Post by jasoncash on Sept 28, 2016 10:29:11 GMT -5
The Bloomfiel Hills Community center was a cute little red brick building with white pillars that lined a front porch. The grass was always trimmed perfectly and the trees surrounding it seemed to always provide shade.
The inside was just as nice as the outside. Murals of the town in the past hung from the walls. Each detailed how the place had changed over the years. It had started off very small with a little over fifty residents. It was now home to nearly five hundred. Red rugs decorated the hardwood floors
The community center was a very useful place. There had been many weddings and receptions there. The man made lake behind the structure itself was perfect for that sort of thing. It was also a place where residents got together to talk, and on this night, that's exactly how it was being used.
It was a chilly night. Fall was just around the corner, and the nights were getting cooler. A strange thing was happening outside. Even though it was rather chilly, it was storming out. It seemed like the demon who had to have moved into the sky had finally unleashed the hell that was promised a few days ago. It was the kind of night where devious plan were made.
In the center of the main room was a rather old man. He had to have been in his early sixties. He was balding. What hair he did have was as white as snow. He had kind blue eyes. He was surrounded by residents of Bloomfield Hills. Some looked rather calm. Some looked like their cherrios had been pissed in. The younger crowd was the rather calm ones. The older crowd were mostly angery old folks.
"As you know, we have had some rather unkindly people move in. They've made things difficult for all of us.", the old man started. He was, however, quickly cut off.
"Unkindly? One of the shit on my porch!"
The old man looked around, but did not see who had said this. "I agree that they've done some bad things and we're here to discuss exactly what we can do about them, if anything.", the old man continued.
He looked to his right. A yound woman with blonde hair had her hand raised. The old man pointed to her. "Yes Navia? You have the floor.", he said. Navia stop up and looked to her peers. She was a beautiful woman with blonde hair, blue eyes, and titties that would make a young Pam Anderson jealous " John, I just wanted to say that it isn't just us humans being tortured by these animals. Just the other day, one of them was walking a et snake with a top hat glued to its head. Poor thing!", she said before taking her seat. John eyed her. " Yes, I know about that indicent. There is a police report. Now then..", he started but was cut off again.
"The hillbilly one kicked me and pissed on my face!"
" They're dangerous"
"They're..theyre heathens...Godless"
John looked at each direction he heard the shouts coming from. " And the police were notified about those things. He had a video. There was nothing the officer could do.", John said sadly.
"Then what are we to do?", came a yell. John looked over to his left where an old lady who wasn't a day under eighty had yelled over to him.
"Phyllis, I understand your frustration. I say we keep calling the police. Eventually, these guys will slip up.", John said to the crowd. The crowd obviously didnt like tho as they started yelling over one another.
"I say we give them back what they gave us! We shit on their porches. See how they like that."
The crowd went silent and stared at a ver old man. He wore slacks, a blue polo shit and a world war two veteran hat. This man was obviously very old. Suddenly, everyone started clapping. They were in agreement.
Meanwhile, over at Jason Cash's house, circus tents lined his property. There were four of them. Each had very strange sound coming from it. There were roars that sounded rather human, as did the sqeaks. In front of the tents was a stage. There were WCF cameras all pointing to the tent. And even though it was raining, there was a rather large crowd of people.
"Zero damn Tolerance fans...are you sumbitches ready?"
The crowd screamed.
A man took the stage. It appeared to be Jason Cash, but he looked different. Where Cash had shoulder length hair, this man was bald. Or atleast it appeared that way. AFter all, you could tell it was rubber covering his head. He also had a scruffy beared and wore what appeared to be assless chaps. Upon further inspection, our worst fears were confirmed. This was Jason Cash, in assless chaps.
Now, at first, he didn’t want to wear them. It was wind and chilly, and the sky was falling, but he'd stuck to his plan. He was always that way. When he had a plan, he stuck to it..No matter how uncomfortable it made him.
"To those who may not know me, My name is Odin Balfore. I've a tall man with a tiny dick.", Jason, who was obviously imidating Odin Balfore said. The crowd roared. The sound was deafening. "I know..I know. Tiny dicked men like myself are looked down upon.. But tonight! Oh tonight I look down on you all! I am the great Odin...And my thin-ness will dominate ALL OF YOU! Watch tonight..As my freaks with amaze you!", Said "Odin". The crowd loved this as well as they started to chant "Needle Dick! Needle Dick!".
"Odin" could only smile. He then got wide eyes. "My first freak is an amazing! Beware! He's big! He's a monster! He's a serial killer! He's OBLIVION!", "Odin" yelled
In the corner, near the stage was a cage. That cage shook. And I mean it shooks it's ass off as the inhabitant tried to escape. The shaking was no use, however. "Odin" looked on as the cage shook. The roars coming from the cage were quite scary and left the crowd in shock. "Odin" walked over, avoiding the lights and opened the cage. A second went by, yet no one came out. A few more went by, and finally, one huge hand made it's way out of the cage. The person that came forth was quite scary...If you're afraid of skinny, crack head looking men wearing hulk hands. This guy didn’t exactly look like Oblivion. He wasn’t very tall. He wasn’t very big. IN fact, he was quite small and frail looking. His blue eyes were sunken into his head. His white shirt and jeans hung from his body.
"BEHOLD OBLIVION!", "Odin" yelled to the crowd. The crowd was hushed at the site. "I know that silence. you fear this man! Do not worry! I will be beating him with my epic thin-ness at War. But that is later this week! Now? Oh..Now watch as Oblivion...KILLS THIS DOG!", "Odin" yelled. He held up a stuffed dog and handed it to "Oblivion.". Now, This guy was wearing hulk hands to make his hands look bigger, so he had to take them off. And he did so. He picked up the stuffed animal and grabbed the head in one hand and the body in the other. He strained. And nothing happened. He strained again! And again, nothing happened. And so he took a breathe. He tried one last time... and he shit his pants. The smell was aweful. Even fake Odin had to grab his nose. Fake Odin started to puke as "Oblivion" stood there with a shamed look on his face.
"What the fuck is goin on here?!", Came a yell.
The crowd look over to the right!. It was Crazy J and Salem Shepard. They rushed the stage! The crowd went wild as Crazy J hit fake Oblivion with his hardcore title! As that was going on Salem grabbed a mic. "Odin! You needle dicked motherfucker! How dare you try to steal our freak show!", Salem yelled. And with that, he tossed fake Odin off the stage. Crazy J and Salem did the Ali shuffle together.
It was about that time when Jason Cash, dressed in his usual ZT shirt, jeans, and black cowboy hat joined them on the stage. The crowd went nuts. "Yall sumbitches was just hollerin fer that damn Odin sumbitch. What in the blue hell is up with 'at mess? He aint worth a damn! But yall want a damn freak show? Bring them freaks out!", Jason said to a deafening roar. He waited till the screaming died down. "Now yall gotta be quiet! Them old folks what lives round here done bitched to the cops bout us. They want us gone just like them older sumbitches in Wsssf!. And we aint damn it goin nowhere.", Jason said with a grin.
Crazy J took the mic. "Our next freak is one from a different planet. He comes from the planet Nerd and he loves watching Japanese Cartoons. He's Joey Flash!", Crazy J said with a big ass smile. Salem walked back around the stage and into a tent. Loud screaming was heard. It was quite suprising because the screaming was very high pitched and seemed to last for ever. But finally, the screaming stopped. The curtain opened. There was a frail man in a blonde wig. It was a bad wig. It looked like some of the hair was falling out of it. There also appeared to be shit in the wig. The man with the wig was hand cuffed and was being pushed on stage by Salem. Cash took a step back. His eyes were wide. Crazy J noticed. "The fuck is this shit?", Crazy J asked. Jason Cash took another step back. "That sumbitchin Joey Flash done turned super saiyan!", Jason said in awe of what had just happened. Salem looked at fake Joey Flash and then back to Jason Cash. "What the fuck, homie! What's super saiyan?", Salem asked. Jason grinned. "It's when a bitch screams loud enough ta turn his sumbitchin hair blonde!", Our hillbilly hero answered. Salem kind of pushed fake Flash. "So his hair just turns blonde?", Salem asked. "Yup. I used to watch they show when I was a runt. Looks like Flash here got a little too obsessed with that mess.", Jason laughed.
But this was more than just a simple change of hair color. Fake Joey Flash turned to Salem and sneered. "ONE PUNCH!", Fake Joey Flash yelled. And he punched. And he connected right on Salem's chin. Did this even faze our favorite Schizo? Of course not. Salem simply stood there and laughed. Fake Joey Flash put his head down in shame.
"Come on Super Saiyan ONe Punch Man!", Jason yelled. Again, Fake Joey Flash reared back and let one loose. "One PUNCH!", fake Joey yelled. Again, our favorite Schizo just shrugged it off like it was nothing.
"I thank this sumbitch needs ta go up ta Super Saiyan two!", said Jason with a laugh. Crazy J looked at fake Joey flash and then back to Jason. "Them sumbitches can go up a level when they gettin they ass whooped.", Jason answered.
Fake Joey flash started yelling. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!". And it got louder and more intense. Our heros stood there..waiting for something to happen, but nothing ever did. Jason walked over, sized fake Joey up, and booted him directly in the scrotum. Fake Joey flash fell in a heap. "Told ya I was gone kick ya in the dick.", Jason said. Crazy J threw fake Joey flash off the stage.
"We are not done, homies! We still have a freak for yall.", Salem said with a shit eating grin. Crazy J walked over and took the MIC. "Hell naw, dawg. This mother fucker coming up next is my personal bitch. I've pinned him twice now.", Crazy J boomed.
Crazy J didnt have to give a name. Everyone knew who the next freak would be. The crowd started to shout.
"Zmac Zmac".
Jason Cash came out of the last tent kicking a man in his ass. Tho man looked like he'd been dumped in a garbage can as a baby and had made his home there. His lips were chalky white. His eyes were sunken in. His face was covered in acne. He scratched at his neck and face as Jason kicked his ass up on stage.
"Everybody give a hand fer walkin dead! The choked up mad man!", Jason yelled to the crowd. "We got a special suprise fer tho sumbitch.", Cash said. Salem grinned. " What do we have in store for our favorite zombie? J?", Salem said. Crazy J walked on stage with a woman thrown over his shoulder. She looked like an old biker woman. She looked like she was used up years ago. She had the same white lips and acne cover face as fake zmac.
"Oh shit! J! That Lilith?", Salem asked Crazy J nodded and smiled. Now, of course this wasn't the real Lilith. She was diseased but no acne.
Crazy J dropped the woman, who stood there looking at fake z-mac. "Let me ask you somethin, walkin dead sumbitch.", Jason said as he wrapped in arm around fake z-mac's shoulder. "You ever suck some dick fer meth?", Jason asked. Salem doubled over laughing. "Yo homie! You know that son of a bitch done sucked some dick! He got the dick suckin lips.", Salem yelled over to Cash. Our hillbilly hero nodded. "I know. But my next question is different.", Cash said. He reached in his pocket and took out a baggie. The baggie was clear and had a blue, glass like substance inside. Fake Z-Macs eyes got wide. " You ever done tongue fucked Lilith fer meth?", cash asked. Fake ZMac shook his head. "You want this, right? Well yo ass gotta sumbitchin Australian kiss Lilith here.
Let me tell you something. Fake Z-Mac shot at fake Lilith like a bullet. And while the camera didnt show what was going on, the smell was enough to cause our three heros to vomit.
Blue lights mixed with the lights of the freakshow circus. Sirens filled the air as three squad cars came up Jason's driveway.
"Some damn body called the fun police.", Jason said to the booing crowd. " Wasn't my ass.", Jason said.
So Jason met the first car. The door opened and a mountain of a man stepped out. Jason stood fface to chest with the gigantic man. "I reckon them old fellers done complained?", Jason asked. The cop looked down and nodded. "Not much of a talker, huh?", Jason asked. The cop shook his head. "Well. This all legal. Got permits an such.", Jason said as he took off his hat and brought out the needed paper work. Of course it was forged, but this mountain of a cop didnt know.
" It's still too loud. It's time to disperse.", the cop said in a booming voice. Jason Cash grinned and looked over in the direction of the nearest neighbor.
"Go home!", Said the huge cop on his loud speaker.
While the crowd did complain, they did as they were told.
...the next day...
Jason Cash sat in Erik Blacks lush office. Everything was white. There were his titles on one wall. The left wall was a shark tank.
Jason, himself, sat in Erik's white leather chair. The two huge oak doors swung open and in walked Erik Black.
Erik wore a red suit. He walked as if he owned the world...as if he held a secret that no one else knew. The secret was, of course, that he could kill a man in seconds. Everyone who had ever met the man felt the danger. He was like a pacing tiger.
" Get up.", Erik said in his always emotionless voice. " Shiiit. I was just gettin comfortable.", Jason answered as he got up.
"Why yo ass callin me here anyway?", Jason asked. Erik sat down in his seat. He reached in a drawer and pulled out a folder. He placed that folder in front of Jason. "Open it.", Erik said. Jason did so. What he saw angered him. In the folder were pictures. They were pictures of his family. Jason threw the folder against the wall.
"They came in the mail. We don't yet know who sent them. Your family is in danger.", Erik said. Jason, who was staring out of the window with tobacco spit running down his chin, had guessed as much. He knew tho would happen. Sin had warned him, bit he didn't really know what the warning was about. At that moment, he did.
"Darkness"
Erik looked over at Jason in shock. "Are you sure?", Erik asked. Jason took off his hat and nodded. "I done only ever lost one sumbitchin fight in a bar. I'd member the sumbitch what whooped my ass.", Jason said.
Erik turned to stare out at the Detroit skyline. His face held firm, but thoughts ran through his head. Darkness was long dead.
"Leave. I have some thinking to do.".
And our hillbilly hero did just that.
Later that night, as the moon hung high in the sky, Jason sat at a lake. The moonlight glistened off the water. Beside him was a cooler of beer. There were empty bottles surrounding him.
"Yall sumbitches don't even damn it know what's comin fer ya. Hell yall never did. We came in this sumbitch like a wreckin ball. We whooped half the damn roster in under a month. Aint no sumbitch er group of sumbitches ever done anything like 'at mess. Nobody! We done came in a damn it bulldozed the whole damn place.
And what gets me is that son a these sumbitches be thankin they ass gotta chance at war. Like Adam Young. I still don't see no damn horns. We beat yer ass and didn't damn it break a sweat. How you gone win? You can't beat ZT, son! And ta damn it win, yo ass gotta be able ta take us out.
Word is 'at Mickey Extreme I bein looked at ta win the sumbitch. This the same Mikey Extreme that we whooped like a red headed step child? Hell his ass wasn't shit then. His ass ain't gone be shit at war neither. He spossed ta be a bad ass, but his ass bout as bad as a old cripple man."
Jason took a swig of his beer.
" Then we got Jason O'Neil sellin kids ta the Taliban. Hell I wanna whoop his ass just fer 'at mess. Sumbitch gone call hisself a American an his ass workin with the Taliban. Hell That sumbitch better damn it hope the cia get his ass 'fore my ass does. Cause Im gone cripple that sumbitch.
His dumbass aint never been in the rang with any of us....and his ass dont damn it want to neither.
All yall sumbitches thankin yall gone walk off with it. What's damn it different? Huh? It's a fight. If yer ass dont brang the fight every damn week, then y'all's asses oughta just damn it stay home.
Yall aint gone walk off with shit! Half a yall can't even win ninety percent of the time. Yall get that ass whooped more often than not. Yall can't damn it fight. Im lookin at you, Spearman. Yo ass loses constantly. Same goes fer Adam Young, Extreme and that walkin dead sumbitch. Yall gets y'all's ass handed to ya every damn week. What yall gone do at War..cept get in the damn way? Not a damn thang..thats what.
Hell..some of yall dont even damn it know who's who. Odin thanks I paint my face like J an Shep. Last sumbitchin time I checked, my face aint painted. Kinda make my ass wonder if his ass is retarded. He one of them big sumbitches...body growed but his brain didnt? Gotta be one of them sumbitches. Big ole dumbass. I know..I know. He a legend round here and we don't damn it matter. Hell there already been a group of sumbitches like ZT 'fore..right? Hahahahaha wrong as hell. Dangertainment didnt damn it beat the holy hell out of half the roster in under a month.... That's sumbitchin right. Aint nobody ever done what we done. That little dicked sumbitch can damn it try and compare us ta whoever his ass wants...Fact of the matter is that nobody has ever hit wsssf as hard as we did. Aint nobody whooped half the roster in the time that our asses did...An if his punk ass was part of the active roster, he'd already got took a ZT ass whoopin. Maybe while his ass was so called...dominating...maybe he got some brain damage. War aint gone be nice ta that sumbitch. His ass scared as all hell ta be active every week...and now he gotta fight sumbitches he thanks his ass is better than? Fuck that shit. Im gone personally beat his ass.
And that goes fer all of ya. Jeff Purse...Omega..Flash. All yall sumbitches what too damn chicken shit ta fight every sumbitchin week like the rest of us. Yall run yalls mouths like yall big shit when yall too scared ta fight every week like we do. Me? I'll fight anybody. It dont make a damn who ya are. I'll fight ya. And my ass might lose..Helk nobody can win em all..but I bet you what...yo ass ain't walkin away...yo ass gone know you was in a fight. Comin round once a year....Damn all that mess..fuck outa here with all 'at."
Our hillbilly hero smiled a big smile showing his dip in his teeth.
" Just like 'at mess on the twitter..with six dicks in his mouth talkin bout he here ta support his buddy the anime nerd Flash. That sumbitch not man enough ta support his self? Hell we all know his ass ain't man enough ta fight us every week. We know 'at mess. An it ain't worth a damn neither. You gone beat all of us? Hell son..Im gone kick yer balls into yer sumbitchin throat. Then Im gone bitch slap the shit out of ya. Boo boo..yo ass bout to get handed to ya.
Our hillbilly hero took a drink of his beer. He stood up. Then lifted his shirt, showing off his six pack abs. He then grinned.
"Just to show yall how full of bullshit that damn teacher Cliff actually is. Yep...said I was fat. These abs look fat? I damn near got a eight pack goin on here. And this dude says Im fat? Outa here with 'at mess. I know yer piss poor in that sumbitchin rang but you gotta make shit up too? Like how I was talkin bout Lincoln backstage? You ignorant sumbitch, I dont damn it talk ta none of yall backstage. How you gone over hear me sayin shit? My ass shows up, I beat the holy hell out of who the hell ever it is that Seth sumbitchin put in front of me..and I leave. My ass ain't around fer you ta overhear me sayin shit. Hell son..Aint there a name fer it? When ya gotta make shit up ta get friends? Ta feel good bout herself? There gotta be..an yo ass prolly got it.
And since yer dumbass makin shit up..Ya prolly liein bout how ya thank ya gone win War too? Beboppin round here talkin bout "Im gone win"....You aint gone do shit. You a damn teacher, son. Bout time ya stop tellin herself you a rassler... Bout damn time ya stop tellin herself yer tough. You aint. You a liein ass punk. An after War? You gone be a liein ass punk with a size fourteen boot up his ass..Cause my ass is gone put a boot up yer ass. Yo ass can't honestly tell me that you believer yer own bullshit. What you gone try next? Huh? Tell me I gotta drank in problem? Only drank in problem I ever had was when my ass ran outs beer.
Fact of the matter is that you too full of shit. I'd say yer full of bitch..but yo ass ain't got no room fer that. Hell naw..Too much bullshit. Now..I know..Ya had a good run. Ya won a couple matches. Whoopty fuckin do. You gone GIT yer ass whooped. Ya liein bag of dicks.
Is you even a teacher? Hell yo ass might be makin that mess up too. Hell what else is you makin up? You really a man? Hell, is you really human? Is you is or is you ain't a twelve year old boy? See what you done did? Yo ass make shit up, brangs questions bout everything you are.
What in the world is wssf comin to? We got ZMac goin down on Lilith. We got At At At runnin away like a dog...we got Clifford here liein his ass off. Sumbitches wife prolly wishes is ass was like pinochio. He liein...dick gettin bigger with each one. Maybe then shed be happy..but she aint. We got Battle talkin bout how ZT needs a leader. Hell, ZT done dominated ever here we ever been...Aint never had no leader. Dont damn I need one now. Never gone have one.
An what yall just ain't damn it understandin is that war is hell. Yo ass gotta be tough ta fight in a war. And aint none of yall sumbitches tough enough ta fight a sumbitchin war. Yall might thank yall are..buts lets face them facts..Yall piss poor sumbitches can't damn win singles matches half the damn time. Yall gone beat the whole roster? Hell naw. Got Adam Young talkin bout leading wssf against them old vets. Uhhh..the hell? When was the last sumbitchin time Adam Young won a fight? Huh? My ass ain't seen that sumbitch win a fight since we been here? And he gone lead the sumbitchin fight? Stop that bullshit right damn it now.
Aint none of yall gone damn it walk off with it. Might as well call this sumbitch ZT wins War."
Our hillbilly hero turned up his drink. He threw the empty bottle into the lake.
Scene fades
The inside was just as nice as the outside. Murals of the town in the past hung from the walls. Each detailed how the place had changed over the years. It had started off very small with a little over fifty residents. It was now home to nearly five hundred. Red rugs decorated the hardwood floors
The community center was a very useful place. There had been many weddings and receptions there. The man made lake behind the structure itself was perfect for that sort of thing. It was also a place where residents got together to talk, and on this night, that's exactly how it was being used.
It was a chilly night. Fall was just around the corner, and the nights were getting cooler. A strange thing was happening outside. Even though it was rather chilly, it was storming out. It seemed like the demon who had to have moved into the sky had finally unleashed the hell that was promised a few days ago. It was the kind of night where devious plan were made.
In the center of the main room was a rather old man. He had to have been in his early sixties. He was balding. What hair he did have was as white as snow. He had kind blue eyes. He was surrounded by residents of Bloomfield Hills. Some looked rather calm. Some looked like their cherrios had been pissed in. The younger crowd was the rather calm ones. The older crowd were mostly angery old folks.
"As you know, we have had some rather unkindly people move in. They've made things difficult for all of us.", the old man started. He was, however, quickly cut off.
"Unkindly? One of the shit on my porch!"
The old man looked around, but did not see who had said this. "I agree that they've done some bad things and we're here to discuss exactly what we can do about them, if anything.", the old man continued.
He looked to his right. A yound woman with blonde hair had her hand raised. The old man pointed to her. "Yes Navia? You have the floor.", he said. Navia stop up and looked to her peers. She was a beautiful woman with blonde hair, blue eyes, and titties that would make a young Pam Anderson jealous " John, I just wanted to say that it isn't just us humans being tortured by these animals. Just the other day, one of them was walking a et snake with a top hat glued to its head. Poor thing!", she said before taking her seat. John eyed her. " Yes, I know about that indicent. There is a police report. Now then..", he started but was cut off again.
"The hillbilly one kicked me and pissed on my face!"
" They're dangerous"
"They're..theyre heathens...Godless"
John looked at each direction he heard the shouts coming from. " And the police were notified about those things. He had a video. There was nothing the officer could do.", John said sadly.
"Then what are we to do?", came a yell. John looked over to his left where an old lady who wasn't a day under eighty had yelled over to him.
"Phyllis, I understand your frustration. I say we keep calling the police. Eventually, these guys will slip up.", John said to the crowd. The crowd obviously didnt like tho as they started yelling over one another.
"I say we give them back what they gave us! We shit on their porches. See how they like that."
The crowd went silent and stared at a ver old man. He wore slacks, a blue polo shit and a world war two veteran hat. This man was obviously very old. Suddenly, everyone started clapping. They were in agreement.
Meanwhile, over at Jason Cash's house, circus tents lined his property. There were four of them. Each had very strange sound coming from it. There were roars that sounded rather human, as did the sqeaks. In front of the tents was a stage. There were WCF cameras all pointing to the tent. And even though it was raining, there was a rather large crowd of people.
"Zero damn Tolerance fans...are you sumbitches ready?"
The crowd screamed.
A man took the stage. It appeared to be Jason Cash, but he looked different. Where Cash had shoulder length hair, this man was bald. Or atleast it appeared that way. AFter all, you could tell it was rubber covering his head. He also had a scruffy beared and wore what appeared to be assless chaps. Upon further inspection, our worst fears were confirmed. This was Jason Cash, in assless chaps.
Now, at first, he didn’t want to wear them. It was wind and chilly, and the sky was falling, but he'd stuck to his plan. He was always that way. When he had a plan, he stuck to it..No matter how uncomfortable it made him.
"To those who may not know me, My name is Odin Balfore. I've a tall man with a tiny dick.", Jason, who was obviously imidating Odin Balfore said. The crowd roared. The sound was deafening. "I know..I know. Tiny dicked men like myself are looked down upon.. But tonight! Oh tonight I look down on you all! I am the great Odin...And my thin-ness will dominate ALL OF YOU! Watch tonight..As my freaks with amaze you!", Said "Odin". The crowd loved this as well as they started to chant "Needle Dick! Needle Dick!".
"Odin" could only smile. He then got wide eyes. "My first freak is an amazing! Beware! He's big! He's a monster! He's a serial killer! He's OBLIVION!", "Odin" yelled
In the corner, near the stage was a cage. That cage shook. And I mean it shooks it's ass off as the inhabitant tried to escape. The shaking was no use, however. "Odin" looked on as the cage shook. The roars coming from the cage were quite scary and left the crowd in shock. "Odin" walked over, avoiding the lights and opened the cage. A second went by, yet no one came out. A few more went by, and finally, one huge hand made it's way out of the cage. The person that came forth was quite scary...If you're afraid of skinny, crack head looking men wearing hulk hands. This guy didn’t exactly look like Oblivion. He wasn’t very tall. He wasn’t very big. IN fact, he was quite small and frail looking. His blue eyes were sunken into his head. His white shirt and jeans hung from his body.
"BEHOLD OBLIVION!", "Odin" yelled to the crowd. The crowd was hushed at the site. "I know that silence. you fear this man! Do not worry! I will be beating him with my epic thin-ness at War. But that is later this week! Now? Oh..Now watch as Oblivion...KILLS THIS DOG!", "Odin" yelled. He held up a stuffed dog and handed it to "Oblivion.". Now, This guy was wearing hulk hands to make his hands look bigger, so he had to take them off. And he did so. He picked up the stuffed animal and grabbed the head in one hand and the body in the other. He strained. And nothing happened. He strained again! And again, nothing happened. And so he took a breathe. He tried one last time... and he shit his pants. The smell was aweful. Even fake Odin had to grab his nose. Fake Odin started to puke as "Oblivion" stood there with a shamed look on his face.
"What the fuck is goin on here?!", Came a yell.
The crowd look over to the right!. It was Crazy J and Salem Shepard. They rushed the stage! The crowd went wild as Crazy J hit fake Oblivion with his hardcore title! As that was going on Salem grabbed a mic. "Odin! You needle dicked motherfucker! How dare you try to steal our freak show!", Salem yelled. And with that, he tossed fake Odin off the stage. Crazy J and Salem did the Ali shuffle together.
It was about that time when Jason Cash, dressed in his usual ZT shirt, jeans, and black cowboy hat joined them on the stage. The crowd went nuts. "Yall sumbitches was just hollerin fer that damn Odin sumbitch. What in the blue hell is up with 'at mess? He aint worth a damn! But yall want a damn freak show? Bring them freaks out!", Jason said to a deafening roar. He waited till the screaming died down. "Now yall gotta be quiet! Them old folks what lives round here done bitched to the cops bout us. They want us gone just like them older sumbitches in Wsssf!. And we aint damn it goin nowhere.", Jason said with a grin.
Crazy J took the mic. "Our next freak is one from a different planet. He comes from the planet Nerd and he loves watching Japanese Cartoons. He's Joey Flash!", Crazy J said with a big ass smile. Salem walked back around the stage and into a tent. Loud screaming was heard. It was quite suprising because the screaming was very high pitched and seemed to last for ever. But finally, the screaming stopped. The curtain opened. There was a frail man in a blonde wig. It was a bad wig. It looked like some of the hair was falling out of it. There also appeared to be shit in the wig. The man with the wig was hand cuffed and was being pushed on stage by Salem. Cash took a step back. His eyes were wide. Crazy J noticed. "The fuck is this shit?", Crazy J asked. Jason Cash took another step back. "That sumbitchin Joey Flash done turned super saiyan!", Jason said in awe of what had just happened. Salem looked at fake Joey Flash and then back to Jason Cash. "What the fuck, homie! What's super saiyan?", Salem asked. Jason grinned. "It's when a bitch screams loud enough ta turn his sumbitchin hair blonde!", Our hillbilly hero answered. Salem kind of pushed fake Flash. "So his hair just turns blonde?", Salem asked. "Yup. I used to watch they show when I was a runt. Looks like Flash here got a little too obsessed with that mess.", Jason laughed.
But this was more than just a simple change of hair color. Fake Joey Flash turned to Salem and sneered. "ONE PUNCH!", Fake Joey Flash yelled. And he punched. And he connected right on Salem's chin. Did this even faze our favorite Schizo? Of course not. Salem simply stood there and laughed. Fake Joey Flash put his head down in shame.
"Come on Super Saiyan ONe Punch Man!", Jason yelled. Again, Fake Joey Flash reared back and let one loose. "One PUNCH!", fake Joey yelled. Again, our favorite Schizo just shrugged it off like it was nothing.
"I thank this sumbitch needs ta go up ta Super Saiyan two!", said Jason with a laugh. Crazy J looked at fake Joey flash and then back to Jason. "Them sumbitches can go up a level when they gettin they ass whooped.", Jason answered.
Fake Joey flash started yelling. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!". And it got louder and more intense. Our heros stood there..waiting for something to happen, but nothing ever did. Jason walked over, sized fake Joey up, and booted him directly in the scrotum. Fake Joey flash fell in a heap. "Told ya I was gone kick ya in the dick.", Jason said. Crazy J threw fake Joey flash off the stage.
"We are not done, homies! We still have a freak for yall.", Salem said with a shit eating grin. Crazy J walked over and took the MIC. "Hell naw, dawg. This mother fucker coming up next is my personal bitch. I've pinned him twice now.", Crazy J boomed.
Crazy J didnt have to give a name. Everyone knew who the next freak would be. The crowd started to shout.
"Zmac Zmac".
Jason Cash came out of the last tent kicking a man in his ass. Tho man looked like he'd been dumped in a garbage can as a baby and had made his home there. His lips were chalky white. His eyes were sunken in. His face was covered in acne. He scratched at his neck and face as Jason kicked his ass up on stage.
"Everybody give a hand fer walkin dead! The choked up mad man!", Jason yelled to the crowd. "We got a special suprise fer tho sumbitch.", Cash said. Salem grinned. " What do we have in store for our favorite zombie? J?", Salem said. Crazy J walked on stage with a woman thrown over his shoulder. She looked like an old biker woman. She looked like she was used up years ago. She had the same white lips and acne cover face as fake zmac.
"Oh shit! J! That Lilith?", Salem asked Crazy J nodded and smiled. Now, of course this wasn't the real Lilith. She was diseased but no acne.
Crazy J dropped the woman, who stood there looking at fake z-mac. "Let me ask you somethin, walkin dead sumbitch.", Jason said as he wrapped in arm around fake z-mac's shoulder. "You ever suck some dick fer meth?", Jason asked. Salem doubled over laughing. "Yo homie! You know that son of a bitch done sucked some dick! He got the dick suckin lips.", Salem yelled over to Cash. Our hillbilly hero nodded. "I know. But my next question is different.", Cash said. He reached in his pocket and took out a baggie. The baggie was clear and had a blue, glass like substance inside. Fake Z-Macs eyes got wide. " You ever done tongue fucked Lilith fer meth?", cash asked. Fake ZMac shook his head. "You want this, right? Well yo ass gotta sumbitchin Australian kiss Lilith here.
Let me tell you something. Fake Z-Mac shot at fake Lilith like a bullet. And while the camera didnt show what was going on, the smell was enough to cause our three heros to vomit.
Blue lights mixed with the lights of the freakshow circus. Sirens filled the air as three squad cars came up Jason's driveway.
"Some damn body called the fun police.", Jason said to the booing crowd. " Wasn't my ass.", Jason said.
So Jason met the first car. The door opened and a mountain of a man stepped out. Jason stood fface to chest with the gigantic man. "I reckon them old fellers done complained?", Jason asked. The cop looked down and nodded. "Not much of a talker, huh?", Jason asked. The cop shook his head. "Well. This all legal. Got permits an such.", Jason said as he took off his hat and brought out the needed paper work. Of course it was forged, but this mountain of a cop didnt know.
" It's still too loud. It's time to disperse.", the cop said in a booming voice. Jason Cash grinned and looked over in the direction of the nearest neighbor.
"Go home!", Said the huge cop on his loud speaker.
While the crowd did complain, they did as they were told.
...the next day...
Jason Cash sat in Erik Blacks lush office. Everything was white. There were his titles on one wall. The left wall was a shark tank.
Jason, himself, sat in Erik's white leather chair. The two huge oak doors swung open and in walked Erik Black.
Erik wore a red suit. He walked as if he owned the world...as if he held a secret that no one else knew. The secret was, of course, that he could kill a man in seconds. Everyone who had ever met the man felt the danger. He was like a pacing tiger.
" Get up.", Erik said in his always emotionless voice. " Shiiit. I was just gettin comfortable.", Jason answered as he got up.
"Why yo ass callin me here anyway?", Jason asked. Erik sat down in his seat. He reached in a drawer and pulled out a folder. He placed that folder in front of Jason. "Open it.", Erik said. Jason did so. What he saw angered him. In the folder were pictures. They were pictures of his family. Jason threw the folder against the wall.
"They came in the mail. We don't yet know who sent them. Your family is in danger.", Erik said. Jason, who was staring out of the window with tobacco spit running down his chin, had guessed as much. He knew tho would happen. Sin had warned him, bit he didn't really know what the warning was about. At that moment, he did.
"Darkness"
Erik looked over at Jason in shock. "Are you sure?", Erik asked. Jason took off his hat and nodded. "I done only ever lost one sumbitchin fight in a bar. I'd member the sumbitch what whooped my ass.", Jason said.
Erik turned to stare out at the Detroit skyline. His face held firm, but thoughts ran through his head. Darkness was long dead.
"Leave. I have some thinking to do.".
And our hillbilly hero did just that.
Later that night, as the moon hung high in the sky, Jason sat at a lake. The moonlight glistened off the water. Beside him was a cooler of beer. There were empty bottles surrounding him.
"Yall sumbitches don't even damn it know what's comin fer ya. Hell yall never did. We came in this sumbitch like a wreckin ball. We whooped half the damn roster in under a month. Aint no sumbitch er group of sumbitches ever done anything like 'at mess. Nobody! We done came in a damn it bulldozed the whole damn place.
And what gets me is that son a these sumbitches be thankin they ass gotta chance at war. Like Adam Young. I still don't see no damn horns. We beat yer ass and didn't damn it break a sweat. How you gone win? You can't beat ZT, son! And ta damn it win, yo ass gotta be able ta take us out.
Word is 'at Mickey Extreme I bein looked at ta win the sumbitch. This the same Mikey Extreme that we whooped like a red headed step child? Hell his ass wasn't shit then. His ass ain't gone be shit at war neither. He spossed ta be a bad ass, but his ass bout as bad as a old cripple man."
Jason took a swig of his beer.
" Then we got Jason O'Neil sellin kids ta the Taliban. Hell I wanna whoop his ass just fer 'at mess. Sumbitch gone call hisself a American an his ass workin with the Taliban. Hell That sumbitch better damn it hope the cia get his ass 'fore my ass does. Cause Im gone cripple that sumbitch.
His dumbass aint never been in the rang with any of us....and his ass dont damn it want to neither.
All yall sumbitches thankin yall gone walk off with it. What's damn it different? Huh? It's a fight. If yer ass dont brang the fight every damn week, then y'all's asses oughta just damn it stay home.
Yall aint gone walk off with shit! Half a yall can't even win ninety percent of the time. Yall get that ass whooped more often than not. Yall can't damn it fight. Im lookin at you, Spearman. Yo ass loses constantly. Same goes fer Adam Young, Extreme and that walkin dead sumbitch. Yall gets y'all's ass handed to ya every damn week. What yall gone do at War..cept get in the damn way? Not a damn thang..thats what.
Hell..some of yall dont even damn it know who's who. Odin thanks I paint my face like J an Shep. Last sumbitchin time I checked, my face aint painted. Kinda make my ass wonder if his ass is retarded. He one of them big sumbitches...body growed but his brain didnt? Gotta be one of them sumbitches. Big ole dumbass. I know..I know. He a legend round here and we don't damn it matter. Hell there already been a group of sumbitches like ZT 'fore..right? Hahahahaha wrong as hell. Dangertainment didnt damn it beat the holy hell out of half the roster in under a month.... That's sumbitchin right. Aint nobody ever done what we done. That little dicked sumbitch can damn it try and compare us ta whoever his ass wants...Fact of the matter is that nobody has ever hit wsssf as hard as we did. Aint nobody whooped half the roster in the time that our asses did...An if his punk ass was part of the active roster, he'd already got took a ZT ass whoopin. Maybe while his ass was so called...dominating...maybe he got some brain damage. War aint gone be nice ta that sumbitch. His ass scared as all hell ta be active every week...and now he gotta fight sumbitches he thanks his ass is better than? Fuck that shit. Im gone personally beat his ass.
And that goes fer all of ya. Jeff Purse...Omega..Flash. All yall sumbitches what too damn chicken shit ta fight every sumbitchin week like the rest of us. Yall run yalls mouths like yall big shit when yall too scared ta fight every week like we do. Me? I'll fight anybody. It dont make a damn who ya are. I'll fight ya. And my ass might lose..Helk nobody can win em all..but I bet you what...yo ass ain't walkin away...yo ass gone know you was in a fight. Comin round once a year....Damn all that mess..fuck outa here with all 'at."
Our hillbilly hero smiled a big smile showing his dip in his teeth.
" Just like 'at mess on the twitter..with six dicks in his mouth talkin bout he here ta support his buddy the anime nerd Flash. That sumbitch not man enough ta support his self? Hell we all know his ass ain't man enough ta fight us every week. We know 'at mess. An it ain't worth a damn neither. You gone beat all of us? Hell son..Im gone kick yer balls into yer sumbitchin throat. Then Im gone bitch slap the shit out of ya. Boo boo..yo ass bout to get handed to ya.
Our hillbilly hero took a drink of his beer. He stood up. Then lifted his shirt, showing off his six pack abs. He then grinned.
"Just to show yall how full of bullshit that damn teacher Cliff actually is. Yep...said I was fat. These abs look fat? I damn near got a eight pack goin on here. And this dude says Im fat? Outa here with 'at mess. I know yer piss poor in that sumbitchin rang but you gotta make shit up too? Like how I was talkin bout Lincoln backstage? You ignorant sumbitch, I dont damn it talk ta none of yall backstage. How you gone over hear me sayin shit? My ass shows up, I beat the holy hell out of who the hell ever it is that Seth sumbitchin put in front of me..and I leave. My ass ain't around fer you ta overhear me sayin shit. Hell son..Aint there a name fer it? When ya gotta make shit up ta get friends? Ta feel good bout herself? There gotta be..an yo ass prolly got it.
And since yer dumbass makin shit up..Ya prolly liein bout how ya thank ya gone win War too? Beboppin round here talkin bout "Im gone win"....You aint gone do shit. You a damn teacher, son. Bout time ya stop tellin herself you a rassler... Bout damn time ya stop tellin herself yer tough. You aint. You a liein ass punk. An after War? You gone be a liein ass punk with a size fourteen boot up his ass..Cause my ass is gone put a boot up yer ass. Yo ass can't honestly tell me that you believer yer own bullshit. What you gone try next? Huh? Tell me I gotta drank in problem? Only drank in problem I ever had was when my ass ran outs beer.
Fact of the matter is that you too full of shit. I'd say yer full of bitch..but yo ass ain't got no room fer that. Hell naw..Too much bullshit. Now..I know..Ya had a good run. Ya won a couple matches. Whoopty fuckin do. You gone GIT yer ass whooped. Ya liein bag of dicks.
Is you even a teacher? Hell yo ass might be makin that mess up too. Hell what else is you makin up? You really a man? Hell, is you really human? Is you is or is you ain't a twelve year old boy? See what you done did? Yo ass make shit up, brangs questions bout everything you are.
What in the world is wssf comin to? We got ZMac goin down on Lilith. We got At At At runnin away like a dog...we got Clifford here liein his ass off. Sumbitches wife prolly wishes is ass was like pinochio. He liein...dick gettin bigger with each one. Maybe then shed be happy..but she aint. We got Battle talkin bout how ZT needs a leader. Hell, ZT done dominated ever here we ever been...Aint never had no leader. Dont damn I need one now. Never gone have one.
An what yall just ain't damn it understandin is that war is hell. Yo ass gotta be tough ta fight in a war. And aint none of yall sumbitches tough enough ta fight a sumbitchin war. Yall might thank yall are..buts lets face them facts..Yall piss poor sumbitches can't damn win singles matches half the damn time. Yall gone beat the whole roster? Hell naw. Got Adam Young talkin bout leading wssf against them old vets. Uhhh..the hell? When was the last sumbitchin time Adam Young won a fight? Huh? My ass ain't seen that sumbitch win a fight since we been here? And he gone lead the sumbitchin fight? Stop that bullshit right damn it now.
Aint none of yall gone damn it walk off with it. Might as well call this sumbitch ZT wins War."
Our hillbilly hero turned up his drink. He threw the empty bottle into the lake.
Scene fades
