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Post by Henry Spearman on Aug 12, 2016 11:26:14 GMT -5
So I just posted this weeks roleplay. It is my first attempt at doing something of a sitcom style. I really tried to go full comedy here and would welcome so real honest feedback. Was it funny? Did you laugh hard? Did you just kind of chcuckle? Do you like the characters? Anything you guys can offer. i am actually considering writing a sitcom pilot and this is kind of my first test to see where im at right now.
THANKS!
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Post by jasoncash on Aug 12, 2016 12:33:13 GMT -5
Not really funny. Dialogue is too long and kinda ruins it
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Post by Henry Spearman on Aug 12, 2016 13:17:53 GMT -5
Not really funny. Dialogue is too long and kinda ruins it Bummer. Did you think the content just wasn't funny or did you lose interest based on the length of dialogue? Like would you have enjoyed it if it was a thousand words shorter or did you just think the situation wasn't funny? Appreciate the honesty bro
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Post by jasoncash on Aug 12, 2016 16:20:44 GMT -5
Not really funny. Dialogue is too long and kinda ruins it Bummer. Did you think the content just wasn't funny or did you lose interest based on the length of dialogue? Like would you have enjoyed it if it was a thousand words shorter or did you just think the situation wasn't funny? Appreciate the honesty bro I got what you were trying to do, it was just the dialogue being too long. I'll read again and give some examples. I remember a funny sentence at the beginning of a price of dialogue but then he just kept talking and ruined. Would have been great alone y'know? But I'm more of a one liner guy. Not a fan of a ton of dialoue in comedy. Like. I hated Seinfeld and most sitcoms due to that
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Post by jasoncash on Aug 12, 2016 16:26:41 GMT -5
Can't copy with my phone. For instance..the bit about kitty litter wglhere he say "That's not my fault. Bla blah". Could have done without those first two sentences and just gone with "It's not my fault the only people who use it are homeless in the area"
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Post by Henry Spearman on Aug 12, 2016 16:41:58 GMT -5
Can't copy with my phone. For instance..the bit about kitty litter wglhere he say "That's not my fault. Bla blah". Could have done without those first two sentences and just gone with "It's not my fault the only people who use it are homeless in the area" Funny you chose that one. That's exactly how it was the first time I wrote it. I went back and added the extra line. I did base this heavily off of Seinfeld so I'm not surprised if you didn't like seinfeld. I appreciate the feedback. I would really like to try my hand at comedic writing and its difficult to hear that something you thought was funny wasn't to someone else but its necessary for improvement
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Post by Gemini Battle on Aug 12, 2016 17:22:43 GMT -5
It's so hard to write comedy. Comedy is so much about delivery.
'BILLY, GET OFF THE SHED!"
Isn't very funny. But when Will Ferrell shouts it while barbecuing it's hilarious.
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Post by Henry Spearman on Aug 12, 2016 17:27:27 GMT -5
Hahaha yea. When my wife read this roleplay she sort of chuckled but not really. When I read it TO her she was laughing hard.
Why? Because I gave an individual voice to each Character......and she's easy to make laugh haha
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