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Post by nothenorm on Jun 20, 2016 11:26:09 GMT -5
hey guys, I'm looking for some feedback for my latest rp, any takers?
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jun 20, 2016 12:24:32 GMT -5
hey guys, I'm looking for some feedback for my latest rp, any takers? So I can help you out with this but I want to let you know that the promo, if posted for Slam ( 6/19) is late. - future reference the deadline for slam! and PPV is Sunday night at 6pm Eastern time. The clock at the top of the main forum is running on Eastern time, so you can always use that for reference. - If this RP was meant for the Blast PPV, it is early ( and may be counted ) as the official card will be posted later tonight after Monday Night RAW. In any event I can help you out with some feedback.
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Post by nothenorm on Jun 20, 2016 12:25:37 GMT -5
alright thanks, and yeah I'd still like a review
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Post by Odin Balfore on Jun 20, 2016 13:14:29 GMT -5
__________________________________________
RP: The DEE-Bunker
Handler: DEE Norm
Overview thoughts: A short and sweet short on Dee’s opponents. I was under whelming
RP Breakdown
Scene description: 2
Character Development: 1
Shoot: 2
Flow: 3
Overall Rating: 2 out of 5
Critical Review:
There isn’t much in this piece. I think that you knew were late but posted anyway to keep up momentum. That’s OK, it just won’t count. I know this isn’t a competitive promo but I’ll review it as such.
the scene description is poor, underwhelming and lack luster and gives the reader only a little bit to work with. You really should do more with this because the scene description is often the first thing that the audience reads and that can make or break a promo just within a few words and you don’t want to turn off the audience before you even get to anything.
You have no character development outside of DEE wanting to continue on regardless of his underdog status. That should have been expanded on so that the audience can identify with the character.
The shoot was all smoke and filler with zero substance. DEE kept saying that he’s the best at XYZ but there is no proof or substance. Show it. Give the audience no doubt. The only decent thing about this promo was the flow because it was ok to read without me having to re-read or question anything
Suggestions:
- work on the promo aspect and try and flesh things out. Nothing needs to be world changing but it has to give the reader something to enjoy.
- if you’re working with the underdog gimmick, give the audience a sense of it. IF not, show us that too.
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