Post by NoW - Vic Viceroy on Jun 24, 2016 22:08:37 GMT -5
[ We open up to Philadelphia International Airport. We see a young millennial in a #FeeltheBern tee shirt with a sign that says 'Viceroy' on it. Various people get off flight 4534 from St. Louis. We see Vic Viceroy, dressed in jeans, a white tee shirt, and a gray jacket with a red StL logo on it. He has a duffel bag draped over his right shoulder crossing his chest and hanging off his left side. He holds a single finger up towards the driver and walks toward him checking to make sure he's not going to collide with anyone on his path. Before he gets to him a WCF reporter steps between them.]
Reporter: Viceroy? Vic Viceroy?
[ Viceroy purses his lips and nods his head in approval.]
Viceroy: Wow. I am impressed you recognized me. I'll admit I haven't made much of an impression since I got here.
[The reporter avoids eye contact with Viceroy and then finally fesses up.]
Reporter: Yeah.....I didn't really recognize you but I noticed his sign and saw you were on the card so I thought I would come try to salvage some sort of interview out of today...
[ Viceroy puts his tongue in his cheek and grins. He pats the reporter on the back.]
Viceroy: At least you're honest kid I'll give you that. Let me guess, so since my match isn't high profile at all and no one really cares about the participants in it you're probably going to ask me some lame question like. 'What are your thoughts on the battle royal at the Pay Per View this Sunday?' right?
Reporter: Yeah that works.
Viceroy: Great question Roger!
Reporter: My name's not Roger.
Viceroy: Nice try Roge. I'm a slick one tho you can't fool me. Anyways back to *your* question. What are my thoughts on the battle royal this Sunday? Well I have a very intricate strategy you see. I am going to try and throw every competitor out of the ring over the top rope. If someone tries to throw me over the top rope.....I am going to stop that from happening. If I stick to this strategy I am pretty sure I will win it.
Reporter: That seems um...really logical.
Viceroy: I am a logical man Larry.
Reporter: I thought my name was Roger?
Viceroy: Got it Kevin. Anyways, like I was saying. I am a very logical man. If 100% of my comptitors go over the top rope before I do..then there's a 100% chance I will win. It's simple math really. Everything can be broken down to a mathematical equation somehow but that is the best one I could come up with to correctly predict how I will fare in this battle royal. I don't know too much about my competition because to tell you the truth.
[Viceroy leans in like he is whispering into the reporters ear.]
Viceroy: I don't really pay attention. BUT with that being said, I did tangle with Dee Norm. Fast little sucker. He will be hard to catch but I will stick with my strategy and once I catch him.l..I will throw him over the top rope to eliminate him. One guy tho....
[Viceroy tilts his head back and laughs a bit.]
Viceroy: One guy tho I heard was talking about me...what was it.. sucking on my mama's tit? When I called the other competitors in this match tools he took MAJOR offense to it. Like... he got pretty pissed off. But as I like to say...it's better to be pissed off than pissed on. Right Roger??
Reporter: Roger that.
Viceroy: Ha! Roger that! That's clever. I like you. Anyhow....so yeah let's recap a little bit about the last little Vinette I sent into WCF. I was basically introducing myself, talking some shit, drinking some alcohol...and then I didn't really know anyone I was fighting in the battle royal so I called them a bunch of tools. The funny thing it....the one guy who took offense to it...the ONE damn guy.....goes by the name of the Unknown. Let's get this straight Robert.
[Vic puts his hand on the reporter's shoulder.]
Viceroy: I called the group of no names tools.... and the guy who gets his panties in a bunch because I didn't know his name..is a guy called the Unknown!!!!?!?
[Viceroy throws his hands up mockingly discussed.]
Viceroy: I guess he was really offended because I didn't specifically individualize my insults. Which I will give him is fair. In my old age I have become a bit lazy with my trash talking and I thank you Allen Wrench for calling me out on that. Oh yes...Allen Wrench sorry I forgot..that's my new name for the Unknown....you see he's a still a tool....but the Allen Wrench is kind of The Unknown tool if you will. You are looking for something in the tool box and you see an Allen Wrench and you're like...What in this shit is this? I will never have to use something like this.....and you throw it aside. Then that day comes when some stupid thing you need to fix has a friggen hex on it and you're like OOOOOOOOOOHHHH shiiiiiit that's what I need that thing for and you dig through your tool box and you can't find the damn thing and you throw your hands up in the air like 'SON OF A BITCH!' and you kick shit and you have to walk across the street to your old man neighbors house and this old bastard has every tool known to man and he's 95 years old and you're a third his damn age and his lawn looks like it should be on better comes and gardens and your lawn looks like shit. His wife sits on the porch with her freshly squeezed lemonade...her judgey eyes looking at you like...obviously dipshit doesn't know how to run something so he has to come ask us. And you have no damn clue with you're even asking for...I need that tool that looks like a little stick...and the old dick looks at you like you've got two heads and you try to explain the damn thing and the only way you can describe it is that it's that thing you threw out because you never thought you'd need it and now you do and AHHHHH anyway...
[Viceroy takes a deep breath, composes himself and smiles.]
Viceroy: Basically what I am saying is The Unknown is Allen Wrench because he's hardly ever useful. That's what I am trying to say man! Do you get dig?
[The Reporter looks absolutely in shock and the rambling he just heard.]
Viceroy: I'm sorry Do ya dig? Is that what the kids say these days? Do ya dig fam? Is that batter?
[The reporter still looks baffled.]
Viceroy: Damn it I always lose them when I try to use the kids lingo. Anyways that's what I think about it. You probably want some flashy quote too. Well here it is. There's no brotherly love here. Vic Viceroy in this battle is royal like Ben Simmons going to the Philadelphia 76ers. Way too much talent for the guys that are going to be surrounding him! See what I did there Roger...two Philly references in one quote....Nailed it! Now I have to go.
[He starts to walk away and looks at the millennial we opened the shot with. ]
Viceroy: Awwww really.....a Bernie guy? Why do I have to be surrounded by people fighting fights they can't win....well looks like my theme for this weekend.
[Viceroy strolls off with his Uber driver and the reporter stands there shaking his head.]
Reporter: Viceroy? Vic Viceroy?
[ Viceroy purses his lips and nods his head in approval.]
Viceroy: Wow. I am impressed you recognized me. I'll admit I haven't made much of an impression since I got here.
[The reporter avoids eye contact with Viceroy and then finally fesses up.]
Reporter: Yeah.....I didn't really recognize you but I noticed his sign and saw you were on the card so I thought I would come try to salvage some sort of interview out of today...
[ Viceroy puts his tongue in his cheek and grins. He pats the reporter on the back.]
Viceroy: At least you're honest kid I'll give you that. Let me guess, so since my match isn't high profile at all and no one really cares about the participants in it you're probably going to ask me some lame question like. 'What are your thoughts on the battle royal at the Pay Per View this Sunday?' right?
Reporter: Yeah that works.
Viceroy: Great question Roger!
Reporter: My name's not Roger.
Viceroy: Nice try Roge. I'm a slick one tho you can't fool me. Anyways back to *your* question. What are my thoughts on the battle royal this Sunday? Well I have a very intricate strategy you see. I am going to try and throw every competitor out of the ring over the top rope. If someone tries to throw me over the top rope.....I am going to stop that from happening. If I stick to this strategy I am pretty sure I will win it.
Reporter: That seems um...really logical.
Viceroy: I am a logical man Larry.
Reporter: I thought my name was Roger?
Viceroy: Got it Kevin. Anyways, like I was saying. I am a very logical man. If 100% of my comptitors go over the top rope before I do..then there's a 100% chance I will win. It's simple math really. Everything can be broken down to a mathematical equation somehow but that is the best one I could come up with to correctly predict how I will fare in this battle royal. I don't know too much about my competition because to tell you the truth.
[Viceroy leans in like he is whispering into the reporters ear.]
Viceroy: I don't really pay attention. BUT with that being said, I did tangle with Dee Norm. Fast little sucker. He will be hard to catch but I will stick with my strategy and once I catch him.l..I will throw him over the top rope to eliminate him. One guy tho....
[Viceroy tilts his head back and laughs a bit.]
Viceroy: One guy tho I heard was talking about me...what was it.. sucking on my mama's tit? When I called the other competitors in this match tools he took MAJOR offense to it. Like... he got pretty pissed off. But as I like to say...it's better to be pissed off than pissed on. Right Roger??
Reporter: Roger that.
Viceroy: Ha! Roger that! That's clever. I like you. Anyhow....so yeah let's recap a little bit about the last little Vinette I sent into WCF. I was basically introducing myself, talking some shit, drinking some alcohol...and then I didn't really know anyone I was fighting in the battle royal so I called them a bunch of tools. The funny thing it....the one guy who took offense to it...the ONE damn guy.....goes by the name of the Unknown. Let's get this straight Robert.
[Vic puts his hand on the reporter's shoulder.]
Viceroy: I called the group of no names tools.... and the guy who gets his panties in a bunch because I didn't know his name..is a guy called the Unknown!!!!?!?
[Viceroy throws his hands up mockingly discussed.]
Viceroy: I guess he was really offended because I didn't specifically individualize my insults. Which I will give him is fair. In my old age I have become a bit lazy with my trash talking and I thank you Allen Wrench for calling me out on that. Oh yes...Allen Wrench sorry I forgot..that's my new name for the Unknown....you see he's a still a tool....but the Allen Wrench is kind of The Unknown tool if you will. You are looking for something in the tool box and you see an Allen Wrench and you're like...What in this shit is this? I will never have to use something like this.....and you throw it aside. Then that day comes when some stupid thing you need to fix has a friggen hex on it and you're like OOOOOOOOOOHHHH shiiiiiit that's what I need that thing for and you dig through your tool box and you can't find the damn thing and you throw your hands up in the air like 'SON OF A BITCH!' and you kick shit and you have to walk across the street to your old man neighbors house and this old bastard has every tool known to man and he's 95 years old and you're a third his damn age and his lawn looks like it should be on better comes and gardens and your lawn looks like shit. His wife sits on the porch with her freshly squeezed lemonade...her judgey eyes looking at you like...obviously dipshit doesn't know how to run something so he has to come ask us. And you have no damn clue with you're even asking for...I need that tool that looks like a little stick...and the old dick looks at you like you've got two heads and you try to explain the damn thing and the only way you can describe it is that it's that thing you threw out because you never thought you'd need it and now you do and AHHHHH anyway...
[Viceroy takes a deep breath, composes himself and smiles.]
Viceroy: Basically what I am saying is The Unknown is Allen Wrench because he's hardly ever useful. That's what I am trying to say man! Do you get dig?
[The Reporter looks absolutely in shock and the rambling he just heard.]
Viceroy: I'm sorry Do ya dig? Is that what the kids say these days? Do ya dig fam? Is that batter?
[The reporter still looks baffled.]
Viceroy: Damn it I always lose them when I try to use the kids lingo. Anyways that's what I think about it. You probably want some flashy quote too. Well here it is. There's no brotherly love here. Vic Viceroy in this battle is royal like Ben Simmons going to the Philadelphia 76ers. Way too much talent for the guys that are going to be surrounding him! See what I did there Roger...two Philly references in one quote....Nailed it! Now I have to go.
[He starts to walk away and looks at the millennial we opened the shot with. ]
Viceroy: Awwww really.....a Bernie guy? Why do I have to be surrounded by people fighting fights they can't win....well looks like my theme for this weekend.
[Viceroy strolls off with his Uber driver and the reporter stands there shaking his head.]
