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Post by CJ Phoenix on Aug 28, 2016 0:57:59 GMT -5
Okay, so I really put a lot into this one. It's by far the longest RP I've made, and I fought through being sick since Wednesday and having some moments of depression to get this done. Not gonna lie, I feel pretty good about that lol. Anyways, I'd love some feedback on this RP, please and thank you! Alpha Lima Papa Hotel Alpha
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Post by Deleted on Aug 28, 2016 1:54:59 GMT -5
Mother fucker that shit was Lonnngggg!!!!!!
Sometimes, less is more. One can make an impact without typing a novel. That being said, your rp was a systematic destruction of your opponents..Bordering a bit on rambling at times, but overall a helluva statement! Well done!
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Post by CJ Phoenix on Aug 28, 2016 2:09:36 GMT -5
Lmao usually my RPs never top 3500 words. This one I felt needed to be way longer before going back down some. It's essentially my character taking a stand. As for the rambling, I've always had a bit of a problem with that, but I try to play it off and make it to where it's like a roller coaster in the dark and you never know when that next killer line will drop. That or like how Paul Heyman did after Lesnar broke the Streak. I totally understand your criticisms and thank you for your compliments! Also, thanks for taking the time out to provide feedback!
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Post by Chief Tom-O-Hawk on Aug 28, 2016 3:28:01 GMT -5
paragraphs are too long, break it up next time into shorter paragraphs. 3 or 4 small paragraphs make for an easier read than those massive chunks. Otherwise, great rp. Love the systematic destruction yet still uncertain how each section will transpire until it's there.
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Post by Dionysus on Aug 28, 2016 10:15:35 GMT -5
Okay, so I really put a lot into this one. It's by far the longest RP I've made, and I fought through being sick since Wednesday and having some moments of depression to get this done. Not gonna lie, I feel pretty good about that lol. Anyways, I'd love some feedback on this RP, please and thank you! Alpha Lima Papa Hotel AlphaI love "Randy Moss nasty". XD To be serious, I'll echo the others; while there is a lot of ground you covered (well researched, btw), the paragraphs are quite massive. If there's a way you can parse them out in future RPs, I think your promos will have a better look to them. Other than that, you did excellent work selling every opponent as a credible threat while pointing out where their weaknesses are. A prime example of a good hype promo.
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Post by CJ Phoenix on Aug 28, 2016 10:53:12 GMT -5
Sorry about making the paragraphs a bit too long there. I thought about changing it after I read your comments, but it would feel like I'm cheating. So I'm gonna leave it like it is and use it as a reminder of what I need to work on so that I don't time mile long paragraphs lol. Thanks for the feedback though!
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Post by Dionysus on Aug 28, 2016 11:09:20 GMT -5
Sorry about making the paragraphs a bit too long there. I thought about changing it after I read your comments, but it would feel like I'm cheating. So I'm gonna leave it like it is and use it as a reminder of what I need to work on so that I don't time mile long paragraphs lol. Thanks for the feedback though! Eh, no sweat. If it helps, try adding in what the character is doing to split up the monologue.
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