Post by Teo Blaze on Sept 18, 2016 12:53:02 GMT -5
So I'm sitting here at 12:30 PM, having slept for 16 hours when I was supposed to stay up all night Roleplaying.
I haven't had a day off in 2 weeks, and I have to go work for 8 hours at 1:00 for a job that is not very much fun.
And I'm just so mad at myself for falling asleep because it's going to look to the rest of the fed like I don't care or that I am somehow being lazy.
That I'm no-showing because of apathy or disrespect or something.
That all of you guys who voted for me as People's Champion for months, who believed in me are going to be upset. That by choosing to sleep instead of forcing myself to write that I am spitting in all of your faces.
Call it insecure, call it paranoia, but I keep on making these promises that I'll be able to handle a full time schedule, I keep trying to be superman.
For those who don't know, I recently got a second job in addition to attending grad school (which requires an ABSURD amount of reading by the way).
And I keep ending up having to disappoint people.
Internet matches I can do, that's just posting content on a phone, but sitting down for hours at a time to write? I am finding more and more that I am having to force myself.
I'm not showing again this week. I still want to participate, I love WCF. But my work schedule sucks to efed. Every Sunday I work at 1. That's my one morning off, Mon-Tuesday I'm 9-5, Wednesday Thursday my school day is 5am-5:30pm due to the commute, and on the last three days I'm 1-9. Tack onto that homework, readings, papers, and when I say readings I mean literally a novel per week, and if I do ALL of that, then I can sit down and try to write a quality Roleplay.
I'm frustrated with myself because I'm not superman, but I'm more frightened that I'm going to disappoint all of you.
You're my friends, my colleagues.
You're awesome.
Sometimes I'm not.
This is one of those times.
I'm going to keep working on segments and focus primarily on the internet belt. If anyone challenges for that I will gladly trade barbs with them.
But no Roleplay this week. It just wasn't in the cards.
I haven't had a day off in 2 weeks, and I have to go work for 8 hours at 1:00 for a job that is not very much fun.
And I'm just so mad at myself for falling asleep because it's going to look to the rest of the fed like I don't care or that I am somehow being lazy.
That I'm no-showing because of apathy or disrespect or something.
That all of you guys who voted for me as People's Champion for months, who believed in me are going to be upset. That by choosing to sleep instead of forcing myself to write that I am spitting in all of your faces.
Call it insecure, call it paranoia, but I keep on making these promises that I'll be able to handle a full time schedule, I keep trying to be superman.
For those who don't know, I recently got a second job in addition to attending grad school (which requires an ABSURD amount of reading by the way).
And I keep ending up having to disappoint people.
Internet matches I can do, that's just posting content on a phone, but sitting down for hours at a time to write? I am finding more and more that I am having to force myself.
I'm not showing again this week. I still want to participate, I love WCF. But my work schedule sucks to efed. Every Sunday I work at 1. That's my one morning off, Mon-Tuesday I'm 9-5, Wednesday Thursday my school day is 5am-5:30pm due to the commute, and on the last three days I'm 1-9. Tack onto that homework, readings, papers, and when I say readings I mean literally a novel per week, and if I do ALL of that, then I can sit down and try to write a quality Roleplay.
I'm frustrated with myself because I'm not superman, but I'm more frightened that I'm going to disappoint all of you.
You're my friends, my colleagues.
You're awesome.
Sometimes I'm not.
This is one of those times.
I'm going to keep working on segments and focus primarily on the internet belt. If anyone challenges for that I will gladly trade barbs with them.
But no Roleplay this week. It just wasn't in the cards.
