Adams…and my brother Vic. By all accounts from Vic, Teo was the sweetest guy ever, and a fiercely loyal one too. But then…things happened.
I dunno what got into him to get so dark and revert to being Teddy Blaze, but something in him obviously snapped. People used to always say “Oh, I’m going to expose you as the shell of a man you truly are!” Perfect fodder to use on guys as lovable as Teo. In the end, it ended up being Teddy himself who exposed his true colors by his attack on Spencer Adams. Watching Vic go from being so excited to see his two friends honorably duke it out to just staring blankly at our TV screen asking “Why Teo?” over and over again was heartbreaking. Since then Teddy’s actions have, for lack of a better word, infuriated me. The way he purposefully ended his reign as People’s Champion, giving that big metaphorical slap to the face to all the people who stood by him, only to get the Internet title in return, a belt that means oh so little in comparison, is disgusting. I know that Vic wanted to get a piece of Teddy himself for cutting as deep as he did, but if I’m standing in the ring with him at WAR I’m gonna be DAMN sure to get my own licks in. At the very least I know for sure he won’t win the WAR match. He doesn’t deserve such an honor.
Sarah Twilight:
This fucking cunt.
My history with this woman is pretty well documented at this point. When Roy Speede and I were scouting out talent for Genesis, we made damn sure we got this Twilight newcomer, she looked like she could make some fuckin waves. Her time in Genesis was a productive one, she was one of the Survivors in the Hellimination match we won, and by association with us became a fan favorite.
Then she turned her back on me, and things have never been quite the same.
After the whole debacle over her and Lillith subsided, she eventually decided to make a return earlier this year. She threw her name into the Trilogy Cup and immediately people began to complain. “Twilight’s way too good, she’s not gonna give the others a chance at winning the tournament and she’s gonna win and everything is gonna suck because Twilight sucks.” Then she lost in the fucking worst way possible to Jared Holmes. I find it really funny, when she initially won the World Title, it was in a match of her own creation called “The Abstract Humiliation Match.” That’s exactly what happened to her at Timebomb. Abstract. Humiliation. It got so bad that Twilight ditched the company shortly thereafter, forever becoming the butt of many a Joey Flash joke.
Now she’s back once again for WAR, after a disastrous run as GM. In my opinion, giving up her job as GM just to get into WAR is possibly the stupidest game move I’ve ever seen someone try before in this sport. It’s not a secret at all to anyone that Twilight has lost her luster from 2012-2013, beating her in this match will be tricky, not completely do-able. No one is predicting Twilight will make any sort of splash, and she’ll once again end up humiliated and probably gone by the time this is all over. She could’ve just kept that cushy office job and this wouldn’t have been a problem.
Oh well. At least watching her suffer for betraying me is great karma, if nothing else.
Kevin Bishop:
So yeah, time to discuss my thoughts on the other big stable at the moment: The Brotherhood. Led by this man Bishop, The Brotherhood looks to be a cult like any other we’ve seen in wrestling. However, I’d say Kevin is one of the most successful wrestling cult leaders so far today, because quite simply, he holds the title any cult leader should realistically strive to get. The People’s Title. My baby. His grip on that belt is a stranglehold, one that I don’t think he’s going to let go of any time soon.
You know what, I’m just gonna say this right now. I think Kevin Bishop is one of the strongest competitors in the WCF today. And no, I’m saying that just because he has the People’s title. Even if he didn’t have that belt I’d say the same thing. Coming off of Teo Del Sol’s historic reign, whoever would come after him would surely have giant boots to fill. People doubted him at first, but so far Kevin’s filled this role perfectly. Him as People’s Champion just makes sense, man. I’ve also had a fair bit of interaction with him at Slam and over Twitter, and he strikes me as someone who is very intelligent who knows what to do in this business, and I have immense respect for that. Do I agree with absolutely everything he does? No, of course not. But I respect him either way. Of all the people on the current roster, he’ss the one I’m looking forward to the most to face off in WAR.
Damian Kaine:
Every stable needs a useless lackey, and Damian Kaine is the lackey for the Brotherhood. Literally the most interesting thing about him is the very fact that he’s in The Brotherhood. I wonder what his role in the group is. Is it to fetch Kevin Bishop some ice cream when he wants to relax before going to bed? Does he serve to remind Psychopomp about bill payments that are fast approaching that Pomp forgot about? What is his purpose? Fuck if I know. Anyway, Damian is self-described as “hardcore. No other way to put it. He will find any way to inflict pain upon his opponent. Whether it be physical, or mental.” But honestly after shooting on everyone for the WAR match this year this description can apply to almost everyone in the whole fed. Welp, there goes your special little snowflake status Damian. And yet, despite wanting to hurt people…Damian’s actually a pretty nice guy! Giving some guy a job as WCF Podcaster, giving Bates his World Title back?! Bwaaaaa?? I’m so confused. I mean I’m glad he’s actually nice and all but…I just dunno.
Dion Necurat:
Holy crap, this guy’s so likable too! Shit, this Dion guy is downright sympathetic! How many WCF wrestlers can you say THAT about? I’ll wait. I mean, for a stable whose leader has visions of restructuring the world in his own image, there sure are a lot of really nice lads in there, it could maybe lead to confusing people, but whatevs.
It’s so hard to find people these who actually want to play by the rules like Dion does, what with always playing fair and never using weapons in non-hardcore matches. That level of sportsmanship is to be commended, for sure, but with people Zero Tolerance and Zombie McMorris in the company, that’s gonna be taken as a sign of weakness, and they’ll take advantage of that. With WAR being No-DQ though, I don’t think Dion will have any problem putting those ancient weapons to use if he needs to. He won’t be a pushover, that’s for sure, but I don’t think he’ll be too much trouble.
Psychopomp:
My my. I liked this guy before he was in The Brotherhood because a. I thought he was funny, and b. he put on a hellacious performance in that King of the Deathmatch tournament. But other than that not much was happening for the ole’ Pomp. Him joining up with The Brotherhood probably did him a whole lot of good.
However, something insane happened on the go-home Slam for WAR. The fucker pinned Thomas Bates. The WORLD CHAMPION.
What was at first a meaningless Tag Team match suddenly now has various implications about the World Title picture after WAR. Very clearly the entirety of The Brotherhood are now gonna be riding on a huge wave of momentum. And if Bates retains at WAR, then what happens at Hellimination? IS PSYCHOPOMP VS. BATES GONNA BE THE MAIN EVENT? Bruhhh…
Now as I say this all excited, I know deep down inside that if that match were to take place the result would be fairly obvious. I like Psychopomp, but is he World Championship material? I don’t really think so. A one on one match with Bates (or Black) would just exemplify that. Sure this one moment in time is exciting and all, but by next week I think we’ll all have forgotten about it. I’m almost positive Psychopomp has already forgotten about it. Hell, if it turned out he had “passport problems” and was chilling in Hawaii when the buzzer sounds for him to come into WAR, I would not be shocked at all. Dude just isn’t championship material.
Bruno Armstrong/Steven Singh:
A silly little curtain jerker feud that started the Slam after Revenge. Steven Singh hated that Bruno Armstrong was using his music, and began attacking him for his unforgivable transgressions. They both still have Kanye West to herald them to the ring, so this little disagreement is probably far from over. As for the men themselves, there doesn’t seem to be all that much to say about Bruno. Nothing about him overtly offensive, don’t get me wrong, he looks fine and dandy, but Steven’s gotten the best of him more than Bruno’s gotten the best of Steven. Even when Bruno has the last laugh, it only with Steven still winning the match. If he doesn’t get an actual legit win over Steven I dunno how well the WCF Galaxy is gonna take to him.
STEVEN on the other hand…good golly what a character we got here folks. The archetype of “rich bastard” has always been one that’s had a home in WCF. There’s far too many to list here, and Steven looks to add himself to that list. But this kid doesn’t look to be all talk though. He’s been backing himself up by being vicious in the ring and almost always picking up the win. Whatever kind of training they put him through at that MMA gym, it worked. Dude is a legit wrestling machine, and in a fed full of hardcore extremists, having a pure grappler can be just as dangerous, if not moreso. This guy could actually be a dark horse to do extremely well on Sunday. Going against him in the ring is gonna be tough, his main finisher is a Burning Hammer (OH MAN HAMMER VS. HAMMER, BLACK VS. SINGH, BOOK IT SETH BOOK IT) and I don’t think I need to explain why that move can destroy people. If I’m gonna stop that thing, my best would be to incapacitate his shoulder/neck area, so that putting anyone up for a Supernova would be extremely painful at the very least. The only way to deal with guys like these to go hold for hold and play their own game better than them. We’ll see this Sunday if my grappling skills are rusty or not.
Zombie McMorris:
Dat Dank Hot Amerikkkan Suckness. This past year seems to be like every year for ole’ Zmac. Absolute domination when it comes to the Internet title, and floundering at everything else. It’s funny, I ddunno if I’ve just not been paying enough attention to twitter, but I don’t think ZMac has been nearly as active as he usually is. Perhaps he knows that he has almost no shot to actually win the WAR match? Has he finally wised up to the fact that you can’t win a match like this by just calling forty five other people “FGTs” over and over again? Let’s hope so.
Jay Omega:
The most recent WAR winner returns to the WCF after a very controversial exit involving the cancer of the WCFF that was the Beach Krewe (I refuse to use that stupid hashtag.) People might not take Jay seriously the first time they hear about him. “Oh he’s a time traveler? Pssssh, yeah right.” Not me. I know better. I’ve been sent to the past, the future, met my future self, and traveled to an alternate dimension ravaged by Pink Robots. I’m not like those muggles who look down on Omega. And hearing about his escapades, I kinda wouldn’t mind going on totally awesome space adventures with him! Perhaps I’ll hitch a ride on that Grimmauld of his, hehe.
As for this match in particular though, I’m conflicted. He’s won WAR XIV. No one will ever be able to take that away from him. But we’ve seen what can happen when people try do repeat performances. Logan was eliminated in one WAR match like five seconds after he got in, and he’s thee only man to win three of these fucking matches! Even if you’ve won in the past, there’s always the chance you’ll lose in the present. And what of the future, now that we’re appropriately talking about time. Is Omega going to try and make an actual fully fledged return to the WCF now that the Beach Krewe has been (mostly) vanquished? Or does his painful exit at the hands of Wade Moor last year sting too hard to make this more than a one-off? I dunno. Let’s just hope he goes out there and gives it a good try, that’s all we can really ask of him. Hell, maybe if I catch him backstage he’ll teach me the secret to being immortal.
Odin Balfore:
Tha MothaFuckin All-Father.
What can I say about this man? Multi-time World Champ. Multi-time Tag Champ. Guaranteed future Hall of Famer. One of the most dominating men in this entire. Fucking. Industry. His tag team with Bobby Cairo is the stuff of fuckin legends, and I’m sure that his partner’s tragic death will only serve to spur him forward like it is for me.
Out of pretty much everyone in this WAR match, I don’t think has my respect more than Odin Balfore. If Odin ends up winning, the new guys might complain about it, but they better learn to fucking accept it. Odin is just that damn good. MY memory might be a bit hazy, but I don’t think I’ve ever actually beaten Odin in a match before. So obviously if it comes down to me and him, I’m gonna be at a CONSIDERABLE disadvantage. Basically, my only acceptable course of action would be to straight up BATTLE with him. It’s the way he would want it to go, and the way it would deserve to go. I’m talking mythological clash of gods type of battle here, some real David vs. Goliath shit. I believe that if I push myself hard enough, I can do it. If it comes down to us two, it will be an absolute honor.
Joey Flash:
Saving the best for last, eh?
There is no one, I think, that epitomizes what it means to be a WCF Wrestler in this day and age more than Joseph Malignaggi. That’s a fact I don’t think I like very much, because while Flash’s in-ring ability just can’t be fucking ignored, it’s his goddamn ATTITUDE that I have a problem with.
When I decided I wanted to come back for WAR, I knew everyone would decry “Just another vet looking to get himself over and bury the new guys.” My goal was always to win WAR, don’t get me wrong, but I think unlike a lot of my peers who’ve decided to come back, I think I’m the only one that’s given the new folks their proper dues. People like Kevin Bishop, like Henry Spearman, like Cliff of fuckin’ DOOM, those are guys that in a few months will be the foundation of this company. I realize this, and I know that these guys can and will beat me if given the chance. That’s just the nature of this company. I’ve accepted it, and will face them head-on with no fear and give them the respect they deserve.
That’s obviously not Joey Flash’s M.O. Nah, Joey doesn’t give a shit about these people. All the hard work these guys will put in towards being the best that they can be, and Flash will merely laugh and say “lol faggot go kill yourself.” The man has the sensibilities of a high school bully looking to pick on those that are weaker then him (at least in his own mind.) That type of attitude is fucking atrocious, quite frankly. If he were someone like say, Jason O’ Neal and he was saying that, everyone would laugh him off and tell him to go back to developmental or something.
No, the reason Joey Flash gets away with this is because he has a natural talent in the ring. Well over 40 wins and only 5 losses in his entire career. I think more than Odin, Flash is becoming the most dominant wrestler in WCF history. And we all know what that kind of accolade has done to his ego. That’s why he gets away with telling people to kill themselves on twitter. That’s why he gets away with taking up the end of Slam to sit on the ramp and go on and on about absolute DRIVEL that makes no sense, that’s why the motherfucker thinks he’s invincible. Well guess what, if Adam Young can sneak a win out of him, any fucking one can win against.
I’m almost positive as I wrote that Flash’s “AY-dar” went off. I find it so fuckin hilarious that Flash has to preface all of hiss promos with “Yeah yeah I know Adam Young beat me, give it a break.” Speaking of promos good lord that man suffers from diarrhea of the mouth. THE MAN. WON’T. EVER. SHUT. UP. It’s quite honestly the fucking worst. When I listen to a man or woman cut a promo, I wanna just hear why that person thinks they’re gonna win. I absolutely do NOT want to have to sit through a man go through his own personal Swimming to Cambodia every fuckin’ week. How do you think that looks on rating, Flash? People pay to watch WRESTLING, NOT SOME ILLITERATE FUCK TALKING ABOUT WRESTLING.
Oh who am I kidding. Even if I bring up all the completely valid points about Flash, people will still be like “lol butthurt faggot flash is god.” That’s how people just are these days, I guess. So that leaves me only one option, personally shutting him up in the ring. He can think he’s got this shit in the bag all he wants. Cause once I pin him for the one, two, three, and I see the look of absolute shock and horror on his face, it will all be worth it in the end. Every bit of it. But is it possible? Is it possible to pin the almighty Joey Flash?
Well, in the words of a brilliant man, any man with two hands has a fighting fuckin chance.
The luckiest man in the whole damn WAR match, Mikey is. Cause after over forty five other people have gotten in and been eliminated, ole’ Mikey’s gonna swoop on in in the last spot, fresh as a daisy, and automatically take the advantage. If the other participants (including myself) aren’t too careful, Mikey can totally steal the victory away from us. He’s got the talent to do it too, dude was the 2015 United States Champion of the Year, and as a two time champion myself, that title usually holds a lot of prestige in my eyes. But looking back to last year after he won, it looks like being champion drove him bonkers. Started calling himself The King of America, and I’m sure George Washington and the rest of the founding fathers were all rolling in their graves at the idea of their baby falling into the hands of a monarch.
It doesn’t look like he’s recovered ever since. If anything, his intense rivalry with Henry Spearman seems to have only made things worse. The man has had a one tract mind ever since this began: destroy Spearman and make him pay for humiliating him in the ring. Literally EVERYTHING about this man’s life has revolved around Spearman. But when Mikey walks out on Sunday, there’s a good chance Spearman won’t be there anymore. He’ll have to fight other men, and quite frankly after focusing so much on one guy, I dunno how Mikey will be able to handle anyone else. Even with that, his advantage coming in last cannot be underestimated. Im gonna have to be careful around this guy.
P.S; who still writes the word extreme like that? Better yet, who even uses extreme as a name anymore? Fuckin’ edgelord.
P.P.S; Whoa now, fresh update: apparently my very presence in the WAR made him rage quit an interview with Hank Brown. Interesting. Very interesting indeed.
Shay McKay:
Why. Why why why are these new signings making the mistake of debuting in the WAR match? It’s literally the fucking WORST way to establish yourself since you’re almost guaranteed to lose. Now with that being said, I will give this man some props, his heart is obviously in the right place, and I think with more standard matches he can be really promising. But this week, with over forty five other opponents? Yeah, dude’ll get creamed.
Lilith:
In hindsight, my relative lack of interaction with Lilith back in the day when she was just starting out may be one of the biggest blessings of my career. By far the most annoying person to ever join the WCF, and we’re talking about a roster with Adam Young on it! Literally everything about her is designed to make you want to punch her in the face. Her voice, the way she talks, her intense child-like behavior, her Twitter antics. With regards to that, I think Lilith has been playing the best mind games in all of the WCF lately. Everyone fucking HATES her, and she knows that. That way when she does win, it’s seen as a MAAAAAJOR embarrassment to her opponent. HOW can you lose to the chick who’s obsessed with teddy bears? Death knell for your career if you do.
That’d be all well and dandy if only Lilith ever actually took things seriously. She puts so much focus on trolling people on twitter that her in ring ability has VASTLY deteriorated. It’s gotten to the point where the only people she’s beating are people whose careers were already pretty much over. Thus the mind games go from annoying with a bit of a purpose to just flat out annoying. Will she be a threat to win? If her level of motivation recently is any indication, then no. Going up against her should be fairly easy.
Brian Paine:
Cheeky little fucker we got here. Normally with new guys like him with no backstory I wouldn’t give them too much shit, but this guy is quite the exception. It’s not anything in particular he’s done yet so far, cause I don’t think he’s even had a match yet, and his personality is your standard dime-a-dozen “asshole who likes to fight” type you see all the time. No, the reason this guy has me fuming is simple. I checked out his roster page on WCF.com to get a feel for who he was, and listed under signature moves was a Yakuza Kick called “BOOM! Headshot.”
BOOM.
HEADSHOT.
Beautiful. Simply beautiful. I spend years in the WCF with my own Boom Headshot, honing it, perfecting it to the point where it won me the World fucking Title, and to have this no name dude come in and say “lol what’s an FPV?? Boom headshot is my oc don’t steal.” MOTHERFUCKER EVEN SAYS BOOM HEADSHOT WHEN HE KICKS PEOPLE JUST LIKE I DO. JUST. LIKE. I. DO. Only difference is he’s the only one who says it, while I got a whole Galaxy of people who scream it at the top of their lungs on command. IF this poor bastard gets in my way during the match I’m superkicking the gimmick infringement right out of him.
Jay West:
Oh for fucks sake. Another copypasta heel with a superkick as a signature move. At least he has the decency to name it something different. Will he even show up to the match? We shall see.
Jaice Wilds:
This guy actually intrigues me a bit. First off, another “xTreme” person? Really? C’mon, you can do better than that. Nah, his gimmick isn’t what is making me notice him, it’s his words that I’m interested in. Dude straight up said that winning WAR is not his goal. Rather, he’s coming in to put people on notice and force them to recognize him, and to do that he’s going to go batshit crazy and eXtreeeeeeeeeme (I really feel every time I say that word a 90s guitar riff should play.) This guy actually looks pretty dangerous, as opposed to the rest of the rookies in WAR, because he could get some upsets if he goes as balls to the wall as he says he will. Still though, sacrificing your body and your career just for a little recognition is an extremely dumb idea, cause how are you going to capitalize on all that attention when you’re in the hospital eating food through tubes and having your IV bag pissed in by Gravedigger? Huh? This man’s recklessness will be his downfall, but I’m sure he knows that already.
Crazy J:
I guess it’s time to talk about the group that’s been taking the WCF by storm now, isn’t it? Zero fucking Tolerance. Two juggalo-types and a redneck, banded together like a Hardcore version of the Superfriends to do battle with and mutilate the rest of the WCF locker room. Recently they’ve been experiencing quite a lot of success in the ring, and probably the biggest part of that success is Crazy J walking out of Revenge the Hardcore Champion. The man choked out Zombie fucking McMorris. You don’t just go around choking out honey badgers, but Crazy J did. Outside of the ring this guy is just fuckin weird, man. His backstory is just so…out there. I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out he was making most of it up cause he thought “that’s what makes a good backstory.” He is from Detroit, though, and Detroit can make some mean sons of bitches. The fact that the WAR match has no DQs will probably also work out really well for him. But unless he can get his hands on a weapon, I don’t think he’ll have the technical skills to get the job done once it gets down to crunch time.
Jason Cash:
Just'a good ol' boy, never meanin' no harm…actually no, that’s probably a lie, haha. I’m sure Jason Cash means an INTENSE amount of harm wherever he goes. Other than that, Jason Cash does seem like a typical country boy, singin his Brooks and Dunn and getting into fights just for the hell of it. I’ve never been the biggest fan of the country lifestyle in general (especially modern country music. No wonder cities with high country radio listenership also have high suicide rates.) Was never a way of life that really interested me. But I can’t deny the South has produced some damn good fighters, and Jason is probably one of them. He’s by far the most normal guy in ZT, no clown make up, no drug addiction (as far as I know) and no schizophrenia. The man is just an all-natural ass kicking machine. Just like his stablemate Crazy J, however; what he has in raw fighting ability he lacks the technicality. His moveset is somewhat basic (plus it’s got a friggin superkick. So many people with superkicks. SO MANY.) If someone like myself were to put him in an adequately painful submission, it’d probably be it for him. He won’t go down without a fight though, I can promise you that.
Salem Sheppard:
Out of all the guys in Zero Tolerance, this guy is the one that freaks me out the most. Now Crazy J just seems like you’re run of the mill Juggalo, right? Just the generic spooky-ooky-ooky stuff. And Jason Cash is just a regular redneck, right? Well Salem…Salem is different. Salem seems like the most dangerous member of this trio for a multitude of reasons, least of which is that apparently very recently he’s lost his inner struggle to not fucking murder people. To make matters worse, apparently they sometimes happen when he’s unconscious and unable to control himself. Now I’ve faced my fair share of murderers before, but this guy feels more gruesome. I’m gonna have to be EXTRA CAREFUL around this guy backstage. In the ring, his moveset is perhaps the most basic of all the ZT guys, just a few moves most of the guys in the match could probably comfortably do. It’s become quite clear to me that the best way to handle ZT is to not let things devolve into a total brawl for all. As long as you can stay technical with them, you should come out okay. The No DQ thing can be a bit of a problem, but I’ve taken worse then what they’re planning, so if worse comes to worse I can power through thee violence. If Salem comes looking for me in the night though…lord help us all.
CJ Phoenix:
I like this guy, I really do. Comes from Baton Rouge not only the place I made my debut in the WCF, but also my home away from home, basically. He’s also the first ever holder of the Alpha Championship, the former US Title I put so much love into. While I’m sad to see one of my favorite titles go, I will say that as Alpha Champ, CJ is giving his new belt a good bit of prestige already, and making himself a name to know in WCF. Which is good, from what I saw of him before the massive shake up in the WCF he had been struggling for a long, challenging multiple times for the Television Title. This Alpha title sounds like just the thing he needed. Now if he holds on to it long enough and cashes it in, do I see him winning the World Title? Not at all. He’s good, but he’s not THAT good yet. He’s still got quite a long way to go before he gets to THAT level. Now in this match, I don’t know if CJ will be able to find his footing, there’s so many people in this match, and they’ve all got more experience than he does. While he def has the heart to pull a few upset eliminations outta nowhere, I don’t think anyone is seriously considering him a contender to win. Maybe next year.
Joe Smarts:
Funny people seem to have a reputation here in the WCF, people like Biohazard and Tyler Walker. Comedy jobbers, the both of them. It’s a very easy hole to fall into, and unfortunately I think Joe Smarts is gonna fall face first into that hole. I don’t care how good you are in the ring, if your focus is not on winning your match 100% of the way, people will not take you seriously, and your career is going to be dead in the water. Joe’s won one match so far out of three, which isn’t terrible, but I don’t think Joe is gonna move past that. He’ll always be “not terrible.” And I’m sorry, but just being “not terrible” won’t get you far here.
Gemini Battle/Teddy Blaze:
I’m grouping these two together because of their three stages of hell match at the beginning of the show Sunday. The very idea of having not just one or two, but THREE separate matches before you’re scheduled to face off against forty five other people is mind boggling to me. WHY would you do this? It would be one thing if Seth forced Gemini to defend his TV title cause it’s the TV title, that’s understandable. But nope, these decided to do this of their own volition, and for that they’re gonna pay the price once the fatigue sets in during the WAR match.
Looking at Gemini specifically, he’s had a very up and down year with amazing highs and embarrassing lows. The man had the privilege to main event this year’s One, although he lost to Wade Moor and failed to capture the World Title he had desperately been seeking for quite some time. With the DRG turned to ash, he struck out on his own as Grayson Pierce, gaining the respect of the majority of the WCF community. Recently though, he’s gone back to Gemini Battle, and finally managed to get that World Title that had been eluding him for so long. However, he quickly lost it to Thomas Bates, and now here he is stuck with the TV Title. This dude’s year has been a friggin roller coaster, but sadly all roller coasters have to slow down and stop at the end. At one point you could have made the case that Gemini Battle had more fan support than any other guy in the WCF as Pierce, but now that he’s donned the make up again, I think the crowd’s grown…I dunno, apathetic towards him? Now would be the perfect to pull off an amazing win and reclaim that title at One. He eliminated 6 people last year, dude’s a beast in this match and everyone knows it. Which is why I think the decision for him to go forward wwith that Media Match is so boneheaded. There’s no way he’ll have enough time to recover and put on a repeat performance from last year. No. Way.
Teddy Blaze is a bit more…personal to me. Like gemini, Teddy also had another alter ego last year during WAR, Teo Del Sol. Under that mask, he was probably THE Most popular WCF wrestler is history, and his reign as People’s Champion made that title something truly special again. Last year’s WAR was a big event for him, because it saw the formation of The People’s Choice with Spencer Adams…and my brother Vic. By all accounts from Vic, Teo was the sweetest guy ever, and a fiercely loyal one too. But then…things happened.
I dunno what got into him to get so dark and revert to being Teddy Blaze, but something in him obviously snapped. People used to always say “Oh, I’m going to expose you as the shell of a man you truly are!” Perfect fodder to use on guys as lovable as Teo. In the end, it ended up being Teddy himself who exposed his true colors by his attack on Spencer Adams. Watching Vic go from being so excited to see his two friends honorably duke it out to just staring blankly at our TV screen asking “Why Teo?” over and over again was heartbreaking. Since then Teddy’s actions have, for lack of a better word, infuriated me. The way he purposefully ended his reign as People’s Champion, giving that big metaphorical slap to the face to all the people who stood by him, only to get the Internet title in return, a belt that means oh so little in comparison, is disgusting. I know that Vic wanted to get a piece of Teddy himself for cutting as deep as he did, but if I’m standing in the ring with him at WAR I’m gonna be DAMN sure to get my own licks in. At the very least I know for sure he won’t win the WAR match. He doesn’t deserve such an honor.
Sarah Twilight:
This fucking cunt.
My history with this woman is pretty well documented at this point. When Roy Speede and I were scouting out talent for Genesis, we made damn sure we got this Twilight newcomer, she looked like she could make some fuckin waves. Her time in Genesis was a productive one, she was one of the Survivors in the Hellimination match we won, and by association with us became a fan favorite.
Then she turned her back on me, and things have never been quite the same.
After the whole debacle over her and Lillith subsided, she eventually decided to make a return earlier this year. She threw her name into the Trilogy Cup and immediately people began to complain. “Twilight’s way too good, she’s not gonna give the others a chance at winning the tournament and she’s gonna win and everything is gonna suck because Twilight sucks.” Then she lost in the fucking worst way possible to Jared Holmes. I find it really funny, when she initially won the World Title, it was in a match of her own creation called “The Abstract Humiliation Match.” That’s exactly what happened to her at Timebomb. Abstract. Humiliation. It got so bad that Twilight ditched the company shortly thereafter, forever becoming the butt of many a Joey Flash joke.
Now she’s back once again for WAR, after a disastrous run as GM. In my opinion, giving up her job as GM just to get into WAR is possibly the stupidest game move I’ve ever seen someone try before in this sport. It’s not a secret at all to anyone that Twilight has lost her luster from 2012-2013, beating her in this match will be tricky, not completely do-able. No one is predicting Twilight will make any sort of splash, and she’ll once again end up humiliated and probably gone by the time this is all over. She could’ve just kept that cushy office job and this wouldn’t have been a problem.
Oh well. At least watching her suffer for betraying me is great karma, if nothing else.
Kevin Bishop:
So yeah, time to discuss my thoughts on the other big stable at the moment: The Brotherhood. Led by this man Bishop, The Brotherhood looks to be a cult like any other we’ve seen in wrestling. However, I’d say Kevin is one of the most successful wrestling cult leaders so far today, because quite simply, he holds the title any cult leader should realistically strive to get. The People’s Title. My baby. His grip on that belt is a stranglehold, one that I don’t think he’s going to let go of any time soon.
You know what, I’m just gonna say this right now. I think Kevin Bishop is one of the strongest competitors in the WCF today. And no, I’m saying that just because he has the People’s title. Even if he didn’t have that belt I’d say the same thing. Coming off of Teo Del Sol’s historic reign, whoever would come after him would surely have giant boots to fill. People doubted him at first, but so far Kevin’s filled this role perfectly. Him as People’s Champion just makes sense, man. I’ve also had a fair bit of interaction with him at Slam and over Twitter, and he strikes me as someone who is very intelligent who knows what to do in this business, and I have immense respect for that. Do I agree with absolutely everything he does? No, of course not. But I respect him either way. Of all the people on the current roster, he’ss the one I’m looking forward to the most to face off in WAR.
Damian Kaine:
Every stable needs a useless lackey, and Damian Kaine is the lackey for the Brotherhood. Literally the most interesting thing about him is the very fact that he’s in The Brotherhood. I wonder what his role in the group is. Is it to fetch Kevin Bishop some ice cream when he wants to relax before going to bed? Does he serve to remind Psychopomp about bill payments that are fast approaching that Pomp forgot about? What is his purpose? Fuck if I know. Anyway, Damian is self-described as “hardcore. No other way to put it. He will find any way to inflict pain upon his opponent. Whether it be physical, or mental.” But honestly after shooting on everyone for the WAR match this year this description can apply to almost everyone in the whole fed. Welp, there goes your special little snowflake status Damian. And yet, despite wanting to hurt people…Damian’s actually a pretty nice guy! Giving some guy a job as WCF Podcaster, giving Bates his World Title back?! Bwaaaaa?? I’m so confused. I mean I’m glad he’s actually nice and all but…I just dunno.
Dion Necurat:
Holy crap, this guy’s so likable too! Shit, this Dion guy is downright sympathetic! How many WCF wrestlers can you say THAT about? I’ll wait. I mean, for a stable whose leader has visions of restructuring the world in his own image, there sure are a lot of really nice lads in there, it could maybe lead to confusing people, but whatevs.
It’s so hard to find people these who actually want to play by the rules like Dion does, what with always playing fair and never using weapons in non-hardcore matches. That level of sportsmanship is to be commended, for sure, but with people Zero Tolerance and Zombie McMorris in the company, that’s gonna be taken as a sign of weakness, and they’ll take advantage of that. With WAR being No-DQ though, I don’t think Dion will have any problem putting those ancient weapons to use if he needs to. He won’t be a pushover, that’s for sure, but I don’t think he’ll be too much trouble.
Psychopomp:
My my. I liked this guy before he was in The Brotherhood because a. I thought he was funny, and b. he put on a hellacious performance in that King of the Deathmatch tournament. But other than that not much was happening for the ole’ Pomp. Him joining up with The Brotherhood probably did him a whole lot of good.
However, something insane happened on the go-home Slam for WAR. The fucker pinned Thomas Bates. The WORLD CHAMPION.
What was at first a meaningless Tag Team match suddenly now has various implications about the World Title picture after WAR. Very clearly the entirety of The Brotherhood are now gonna be riding on a huge wave of momentum. And if Bates retains at WAR, then what happens at Hellimination? IS PSYCHOPOMP VS. BATES GONNA BE THE MAIN EVENT? Bruhhh…
Now as I say this all excited, I know deep down inside that if that match were to take place the result would be fairly obvious. I like Psychopomp, but is he World Championship material? I don’t really think so. A one on one match with Bates (or Black) would just exemplify that. Sure this one moment in time is exciting and all, but by next week I think we’ll all have forgotten about it. I’m almost positive Psychopomp has already forgotten about it. Hell, if it turned out he had “passport problems” and was chilling in Hawaii when the buzzer sounds for him to come into WAR, I would not be shocked at all. Dude just isn’t championship material.
Bruno Armstrong/Steven Singh:
A silly little curtain jerker feud that started the Slam after Revenge. Steven Singh hated that Bruno Armstrong was using his music, and began attacking him for his unforgivable transgressions. They both still have Kanye West to herald them to the ring, so this little disagreement is probably far from over. As for the men themselves, there doesn’t seem to be all that much to say about Bruno. Nothing about him overtly offensive, don’t get me wrong, he looks fine and dandy, but Steven’s gotten the best of him more than Bruno’s gotten the best of Steven. Even when Bruno has the last laugh, it only with Steven still winning the match. If he doesn’t get an actual legit win over Steven I dunno how well the WCF Galaxy is gonna take to him.
STEVEN on the other hand…good golly what a character we got here folks. The archetype of “rich bastard” has always been one that’s had a home in WCF. There’s far too many to list here, and Steven looks to add himself to that list. But this kid doesn’t look to be all talk though. He’s been backing himself up by being vicious in the ring and almost always picking up the win. Whatever kind of training they put him through at that MMA gym, it worked. Dude is a legit wrestling machine, and in a fed full of hardcore extremists, having a pure grappler can be just as dangerous, if not moreso. This guy could actually be a dark horse to do extremely well on Sunday. Going against him in the ring is gonna be tough, his main finisher is a Burning Hammer (OH MAN HAMMER VS. HAMMER, BLACK VS. SINGH, BOOK IT SETH BOOK IT) and I don’t think I need to explain why that move can destroy people. If I’m gonna stop that thing, my best would be to incapacitate his shoulder/neck area, so that putting anyone up for a Supernova would be extremely painful at the very least. The only way to deal with guys like these to go hold for hold and play their own game better than them. We’ll see this Sunday if my grappling skills are rusty or not.
Zombie McMorris:
Dat Dank Hot Amerikkkan Suckness. This past year seems to be like every year for ole’ Zmac. Absolute domination when it comes to the Internet title, and floundering at everything else. It’s funny, I ddunno if I’ve just not been paying enough attention to twitter, but I don’t think ZMac has been nearly as active as he usually is. Perhaps he knows that he has almost no shot to actually win the WAR match? Has he finally wised up to the fact that you can’t win a match like this by just calling forty five other people “FGTs” over and over again? Let’s hope so.
Jay Omega:
The most recent WAR winner returns to the WCF after a very controversial exit involving the cancer of the WCFF that was the Beach Krewe (I refuse to use that stupid hashtag.) People might not take Jay seriously the first time they hear about him. “Oh he’s a time traveler? Pssssh, yeah right.” Not me. I know better. I’ve been sent to the past, the future, met my future self, and traveled to an alternate dimension ravaged by Pink Robots. I’m not like those muggles who look down on Omega. And hearing about his escapades, I kinda wouldn’t mind going on totally awesome space adventures with him! Perhaps I’ll hitch a ride on that Grimmauld of his, hehe.
As for this match in particular though, I’m conflicted. He’s won WAR XIV. No one will ever be able to take that away from him. But we’ve seen what can happen when people try do repeat performances. Logan was eliminated in one WAR match like five seconds after he got in, and he’s thee only man to win three of these fucking matches! Even if you’ve won in the past, there’s always the chance you’ll lose in the present. And what of the future, now that we’re appropriately talking about time. Is Omega going to try and make an actual fully fledged return to the WCF now that the Beach Krewe has been (mostly) vanquished? Or does his painful exit at the hands of Wade Moor last year sting too hard to make this more than a one-off? I dunno. Let’s just hope he goes out there and gives it a good try, that’s all we can really ask of him. Hell, maybe if I catch him backstage he’ll teach me the secret to being immortal.
Odin Balfore:
Tha MothaFuckin All-Father.
What can I say about this man? Multi-time World Champ. Multi-time Tag Champ. Guaranteed future Hall of Famer. One of the most dominating men in this entire. Fucking. Industry. His tag team with Bobby Cairo is the stuff of fuckin legends, and I’m sure that his partner’s tragic death will only serve to spur him forward like it is for me.
Out of pretty much everyone in this WAR match, I don’t think has my respect more than Odin Balfore. If Odin ends up winning, the new guys might complain about it, but they better learn to fucking accept it. Odin is just that damn good. MY memory might be a bit hazy, but I don’t think I’ve ever actually beaten Odin in a match before. So obviously if it comes down to me and him, I’m gonna be at a CONSIDERABLE disadvantage. Basically, my only acceptable course of action would be to straight up BATTLE with him. It’s the way he would want it to go, and the way it would deserve to go. I’m talking mythological clash of gods type of battle here, some real David vs. Goliath shit. I believe that if I push myself hard enough, I can do it. If it comes down to us two, it will be an absolute honor.
Joey Flash:
Saving the best for last, eh?
There is no one, I think, that epitomizes what it means to be a WCF Wrestler in this day and age more than Joseph Malignaggi. That’s a fact I don’t think I like very much, because while Flash’s in-ring ability just can’t be fucking ignored, it’s his goddamn ATTITUDE that I have a problem with.
When I decided I wanted to come back for WAR, I knew everyone would decry “Just another vet looking to get himself over and bury the new guys.” My goal was always to win WAR, don’t get me wrong, but I think unlike a lot of my peers who’ve decided to come back, I think I’m the only one that’s given the new folks their proper dues. People like Kevin Bishop, like Henry Spearman, like Cliff of fuckin’ DOOM, those are guys that in a few months will be the foundation of this company. I realize this, and I know that these guys can and will beat me if given the chance. That’s just the nature of this company. I’ve accepted it, and will face them head-on with no fear and give them the respect they deserve.
That’s obviously not Joey Flash’s M.O. Nah, Joey doesn’t give a shit about these people. All the hard work these guys will put in towards being the best that they can be, and Flash will merely laugh and say “lol faggot go kill yourself.” The man has the sensibilities of a high school bully looking to pick on those that are weaker then him (at least in his own mind.) That type of attitude is fucking atrocious, quite frankly. If he were someone like say, Jason O’ Neal and he was saying that, everyone would laugh him off and tell him to go back to developmental or something.
No, the reason Joey Flash gets away with this is because he has a natural talent in the ring. Well over 40 wins and only 5 losses in his entire career. I think more than Odin, Flash is becoming the most dominant wrestler in WCF history. And we all know what that kind of accolade has done to his ego. That’s why he gets away with telling people to kill themselves on twitter. That’s why he gets away with taking up the end of Slam to sit on the ramp and go on and on about absolute DRIVEL that makes no sense, that’s why the motherfucker thinks he’s invincible. Well guess what, if Adam Young can sneak a win out of him, any fucking one can win against.
I’m almost positive as I wrote that Flash’s “AY-dar” went off. I find it so fuckin hilarious that Flash has to preface all of hiss promos with “Yeah yeah I know Adam Young beat me, give it a break.” Speaking of promos good lord that man suffers from diarrhea of the mouth. THE MAN. WON’T. EVER. SHUT. UP. It’s quite honestly the fucking worst. When I listen to a man or woman cut a promo, I wanna just hear why that person thinks they’re gonna win. I absolutely do NOT want to have to sit through a man go through his own personal Swimming to Cambodia every fuckin’ week. How do you think that looks on rating, Flash? People pay to watch WRESTLING, NOT SOME ILLITERATE FUCK TALKING ABOUT WRESTLING.
Oh who am I kidding. Even if I bring up all the completely valid points about Flash, people will still be like “lol butthurt faggot flash is god.” That’s how people just are these days, I guess. So that leaves me only one option, personally shutting him up in the ring. He can think he’s got this shit in the bag all he wants. Cause once I pin him for the one, two, three, and I see the look of absolute shock and horror on his face, it will all be worth it in the end. Every bit of it. But is it possible? Is it possible to pin the almighty Joey Flash?
Well, in the words of a brilliant man, any man with two hands has a fighting fuckin chance.
I had forgotten how vast my mind was. It had been so long since I had journeyed this deep. And so far, nothing had stuck out to me. Was this whole ordeal nothing more than just a glorified chill out session? A waste of time?
The landscapes began to grow darker, more ominous. Probably the darkest recesses of my mind, the shit I always keep in the vault but never want to bring out to even myself. Steeps angular shapes began to grow from the ground at what could be considered “the horizon” like a chain of mountains. I began to hear noises, and thoughts of turning back and walking back to Super FPV began to cross my mind. Until suddenly, a voice rang out all around me.
Voice: Frank…
I stopped, did my best to be still.
Voice: Frank…you already know who I am…
Silence from the both of us. Who could this be?
Voice: Turn around and face me like a man, Frank…
The debate on whether or not to turn raged briefly within me. Should I bitch out and just wake up back in the Sanctum? Or actually turn around to see what this potential abomination was.
Against my better judgement, I turned around. I recognized the figure instantly.
Baggy clothes.
Long shoes.
Round nose.
It had to be him.
Against my better judgement, I turned around. I recognized the figure instantly.
Baggy clothes.
Long shoes.
Round nose.
It had to be him.
Voice: Frank!
FPV: Switches. Switches the goddamn Clown.
Switches stepped out of the shadows, flashed a toothy (almost too toothy) grin, and glomped me with an unexpectedly tight bear hug.
Switches the Clown: FRIENDO! How goes it, champ?
To be honest, me still being able to see this apparition of former WCF People’s Champion surprised me. It had been so long since I had held that strap (it had given both Kid Phantasm and I the ability to see him after a night on the lake dropping acid), I thought he would’ve been gone by now. But here he was, shooting the shit with me deep within the back of my mind. And maybe it was because of where we were, but in this conversation Switches was asking me some PRETTY deep and uncomfortable shit.
Switches the Clown: So yeah man, what was up with that Darkwater shit-
FPV: Don’t ask me, long story.
Switches the Clown: Oh come on friendo, I’m only a ghost, I have all the time in the world! Tell me!
FPV: No. It was a shitshow and I should’ve just let it be.
Switches the Clown: Fine, be that way. I’ll probably ask Johnny Nova anyway, he’ll probably know. You two still talk, don’t you?
FPV: No. He’s dead.
Switches the Clown: Shit, that doesn’t mean anything. I’m dead and you’re talking to me right now, right?
FPV: Nova’s not a ghost like you. The last time I saw him was when I was cradling his dead body in my arms.
Switches the Clown: Sheesh, don’t get all eeemmmmooooo on me, man. I know you like yourself My Chemical Romance, but come on man!
Son of a bitch. This was Super FPV turned up to a hundred. Then he asked the most piercing question of all.
Switches the Clown: Also if you don’t mind me asking, what’s with all this WAR business anyway?
FPV: I want to win, and I’ve never won WAR before. Simple as that.
Switches the Clown: LIES! LIESLIESLIES!
The Clown’s sudden rise in volume literally shook to my core. It came out of nowhere, shit even the ground began to shake a little.
Switches the Clown: No, there’s much more to it than that, friendo! Stuff you don’t to admit to yourself, am I right?
I fessed up. No use lying to my own mind anymore, I guess.
FPV: And what of it? Wouldn’t you already know about it?
Switches the Clown: Doesn’t mean I’m gonna just up and say it right now. Where’s the fun in that! No buddy boy, YOU gotta say that to yourself. Only way you’re gonna get over this shit.
A long, awkward pause. Switches seemed to grow impatient with me.
Switches the Clown: Well? COME ON, MAN! I DON’T HAVE ALL DAY.
FPV: Okay okay okay, I’ll say it.
A quick, nasty clearing of my throat.
FPV: I came back to WCF because I felt my career wasn’t good enough. I don’t think people give me the respect I deserved, shit I’m one of only SEVEN Grand Slam Champions EVER in the WCF! SEVEN! But I knew no one would care about that, they’d just remember me as “the bitch that always choked when it mattered most, the man who won the world title via a fluke pin of a man way past his prime, the man who joined failed stable after failed stable AFTER FAILED STABLE and who never shut up about people betraying him.” How do you think that feels, Switches? HOW DO YOU THINK THAT FEELS? I don’t want my career to be defined by my failures more than my successes. That’s why I’m coming back. To show those people why I became that Grand Slam Champ in the first place.
Switches the Clown: Ahh, but there’s more to it then that, eh? Something that has to do with the prize for winning WAR, right?
FPV: The One main event?
Switches the Clown: THAT’S THE THING! The One main event! That’s your real goal, isn’t it?
FPV: Yeah, it is. Cause I dunno if you noticed, but I have never won a match at One. Ever. I don’t know how or why, but it’s just never been in the cards for me to pull out the big one at One. But this, this potential Main Event, that could change it all. Nothing would make me prouder to have my hand raised in victory, the World title finally back within my grasp, and snapping that winless streak? People always go around talking about “having their One moment.” Well bitch, I think I’m overdue for mine. That’s why I’ve been trying so goddamned hard to train for this match. I want this so bad. You have no fucking idea how bad I want to win this. And not like Flash, Flash wants to win just to bury the roster and troll people on twitter, he could care fucking less about that One main event! Not to mention Flash winning would be the most anticlimactic shit the WCF has possibly ever put out.
Switches, you don’t understand how much I NEED to win this match. I’ve been busting my balls, taking all the notes, doing all the training, and it’s time for me to step up and actually do this shit! My days as a choke artist are fucking OVER! IT’S TIME FOR A CHANGE!
Switches smiled at me, that toothy grin once again spreading across his face. Was it…was it a proud smile? I couldn’t decide whether or not it was, because before the thought even left my head Switch pulled a 3 inch Smith and Wesson revolver (the same as Heill’s) from behind him and pointed it at me.
Switches the Clown: Finally, friendo. Now you finally understand.
One bullet to the head later and I was awake and back at the inner sanctum. And as the thoughts of my little excursion came back to me, I knew coming here was the right decision.
EPILOUGE
It felt so good to legit wear my gear again after so long. I was sitting in my own little corner of the locker room, doing the last minute preparations before I went out. I had drawn my number earlier in the day, and now was just a matter of waiting it out.
As I finished putting on my wrist tape, I could my phone vibrating on top of my gym bag. It was a call from Vic. I quickly answered, knowing I was set to go out soon.
FPV: Hey Vic, what’s up? A little busy at the moment.
Vic: I understand man, I understand. I just wanted to ring you up real quick to let you know I’m gonna be watching WAR back home and cheering for you, Da Funk too.
I could hear Da Funk pop into the background, the sound of his name musst’ve caught his attention.
Da Funk: FUNK ‘EM UP FRANKY! AND FUCK ALL DA NON-BELIEVERS OUT THERE!! ROCK THIS SHIT!
I laughed. Da Funk never failed to make me smile.
FPV: thanks man. I’ll do my best.
Vic: And Frank, one more thing.
I could feel the agents quickly beckoning me to the stage. My time was soon.
FPV: Yeah?
Vic: No matter what happens to you tonight, I just want to let you know…I’m proud of you, bro.
In that moment, it didn’t matter what the road agent said. I just had to sit there for a moment and take it in. It was rare for Vic to be so upfront with me about how he felt, and to hear him say those words, “I’m proud of you…” it made me just a little bit emotional.
FPV: Wow…wow. Thanks man. I love you bro.
Vic: Love you too Franky. Now you gotta match to win! Get ‘em, champ!
I nodded and hung up the call.
Agent: One minute till your entrance Mr. Venable.
FPV: I’m on it.
I set the phone back down to my bag and stepped into the hallway, and eventually behind the curtain. Remembering the words I told myself those years ago before my World title victory.
I got this.
FIVE.
FOUR.
THREE.
TWO.
ONE.
*BUUUUUUUUUUUUUZZ*
I got this.
FIVE.
FOUR.
THREE.
TWO.
ONE.
*BUUUUUUUUUUUUUZZ*
