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Post by dropkickgregory on Jun 1, 2016 17:05:13 GMT -5
I need feed back on my second RP
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Post by Henry Spearman on Jun 1, 2016 17:54:28 GMT -5
Theres not really much to give feedback on honestly.
Set the stage, where is your character? What does he look like? What is he doing?
Tell a story, introduce him but do so by telling a story, make him human.
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Post by dropkickgregory on Jun 1, 2016 18:34:44 GMT -5
will someone jump to my second rp and see If it will let you read it I edited it and now I can't see it
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Post by Severan King on Jun 1, 2016 19:58:44 GMT -5
Think of an RP like a mini story. What's going on around your character? Why is he directing his anger towards whomever? Is he interacting with anyone else or just standing there?
Not trying to be critical mind you. Just some tips that people gave me when I asked for feedback on my first one. It'll come to you much easier each time you do an RP. Once you have a match set up it makes things much easier as you aren't just rolling with something generic.
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Post by dropkickgregory on Jun 1, 2016 20:14:46 GMT -5
Yeah that's a lot of the problem I'm having i don't have a jump off point it'll get easier when I do
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Post by Severan King on Jun 1, 2016 20:22:22 GMT -5
Once you make an appearance and get the ball rolling things will be better for you. Do not fret my friend.
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Post by dropkickgregory on Jun 1, 2016 20:46:14 GMT -5
Appreciate it man
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Post by dropkickgregory on Jun 1, 2016 21:00:28 GMT -5
I rewrote my rp I think it suffices a bit better than the original
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Post by Severan King on Jun 1, 2016 21:04:29 GMT -5
Much better. You're getting there.
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Post by dropkickgregory on Jun 1, 2016 21:22:04 GMT -5
Thanks anything I could've done different to enhance it this time?
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Post by 'The Shine' Brent Alpine on Jun 2, 2016 10:28:22 GMT -5
Hi and welcome.
The dialogue was fairly intriguing and you conveyed an anti-hero type character. The roleplay in general was quite short and I'd have liked to have read more. I personally like RPs that tell some form of story rather than be just a wrestling promo.
Another point would be to break the piece down into more distinct paragraphs as the description and dialogue felt too close together.
Have a great stay here. I'm sure you'll keep improving and will really enjoy developing your character.
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Post by dropkickgregory on Jun 2, 2016 12:07:16 GMT -5
thanks man I appreciate the feedback
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