Post by "The Real Deal" Jason O'Neal on Aug 9, 2016 22:01:21 GMT -5
:: Manicured lawn, ornate fountains, shrubs, flower bushes… this could only be one place. Jason O’Neal’s lavish home in the heart of New Orleans. The aerial panoramic view gives way to a view poolside. The pool is cut in the ground and cemented in some abstract shape which could be mistaken from for a Rorschach test. Music is playing, smoke is coming from the barbeque pit, expertly placed into the outdoor kitchen. The heat is obvious because it is a Louisiana Summer day, but the scantily clad women in next to nothing bikinis made it even hotter. There’s about twenty of them: dancing, flirting, and overall partying with Jason O’Neal crew from the 9th ward of New Orleans. Ten of those prototypical thugs lined the poolside in various positions of party.
The camera searches around looking for the only person worth looking for. When the camera catches up to him he is in a compromising situation with a female. He sits tucked off in a corner and let’s just say she is tongue tied. Her head rhythmically bounces keeping all that is best left unseen…well…unseen. The camera man clears his throat. Jason either didn’t hear or didn’t care…
CAMERA MAN: Mr. O’Neal… (Sheepishly and clearing his throat again) you called for a promo shoot.
:: Once again he goes unnoticed as Jason gets his just desserts…
CAMERA MAN: I guess we wasted tape, I’ll be ba…
:: Jason stops him with a raise of a pointer finger…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL (calmly): You are paid to be here to capture my life for WcF fans, go ahead and capture it won’t take long she is good at what she does.
CAMERA MAN: But sir… kids are wat…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: They have to learn one da…
:: Jason pauses mid-word to…shall we say… release tension. The camera scrambled to bring the frame to face level. As Jason, zips his pants and the beautiful woman licks her lips. She leans in to kiss Jason on the cheek. Jason swerves her advancement.
..
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Bitch…please you know the rules. Sorry not sorry, but thanks.
:: He pats her on the butt as she walks by and she blows him a kiss. Jason looks into the camera and smiles and winks theatrically breaking the fourth wall he already broke by talking to the camera man…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Follow me, dipshit… and make damned sure Seth Lerch doesn’t edit any of this.
:: It is at this point, the WcF camera following O’Neal, we notice for the first time the inordinate amounts of drugs packaged for sale and distribution and the guns. Jason wades through people to the grill where a massive wall of a man stands manning the grill. Jason daps the man up and presents him to the camera…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Ladies and gentlemen at home... boys and girls who have just gotten a quick lesson in reproductive health…this is Jerome “The Beast” Franklin… Whatcha got on the grill… here grab a shot of this.
:: Jason grabs the lens of the camera and points it to the grill where a variety of meats are cooking for the enjoyment of the guest…
CAMERA MAN: Mr. O’Neal, the camera is very expensive, can you please not touch it.
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Hey, Beast the camera is really expensive…
JEROME “THE BEAST” FRANKLIN: Oh really...
:: That last statement was said with a bit of enthusiasm and the camera man should have known what was coming. After a brief few seconds of struggle, the view of the camera is one of swimsuits and water as it sinks to the bottom of the pool…
CAMERA MAN: This f*cker just cost me $4,000 worth of equipment on that camera… f*cking producer, good ratings my ass… This is getting old…
:: He was too busy setting up the camera, audibly and with the right lens that he didn’t notice he had walked into the massive man.
JEROME "THE BEAST" FRANKLIN: What's getting old?
CAMERA MAN: Nothing…(awkward silence)…um… sir. Is Mr. O’Neal decent?
JEROME “THE BEAST” FRANKLIN: F*ck no…he is hood.
CAMERA MAN: I mean is he camera ready…
JEROME “THE BEAST” FRANKLIN: Always.
:: The camera follows once again past the sexuality, the guns, and the drugs to find Jason O’Neal chatting up another girl. This time it really is just chatting…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: I’ll get back to you after this promo is finished.
:: She walks way and her perfectly shaped ass receives a smack from Jason O’Neal…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: He Rome, did you drop that package at the high school yet?
JEROME “THE BEAST” FRANKLIN: Yeah it should be flipped in five days. Who knew 15 year olds could sell better than your best gang members?
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: I did and I can pay those little lights of sunshine less. Do I smell burnt ribs?
:: It is quite funny to see the big man saunter across the area to the grill to check his delicacies. The camera watches as the big guy weaves like a gazelle through the human traffic with great agility. Jason shakes his head laughing…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Hard to find good help man. Might as well hire a body guard you have known your whole life, right?
CAMERA MAN: I guess…can we hurry this up?
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Here, hit this.
:: Jason passes him a lit joint…
CAMERA MAN: I really don’t smo…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Hit it or leave.
CAMERA MAN: I drove from Jackson, MS for this. What the hell are you talking about leav…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL (interrupting): You film my life you are part of my life. Hit it or leave.
CAMERA MAN: We are randomly drug tested, I could lose my job.
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: I control Seth Lerch’s private supply. You lose your job, I cut him off of the California good stuff. He is good. And besides (Jason reaches off camera and tosses a roll of hundreds into the camera man’s off hand) this job pays ten G’s a pop.
CAMERA MAN: Give me that sh*t.
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Figured you would see it my way.
:: Jason passes the joint and a puff of smoke fills the camera. Coughing is audible from behind the camera…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Slow down rookie…that’s the best sh*t around. What’s your name?
CAMERA MAN: Travis Randolph.
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Well, Travis, do I have my personal WcF cameraman or what?
TRAVIS RANDOLPH high setting in): Hellllll yeeeeeaaah.
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Let’s get the WcF show on the road and give the people what they want to hear.
:: Jason frames himself under a pergola in a luxury chair. The party in the background. Sex, drugs, and violence played out in the background. Welcome to O’Neal’s life…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: You got it in frame?
TRAVIS RANDOLPH (focusing the lens): Yep.
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Boy it feels good to be under contract and not have to do illegal things to pirate the feed of WcF. Contrary to popular belief and current sights, I don’t like breaking the law. It’s just a necessity from time to time to get what is needed when it is needed. I pirated the feed to get booked into a match and under contract. I won that match, got a bum’s wage and threw this kickass party. It is always fun to win a debut… no matter how shitty the competition was. However, that’s not the reason for the party.
The reason for the party is because there is a vacant title in the WcF. You see while Brent Alpine, Bates, and Seth Lerch played catch the weenie at Slam Sunday Night, they, at the end of the night, left a championship unclaimed. Of course, Shine Boy, McDumbass gets a push to the top. Once again the favorites get pushed and the best of the best are left fighting Mark Gallagher again. Seth, you caved, you gave me a contract. After I win this week, give me the Alpha Title. It is the first step…the first step of many in the quest to a world title. It’s time we have a challenger and a contender that will give some life to the WcF and bring out the true nature of these losers you call champions.
:: Travis is heard chuckling on the backend of the camera…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: What’s so funny?
TRAVIS RANDOLPH: You are right. I’ve been the location shooter for three years now and these guys are nowhere near as interesting as you.
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Because I’m me. Now try not to interrupt me again.
:: The camera re-focuses…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Not quite the lowest man on the totem poll this week… I don’t have to fight a man with a shield this week. I’ve graduated to a low class version of anime bullshit and the same Mortal Combat Goro looking f*ck I beat last week. I’m not in the first match of the week. I have number two. I must have really impressed somebody. Holy hell, this O’Neal guy won…let’s push him…up one slot on the card. F*cking Brent Alpine loses a match and gets awarded a title shot. The f*ck?
Seth, stop f*cking around with my career you dumbf*ck. You want to make money... you want to this shit hole to hit the next level…hey…I’m right here. Stop pushing Oblivion, Alpine, and Bishop. Yeah I get it, they have been here the longest and give the best head, but there are others here who are waaaaayy more talented.
:: Jason shifts his weight and puts his elbows on his knees. He speaks candidly into the camera…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Gallagher…last week, you took the first promo…I frankly had the chance to rebut and make you seem like the blubbering idiot you look like. I figured like any man worth his shit. I’d take the first crack at you and let you rebut. I’m sure Mr. Goro, sir, you should be able to say something about me besides I’m your first meal this time around. Try really hard…I’m sure you can do it.
Are there short busses in Shitfield dude and does is stink? Is that why you shaved your head because you been rolling around making pig babies in a field full of sh*t and there was no way to get the sh*t out of your hair? I would brag on the victory I had over you at Slam last week, but it was a jobberific toilet bowl match-up. We were not supposed to shine. We were supposed to be lack luster and I’m pretty sure anyone with half a brain skipped the match and move over.
Therefore, you don’t have to worry…no one saw you get Superkicked so hard it knocked you the hell out. The only thing I regret is that I did not pin you for win. Chances are you regret it as well you homosexual f*ck. You probably wanted to be held down by Dion “The Shield Waving Lunatic.”
As the story goes, I won. Seth is putting me through everlasting hell putting me up against the gimmicks and the jobbers. Prove your stripes…maybe a feud may arise. If I am stuck in a feud with you Gallagher, I need to reevaluate my life ambitions. Wrestling is not for me if I am stuck low card with the likes of you. Seriously, you have already embarrassed Shitfield, England by losing to me and for that matter, Dion because your punkass was out of the picture when the match was won. He had more of chance to win than you. The last thing you want to do is embarrass the rest of England. You should simply walk away and reassess your career. I hear Mortal Kombat is looking to make a reboot. I’m sure they could use a Goro character. Big and stupid.
Please…save me the trouble…you put someone in a coma…you served in the military…you have done bad things in the closet with Mr. Happy Pants the clown at Agatha’s birthday in the 5th grade... Isn’t Agatha like the best English girl’s name? Listen, I’m going to tell you this you steroidal freak, you are not going to kill me or any of that. Please don’t exaggerate. It is rather dry and serves no purpose. Show me the man behind the curtain. Loose the four arms and the 3am drunk dials to your ex-boyfriend. Come real, plain, and simple. How did you say it last week? See you next week Jobber-the-hut.
:: Jason turns his attention to the grill area…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Hey Rome, can you hook me up with a burger? Travis you want anything?
TRAVIS RANDOLPH (Behind the camera): Those ribs looked really good.
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: And half a rack!
:: The big man shoots a thumb up and Jason continues his verbal rant on his low card match-up from hell this week…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Zero Tolerance… it seems you have a tolerance no talent, no focus, anti-climactic Japanese freakazoids. Facepaint fetishes aside, I think Crazy J and the other Farttard would do wonders for their career if they dropped Kira Izumi. Kira literally is like watching a live action anime in Japanese. Half the people don’t understand what hell he is saying and the other half don’t care. Just like Seth to put me in a match against a bad remake of Street Fighter. I find it funny that the two characters I am facing are similar in that respect. I say characters because there is no way anyone who was not molested as child seriously acts like this. It is like old school Nintendo… Jean Claude Van Dam’s version of Street Fighter was anime personified and it sucked…by the way, for those watching at home…I’m speaking of Kira. And of course there is Goro the four armed muscle freak with half the brains Gallagher.
Seriously, though Mr. Izuzu…your version of Japanese culture is lame. I was expecting like Masaharu Morimoto from Iron Chef and I got Goth Hello Kitty. What’s worse is that you speak like an American. So what the f*ck are you. Are Japanese or are some whiteboy f*ggot who lives in his mom’s basement and fantasizes about girls that look like guys in facepaint. Yeah I say Crazy J’s last promo.
You are the deadweight in the living Deadweight that is Zero Tolerance. You dream, you fantasize about having a brotherhood, a family because of you mommy issues and shit. Think about Silence of the Lambs, you met these f*ckers on the wrestling circuit what 2 years ago? If you look behind me. This is a brotherhood. The 25 men willing to die for me and with me if something goes down on the streets of life. The only thing you three are willing to die for is the 50% off mascara at Cover Girl.
Kira, I look forward to your response, I’m sure it will have some more dead children or something. I saw your last f*cking trippy ass promo. What the f*ck are you smoking? Is that some Japanese shit no one here knows about? I seriously need to corner the market on that shit. Because your bitchass is crazy. Not crazy like kick your ass and take names. I’m talking crazy like seeing dead Uncle Lou dressed up as Happy Pants the clown at Agatha’s 5th birthday party in Shitfield, England. Brace yourself Kira, inour last promo you did some theatrical shit where you symbolically sliced the throats of sick children… because you saw it once in some anime porn and you like it, I guarantee Gallagher is going to mention how he did it better. He is the Oprah Winfrey of WcF.
You are two and O. Congrats. Let’s see you have beat…uhhh…absolutely nobody. Adam Young has less talent than that first bitch you saw handling business when we first went on air. Shit I barely consider myself 1-0 because I only beat Dion and Mark. Two of the worse people here. I’m hoping Kira, I’m praying that you give me some substance and not some bad acid trip that no one wants to watch except you dead momma who told you to kill the leukemia kids.
Please don’t come out here and brag about being two and O. You didn’t get the pin, Crazy J did. You didn’t win. I want you to understand. You won’t have tweedle dee and tweedle dumb Sunday Night to get a pin for you. You are going to have stand on your own and quite frankly… I think Gallagher can beat you.
:: Just then a smoking hot Asian chick bring Jason his burger and Travis his rack of ribs…
ASIAN CHICK: Compliments of the chef…
TRAVIS RANDOLPH: Now that’s authentic Japanese. I can stand behind that.
ASIAN CHICK: I’m Korean.
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: You’re Japanese today. Take Travis inside and serve the sushi.
:: She takes Travis by the hand and leads him toward the house. The camera shakes and drops where there is no clear frame as Travis walks into the house. The audio catches Jason O’Neal’s last words…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: That’s a damn good burger.
:: Fade to black…
The camera searches around looking for the only person worth looking for. When the camera catches up to him he is in a compromising situation with a female. He sits tucked off in a corner and let’s just say she is tongue tied. Her head rhythmically bounces keeping all that is best left unseen…well…unseen. The camera man clears his throat. Jason either didn’t hear or didn’t care…
CAMERA MAN: Mr. O’Neal… (Sheepishly and clearing his throat again) you called for a promo shoot.
:: Once again he goes unnoticed as Jason gets his just desserts…
CAMERA MAN: I guess we wasted tape, I’ll be ba…
:: Jason stops him with a raise of a pointer finger…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL (calmly): You are paid to be here to capture my life for WcF fans, go ahead and capture it won’t take long she is good at what she does.
CAMERA MAN: But sir… kids are wat…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: They have to learn one da…
:: Jason pauses mid-word to…shall we say… release tension. The camera scrambled to bring the frame to face level. As Jason, zips his pants and the beautiful woman licks her lips. She leans in to kiss Jason on the cheek. Jason swerves her advancement.
..
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Bitch…please you know the rules. Sorry not sorry, but thanks.
:: He pats her on the butt as she walks by and she blows him a kiss. Jason looks into the camera and smiles and winks theatrically breaking the fourth wall he already broke by talking to the camera man…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Follow me, dipshit… and make damned sure Seth Lerch doesn’t edit any of this.
:: It is at this point, the WcF camera following O’Neal, we notice for the first time the inordinate amounts of drugs packaged for sale and distribution and the guns. Jason wades through people to the grill where a massive wall of a man stands manning the grill. Jason daps the man up and presents him to the camera…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Ladies and gentlemen at home... boys and girls who have just gotten a quick lesson in reproductive health…this is Jerome “The Beast” Franklin… Whatcha got on the grill… here grab a shot of this.
:: Jason grabs the lens of the camera and points it to the grill where a variety of meats are cooking for the enjoyment of the guest…
CAMERA MAN: Mr. O’Neal, the camera is very expensive, can you please not touch it.
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Hey, Beast the camera is really expensive…
JEROME “THE BEAST” FRANKLIN: Oh really...
:: That last statement was said with a bit of enthusiasm and the camera man should have known what was coming. After a brief few seconds of struggle, the view of the camera is one of swimsuits and water as it sinks to the bottom of the pool…
------------------
:: When the camera returns, the camera man is making his way back to the party. He is walking among the luxurious grass talking to himself…CAMERA MAN: This f*cker just cost me $4,000 worth of equipment on that camera… f*cking producer, good ratings my ass… This is getting old…
:: He was too busy setting up the camera, audibly and with the right lens that he didn’t notice he had walked into the massive man.
JEROME "THE BEAST" FRANKLIN: What's getting old?
CAMERA MAN: Nothing…(awkward silence)…um… sir. Is Mr. O’Neal decent?
JEROME “THE BEAST” FRANKLIN: F*ck no…he is hood.
CAMERA MAN: I mean is he camera ready…
JEROME “THE BEAST” FRANKLIN: Always.
:: The camera follows once again past the sexuality, the guns, and the drugs to find Jason O’Neal chatting up another girl. This time it really is just chatting…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: I’ll get back to you after this promo is finished.
:: She walks way and her perfectly shaped ass receives a smack from Jason O’Neal…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: He Rome, did you drop that package at the high school yet?
JEROME “THE BEAST” FRANKLIN: Yeah it should be flipped in five days. Who knew 15 year olds could sell better than your best gang members?
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: I did and I can pay those little lights of sunshine less. Do I smell burnt ribs?
:: It is quite funny to see the big man saunter across the area to the grill to check his delicacies. The camera watches as the big guy weaves like a gazelle through the human traffic with great agility. Jason shakes his head laughing…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Hard to find good help man. Might as well hire a body guard you have known your whole life, right?
CAMERA MAN: I guess…can we hurry this up?
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Here, hit this.
:: Jason passes him a lit joint…
CAMERA MAN: I really don’t smo…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Hit it or leave.
CAMERA MAN: I drove from Jackson, MS for this. What the hell are you talking about leav…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL (interrupting): You film my life you are part of my life. Hit it or leave.
CAMERA MAN: We are randomly drug tested, I could lose my job.
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: I control Seth Lerch’s private supply. You lose your job, I cut him off of the California good stuff. He is good. And besides (Jason reaches off camera and tosses a roll of hundreds into the camera man’s off hand) this job pays ten G’s a pop.
CAMERA MAN: Give me that sh*t.
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Figured you would see it my way.
:: Jason passes the joint and a puff of smoke fills the camera. Coughing is audible from behind the camera…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Slow down rookie…that’s the best sh*t around. What’s your name?
CAMERA MAN: Travis Randolph.
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Well, Travis, do I have my personal WcF cameraman or what?
TRAVIS RANDOLPH high setting in): Hellllll yeeeeeaaah.
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Let’s get the WcF show on the road and give the people what they want to hear.
:: Jason frames himself under a pergola in a luxury chair. The party in the background. Sex, drugs, and violence played out in the background. Welcome to O’Neal’s life…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: You got it in frame?
TRAVIS RANDOLPH (focusing the lens): Yep.
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Boy it feels good to be under contract and not have to do illegal things to pirate the feed of WcF. Contrary to popular belief and current sights, I don’t like breaking the law. It’s just a necessity from time to time to get what is needed when it is needed. I pirated the feed to get booked into a match and under contract. I won that match, got a bum’s wage and threw this kickass party. It is always fun to win a debut… no matter how shitty the competition was. However, that’s not the reason for the party.
The reason for the party is because there is a vacant title in the WcF. You see while Brent Alpine, Bates, and Seth Lerch played catch the weenie at Slam Sunday Night, they, at the end of the night, left a championship unclaimed. Of course, Shine Boy, McDumbass gets a push to the top. Once again the favorites get pushed and the best of the best are left fighting Mark Gallagher again. Seth, you caved, you gave me a contract. After I win this week, give me the Alpha Title. It is the first step…the first step of many in the quest to a world title. It’s time we have a challenger and a contender that will give some life to the WcF and bring out the true nature of these losers you call champions.
:: Travis is heard chuckling on the backend of the camera…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: What’s so funny?
TRAVIS RANDOLPH: You are right. I’ve been the location shooter for three years now and these guys are nowhere near as interesting as you.
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Because I’m me. Now try not to interrupt me again.
:: The camera re-focuses…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Not quite the lowest man on the totem poll this week… I don’t have to fight a man with a shield this week. I’ve graduated to a low class version of anime bullshit and the same Mortal Combat Goro looking f*ck I beat last week. I’m not in the first match of the week. I have number two. I must have really impressed somebody. Holy hell, this O’Neal guy won…let’s push him…up one slot on the card. F*cking Brent Alpine loses a match and gets awarded a title shot. The f*ck?
Seth, stop f*cking around with my career you dumbf*ck. You want to make money... you want to this shit hole to hit the next level…hey…I’m right here. Stop pushing Oblivion, Alpine, and Bishop. Yeah I get it, they have been here the longest and give the best head, but there are others here who are waaaaayy more talented.
:: Jason shifts his weight and puts his elbows on his knees. He speaks candidly into the camera…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Gallagher…last week, you took the first promo…I frankly had the chance to rebut and make you seem like the blubbering idiot you look like. I figured like any man worth his shit. I’d take the first crack at you and let you rebut. I’m sure Mr. Goro, sir, you should be able to say something about me besides I’m your first meal this time around. Try really hard…I’m sure you can do it.
Are there short busses in Shitfield dude and does is stink? Is that why you shaved your head because you been rolling around making pig babies in a field full of sh*t and there was no way to get the sh*t out of your hair? I would brag on the victory I had over you at Slam last week, but it was a jobberific toilet bowl match-up. We were not supposed to shine. We were supposed to be lack luster and I’m pretty sure anyone with half a brain skipped the match and move over.
Therefore, you don’t have to worry…no one saw you get Superkicked so hard it knocked you the hell out. The only thing I regret is that I did not pin you for win. Chances are you regret it as well you homosexual f*ck. You probably wanted to be held down by Dion “The Shield Waving Lunatic.”
As the story goes, I won. Seth is putting me through everlasting hell putting me up against the gimmicks and the jobbers. Prove your stripes…maybe a feud may arise. If I am stuck in a feud with you Gallagher, I need to reevaluate my life ambitions. Wrestling is not for me if I am stuck low card with the likes of you. Seriously, you have already embarrassed Shitfield, England by losing to me and for that matter, Dion because your punkass was out of the picture when the match was won. He had more of chance to win than you. The last thing you want to do is embarrass the rest of England. You should simply walk away and reassess your career. I hear Mortal Kombat is looking to make a reboot. I’m sure they could use a Goro character. Big and stupid.
Please…save me the trouble…you put someone in a coma…you served in the military…you have done bad things in the closet with Mr. Happy Pants the clown at Agatha’s birthday in the 5th grade... Isn’t Agatha like the best English girl’s name? Listen, I’m going to tell you this you steroidal freak, you are not going to kill me or any of that. Please don’t exaggerate. It is rather dry and serves no purpose. Show me the man behind the curtain. Loose the four arms and the 3am drunk dials to your ex-boyfriend. Come real, plain, and simple. How did you say it last week? See you next week Jobber-the-hut.
:: Jason turns his attention to the grill area…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Hey Rome, can you hook me up with a burger? Travis you want anything?
TRAVIS RANDOLPH (Behind the camera): Those ribs looked really good.
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: And half a rack!
:: The big man shoots a thumb up and Jason continues his verbal rant on his low card match-up from hell this week…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: Zero Tolerance… it seems you have a tolerance no talent, no focus, anti-climactic Japanese freakazoids. Facepaint fetishes aside, I think Crazy J and the other Farttard would do wonders for their career if they dropped Kira Izumi. Kira literally is like watching a live action anime in Japanese. Half the people don’t understand what hell he is saying and the other half don’t care. Just like Seth to put me in a match against a bad remake of Street Fighter. I find it funny that the two characters I am facing are similar in that respect. I say characters because there is no way anyone who was not molested as child seriously acts like this. It is like old school Nintendo… Jean Claude Van Dam’s version of Street Fighter was anime personified and it sucked…by the way, for those watching at home…I’m speaking of Kira. And of course there is Goro the four armed muscle freak with half the brains Gallagher.
Seriously, though Mr. Izuzu…your version of Japanese culture is lame. I was expecting like Masaharu Morimoto from Iron Chef and I got Goth Hello Kitty. What’s worse is that you speak like an American. So what the f*ck are you. Are Japanese or are some whiteboy f*ggot who lives in his mom’s basement and fantasizes about girls that look like guys in facepaint. Yeah I say Crazy J’s last promo.
You are the deadweight in the living Deadweight that is Zero Tolerance. You dream, you fantasize about having a brotherhood, a family because of you mommy issues and shit. Think about Silence of the Lambs, you met these f*ckers on the wrestling circuit what 2 years ago? If you look behind me. This is a brotherhood. The 25 men willing to die for me and with me if something goes down on the streets of life. The only thing you three are willing to die for is the 50% off mascara at Cover Girl.
Kira, I look forward to your response, I’m sure it will have some more dead children or something. I saw your last f*cking trippy ass promo. What the f*ck are you smoking? Is that some Japanese shit no one here knows about? I seriously need to corner the market on that shit. Because your bitchass is crazy. Not crazy like kick your ass and take names. I’m talking crazy like seeing dead Uncle Lou dressed up as Happy Pants the clown at Agatha’s 5th birthday party in Shitfield, England. Brace yourself Kira, inour last promo you did some theatrical shit where you symbolically sliced the throats of sick children… because you saw it once in some anime porn and you like it, I guarantee Gallagher is going to mention how he did it better. He is the Oprah Winfrey of WcF.
You are two and O. Congrats. Let’s see you have beat…uhhh…absolutely nobody. Adam Young has less talent than that first bitch you saw handling business when we first went on air. Shit I barely consider myself 1-0 because I only beat Dion and Mark. Two of the worse people here. I’m hoping Kira, I’m praying that you give me some substance and not some bad acid trip that no one wants to watch except you dead momma who told you to kill the leukemia kids.
Please don’t come out here and brag about being two and O. You didn’t get the pin, Crazy J did. You didn’t win. I want you to understand. You won’t have tweedle dee and tweedle dumb Sunday Night to get a pin for you. You are going to have stand on your own and quite frankly… I think Gallagher can beat you.
:: Just then a smoking hot Asian chick bring Jason his burger and Travis his rack of ribs…
ASIAN CHICK: Compliments of the chef…
TRAVIS RANDOLPH: Now that’s authentic Japanese. I can stand behind that.
ASIAN CHICK: I’m Korean.
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: You’re Japanese today. Take Travis inside and serve the sushi.
:: She takes Travis by the hand and leads him toward the house. The camera shakes and drops where there is no clear frame as Travis walks into the house. The audio catches Jason O’Neal’s last words…
“THE REAL DEAL” JASON O’NEAL: That’s a damn good burger.
:: Fade to black…
