yall are facin zero tolerance
Sept 9, 2016 16:33:45 GMT -5
via mobile
Lilith, Crazy J zt, and 1 more like this
Post by jasoncash on Sept 9, 2016 16:33:45 GMT -5
It was an over cast day. Dark clouds blanketed the sky. Rain was definitely in the forcast. Our hero, wearing his jeans, ZT shirt, and cowboy hat, stood in the front lawn of a very large house. The house resembled a castle. It was massive and decorated with river rock. Trees lined the long driveway, but also separated the home from the other houses. It was, to put it midlely, beautiful. The house was simply gorgeous. It was one of those houses you saw in better homes and gardens. It was, to put it flatly, not Jason's style.
Jason wasn't alone. A rather nice looking blonde lady in a blue business suit stood beside him. Her hair hung down to her waist. She had legs for days sticking out of the bottom of her blue skirt. And those titties? They were huge. This was a realtor.
You see, Erik had advised that everyone move to the Detroit area. Zero Tolerance was going to reestablish its main office and everyone needed to be close. Unfortunately, that meant that Jason's family had to pick up and move. Jason was never much of a city boy. He prefered the country where he could take a piss outside without anyone complaining. Where the nearest neighbor was half a mile aways
Jason didn't mind though. What Sin had said to him struck a chord. It unnerved him. Jason wouldn't let anything bad happen to him or his family. Atlesst that's the impression he got from Sin. He'd never been one to worry about himself. Getting to his family was the only way to get to him. And it had. So he'd jumped when Erik wanted them all to move to Michigan
And so here he was, with a pretty blonde realtor who kept looking at his crotch, looking at a huge home. To tell the truth, the house didnt fit Jason. It was much too nice for our hillbilly hero. He was a simple man, but this house was fancy and massive. He did like the huge yard.
"I can put out my chickens out here", He thought to himself.
The realtor, who had grown tired of the awkward silence, finally broke it. "So this is the outside. The house was built in two thousand. It is 4 thousand square feet and sits on a 4 acre lot.", she said, trying to get Jason's attention. It got it. Jason looked at her. "That a hell of a lot a land. I can put my sumbitchin chickens out thar", he said. It took a few minutes for this to process in the young blonde's mind. She was staring at his crotch when he spoke, but his accent was very hard for her to understand. "I'm sorry, Did you say chickens?", she asked. Jason nodded. "Yup. Gotta whole mess of em.", He answered. "they'd have plenty of room over yonder by that big oak tree.", he added.
She looked at him wide eyed. "You cant have chickens out here, Mr. Cash. The neighbors would complain.", she said. Jason grinned. "Well then I reckon I'll damn it take it.", He said. Jason didn’t exactly like the house. It was too big for him. He loved the land, but pissing off neighbors was soemthing he couldn’t resist.
She smiled at him widely. "I’m so glad.", she said out loud. But under her breathe she whispered, "Two of these freaks living here?!". Oh yes, this house was on the same block as Salem's new house.
Now, usually it takes a week or two in order to ge the keys and the loans for the house. But this was Zero Tolerance. They did whatever they wanted to do and had their hands in everything. Was that needed here? fuck no! Jason simply handed her a check, signed a paper and the house was his. Teh blonde thanked him profusely. Jason ignored her mostly. He'd heard it all before when he bought his trailer.
"That'll do lil darlin", Jason said to the very pretty blonde. She blushed a shade of red that is rarely seen. I'm talking beet red. This girl couldn’t get any redder. Jason noticed and smiled to himself. "Yall like my accent, huh?", he asked. She nodded. "Exotic to yall, huh?", He asked. Again, she nodded. Jason could only laugh.
You understand that Salem and Crazy J have always wondered exactly why Jason could pull women so easy. They never really caught on. It was his accent. Women love his southern draw. All the guy really ever had to do was say "Hey Yall", and pantied dropped. Hell, his wife is from Pennsylvania. How do you think he got her? He sang to her of course. She loved his accent. He loved her booty. It was a match made in heaven.
"You wanna go inside, donthca?", Jason asked with a wide grin before spitting on the lush, green grass. She nodded. "The house comes fully furnished.", She said. Jason smilled wider. "You know I'm sumbitchin married, right?, he asked. She nodded. "Your wife doesn’t have to know"
And Jason started laughing even harder. "You know she'd damn it find out anyway, right? We on camera. You one of them wild girls what likes ta get down on camera?", he asked. Her faced turned red. Was it from embarassment? Was she mad? Who knows. She did, however, keep glancing down at his crotch. "It aint gone damn happen, honey.", he said as he rubbed his crotch with a smile. Jason just liked to know he still had it...and it was clear that he did.
Frustrated, our blonde realtor turned to leave. Jason watched her hips sway as she walked away. He then turned back and looked at the massive house
"Well look whos movin on up in the world! ME! Yea..thats right. See that big ole house up there? That’s mine. Bought it just now. Don’t really like it all that much. Too damn big..But it's mine. But hell..that aint the only damn thang movin up. Hell now. Me and Shep whooped the holy hell outa that injun. That retard, and that fake as all hell gladiator sumbitch. Nightrider wasn’t no damn help. We didn’t damnit thank he was gone be no help either. We don’t rely on other folks ya see. And we walked inta Slam... We beat whole sale ass like we damn it said we was gone do..and we walked out. That’s how we do thangs. And cant no damn body do it like we can."
He spit tobacco on the grass.
"This week here gone be an excitin one. See..Shep and me? We got a match fer the number one contenders fer the tag belts. We one step closer to our goal. That goal bein that ZT has three belts all at the same damn time. Only folks in our sumbitchin way is a crazy bitch and an ole sumbitch what remind me of that sumbitch from that movie. Whatcha call it? B-Rad? Yall know what in the hell I'm talkin bout
Now these two sumbitches just fought for the right ta face us. That’s right... People fightin fer the sumbitchin right ta face me and Shep. And these two sumbitches damn it won. Cant say they got lucky. Hell they aint worth a pint a piss in that rang. Lilith? She batshit crazy. Aint worth a damn in that rang...But that ole girl... Holy hell. I'd say she crazy, but I reckon she damn it knows. Ole bitch crazier than a pet coon. Does she belong in that ran with a man? Hell naw. That ole crazy bitch only belongs in a damn kitchen. She don’t look like she can cook..but that aint the damn point. The point is that the crazy bitch don’t damn it belong in the ran with a man. Sarah Twilight didn’t...and this ole bitch is exactly the same.
Then her sumbitchin partner. Is this sumbitch a damn joke? He's like Cap Wssf only he aint dressed like a damn condom. Hell naw..He some kinda fake ass ganster with his hat on all wrong.. Be boppin round here like he damn it retarded. Aint seen nothin like that mess. And don’t wanna see no more of it. I reckon we just gone have ta cripple his ignorant old ass.
Now I know..Lilith... She been round here fer a while. She done beat some folks worth beat..Or so they say. I mean.. I reckon it's somethin ta set Oblivion on fire er some shit. I reckon that’s somethin if yer a woman. I mean..He big an all.. But he aint all that dangerous..Unless yer a cat. Sumbitch loves ta murder pets. But Lilith did away with that sumbitch. She gotta be somethin dangerous right? Naw..Uh huh. Not at all. This ole bitch aint never fought no damn body like us. We them tough sumbitches that come round and just whoop every damn body. We own the join. We destroy it. We leave. That’s what we do. Lilith aint never faced a single sumbitch like us. Not one single damn time. Ole girl might wanna learn how ta cook. I wont kick her in her perty little face if she learns how ta fry some chicken.
And that Candy man? He aint no damn better. He can run his damn mouth bout a mile a minute. That help you in a damn fight? Hell naw. That aint worth a damn in a fight. This poor sumbitch in fer a rude ass awakenin. This week that sumbitch aint fightin a steroid usin fool. Hell naw. He's fightin Jason Cash and Salem Shepard. Yall better damn it be ready.
It was about mid day when the sun finally peeked through the dark clouds, casting ominous shadows every where the eye could see. The sun was fighting off the inevitable down pour as best as it could.
Jason Cash was sitting in the bed of his rusted old truck, beer in hand and his guitar laying beside him. He was enjoying his day with a little music. There was a pad and pencil sitting on top of the guitar. It had scribbles on it. Jason couldn't really read too good. His writing was worse.
"Yo homie!"
Jason perked up his ears. Could it be? Yes! Crazy J and Salem were pulling up the driveway in a black hearse. Salem had half his body hanging out of the passenger side. Jason grinned and shook his head.
" Welcome ta sumbitchin Castle Drunkskull!", he yelled as the duo stopped and got out. Both wore jeans with red ZT hockey jerseys. Their faces were painted white with black around the eyes. Crazy J looked over at Salem. "You know Spanish, dawg. The fuck this redneck say?", he whispered. Salem laughed. "You ain't right, homie. He said welcome to castle drunkskull.".
"Yall know..Like He Man. Greyskull? Fuck yall!", Jason laughed. "I see you homie. This joint aint gonna know what hit it!", said Salem looking around un awe of his surrounding. "Hell yea man. Them sumbitches already done called the law in yer ass..wait till I tear this sumbitch down and put my trailer over here..chicken in the front yard. Hell Im thankin bout gettin a donkey.", Jason said as he took a drink of his beer.
" You gonna tear down this house?", J asked. Cash nodded. "Sumbitch too damn big fer me. Too ritzy too. I dont like it.", Jason answered.
Salem noticed the guitar. "You been singin? You straight spit that venom last week.", Salem said as he nodded at the guitar. Jason grinned. "Venom, huh? I aint did a damn than but tell the damn truth. That Cap wssff was retarded as hell.", He answered. Crazy J walked over and picked up the guitar. " You gonna play us some?", J asked. Cash shook his head. "Naw man. Im gone go on Americas Got Talent. Yall can damn it hear that mess there.", Cash answered matter of factly. J stopped for a second and grinned.
It wasn't your normal Crazy J grin. It was an evil grin. The kind you make when you're up to no good.
"I'll be right back."
J took out his phone and walked away., leaving Shep and Cash alone. Cash grinned and reached behind him. He brought out a bottle of hienz kechup. Shep jumped back, eyes wide. "Come put this kechup on nugget boy!", Jason yelled with a laugh. Shep didnt look happy. His eyes were wide. "Calm down, hoss. You ain't no damn chicken nugget.", Jason said with a grin. Shep stared at him. "That shit aint cool homie. Thought I was freakin out.", Salem said. He stared until Cash put the kechup away. "Whatchu think about Lilith? This bitch cray or what?", Salem asked. Cash only shook his head. "That bitch crazy as a pet coon...with herpes.", Jason Cash answered. Salem giggled. "Hell man. I passed her in the hallway at Slam..Smelled like fish been sittin out in the sun fer a sumbitchin week.", Cash said.
"Yo that's cold.", Salem said. Cash shrugged his shoulders. "Dont matter. They're have better luck pickin up a turd from the clean end than whoopin our ass", Jason said, as serious as we've ever heard.
"Aight. Bet.", Crazy J said before hanging up. He walked back over to his boys.
" Yo Dawg. You playin at a club tonight. Cowboys. Yo ass starts at ten tonight. They all gone be there. Simon. That Nick guy..The one that was fuckin Mariah Carey.", J said trying to his his laughter. Salem caught on and shot him a look. Jason took a big gulp of beer. Salem whispered to J.
"I know that look."
Crazy J grinned. " It's a gay bar. We got Cash playing at a gay bar.", J said with a grin.
....gay bar?...
Jason Cash stood in a dark spot in what appeared to a backstage area. He was dressed in his usual get up and had his black acoustic guitar strapped to his back. He looked nervous which was a little odd. This was Jason Cash. He never got nervous.
He didn't have to wait long before a tall, black haired white guy dressed in skinny jeans and a tight, pink shirt came over. Jason held out his hand. The guy grabbed it. "Nick Cannon..You look white as hell in person. Yall ready fer me?", Jason said. Before this guy could even ask, Jason ran on stage.
The place was packed with men who looked too pretty to be men, and women both rough looking and hot as hell.
The stage was lower, wich made the performer feel as if they were in the crowd. Jason like it as it made him feel more comfortable. Our hero twisted his guitar around and grabbed the mic.
" Shake it baby!", came a yell. Jason simply laughed though he had no idea where it came from. " Thank yall fer havin me. This here song is called Yer facin Zero Tolerance dot dot dot Lilith yer a whore", he said. And then he started strumming a song that sounded familiar to the hank Williams classic "there's a tear in my beer".
"There's a tear in yer beer and yer cryin lordy dear....You are facin Zero Tolerance.
Oh Lilith yer a whore. Ya keep provin it more an more... You are facin Zero Tolerance.
Oh girl you smell like fish...fuck with me oh girl ya wish....You are facin Zero Tolerance.
Skittlze yer a rapper come this Sunday you'll be a tapper. Oh you are facin Zero Tolerance.
Oh son..yer a bitch and Im startin ta get that itch. Oh you are facin Zero Tolerance
Yall aint done a thang. Yall aint faced us in the rang. Oh yall are facin Zero Tolerance"
Cash finger picked a little while the crowd danced a bit.
"What we do is whoop asses. We aint givin no free passes. Oh yall are facin Zero Tolerance.
Try as ya might. Yall can't even put up a fight. We are gonna beat yer ass
What Im sayins true. Yall have a whooped ass when were through. Oh you are facin Zero Tolerance"
He strummed four hard times and then stood there waiting for his judges. He thought this was Americas got Talent after all. The crowd clapped while Jason stood there. Another shake it baby was yelled. And then Cash finally left the stage.
When he got backstage, Salem and J were there waiting for him with big smiles.
" Homie that was great.", Salem said. J had a tear in his eye. " Lisa would have loved it."
Jason needed a beer, so the three headed to the bar while a Rascal Flats song played.
The three took their seats. J ordered a mixed drink. Salem took his of vapor. Cash order a beer. The bartender, who was dressed kind of like a cowgirl with the tight button up shirt that's tied just under the nipples, smiled at Jason. "Your drinks are free tonight big boy", he said, winking at our hero while brushing his blonde hair to the side.
Now, Jason thought that was weird, bit free beer is free beer so he wasn't about to complain. He also thought it was weird to not see Simon Cowell or any of the other Americas Got Talent. But he brushed that aside when his beer came. He, of course, drank it down quickly and asked for another.
J, who was looking at the dancing crowd, quickly turned around when two gentlemen dressed in neon green belly shirts and skinny jeans walked up to Jason. J tried not to laugh but he couldn't help it. Neither could Salem.
Jason Cash felt a tap on his shoulder. He grabbed his beer and turned around to see the two visitors smiling at him. "Can I help yall?", he asked. The one slightly in the back nodded. Jason waited for an answer, but he got none. So he asked again. That's when he noticed the stare. Both were staring at his crotch. "I got somethin on my pants?", he asked. The man in front, with the short black hair grinned. "No, bit you have something in them.", he said.
J laughed and fell off his bar stool. Salem had to help him up but had a hard time because he was laughing so hard.
And that's when Jason noticed. Men were dancing with men. Women were dancing with women.
Now, our hillbilly hero has got nothing against this type of thing, but he'd atlesst like to be told that he's going to a gay bar. He flipped shit. "Yall need ta get on now.", he said.
" Yo homie. You shouldn't talk to your fans that way.", Salem said as he took the bottle of beer away from Jason. He quickly slipped a powdery substance into the drink while Jason started to get up. Salem quickly swirled the bottle to mix the contents.
Jason scared his two adoring fans away when he got up. He sat back down and turned up his beer. It tasted funny, but beer is beer. He'd drink any of it.
The trio sat there for a few minutes. Jason felt a change in himself. Colors started to run together. The crappy rascal flats and Taylor swift music started to die down. He looked at his hands. All he saw was hay. He looked over at Salem, pleading internally for help, but he couldn't speak. He reached for his lips, but felt them sewed together. He started flailing his arms in wide circles. Salem and J sat there looking at him wide eyed but laughing.
"Calm down, homie.", Salem yelled. Cash heard him and looked over. He didn't see Salem Shepard. He saw crows. He looked at J but didn't see a man. He only saw two crows. He swatted at them before reaching for his mouth again. The string was gone. " Get outs my corn you crows!", he yelled as he took a swing at Salem. Salem ducked and Cash knocked over the new beer the bartender had given him.
All he saw were these two crows and a corn field. Again, Salem the crow tried to grab him. "Calm down., Salem said. Cash swatted a big right hand at him again. "I told you crow...get yer ass outa my crops.", Cash yelled at the top of his voice.
The music stopped playing and everyone stared at our hillbilly hero as he swatted at his two friends.
"This is funny shit. Lisa would have loved it." J said with a smile. Salem thought the same thing. He winked at J before looking at Cash.
"Yo. We aint crows. Lilith and skittlze.. They got yo crops homie!", Salem whispered in Jason's ear.
Jason then saw two crows in the middle of a corn field. He slowly got up from his bar stool. "Them sumbitches..tauntin me. Im gone git em.", he whispered to Salem the crow.
He walked over to where two dark haired men in tight shirts and pants were dancing. " Whore! Candyman! Outa my sumbitchin corn!", he yelled. The two men stopped dancing just in time to be hit with haymakers from our hero. They went down like fallen trees. But Jason wasn't done. "Sumbitchin crows wanna eat my corn?", He asked. The two men pleaded to Cash, but Cash only heard caws. " Shut up crows!", he yelled.
A crowd had formed around Jason as he stomped on these two men he thought were Lilith and Skittlze. No one really knew what to do. Salem and J could help, but they were too busy laughing at the entire scene.
Finally, just when Cash picked up one of the men and prepared himself to toss the "crow" out of his corn, J hit him over the head with the bar stool. Cash fell in a heap. J picked him up firemans carry style.
..the next morning....
Cash sat on the back of his truck. He had a huge dip in his mouth and a beer to his right. He wore jeans and his black cowboy hat.
" I gotta say it.. Lilith....honey... You gotta stop with all the sumbitchin denial. You a whore. You always been a whore. You always gone be a whore. Boo boo..You a whore. You even said that mess herself. Candyman is the only sumbitchin partner what aint stuck his Weiner in that catfish mouth you got down there tween yer legs. And you done had more than a couple tag partners Im guessin. I wanna know what its like ta live in denial. Must be fun cause yer a crazy bitch too....prolly had teeth implanted in that gash you got.
Hell you almost gave it up to 'im.. But his ass passed out after blowin it in his damn pants. He wanted ta eat at the all night taco stand. What that sumbitch didnt damn it know was that the meat got herpes in it an the veggies are rotten. I'd feel real sorry fer that sumbitch if he dived into that stank and got somethin his ass can't wash off. Hell shed prolly bit his wittle weinie off anyway. She the type of ole bitch what would do that mess. " Put it in my people mouth." Chomp! Poor sumbitch done got hs dick bit off. The hell he'd want that wompus cat bitch anyway. Passed her in the hallway the other day. Bitch smelled like a catfish farm."
He took a drink of his beer and grinned.
"Now that's a real thirst quencher. By as I was damn it sayin. I know what yall thankin. "But what's Lilith bee in a dirty, disease ridden whore got ta do with in the rang". Hell I'll tell ya.. Not a got damn thang. Know why? Cause it dont damn it matter. This bitch is a woman. Im a man. My ass was made fer fightin. Hers was made fer cookin and humpin. That's it. Men better than women in fights in every way. 'Sides. What's she gone do? We aint have a sausage party. We aint rockin out with our cocks out. Hell naw. We fightin. She aint gone get close enough ta our wangs. This bitch is a hundred thirty pounds. When she hits a sumbitch ain't nothin behind it. My ass is two fity five. Shep is over two hundred. I hit that ole girl theres over two hunerd pound 'hind that mess. See what Im talkin bout here? Aint a damn thang this woman can dsmn it do. So no..her in rang bullshit dont damn it matter. It never will. That ole girl be better off stayin in the kitchen learnin how ta cook. That's her place as a woman. Sooner she learns that mess the better off she gone be."
Jason shook his head. And he was right. He out weighs her by well over a hundred pounds. Salem does too. What exactly can she do? Even if she could fight, she's out matched.
"And dint you damn it thank fer one sumbitchin second I done forgot bout you, Candyman. I aint. Hell yer a bigger joke an Cap Wssf. He retarded as all jell but I don't thank that sumbitch'd blow his load an pass out when Lilith decided she was gone give his as some of that rotten cookie. Bell he'd prolly say no way. I'd give him that much..but you? Boy you must be hurtin fer the clap cause yer ass jumped at that mess. You retarded, stupid or are ya a virgin? Cause you went at that mess like that sumbitch what humped that pie in that movie a while back. Did ya get it? Hell naw. Ya blew it an passed out. Consider yerself lucky...that girl spreads them legs like wild fire and spreads herpes even faster. You don't want none of that mess. You can't wash that mess off.
All that said..you ain't no daisy. You just a poor sumbitch what done got his ass thrown to the sumbitchin wolves. And them wolves out fer blood. What you gone brang ta this sumbitch? A "dope beat"? Cause ya sure as all hell aint got a lick a fight in ya. Beebopin round her with yer hat on wrong..with yer pants round yer ankles like yer offerin up yer asshole ta all takers. Oughta be ashamed of herself. Hell you remind me of malibus most wanted. Silly ole white boy wearin his hat wrong... Dont know he's bein a damn winder licker..no matter how many time that sumbitch I told. Hell son..yer ass I walkin into an ass whoopin an ya dont even know it. Or maybe ya do. Maybe ya got us all fooled an you ain't no got damn retard. I dont damn it thank so though. Yer cup runeth over with waterhead."
Jason spit on the ground. Clouds started to move in, creating shadows across the landscape. It looked magnificent with Jasons new house.
"One good ass thang bout yall is that yall aint gone run.... Cause I aint damn it gone chase ya. Salem might..but my ass ain't. I dont even chase my liquor. But I don't thank yall gone run like At did. Hell naw. Candyman too damn stupid. Lilith too damn crazy. Hell I know crazy folks is dangerous. J crazy. Shep? Crazy as a pet coin. They dangerous...real dangerous. Lilith? Naw. She crazy as hell..but she just a damn woman. Candyman? Too worried bout gettin in that whores pants..... Can't fight neither. That sumbitch piss poor in a fight. Hell that sumbitch the weak link..and that's sayin a whole hell of alot cause he the man of the team. Either way..yall sumbitches walkin into the buzz saw what's called Zero Tolerance. We done whooped half wssf and we aint been here but a month er so. We the biggest thang goin right now. We the most dangerous group of sumbitches tho places ever seen. An soon? Hell soon we gone hold three straps. All of ZT is gone be a champion. Let that sumbitch sank in. We aint been here but a month...and we already bout ta all be champions. Yall ever seen that mess before? Hell naw..and yall wont see it again.
Wompus cat? Candyman? See yall at Slam brang yer fightin shoes. Yer gone sumbitchin needem"
And with that our scene fades
Jason wasn't alone. A rather nice looking blonde lady in a blue business suit stood beside him. Her hair hung down to her waist. She had legs for days sticking out of the bottom of her blue skirt. And those titties? They were huge. This was a realtor.
You see, Erik had advised that everyone move to the Detroit area. Zero Tolerance was going to reestablish its main office and everyone needed to be close. Unfortunately, that meant that Jason's family had to pick up and move. Jason was never much of a city boy. He prefered the country where he could take a piss outside without anyone complaining. Where the nearest neighbor was half a mile aways
Jason didn't mind though. What Sin had said to him struck a chord. It unnerved him. Jason wouldn't let anything bad happen to him or his family. Atlesst that's the impression he got from Sin. He'd never been one to worry about himself. Getting to his family was the only way to get to him. And it had. So he'd jumped when Erik wanted them all to move to Michigan
And so here he was, with a pretty blonde realtor who kept looking at his crotch, looking at a huge home. To tell the truth, the house didnt fit Jason. It was much too nice for our hillbilly hero. He was a simple man, but this house was fancy and massive. He did like the huge yard.
"I can put out my chickens out here", He thought to himself.
The realtor, who had grown tired of the awkward silence, finally broke it. "So this is the outside. The house was built in two thousand. It is 4 thousand square feet and sits on a 4 acre lot.", she said, trying to get Jason's attention. It got it. Jason looked at her. "That a hell of a lot a land. I can put my sumbitchin chickens out thar", he said. It took a few minutes for this to process in the young blonde's mind. She was staring at his crotch when he spoke, but his accent was very hard for her to understand. "I'm sorry, Did you say chickens?", she asked. Jason nodded. "Yup. Gotta whole mess of em.", He answered. "they'd have plenty of room over yonder by that big oak tree.", he added.
She looked at him wide eyed. "You cant have chickens out here, Mr. Cash. The neighbors would complain.", she said. Jason grinned. "Well then I reckon I'll damn it take it.", He said. Jason didn’t exactly like the house. It was too big for him. He loved the land, but pissing off neighbors was soemthing he couldn’t resist.
She smiled at him widely. "I’m so glad.", she said out loud. But under her breathe she whispered, "Two of these freaks living here?!". Oh yes, this house was on the same block as Salem's new house.
Now, usually it takes a week or two in order to ge the keys and the loans for the house. But this was Zero Tolerance. They did whatever they wanted to do and had their hands in everything. Was that needed here? fuck no! Jason simply handed her a check, signed a paper and the house was his. Teh blonde thanked him profusely. Jason ignored her mostly. He'd heard it all before when he bought his trailer.
"That'll do lil darlin", Jason said to the very pretty blonde. She blushed a shade of red that is rarely seen. I'm talking beet red. This girl couldn’t get any redder. Jason noticed and smiled to himself. "Yall like my accent, huh?", he asked. She nodded. "Exotic to yall, huh?", He asked. Again, she nodded. Jason could only laugh.
You understand that Salem and Crazy J have always wondered exactly why Jason could pull women so easy. They never really caught on. It was his accent. Women love his southern draw. All the guy really ever had to do was say "Hey Yall", and pantied dropped. Hell, his wife is from Pennsylvania. How do you think he got her? He sang to her of course. She loved his accent. He loved her booty. It was a match made in heaven.
"You wanna go inside, donthca?", Jason asked with a wide grin before spitting on the lush, green grass. She nodded. "The house comes fully furnished.", She said. Jason smilled wider. "You know I'm sumbitchin married, right?, he asked. She nodded. "Your wife doesn’t have to know"
And Jason started laughing even harder. "You know she'd damn it find out anyway, right? We on camera. You one of them wild girls what likes ta get down on camera?", he asked. Her faced turned red. Was it from embarassment? Was she mad? Who knows. She did, however, keep glancing down at his crotch. "It aint gone damn happen, honey.", he said as he rubbed his crotch with a smile. Jason just liked to know he still had it...and it was clear that he did.
Frustrated, our blonde realtor turned to leave. Jason watched her hips sway as she walked away. He then turned back and looked at the massive house
"Well look whos movin on up in the world! ME! Yea..thats right. See that big ole house up there? That’s mine. Bought it just now. Don’t really like it all that much. Too damn big..But it's mine. But hell..that aint the only damn thang movin up. Hell now. Me and Shep whooped the holy hell outa that injun. That retard, and that fake as all hell gladiator sumbitch. Nightrider wasn’t no damn help. We didn’t damnit thank he was gone be no help either. We don’t rely on other folks ya see. And we walked inta Slam... We beat whole sale ass like we damn it said we was gone do..and we walked out. That’s how we do thangs. And cant no damn body do it like we can."
He spit tobacco on the grass.
"This week here gone be an excitin one. See..Shep and me? We got a match fer the number one contenders fer the tag belts. We one step closer to our goal. That goal bein that ZT has three belts all at the same damn time. Only folks in our sumbitchin way is a crazy bitch and an ole sumbitch what remind me of that sumbitch from that movie. Whatcha call it? B-Rad? Yall know what in the hell I'm talkin bout
Now these two sumbitches just fought for the right ta face us. That’s right... People fightin fer the sumbitchin right ta face me and Shep. And these two sumbitches damn it won. Cant say they got lucky. Hell they aint worth a pint a piss in that rang. Lilith? She batshit crazy. Aint worth a damn in that rang...But that ole girl... Holy hell. I'd say she crazy, but I reckon she damn it knows. Ole bitch crazier than a pet coon. Does she belong in that ran with a man? Hell naw. That ole crazy bitch only belongs in a damn kitchen. She don’t look like she can cook..but that aint the damn point. The point is that the crazy bitch don’t damn it belong in the ran with a man. Sarah Twilight didn’t...and this ole bitch is exactly the same.
Then her sumbitchin partner. Is this sumbitch a damn joke? He's like Cap Wssf only he aint dressed like a damn condom. Hell naw..He some kinda fake ass ganster with his hat on all wrong.. Be boppin round here like he damn it retarded. Aint seen nothin like that mess. And don’t wanna see no more of it. I reckon we just gone have ta cripple his ignorant old ass.
Now I know..Lilith... She been round here fer a while. She done beat some folks worth beat..Or so they say. I mean.. I reckon it's somethin ta set Oblivion on fire er some shit. I reckon that’s somethin if yer a woman. I mean..He big an all.. But he aint all that dangerous..Unless yer a cat. Sumbitch loves ta murder pets. But Lilith did away with that sumbitch. She gotta be somethin dangerous right? Naw..Uh huh. Not at all. This ole bitch aint never fought no damn body like us. We them tough sumbitches that come round and just whoop every damn body. We own the join. We destroy it. We leave. That’s what we do. Lilith aint never faced a single sumbitch like us. Not one single damn time. Ole girl might wanna learn how ta cook. I wont kick her in her perty little face if she learns how ta fry some chicken.
And that Candy man? He aint no damn better. He can run his damn mouth bout a mile a minute. That help you in a damn fight? Hell naw. That aint worth a damn in a fight. This poor sumbitch in fer a rude ass awakenin. This week that sumbitch aint fightin a steroid usin fool. Hell naw. He's fightin Jason Cash and Salem Shepard. Yall better damn it be ready.
It was about mid day when the sun finally peeked through the dark clouds, casting ominous shadows every where the eye could see. The sun was fighting off the inevitable down pour as best as it could.
Jason Cash was sitting in the bed of his rusted old truck, beer in hand and his guitar laying beside him. He was enjoying his day with a little music. There was a pad and pencil sitting on top of the guitar. It had scribbles on it. Jason couldn't really read too good. His writing was worse.
"Yo homie!"
Jason perked up his ears. Could it be? Yes! Crazy J and Salem were pulling up the driveway in a black hearse. Salem had half his body hanging out of the passenger side. Jason grinned and shook his head.
" Welcome ta sumbitchin Castle Drunkskull!", he yelled as the duo stopped and got out. Both wore jeans with red ZT hockey jerseys. Their faces were painted white with black around the eyes. Crazy J looked over at Salem. "You know Spanish, dawg. The fuck this redneck say?", he whispered. Salem laughed. "You ain't right, homie. He said welcome to castle drunkskull.".
"Yall know..Like He Man. Greyskull? Fuck yall!", Jason laughed. "I see you homie. This joint aint gonna know what hit it!", said Salem looking around un awe of his surrounding. "Hell yea man. Them sumbitches already done called the law in yer ass..wait till I tear this sumbitch down and put my trailer over here..chicken in the front yard. Hell Im thankin bout gettin a donkey.", Jason said as he took a drink of his beer.
" You gonna tear down this house?", J asked. Cash nodded. "Sumbitch too damn big fer me. Too ritzy too. I dont like it.", Jason answered.
Salem noticed the guitar. "You been singin? You straight spit that venom last week.", Salem said as he nodded at the guitar. Jason grinned. "Venom, huh? I aint did a damn than but tell the damn truth. That Cap wssff was retarded as hell.", He answered. Crazy J walked over and picked up the guitar. " You gonna play us some?", J asked. Cash shook his head. "Naw man. Im gone go on Americas Got Talent. Yall can damn it hear that mess there.", Cash answered matter of factly. J stopped for a second and grinned.
It wasn't your normal Crazy J grin. It was an evil grin. The kind you make when you're up to no good.
"I'll be right back."
J took out his phone and walked away., leaving Shep and Cash alone. Cash grinned and reached behind him. He brought out a bottle of hienz kechup. Shep jumped back, eyes wide. "Come put this kechup on nugget boy!", Jason yelled with a laugh. Shep didnt look happy. His eyes were wide. "Calm down, hoss. You ain't no damn chicken nugget.", Jason said with a grin. Shep stared at him. "That shit aint cool homie. Thought I was freakin out.", Salem said. He stared until Cash put the kechup away. "Whatchu think about Lilith? This bitch cray or what?", Salem asked. Cash only shook his head. "That bitch crazy as a pet coon...with herpes.", Jason Cash answered. Salem giggled. "Hell man. I passed her in the hallway at Slam..Smelled like fish been sittin out in the sun fer a sumbitchin week.", Cash said.
"Yo that's cold.", Salem said. Cash shrugged his shoulders. "Dont matter. They're have better luck pickin up a turd from the clean end than whoopin our ass", Jason said, as serious as we've ever heard.
"Aight. Bet.", Crazy J said before hanging up. He walked back over to his boys.
" Yo Dawg. You playin at a club tonight. Cowboys. Yo ass starts at ten tonight. They all gone be there. Simon. That Nick guy..The one that was fuckin Mariah Carey.", J said trying to his his laughter. Salem caught on and shot him a look. Jason took a big gulp of beer. Salem whispered to J.
"I know that look."
Crazy J grinned. " It's a gay bar. We got Cash playing at a gay bar.", J said with a grin.
....gay bar?...
Jason Cash stood in a dark spot in what appeared to a backstage area. He was dressed in his usual get up and had his black acoustic guitar strapped to his back. He looked nervous which was a little odd. This was Jason Cash. He never got nervous.
He didn't have to wait long before a tall, black haired white guy dressed in skinny jeans and a tight, pink shirt came over. Jason held out his hand. The guy grabbed it. "Nick Cannon..You look white as hell in person. Yall ready fer me?", Jason said. Before this guy could even ask, Jason ran on stage.
The place was packed with men who looked too pretty to be men, and women both rough looking and hot as hell.
The stage was lower, wich made the performer feel as if they were in the crowd. Jason like it as it made him feel more comfortable. Our hero twisted his guitar around and grabbed the mic.
" Shake it baby!", came a yell. Jason simply laughed though he had no idea where it came from. " Thank yall fer havin me. This here song is called Yer facin Zero Tolerance dot dot dot Lilith yer a whore", he said. And then he started strumming a song that sounded familiar to the hank Williams classic "there's a tear in my beer".
"There's a tear in yer beer and yer cryin lordy dear....You are facin Zero Tolerance.
Oh Lilith yer a whore. Ya keep provin it more an more... You are facin Zero Tolerance.
Oh girl you smell like fish...fuck with me oh girl ya wish....You are facin Zero Tolerance.
Skittlze yer a rapper come this Sunday you'll be a tapper. Oh you are facin Zero Tolerance.
Oh son..yer a bitch and Im startin ta get that itch. Oh you are facin Zero Tolerance
Yall aint done a thang. Yall aint faced us in the rang. Oh yall are facin Zero Tolerance"
Cash finger picked a little while the crowd danced a bit.
"What we do is whoop asses. We aint givin no free passes. Oh yall are facin Zero Tolerance.
Try as ya might. Yall can't even put up a fight. We are gonna beat yer ass
What Im sayins true. Yall have a whooped ass when were through. Oh you are facin Zero Tolerance"
He strummed four hard times and then stood there waiting for his judges. He thought this was Americas got Talent after all. The crowd clapped while Jason stood there. Another shake it baby was yelled. And then Cash finally left the stage.
When he got backstage, Salem and J were there waiting for him with big smiles.
" Homie that was great.", Salem said. J had a tear in his eye. " Lisa would have loved it."
Jason needed a beer, so the three headed to the bar while a Rascal Flats song played.
The three took their seats. J ordered a mixed drink. Salem took his of vapor. Cash order a beer. The bartender, who was dressed kind of like a cowgirl with the tight button up shirt that's tied just under the nipples, smiled at Jason. "Your drinks are free tonight big boy", he said, winking at our hero while brushing his blonde hair to the side.
Now, Jason thought that was weird, bit free beer is free beer so he wasn't about to complain. He also thought it was weird to not see Simon Cowell or any of the other Americas Got Talent. But he brushed that aside when his beer came. He, of course, drank it down quickly and asked for another.
J, who was looking at the dancing crowd, quickly turned around when two gentlemen dressed in neon green belly shirts and skinny jeans walked up to Jason. J tried not to laugh but he couldn't help it. Neither could Salem.
Jason Cash felt a tap on his shoulder. He grabbed his beer and turned around to see the two visitors smiling at him. "Can I help yall?", he asked. The one slightly in the back nodded. Jason waited for an answer, but he got none. So he asked again. That's when he noticed the stare. Both were staring at his crotch. "I got somethin on my pants?", he asked. The man in front, with the short black hair grinned. "No, bit you have something in them.", he said.
J laughed and fell off his bar stool. Salem had to help him up but had a hard time because he was laughing so hard.
And that's when Jason noticed. Men were dancing with men. Women were dancing with women.
Now, our hillbilly hero has got nothing against this type of thing, but he'd atlesst like to be told that he's going to a gay bar. He flipped shit. "Yall need ta get on now.", he said.
" Yo homie. You shouldn't talk to your fans that way.", Salem said as he took the bottle of beer away from Jason. He quickly slipped a powdery substance into the drink while Jason started to get up. Salem quickly swirled the bottle to mix the contents.
Jason scared his two adoring fans away when he got up. He sat back down and turned up his beer. It tasted funny, but beer is beer. He'd drink any of it.
The trio sat there for a few minutes. Jason felt a change in himself. Colors started to run together. The crappy rascal flats and Taylor swift music started to die down. He looked at his hands. All he saw was hay. He looked over at Salem, pleading internally for help, but he couldn't speak. He reached for his lips, but felt them sewed together. He started flailing his arms in wide circles. Salem and J sat there looking at him wide eyed but laughing.
"Calm down, homie.", Salem yelled. Cash heard him and looked over. He didn't see Salem Shepard. He saw crows. He looked at J but didn't see a man. He only saw two crows. He swatted at them before reaching for his mouth again. The string was gone. " Get outs my corn you crows!", he yelled as he took a swing at Salem. Salem ducked and Cash knocked over the new beer the bartender had given him.
All he saw were these two crows and a corn field. Again, Salem the crow tried to grab him. "Calm down., Salem said. Cash swatted a big right hand at him again. "I told you crow...get yer ass outa my crops.", Cash yelled at the top of his voice.
The music stopped playing and everyone stared at our hillbilly hero as he swatted at his two friends.
"This is funny shit. Lisa would have loved it." J said with a smile. Salem thought the same thing. He winked at J before looking at Cash.
"Yo. We aint crows. Lilith and skittlze.. They got yo crops homie!", Salem whispered in Jason's ear.
Jason then saw two crows in the middle of a corn field. He slowly got up from his bar stool. "Them sumbitches..tauntin me. Im gone git em.", he whispered to Salem the crow.
He walked over to where two dark haired men in tight shirts and pants were dancing. " Whore! Candyman! Outa my sumbitchin corn!", he yelled. The two men stopped dancing just in time to be hit with haymakers from our hero. They went down like fallen trees. But Jason wasn't done. "Sumbitchin crows wanna eat my corn?", He asked. The two men pleaded to Cash, but Cash only heard caws. " Shut up crows!", he yelled.
A crowd had formed around Jason as he stomped on these two men he thought were Lilith and Skittlze. No one really knew what to do. Salem and J could help, but they were too busy laughing at the entire scene.
Finally, just when Cash picked up one of the men and prepared himself to toss the "crow" out of his corn, J hit him over the head with the bar stool. Cash fell in a heap. J picked him up firemans carry style.
..the next morning....
Cash sat on the back of his truck. He had a huge dip in his mouth and a beer to his right. He wore jeans and his black cowboy hat.
" I gotta say it.. Lilith....honey... You gotta stop with all the sumbitchin denial. You a whore. You always been a whore. You always gone be a whore. Boo boo..You a whore. You even said that mess herself. Candyman is the only sumbitchin partner what aint stuck his Weiner in that catfish mouth you got down there tween yer legs. And you done had more than a couple tag partners Im guessin. I wanna know what its like ta live in denial. Must be fun cause yer a crazy bitch too....prolly had teeth implanted in that gash you got.
Hell you almost gave it up to 'im.. But his ass passed out after blowin it in his damn pants. He wanted ta eat at the all night taco stand. What that sumbitch didnt damn it know was that the meat got herpes in it an the veggies are rotten. I'd feel real sorry fer that sumbitch if he dived into that stank and got somethin his ass can't wash off. Hell shed prolly bit his wittle weinie off anyway. She the type of ole bitch what would do that mess. " Put it in my people mouth." Chomp! Poor sumbitch done got hs dick bit off. The hell he'd want that wompus cat bitch anyway. Passed her in the hallway the other day. Bitch smelled like a catfish farm."
He took a drink of his beer and grinned.
"Now that's a real thirst quencher. By as I was damn it sayin. I know what yall thankin. "But what's Lilith bee in a dirty, disease ridden whore got ta do with in the rang". Hell I'll tell ya.. Not a got damn thang. Know why? Cause it dont damn it matter. This bitch is a woman. Im a man. My ass was made fer fightin. Hers was made fer cookin and humpin. That's it. Men better than women in fights in every way. 'Sides. What's she gone do? We aint have a sausage party. We aint rockin out with our cocks out. Hell naw. We fightin. She aint gone get close enough ta our wangs. This bitch is a hundred thirty pounds. When she hits a sumbitch ain't nothin behind it. My ass is two fity five. Shep is over two hundred. I hit that ole girl theres over two hunerd pound 'hind that mess. See what Im talkin bout here? Aint a damn thang this woman can dsmn it do. So no..her in rang bullshit dont damn it matter. It never will. That ole girl be better off stayin in the kitchen learnin how ta cook. That's her place as a woman. Sooner she learns that mess the better off she gone be."
Jason shook his head. And he was right. He out weighs her by well over a hundred pounds. Salem does too. What exactly can she do? Even if she could fight, she's out matched.
"And dint you damn it thank fer one sumbitchin second I done forgot bout you, Candyman. I aint. Hell yer a bigger joke an Cap Wssf. He retarded as all jell but I don't thank that sumbitch'd blow his load an pass out when Lilith decided she was gone give his as some of that rotten cookie. Bell he'd prolly say no way. I'd give him that much..but you? Boy you must be hurtin fer the clap cause yer ass jumped at that mess. You retarded, stupid or are ya a virgin? Cause you went at that mess like that sumbitch what humped that pie in that movie a while back. Did ya get it? Hell naw. Ya blew it an passed out. Consider yerself lucky...that girl spreads them legs like wild fire and spreads herpes even faster. You don't want none of that mess. You can't wash that mess off.
All that said..you ain't no daisy. You just a poor sumbitch what done got his ass thrown to the sumbitchin wolves. And them wolves out fer blood. What you gone brang ta this sumbitch? A "dope beat"? Cause ya sure as all hell aint got a lick a fight in ya. Beebopin round her with yer hat on wrong..with yer pants round yer ankles like yer offerin up yer asshole ta all takers. Oughta be ashamed of herself. Hell you remind me of malibus most wanted. Silly ole white boy wearin his hat wrong... Dont know he's bein a damn winder licker..no matter how many time that sumbitch I told. Hell son..yer ass I walkin into an ass whoopin an ya dont even know it. Or maybe ya do. Maybe ya got us all fooled an you ain't no got damn retard. I dont damn it thank so though. Yer cup runeth over with waterhead."
Jason spit on the ground. Clouds started to move in, creating shadows across the landscape. It looked magnificent with Jasons new house.
"One good ass thang bout yall is that yall aint gone run.... Cause I aint damn it gone chase ya. Salem might..but my ass ain't. I dont even chase my liquor. But I don't thank yall gone run like At did. Hell naw. Candyman too damn stupid. Lilith too damn crazy. Hell I know crazy folks is dangerous. J crazy. Shep? Crazy as a pet coin. They dangerous...real dangerous. Lilith? Naw. She crazy as hell..but she just a damn woman. Candyman? Too worried bout gettin in that whores pants..... Can't fight neither. That sumbitch piss poor in a fight. Hell that sumbitch the weak link..and that's sayin a whole hell of alot cause he the man of the team. Either way..yall sumbitches walkin into the buzz saw what's called Zero Tolerance. We done whooped half wssf and we aint been here but a month er so. We the biggest thang goin right now. We the most dangerous group of sumbitches tho places ever seen. An soon? Hell soon we gone hold three straps. All of ZT is gone be a champion. Let that sumbitch sank in. We aint been here but a month...and we already bout ta all be champions. Yall ever seen that mess before? Hell naw..and yall wont see it again.
Wompus cat? Candyman? See yall at Slam brang yer fightin shoes. Yer gone sumbitchin needem"
And with that our scene fades
