John Wayne cant Smoke in Space, Cowboy. (WAR rp3)
Sept 29, 2016 23:47:54 GMT -5
Joey Flash and Earth-616 Holmes like this
Post by Odin Balfore on Sept 29, 2016 23:47:54 GMT -5
RP 3
WAR
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Scene One: Returned to Conquer
( Monologue )
A week has past, we are only a few days out from WAR and there have been a lot of victims that have thrown their name into the slaughter house floor for proper disposal by the All Father. From Adam Young, to those Zero Tolrance boys who’ve been getting stomped on from all matters and means of keyboard shiskabobery- to even more thought out names like FPV and Jay Omega. All these men and many more look towards this match on Sunday night as a means to solidify any illegitimate claims that they have to being the best guy in the locker room. However, more than half of these warm bodies haven’t even been here long enough to shower off the stench of shame and regret that they’ll have from stepping in the ring with me at WAR. Everyone wants to know why I’m back but I have never l left. I have been in the back, on the road, consulting and working with Seth behind the scenes but the company has gone to shit and there are too many pretenders from there to be a true pioneer. My name is Odin Balfore. I have not come back to active duty for fame. I have not come back for a legacy. I have come back to crush the wealth of poor men that stand in my way. My name is Odin Balfore and I have come to lead WCF into Twenty Seventeen
_____________________________
Scene Two: The WAR Tour
Gillette Stadium. Foxborough, MA.
:: I was in Foxborough ahead of the upcoming Patriots game against the Buffalo Bills to help promote WAR Fifteen. As far as I know, I am the only one taking this route as all of my competition is consumed with what WAR can do for them rather than what they can do for WAR. However, I stood at a podium in a conference room in a suit and tie that clung tight to my shoulders an chest, showing that I have not been slacking in weight training and ring work. I always have been and always will be all business, even with my Son in the back of my mind. I need to get through WAR if I should walk through Hell once more. I had reporters from all over the east coast here to for a ‘Q and A.’::
Odin Balfore: Welcome everyone to this promotional interview for Wrestling Championship Federations annual WAR event. A lot has happened over the past week and I am sure you’re all very eager to -
:: A women raises her hand. ::
Odin Balfore: Yes?
Tara Roberts: Hi, Tara Roberts, Maryland Sports Weekly. Your announced return to WCF active has been greeted with hostility and uneasy feelings that the current locker room does not trust you. How do you respond to that?
Odin Balfore: Honestly and truthfully, they can go fuck themselves. I have been with this company for six years and in those six years I have taken and I have given back. Now in my return, one that no one expected I am greeted with glares and snarls as if WCF has become a ravenous pack of Dogs; fine. Then as such dogs, I will put them down. I am not leading an attack or a rebellion. I am simply leading and as a leader, I do not intend to make friends with those who will be under me which is all of the current WCF roster. If they do not respect me than that is their own unfortunate mistake because I will without a doubt, beat that respect into them. Every lone wolf wants to lead the pack until the they are faced with adversity. Logan, Purse, Oblivion, Slane, Gemini and now Thomas Bates; they are all failures as champions. And to those that I have seen on WCF.com begging and crying and pleading, trying to call me out because I failed to mention them, I did not fail to mention anyone or anything I did not carefully consider as important to my goals. If I left out of failed to ‘adequately’ mention a member of the roster it because that person is not worth my mentioning and truthfully speaking, the All Father does not concern himself with the crying sobbing, bleeding assholes of men that will never make it in this industry, let alone WCF. Men like that, men that cry and complain and run to the nearest glass of spilled milk and point and say ‘see I told you’ have no more than a backhand coming to them. Either get in line or get your back broken, both are fine with me. Those men, that’s so you can tell who the real fodder is. That is who you can tell is going to pad my WAR Elimination record. There are a lot of nobodies in this match, a lot of nobodies that think that taking out Odin Balfore makes them something but beating someone does not stand the rigors of accomplishment. Defeating person X does not count towards the overall greatness of person M, Zero Tolerance and the like should take note. To that, my list of eliminations grows and I am telling you all right now that I shall eliminate no less than ten individuals from this match. I will forge a new record that shall always be stride for but never broken. That is what I think about all this hostility; it is just fuel for my revenge tour.
Tara Roberts: Do you have any connection to the returning stars of this years WAR?
Odin Balfore: I do not. All of that is paranoia by the likes of Twilight, Bates and bottom feeding jobbers that I will crush. They want me to be like the ‘invaders’ the guys that have been here before WCF shut down following Mexico but I am not. I am worse. I am THE guy that shut WCF down in twenty eleven. I am the guy that dragged the company back from that brink of destruction and kicked off an official New Era from the Established Old Guard from Gravedigger, Logan and Slickie T. Now I am part of the Old Guard because of how I conduct myself. I am a champion, I am a legend and unlike ninety-nine percent of the roster, I know how to effectively lead this company and I will drown every mother fucker I come across to do so; these ‘invaders’ included. While I hold no ill will towards them, WAR is WAR and the leadership of this company is no laughing matter. Sunday Night is more than winning a match or becoming contender to the world title. I am the only one talking about that dynamic. It is a very real thing that means more than any one person’s glory, accomplishment or return from exile. I am going to batter and destroy with my own bate hands all those that stand in my way from me doing what is best for this company.
Tara Roberts: Are there any other stars in this event that you feel are doing very well?
Odin Balfore: No. Not at all. It is all begging, pleading and bolstering. Its all ‘ so and so is going to win.. XYZ.’ The fact of the matter is that no one on the roster, returning, surprise entrant or dead that has ever or will ever grace this WCF ring has the experience and knowlage necessary to take this broken, mangled, shell of the a company and restore it. I mean, I am not going to endure yet another week of Thomas Bates hold MY WCF World Title. Only Thomas Bates thinks that Thomas Bates is leading this company and as the past five world champions before him can attest to, just because you hold that title, does not mean that you are leading anything – and that is the damn problem. That’s the WCF champion going into WAR, fighting Corey Black, my Rival. Thomas Bates is a failure on every level and in every sense of the word except in the mind of Thomas Bates.
:: Another reporter stands up and asks as question. ::
Brad Garrison: Odin, Brad Garrison. Can we have a response from you in regards to Adrian Archer specifically. He seems to think that everything about you is a sham, that he took you to your limits. Comment?
Odin Balfore: Who is Adrian Archer? What did he say, that he took me to my limits?
Brad Garrison: He did, that he saw the fear in your eyes and that WCF was filled with garbage and that you’re not from the golden era of WCF.
Odin Bafore: He is right. I am not from the golden age of WCF, I am from the Odin Balfore Age ofWCF. I’m from the age of killin mother fuckers less than him for less than the shit that spills from his lips. I am going to drag Adrian Archer back to that time that he thinks was fantasy. I’m going to drag him to the far corners of the map to the far corners of PG, the ones that he doesn’t think he exists. It’s a whole Prose Wrestling, fantasy culture with him and that’s fine. We need dreamers in WCF like him. At WAR, I’ll continue the beating I gave him before. One thing is for certain though, he won’t think Ragnarok is a fairy tale when I hit it and quit it on that young chump.
Brad Garrison: He just doesn’t think that anything you have done or do is real.
:: I take out my phone and start scrolling through it.::
Odin Balfore: I mean, here, lets take a look. Where is Adrian Archer. Legends page? No. Top Ten; no. World Champion; no. Television, United States, Tag, no,no,no,NO! Adrian Archer is no one to be talking shit about me until his name appears at the very top of the WCF alumni list. If he wants to think I’m fake fine. Everyone else in the Dub that knows me is laughing at him and he’s just standing there going ‘what, what happened. He’s not real. Valhalla isn’t real.’ And everyone is fucking laughing because they know I’m going to crack his skull like a walnut and eliminate him from WAR.
:: Another reporter stands up. ::
Kyle Thomas: Odin, Gemini Battle says that hes going to be the one to eliminate you from WAR, thoughts?
Odin Balfore: Gemini Battle needs to step back and realize where he is in his life. I know that everyone in the DUB is going to gunning for me because they all want to say that they Eliminated the legend, Odin Balfore. However, if the best that Gem can do is say that he’s going to be the one to tackle and take me out of WAR, then he doesn’t realize that at my size and strength, I have the obvious advantage. Folks, this year I am making history. Thank you for being here and I’ll see you in Foxwoods for our next promotion.
_______________________________
Scene Three: John Wayne cant Smoke in Space, Cowboy.
:: As I walk through the halls the stadium and out into the parking lot I am approached by two men in suits and sunglasses, real G-men type. Both men look like carbon copies of each other. They stand on either side of me, trying to look imposing, as if one can do such things in the presence of the All Father. ::
G-Man 1: Odin Balfore, All Father to Universe 999-Alapha-7, AKA, Universe Seven.
Odin Balfore: You speak to me?
G-Man 2: We speak to you, All Father. We speak to you in pursuit of Jay Omega, the Omega Man, one of the guardians of this universal sector. Have you seen him?
Odin Balfore: Have you checked the bathroom; I think he’s in there crying. He’s been doing that a lot lately. Dude can fight space aliens and can master intergalactic travel yet cant take a dick joke in a hundred and twenty characters or less. Fucking pathetic savagery. Dude probably sits up at night refreshing twitter and shit to see if he can be triggered. Even though in his case, no trigger at is IS the fucking trigger. If you guys want, I can give you tickets to WAR and you can see me reach across space and time and crack him with Surtrs Revenge and send him into the bleak blackness of Oblivion – the abstract absence of time, not the wrestler.
G-Man 1: It is imperative that we find him, he is wanted to in questioning to a suspicious disappearance – the disappearance of his testicles. In space, the removal of ones testicles is a very serious matter. It takes a lot of guts to do what we do and we need him to be at his best.
Odin Balfore: You guys are really digging at the bottom of the pile, arnt cha. ZMAC is immortal, I would think that, that would be something you’re looking for.
G-Man 2: We actually are looking for Zombie McMorris. An Undying body is against galactic regulations and is in violation of the Spectra-Virgo treaty of 67940. It is a whole technical debacle that we do not want to bore you with.
Odin Balfore: Because you know that I’ll send you like a rocket into the sun. Smart men. I wish you guys the best but if you do see him before I do, can you give him a message for me?
G-Man 1: Shoot.
Odin Balfore: You tell that Space Cowboy that John Wayne cant smoke in Space. I remember when that little cry baby piece of shit was proud to be the owner of an island nation that had legal weed. Now this dude is running and hiding from Instagram while also trying to be a galactic defender. He’s a fucking fraud and I’m going to break every bone in his body. I am going to go up into space and find him. So he better get all the Delorians, police boxes, phone booths, millennium Falcons, Halos, Star Gates, Challengers, Hubbles and even fucking Sputnik. Because I am going to cripple him in WAR and eliminate him. He’s going to push his little space wheel chair along next to Sputnik, regaling that ol’ Vodka Bot with tales of how he used to be something and then through the eather of time and space comes the swift justice of the All Father, Odin Balfore. I am going to connect with Surtrs Revenge and buries your fucking soul in the heart of the sun and you fucking die a painful death as your body mind and soul are ripped from you from the eternal fusion chamber that is this solar systems star.
G-Man2: Thank you. Sir. We’ll pass that along.
Odin Balfore: Wait, hang on. You just cant visit the All Father and go away empty handed. Hang on, I think I got something around here somewhere.
:: I pat myself down and pull out a pack of tic tacs from my front pocket. ::
Odin Balfore: Just hold out your little paw there.
G-Man1: This is not necessary
Odin Balfore: While I still got you guys here, I have a question for you. Why is it a guy named Barry Windham calls me looking for money over a song I supposedly wrote with him.
:: The G Men look at each other ::
G Men: He escaped.
G-Man 1: Odin, we thank you for your time and generosity but we really need to go. If you find Jay Omega, you know how to reach us.
Odin Balfore: Will do.
:: The G-Men walk off. I start to take a few more steps but feel lunch creeping back up on me. I head back inside the stadium and hunt around for a restroom. The restroom was empty except for one stall that was closed. I take to the sink next to the stall and wash my hands. As I am standing there sobbing creeps up from that occupied stall. I would say that it is Jay Omega but since he’s a pussy, I cannot say for sure that it is Jay Omega but a man that sounds a lot like him. However, this All Father is convinced. ::
NOT Jay Omega (Crying like a punk bitch): Why don’t they like me?
Odin Balfore: Because you’re a faggot.
NOT Jay Omega: How do you do it Balfore; *sniffle * how do you get them to like you.
Odin Balfore: Because I’m NOT a faggot.
NOT Jay Omega: But I’m not a faggot. I like women.
Odin Balfore: Right son. You aint a faggot like you aint Jay Omega.
:: Jay Omega explodes in self-pity and salty tears. ::
Odin Balfore: See, point proven. You tryin to be a space cowboy but there not air up there to support your inflated ego. You thinkin that you like John Wayne but you like Johnny Wayne Walker of the trailer park. Truth be fuckin told, you’re nothing more than a seven year old boy rollin’ in a mud puddle inside a cardboard box with fish bowl on your face. Except your family is too poor so there’s no box and the fish bowl is a plastic bag with a crudely hand drawn fish on it. Face it dude, you walked up into the Dub like you shit don’t stink and people saw right the fuck threw it. You walked up and said ‘look at my island and my weed.’ And we were like, fuck you and your face. Then you went, cried and went to outta space and now that you in outta space you want to know why people aint impressed. Simply put, its because you ain’t impressive. You are and always will be a try hard faggot.
Now, you are a faggot with a chip on your shoulders because you won WAR last year. Then two weeks later you were gone. So now you’re a bouncin’ jobber that aint worth the time the company invested in you. The same deal with Jeff Purse. Yup. “Classic”Jeff Purse. Won WAR, had a shit first run, bounced. Classic Jeff Purse, had a second title run and no showed two returns. The world aint got faith in you. Nor does the All Father, and would I? You amount to the very same that all these new cats in the Dub want to be. They all want to be a flash in the pan disguised as greatness. “Look at me” they shout. They are new, hungry and have no idea how to cook themselves some grub. But Gemini will be like “ Guys, don’t worry. I’m a chef in my spare time. I can cook.” As he licks the dirty asshole of Thomas Bates and aint nobody wanna eat that. Guys like you, Archer, Zero Tolerance all wanna eat but don’t know how to hunt and yet all want to try and chomp off a piece of All Father thigh meat; like that shit comes with two sides and a bucket of gravy. But it don’t.
All WAR does is show me how desperate the masses of WCF are to succeed in failure. Only one guy is going to win WAR and that is the returning Odin Balfore. I am a six year veteran that knows this company and what it takes to go the distance in WAR. You, you don’t. Bless you, if’n you could be blessed. But then theres guys like CJ who, want to try. They want to make an honest living out of thing crazy thing called pro wrestling but have to be caught up in the moment of what WAR is and what I am planning to do to it- what I am planning to do to you, Omega. I’m going to beat you. I’m going to destroy you. I’m going to make you back in your busted up Jeep Wrangler and fly off into the space sun set before exploding. Before no one ever hears from you ever again. I’m going to eliminate you, Purse, CJ Phoenix and anyone else who thinks I’m just an old, slow washed up has been. In reality, I have been the focal point of every competitor in this match because they see what I bring and have to swallow that brain of theirs just to get their head out of their own ass. Nothing is going to stop me at WAR, Omega. Not you, not CJ, not ZT, not Twilight, Gonzo.. hell.. not even the world can stop me from taking this event and smashing the elimination record. Then you’ll have some company in that stall as the locker room collectively basks in their sorrow trying to figure out where they went wrong. However, I’ll tell you where they went wrong; they signed on the ‘X’ and didn’t think to check to see if the master of the house was still there. So, Omega, if you actually knew what was good for you, you’d stall in that stall until Monday. Maybe then it’ll be safe to come out.
NOT Jay Omega: R-Really?
Odin Balfore: Nah, I’mma crush your spirit as long as you breath in this company. When people like you, Twilight and Gonzo walk back in and be like “even though I contributed nothing to this company other than my own ego and drama, I’m going to win WAR.” Yah, you do that. You try that. I’m going to eliminate those guys too. They aint the Black Mambah, they cant show up in the fourth quarter with two minutes left and down fifty points thinking that they are going to take the game. That’s what Twilight thinks, you know. Went from failed return to failed GM to failed return. Its like I’m watching Jeff Purse in stereo. I’m telling you Omega, ten people are going down by my hand. At this rate, I’ll hit fifteen eliminations. I am going to hit a record that will never be broken, win WAR Fifteen and become number one contender for the WC world title.. Because…
:: I smash the hand dryer and rub my hands underneath it. ::
Odin Balfore: Like a burst of hot air, blowing away poor forgotten drips that never got a chance to make it to the ocean. Although it is befitting, seeing you here. Former world champion, all be it as brief as it was. And this setting, appropriate. Watching as some of the supposed ‘greatest talents’ in WCF fight for the right to be my next victim as they cower and cry into a bowl of their own tears and regret. You not only cry for yourself but you cry for them, too. You cry for all the hours that you and they put into the inevitable devastation that I am going to cause. Thomas Bates is probably in the womens room stroking himself to the thought of “Bates Boot” and L.O.L, bitch please; imm’a run that shit to the ground, hit him with the Law Maker and pin him punk ass for the belt and that is IF Corey Black didn’t ruin him with an endless supply of Burning Hammers. Then o’ yes.. Me and Corey are going to have a showdown at ONE. A rematch six years in the making for the World title and the road to that rematch starts at WAR with my unprecedented feats and victory that will ultimately lead to ONE.
Because my will is law and that law is absolute.
WAR
_________________________
Scene One: Returned to Conquer
( Monologue )
A week has past, we are only a few days out from WAR and there have been a lot of victims that have thrown their name into the slaughter house floor for proper disposal by the All Father. From Adam Young, to those Zero Tolrance boys who’ve been getting stomped on from all matters and means of keyboard shiskabobery- to even more thought out names like FPV and Jay Omega. All these men and many more look towards this match on Sunday night as a means to solidify any illegitimate claims that they have to being the best guy in the locker room. However, more than half of these warm bodies haven’t even been here long enough to shower off the stench of shame and regret that they’ll have from stepping in the ring with me at WAR. Everyone wants to know why I’m back but I have never l left. I have been in the back, on the road, consulting and working with Seth behind the scenes but the company has gone to shit and there are too many pretenders from there to be a true pioneer. My name is Odin Balfore. I have not come back to active duty for fame. I have not come back for a legacy. I have come back to crush the wealth of poor men that stand in my way. My name is Odin Balfore and I have come to lead WCF into Twenty Seventeen
_____________________________
Scene Two: The WAR Tour
Gillette Stadium. Foxborough, MA.
:: I was in Foxborough ahead of the upcoming Patriots game against the Buffalo Bills to help promote WAR Fifteen. As far as I know, I am the only one taking this route as all of my competition is consumed with what WAR can do for them rather than what they can do for WAR. However, I stood at a podium in a conference room in a suit and tie that clung tight to my shoulders an chest, showing that I have not been slacking in weight training and ring work. I always have been and always will be all business, even with my Son in the back of my mind. I need to get through WAR if I should walk through Hell once more. I had reporters from all over the east coast here to for a ‘Q and A.’::
Odin Balfore: Welcome everyone to this promotional interview for Wrestling Championship Federations annual WAR event. A lot has happened over the past week and I am sure you’re all very eager to -
:: A women raises her hand. ::
Odin Balfore: Yes?
Tara Roberts: Hi, Tara Roberts, Maryland Sports Weekly. Your announced return to WCF active has been greeted with hostility and uneasy feelings that the current locker room does not trust you. How do you respond to that?
Odin Balfore: Honestly and truthfully, they can go fuck themselves. I have been with this company for six years and in those six years I have taken and I have given back. Now in my return, one that no one expected I am greeted with glares and snarls as if WCF has become a ravenous pack of Dogs; fine. Then as such dogs, I will put them down. I am not leading an attack or a rebellion. I am simply leading and as a leader, I do not intend to make friends with those who will be under me which is all of the current WCF roster. If they do not respect me than that is their own unfortunate mistake because I will without a doubt, beat that respect into them. Every lone wolf wants to lead the pack until the they are faced with adversity. Logan, Purse, Oblivion, Slane, Gemini and now Thomas Bates; they are all failures as champions. And to those that I have seen on WCF.com begging and crying and pleading, trying to call me out because I failed to mention them, I did not fail to mention anyone or anything I did not carefully consider as important to my goals. If I left out of failed to ‘adequately’ mention a member of the roster it because that person is not worth my mentioning and truthfully speaking, the All Father does not concern himself with the crying sobbing, bleeding assholes of men that will never make it in this industry, let alone WCF. Men like that, men that cry and complain and run to the nearest glass of spilled milk and point and say ‘see I told you’ have no more than a backhand coming to them. Either get in line or get your back broken, both are fine with me. Those men, that’s so you can tell who the real fodder is. That is who you can tell is going to pad my WAR Elimination record. There are a lot of nobodies in this match, a lot of nobodies that think that taking out Odin Balfore makes them something but beating someone does not stand the rigors of accomplishment. Defeating person X does not count towards the overall greatness of person M, Zero Tolerance and the like should take note. To that, my list of eliminations grows and I am telling you all right now that I shall eliminate no less than ten individuals from this match. I will forge a new record that shall always be stride for but never broken. That is what I think about all this hostility; it is just fuel for my revenge tour.
Tara Roberts: Do you have any connection to the returning stars of this years WAR?
Odin Balfore: I do not. All of that is paranoia by the likes of Twilight, Bates and bottom feeding jobbers that I will crush. They want me to be like the ‘invaders’ the guys that have been here before WCF shut down following Mexico but I am not. I am worse. I am THE guy that shut WCF down in twenty eleven. I am the guy that dragged the company back from that brink of destruction and kicked off an official New Era from the Established Old Guard from Gravedigger, Logan and Slickie T. Now I am part of the Old Guard because of how I conduct myself. I am a champion, I am a legend and unlike ninety-nine percent of the roster, I know how to effectively lead this company and I will drown every mother fucker I come across to do so; these ‘invaders’ included. While I hold no ill will towards them, WAR is WAR and the leadership of this company is no laughing matter. Sunday Night is more than winning a match or becoming contender to the world title. I am the only one talking about that dynamic. It is a very real thing that means more than any one person’s glory, accomplishment or return from exile. I am going to batter and destroy with my own bate hands all those that stand in my way from me doing what is best for this company.
Tara Roberts: Are there any other stars in this event that you feel are doing very well?
Odin Balfore: No. Not at all. It is all begging, pleading and bolstering. Its all ‘ so and so is going to win.. XYZ.’ The fact of the matter is that no one on the roster, returning, surprise entrant or dead that has ever or will ever grace this WCF ring has the experience and knowlage necessary to take this broken, mangled, shell of the a company and restore it. I mean, I am not going to endure yet another week of Thomas Bates hold MY WCF World Title. Only Thomas Bates thinks that Thomas Bates is leading this company and as the past five world champions before him can attest to, just because you hold that title, does not mean that you are leading anything – and that is the damn problem. That’s the WCF champion going into WAR, fighting Corey Black, my Rival. Thomas Bates is a failure on every level and in every sense of the word except in the mind of Thomas Bates.
:: Another reporter stands up and asks as question. ::
Brad Garrison: Odin, Brad Garrison. Can we have a response from you in regards to Adrian Archer specifically. He seems to think that everything about you is a sham, that he took you to your limits. Comment?
Odin Balfore: Who is Adrian Archer? What did he say, that he took me to my limits?
Brad Garrison: He did, that he saw the fear in your eyes and that WCF was filled with garbage and that you’re not from the golden era of WCF.
Odin Bafore: He is right. I am not from the golden age of WCF, I am from the Odin Balfore Age ofWCF. I’m from the age of killin mother fuckers less than him for less than the shit that spills from his lips. I am going to drag Adrian Archer back to that time that he thinks was fantasy. I’m going to drag him to the far corners of the map to the far corners of PG, the ones that he doesn’t think he exists. It’s a whole Prose Wrestling, fantasy culture with him and that’s fine. We need dreamers in WCF like him. At WAR, I’ll continue the beating I gave him before. One thing is for certain though, he won’t think Ragnarok is a fairy tale when I hit it and quit it on that young chump.
Brad Garrison: He just doesn’t think that anything you have done or do is real.
:: I take out my phone and start scrolling through it.::
Odin Balfore: I mean, here, lets take a look. Where is Adrian Archer. Legends page? No. Top Ten; no. World Champion; no. Television, United States, Tag, no,no,no,NO! Adrian Archer is no one to be talking shit about me until his name appears at the very top of the WCF alumni list. If he wants to think I’m fake fine. Everyone else in the Dub that knows me is laughing at him and he’s just standing there going ‘what, what happened. He’s not real. Valhalla isn’t real.’ And everyone is fucking laughing because they know I’m going to crack his skull like a walnut and eliminate him from WAR.
:: Another reporter stands up. ::
Kyle Thomas: Odin, Gemini Battle says that hes going to be the one to eliminate you from WAR, thoughts?
Odin Balfore: Gemini Battle needs to step back and realize where he is in his life. I know that everyone in the DUB is going to gunning for me because they all want to say that they Eliminated the legend, Odin Balfore. However, if the best that Gem can do is say that he’s going to be the one to tackle and take me out of WAR, then he doesn’t realize that at my size and strength, I have the obvious advantage. Folks, this year I am making history. Thank you for being here and I’ll see you in Foxwoods for our next promotion.
_______________________________
Scene Three: John Wayne cant Smoke in Space, Cowboy.
:: As I walk through the halls the stadium and out into the parking lot I am approached by two men in suits and sunglasses, real G-men type. Both men look like carbon copies of each other. They stand on either side of me, trying to look imposing, as if one can do such things in the presence of the All Father. ::
G-Man 1: Odin Balfore, All Father to Universe 999-Alapha-7, AKA, Universe Seven.
Odin Balfore: You speak to me?
G-Man 2: We speak to you, All Father. We speak to you in pursuit of Jay Omega, the Omega Man, one of the guardians of this universal sector. Have you seen him?
Odin Balfore: Have you checked the bathroom; I think he’s in there crying. He’s been doing that a lot lately. Dude can fight space aliens and can master intergalactic travel yet cant take a dick joke in a hundred and twenty characters or less. Fucking pathetic savagery. Dude probably sits up at night refreshing twitter and shit to see if he can be triggered. Even though in his case, no trigger at is IS the fucking trigger. If you guys want, I can give you tickets to WAR and you can see me reach across space and time and crack him with Surtrs Revenge and send him into the bleak blackness of Oblivion – the abstract absence of time, not the wrestler.
G-Man 1: It is imperative that we find him, he is wanted to in questioning to a suspicious disappearance – the disappearance of his testicles. In space, the removal of ones testicles is a very serious matter. It takes a lot of guts to do what we do and we need him to be at his best.
Odin Balfore: You guys are really digging at the bottom of the pile, arnt cha. ZMAC is immortal, I would think that, that would be something you’re looking for.
G-Man 2: We actually are looking for Zombie McMorris. An Undying body is against galactic regulations and is in violation of the Spectra-Virgo treaty of 67940. It is a whole technical debacle that we do not want to bore you with.
Odin Balfore: Because you know that I’ll send you like a rocket into the sun. Smart men. I wish you guys the best but if you do see him before I do, can you give him a message for me?
G-Man 1: Shoot.
Odin Balfore: You tell that Space Cowboy that John Wayne cant smoke in Space. I remember when that little cry baby piece of shit was proud to be the owner of an island nation that had legal weed. Now this dude is running and hiding from Instagram while also trying to be a galactic defender. He’s a fucking fraud and I’m going to break every bone in his body. I am going to go up into space and find him. So he better get all the Delorians, police boxes, phone booths, millennium Falcons, Halos, Star Gates, Challengers, Hubbles and even fucking Sputnik. Because I am going to cripple him in WAR and eliminate him. He’s going to push his little space wheel chair along next to Sputnik, regaling that ol’ Vodka Bot with tales of how he used to be something and then through the eather of time and space comes the swift justice of the All Father, Odin Balfore. I am going to connect with Surtrs Revenge and buries your fucking soul in the heart of the sun and you fucking die a painful death as your body mind and soul are ripped from you from the eternal fusion chamber that is this solar systems star.
G-Man2: Thank you. Sir. We’ll pass that along.
Odin Balfore: Wait, hang on. You just cant visit the All Father and go away empty handed. Hang on, I think I got something around here somewhere.
:: I pat myself down and pull out a pack of tic tacs from my front pocket. ::
Odin Balfore: Just hold out your little paw there.
G-Man1: This is not necessary
Odin Balfore: While I still got you guys here, I have a question for you. Why is it a guy named Barry Windham calls me looking for money over a song I supposedly wrote with him.
:: The G Men look at each other ::
G Men: He escaped.
G-Man 1: Odin, we thank you for your time and generosity but we really need to go. If you find Jay Omega, you know how to reach us.
Odin Balfore: Will do.
:: The G-Men walk off. I start to take a few more steps but feel lunch creeping back up on me. I head back inside the stadium and hunt around for a restroom. The restroom was empty except for one stall that was closed. I take to the sink next to the stall and wash my hands. As I am standing there sobbing creeps up from that occupied stall. I would say that it is Jay Omega but since he’s a pussy, I cannot say for sure that it is Jay Omega but a man that sounds a lot like him. However, this All Father is convinced. ::
NOT Jay Omega (Crying like a punk bitch): Why don’t they like me?
Odin Balfore: Because you’re a faggot.
NOT Jay Omega: How do you do it Balfore; *sniffle * how do you get them to like you.
Odin Balfore: Because I’m NOT a faggot.
NOT Jay Omega: But I’m not a faggot. I like women.
Odin Balfore: Right son. You aint a faggot like you aint Jay Omega.
:: Jay Omega explodes in self-pity and salty tears. ::
Odin Balfore: See, point proven. You tryin to be a space cowboy but there not air up there to support your inflated ego. You thinkin that you like John Wayne but you like Johnny Wayne Walker of the trailer park. Truth be fuckin told, you’re nothing more than a seven year old boy rollin’ in a mud puddle inside a cardboard box with fish bowl on your face. Except your family is too poor so there’s no box and the fish bowl is a plastic bag with a crudely hand drawn fish on it. Face it dude, you walked up into the Dub like you shit don’t stink and people saw right the fuck threw it. You walked up and said ‘look at my island and my weed.’ And we were like, fuck you and your face. Then you went, cried and went to outta space and now that you in outta space you want to know why people aint impressed. Simply put, its because you ain’t impressive. You are and always will be a try hard faggot.
Now, you are a faggot with a chip on your shoulders because you won WAR last year. Then two weeks later you were gone. So now you’re a bouncin’ jobber that aint worth the time the company invested in you. The same deal with Jeff Purse. Yup. “Classic”Jeff Purse. Won WAR, had a shit first run, bounced. Classic Jeff Purse, had a second title run and no showed two returns. The world aint got faith in you. Nor does the All Father, and would I? You amount to the very same that all these new cats in the Dub want to be. They all want to be a flash in the pan disguised as greatness. “Look at me” they shout. They are new, hungry and have no idea how to cook themselves some grub. But Gemini will be like “ Guys, don’t worry. I’m a chef in my spare time. I can cook.” As he licks the dirty asshole of Thomas Bates and aint nobody wanna eat that. Guys like you, Archer, Zero Tolerance all wanna eat but don’t know how to hunt and yet all want to try and chomp off a piece of All Father thigh meat; like that shit comes with two sides and a bucket of gravy. But it don’t.
All WAR does is show me how desperate the masses of WCF are to succeed in failure. Only one guy is going to win WAR and that is the returning Odin Balfore. I am a six year veteran that knows this company and what it takes to go the distance in WAR. You, you don’t. Bless you, if’n you could be blessed. But then theres guys like CJ who, want to try. They want to make an honest living out of thing crazy thing called pro wrestling but have to be caught up in the moment of what WAR is and what I am planning to do to it- what I am planning to do to you, Omega. I’m going to beat you. I’m going to destroy you. I’m going to make you back in your busted up Jeep Wrangler and fly off into the space sun set before exploding. Before no one ever hears from you ever again. I’m going to eliminate you, Purse, CJ Phoenix and anyone else who thinks I’m just an old, slow washed up has been. In reality, I have been the focal point of every competitor in this match because they see what I bring and have to swallow that brain of theirs just to get their head out of their own ass. Nothing is going to stop me at WAR, Omega. Not you, not CJ, not ZT, not Twilight, Gonzo.. hell.. not even the world can stop me from taking this event and smashing the elimination record. Then you’ll have some company in that stall as the locker room collectively basks in their sorrow trying to figure out where they went wrong. However, I’ll tell you where they went wrong; they signed on the ‘X’ and didn’t think to check to see if the master of the house was still there. So, Omega, if you actually knew what was good for you, you’d stall in that stall until Monday. Maybe then it’ll be safe to come out.
NOT Jay Omega: R-Really?
Odin Balfore: Nah, I’mma crush your spirit as long as you breath in this company. When people like you, Twilight and Gonzo walk back in and be like “even though I contributed nothing to this company other than my own ego and drama, I’m going to win WAR.” Yah, you do that. You try that. I’m going to eliminate those guys too. They aint the Black Mambah, they cant show up in the fourth quarter with two minutes left and down fifty points thinking that they are going to take the game. That’s what Twilight thinks, you know. Went from failed return to failed GM to failed return. Its like I’m watching Jeff Purse in stereo. I’m telling you Omega, ten people are going down by my hand. At this rate, I’ll hit fifteen eliminations. I am going to hit a record that will never be broken, win WAR Fifteen and become number one contender for the WC world title.. Because…
:: I smash the hand dryer and rub my hands underneath it. ::
Odin Balfore: Like a burst of hot air, blowing away poor forgotten drips that never got a chance to make it to the ocean. Although it is befitting, seeing you here. Former world champion, all be it as brief as it was. And this setting, appropriate. Watching as some of the supposed ‘greatest talents’ in WCF fight for the right to be my next victim as they cower and cry into a bowl of their own tears and regret. You not only cry for yourself but you cry for them, too. You cry for all the hours that you and they put into the inevitable devastation that I am going to cause. Thomas Bates is probably in the womens room stroking himself to the thought of “Bates Boot” and L.O.L, bitch please; imm’a run that shit to the ground, hit him with the Law Maker and pin him punk ass for the belt and that is IF Corey Black didn’t ruin him with an endless supply of Burning Hammers. Then o’ yes.. Me and Corey are going to have a showdown at ONE. A rematch six years in the making for the World title and the road to that rematch starts at WAR with my unprecedented feats and victory that will ultimately lead to ONE.
Because my will is law and that law is absolute.
