Post by "The Real Deal" Jason O'Neal on Sept 3, 2016 10:25:43 GMT -5
:: Welcome to “Wheeling, West Virginia.” It should read, “Welcome to God’s Appendix,” serves no functional purpose once so ever. Jason O’Neal and Jerome “The Beast” Jenkins, Jason’s best friend and body guard are found at baggage claim of the pocket sized Ohio County Airport. The look of amusement, shock, disgust, and confusion settles on Jason’s face as he examines the scene around him…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Whiteville, USA. There are obviously no threats here, but you and I. (Jason jokingly pats Jerome on the back). Hell if I wasn’t on television sometime we would not have made it through security.
JEROME “THE BEAST” JENKINS: I hear that. Let’s find a Popeyes… I’m starving.
:: Jason walks over to an information table and grabs a map with dining locations and hands it to…
JEROME “THE BEAST JENKINS: No Popeyes…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Could have figured… look around. Where does Seth find these locations?
JEROME “THE BEAST JENKINS: Probably, in Doc Henry’s rolodex.
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Yeah this organization, and I use that term loosely, does have its fair share of Confederate bitches don’t it? I mean Bates, Henry, Young, and whoever else decides to recycle the same tired gimmick that every one-toothed f*cker in this town would like.
:: A familiar voice is heard from behind the camera…
TRAVIS “THE CAMERAMAN” RANDOLPH: I would suggest we not go into detail here. We are almost out of battery, I forgot to charge on the plane.
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: You mean, I can’t cut a promo, at baggage claim? (sarcastically) I’ve always wanted to do that. (Jason chuckles) Travis, I already told you not to film everythi…
:: Fades to black…
---------------------------------
:: When the camera comes up Jason O’Neal is sitting at the foot of the Wheeling Suspension Bridge in God’s appendix. There is a plaque above and to the right of his head. “Once the longest suspension bridge in the world.” Fitting because all of the guys in the match were once great. Jason is relaxed as the water passes under the bridge and traffic travels over it…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Let’s discuss the events of the last two weeks… The last time the WcF saw me I was being nonchalantly pinned by God’s Gift to Wrestling Uri. Consider it a lesson learned. You f*ck with someone’s bike they get a little pissy and beat the shit out of you. Hell it looked like I was a rookie. I couldn’t get a f*cking solid shot on the Jolly Green Giant. I don’t know where my head was in that match. I didn’t look like me at all. (Jason smirks with a nod toward the crappy one-sided maneuvering expressed in the match) I go from low carding it with Dion and Gallagher to high carding it against Bates, then all of a sudden, no carding it. I apparently wasn’t good enough to even make the cut at the Pay Per View. One of the shittiest performances of the year by the people involved in the matches from low to top. What the hell kind of production is Seth running?
:: Jason smirks…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: The saga continues because without any rhyme or reason I am in a match with 8 other people for a number one contenders match for a title I just fought for and lost. It’s like a bad episode or revenge of the poor match-ups. Nevertheless, I am where I am, and I have to take on apparently one half of the Mount Rushmore of the WcF and the rest of the breakfast club. So without further ado.
:: Jason shuffles through some pictures and holds up a picture of Psychopomp…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: What… the… hell… ok probably aside from me… the least qualified person to be in this match. I have a 2 and 1 record, lost the match for the same title I am competing for number one contendership for this week, but atleast I will remember what match I in half-way through it. I’ve seen this guy’s shit, he has no idea what he is doing three fourths of the time… not ability-wise, but psychiatric-wise. It would be a miracle if he found his way to Wheeling, much less out to the ring. I am going to make the assumption that I will last longer than this jobber who can’t count to ten without a momentary lapse in consciousness that puts him back in 1965. If I can’t beat him, I need to find another career.
:: More shuffling, another picture, Chaos, bloodied pulp after winning a match…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: I can tell you right now, I won’t go through that length to get a secondary title. If he takes it to that level…f*cking go…I’ll lay down for him. I’m too good looking to be that bloody for my photo-op after the match. To be beaten and battered that bad for this piece of shit title is just not worth-it. Chaos, I get it… is a man of extremes. He will push the limit. I think, he two will be put out by Battle before it gets to that level. I just hopes he understands there are times and places for extreme shit and a contender’s battle royal for the TV Title is not one of them to be all bloodied up. If this was the world title we were talking about it would leave battle scars…the TV Title and carnage is just stupid.
:: Who’s next… A puzzle piece…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: The piece that doesn’t fit in. Less than spectacular. Lester Parish. He has not fit into anywhere he has ever been from pre-school to now. This match is filled with semi-talented people. No talent doesn’t belong in the same ring as talent. He needs to do himself a favor and drop out of the match before it happens to save himself the embarrassment of being outshined.
:: Oblivion is the next card drawn…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: I’ve been here a little over a month I’ve been waiting… just waiting to see something spectacular from the has-been that is OBI OBI OBI… I admit the gimmick is pretty good, but the shit is very lackluster. Not to mention his overrated wrestling career. He has been pushed and pushed to a point where he should be the top, but he is nowhere near it. It must be the downside of a great career or something because I don’t see the talent that people say is there or once was there. He has lost a step. He may be the corner post of this company, but shit we got termites. Oblivion stay out of my way and chances are you won’t get hurt.
:: A freeze frame of the hijacked WCF Website from earlier in the week…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: The Butcher… first of all, it’s been done, by me. You hacked a website… cool… I brought down the network twice for 10 mins 32 seconds and 8 minutes 57 seconds. Changing a few pictures doesn’t impress me. What does impress me is the hours you binge watched Dexter on Netflix to develop your gimmick. Massaker sounds very similar to the lab geek on the show and the cellophane wrap in the pictures. Tell me, Dex, have you really killed anyone? Let me guess… yes… that’s how I know you haven’t because true killers don’t blare their shit on National Television. Try not to bring your fake-ass anywhere near me.
:: Doc Henry in his confederate glory…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: I’ve heard you have been called the Cock Doc or something like that? I just want you to know I am very proud of you. Not too many people can hold down a job at HBO and WcF. However, you find time to make it to the set of Vice Principal every week and compete in the ring. If the WcF fans have not seen Vice Principals on HBO it is a disgrace to you. Henry, you play Lee Russel pretty damned well. How long did it take you to get the flamboyant feminity down?
Mervin, I’ll tell you the same thing I told Bate’s gorilla shit for brains ass, the confederacy lost. No one overlooked the south…The north squeezed the life out of them with the Anaconda Plan and out smarted the f*cks with the Emancipation Proclamation keeping the British and French out of the War on your side. Just like in that war, you will need a whole lot of help to get you anywhere near winning. I get it…you two are a legend in this business. Have been around and beat the best…yadda yadda yadda… the simple fact of the matter is you will lose just like the South got their ass whipped.
:: McMorris is next on the list…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: McMorris, I appreciate the fact that you and the rest of the men on the list have overlooked me. Shit, I popped in out of nowhere. Where the f*ck did you come from? All I’ve seen you do is cockride every WcF legend in the history of the company. I guess that is what it takes to rise to the top of the business. Talk about how great this shithole is, or was… Drop a few board member’s names and hope to have a superstar rise.
Once again…I am here because I speak the truth and people know I have talent. You brown nose, stroke Seth’s ego among other things and you get pushed. Yet, you call those other f*cker pretentious. No sir, Chaos, Psychochomp, Lester the Molester, O’Neal they don’t deserve the push… because in order to deserve the push you have to swallow down a lot more than I am willing.
I don’t care what this company was and has been, Zombie… I care where it is going. As long as Uriel Bates is allowed to control the front office and is propped up by flunkies like you who praise everything wrong with this shithole, we will end up cancelled in two years. This company is top heavy and run by a gentlemen’s club. Sir, you are part of the club and you may or not know it. Either way…you don’t deserve to be here you pretentious fuccboi.
:: Bates holding the World Title and the TV Title…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Seems, Battle we have been in the same position recently. The thing I don’t understand is why the hell you are in this match? You are the number one contender for the world title. Why the f*ck would you be excited to drop down the card? You are excited to low card… Just last week your dumb ass was the World Champ… Now you are happy and eager to win the TV title? If I were you I’d beat the shit out of Seth Lerch and walk away from this match. However, it is another example of the politics that happens in this pretend company. Bates… put you on the track for the TV title because he knows what you and I know… He can’t beat you one on one.
Who know’s this mystery opponent might be another crony and they will lay the TV strap on him and get Bates away from the ass whipping I want to give him and I know you want to give him. Gemini… it sucks losing… I had some respect for you, but when you fell into the tired bullshit of claiming they named a Battle Royal after you. Understand man. The Battle Royal has been around longer than you have been alive.
Grayson Pierce, I am honored to have stayed off your radar. I was amused by you game board… made me laugh. What’s funny is normally armies are scared of things flying off radar in stealth mode. Those weapons are much more dangerous. I guess we will see at Slam…
:: Jason tosses the pictures in the water and walks back toward the road. A car beeps and a WcF fan hangs out of the window…
WCF FAN: Hey look it’s CJ Pheonix…
:: The camera begins to fade, but Jason is still audible…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Wheeling, West Virginia… "Where all colored people look the same." WcF: World Confederacy Foundation.
:: Camera fades as Jason chuckles to himself...
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Whiteville, USA. There are obviously no threats here, but you and I. (Jason jokingly pats Jerome on the back). Hell if I wasn’t on television sometime we would not have made it through security.
JEROME “THE BEAST” JENKINS: I hear that. Let’s find a Popeyes… I’m starving.
:: Jason walks over to an information table and grabs a map with dining locations and hands it to…
JEROME “THE BEAST JENKINS: No Popeyes…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Could have figured… look around. Where does Seth find these locations?
JEROME “THE BEAST JENKINS: Probably, in Doc Henry’s rolodex.
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Yeah this organization, and I use that term loosely, does have its fair share of Confederate bitches don’t it? I mean Bates, Henry, Young, and whoever else decides to recycle the same tired gimmick that every one-toothed f*cker in this town would like.
:: A familiar voice is heard from behind the camera…
TRAVIS “THE CAMERAMAN” RANDOLPH: I would suggest we not go into detail here. We are almost out of battery, I forgot to charge on the plane.
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: You mean, I can’t cut a promo, at baggage claim? (sarcastically) I’ve always wanted to do that. (Jason chuckles) Travis, I already told you not to film everythi…
:: Fades to black…
---------------------------------
:: When the camera comes up Jason O’Neal is sitting at the foot of the Wheeling Suspension Bridge in God’s appendix. There is a plaque above and to the right of his head. “Once the longest suspension bridge in the world.” Fitting because all of the guys in the match were once great. Jason is relaxed as the water passes under the bridge and traffic travels over it…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Let’s discuss the events of the last two weeks… The last time the WcF saw me I was being nonchalantly pinned by God’s Gift to Wrestling Uri. Consider it a lesson learned. You f*ck with someone’s bike they get a little pissy and beat the shit out of you. Hell it looked like I was a rookie. I couldn’t get a f*cking solid shot on the Jolly Green Giant. I don’t know where my head was in that match. I didn’t look like me at all. (Jason smirks with a nod toward the crappy one-sided maneuvering expressed in the match) I go from low carding it with Dion and Gallagher to high carding it against Bates, then all of a sudden, no carding it. I apparently wasn’t good enough to even make the cut at the Pay Per View. One of the shittiest performances of the year by the people involved in the matches from low to top. What the hell kind of production is Seth running?
:: Jason smirks…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: The saga continues because without any rhyme or reason I am in a match with 8 other people for a number one contenders match for a title I just fought for and lost. It’s like a bad episode or revenge of the poor match-ups. Nevertheless, I am where I am, and I have to take on apparently one half of the Mount Rushmore of the WcF and the rest of the breakfast club. So without further ado.
:: Jason shuffles through some pictures and holds up a picture of Psychopomp…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: What… the… hell… ok probably aside from me… the least qualified person to be in this match. I have a 2 and 1 record, lost the match for the same title I am competing for number one contendership for this week, but atleast I will remember what match I in half-way through it. I’ve seen this guy’s shit, he has no idea what he is doing three fourths of the time… not ability-wise, but psychiatric-wise. It would be a miracle if he found his way to Wheeling, much less out to the ring. I am going to make the assumption that I will last longer than this jobber who can’t count to ten without a momentary lapse in consciousness that puts him back in 1965. If I can’t beat him, I need to find another career.
:: More shuffling, another picture, Chaos, bloodied pulp after winning a match…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: I can tell you right now, I won’t go through that length to get a secondary title. If he takes it to that level…f*cking go…I’ll lay down for him. I’m too good looking to be that bloody for my photo-op after the match. To be beaten and battered that bad for this piece of shit title is just not worth-it. Chaos, I get it… is a man of extremes. He will push the limit. I think, he two will be put out by Battle before it gets to that level. I just hopes he understands there are times and places for extreme shit and a contender’s battle royal for the TV Title is not one of them to be all bloodied up. If this was the world title we were talking about it would leave battle scars…the TV Title and carnage is just stupid.
:: Who’s next… A puzzle piece…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: The piece that doesn’t fit in. Less than spectacular. Lester Parish. He has not fit into anywhere he has ever been from pre-school to now. This match is filled with semi-talented people. No talent doesn’t belong in the same ring as talent. He needs to do himself a favor and drop out of the match before it happens to save himself the embarrassment of being outshined.
:: Oblivion is the next card drawn…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: I’ve been here a little over a month I’ve been waiting… just waiting to see something spectacular from the has-been that is OBI OBI OBI… I admit the gimmick is pretty good, but the shit is very lackluster. Not to mention his overrated wrestling career. He has been pushed and pushed to a point where he should be the top, but he is nowhere near it. It must be the downside of a great career or something because I don’t see the talent that people say is there or once was there. He has lost a step. He may be the corner post of this company, but shit we got termites. Oblivion stay out of my way and chances are you won’t get hurt.
:: A freeze frame of the hijacked WCF Website from earlier in the week…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: The Butcher… first of all, it’s been done, by me. You hacked a website… cool… I brought down the network twice for 10 mins 32 seconds and 8 minutes 57 seconds. Changing a few pictures doesn’t impress me. What does impress me is the hours you binge watched Dexter on Netflix to develop your gimmick. Massaker sounds very similar to the lab geek on the show and the cellophane wrap in the pictures. Tell me, Dex, have you really killed anyone? Let me guess… yes… that’s how I know you haven’t because true killers don’t blare their shit on National Television. Try not to bring your fake-ass anywhere near me.
:: Doc Henry in his confederate glory…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: I’ve heard you have been called the Cock Doc or something like that? I just want you to know I am very proud of you. Not too many people can hold down a job at HBO and WcF. However, you find time to make it to the set of Vice Principal every week and compete in the ring. If the WcF fans have not seen Vice Principals on HBO it is a disgrace to you. Henry, you play Lee Russel pretty damned well. How long did it take you to get the flamboyant feminity down?
Mervin, I’ll tell you the same thing I told Bate’s gorilla shit for brains ass, the confederacy lost. No one overlooked the south…The north squeezed the life out of them with the Anaconda Plan and out smarted the f*cks with the Emancipation Proclamation keeping the British and French out of the War on your side. Just like in that war, you will need a whole lot of help to get you anywhere near winning. I get it…you two are a legend in this business. Have been around and beat the best…yadda yadda yadda… the simple fact of the matter is you will lose just like the South got their ass whipped.
:: McMorris is next on the list…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: McMorris, I appreciate the fact that you and the rest of the men on the list have overlooked me. Shit, I popped in out of nowhere. Where the f*ck did you come from? All I’ve seen you do is cockride every WcF legend in the history of the company. I guess that is what it takes to rise to the top of the business. Talk about how great this shithole is, or was… Drop a few board member’s names and hope to have a superstar rise.
Once again…I am here because I speak the truth and people know I have talent. You brown nose, stroke Seth’s ego among other things and you get pushed. Yet, you call those other f*cker pretentious. No sir, Chaos, Psychochomp, Lester the Molester, O’Neal they don’t deserve the push… because in order to deserve the push you have to swallow down a lot more than I am willing.
I don’t care what this company was and has been, Zombie… I care where it is going. As long as Uriel Bates is allowed to control the front office and is propped up by flunkies like you who praise everything wrong with this shithole, we will end up cancelled in two years. This company is top heavy and run by a gentlemen’s club. Sir, you are part of the club and you may or not know it. Either way…you don’t deserve to be here you pretentious fuccboi.
:: Bates holding the World Title and the TV Title…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Seems, Battle we have been in the same position recently. The thing I don’t understand is why the hell you are in this match? You are the number one contender for the world title. Why the f*ck would you be excited to drop down the card? You are excited to low card… Just last week your dumb ass was the World Champ… Now you are happy and eager to win the TV title? If I were you I’d beat the shit out of Seth Lerch and walk away from this match. However, it is another example of the politics that happens in this pretend company. Bates… put you on the track for the TV title because he knows what you and I know… He can’t beat you one on one.
Who know’s this mystery opponent might be another crony and they will lay the TV strap on him and get Bates away from the ass whipping I want to give him and I know you want to give him. Gemini… it sucks losing… I had some respect for you, but when you fell into the tired bullshit of claiming they named a Battle Royal after you. Understand man. The Battle Royal has been around longer than you have been alive.
Grayson Pierce, I am honored to have stayed off your radar. I was amused by you game board… made me laugh. What’s funny is normally armies are scared of things flying off radar in stealth mode. Those weapons are much more dangerous. I guess we will see at Slam…
:: Jason tosses the pictures in the water and walks back toward the road. A car beeps and a WcF fan hangs out of the window…
WCF FAN: Hey look it’s CJ Pheonix…
:: The camera begins to fade, but Jason is still audible…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Wheeling, West Virginia… "Where all colored people look the same." WcF: World Confederacy Foundation.
:: Camera fades as Jason chuckles to himself...
