First promo for the RP Discussion Board.

[Mike Ragnal]

I put up a promo where Sasha does the talking. I figure it gives her some voice, and maybe a bit of character development.

Thoughts?

[daveyboone]

Well, remember one thing when you ask for opinions that this is CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM and not to be taken personally.
Now to my opinion on your promo,
It was a good trash talking rp, short and to the point. That's your style and that's what you are most comfortable with and have the most fun doing. Which is all gravy and think that's fine. I'm just more on expanding the minds and imaginations of everyone reading my roleplays and prefer to set up situations and place my characters in them. With the exception of my last rp which was more or less a promo/trash talking. But when you read my last rp, I set up the scene and had different characters in there with different situations they had to adapt to and still have plenty of time to creatively envoke my "trash talking" into it. Making it somewhat interesting to read. I feel this is your best chance to get out a "solid" rp and be a "solid" producer on the roster. Don't get me wrong, anybody who does a roleplay gets GREAT praises for me because I love to see everyong put forth effort. But it just seems to lack some luster, ummm..what is the word I'm looking for. I know...missing a "back bone"...what are your characters doing, where are they doing it at, and what makes your characters say what they have to say. Sasha talked on your behalf because you were "preparing for your match", but why is she saying what she says. You gave is where your character was and where she was, but why is she there and not somewhere else? Can someone help me get my point across...
I think the rp is great for your style, but I don't think it could win a title match in the WCF. Keep rping though and don't let my opinions discourage you. Read everyones' rps and try to take a little bit out of all of them and come up with a solid style that works for you. Have fun with it man...good luck!

Shaun

[Corey Black]

Pancakes.

[Seth]

I'm not going to post in this forum TOO much, but I'll say a bit:

You clearly want to improve and you clearly have a pretty good grasp on writing, which are two huge pluses. You mainly need to work on expanding length. Boone is pretty much correct, theres nothing wrong with the "trash talking" style but a little bit more length is necessary. Also, the RP ends with the final thing Sasha says. You should definitely include a closing, even if its as simple as "With that, Sasha smiles at the camera as it fades out." or something like that, but I don't like when RPs end with dialogue, especially when they started out with actions.

[Lawnmower Jones]

What if this happened, Sethy Wethy?

(Lawnmower Jones walks off the scene as it fades to black.)

LJ: (off camera) And that's why they call my dick Thor's hammer.

[chrisavery]

The thing is though from what i have picked up seth doesn't choose winners from too much consistencey. So uhm.. just do what he likes for that certain week and you will win

[Mike Ragnal]

Well, thanks for the responses, guys.

I'm not trying to put the blame elsewhere, but I think most of it chalks up to that I'm still looking to establish a character. Also, with a guy that's just as equally new as my opponent, it seems a bit hard to say much about him, save for the Pie F***er baloney. :/

So I'll work on it, and I'll get something up again by the end of the week.

[Deleted]

You know, it might be an idea to break out of the standard "trash talk" promo and try a different setting. For example, you could be at a bar shooting pool and "something happens". Or you could be sitting front row at a Lakers game and "something happens". Stuff like that is a good way to develop more of a distinct personality and background for your character.

[Deleted]

I would also like to say how refreshing it is to see a young man who encourages constructive feedback instead of just whining and complaining about how he can't be bothered to roleplay because he doesn't get the matches that he wants.

[Lawnmower Jones]

I agree with Cairo, on both.

If I were you, I'd really try different settings. It'll help develop the character.

Also, bringing in a friend or neighbor or something for RP purposes only helps and changes it up from Hank Brown. For example, you could have a nerdy neighbor and a RP where you two are talking about the match while meeting at the mailbox.

But keep up the good work, man.

[Jack of Blades]

Two words: Hyper-reality. (Well, one with the hyphon.)

[Deleted]

jack said:

Two words: Hyper-reality. (Well, one with the hyphon.)

I've been thinking about experimenting with something along those lines but I don't want to get hurt.

[Jack of Blades]

Good. Look what reality did to the Miz.