Post by The Polar Phantasm on May 14, 2016 11:29:26 GMT -5
I was going to post this on the RP board, but I can't find it so fuck it.
Omega, Bonnie Blue and I are working together now, and we felt like our first story together needed a goodbye to the Wrestling Championship Federation. So here it is- much love, y'all.
In whatever reality I may roam, I owe this place a debt of gratitude. I just go where the story takes me.
-B.
------------------------------------
“All through my life I've had this strange unaccountable feeling that something was going on in the world, something big, even sinister, and no one would tell me what it was."
"No," said the old man, "that's just perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the Universe has that.” - Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
-------------------------------------------------
POLAR PHANTASM #2: So Long, And Thanks For All the Dick Pics
--------------------------------------------------
[Scene: WCF Offices; Oley, PA. It is a quiet night in the city of Oley; the breeze catches the branches of the trees, causing the leaves to sway in the wind. In the distance, a police siren can be heard; it reverberates off of the houses and trees, echoing up the streets as if filling a vacuum. A strange noise picks up in the parking lot; suddenly, a bright flash of light accompanies the appearance of an emerald green Ford Ranchero. The doors open; out of the vehicle step a white-haired man in a white and blue wrestling singlet and pants and a man wearing a green plaid vest.]
Jay Omega: DId we make it? We made it! We did it, guys!
Polar Phantasm: We're back! Good old WCF.
[The driver's door opens; a young blonde woman exits the vehicle and looks about inquisitively.]
Bonnie Blue: Everything seems familiar, but- ugh, stars and garters- what is that?!
[Bonnie hides her eyes from the sight above them; Jay and Polar look, Jay quickly hiding his eyes. Polar thinks for a second, then remembers something.]
Phantasm: That's... yeah.
Omega: Oh god, it has a neck-
Phantasm: Yeah, that's Logan's penis.
[Sure enough, on a billboard towering over the WCF offices there is a tremendous picture of... well, an exterior view of the male reproductive system.]
Bonnie: I need ta sterilize my eyes, after that...
Omega: Polar, how are you not grossed out right now?
Phantasm: I built a robot duplicate of him once. I had to get the measurements right.
Bonnie: That's... pretty creepy, Cam.
Omega: ...can't argue with that.
[The Phantasm laughs, shaking his head.]
Phantasm: I guess I am a pretty creepy guy, all things considered. The robot was fun at parties, though.
[He waits a second, then addresses the concern on all of their minds.]
Phantasm: Does anybody else feel like getting the hell out of here?
Bonnie: Absolutely.
Omega: Eh, I could leave.
[Bonnie and Jay both look out to the horizon, watching as the moon rises over Pennyslvania.]
Phantasm: We should leave a note or something.
[Polar digs into the Ranchero, looking for tools; he finds a blue ink pen on the floorboard. He tears a flyer off of a lightpost in the parking lot.]
Omega: Whatever you're doing, make it quick- my skin's starting to crawl, and I think I can taste vomit.
Bonnie: Jay, don't you dare throw up in my Ranchero!
[Polar strolls toward the front door of the WCF offices, yellow page and blue pen in hand. Resting the page against the glass door of the building, the Phantasm begins writing... after a few moments, we see him stuck on the word "Sincerely". He looks over at his new companions and smiles, jotting down the last of his note.]
Phantasm: Alright, mission accomplished...
[He crams the note between the door and its frame, leaving the letter hanging out rather obviously. He then proposes a return to the mirror universe, in as conversational a tone as possible.]
Phantasm: ...brave new world? Brave new world, guys?
Bonnie: Still not a guy. But I'm with ya; this party turned 'to a sausage fest.
[Bonnie smiles at her turn of phrase; Polar can't help but giggle.]
Phantasm: Nice. Jay? Brave new world?
Omega: Eh, sure. We've already jumped realities once today; might as well go for 2.
[Polar opens the Ranchero's rear door, partially climbing inside.]
Phantasm: Take one last look, guys; we may not be seeing this place again for quite a while.
[Re-entering the driver's side door, Bonnie Blue sighs.]
Bonnie: I think I've seen plenty, for the time being.
Omega: Yeah, I think this reality can stand to lose us for a while...
[They close the doors, metallic slamming noise partially concealing the sound of the Ranchero's engine starting up... as the vehicle slams through the walls of this reality, we begin to focus on the note left on the office door by the Polar Phantasm.]
------------------------------------------------
Dear Seth;
It's been a great couple years working for WCF; we've had a great time, and we've had a lot of great matches. But things just aren't the same here, and it'd be foolish of us to think that they'd go back to the way they were. Time doesn't work like that; trust us, we know. We're an aside, now... we're an interesting sideline to business, sure, but never really a part of it. We're the sideshow freaks here. It's not what we started out as, but we sure ended up in that position... and it's not exactly a position you can climb out of by your own merits.
We've found another reality, a parallel one to this one; I don't suppose you'd understand, but that's ok. I only partially understand myself. But this universe seems to have infinite possibilities open to us... and we just can't resist finding out what's out there.
I guess what we're trying to say is... so long, and thanks for all the dick pics.
Sincerely,
the Weird Kids.
-------------------------------------------------------
THE GUARDIANS' GUIDE TO THE GALAXY
Book Four: So Long, And Thanks For All The Dick Pics
Series conceived by Jay Omega, Bonnie Blue and the Polar Phantasm
Episode written by the Polar Phantasm
[Goodbye, WCF. Be seeing you...]
[(c) United Championship Infinite 2016. All rights reserved.]
Omega, Bonnie Blue and I are working together now, and we felt like our first story together needed a goodbye to the Wrestling Championship Federation. So here it is- much love, y'all.
In whatever reality I may roam, I owe this place a debt of gratitude. I just go where the story takes me.
-B.
------------------------------------
“All through my life I've had this strange unaccountable feeling that something was going on in the world, something big, even sinister, and no one would tell me what it was."
"No," said the old man, "that's just perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the Universe has that.” - Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
-------------------------------------------------
POLAR PHANTASM #2: So Long, And Thanks For All the Dick Pics
--------------------------------------------------
[Scene: WCF Offices; Oley, PA. It is a quiet night in the city of Oley; the breeze catches the branches of the trees, causing the leaves to sway in the wind. In the distance, a police siren can be heard; it reverberates off of the houses and trees, echoing up the streets as if filling a vacuum. A strange noise picks up in the parking lot; suddenly, a bright flash of light accompanies the appearance of an emerald green Ford Ranchero. The doors open; out of the vehicle step a white-haired man in a white and blue wrestling singlet and pants and a man wearing a green plaid vest.]
Jay Omega: DId we make it? We made it! We did it, guys!
Polar Phantasm: We're back! Good old WCF.
[The driver's door opens; a young blonde woman exits the vehicle and looks about inquisitively.]
Bonnie Blue: Everything seems familiar, but- ugh, stars and garters- what is that?!
[Bonnie hides her eyes from the sight above them; Jay and Polar look, Jay quickly hiding his eyes. Polar thinks for a second, then remembers something.]
Phantasm: That's... yeah.
Omega: Oh god, it has a neck-
Phantasm: Yeah, that's Logan's penis.
[Sure enough, on a billboard towering over the WCF offices there is a tremendous picture of... well, an exterior view of the male reproductive system.]
Bonnie: I need ta sterilize my eyes, after that...
Omega: Polar, how are you not grossed out right now?
Phantasm: I built a robot duplicate of him once. I had to get the measurements right.
Bonnie: That's... pretty creepy, Cam.
Omega: ...can't argue with that.
[The Phantasm laughs, shaking his head.]
Phantasm: I guess I am a pretty creepy guy, all things considered. The robot was fun at parties, though.
[He waits a second, then addresses the concern on all of their minds.]
Phantasm: Does anybody else feel like getting the hell out of here?
Bonnie: Absolutely.
Omega: Eh, I could leave.
[Bonnie and Jay both look out to the horizon, watching as the moon rises over Pennyslvania.]
Phantasm: We should leave a note or something.
[Polar digs into the Ranchero, looking for tools; he finds a blue ink pen on the floorboard. He tears a flyer off of a lightpost in the parking lot.]
Omega: Whatever you're doing, make it quick- my skin's starting to crawl, and I think I can taste vomit.
Bonnie: Jay, don't you dare throw up in my Ranchero!
[Polar strolls toward the front door of the WCF offices, yellow page and blue pen in hand. Resting the page against the glass door of the building, the Phantasm begins writing... after a few moments, we see him stuck on the word "Sincerely". He looks over at his new companions and smiles, jotting down the last of his note.]
Phantasm: Alright, mission accomplished...
[He crams the note between the door and its frame, leaving the letter hanging out rather obviously. He then proposes a return to the mirror universe, in as conversational a tone as possible.]
Phantasm: ...brave new world? Brave new world, guys?
Bonnie: Still not a guy. But I'm with ya; this party turned 'to a sausage fest.
[Bonnie smiles at her turn of phrase; Polar can't help but giggle.]
Phantasm: Nice. Jay? Brave new world?
Omega: Eh, sure. We've already jumped realities once today; might as well go for 2.
[Polar opens the Ranchero's rear door, partially climbing inside.]
Phantasm: Take one last look, guys; we may not be seeing this place again for quite a while.
[Re-entering the driver's side door, Bonnie Blue sighs.]
Bonnie: I think I've seen plenty, for the time being.
Omega: Yeah, I think this reality can stand to lose us for a while...
[They close the doors, metallic slamming noise partially concealing the sound of the Ranchero's engine starting up... as the vehicle slams through the walls of this reality, we begin to focus on the note left on the office door by the Polar Phantasm.]
------------------------------------------------
Dear Seth;
It's been a great couple years working for WCF; we've had a great time, and we've had a lot of great matches. But things just aren't the same here, and it'd be foolish of us to think that they'd go back to the way they were. Time doesn't work like that; trust us, we know. We're an aside, now... we're an interesting sideline to business, sure, but never really a part of it. We're the sideshow freaks here. It's not what we started out as, but we sure ended up in that position... and it's not exactly a position you can climb out of by your own merits.
We've found another reality, a parallel one to this one; I don't suppose you'd understand, but that's ok. I only partially understand myself. But this universe seems to have infinite possibilities open to us... and we just can't resist finding out what's out there.
I guess what we're trying to say is... so long, and thanks for all the dick pics.
Sincerely,
the Weird Kids.
-------------------------------------------------------
THE GUARDIANS' GUIDE TO THE GALAXY
Book Four: So Long, And Thanks For All The Dick Pics
Series conceived by Jay Omega, Bonnie Blue and the Polar Phantasm
Episode written by the Polar Phantasm
[Goodbye, WCF. Be seeing you...]
[(c) United Championship Infinite 2016. All rights reserved.]
