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Post by Ultimate destroyer on Sept 12, 2016 20:15:24 GMT -5
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Post by Dionysus on Sept 13, 2016 10:17:26 GMT -5
Before going too far into this, keep in mind that most of what I'm saying are suggestions. They aren't required to be followed. I can also be kind of blunt, but don't take that as me being offensive. I just prefer to not pull punches as far as critiquing goes.
With that in mind, I'll break it down by section.
Name - Like it, but maybe provide a shortened version for writing purposes. Could be El Fuego.
Gimmick - We got a lot of insane daredevils. The lucha style helps, but still. Additionally, I'm not sure how you'll get your character's conviction across with an inability to speak. Lastly, if he's so badly burned that he can't speak, how can he get in the ring and compete? Sounds like a bullseye on the back to me. Just something to consider revising.
Weight - Incorporate this. It will impact your style.
Hometown - Its a fallback option, but not a bad one. Given the gimmick, I'd even try just a generic location, such as "The Depths of the Furnace."
Alignment - Skipping over (this can change through RP anyway, so...)
Appearance/Attire - What is the style of the mask? What does the outfit look like?
Entrance - Pretty short, but a good start. I'd add more to this, personally.
Style - Foley wasn't really a mixed brawler/high flyer. He stuck with mostly brawler throughout his career, with a dash of technical. Given how your character does flips, high flyer should be your primary.
Favorite Moves - So you have two hardcore attacks and three actual moves. I'd find at least two more moves to flesh this out, if not more. I'd also get rid of the hardcore attacks; you've conveyed this through your style.
Signature Moves - So you're a high flyer that can pull off powerbombs? Off the top rope? Into a table? It sounds incredibly situational. Signature moves are supposed to be a set-up for your finisher, and this sounds like a finisher instead of a signature move. I'd try finding something else.
Finisher - So...You go through the ropes, pulling the opponent through as well...out onto the floor? I'm trying to picture it but it isn't coming through. On top of which, it doesn't seem to deliver as much impact as your signature move. I'd change this.
Overall: A good start, but could use some tweeking, particularly with moves and finalizing a style.
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Post by Gemini Battle on Sept 13, 2016 14:39:52 GMT -5
This is gravedigger. It's fine the way it is Michael. Keep it up.
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Post by Oath Breaker on Sept 14, 2016 2:56:30 GMT -5
reminds me of a character 'Magic Mirror' I once faced (as a different character)
The whole gimmick itself is that he has no identity and borrows the one from his next opponent.
Every new opponent he had, he would 'steal' a trademark or finisher, and it would get incorporated into Magic Mirror's active moves set. Even though the moves aren't supposed to go together, he always found unique angles to send in to make these moves seem like part of a master plan of attack.
Don't worry if Fuego doesn't have a lot right now. As time goes on, a move will get added, more detail to the entrance, more character money to afford the better, more detailed lucha face masks, etc. You're fine where you're at, more will come as character progresses. No need to flesh out a new character until you know you can post as him, and let storyline take the rest.
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Post by Ultimate destroyer on Sept 14, 2016 15:11:09 GMT -5
yeah I might change the no talking bit somehow along the line ....
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