The Three Jobbers and The Handsome Prince
Jun 26, 2016 16:29:20 GMT -5
Nathan "Perfection" Chambers and Kevin Bishop like this
Post by Jeff Purse on Jun 26, 2016 16:29:20 GMT -5
'We have to have wars now and then just to prove we're still top dog'-Reginald Berkeley
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Jeff was sitting in the living room of his house in an armchair, he is dressed differently than usual, usually we see him in his tee shirt, The Future written on the front in jagged letters...but this time he is wearing a white dress shirt with a blue tie, black dress pants, and black dress shoes. Kari was sitting next to him in a very, very trendy turquoise dress with all the fixins on as well. Its harder for me to describe lady accessories because I don't know much about them, but she has got them all on that make someone look fucking amazing. She is holding Patrick Gage Purse, their son, who is dressed in cute baby dress clothes.
Across from them sit three people. One of them we have met before, Jeff Purse's mother, who is also dressed accordingly to the overall dress of the room. I feel like talking about what everyone is wearing may be good story telling, but its boring to write. So just assume everyone is dressed up sitting in this room. Because the next two people are people who have never appeared in a Jeff Purse story before. These people, a man and a woman, just over middle age, sit on the couch next to Jeff's mom.
On the middle cushion sits Kari's mother, Lucy Kendall. She has a similar facial structure to Kari, just a little more worn from age, but really she was a very good looking woman. She had an air to her, however, that gave off that she is the ruler of the house, so to speak. She is an opinionated woman who is not afraid to tell you what her opinion is and she doesn't take any kind of bullshit. To say that she was a bitch is too harsh though, because through and through she was a kind, caring woman.
Kari's father who sat next to her mother was a very different story. He graduated from Harvard Law and started up his own firm, which is a risky move for a new lawyer. He is very well known in his tristate area, however, and has since turned that law firm into an empire. He was a straight shooter who always, ALWAYS had to be correct. However, at home, he is aware that his wife is the one who wields the power, so outside of the home, he likes to throw his weight around so to speak. He was the first to speak when we joined their pow wow.
Clint Kendall: Jeffery, listen, we understand you have a lot going on in your business. But how does it look to our friends when we have to continue telling them, 'no, they have not set a date yet'? It makes us look foolish.
Molly Purse: I don't think that it has to do with his wrestling.
Jeff Purse: Look, I know we have been engaged for a couple years now. I know that-
Kari Kendall: Its not just Jeff's 'business' dad. I am a part of that too.
Clint Kendall: We thought he retired? What happened to that? What happened to the prom-
Kari Kendall: We have already talked about this dad. He is going to wrestle. Ok?
Jeff Purse: Its just-
Molly Purse: Its hard for Jeff. He needs distractions.
Jeff Purse: I don't-
Kari Kendall: Look, this is mine and Jeff's decision. Ok? Its got nothing to do with you guys.
Clint Kendall: Look, I just want to know that my daughter and grandson are going to be properly cared for.
Jeff Purse: Well, I mean-
Molly Purse: What are you implying? That my son isn't a good provider?
Jeff Purse: I mean Kari-
Kari Kendall: I make money. We are fine. A lot of people are just a family and not married now a days.
Clint Kendall: Please. He has cheated on you before Kari. I want to make sure you have something to fall back on.
Jeff Purse: That was-
Molly Purse: They have moved past that, CLINT.
Clint Kendall: Well MOLLY, your son leads an extravagant lifestyle.
The three of them begin fighting. Kari, Molly, and Clint, all shouting about Jeff and his family. Jeff's shoulders slump down a tad and thats when Kari's mom opened her mouth.
Ophelia Kendall: STOP!
The three of them all went silent at once. Ophelia, named after the character in Hamlet, had not spoken very loud. She merely said stop, and the bickering stopped. This woman knew how to command a room. She didn't speak, rather left the room in an uncomfortable silence while she sipped at her water. Licking her lips after her drink she looked directly at Jeff.
Ophelia Kendall: Jeff, listen. We love you. Clint is just being an ass.
Clint Kendall: I am-
Ophelia Kendall: Clint!
He went silent.
Ophelia Kendall: Now, we love you Jeff. We really do. We love the baby, and Molly, we love you. We are all family here, regardless of you two being married or not. And if you want to do your wrestling, by all means Jeffrey, do your wrestling. I enjoy watching it that is for sure. You're fighting tonight, right?
Jeff Purse; Yeah. Im defending the title.
Ophelia Kendall: Tell me, is that Nathan Chambers as cute in real life as he is on tv.
Jeff Purse: He is a jobber.
Ophelia Kendall: Oh yea, of course. But a cute one. Now listen, we love you. We love your craft. We just want to know what the hold up is. We were so excited when Kari told us about the engagement, and then you guys had your little bachelor and bachelorette parties. We just want to know what the issue is?
Jeff Purse: Its...look none of that stuff is getting in the way. I want to get married. Its not me.
Everyone has a look of shock. They all look at Kari who is sitting sheepishly.
Kari Kendall: Its got nothing to do with any of you.
Jeff Purse: Look. Kari doesn't think its the right time with everything going on right now. Is all. And we love each other so....you know...
Ophelia Kendall: Alright. Then. Kari. May I speak to you alone?
Kari Kendall: Sorry, I have to put Patrick down.
Ophelia gives Jeff a look. He turns to Kari.
Jeff Purse: I uh...I can do that.
He scoops up Patrick and walks him down the hall to a room full of baby like decorations. There is a small crib in the middle of the room that Jeff puts Patrick in, then he pulls up the rocking chair that both Kari and Jeff have already spent many nights sleeping in. He leans on the railing of the crib, looking down at his son.
Jeff Purse: Its hard to have a family, Patrick, I will tell you that. Especially when they don't get along at times. But you have a loving family, so don't worry about that, no matter how scary and intimidating they are. But hell, you got me, and I got you Patrick. Lets see, you need a story...what story should I tell you today...hmm. The Ugly Duckling? Nah, we have read that one already. Lets see...The Little Engine that Could...thats a good one but I don't wanna read it. Oh, I know, how about a Jeff Purse original? How about...um...The three Jobbers and the handsome Prince? Yeah, I like that.
=-=-=-=-=-The Three Jobbers and The Handsome Prince. By Jeff Purse-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Once upon a time there was a very Handsome Prince, Sir Jeffery The Purse. He rode through the land on a white steed, gallantly as a prince would do. He was quite the brave prince. Why he once slayed the beast who went around digging up graves, Grave the Digger, whom no other prince could manage to slay. He laid waste to the evil town called "Bravadoville" when he put his mighty sword which he called "Spoke" through the evil queen-witch 'TwiSarahtops' chest. He was the champion of the land, but there were three jobbers who were threatening his reign as Champion of the land. So sir Jeff the Purse rode to the drunken king Sethykins castle.
Drunken King Sethykins: Look *hic* I am only going to tell you this once. The jobbers *hic* they are abundant. And you my sir Purse, eats jobbers for breakfast. So, you are going to have to defeat all the jobbers through out the land *hic*. Lolz k?
Sir Jeff The Purse: Dear King, like, seriously, you need to lay off the hooch so much. Like, this is getting sad.
Drunken King Sethykins: HEY! I don't come to your home and make burgers.
Sir Jeff The Purse: That makes no sense dear king.
Drunken King Sethykins: I know you are but what *hic* am I?
Sir Jeff The Purse: Ok, so, like, where do I have to go to defeat these jobbers?
Drunken King Sethykins: I have to eat.
Sir Jeff The Purse: NO! Pay close attention, dear king. Where do I have to go to beat them?
Drunken King Sethykins: Each of them hold *hic* an emerald to get the great BLAST TREASURE!!! I'll give you directions or my secretary will. I REQUIRE HAUNCH!!
A giant meat stick comes out through a curtain behind it and he begins chowing down. Sir Jeff The Purse couldn't handle that so he went off on his journey to slay the three jobbers. Riding along on his steed he came across the first of the Jobbers. A big shack was where he resided, called "The Gamehouse" He was The Game keeper, and thus he was able to control animals. At least that is what the drunken king said. Sir Jeff The Purse didn't think that could be true. A human with control over an animal? No way.
He walked into the gamehouse, looking for The Game Keeper. The building was very big and open, filled with hay for all the animals to chow down on. There was only one animal in the building, a big ol' fat pig. Sir Jeff looked around and couldn't see anyone anywhere.
Sir Jeff The Purse: Hello?
?: What do you want?
Sir Jeff The Purse: Who goes there?
?: Tis I, James The Game Keeper.
Sir Jeff The Purse: Where are you?
James The Game Keeper: RIGHT HERE!!
Sir Jeff turned and saw the big fat pig.
Sir Jeff The Purse:...You?
The pig's big snout opened, and the pig spoke thusly...
Pig: Oink.
James The Game Keeper: You think I am the pig?
A man walks out from behind a stable. He is a short stout man, looking like he really couldn't do much. He was probably the weakest of the three jobbers, Sir Jeff The Purse thought. He immediately drew Spoke from his sheath.
James The Game Keeper: Whoa there fella. Whats the deal?
Sir Jeff The Purse: I am the noble Sir Jeff The Purse, I am the champion of the land, and I am here to slay your ass.
James The Game Keeper: Oh...um...actually about that...
Sir Jeff The Purse: THE TIME TO TALK IS NIGH!!
He lunges at James The Game Keeper, who gets defeated soundly. That spoke from out of nowhere is harsh, believe me when I say it. I mean it has defeated so many beasts before, and now he had taken perfect care of James The Game Keeper. Before finally fading into non-exsistance, he spoke to Sir Jeff The Purse.
James The Game Keeper: I...never had a chance...to beat you...you mighty and noble Prince. I was going to...give up right away...but you came at me with such a force...there was no way....no way I could ever best you in battle. You are my better...Sir...Jeff...The....Purse...The true Champion of the Land!
He dies. It wasn't very sad because nobody really knew him and nobody really cared about him. Remember, he was the first of three jobbers. So Sir Jeff The Purse rode on to the Perfect house of Perfection, where the rat, the disgusting, gross, icky rat Nathan of Chambers lived. He came from a place called Chambers. Thats what that means. So anyway, Sir Jeff The Purse kicked down the door, and burst into the filthy, disgusting, gross house that was Nathan of Chambers quarters.
The Chamber man stood, long, sleek, a long red robe flailing from his body. He held a glass of wine. He smiled as Sir Jeff The Purse came bursting in. He began his soliloquies because that is the only thing he could ever fucking do.
Nathan of Chambers: So, its Sir Jeff The Purse. I had been waiting for you for so long. To have a chance to prove myself against someone who sits upon the top of the world such as yourself. What do I have to do to match the greatness of Sir Jeff The Purse. For I know that there is no way that I can match up to you, and for that, I have to say sir, that coming to the conclusion that I am perfect and you are not, that I would defeat you soundly. Of course I would like to win. Of course-
Sir Jeff The Purse could take this no more. He stops Nathan of Chambers.
Sir Jeff The Purse: Um...look you are making absolutely no fucking sense what so ever. Because of that, I have no time to waste on jobbers such as you. Because truly, as much as you try to deny it, as much as you try to fight it, you will never be on my level Nathan of Chambers. Because I am on the level of greatness, of purity, of being a class A bad ass. You on the other hand, you are on the same level as those who wish, and hope, instead of do. Making you a jobber. And that is all you will ever be. WE FIGHT NOW!
Sir Jeff The Purse pulls Spoke out again, but the jobber cowers in the corner like a jobbing jobber. I know that bugs, him, when I call him a jobber. So I am going to do it again....JOBBER! Anyway, Sir Jeff The Purse shakes his head in pity at this scared little jobber, but he knew what had to be done. He took Spoke in both his hands and struck it down upon the sniffiling evil little bitch known as Nathan of Chambers.
Riding away, and claiming the lives of two jobbers, Sir Jeff The Purse knew that he was in store for something big. Something dangerous. It was the worst of the jobbers...the king of the jobbers. King Stuart Jobby. He wasn't a real king, mind you, he was a master of scouting, but now he has conceded to be the King of the Jobbers. A really bad title, nobody wanted it...so it had left King Stuart Jobby an angry bear man. Thats right, the anger had transformed him into a fucking bear man.
Sir Jeff The Purse came upon the bear man under a bridge in the kingdom of the jobber. Sir Jeff The Purse jumped off his horse, spoke ready and willing to end the bear man. The bear man wasted no time, charging Sir Jeff The Purse, with a mighty, mighty roar. Sir Jeff The Purse lunged over the bear man, landing on his feet on the other side of King Stuart Jobby.
King Stuart Jobby: Wow. Dat was good. SHOW ME SHOW ME SHOW ME!
Sir Jeff The Purse: That would defeat the purpose here, King Stuart Jobby. Look, you don't belong here. You are better than this. But if you choose this path of being a jobber, I must strike you down.
King Stuart Jobby: BIG WORDS MAKE ME ANGRY!!!
The shame of losing his status within the scouts had turned his brain to mush. He lunged at Sir Jeff The Purse again, but there is no way he could even touch Sir Jeff The Purse, he was too fast. Sir Jeff The Purse jumped over him again, and landed on the ground behind the man bear. Without missing a beat, he bust out Spoke and defeated the man bear.
Looking upon the dead man bear, Sir Jeff The Purse spoke words of respect, as a chariot came bustling down the road. Looking up, Jeff The Purse saw that it was the drunken kings chariot. Stopping in front of Sir Jeff The Purse, he holds out the belt, the Champion of the Land belt.
Drunken King Sethykins: You are the winner. *Hic* MORE HAUNCH!! He rode away chowing down on the large thing of meat. Sir Jeff The Purse held his hands high in the air. The winner. Always the fucking winner. Cause he is a boss.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=Back to real life=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Patrick laid there, sleeping, gurgling, snoring. Jeff smiled and snuck away, closing the door quietly, and went back to join the party sitting in the living room. But before he does he walks into his office and looks at the camera he has set up. His face turns cold.
Jeff Purse: Look, I am not going to play around here. All this stuff with Kari, all this stuff with my soon to be in laws, all this stuff with Patrick and my mom, no matter what, NO MATTER WHAT, there is nothing that is going to distract me from winning back what is deservedly mine. Stuart, I love you, but I am going to destroy you. James the Game, whatever the fuck you want to call yourself, there is no chance you are getting your disgusting, greasy hands on my championship gold. And of course....Nathan Chambers.
Look, I know that you want to be the next big thing in the WCF, and believe me, I know what thats like. But the point being, you will never be better than me. You may try, and you may win, but there is no way you are going to come into this match and beat me. There is no way you are going to win this match. I am the mother fucking real mother fucking deal, do you understand that? I am the fucking test in the WCF. ME! Not you, some fucking new piece of shit looking to get his jollys off by thinking he knows how to win matches because he is 'perfect'. I am going to fucking destroy you. I am going to teach you, Mr. Chambers, Mr. 'Perfect'...there is no way you are doing anything but getting pinned in the very dead fucking center of the ring for the one, two, three. So get that idea out of your head. Because it is NEVER going to happen. And that is a promise. Chambers, you are about to find out why I am the fucking world champion. Period. Nathan...I am The One, The Only, The Future! Jeff Purse. You and me...we aren't in the same league. So don't try to pretend you are something special. Get ready for the fucking ass kicking of a lifetime, you fucking Purse Jobber. And thats, that.
The scene slowly but surely fades to black.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Jeff was sitting in the living room of his house in an armchair, he is dressed differently than usual, usually we see him in his tee shirt, The Future written on the front in jagged letters...but this time he is wearing a white dress shirt with a blue tie, black dress pants, and black dress shoes. Kari was sitting next to him in a very, very trendy turquoise dress with all the fixins on as well. Its harder for me to describe lady accessories because I don't know much about them, but she has got them all on that make someone look fucking amazing. She is holding Patrick Gage Purse, their son, who is dressed in cute baby dress clothes.
Across from them sit three people. One of them we have met before, Jeff Purse's mother, who is also dressed accordingly to the overall dress of the room. I feel like talking about what everyone is wearing may be good story telling, but its boring to write. So just assume everyone is dressed up sitting in this room. Because the next two people are people who have never appeared in a Jeff Purse story before. These people, a man and a woman, just over middle age, sit on the couch next to Jeff's mom.
On the middle cushion sits Kari's mother, Lucy Kendall. She has a similar facial structure to Kari, just a little more worn from age, but really she was a very good looking woman. She had an air to her, however, that gave off that she is the ruler of the house, so to speak. She is an opinionated woman who is not afraid to tell you what her opinion is and she doesn't take any kind of bullshit. To say that she was a bitch is too harsh though, because through and through she was a kind, caring woman.
Kari's father who sat next to her mother was a very different story. He graduated from Harvard Law and started up his own firm, which is a risky move for a new lawyer. He is very well known in his tristate area, however, and has since turned that law firm into an empire. He was a straight shooter who always, ALWAYS had to be correct. However, at home, he is aware that his wife is the one who wields the power, so outside of the home, he likes to throw his weight around so to speak. He was the first to speak when we joined their pow wow.
Clint Kendall: Jeffery, listen, we understand you have a lot going on in your business. But how does it look to our friends when we have to continue telling them, 'no, they have not set a date yet'? It makes us look foolish.
Molly Purse: I don't think that it has to do with his wrestling.
Jeff Purse: Look, I know we have been engaged for a couple years now. I know that-
Kari Kendall: Its not just Jeff's 'business' dad. I am a part of that too.
Clint Kendall: We thought he retired? What happened to that? What happened to the prom-
Kari Kendall: We have already talked about this dad. He is going to wrestle. Ok?
Jeff Purse: Its just-
Molly Purse: Its hard for Jeff. He needs distractions.
Jeff Purse: I don't-
Kari Kendall: Look, this is mine and Jeff's decision. Ok? Its got nothing to do with you guys.
Clint Kendall: Look, I just want to know that my daughter and grandson are going to be properly cared for.
Jeff Purse: Well, I mean-
Molly Purse: What are you implying? That my son isn't a good provider?
Jeff Purse: I mean Kari-
Kari Kendall: I make money. We are fine. A lot of people are just a family and not married now a days.
Clint Kendall: Please. He has cheated on you before Kari. I want to make sure you have something to fall back on.
Jeff Purse: That was-
Molly Purse: They have moved past that, CLINT.
Clint Kendall: Well MOLLY, your son leads an extravagant lifestyle.
The three of them begin fighting. Kari, Molly, and Clint, all shouting about Jeff and his family. Jeff's shoulders slump down a tad and thats when Kari's mom opened her mouth.
Ophelia Kendall: STOP!
The three of them all went silent at once. Ophelia, named after the character in Hamlet, had not spoken very loud. She merely said stop, and the bickering stopped. This woman knew how to command a room. She didn't speak, rather left the room in an uncomfortable silence while she sipped at her water. Licking her lips after her drink she looked directly at Jeff.
Ophelia Kendall: Jeff, listen. We love you. Clint is just being an ass.
Clint Kendall: I am-
Ophelia Kendall: Clint!
He went silent.
Ophelia Kendall: Now, we love you Jeff. We really do. We love the baby, and Molly, we love you. We are all family here, regardless of you two being married or not. And if you want to do your wrestling, by all means Jeffrey, do your wrestling. I enjoy watching it that is for sure. You're fighting tonight, right?
Jeff Purse; Yeah. Im defending the title.
Ophelia Kendall: Tell me, is that Nathan Chambers as cute in real life as he is on tv.
Jeff Purse: He is a jobber.
Ophelia Kendall: Oh yea, of course. But a cute one. Now listen, we love you. We love your craft. We just want to know what the hold up is. We were so excited when Kari told us about the engagement, and then you guys had your little bachelor and bachelorette parties. We just want to know what the issue is?
Jeff Purse: Its...look none of that stuff is getting in the way. I want to get married. Its not me.
Everyone has a look of shock. They all look at Kari who is sitting sheepishly.
Kari Kendall: Its got nothing to do with any of you.
Jeff Purse: Look. Kari doesn't think its the right time with everything going on right now. Is all. And we love each other so....you know...
Ophelia Kendall: Alright. Then. Kari. May I speak to you alone?
Kari Kendall: Sorry, I have to put Patrick down.
Ophelia gives Jeff a look. He turns to Kari.
Jeff Purse: I uh...I can do that.
He scoops up Patrick and walks him down the hall to a room full of baby like decorations. There is a small crib in the middle of the room that Jeff puts Patrick in, then he pulls up the rocking chair that both Kari and Jeff have already spent many nights sleeping in. He leans on the railing of the crib, looking down at his son.
Jeff Purse: Its hard to have a family, Patrick, I will tell you that. Especially when they don't get along at times. But you have a loving family, so don't worry about that, no matter how scary and intimidating they are. But hell, you got me, and I got you Patrick. Lets see, you need a story...what story should I tell you today...hmm. The Ugly Duckling? Nah, we have read that one already. Lets see...The Little Engine that Could...thats a good one but I don't wanna read it. Oh, I know, how about a Jeff Purse original? How about...um...The three Jobbers and the handsome Prince? Yeah, I like that.
=-=-=-=-=-The Three Jobbers and The Handsome Prince. By Jeff Purse-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Once upon a time there was a very Handsome Prince, Sir Jeffery The Purse. He rode through the land on a white steed, gallantly as a prince would do. He was quite the brave prince. Why he once slayed the beast who went around digging up graves, Grave the Digger, whom no other prince could manage to slay. He laid waste to the evil town called "Bravadoville" when he put his mighty sword which he called "Spoke" through the evil queen-witch 'TwiSarahtops' chest. He was the champion of the land, but there were three jobbers who were threatening his reign as Champion of the land. So sir Jeff the Purse rode to the drunken king Sethykins castle.
Drunken King Sethykins: Look *hic* I am only going to tell you this once. The jobbers *hic* they are abundant. And you my sir Purse, eats jobbers for breakfast. So, you are going to have to defeat all the jobbers through out the land *hic*. Lolz k?
Sir Jeff The Purse: Dear King, like, seriously, you need to lay off the hooch so much. Like, this is getting sad.
Drunken King Sethykins: HEY! I don't come to your home and make burgers.
Sir Jeff The Purse: That makes no sense dear king.
Drunken King Sethykins: I know you are but what *hic* am I?
Sir Jeff The Purse: Ok, so, like, where do I have to go to defeat these jobbers?
Drunken King Sethykins: I have to eat.
Sir Jeff The Purse: NO! Pay close attention, dear king. Where do I have to go to beat them?
Drunken King Sethykins: Each of them hold *hic* an emerald to get the great BLAST TREASURE!!! I'll give you directions or my secretary will. I REQUIRE HAUNCH!!
A giant meat stick comes out through a curtain behind it and he begins chowing down. Sir Jeff The Purse couldn't handle that so he went off on his journey to slay the three jobbers. Riding along on his steed he came across the first of the Jobbers. A big shack was where he resided, called "The Gamehouse" He was The Game keeper, and thus he was able to control animals. At least that is what the drunken king said. Sir Jeff The Purse didn't think that could be true. A human with control over an animal? No way.
He walked into the gamehouse, looking for The Game Keeper. The building was very big and open, filled with hay for all the animals to chow down on. There was only one animal in the building, a big ol' fat pig. Sir Jeff looked around and couldn't see anyone anywhere.
Sir Jeff The Purse: Hello?
?: What do you want?
Sir Jeff The Purse: Who goes there?
?: Tis I, James The Game Keeper.
Sir Jeff The Purse: Where are you?
James The Game Keeper: RIGHT HERE!!
Sir Jeff turned and saw the big fat pig.
Sir Jeff The Purse:...You?
The pig's big snout opened, and the pig spoke thusly...
Pig: Oink.
James The Game Keeper: You think I am the pig?
A man walks out from behind a stable. He is a short stout man, looking like he really couldn't do much. He was probably the weakest of the three jobbers, Sir Jeff The Purse thought. He immediately drew Spoke from his sheath.
James The Game Keeper: Whoa there fella. Whats the deal?
Sir Jeff The Purse: I am the noble Sir Jeff The Purse, I am the champion of the land, and I am here to slay your ass.
James The Game Keeper: Oh...um...actually about that...
Sir Jeff The Purse: THE TIME TO TALK IS NIGH!!
He lunges at James The Game Keeper, who gets defeated soundly. That spoke from out of nowhere is harsh, believe me when I say it. I mean it has defeated so many beasts before, and now he had taken perfect care of James The Game Keeper. Before finally fading into non-exsistance, he spoke to Sir Jeff The Purse.
James The Game Keeper: I...never had a chance...to beat you...you mighty and noble Prince. I was going to...give up right away...but you came at me with such a force...there was no way....no way I could ever best you in battle. You are my better...Sir...Jeff...The....Purse...The true Champion of the Land!
He dies. It wasn't very sad because nobody really knew him and nobody really cared about him. Remember, he was the first of three jobbers. So Sir Jeff The Purse rode on to the Perfect house of Perfection, where the rat, the disgusting, gross, icky rat Nathan of Chambers lived. He came from a place called Chambers. Thats what that means. So anyway, Sir Jeff The Purse kicked down the door, and burst into the filthy, disgusting, gross house that was Nathan of Chambers quarters.
The Chamber man stood, long, sleek, a long red robe flailing from his body. He held a glass of wine. He smiled as Sir Jeff The Purse came bursting in. He began his soliloquies because that is the only thing he could ever fucking do.
Nathan of Chambers: So, its Sir Jeff The Purse. I had been waiting for you for so long. To have a chance to prove myself against someone who sits upon the top of the world such as yourself. What do I have to do to match the greatness of Sir Jeff The Purse. For I know that there is no way that I can match up to you, and for that, I have to say sir, that coming to the conclusion that I am perfect and you are not, that I would defeat you soundly. Of course I would like to win. Of course-
Sir Jeff The Purse could take this no more. He stops Nathan of Chambers.
Sir Jeff The Purse: Um...look you are making absolutely no fucking sense what so ever. Because of that, I have no time to waste on jobbers such as you. Because truly, as much as you try to deny it, as much as you try to fight it, you will never be on my level Nathan of Chambers. Because I am on the level of greatness, of purity, of being a class A bad ass. You on the other hand, you are on the same level as those who wish, and hope, instead of do. Making you a jobber. And that is all you will ever be. WE FIGHT NOW!
Sir Jeff The Purse pulls Spoke out again, but the jobber cowers in the corner like a jobbing jobber. I know that bugs, him, when I call him a jobber. So I am going to do it again....JOBBER! Anyway, Sir Jeff The Purse shakes his head in pity at this scared little jobber, but he knew what had to be done. He took Spoke in both his hands and struck it down upon the sniffiling evil little bitch known as Nathan of Chambers.
Riding away, and claiming the lives of two jobbers, Sir Jeff The Purse knew that he was in store for something big. Something dangerous. It was the worst of the jobbers...the king of the jobbers. King Stuart Jobby. He wasn't a real king, mind you, he was a master of scouting, but now he has conceded to be the King of the Jobbers. A really bad title, nobody wanted it...so it had left King Stuart Jobby an angry bear man. Thats right, the anger had transformed him into a fucking bear man.
Sir Jeff The Purse came upon the bear man under a bridge in the kingdom of the jobber. Sir Jeff The Purse jumped off his horse, spoke ready and willing to end the bear man. The bear man wasted no time, charging Sir Jeff The Purse, with a mighty, mighty roar. Sir Jeff The Purse lunged over the bear man, landing on his feet on the other side of King Stuart Jobby.
King Stuart Jobby: Wow. Dat was good. SHOW ME SHOW ME SHOW ME!
Sir Jeff The Purse: That would defeat the purpose here, King Stuart Jobby. Look, you don't belong here. You are better than this. But if you choose this path of being a jobber, I must strike you down.
King Stuart Jobby: BIG WORDS MAKE ME ANGRY!!!
The shame of losing his status within the scouts had turned his brain to mush. He lunged at Sir Jeff The Purse again, but there is no way he could even touch Sir Jeff The Purse, he was too fast. Sir Jeff The Purse jumped over him again, and landed on the ground behind the man bear. Without missing a beat, he bust out Spoke and defeated the man bear.
Looking upon the dead man bear, Sir Jeff The Purse spoke words of respect, as a chariot came bustling down the road. Looking up, Jeff The Purse saw that it was the drunken kings chariot. Stopping in front of Sir Jeff The Purse, he holds out the belt, the Champion of the Land belt.
Drunken King Sethykins: You are the winner. *Hic* MORE HAUNCH!! He rode away chowing down on the large thing of meat. Sir Jeff The Purse held his hands high in the air. The winner. Always the fucking winner. Cause he is a boss.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=Back to real life=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Patrick laid there, sleeping, gurgling, snoring. Jeff smiled and snuck away, closing the door quietly, and went back to join the party sitting in the living room. But before he does he walks into his office and looks at the camera he has set up. His face turns cold.
Jeff Purse: Look, I am not going to play around here. All this stuff with Kari, all this stuff with my soon to be in laws, all this stuff with Patrick and my mom, no matter what, NO MATTER WHAT, there is nothing that is going to distract me from winning back what is deservedly mine. Stuart, I love you, but I am going to destroy you. James the Game, whatever the fuck you want to call yourself, there is no chance you are getting your disgusting, greasy hands on my championship gold. And of course....Nathan Chambers.
Look, I know that you want to be the next big thing in the WCF, and believe me, I know what thats like. But the point being, you will never be better than me. You may try, and you may win, but there is no way you are going to come into this match and beat me. There is no way you are going to win this match. I am the mother fucking real mother fucking deal, do you understand that? I am the fucking test in the WCF. ME! Not you, some fucking new piece of shit looking to get his jollys off by thinking he knows how to win matches because he is 'perfect'. I am going to fucking destroy you. I am going to teach you, Mr. Chambers, Mr. 'Perfect'...there is no way you are doing anything but getting pinned in the very dead fucking center of the ring for the one, two, three. So get that idea out of your head. Because it is NEVER going to happen. And that is a promise. Chambers, you are about to find out why I am the fucking world champion. Period. Nathan...I am The One, The Only, The Future! Jeff Purse. You and me...we aren't in the same league. So don't try to pretend you are something special. Get ready for the fucking ass kicking of a lifetime, you fucking Purse Jobber. And thats, that.
The scene slowly but surely fades to black.
