im gone piss on yer face
Sept 16, 2016 13:50:34 GMT -5
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Crazy J zt and Salem Shepard like this
Post by jasoncash on Sept 16, 2016 13:50:34 GMT -5
And just like that, we the number one contenders. And was there any sumbitchin doubt? We ZT sin! We told y'all's asses from the start that we was the baddest sumbitches round here! And did any of yall listen? Why hell naw. Hell yall sumbitches still lookin at us like we gone be a easy win. Dont know why yall ignorant sumbitches would thank that mess. We aint lost but one sumbitchin time here. We wasn't looked at like we was gone win by none of yall. And what we do? We damn it won..again. Last week none of yall sumbitches thought wed beat the tag champs in that three on three. What happened? We beat wholesale ass. And this week? Hell this week we get a sumbitchin prize fer beatin ass. We get the tag straps. And lookin round, half yall sumbitches in wsssf still bettin against us. That's ok though...We gone beat ass till aint no more ass ta damn it beat. This week it tomahawk and captain retard for the straps. And we GONE get em. Aint no sumbitchin doubt about that mess. Not a ounce. We one step closer ta realizin our goal. Only sumbitches in our way are two piss poor bastards...one of which is rapidly startin ta be ZTs bitch. I mean...we done whooped his ass three times already..and that aint countin last night. Tomahawk aint gone be no better.. Me andShep? We a sumbitchin buzzsaw. We killers. We bad sumbitches. Yall? Yall just piss poor bastards what gone lose them shiney ass belts at slam..an aint a damn that yall gone do bout it.
The sound of grinding truck gears echoed through the neighborhood. The sound bounced off houses, causing neighbors to look out of their windows. They'd never heard the sound. It pissed them off. But what they saw coming up the road pissed them off even more.
On this cloudy Michigan day. A day that looked like hell could rain down from the sky at any time. A day that was void of animals... On this day, a rust colored semi truck with a wide load sign on the front that had to have been missing sound muffling equipment because it was loud. The gears were grinding. That could have been the age of the truck itself. Or it could have been the driver. Oh yes. In that drivers seat, wearing no shirt and a black cowboy hat, was Jason Cash. He had a big smile on his face that showed bits of the Skoal he was dipping. Behind that barely moving truck was a brown, seventies era trailer home that was barely still standing. Jason Cash was moving in!
The gears grinded as he headed up the street. Neighbors looked out their windows. Most were old and set in their ways. They all had money and were obviously appaled by our hillbilly hero bringing this through their neighborhood.
One old man who appeared to be in his sixties, stood in the center of the street. He stood there in his blue pajamas with his hand held straight out of a picture. He stood there in defiance. Cash could only sit there in that dusty old seat and laugh. He slowed down but didn't stop. Still, this old grey haired, blue eyed man stood there.
Finally Jason stopped the truck. He grabbed his beer. And he climbed out. The old man, who was several inches shorter than Jason, angrily walked over. Jason put a finger up before unbottoning his pants. He whipped out his Weiner. He then started to take a piss. The old man got wide eyed. Jason laughed at the angry old man. Right in his face.
"You can't do that here!", the old man yelled as he looked to his very large house. He saw his wife, standing there in a pink mu mu, staring at our hillbilly hero's junk. Jason noticed and waved.
"You're going to turn that peice of shit around and get out of here! My wife doesn't want to see that!"
Jason laughed in the old man's face.
"I dont find anything about this funny!"
Again, Jason laughed. He took a drink of his beer. "I thank its funny as all hell. Yer wife over there starin at my Johnson..while yer dumbass over here bitchin.. I mean.. What on Gods green earth you gone do?", Jason asked. "Beat me up?", he added. He didnt take his piss, however.
The old man didn't back down. "Only residents can drive anything through here!", the old man said, voice quivering. Jason grinned. " Hell son.. I am. Just bought the stone house up over yonder.", Jason said, pointing to the large house on the hill that sat off in the distance. The old man shook his head. "No one like you could afford a house here.", the old man said with a sneer.
Now, by this time, Jason was getting annoyed. He was playing with the old man, but he was about ready to move the old man out of his way. " Son, I got more money that God. No, you need ta get yer old ass outs my sumbitchin way or thangs gone get mighty physical.", Jason said. He wasn't smiling this time.
"Turn this peice of shit around!".
And just like that, Jason super kicked an old man in the face. This old guy fell in a heap. No one came out to help him. Jason pulled the mans unconscious body to the side. He waved at the old mans fat wife in her pink mu mu before whipping out his wiener again. "Im gone piss on yer face.", Jason said to the now unconscious old man. And he did just that. Jason pissed on the old man's face. The old mans wife waddled over to check on her husband. Jason got back into the truck and drove on, pulling the old trailer home behind him.
A few hours later, Jason was sitting in what once was a chair in front of the old trailer, which now sat in front of Jasons new house. I say chair only because of the shape. It was rusted. The back was brown and torn. And there was a board to sit on due the seat falling apart. In from of him were four chickens, clawing at the ground and nearly fighting. Their clucking was rather loud and filled the air. The sky still looked like death warmed over.
Our hillbilly hero had just gotten himself a fresh beer when three SUVs pulled up. Jason waved as the doors opened. Four older men got out of the vehicles. Each wore a polo shirt and slacks. They were well put together and looked to be around sixty years old.
Again, Jason waved. Nobody waved back.
"We don't allow squaters around here.", said the taller man in the front. He wore a toupe...a bad one. Jason noticed. "I'd be more sumbitchin worried bout that squirrel what's livin on yer head.", Jason said with a laugh. Jason was the only one who found this funny. "Yall wanna beer?", Jason asked. The man in the back, who was much shorter than the other two sneered. "No we don't want any of your beer. We want you gone. We don't let squaters live in our neighborhood.", he said. Jason took a drink of his beer and nodded. "I reckon that means more beer fer me.", Jason said.
The man in from with the toupe, shook his head. "Are you going to leave?", he asked. Jason smiled from ear to ear. "Leave? Hell I just damn it moved in. Just bought this sumbitch last week. My ass is damn it here.", Jason said with his wide grin. "Hell maybe Ill buy yer houses and kick yall out. That's be nice. Whole place owned by ZT.", Jason laughed. Again, he was the only one who found any of this funny. The four men step closer, but one slipped and fell. It was the short guy in the back. He fell face first into..chicken shit. Jason laughed. The old man was helped up by the other three. Jason found all of this funny. He laughed. The other four did not. Jason wasn't leaving, and they didnt like it. All four turned to leave.
And so our hillbilly hero continued to drink and watch his chickens. "I reckon yall need a buddy. I'll get yall a sumbitchin donkey.", Jason said.
Sirens filled the air. Jason's ears perked up. He waited. He'd guessed that those four old men had called the cops. This made Jason happy. He hated uppity people. He hated anyone who thought themselves see better than others.
A white squad car came pulling into the driveway. Jason grabbed an extra beer. As the officer, who wasn't a large man but had a stern looking face, got out of the car Jason offered him a beer.
"Wanna beer?", Jason asked. The officer shook his head. Jason grinned. "Yall here ta shoot me? I know yall city cops like doin that mess.", Jason said with a smile. The officer didnt find this as funny as Jason did. The cop put a hand out and the other on his gun. "Step back.", he ordered. Jason laughed but did as he was asked. "Well I ya dont want no beer, how in the hell can I help ya?", Jason asked.
"There was a call about a,possible squater and a zoning complaint. Looking around, I think I've found the culprit."
Jason nodded, took a drink of his beer, and then too off his hat. Under his has was his handicam and a few peices of paper. "Them silly ass old fellas, huh? Hell I told them sumbitches this was all legal. They didn't damn it wanna listen. Sumbitches just come round here lookin fer a beatin.", Jason said matter of factly. The cop, face still looking stern nodded. "And what happened when they were here?", he asked. "Offered em a beer. One ole boy got what looks like a damn squirrel livin on his head. Told him it might have rabid. He didn't find that mess funny at all. Then another ole boy slipped and fell in chicken shit. Then they all high tailed it outa here.", Jason answered.
The cop wrote this all down on his little note pad. He then looked at the papers. There was a deed to the house. There were also zoning papers. Jason was legit. "Well, I have everything I need. Now, there was an issue with a resident down the street..", The cop said. Jason laughed and turned on his handicam. "That sumbitch came at me, so I defended my damn self.", Jason said. The cop started to watch the footage. Of course it was a video of what had happened that morning, only at an angle that made it appear like this was an angry old man attacking our hillbilly hero. The cop finished the video. "Not sure why you had to knock him out but I did only see one man defending himself.", the cop, who never said his name, told Jason.
Again, Jason offered a beer. Again the cop declined. "Im a big fan, by the way.", the cop said as he got into his squad car and drove away.
Well that explains Jason not going to jail. After all, the video of Jason superkicking that old man was shady as fuck. That being said, our hillbilly hero took his seat on the tailgate of his. His black acoustic guitar was there. He took a drink of the beer he'd offered to the cop before grabbing the guitar.
"We are the champions..already. And we gone prove it..at slammmm.
Oh we gone beat that ass..we gonna whoop that ass
Aint a damn that yall can do bout it, cause we are the champions...of the wsssf."
Of course he played that to the tune of we are the champions. He stopped and grinned.
"We the sumbitchin tag champs... That dirty injun and cap condom just don know it yer..er maybe they do. Maybe them sumbitches already know we gone win. If they don't...then they should. They couldn't damn it hang with me and Shep the other week. We didnt even break a damn sweat. That how easy that mess was. Sheps paint didn't even smear. That was the easiest match we done had here..and that's sayin somethin cause we had a match where our punk opponents ran away like dogs.
Now I know its cause me and shep are a good ass team. We train together..We fight together. Hell we entered a timed shit challenge where the first sumbitch ta shit lost. That was me...I shit on the neighbors porch. That sumbitch is an asshole an deserved that mess. It's all team buildin. Bear humps on trees done that with captain retarded as all hell? Prolly not. If Bear humps on tree even tried, that retarded condom wearin sumbitch prolly wouldn't damn it understand. His ass'd just stand there with that "Im a fuckin winder locker" look on his sumbitchin face. Yall know the one. Some folks have a restin bitch face....and the good captain has a restin "Im a retard" look. It's perty damn sad really. A retard rasslin? He can't damn it win."
He spit some tobacco on the ground where his chickens walked around.
"I kinda feel sorry for Bear humps trees. He a fighter. He decent in that rang...and he aint got no damn partner worth two shits or a pint a piss. And his ass can't damn it win against us by his self. Hell naw. He decent but his ass ain't that damn good. Not even close. Im pert damn positive this sumbitch thanks he can though. Of course he'd be lie in ta his self if his ass even tries. He his ass tried in that sumbitchin six man tag match the other week. That mess work? Shit naw. He got his dirty ass handed to 'im. Same damn thang gone happen this time too.
When we came to wssf..We wanted ta damn ta hold em all at the same damn time. We perty damn close right sumbitchin now. We told yall sumbitches that we the baddest fuckers round here. We warned yall. Did yall listen? Well hell naw. Every week we go out there..and we beat ass. J beats ass. Shep beats ass..I get good an drunk..Get me a dip...and beat whole sale ass. That's what we sumbitchin do. Thas what ZT has always damn it done. Erik, J, and Jaymz started that sumbitch whoopin ass an we keep on doin it. Aint no end I sight neither. We gone beat ass till ain't no more ass ta damn it beat."
He drank some from his bottle before grinning from ear to ear.
"Yall know Shep is a rookie...talks kinda like me. Texas dont sound the same as Missippi though. But I took that sumbitch under my wing... And look what he doin. That sumbitch a beast in that rang. His ass crazier in there than out..and he a damn schizo. Proud ta call 'im my tag partners. Beers on my ass when we pick them belts up over our heads...after we beat the holy hell outa bear humps tree an Cap "Im a damn winder licker". And don't yall doubt it..We gone win. We gone walk off with it. An aint a got damn thang neither one of them ball sniffers gone do bout it. Cap Wsssf got too damn much ignorant bastard in 'im An bear shits in woods aint dam I it got it neither. Both them sumbitches in fer a rude awakenin an a world a damn hurt. I hope y'all's asses know that mess. Yall aint gone win. Hell naw. We goin knee deep in asshole. We gone make foot puppets outa yall. That's how bad we gone beat that ass."
Jason took another drink of his beer before checking to make sure his handicam was on. He'd learned that he had a hard time filming things due to the camera not being on. He made sure the red light was on.
"Yo homie!"
Jason looked up to see Salem walking up the driveway.
"Yo, you seen them two bitches from yesterday morning?", Shep asked. Cash shook his head. "You mean them ladies wit 'em big ass titties? Aint seen em since they said they was callin the law on yer ass.", CAsh answered. Shep put his head down. "I wanted to tell em that I was sorry and that I could prove it to them by nibbling on their cookies.. Show em what I did with that little top hat.", Shep said. Cash got wide eyed. "YOu didn’t sumbitchin super glue that damn than on yer dick, did ya?", Cash asked. Salem laughed. "Hell now, homie. That sumbitch is strapped on like a little helmet. I painted it green.. When I fuck..I fuck like i'm going to war, homie.", Salem laughed. Jason offered him a beer. Salem declined. "You ready?", Salem asked. Jason nodded and took a drink of the beer he'd offered Salem. "You know me, hoss. I"m always ready fer a sumbitchin fight. We gone get them belts.", Cash said. Salem agreed. "You wanna here my new song?", Cash asked.
"fuck yea, homie!"
Cash picked up his guitar and started strumming a G chord.
"It's fight time Captain WSSFF
But dont yall worry none
Cause we Zero toloerance, we tag champs and
We gonna whoop yer ass.
I guess yer retarded
Not tough after all
But that don’t matter
Cause yer gone take the fall
It's done be more than one time
We done beat that ass
This wont be the last
You don’t get ta pass
It's fight time little Injun
Time that you should know
There gone be more than one whooped ass
When we get to that show
It's fight time little Injun
But don’t you worry number
Cause we zero tolerance
Them killer sumbitches
And we are number one
Yea we Zero tolerance
Them killer sumbitch
And we gone beat that ass fer fun"
Cash strummed four hard time before putting his guitar down. Salem grinned from ear to ear. His grin was so wide, he got paint behind his ear. "Homie...", Salem said. Cash grinned. "Yea...You ready.", CAsh said.
Our hillbilly hero picked up the handicam and pointed it to his face
"Yall sumbitches aint ready. Yall wasn’t ready the other week and yall aint gone damn it be ready this time. It don’t damn it matter how much yall wann try an train. You cant teach tough. You cant just suddenly not be a piss poor bitch in that rang. It aint sumthin an ole sumbitch can damnit just stop doin. I'm lookin at you, Cap. You got a whole hell of a lot a bitch in ya. Too much fer yer own damn good. And I know ole Tommy Body thanks his ass can work some of that bitch out of ya. What his ass don’t know is that it dont work that way. Once you a bitch...You always gone be a bitch. And Cap...Yous a retarded bitch. Hell Yer ZT's bitch. Dont worry..You aint the only sumbitchin one. There's a couple more. Hell Kira is one of em! But you just got yer ass added to that long list. Now..I knnow yer ass gone come in there an atleast try. Yer gone try t a go bonzai....close yer little chinky eyes.... And then? Oh boy.. And then we gone put boots ta asses.
Tommy Boy? Bear shits in woods..Bear humps them trees. I hate ta damn say it... Wait... Like hell I do! Son you a bitch too.... Just a little bit less of a bitch...but still a bitch. I say that mess cause ya thank ya got a damn chance. Ya don’t. Ya never did. Sure yer ass can damn it put up a better fight than Cap Wssf...But that still aint sayin much. That sumbitch couldn’t fight his way out of a wet paper bag. You? Hell you wont them belts on yer own..... And you gone lose them sumbitches...... Soon. Shine them sumbitches up...Cause me and Shep like our belts ta damn it shine! See yall at slam."
He turned off the handicam. Scene fades
The sound of grinding truck gears echoed through the neighborhood. The sound bounced off houses, causing neighbors to look out of their windows. They'd never heard the sound. It pissed them off. But what they saw coming up the road pissed them off even more.
On this cloudy Michigan day. A day that looked like hell could rain down from the sky at any time. A day that was void of animals... On this day, a rust colored semi truck with a wide load sign on the front that had to have been missing sound muffling equipment because it was loud. The gears were grinding. That could have been the age of the truck itself. Or it could have been the driver. Oh yes. In that drivers seat, wearing no shirt and a black cowboy hat, was Jason Cash. He had a big smile on his face that showed bits of the Skoal he was dipping. Behind that barely moving truck was a brown, seventies era trailer home that was barely still standing. Jason Cash was moving in!
The gears grinded as he headed up the street. Neighbors looked out their windows. Most were old and set in their ways. They all had money and were obviously appaled by our hillbilly hero bringing this through their neighborhood.
One old man who appeared to be in his sixties, stood in the center of the street. He stood there in his blue pajamas with his hand held straight out of a picture. He stood there in defiance. Cash could only sit there in that dusty old seat and laugh. He slowed down but didn't stop. Still, this old grey haired, blue eyed man stood there.
Finally Jason stopped the truck. He grabbed his beer. And he climbed out. The old man, who was several inches shorter than Jason, angrily walked over. Jason put a finger up before unbottoning his pants. He whipped out his Weiner. He then started to take a piss. The old man got wide eyed. Jason laughed at the angry old man. Right in his face.
"You can't do that here!", the old man yelled as he looked to his very large house. He saw his wife, standing there in a pink mu mu, staring at our hillbilly hero's junk. Jason noticed and waved.
"You're going to turn that peice of shit around and get out of here! My wife doesn't want to see that!"
Jason laughed in the old man's face.
"I dont find anything about this funny!"
Again, Jason laughed. He took a drink of his beer. "I thank its funny as all hell. Yer wife over there starin at my Johnson..while yer dumbass over here bitchin.. I mean.. What on Gods green earth you gone do?", Jason asked. "Beat me up?", he added. He didnt take his piss, however.
The old man didn't back down. "Only residents can drive anything through here!", the old man said, voice quivering. Jason grinned. " Hell son.. I am. Just bought the stone house up over yonder.", Jason said, pointing to the large house on the hill that sat off in the distance. The old man shook his head. "No one like you could afford a house here.", the old man said with a sneer.
Now, by this time, Jason was getting annoyed. He was playing with the old man, but he was about ready to move the old man out of his way. " Son, I got more money that God. No, you need ta get yer old ass outs my sumbitchin way or thangs gone get mighty physical.", Jason said. He wasn't smiling this time.
"Turn this peice of shit around!".
And just like that, Jason super kicked an old man in the face. This old guy fell in a heap. No one came out to help him. Jason pulled the mans unconscious body to the side. He waved at the old mans fat wife in her pink mu mu before whipping out his wiener again. "Im gone piss on yer face.", Jason said to the now unconscious old man. And he did just that. Jason pissed on the old man's face. The old mans wife waddled over to check on her husband. Jason got back into the truck and drove on, pulling the old trailer home behind him.
A few hours later, Jason was sitting in what once was a chair in front of the old trailer, which now sat in front of Jasons new house. I say chair only because of the shape. It was rusted. The back was brown and torn. And there was a board to sit on due the seat falling apart. In from of him were four chickens, clawing at the ground and nearly fighting. Their clucking was rather loud and filled the air. The sky still looked like death warmed over.
Our hillbilly hero had just gotten himself a fresh beer when three SUVs pulled up. Jason waved as the doors opened. Four older men got out of the vehicles. Each wore a polo shirt and slacks. They were well put together and looked to be around sixty years old.
Again, Jason waved. Nobody waved back.
"We don't allow squaters around here.", said the taller man in the front. He wore a toupe...a bad one. Jason noticed. "I'd be more sumbitchin worried bout that squirrel what's livin on yer head.", Jason said with a laugh. Jason was the only one who found this funny. "Yall wanna beer?", Jason asked. The man in the back, who was much shorter than the other two sneered. "No we don't want any of your beer. We want you gone. We don't let squaters live in our neighborhood.", he said. Jason took a drink of his beer and nodded. "I reckon that means more beer fer me.", Jason said.
The man in from with the toupe, shook his head. "Are you going to leave?", he asked. Jason smiled from ear to ear. "Leave? Hell I just damn it moved in. Just bought this sumbitch last week. My ass is damn it here.", Jason said with his wide grin. "Hell maybe Ill buy yer houses and kick yall out. That's be nice. Whole place owned by ZT.", Jason laughed. Again, he was the only one who found any of this funny. The four men step closer, but one slipped and fell. It was the short guy in the back. He fell face first into..chicken shit. Jason laughed. The old man was helped up by the other three. Jason found all of this funny. He laughed. The other four did not. Jason wasn't leaving, and they didnt like it. All four turned to leave.
And so our hillbilly hero continued to drink and watch his chickens. "I reckon yall need a buddy. I'll get yall a sumbitchin donkey.", Jason said.
Sirens filled the air. Jason's ears perked up. He waited. He'd guessed that those four old men had called the cops. This made Jason happy. He hated uppity people. He hated anyone who thought themselves see better than others.
A white squad car came pulling into the driveway. Jason grabbed an extra beer. As the officer, who wasn't a large man but had a stern looking face, got out of the car Jason offered him a beer.
"Wanna beer?", Jason asked. The officer shook his head. Jason grinned. "Yall here ta shoot me? I know yall city cops like doin that mess.", Jason said with a smile. The officer didnt find this as funny as Jason did. The cop put a hand out and the other on his gun. "Step back.", he ordered. Jason laughed but did as he was asked. "Well I ya dont want no beer, how in the hell can I help ya?", Jason asked.
"There was a call about a,possible squater and a zoning complaint. Looking around, I think I've found the culprit."
Jason nodded, took a drink of his beer, and then too off his hat. Under his has was his handicam and a few peices of paper. "Them silly ass old fellas, huh? Hell I told them sumbitches this was all legal. They didn't damn it wanna listen. Sumbitches just come round here lookin fer a beatin.", Jason said matter of factly. The cop, face still looking stern nodded. "And what happened when they were here?", he asked. "Offered em a beer. One ole boy got what looks like a damn squirrel livin on his head. Told him it might have rabid. He didn't find that mess funny at all. Then another ole boy slipped and fell in chicken shit. Then they all high tailed it outa here.", Jason answered.
The cop wrote this all down on his little note pad. He then looked at the papers. There was a deed to the house. There were also zoning papers. Jason was legit. "Well, I have everything I need. Now, there was an issue with a resident down the street..", The cop said. Jason laughed and turned on his handicam. "That sumbitch came at me, so I defended my damn self.", Jason said. The cop started to watch the footage. Of course it was a video of what had happened that morning, only at an angle that made it appear like this was an angry old man attacking our hillbilly hero. The cop finished the video. "Not sure why you had to knock him out but I did only see one man defending himself.", the cop, who never said his name, told Jason.
Again, Jason offered a beer. Again the cop declined. "Im a big fan, by the way.", the cop said as he got into his squad car and drove away.
Well that explains Jason not going to jail. After all, the video of Jason superkicking that old man was shady as fuck. That being said, our hillbilly hero took his seat on the tailgate of his. His black acoustic guitar was there. He took a drink of the beer he'd offered to the cop before grabbing the guitar.
"We are the champions..already. And we gone prove it..at slammmm.
Oh we gone beat that ass..we gonna whoop that ass
Aint a damn that yall can do bout it, cause we are the champions...of the wsssf."
Of course he played that to the tune of we are the champions. He stopped and grinned.
"We the sumbitchin tag champs... That dirty injun and cap condom just don know it yer..er maybe they do. Maybe them sumbitches already know we gone win. If they don't...then they should. They couldn't damn it hang with me and Shep the other week. We didnt even break a damn sweat. That how easy that mess was. Sheps paint didn't even smear. That was the easiest match we done had here..and that's sayin somethin cause we had a match where our punk opponents ran away like dogs.
Now I know its cause me and shep are a good ass team. We train together..We fight together. Hell we entered a timed shit challenge where the first sumbitch ta shit lost. That was me...I shit on the neighbors porch. That sumbitch is an asshole an deserved that mess. It's all team buildin. Bear humps on trees done that with captain retarded as all hell? Prolly not. If Bear humps on tree even tried, that retarded condom wearin sumbitch prolly wouldn't damn it understand. His ass'd just stand there with that "Im a fuckin winder locker" look on his sumbitchin face. Yall know the one. Some folks have a restin bitch face....and the good captain has a restin "Im a retard" look. It's perty damn sad really. A retard rasslin? He can't damn it win."
He spit some tobacco on the ground where his chickens walked around.
"I kinda feel sorry for Bear humps trees. He a fighter. He decent in that rang...and he aint got no damn partner worth two shits or a pint a piss. And his ass can't damn it win against us by his self. Hell naw. He decent but his ass ain't that damn good. Not even close. Im pert damn positive this sumbitch thanks he can though. Of course he'd be lie in ta his self if his ass even tries. He his ass tried in that sumbitchin six man tag match the other week. That mess work? Shit naw. He got his dirty ass handed to 'im. Same damn thang gone happen this time too.
When we came to wssf..We wanted ta damn ta hold em all at the same damn time. We perty damn close right sumbitchin now. We told yall sumbitches that we the baddest fuckers round here. We warned yall. Did yall listen? Well hell naw. Every week we go out there..and we beat ass. J beats ass. Shep beats ass..I get good an drunk..Get me a dip...and beat whole sale ass. That's what we sumbitchin do. Thas what ZT has always damn it done. Erik, J, and Jaymz started that sumbitch whoopin ass an we keep on doin it. Aint no end I sight neither. We gone beat ass till ain't no more ass ta damn it beat."
He drank some from his bottle before grinning from ear to ear.
"Yall know Shep is a rookie...talks kinda like me. Texas dont sound the same as Missippi though. But I took that sumbitch under my wing... And look what he doin. That sumbitch a beast in that rang. His ass crazier in there than out..and he a damn schizo. Proud ta call 'im my tag partners. Beers on my ass when we pick them belts up over our heads...after we beat the holy hell outa bear humps tree an Cap "Im a damn winder licker". And don't yall doubt it..We gone win. We gone walk off with it. An aint a got damn thang neither one of them ball sniffers gone do bout it. Cap Wsssf got too damn much ignorant bastard in 'im An bear shits in woods aint dam I it got it neither. Both them sumbitches in fer a rude awakenin an a world a damn hurt. I hope y'all's asses know that mess. Yall aint gone win. Hell naw. We goin knee deep in asshole. We gone make foot puppets outa yall. That's how bad we gone beat that ass."
Jason took another drink of his beer before checking to make sure his handicam was on. He'd learned that he had a hard time filming things due to the camera not being on. He made sure the red light was on.
"Yo homie!"
Jason looked up to see Salem walking up the driveway.
"Yo, you seen them two bitches from yesterday morning?", Shep asked. Cash shook his head. "You mean them ladies wit 'em big ass titties? Aint seen em since they said they was callin the law on yer ass.", CAsh answered. Shep put his head down. "I wanted to tell em that I was sorry and that I could prove it to them by nibbling on their cookies.. Show em what I did with that little top hat.", Shep said. Cash got wide eyed. "YOu didn’t sumbitchin super glue that damn than on yer dick, did ya?", Cash asked. Salem laughed. "Hell now, homie. That sumbitch is strapped on like a little helmet. I painted it green.. When I fuck..I fuck like i'm going to war, homie.", Salem laughed. Jason offered him a beer. Salem declined. "You ready?", Salem asked. Jason nodded and took a drink of the beer he'd offered Salem. "You know me, hoss. I"m always ready fer a sumbitchin fight. We gone get them belts.", Cash said. Salem agreed. "You wanna here my new song?", Cash asked.
"fuck yea, homie!"
Cash picked up his guitar and started strumming a G chord.
"It's fight time Captain WSSFF
But dont yall worry none
Cause we Zero toloerance, we tag champs and
We gonna whoop yer ass.
I guess yer retarded
Not tough after all
But that don’t matter
Cause yer gone take the fall
It's done be more than one time
We done beat that ass
This wont be the last
You don’t get ta pass
It's fight time little Injun
Time that you should know
There gone be more than one whooped ass
When we get to that show
It's fight time little Injun
But don’t you worry number
Cause we zero tolerance
Them killer sumbitches
And we are number one
Yea we Zero tolerance
Them killer sumbitch
And we gone beat that ass fer fun"
Cash strummed four hard time before putting his guitar down. Salem grinned from ear to ear. His grin was so wide, he got paint behind his ear. "Homie...", Salem said. Cash grinned. "Yea...You ready.", CAsh said.
Our hillbilly hero picked up the handicam and pointed it to his face
"Yall sumbitches aint ready. Yall wasn’t ready the other week and yall aint gone damn it be ready this time. It don’t damn it matter how much yall wann try an train. You cant teach tough. You cant just suddenly not be a piss poor bitch in that rang. It aint sumthin an ole sumbitch can damnit just stop doin. I'm lookin at you, Cap. You got a whole hell of a lot a bitch in ya. Too much fer yer own damn good. And I know ole Tommy Body thanks his ass can work some of that bitch out of ya. What his ass don’t know is that it dont work that way. Once you a bitch...You always gone be a bitch. And Cap...Yous a retarded bitch. Hell Yer ZT's bitch. Dont worry..You aint the only sumbitchin one. There's a couple more. Hell Kira is one of em! But you just got yer ass added to that long list. Now..I knnow yer ass gone come in there an atleast try. Yer gone try t a go bonzai....close yer little chinky eyes.... And then? Oh boy.. And then we gone put boots ta asses.
Tommy Boy? Bear shits in woods..Bear humps them trees. I hate ta damn say it... Wait... Like hell I do! Son you a bitch too.... Just a little bit less of a bitch...but still a bitch. I say that mess cause ya thank ya got a damn chance. Ya don’t. Ya never did. Sure yer ass can damn it put up a better fight than Cap Wssf...But that still aint sayin much. That sumbitch couldn’t fight his way out of a wet paper bag. You? Hell you wont them belts on yer own..... And you gone lose them sumbitches...... Soon. Shine them sumbitches up...Cause me and Shep like our belts ta damn it shine! See yall at slam."
He turned off the handicam. Scene fades
