The Magnificent Bastard..In ALL HIS GLORY!

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                 The Magnificent Bastard
                       Adrian Archer





(Darkness..then epic voiceover man is heard making the following announcement, with slow fade into black and white slow motion footage of Adrian Archer in the ring, Adrian Archer flashing his trademark smile, Adrian Archer smoking a cigar, and various other leisure activities, some involving scantily clad women..)



Epic Voiceover Man: The following production is brought to you for your immense enjoyment by The Magnificent Bastard, Adrian Archer..HASHTAG..BEHOLD THE BASTARD!!!



(Cue epic violin music)



"He gave his father "the talk"..



"His lovemaking has been detected by a seismograph"



"His blood smells like cologne"



"He once brought a knife to a gunfight… just to even the odds"



He is...



The Magnificent Bastard!



(Slow fade of visual and music from the mans Magnificent face..)





                     Chapter 1: Put The Past Away..




(Scene fades in to the front gate of Adrian Archer's desert oasis..that is, what used to be Adrian Archer's desert oasis, for there is a For Sale sign to the viewers right..As the camera pans wider, a crew of many men is seen loading numerous trucks with valuables..Adrian Archer stands watch, dark blue collared shirt untucked over black jeans..Trademark Aviators..He is almost unrecognizable though; the only way we know its him for sure is by the distinctive voice, smooth yet firm, driving the movers to action..)



AA: No no..THAT Box goes in the storage Truck...That Dresser goes to Goodwill..And That Table is going to The New Place..



Mover: This table? Its bigger than your new place!



AA: HEY! Do I pay you to talk? Or decorate? NO! I pay you to move my stuff where I say it goes! Find a way Champ!



(Just then, a reporter from the Pico Mundo Times comes into view..He wears khakis, and an out of style Hawaiian shirt, faded from years of service..He holds a notebook, and has a small badge that says "Press" on it, just in case there was anyone else there covering the move of Pico Mundo's most famous resident..We zoom in on the two..Adrian shakes the hand of his long time friend..)



AA: Ernie! How the hell are ya? Working on that Pulitzer Prize buddy?



Ernie: *Sigh* No, still human interest..20 years and I'm stuck on Human Interest..



AA: Goes big in these parts my friend..



Ernie: Adrian..I gotta say...I barely recognize you! I mean, you got taller almost overnight..your hair..



AA: Ernie my friend, its amazing what these L.A. doctors can do..The hair took some time and, as far as the height goes, lets just say some skillful chiropractic work combined with shedding about 143 lbs of Dead Weight...All of a sudden, I'm 6'2"!



Ernie: I remember as a kid you were tall..tall for your age..Guess life beat you down for a while..



AA: You could say that..



Ernie: How's the family?



AA: Well, the last round of meetings, I decided I'd had enough..It took a pretty sizable amount of money, but its all over now..



Ernie: What do you mean?



AA: I advised my lawyer to set aside money for my kids in a trust that they can only open..I gave my inlaws a new house and some in home help..they have full custody now..And I gave Alexa enough money to be comfortable for a while..



Ernie: So you basically bought your way out of your duties as a father?



AA:(Taken aback by such a question, knows where his old friend is coming from..Ernie can ask the questions nobody else can..He chuckles..)



Does look like that huh? No, actually, I did what was best for everyone involved..Alexa is estranged from her parents anyway, wants nothing to do with the kids other than child support..Her parents provide a stable home in a good area, and have plenty of love for the girls. A wrestlers life on the road is not a good life for a kid..I did the best I could..



(Adrian looks down in a very brief moment of humanity but snaps out of it.)



AA: Besides where I'm moving, women gonna be in n out all the time! As I said, being Magnificent has its advantages and disadvantages..



Ernie:(Looking quizzically at the suddenly cocky man he once knew..Everything about him had changed)

So..what about the gym?



AA: Gave the keys to the Mayor today..Up to the board what they wanna do..I have a staff of trainers now..No use driving 90 miles just to lift weights..



Ernie: So you're headed to the big city huh?



AA: Ernie my boy, its a new beginning for me..A second lease on life..and I am going to Seize The Day! Carpe Diem my friend..I spent too much of my damn life not realizing how truly Magnificent I am...You know how wonderful it is Ernie? To realize that you are a truly Magnificent Human Being meant for great things?



Ernie: Uh..no...



AA: Oh...



*Uncomfortable silence*



(Archer turns his attention toward his moving crew..One of the men is carrying a huge painting of Archer wearing a battle uniform crossing the Potomac.. and having trouble with it..)



AA: FOR FUCKS SAKE MAN...BE CAREFUL WITH THAT! THATS GOING IN MY BEDROOM THAT COST ME A FRICKEN MINT TO HAVE MADE! HELP HIM WITH THAT PLEASE!..



AA:(To Ernie) Good help is so hard to find these days...Hey ERNIE..Great talking to you man..Gotta crew to manage...(He shakes Ernies hand and hurries off)



(As Adrian goes and barks orders at his moving crew, Ernie looks...sad..Shaking his head..The Man that Adrian Archer once was is gone..Replaced by..This Magnificent Bastard...Ernie wipes the sweat from his brow, and we fade from this chapter..)





                 Chapter 2: The Bastard Is Home!




(Scene fades in..Hank Brown has been sent on an errand for WCF; on this day, he and the cameraman walk up to a towering building in sweltering Downtown Los Angeles..They both look up..Hank is sweating profusely..)



Hank: (To the cameraman) Which floor?



Cameraman: (From behind the lens) 22nd...



(Hank and cameraman walk in through a revolving door...The lobby of this place is..well..Magnificent..Beautiful Art Deco design combined with stunning fountains, a gorgeous chandelier, black marble floors and, of course, 2 large gentlemen wearing burgandy blazers over shirts and ties, standing behind a large concierge sort of desk..One of the man looks at the damp Hank Brown, slightly disgusted..)



Guard:And you are....



Hank: Hank Brown, WCF Reporter.



Guard: ..And you are here to see....



Hank: Adrian Archer?



(Guard looks down..Then smirks a bit..)



Guard: Oh yes! You must be Hank Brown..Here from WCF RIGHT?



Hank:(Annoyed at the false hospitality and apparent sarcasm) Yes..is he here?



Guard: As a matter of fact, he left me explicit instructions just for when you came by...



Hank: Great!



(As Hank and his cameraman head towards the golden gilded elevator, the two large men leave their posts and stand in front of the elevator.)



Hank: (Visibly annoyed) What...what the..



Guard: Sir, per Adrian's instructions, you are to take the stairs..And our first priority..is that our tenants...get..what they ask for! The stairs..are that way...



Hank: (Under his breath..) That fucking Bastard....



(Fade out..)




(Fade back in..Security footage shows Hank Brown and his cameraman gasping for air as the practically fall through the door on the 22nd floor...They catch their breath as we transition to the view from the WCF Cameraman..Hank Brown is hauling his jacket over his shoulder, and his armpits have massive sweat rings..)



Hank: *Pant*..Where...*Pant* Is...*Pant*...His Place..



Cameraman: I guess its the one with the Fuck you Welcome Mat..



(Sure enough, the classic image of the 50's style man giving the finger...)



Hank: Figures...*Knock Knock*



AA: COME IN!!!!! Thanks for coming guys! Its so awesome of you guys to come in and be the first to tour "The Bastard Pad!"



(Hank walks in, and the cameraman looks around..A really nice place..Granite counter tops, brand new everything..The hallway leads into a huge living room and study, decorated with various pieces of pop culture memorabilia, wrestling memorabilia, mostly of him, a large comfortable sofa, a 50" television, some easy chairs..Behind a sliding glass door is a large balcony perfect for entertaining, completely furnished with BBQ, patio furniture, the works. There is a granite bar with brass fixtures splitting the kitchen and Living room..Adrian, relaxed in a black silk robe that goes just past his kneecaps, walks to the bar and pours himself a scotch on the rocks..)



AA: Gentlemen..Please..have a seat..The chairs are extremely comfortable...Would you like something to drink? You know, I need to stop berating on Mr. Cash for drinking..I forgot how thoroughly enjoyable it could be..



Hank: Um yes...I'll have some water...



AA: NONSENSE MY GOOD FELLOW! You will have a Scotch and water..I would give you straight up Scotch, but you look a little..dehydrated there..



Hank: Yeah, what in the blue hell..



(At the very moment of Hank Browns insolence, Adrian leaps like a cat over the bar, two scotch and waters in high ball glasses, not spilling a drop...Quick as a hiccup, he is in face of Hank Brown..His voice resembles an evil hiss...)



AA: Pardon Me Mr. Brown, but I must ask that you alter your tone before I forcibly remove your voice box with my bare hands....



(Brown is terrified..But just as quickly, Adrian puts on that charming smile, stands up, and hands his guests their drinks..He sits on the couch Catty Corner from reporter and the cameraman who nervously hold napkins in their hands below the drinks..He lays back and manspreads..The camera quickly pans up above chest level as not to break the internet...In a measured, friendly tone....Adrian addresses his guests...)



AA: Gentlemen...You may be wondering why I had asked those fine guards to have you take the stairs up to my Magnificent Bastard pad...Well, you see gentlemen, before Mr. Brown so rudely assumed I did it in mean spirit, I was about to tell you the wonderous story and lesson behind this exercise...



You see gentlemen, I wanted to give you a taste of my struggles in purely allegorical form, of course..One cannot possibly cram 15 years of suffering..15 years of dull, drab, boring life, into just one exercise..NO! However, I felt the stairs were a perfect metaphor for my rise..My rise in life..My rise in WCF..From a mere Newbie to one of the most talked about superstars in a place full of characters..YES...The climb has been hard..Just like your toil on the stairs..But it was the climb, my good men, that taught me that I am Magnificent, and to live and act rightfully so..In your case, Mr. Brown, perhaps the climb has taught you how complacent you have become..Amazing that covering a sport that requires excellent fitness..that you can possibly stand to look at yourself in the mirror and not break down and cry...



(Brown nervously sips his drink..Then sets it on the coffee table..Ever the professional..Hank proceeds with the interview..)



Hank: Adrian...you have a match against Damian Kaine..A young man who looked up to you before you inexplicably betrayed..



AA: I beg your pardon Mr. Brown...But is it betrayal when a tumor is stricken from the body? A malignant growth carved from the flesh? When a parasitic tapeworm is removed from the bowel..Is it considered to be a betrayal of the tapeworm..Or do we rejoice that the poisoning offender has been removed from its host?

Gentlemen..Damian Kaine was a parasite..Damian Kaine latched himself onto me like a leech, sucking any and all opportunity away from me..People saw him with me and in their pathetic little minds aligned us together as "Losers"...Not seeing the frightening ability of myself, they were blinded to my potential by this silly little worm of a man who had attached himself, siphoning off my essence...I did what I had to do for the preservation of myself..And, believe me, once that parasitic little troll was no longer annoying me with phone calls, wanting to eat at Red Lobster and...BLECH..



(Adrian spits his drink out in disgust all over Hank Brown..Hank Brown cannot believe this..)



AA: Oh my Good man I am so sorry! Just the mere thought of Damian Kaine disgusts me..Pardon me..



(Adrian pulls out his Galaxy Note 7 and taps the screen a few times...Within a moment, his phone rings..)



*I'LL FADE AWAY AND CLASSIFY MYSELF AS OB*



AA: Yes..Charles..Send up a brand new suit of clothes for the gentleman whom you encountered earlier..Also, please send up a brand new set of clothes for his cameraman as well..Yes..Also, fresh towels...2 more robes..their size..yes..Just like mine...Yes full sets...And a full set of your finest mens care products...Thank you..



Hank: Okay..what..



AA: Gentlemen, I do not want it to be known that I am not a gracious host..Behold The Bastards Hospitality!



*KNOCK KNOCK*



(Adrian answers the door..3-4 men come in with tape measures...)



AA: STAND UP DON'T JUST SIT THERE...



(2 women follow with a full rack of stylish mens clothes and proceed to pick out some excellent clothes, the finest down to Tommy John Underwear and Socks..One of the men hands both Hank and The cameraman a basket containing expensive soaps, shampoos, and various men's care items while hey get measured...As quickly as they came, the support staff are gone, leaving two freshly pressed sets of clothing, socks, underwear, black silk robes, and towels...Hank stands in disbelief...)



Hank: How..but...



AA: You gentlemen hungry? I'm about to throw some ribeyes on out on the patio...2 bathrooms...One on the left, one on the right...Both have multiple showerheads..Make yourselves at home, take as long as you like..Get cleaned up..Everything is yours to keep...Okay?



Hank: Uh..



AA: MAGNIFICENT!!!!! Okay, turn that camera off..see you on the patio!



(Scene cuts quickly...)





                       CHAPTER 3: ON THE DECK...




(The scene cuts in as the camera is turned on...Hank Brown and his cameraman sit at one of the patio tables, each donning the exact same black silk robe as Archer! In the background, the iconic Los Angeles Skyline at dusk...The men are laughing, enjoying what appears to be Whiskey Sours...Archer stands at the Grill flipping steaks...We catch him at the end of a joke...)



AA: (Turning to his guests) So he says to the guy...If that's my thermometer...THEN WHERES MY PEN!!!!



(They all laugh hysterically as Archer plates the Magnificent Steaks for the gentlemen....)



AA: Gentlemen...BEHOLD...THE FEAST! And while you gentlemen enjoy...Allow me to address the ladyboy..Good Ol' Coors Light Himself...



(Adrian turns to the camera to lay some truth down..)



AA: Damian Kaine...for those of you out there who don't know why I call this guy Coors Light...Let me dumb it down for you...

Coors Light used to be called the Silver Bullet in ads, and so is Damien Kaine..But I think he has quite a few similarities to said beverage...

He's light...Jesus the women here weigh the same as him..

Only difference is, the women can actually scrap whereas Ladyboy over here...Well...

He has not come even close to a pin! He reminds me of those jobbers from the old 80's wrestling programs...You know, they come down and slap hands with the fans, looking all athletic and cocky...Until the real star of the show makes their way in and proceeds with a nice neat squash.



But I digress...



Coors Light is pisswater.

No substance, nothing to it.

The same can be said for Kaine..When I was new here, I thought I could take this spunky little guy under my wing and make something of him..Be the kind of Dad who didn't touch him on boy scout trips...Be a real mentor to him..But this kid..He was always ALWAYS wanting to hang out..Always calling me..I mean, he was like a little puppy dog BITCH..I figured I would do both of us a favor..Until he wanted to be a wrestler and not just my Towel Boy, I had to cut him loose..

I did it for his own good..Like the song A Boy Named Sue, by the immortal Johnny Cash, I figure Damien Kaine is gonna have to get tough...or die...Too bad when we meet in the ring at Slam, the latter will occur...



Now Damien Likes to say he's got this new "Hardcore" attitude going on...



Bitch PLEASE..


(He snickers, then turns serious again..)


You are talking to a man who survived the one and only KING OF THE DEATHMATCH TOURNAMENT!

Took Corey Mother Fucking Black to his limit!

Made Odin Balfore Scream so loud his country felt his pain..

.A man who beat one of the WCF originals Adam Young in a First Blood Match!

And took one of the REAL NEW YOUNG TALENTS Psychopomp to his limit..

And driven Mikey eXtreme through the glass..giving him wounds he will NEVER forget!

Bitch, you don't know SHIT about HARDCORE! I've lived it, breathed it, felt it in my bones..Felt it when the electricity surged through my body against Corey Black...Felt the barbed wire slice my flesh against Odin Balfore....Boy, I've stood up to the best and the biggest legends in this game and left them knowing that they had underestimated me...

Now, I was a different man then but, believe you me Coors Light LadyBoy...I still got the switch...And when I flip that switch...All I see...All I will visualize...All will turn blood red and you will turn into a target for my aggression...Cross hairs on your skinny, worthless body, with only destruction in mind...



(AA Composes himself...Then we see that Magnificent Smile...)



Damien, I know you are watching this...

In my singles debut Mr. Kaine...I don't just see this as a match...I see this as a Grand Opening to the show that is The Magnificent Bastard...

Already trending worldwide on Social Media...

The buzz..you hear that Mr. Kaine?

The buzz for the man that will revolutionize WCF...Will Rule WCF with his Magnificence...and a heavy hand...



Furthermore..I do not intend to disappoint in my singles debut..

Why, how silly would it be with all of this hype, all of this pomp and circumstance..All of the grandeur that you see before you..A new man made right before your very eyes! How incredibly foolish would it be to take you so lightly at this juncture...

I see you as a chore Damien..

You are that necessary first in a journey of a thousand steps to prominence..You are a chore that must be completed swiftly, with surgeon like precision, and with no mistakes..You represent all that I have built up to in my transformation into The Magnificent Bastard you see before you..You, Damien Kaine, will be a stepping stone...

You will be the first of many dominoes I will topple here in the WCF in the game of greatness..

You..will have a very important role Mr. Kaine...On the backs of you and others I will climb to my destiny as a force here in WCF...And during my victory...My focused, decisive victory...The whole of WCF will stand, admire...

to BEHOLD....THE BASTARD!!!!!!



(Behind AA, Hank Brown and his cameraman clap..Their plates are empty...Adrian turns to them, turning his attention away from the camera...)



Hank Brown: Dinner AND a show!



AA: The steaks were too your liking, gentlemen?



Hank Brown: In a word...MAGNIFICENT!



AA: Come, lets go inside...



(The men get up, cameraman getting his camera...we see the men walking...Adrian walking to the door..)



AA: (Extends his hand) Gentlemen, thank you for the company..I do apologize, but I have plans this evening...



Hank: (Shakes his hand rather limply.) Um..Ad..



AA: Call me Magnificent...



(Adrian shoves them out the door in their robes...Door slams shut behind them...Then opens again..)



Hank Brown: Ah I knew you were..



AA: Here are all your clothes, old and new..the lavish toiletries I bestowed upon you..And remember...Take the stairs or you will be arrested for trespassing...TA!



*SLAM*



(Hank, standing there in a silk bathrobe, holding his belongings, can only say one thing...)



Hank: That Magnificent...BASTARD...



(Hank shakes his head as the scene fades to black)