Post by Salem Shepard on Sept 16, 2016 11:03:51 GMT -5
(Bloomfield Hills, MI)
“Hey, .. J you is a Wolverines fan, I have to show you something.”
Shep looked at his phone and held it over to Crazy J. It was a gif of Michigan Coach Jim Harbaugh picking his nose and then eating it. J watched the replay several times over with no reaction. He shrugged his shoulders and asked,
“Yea? What about it?”
Shep took his phone back, “Hes eatin his boogers!! What the fuck!?”
“Yeah, so what’s your point?”
Shep sat down on the couch across from Crazy J, “That its fucking gross, and that’s your teams coach!!”
J again just shrugged, “Well…I was always told it’s just fine to eat your boogers as long as you’re successful. Harbaugh is successful. He is going to make Nick Saban his bitch.”
Shepard laughed but J didn’t care. J was on the opposite side of the room slumped over in the large chair of Shepard’s house. Things looked a lot better around here since the last time we saw it. The house was clean, there was more furniture and Shep had moved in some of the horrific art that he collected that gave the house an awkward vibe. Echoing footsteps came down the tile floor, and Cash walked into the room, beer in hand.
“The fuckin hell is you doin!?” Cash looked over at J. J froze with his finger in his mouth and a “guilty as fuck” look on his face. He pulled his finger from his mouth and started to speak as Cash cut him off. “You just fuckin eat a boog didnya!?”
Shep recoiled from across the room, jumped off the couch and started to dry heave. It seriously grossed him out. J stuck his finger back in his nose and pulled out another as he spoke,
“Im successful…and, if you was in the desert, dying, and all you had was crusties, you be eaten em to live….you know you would bro.”
Shep and Cash just traded looks at each other as J held out his finger and walked toward Shep, “Dawg, you been successful since we brought you to ZT. You earned a snack; you can even have one of mine!” Crazy J was serious.
Shep flung himself back into the wall, knocking a picture off, where he did vomit in disgust.
Crazy J laughed, “haha you mother fuckers are stupid! …Wait, ya know…It almost hurts my feelers that yall think I would eat my boogers...”
(Later)
“Well shit the bed man, Im bout tired out.” Cash stood up from the dining room table they were all sitting at. They had finished eating the food that Erik was forcing upon them and it was still hard for Shep to even develop a taste for this kind of diet. He had eaten junk all his life - or whatever was cheapest and available. Cash looked over at Crazy J, “You goin with me?...I can take ya back.”
J collected random bits of food from everyone’s plates that was half eaten and put it all on his plate. He looked at it, turned the plate, smiled and said, “Ok! Im taking this food and giving it to Lisa. I think she’s hungry…At least her spirit can eat it!” He took the plate with him as he walked toward the door.
Cash put on his hat, finished up his beer, and leaned over the back of the chair – staring at Shep from across the table looking at him eye to eye, “You best be on yer ass by the time I get here; Imma be here fore the suns up in the mornin…” He pointed at Shep and he had never seen Cash this serious or determined before. “This the biggest match yer life, and you better be read fer it. There aint gonna be no goddamn let down this week…Fuck that, we done worked too goddamn hard!”
Shep understood, and he was already thinking back to the time that Gemini made him look like a little bitch for the whole ten seconds they were in the ring together. He had learned from that moment, he had made sure to watch it over and over again. He had made sure to get in the ring, train and correct some other issues he had; and to focus on things that had become his strengths. He had learned a lot from J, Cash, Erik and Jaymz, and he had learned fast.
“I know man. Don’t worry homie; I’ll be ready for this match!! We gonna win us some Gold!! Listen, these two guys aint shit!! We beat EVEREYONE in our fuckin way!! And these guys aint no Gemini Battle!! They aint no Twilight or Lilith!!! Not even close, dawg!!!”
Shepard laughed, but Cash didn’t find this funny at all. He slammed his fist down on the table and the echoing through the house could be heard because Sheps laughing instantly stopped. Cash didn’t yell, and Shep wasn’t sure if he was really even mad. He could see this guy was focused. Cash was a veteran, he had been in these battles before and he knew what it took to win.
“Shep, listen…Ya can talk as much shit about these two guys all ya want…I don’t give a fuck. This match is different…It’s a Title match. It don’t fuckin matter if yer facing a old lady with one leg and the bitch on a breathin machine – you gotta bring it to her like shes sumbitchin Bates or Battle if she got the gold…ya hear me?”
Cash sat back down in the chair, “It don’t matter who the fuck we facin, you gotta step it up another notch. Yea, we won some fuckin matches…so what? Fuck we got to show fer it!? Not a sumbitchin thing!! Im gone end up talkin all kinds of shit to these fuckin assholes, I bet. ..But aint no sumbitch here seen what I can do yet when you tell me I get a prize! …Ya understand what Im sayin boy? You gone work this week, harder than ya ever have in yer whole life.” He stood up again, still lookin Shep in the eye, “…don’t make me come break the goddamn door down in the morning!!”
Shep stood up, “I’ll be up!!! Ok, ok!! Im not taking the match easy!! I’ll be ready!!”
Cash nodded, “Alright..Oh, and the gerbil…You should probably feed it.”
They both looked over at the cage in the living room that we had not seen until now. Shep told him he would and Cash turned to leave, Pulling Crazy J by the sleeve to the door. J had got caught up watching old reruns of “To Catch a Predator” and had a huge grin on his face when the creepers got arrested. Cash pulled him out the door and into the night. Shep closed the door behind them and turned around and looked at his house. The huge, massive house that he still hadn’t gotten used to was too big for him. He would adjust, he hoped, but he was lonely here at night. It was hard for him to sleep and the longer he was left alone with these thoughts the worse it got. He didn’t know anyone here except his ZT family and he missed his sister, Claire. He wanted to move her up here but she had declined, and Shep knew she was back on drugs….
J and Cash had suggested earlier in the week that he should perhaps get a pet so he wouldn’t be alone all the time. He had never had a pet before so he wasn’t real fond of the idea and told them no at first. Cash even agreed that he may not be ready for something like a dog, but maybe something smaller - so Shep had settled with a gerbil. The critter had a nice big plastic gerbil mansion that it lived in and Shep believed the gerbil had a good home here. He had watched the gerbil move all over its colorful plastic kingdom but he didn’t feel any attachment to the creature. He didn’t think that the gerbil really gave two shits about him either, so it was hard to really even enjoy this thing. He had taken it out of its cage after J and Cash had left but even then, the Gerbil did its own thing and he didn’t really seem to care much for it, so off to the plastic mansion it went. He had sat there for a long time, his mouth hung slack and he looked kinda retarded.
…His mind had been wandering; he had been caught up in his own thoughts while watching the gerbil run about the Gerbil Kingdom. After a moment he seemed to snap out of it and thought, “What did Cash tell me to do with the Gerbil?” He stood up from the chair he had pulled over to Gerbil Kingdom and looked around the room, hoping that maybe something would catch his eye and remind him what it was. …And then he heard it..The voice, one of them, from deep in his mind. The voice came from soo deep in his mind, and mixed with his current mental state he assumed it was just a thought from the normal part of his brain. The voice repeated what Cash had told him, “Alright..Oh, and the gerbil…You should probably eat it.”
He played the scene back in his mind, Cash had told him to “eat it” and they both looked at the cage before he walked out the door. He KNEW that’s what Cash said…It had to be!! What else would he have said?
“Then it looks like we have to eat it!” The voice came again and Shep never considered that it wasn’t a “normal” thought. He opened the top part of Gerbil Kingdom and reached around inside until the gerbil was in his grasp. His eyes were half open in a far off stare as he made his way to the kitchen, dragging his feet with every step. He put the drain stopper in the large kitchen sink and carelessly tossed the gerbil in there. Its little feet could be heard scurrying against the metal sink, unable to climb up the tall sides. Shep reached into a cabinet and pulled out several pots and pans; the quietness of the house erupting with clangs and loud noises as they hit the floor. He found a pan that he liked although it wasn’t very big, but he seemed satisfied as he searched through another cabinet and found some oil. He sat the pan on the stove and put in a few drops of the oil, not really knowing what he was doing or how to cook. Shep blankly turned the dial on the stove and the flame shot up from underneath the pan; the flame enhanced the glare in his eyes and a weird smile formed over his face as the voices came….
“Dinner. It’ll be good.”
“Yes, delicious.”
“You’re going to love it.”
The voices talked to him, and he found for the first time in his life, he agreed with them. The voices had told him the same thing that Cash did, “Eat the gerbil.” So maybe things were finally starting to turn around, he wondered. This excited him because the voices in his head had finally agreed with a real person not in his head. And still, it never registered in his mind that the voice had told him to eat the gerbil – not feed it like Cash had actually suggested. He was mixing reality with the voices and he was unaware of this. He reached into the sink and pulled out the gerbil. He could feel it moving in his hand, moving faster than it ever had before….The gerbil knew that something was wrong… Shep walked over to the pan on the stove and tossed the little gerbil in. It cried out in a little squeak and its tiny feet could be heard moving furiously from side to side, trying to jump over the side of the pan.
“Woah!! Hey! Little bastard!!” Shep grabbed a spatula and knocked it back in the pan where it let out another squeal of pain and finally, the sound of its little feet came to a stop as they seared away in the bottom of the pan. The cameraman gagged but managed to hold it in as the smell of burning hair overtook the room. The pan sizzled occasionally with smoke rising from the top as Shep sprinkled in a little basil and pepper, then put on the glass lid. He looked over at the camera, his paint smeared on the left side of his face. But he seemed happy, and oddly satisfied.
He walked over to the camera, “Cash was right. If I eat it, I won’t be lonely anymore!!”
The cameraman gagged again as Shep walked out of the kitchen and sat on the couch in the dark living room. His face couldn’t be seen, only the clouds he blew from his vape box as he sat there for hours, lost in his thoughts…arguing with the voices in his head.
(The next day)
Cash beat on the front door of Sheps mansion with frustration. He had told Shep to have his ass ready or he was going to break down the door. He looked at his phone and it said 5:53am. He muttered cuss words to himself and put his phone back in his pocket as he beat on the door one more time. Then it occurred to him, …Just open the door. He did, and the dark house was completely silent as he walked in. He looked at the two rooms in front of him and saw Gerbil Kingdom still in the corner.
“SHEP!!” He yelled as he walked through the house.
He took a left at the end of the hallway and saw Shep sitting in the same spot he left him last night, at the dining room table. The remains of the food they had eaten from the night before were still on the table. Cash hollered at Shep again, but he never looked up from the plate that was sitting in front of him. Cash noticed that he looked like shit and could see something was wrong. Shep raised his head, fresh paint had been added and his face was painted like a skull. He had milky white contacts in each eye and he only looked at Cash, never saying a word.
“Fuck is that smell?” Cash muttered as he entered the dining room. He got a little angry as he approached, “Goddamnit, Shep, I done told yer ass last night to be ready!!! We gotta train fer this fight and you look like SHIT!!”
Shep turned his head and looked at Cash, “I couldn’t do it man…”
“Do what!?”
“I couldn’t eat it, homie.”
“EAT WHAT!
Hell is ya talkin bout, boy!?”
Shep pointed at the plate in front of him. Disgust came over Cash’s face as he looked at the thing on Sheps plate. He then looked back at Shep and tried to say something but Cash had no words for this so Shep spoke up.
“You told me to eat it, …I couldn’t”
“IS THAT YER GERBIL!?!?”
“Yeah, when you left you told me to eat it.”
“NO!!!” Cash roared, “I told you do FEED it…FEED it, not EAT it!!”
Shep sighed and he seemed relieved, “Oh good…because I could barely choke down the tail.”
Cash only looked at the plate. All the hair had been burnt off and the body was crispy black. The ears and its little feet had also been burned off. Only a small piece of the tail remained. “Fuckin hell, boy!! … Hang on, let me get a pic, J gonna love dis shit…fuck was you thinkin!?...Problem is ya didn’t cook it right. I eaten plenty of tree rats fore..These yankees round here call em squirrels, but its good…You just done burnt it all ta hell!”
Shep stood up from the chair, “I dunno what I was thinkin dawg!!! Fuckin….all these ….new, nasty foods that Erik’s making me eat!!! I was hungry!!!” Shep was getting frustrated and pulled on his short blue hair, “And I dunno, I thought you said eat it…and I thought that was a good idea at the time!!”
Shep paused and paced to the other side of the table, “But I guess I was flippin out and didn’t even realize it...”
“It’s alright” Cash said as he snapped a few more pictures.
“I need a real pet though. That gerbil wasn’t for me…”
Cash just nodded in agreement as Shep walked away and disappeared upstairs. A few minutes later he came back down in his in different clothes and a hat; and the two men walked out the door on their way to prepare for winning the Tag Belts.
(Bloomfield Hills, MI)
It was pleasantly nice outside and there was a good breeze pushing through the trees. Shep had never realized how much he loved to hear the noise of the leaves rustling in the wind. Life was different here in Michigan, more so than it ever had been in the concrete jungle of Houston. These people thought he talked funny, but he didn’t think so. It was THEM who talked funny ..These Yankees…and then he realized that, in a way, he said a lot of the same things that Cash did. Cash was from Mississippi so he had a different accent than Shep’s Texan drawl, but they were both raised in the south. He and Cash had bonded a lot more since they moved to Michigan, and Shep believed it was because maybe Cash felt the same way as Shep…They were both in a different place where everyone said they talked weird.
The sun had hidden behind the tall trees on the western horizon and the breeze made the evening seem cooler than it really was. The view came from Shepards driveway looking out toward the neighborhood; where we saw our favorite painted up schizo slowly coming down the street with something in his hand that appeared to be a leash. He was blocked from about the waist down by a short brick wall that ran the length of the sidewalk on his property. His hat was turned around backward and he wore a bright blue ZT hockey jersey; and he kept looking down to whatever was on the end of the leash…Whatever it was didn’t seem to wanna move, judging from the way Shep was pulling on the leash. The cameraman walked down the long driveway, past the huge hole in Sheps yard where the tree used to be that Crazy J uprooted and transported to Lisa’s grave. We came past the wall and saw Shep in plain view, and his pet…which was a seven foot long Boa that was tan colored with dark brown markings running the length of its body. He had a skateboard under the snake, but most of the reptile was dragging along the ground. The snake was wearing a collar with a dog-bone name tag that sat on the skateboard. It also wore a small black top-hat on its head. Shep looked up and almost seemed surprised,
“Oh hey!!” He waved, he seemed very happy. “So yall gotta check this out!!! What yall think about my new pet!? I named her Slash!! Because Slash has snakes, and he’s one of my favorite musicians! ..And he had Slashes Snake Pit, …so uh, it just seemed fitting to me!”
He looked back down at the snake, then back at the camera, “And Im sure your wondering why Im walking this snake. Well, I got bored of watching him sit around the house not doing anything…So I figured I would walk him. I think he likes it better out here than in the hot house. It’s nice and cool out here. “
Shep reached down and adjusted the snake back on the skateboard and petted it a few times, then talked to it like it was a puppy, “Who’s a good girl!? Yes you are!!! Yes you are a good girl!!” He looked back up and smiled. He was genuinely happy.
So, Slash has kept me from being too lonely last night and today, and I think this might actually work out for me this time!! I haven’t been able to sleep well this week and I know it’s because Im soo fucking excited for this match. FUCCKK!!! I wish the match was today!!! I can’t even put into words how fucking excited I am to get this opportunity to win the Tag belts!! I dreamed about this shit all my life ever since I was a little kid!! I’ve waited my whole life to strap one of those belts around my waist and it’s FINALLY going to happen. Yup, that’s right, we aint gonna lose…
The snake worked her way off the skateboard and Shep repositioned her and started to walk and pulled the leash..
Im not being arrogant, ..or cocky. No, none of that. I go into every match believing that Im going to win…because if you don’t, you just have a fucking loser’s attitude. I didn’t step into that ring with Battle trying to run away, ..Hell no!!! I came to fight, and I didn’t provide him one! Haha….But the point is, I don’t fucking run from anyone. I don’t care who they are, I don’t care if they a big bad mother fucker like Oblivion or a living legend like Corey Black. Guess what!? SHEP DON’T CARE BITCHES!!!! But let’s be real here, ..these guys aint no Corey Black or Twilight. This week we got Cap Condom, and the one real Tag Team Champ Tomohawk. I say the “one real champion” because Cap Condom didn’t fucking EARN his way into the match. He was just lucky enough to be named a fucking Champion and it was given to him…not earned. Cash and I had to beat some of the biggest names in the business and Cap was just be GIVEN a spot???
He shook his head in disapproval as they passed his driveway and they kept walking down the street. Shep waved at the neighbors who were still a ways up ahead because the yards were soo big, but they didn’t return the wave.
That aint right man…But it’s all good, cause Cap won’t be a Tag Team Champion very long. Ya know, when we came here J and I talked about FrEeKsHoW being Tag Team champions but it didn’t quite work out that way, ..for J at least. But that’s all good too!! Cause I like workin with Cash, he’s been doing this for a long time and he knows his way around the ring as well as anyone. I’ve had my eyes set on these two belts since we walked in the WCF’s door and Im finally gonna get my shot with the Hillbilly Hero, …and let me tell ya…I aint gonna let my ZT brothers down.
J and Cash work too hard for me to let them down, and I don’t even wanna look Erik Black in the face if I fuckin blow this match. That mother fucker will kick my ass, …or just have Jaymz kill me, whichever. But I aint gonna blow it, I learned my lesson since I got pinned and I took that shit to heart. I didn’t let yall see it, but that shit HURT man!! Hurt my pride a little bit, and Im determined to never let it happen again.. Or well, not this week at least….Not when there gold on the line!
Shep saw two females jogging up the street that were very good looking an in shape. One was wearing a green top, and the other was in a pink top – and Shep noticed that Pink Top had a defined six-pack. He had seen them the other day, and surprisingly, they were the only people that had acknowledged him since he had moved in. They looked to be in their late thirties and Shep straightened up as they got closer; pushing out his chest while watching their boobs bounce up and down …that brought him great joy.
“Hello ladies” He said confidently as they approached. Slash the snake and the TV camera had gotten their attention and they slowed down as they got to Shep and the one in the green top spoke up.
“Oh wow!! That’s a pretty big snake you got there!!” She said with a smile.
Shep’s smile was even bigger, “If you think Slash is big, you should see my dick!!”
The two girls made a noise like “uugghh!!” in total disgust as they glanced at each other. Shep could tell they wanted to be on TV at this point, and it was the only reason that they stuck around. He reached down and petted Slash, “Yes she is a good girl, aren’t you Slash?”
Pink Top stepped closer, bent down and touched it. “I love snakes..my brother used to have one when we were kids. You say you named him Slash?”
Shep quickly corrected her, “It’s a her, not a him. Yes, I named HER Slash…like the guy from Guns N Roses.”
Pink Top looked confused, “Uum..But Slash isn’t a girl.”
“I Knnooowwww!!” Shep rolled his eyes and shook his head, “But I wanted to name her Slash anyway.”
Slash’s tongue flicked in out several times as Pink Top continued to pet the snake. Shep liked this, and he wanted Pink Top to pet HIS snake too! “Soo um, you see how fast his tongue flickers around like that…They say pets resemble their owners…You go wash that ass of yours and I’ll show you what I mean!”
She stood up and slapped him across the face, getting paint on her hands and smearing it across his cheek. “You are a fucking pervert, asshole!!”
“What!?” Shep looked like he didn’t understand, “I wasn’t trying to be a pervert!!”
“Let’s go” Green top said as she started to walk away.
Slash worked her way off the skateboard and the girls noticed the small Top Hat didn’t move at all, so Green Top asked, “How did you get that hat to stay on its head?”
Shep could sense her pissed off tone and knew what she was getting at but he didn’t care, “Oh, I super glued it there.”
“You did WHAT!?!?” Pink Top was appalled and pulled the headphones jack out of her phone and started to tap the screen. “Oh, no…Im calling the cops.”
“THE COPS!?” Shep looked confused and pissed all at the same time. “Why would you do that!?”
She gave him a shitty smile as she put the phone to her ear, “Because it’s animal cruelty …you dumbass.”
Sheps jaw dropped, his crooked yellow teeth stood out and he started to shake. He closed his mouth and quickly looked to both sides in fear. This started to frighten the girls and they took a step back toward the street. Pink Tops call finally got answered and as she started to explain the situation Shep gave her the most evil, hate filled look he had ever given anyone. He wanted to kill her. He wanted to tear her body apart and feed pieces of it to Slash until there was nothing left of her. The urge to take a step forward, wrap his hands around her throat and squeeze was like no impulse he had in his entire life. But another thought took over, the sane, rational part of his mind told him to take Slash and RUN!!! He reached down to the snake with a quickness and gathered up the boa and took off running down the street, leaving the skateboard behind. Pink Top was still on the phone and told the police what direction he was running.
Shep ran, his mind racing even faster than his feet as he held the boa close to his chest like a baby. What was wrong with him?? He was having thoughts he never had before and it wasn’t the voices. The voices were clear and he knew each and every one of them. They all had names. But these thoughts like killing Pink Top right there in the middle of the street, or actually BELIEVING that Cash told him to really eat the fucking gerbil!!! These weren’t the voices, the ones that had told him to do horrible things all his life; and he had mostly managed to ignore them and the awful things they suggested he do. ..This was different. Did the voices finally take over my whole brain, he wondered? Is this it? Am I fully insane now?...And the cops!!! The cops are coming!!!
He ran faster, passing two more large pieces of property before getting to his house, running up the driveway and disappearing into the backyard.
As Pink Top got off the phone with the police a car came over the hill driving the direction in which Shep ran. For a moment they thought it may have been the cops, but they quickly saw it was a black hearst. They slowly drove up the street and Jason Cash stuck his head out of the passenger window.
“Howdy!” He smiled and winked at them. Both Green Top and Pink Top blushed.
“I was wonderin if you purty ladies could help me with somethin?”
Pink and Green now looked like they were in Junior High as they giggled at Cash and looked at each other. He had done it again. They nodded and he continued.
“Yall aint happen ta see someone like this guy runnin round, have ya?” He motioned to Crazy J in the driver seat. J smiled and waved. The girls did not, and the attraction for Cash they had disappeared faster than he had laid it on them. Those pissed off looks came back to their faces as Green Top yelled,
“Yea!!!! Your asshole friend ran that way after we called the cops on him!!”
Crazy J leaned over as far as he could toward the passenger window, “You bitch!! You called the cops on him!?”
“FUCK YOU!!” Green Top yelled as she flipped them off and tried to spit at Cash, but he dodged it with ease as Crazy J drove off..
“Shit, dawg” J looked worried, “You know that fool run off when he think people are after him. That’s why he didn’t answer his phone.”
Cash agreed, “Sumbitch!! I hope we aint gotta go find his ass...Shouldn be hard to fine em …not in this place...”
Cash pulled out his phone and dialed a number as Crazy J pulled into Shep’s driveway. Crazy J parked the hearst and they got out as the person answered Cash’s call. “Yea, Erik, Its Jason…Listen…I dunno what ta fuckin hells goin on yet…but some ol gal called the cops on Shep……(pause)…….Yeah, we’ll find Shep, you jus get the pigs ta back off. …….alright, later.”
He put his phone back and followed Crazy J into the house. Gerbil Kingdom was still there even though the gerbil itself had become an uneaten meal. Crazy J quickly searched the house while Cash casually took his sweet fucking time. J ran down the steps and told Cash that Shep wasn’t here. Cash seemed to think about it in fear of spending the next several hours trying to hunt down Shep. “C’mon” he said as they made their way to the back of the house and outside.
The backyard was lined with trees and an eight foot tall wall surrounded the property. Shep was sitting on the back porch slowly gliding back and forth on a bench swing with his head down. Cash and J seemed relieved and walked over to him. “Yo, homie! Whats up!?”
Shepard looked up at them with tears streaming down his face. They had never seen him this upset before and Crazy J had wondered if maybe something had happened to Claire; maybe she overdosed again and only this time she wasn’t so lucky. Shep tried to say something through his tears and he settled himself down.
“Its Slash yall…I had to let her go” and his bawling started again as he showed them the small top-hat he was holding in his hand. There were small pieces of flesh attached to parts of the hat where the superglue had done its job. Crazy J started looking around suspiciously.
Cash took the hat and looked at it,“Ya mean that fucking snake ya had?”
“Y-Yes…I loved Slash.” Shep continued to cry.
“ta hell ya do with it!?”
Shep pointed in the yard, “I just let her go..”
“FUCK THAT!!” Crazy J screamed as he jumped up on the oversized wood chair on the back porch. He looked around, in fear of the boa hiding in the grass somewhere in the yard. “WHERE IS THAT CREEPY FUCKING MONSTER!!! AND WHEN THE FUCK YOU GET A SNAKE!?”
“Hey!!” Shep slowed his sobbing, “I loved that snake!!! I just got her this morning...and we bonded.”
Cash motioned over at J, “Get the fuck down..It’s not like it’s gonna sneak up on ya, fuckin thing seven feet long!”
J paced around on the chair, “FUCK NO!!! Let’s go back in the house!!”
“Naw” Cash laughed, “soon as ya jump off, that big ol bitch gonna jump out and swallow ya whole!”
Fear and terror ran across Crazy J’s face and he didn’t even move. Shep seemed to be enjoying this and he stopped crying. He relaxed into the bench swing and told Cash to pull up a chair and have a seat.
“NO!!!” Crazy J screamed.
“Why not, homie!?” Shep pointed at the surroundings, “it’s a beautiful fuckin day, ..why you wanna waste it in the house!?”
“DAMNIT!! Im gonna fuckin kill you both”
Cash and Shep got a good laugh out of it. Shep seemed calmer now.
I guess Im just not very good with pets; I think I’ll give it up for the week. We got a lot of work to do anyway; we got this match coming up in a few days and there aint no way they gonna stop us. Like I said before, I’ve dreamed all my life about having a Tag Team title…I don’t think some people take it very seriously and to me that’s a huge mistake. When you the Tag Team Champion, that means you and your homie is the best team in the world because you can work together…And even before my time in ZT that’s what they’ve always done best, and that’s still how it is. …Look I got these mother fuckers with me right now!!!
Crazy J kept turning in circles on the chair, looking for the beast that was going to eat him, “This is what you call working together!? Fuck that!! Yall leaving me up here is fucked up!!”
Cash laughed, “Well get down and go in the sumbitchin house then!”
“I can’t!! If it attacks me whose gonna help me fight it off!? Not yall!! For real, this shit aint funny!!”
Careful J, its gonna smell your fear!! Then you die. But as I was sayin, even though J is mad right now, we work as a team and that’s what Zero Tolerance is all about. ZT moves as a unit, and we win as a unit. See, we already got some gold when J showed he the most hardcore mother fucker on the planet!! Some people said that Cash and I would get jealous when J won his title, but we told them: we aint jealous, we were his number one fan that night!! There’s nothing to be jealous about because all it did was motivate Cash and myself to focus on bringing home the tag belts to ZT; and finally proving to this place that we DO belong here. People still wanna laugh at us like we a fuckin joke, but we’ll see how many yall laughin when all three of us come to the ring with some gold around our waist.
Cash kept his eye on Crazy J and nodded in agreement, “Yup, we done told em we was gonna change wwssff when we got here, and--“
He was cut off by Crazy J, “yeah that’s just fucking great…let’s cut a promo later in the week, ok? That bitch is gonna attack me if I move and YALL ARE OK WITH THIS!?!?”
Chill homie, Im almost done…You made the first big impact when we got here and you got to show the WCF what you can do in singles matches; and you etched the name Zero Tolerance into their history books. Im always going to remember that because that’s when we dug our feet in and showed them were here to stay….Now, Cash and I get that chance this week. We get the chance to take those belts and get our names forever attached to the WCF and show them ZT can do it at the highest level.
It’s important to me, …and not just because I want everyone to see how good we are now; because there will come a day many years from now when you look into those record books ….and you’ll see how fast we earned our first titles and how quickly we rose to the top. And it all starts with our boys Hardcore Title and the Tag Titles that Cash and I will take this week.
Were still several days away from the match and the more I think about it Im like a little kid on Christmas Eve that cant fucking wait for Santa to come!! I just want to see my reflection in that shiny plate, I want to see my face to prove to myself that I made it from the fucking hood and made something of myself. I’ve gone through a lot of shit, Cash and I worked hard to get this opportunity and I’ll be damned if we let Tomohawk and Cap Condom take these titles back with them after Slam.
Tomohawk’s held them long enough and his time with them has run its course…and to be honest…The Tag Titles need a boost, the whole division needs a boost – and that’s what ZT provides. Cash and I are gonna show yall how it’s done, we gonna leave our mark on the Tag division and after slam, all three of us will be walking out of the arena as Champions..
Shep stood up and looked at Cash, “Should we look for Slash or just let her live free?”
Cash started walking to the gate out of the backyard, “Ah, fuck it…she’ll show up round here some time…Lets leave J out here to look for ‘er”
Shep followed him and Crazy J watched them start to walk away, “HEY!!! FUCK ARE YALL DOIN!!! DON’T LEAVE!!”
Cash yelled back as they walked away, “If ya see ‘er, just scream to let us know!”
“Hey, .. J you is a Wolverines fan, I have to show you something.”
Shep looked at his phone and held it over to Crazy J. It was a gif of Michigan Coach Jim Harbaugh picking his nose and then eating it. J watched the replay several times over with no reaction. He shrugged his shoulders and asked,
“Yea? What about it?”
Shep took his phone back, “Hes eatin his boogers!! What the fuck!?”
“Yeah, so what’s your point?”
Shep sat down on the couch across from Crazy J, “That its fucking gross, and that’s your teams coach!!”
J again just shrugged, “Well…I was always told it’s just fine to eat your boogers as long as you’re successful. Harbaugh is successful. He is going to make Nick Saban his bitch.”
Shepard laughed but J didn’t care. J was on the opposite side of the room slumped over in the large chair of Shepard’s house. Things looked a lot better around here since the last time we saw it. The house was clean, there was more furniture and Shep had moved in some of the horrific art that he collected that gave the house an awkward vibe. Echoing footsteps came down the tile floor, and Cash walked into the room, beer in hand.
“The fuckin hell is you doin!?” Cash looked over at J. J froze with his finger in his mouth and a “guilty as fuck” look on his face. He pulled his finger from his mouth and started to speak as Cash cut him off. “You just fuckin eat a boog didnya!?”
Shep recoiled from across the room, jumped off the couch and started to dry heave. It seriously grossed him out. J stuck his finger back in his nose and pulled out another as he spoke,
“Im successful…and, if you was in the desert, dying, and all you had was crusties, you be eaten em to live….you know you would bro.”
Shep and Cash just traded looks at each other as J held out his finger and walked toward Shep, “Dawg, you been successful since we brought you to ZT. You earned a snack; you can even have one of mine!” Crazy J was serious.
Shep flung himself back into the wall, knocking a picture off, where he did vomit in disgust.
Crazy J laughed, “haha you mother fuckers are stupid! …Wait, ya know…It almost hurts my feelers that yall think I would eat my boogers...”
*******************
(Later)
“Well shit the bed man, Im bout tired out.” Cash stood up from the dining room table they were all sitting at. They had finished eating the food that Erik was forcing upon them and it was still hard for Shep to even develop a taste for this kind of diet. He had eaten junk all his life - or whatever was cheapest and available. Cash looked over at Crazy J, “You goin with me?...I can take ya back.”
J collected random bits of food from everyone’s plates that was half eaten and put it all on his plate. He looked at it, turned the plate, smiled and said, “Ok! Im taking this food and giving it to Lisa. I think she’s hungry…At least her spirit can eat it!” He took the plate with him as he walked toward the door.
Cash put on his hat, finished up his beer, and leaned over the back of the chair – staring at Shep from across the table looking at him eye to eye, “You best be on yer ass by the time I get here; Imma be here fore the suns up in the mornin…” He pointed at Shep and he had never seen Cash this serious or determined before. “This the biggest match yer life, and you better be read fer it. There aint gonna be no goddamn let down this week…Fuck that, we done worked too goddamn hard!”
Shep understood, and he was already thinking back to the time that Gemini made him look like a little bitch for the whole ten seconds they were in the ring together. He had learned from that moment, he had made sure to watch it over and over again. He had made sure to get in the ring, train and correct some other issues he had; and to focus on things that had become his strengths. He had learned a lot from J, Cash, Erik and Jaymz, and he had learned fast.
“I know man. Don’t worry homie; I’ll be ready for this match!! We gonna win us some Gold!! Listen, these two guys aint shit!! We beat EVEREYONE in our fuckin way!! And these guys aint no Gemini Battle!! They aint no Twilight or Lilith!!! Not even close, dawg!!!”
Shepard laughed, but Cash didn’t find this funny at all. He slammed his fist down on the table and the echoing through the house could be heard because Sheps laughing instantly stopped. Cash didn’t yell, and Shep wasn’t sure if he was really even mad. He could see this guy was focused. Cash was a veteran, he had been in these battles before and he knew what it took to win.
“Shep, listen…Ya can talk as much shit about these two guys all ya want…I don’t give a fuck. This match is different…It’s a Title match. It don’t fuckin matter if yer facing a old lady with one leg and the bitch on a breathin machine – you gotta bring it to her like shes sumbitchin Bates or Battle if she got the gold…ya hear me?”
Cash sat back down in the chair, “It don’t matter who the fuck we facin, you gotta step it up another notch. Yea, we won some fuckin matches…so what? Fuck we got to show fer it!? Not a sumbitchin thing!! Im gone end up talkin all kinds of shit to these fuckin assholes, I bet. ..But aint no sumbitch here seen what I can do yet when you tell me I get a prize! …Ya understand what Im sayin boy? You gone work this week, harder than ya ever have in yer whole life.” He stood up again, still lookin Shep in the eye, “…don’t make me come break the goddamn door down in the morning!!”
Shep stood up, “I’ll be up!!! Ok, ok!! Im not taking the match easy!! I’ll be ready!!”
Cash nodded, “Alright..Oh, and the gerbil…You should probably feed it.”
They both looked over at the cage in the living room that we had not seen until now. Shep told him he would and Cash turned to leave, Pulling Crazy J by the sleeve to the door. J had got caught up watching old reruns of “To Catch a Predator” and had a huge grin on his face when the creepers got arrested. Cash pulled him out the door and into the night. Shep closed the door behind them and turned around and looked at his house. The huge, massive house that he still hadn’t gotten used to was too big for him. He would adjust, he hoped, but he was lonely here at night. It was hard for him to sleep and the longer he was left alone with these thoughts the worse it got. He didn’t know anyone here except his ZT family and he missed his sister, Claire. He wanted to move her up here but she had declined, and Shep knew she was back on drugs….
Pet #1
J and Cash had suggested earlier in the week that he should perhaps get a pet so he wouldn’t be alone all the time. He had never had a pet before so he wasn’t real fond of the idea and told them no at first. Cash even agreed that he may not be ready for something like a dog, but maybe something smaller - so Shep had settled with a gerbil. The critter had a nice big plastic gerbil mansion that it lived in and Shep believed the gerbil had a good home here. He had watched the gerbil move all over its colorful plastic kingdom but he didn’t feel any attachment to the creature. He didn’t think that the gerbil really gave two shits about him either, so it was hard to really even enjoy this thing. He had taken it out of its cage after J and Cash had left but even then, the Gerbil did its own thing and he didn’t really seem to care much for it, so off to the plastic mansion it went. He had sat there for a long time, his mouth hung slack and he looked kinda retarded.
…His mind had been wandering; he had been caught up in his own thoughts while watching the gerbil run about the Gerbil Kingdom. After a moment he seemed to snap out of it and thought, “What did Cash tell me to do with the Gerbil?” He stood up from the chair he had pulled over to Gerbil Kingdom and looked around the room, hoping that maybe something would catch his eye and remind him what it was. …And then he heard it..The voice, one of them, from deep in his mind. The voice came from soo deep in his mind, and mixed with his current mental state he assumed it was just a thought from the normal part of his brain. The voice repeated what Cash had told him, “Alright..Oh, and the gerbil…You should probably eat it.”
He played the scene back in his mind, Cash had told him to “eat it” and they both looked at the cage before he walked out the door. He KNEW that’s what Cash said…It had to be!! What else would he have said?
“Then it looks like we have to eat it!” The voice came again and Shep never considered that it wasn’t a “normal” thought. He opened the top part of Gerbil Kingdom and reached around inside until the gerbil was in his grasp. His eyes were half open in a far off stare as he made his way to the kitchen, dragging his feet with every step. He put the drain stopper in the large kitchen sink and carelessly tossed the gerbil in there. Its little feet could be heard scurrying against the metal sink, unable to climb up the tall sides. Shep reached into a cabinet and pulled out several pots and pans; the quietness of the house erupting with clangs and loud noises as they hit the floor. He found a pan that he liked although it wasn’t very big, but he seemed satisfied as he searched through another cabinet and found some oil. He sat the pan on the stove and put in a few drops of the oil, not really knowing what he was doing or how to cook. Shep blankly turned the dial on the stove and the flame shot up from underneath the pan; the flame enhanced the glare in his eyes and a weird smile formed over his face as the voices came….
“Dinner. It’ll be good.”
“Yes, delicious.”
“You’re going to love it.”
The voices talked to him, and he found for the first time in his life, he agreed with them. The voices had told him the same thing that Cash did, “Eat the gerbil.” So maybe things were finally starting to turn around, he wondered. This excited him because the voices in his head had finally agreed with a real person not in his head. And still, it never registered in his mind that the voice had told him to eat the gerbil – not feed it like Cash had actually suggested. He was mixing reality with the voices and he was unaware of this. He reached into the sink and pulled out the gerbil. He could feel it moving in his hand, moving faster than it ever had before….The gerbil knew that something was wrong… Shep walked over to the pan on the stove and tossed the little gerbil in. It cried out in a little squeak and its tiny feet could be heard moving furiously from side to side, trying to jump over the side of the pan.
“Woah!! Hey! Little bastard!!” Shep grabbed a spatula and knocked it back in the pan where it let out another squeal of pain and finally, the sound of its little feet came to a stop as they seared away in the bottom of the pan. The cameraman gagged but managed to hold it in as the smell of burning hair overtook the room. The pan sizzled occasionally with smoke rising from the top as Shep sprinkled in a little basil and pepper, then put on the glass lid. He looked over at the camera, his paint smeared on the left side of his face. But he seemed happy, and oddly satisfied.
He walked over to the camera, “Cash was right. If I eat it, I won’t be lonely anymore!!”
The cameraman gagged again as Shep walked out of the kitchen and sat on the couch in the dark living room. His face couldn’t be seen, only the clouds he blew from his vape box as he sat there for hours, lost in his thoughts…arguing with the voices in his head.
*********
(The next day)
Cash beat on the front door of Sheps mansion with frustration. He had told Shep to have his ass ready or he was going to break down the door. He looked at his phone and it said 5:53am. He muttered cuss words to himself and put his phone back in his pocket as he beat on the door one more time. Then it occurred to him, …Just open the door. He did, and the dark house was completely silent as he walked in. He looked at the two rooms in front of him and saw Gerbil Kingdom still in the corner.
“SHEP!!” He yelled as he walked through the house.
He took a left at the end of the hallway and saw Shep sitting in the same spot he left him last night, at the dining room table. The remains of the food they had eaten from the night before were still on the table. Cash hollered at Shep again, but he never looked up from the plate that was sitting in front of him. Cash noticed that he looked like shit and could see something was wrong. Shep raised his head, fresh paint had been added and his face was painted like a skull. He had milky white contacts in each eye and he only looked at Cash, never saying a word.
“Fuck is that smell?” Cash muttered as he entered the dining room. He got a little angry as he approached, “Goddamnit, Shep, I done told yer ass last night to be ready!!! We gotta train fer this fight and you look like SHIT!!”
Shep turned his head and looked at Cash, “I couldn’t do it man…”
“Do what!?”
“I couldn’t eat it, homie.”
“EAT WHAT!
Hell is ya talkin bout, boy!?”Shep pointed at the plate in front of him. Disgust came over Cash’s face as he looked at the thing on Sheps plate. He then looked back at Shep and tried to say something but Cash had no words for this so Shep spoke up.
“You told me to eat it, …I couldn’t”
“IS THAT YER GERBIL!?!?”
“Yeah, when you left you told me to eat it.”
“NO!!!” Cash roared, “I told you do FEED it…FEED it, not EAT it!!”
Shep sighed and he seemed relieved, “Oh good…because I could barely choke down the tail.”
Cash only looked at the plate. All the hair had been burnt off and the body was crispy black. The ears and its little feet had also been burned off. Only a small piece of the tail remained. “Fuckin hell, boy!! … Hang on, let me get a pic, J gonna love dis shit…fuck was you thinkin!?...Problem is ya didn’t cook it right. I eaten plenty of tree rats fore..These yankees round here call em squirrels, but its good…You just done burnt it all ta hell!”
Shep stood up from the chair, “I dunno what I was thinkin dawg!!! Fuckin….all these ….new, nasty foods that Erik’s making me eat!!! I was hungry!!!” Shep was getting frustrated and pulled on his short blue hair, “And I dunno, I thought you said eat it…and I thought that was a good idea at the time!!”
Shep paused and paced to the other side of the table, “But I guess I was flippin out and didn’t even realize it...”
“It’s alright” Cash said as he snapped a few more pictures.
“I need a real pet though. That gerbil wasn’t for me…”
Cash just nodded in agreement as Shep walked away and disappeared upstairs. A few minutes later he came back down in his in different clothes and a hat; and the two men walked out the door on their way to prepare for winning the Tag Belts.
**********
Pet#2
(Bloomfield Hills, MI)
It was pleasantly nice outside and there was a good breeze pushing through the trees. Shep had never realized how much he loved to hear the noise of the leaves rustling in the wind. Life was different here in Michigan, more so than it ever had been in the concrete jungle of Houston. These people thought he talked funny, but he didn’t think so. It was THEM who talked funny ..These Yankees…and then he realized that, in a way, he said a lot of the same things that Cash did. Cash was from Mississippi so he had a different accent than Shep’s Texan drawl, but they were both raised in the south. He and Cash had bonded a lot more since they moved to Michigan, and Shep believed it was because maybe Cash felt the same way as Shep…They were both in a different place where everyone said they talked weird.
The sun had hidden behind the tall trees on the western horizon and the breeze made the evening seem cooler than it really was. The view came from Shepards driveway looking out toward the neighborhood; where we saw our favorite painted up schizo slowly coming down the street with something in his hand that appeared to be a leash. He was blocked from about the waist down by a short brick wall that ran the length of the sidewalk on his property. His hat was turned around backward and he wore a bright blue ZT hockey jersey; and he kept looking down to whatever was on the end of the leash…Whatever it was didn’t seem to wanna move, judging from the way Shep was pulling on the leash. The cameraman walked down the long driveway, past the huge hole in Sheps yard where the tree used to be that Crazy J uprooted and transported to Lisa’s grave. We came past the wall and saw Shep in plain view, and his pet…which was a seven foot long Boa that was tan colored with dark brown markings running the length of its body. He had a skateboard under the snake, but most of the reptile was dragging along the ground. The snake was wearing a collar with a dog-bone name tag that sat on the skateboard. It also wore a small black top-hat on its head. Shep looked up and almost seemed surprised,
“Oh hey!!” He waved, he seemed very happy. “So yall gotta check this out!!! What yall think about my new pet!? I named her Slash!! Because Slash has snakes, and he’s one of my favorite musicians! ..And he had Slashes Snake Pit, …so uh, it just seemed fitting to me!”
He looked back down at the snake, then back at the camera, “And Im sure your wondering why Im walking this snake. Well, I got bored of watching him sit around the house not doing anything…So I figured I would walk him. I think he likes it better out here than in the hot house. It’s nice and cool out here. “
Shep reached down and adjusted the snake back on the skateboard and petted it a few times, then talked to it like it was a puppy, “Who’s a good girl!? Yes you are!!! Yes you are a good girl!!” He looked back up and smiled. He was genuinely happy.
So, Slash has kept me from being too lonely last night and today, and I think this might actually work out for me this time!! I haven’t been able to sleep well this week and I know it’s because Im soo fucking excited for this match. FUCCKK!!! I wish the match was today!!! I can’t even put into words how fucking excited I am to get this opportunity to win the Tag belts!! I dreamed about this shit all my life ever since I was a little kid!! I’ve waited my whole life to strap one of those belts around my waist and it’s FINALLY going to happen. Yup, that’s right, we aint gonna lose…
The snake worked her way off the skateboard and Shep repositioned her and started to walk and pulled the leash..
Im not being arrogant, ..or cocky. No, none of that. I go into every match believing that Im going to win…because if you don’t, you just have a fucking loser’s attitude. I didn’t step into that ring with Battle trying to run away, ..Hell no!!! I came to fight, and I didn’t provide him one! Haha….But the point is, I don’t fucking run from anyone. I don’t care who they are, I don’t care if they a big bad mother fucker like Oblivion or a living legend like Corey Black. Guess what!? SHEP DON’T CARE BITCHES!!!! But let’s be real here, ..these guys aint no Corey Black or Twilight. This week we got Cap Condom, and the one real Tag Team Champ Tomohawk. I say the “one real champion” because Cap Condom didn’t fucking EARN his way into the match. He was just lucky enough to be named a fucking Champion and it was given to him…not earned. Cash and I had to beat some of the biggest names in the business and Cap was just be GIVEN a spot???
He shook his head in disapproval as they passed his driveway and they kept walking down the street. Shep waved at the neighbors who were still a ways up ahead because the yards were soo big, but they didn’t return the wave.
That aint right man…But it’s all good, cause Cap won’t be a Tag Team Champion very long. Ya know, when we came here J and I talked about FrEeKsHoW being Tag Team champions but it didn’t quite work out that way, ..for J at least. But that’s all good too!! Cause I like workin with Cash, he’s been doing this for a long time and he knows his way around the ring as well as anyone. I’ve had my eyes set on these two belts since we walked in the WCF’s door and Im finally gonna get my shot with the Hillbilly Hero, …and let me tell ya…I aint gonna let my ZT brothers down.
J and Cash work too hard for me to let them down, and I don’t even wanna look Erik Black in the face if I fuckin blow this match. That mother fucker will kick my ass, …or just have Jaymz kill me, whichever. But I aint gonna blow it, I learned my lesson since I got pinned and I took that shit to heart. I didn’t let yall see it, but that shit HURT man!! Hurt my pride a little bit, and Im determined to never let it happen again.. Or well, not this week at least….Not when there gold on the line!
Shep saw two females jogging up the street that were very good looking an in shape. One was wearing a green top, and the other was in a pink top – and Shep noticed that Pink Top had a defined six-pack. He had seen them the other day, and surprisingly, they were the only people that had acknowledged him since he had moved in. They looked to be in their late thirties and Shep straightened up as they got closer; pushing out his chest while watching their boobs bounce up and down …that brought him great joy.
“Hello ladies” He said confidently as they approached. Slash the snake and the TV camera had gotten their attention and they slowed down as they got to Shep and the one in the green top spoke up.
“Oh wow!! That’s a pretty big snake you got there!!” She said with a smile.
Shep’s smile was even bigger, “If you think Slash is big, you should see my dick!!”
The two girls made a noise like “uugghh!!” in total disgust as they glanced at each other. Shep could tell they wanted to be on TV at this point, and it was the only reason that they stuck around. He reached down and petted Slash, “Yes she is a good girl, aren’t you Slash?”
Pink Top stepped closer, bent down and touched it. “I love snakes..my brother used to have one when we were kids. You say you named him Slash?”
Shep quickly corrected her, “It’s a her, not a him. Yes, I named HER Slash…like the guy from Guns N Roses.”
Pink Top looked confused, “Uum..But Slash isn’t a girl.”
“I Knnooowwww!!” Shep rolled his eyes and shook his head, “But I wanted to name her Slash anyway.”
Slash’s tongue flicked in out several times as Pink Top continued to pet the snake. Shep liked this, and he wanted Pink Top to pet HIS snake too! “Soo um, you see how fast his tongue flickers around like that…They say pets resemble their owners…You go wash that ass of yours and I’ll show you what I mean!”
She stood up and slapped him across the face, getting paint on her hands and smearing it across his cheek. “You are a fucking pervert, asshole!!”
“What!?” Shep looked like he didn’t understand, “I wasn’t trying to be a pervert!!”
“Let’s go” Green top said as she started to walk away.
Slash worked her way off the skateboard and the girls noticed the small Top Hat didn’t move at all, so Green Top asked, “How did you get that hat to stay on its head?”
Shep could sense her pissed off tone and knew what she was getting at but he didn’t care, “Oh, I super glued it there.”
“You did WHAT!?!?” Pink Top was appalled and pulled the headphones jack out of her phone and started to tap the screen. “Oh, no…Im calling the cops.”
“THE COPS!?” Shep looked confused and pissed all at the same time. “Why would you do that!?”
She gave him a shitty smile as she put the phone to her ear, “Because it’s animal cruelty …you dumbass.”
Sheps jaw dropped, his crooked yellow teeth stood out and he started to shake. He closed his mouth and quickly looked to both sides in fear. This started to frighten the girls and they took a step back toward the street. Pink Tops call finally got answered and as she started to explain the situation Shep gave her the most evil, hate filled look he had ever given anyone. He wanted to kill her. He wanted to tear her body apart and feed pieces of it to Slash until there was nothing left of her. The urge to take a step forward, wrap his hands around her throat and squeeze was like no impulse he had in his entire life. But another thought took over, the sane, rational part of his mind told him to take Slash and RUN!!! He reached down to the snake with a quickness and gathered up the boa and took off running down the street, leaving the skateboard behind. Pink Top was still on the phone and told the police what direction he was running.
Shep ran, his mind racing even faster than his feet as he held the boa close to his chest like a baby. What was wrong with him?? He was having thoughts he never had before and it wasn’t the voices. The voices were clear and he knew each and every one of them. They all had names. But these thoughts like killing Pink Top right there in the middle of the street, or actually BELIEVING that Cash told him to really eat the fucking gerbil!!! These weren’t the voices, the ones that had told him to do horrible things all his life; and he had mostly managed to ignore them and the awful things they suggested he do. ..This was different. Did the voices finally take over my whole brain, he wondered? Is this it? Am I fully insane now?...And the cops!!! The cops are coming!!!
He ran faster, passing two more large pieces of property before getting to his house, running up the driveway and disappearing into the backyard.
*******
As Pink Top got off the phone with the police a car came over the hill driving the direction in which Shep ran. For a moment they thought it may have been the cops, but they quickly saw it was a black hearst. They slowly drove up the street and Jason Cash stuck his head out of the passenger window.
“Howdy!” He smiled and winked at them. Both Green Top and Pink Top blushed.
“I was wonderin if you purty ladies could help me with somethin?”
Pink and Green now looked like they were in Junior High as they giggled at Cash and looked at each other. He had done it again. They nodded and he continued.
“Yall aint happen ta see someone like this guy runnin round, have ya?” He motioned to Crazy J in the driver seat. J smiled and waved. The girls did not, and the attraction for Cash they had disappeared faster than he had laid it on them. Those pissed off looks came back to their faces as Green Top yelled,
“Yea!!!! Your asshole friend ran that way after we called the cops on him!!”
Crazy J leaned over as far as he could toward the passenger window, “You bitch!! You called the cops on him!?”
“FUCK YOU!!” Green Top yelled as she flipped them off and tried to spit at Cash, but he dodged it with ease as Crazy J drove off..
“Shit, dawg” J looked worried, “You know that fool run off when he think people are after him. That’s why he didn’t answer his phone.”
Cash agreed, “Sumbitch!! I hope we aint gotta go find his ass...Shouldn be hard to fine em …not in this place...”
Cash pulled out his phone and dialed a number as Crazy J pulled into Shep’s driveway. Crazy J parked the hearst and they got out as the person answered Cash’s call. “Yea, Erik, Its Jason…Listen…I dunno what ta fuckin hells goin on yet…but some ol gal called the cops on Shep……(pause)…….Yeah, we’ll find Shep, you jus get the pigs ta back off. …….alright, later.”
He put his phone back and followed Crazy J into the house. Gerbil Kingdom was still there even though the gerbil itself had become an uneaten meal. Crazy J quickly searched the house while Cash casually took his sweet fucking time. J ran down the steps and told Cash that Shep wasn’t here. Cash seemed to think about it in fear of spending the next several hours trying to hunt down Shep. “C’mon” he said as they made their way to the back of the house and outside.
The backyard was lined with trees and an eight foot tall wall surrounded the property. Shep was sitting on the back porch slowly gliding back and forth on a bench swing with his head down. Cash and J seemed relieved and walked over to him. “Yo, homie! Whats up!?”
Shepard looked up at them with tears streaming down his face. They had never seen him this upset before and Crazy J had wondered if maybe something had happened to Claire; maybe she overdosed again and only this time she wasn’t so lucky. Shep tried to say something through his tears and he settled himself down.
“Its Slash yall…I had to let her go” and his bawling started again as he showed them the small top-hat he was holding in his hand. There were small pieces of flesh attached to parts of the hat where the superglue had done its job. Crazy J started looking around suspiciously.
Cash took the hat and looked at it,“Ya mean that fucking snake ya had?”
“Y-Yes…I loved Slash.” Shep continued to cry.
“ta hell ya do with it!?”
Shep pointed in the yard, “I just let her go..”
“FUCK THAT!!” Crazy J screamed as he jumped up on the oversized wood chair on the back porch. He looked around, in fear of the boa hiding in the grass somewhere in the yard. “WHERE IS THAT CREEPY FUCKING MONSTER!!!
AND WHEN THE FUCK YOU GET A SNAKE!?”“Hey!!” Shep slowed his sobbing, “I loved that snake!!! I just got her this morning...and we bonded.”
Cash motioned over at J, “Get the fuck down..It’s not like it’s gonna sneak up on ya, fuckin thing seven feet long!”
J paced around on the chair, “FUCK NO!!! Let’s go back in the house!!”
“Naw” Cash laughed, “soon as ya jump off, that big ol bitch gonna jump out and swallow ya whole!”
Fear and terror ran across Crazy J’s face and he didn’t even move. Shep seemed to be enjoying this and he stopped crying. He relaxed into the bench swing and told Cash to pull up a chair and have a seat.
“NO!!!” Crazy J screamed.
“Why not, homie!?” Shep pointed at the surroundings, “it’s a beautiful fuckin day, ..why you wanna waste it in the house!?”
“DAMNIT!! Im gonna fuckin kill you both”
Cash and Shep got a good laugh out of it. Shep seemed calmer now.
I guess Im just not very good with pets; I think I’ll give it up for the week. We got a lot of work to do anyway; we got this match coming up in a few days and there aint no way they gonna stop us. Like I said before, I’ve dreamed all my life about having a Tag Team title…I don’t think some people take it very seriously and to me that’s a huge mistake. When you the Tag Team Champion, that means you and your homie is the best team in the world because you can work together…And even before my time in ZT that’s what they’ve always done best, and that’s still how it is. …Look I got these mother fuckers with me right now!!!
Crazy J kept turning in circles on the chair, looking for the beast that was going to eat him, “This is what you call working together!? Fuck that!! Yall leaving me up here is fucked up!!”
Cash laughed, “Well get down and go in the sumbitchin house then!”
“I can’t!! If it attacks me whose gonna help me fight it off!? Not yall!! For real, this shit aint funny!!”
Careful J, its gonna smell your fear!! Then you die. But as I was sayin, even though J is mad right now, we work as a team and that’s what Zero Tolerance is all about. ZT moves as a unit, and we win as a unit. See, we already got some gold when J showed he the most hardcore mother fucker on the planet!! Some people said that Cash and I would get jealous when J won his title, but we told them: we aint jealous, we were his number one fan that night!! There’s nothing to be jealous about because all it did was motivate Cash and myself to focus on bringing home the tag belts to ZT; and finally proving to this place that we DO belong here. People still wanna laugh at us like we a fuckin joke, but we’ll see how many yall laughin when all three of us come to the ring with some gold around our waist.
Cash kept his eye on Crazy J and nodded in agreement, “Yup, we done told em we was gonna change wwssff when we got here, and--“
He was cut off by Crazy J, “yeah that’s just fucking great…let’s cut a promo later in the week, ok? That bitch is gonna attack me if I move and YALL ARE OK WITH THIS!?!?”
Chill homie, Im almost done…You made the first big impact when we got here and you got to show the WCF what you can do in singles matches; and you etched the name Zero Tolerance into their history books. Im always going to remember that because that’s when we dug our feet in and showed them were here to stay….Now, Cash and I get that chance this week. We get the chance to take those belts and get our names forever attached to the WCF and show them ZT can do it at the highest level.
It’s important to me, …and not just because I want everyone to see how good we are now; because there will come a day many years from now when you look into those record books ….and you’ll see how fast we earned our first titles and how quickly we rose to the top. And it all starts with our boys Hardcore Title and the Tag Titles that Cash and I will take this week.
Were still several days away from the match and the more I think about it Im like a little kid on Christmas Eve that cant fucking wait for Santa to come!! I just want to see my reflection in that shiny plate, I want to see my face to prove to myself that I made it from the fucking hood and made something of myself. I’ve gone through a lot of shit, Cash and I worked hard to get this opportunity and I’ll be damned if we let Tomohawk and Cap Condom take these titles back with them after Slam.
Tomohawk’s held them long enough and his time with them has run its course…and to be honest…The Tag Titles need a boost, the whole division needs a boost – and that’s what ZT provides. Cash and I are gonna show yall how it’s done, we gonna leave our mark on the Tag division and after slam, all three of us will be walking out of the arena as Champions..
Shep stood up and looked at Cash, “Should we look for Slash or just let her live free?”
Cash started walking to the gate out of the backyard, “Ah, fuck it…she’ll show up round here some time…Lets leave J out here to look for ‘er”
Shep followed him and Crazy J watched them start to walk away, “HEY!!! FUCK ARE YALL DOIN!!! DON’T LEAVE!!”
Cash yelled back as they walked away, “If ya see ‘er, just scream to let us know!”
*************
