Post by Kyle Kemp on May 1, 2016 15:03:29 GMT -5
Being Part of the Team
It’s been a few days since Aftermath went of the air and my bid to win the Trilogy Cup tournament fell short. Initially I was disappointed and wanted nothing to do with the Trios Tournament but I forgot that I had told Gable that I would be his partner a while ago. What I did not expect was having Greybeard thrown in as our other partner but I guess we do need a third to participate. I still can’t believe I fell short at Aftermath though. I thought I had Jared but in the end he edged me out. I can handle losing to him though….at least it wasn’t someone like Bonnie Blue. These are the thoughts running through my head as Gable and I drive through the barren parts of Texas as we head towards Mexico for this week’s Slam.
However there is one more stop along the way. Gable wants to stop at a hippie commune as part of the mission to “dankify” the world. I’d rather get to Mexico City and start drinking and partying but I have to humor him with this stop. I can tell it’s important to him.
The car swings onto a dirt road as we approach the hippie commune and Gable slides the car over to the side of the road. We get out and begin to approach the commune and my nose turns up at the smell. I look around at the group of tents ahead of us and can see the hippies running around. Some are half naked while others look like they haven’t showered in weeks. I look over at Gable who is smiling and I shake my head. “Can you remind me why we are here again? How are hippies going to help us Dankify the world again?”
Gable turns to me with a wild smile and he sniffs the air. “Can you smell that? Disgusting isn't it? A bunch of dirty hippies! But its disgusting smell is particularly delightful for the very reason it is disgusting. When I sniff it in, I smell simple minded people who believe in simple minded things. I smell a consistency in the distrust of the modern world and the future world it is moving into. I smell the ideas that will get us into their hearts. You see, Kyle! The thing is, when working on the Dank-movement, the #Beachkrew movement, you have to be precise where you plant the seeds. You have to know beforehand how you want it to grow outwards and consume further land. I have already struck some of the youth and that was a good start. But, now what I want is the general alternative communities! The ones that oppose the kind of entities that oppose us! Hippies beget counter-culture, which leads us to many other sub-cultures and these sub-cultures grow larger and if we can capture multiple of them, that is exponential growth! Not only the hippies, but also anarchists which bleeds into punks which splits into so many music subcultures that I can't even count. But also there is the all-naturalists who bleed into the Anti-GMO-freaks, the Woo-people, you know the ones. Yoga-Antivaxxer-auracolor-astrology idiots who are just as easy to fool…”
I just stare blankly at Gable as this looks like only the beginning of an epic Gable rant when he looks over my shoulder. I turn and look with him at Greybeard who is sprinting towards us, waving frantically. Gable looks at me with surprise and disgust. “You told Greybeard?!”
I look at him confused and with a smile, “You didn’t say not to! Besides, he seems eager to help us!”
Greybeard gets to us, slightly out of breath. “Why hello my #BeachBrethren! I have arrived to help “Dankify” the world as you so put it! Is this our first enemy! Let us battle!”
Gable looks at the two of us with confusion. “Nonono! We are here to convince the Hippies to join us! As much as it would be fun to bash their faces in, we must refrain as best as we cannot to attack them!”
I wrinkle my brow and give Gable a skeptical glare. I don’t understand why getting the hippies to join us is a good idea. “You have yet to explain how exactly we are supposed to get them to join us…”
“Very simple! Hippies are paranoid and scared! Why else would they force themselves to live in such terrible conditions around other unbearable people who believe in such idiotic things? They fear the future, technology, government, regulation, etcetera! You strike on those fears! If you have to, bring up our opponents and how they are the exact thing that those damn, stinking hippies fear! They are chic, clean, and I am pretty sure one of them is an alien...probably DeMarcus! But fear is the strongest motivator! Sure through in some of that worldly love crap but mostly stick to what scares them! Here…” Gable hands the two of us pills and that makes me smirk. At least this will make this stop worth it. “These stupid filth people also love drugs and if they are higher than shit, their minds will be easier to manipulate, so as you go along your way, hand these out to whoever is listening! Got it?...Now let's Dankify this shit show!” Gable walks away and I look over at Greybeard who is smiling at me. I roll my eyes and walk in the other direction.
Hippie Rebellion
It’s been about fifteen minutes since I walked away from Greybeard and Gable and as I walk through all of the hippies I can’t help but get more and more angry. These people are the reason why I hate little settlements like this. I can’t help but hate them all. If they put as much effort into being a hippie and working in this terrible little shithole than they wouldn’t need to be in this situation. I roll my eyes at a group of them huddled together, listening to one of them tell a story to the others. If I’m gonna get a bunch of them to follow me like Gable wants then I need to just do this now.
I walk up to the guy talking to the group and shove him over. He falls to the ground and I stand over him, motioning to him to stay down. I turn to the others and stare at them. They all look at me with confused looks. I begin to address them, “Listen to me you bunch of idiots! Do you all really feel like this place is the best place for you? That living this way makes you a better person or gives you a better life? Look at all of you! You’re dirty, disgusting and all are fucking idiots. You don’t need to listen to a guy like this! You need to listen to me!”
I pause and can see that they are taking in what I’m saying and a sly smile crosses my face. “I’m Kyle Kemp and I’m here to tell you that the only way to live your life is as if you are better than everyone else. You shouldn’t have to sit here and listen to this man. You should be the one talking. You should be the one out there doing anything else! You should be trying to make money, not peace and love or whatever it is that you all want. Follow my lead! It’s the only way to go. Why? Because I’m Kyle Kemp and I’m better than you!”
I extend my hands out as the hippies stand and cheer. I hope Gable and Greybeard did their part since I obviously did. Suddenly the hippies start fighting each other. I can hear some of them screaming at others that they are better than the others and all of the deep seeded hatred that some of them had for each other are being unleashed. Blood begins to fly as punches are being thrown and people are being knocked out. The leader finally gets up and take a swing at me. I dodge the weak punch and pull him in to a knee to the stomach. It drops him and I back up for a second before charging forward and punting him in the face. The hippies continue to fight as I walk away. I guess I didn’t do as good of a job as I thought.
None of you are Relevant
When the Trios Tournament brackets were announced earlier this week I was surprised. I really had to look a couple of times to see the people that I had been matched up with. It was a no brainer that Gable and I would be teammates but to have Greybeard thrown in with us was a little bit of a surprise. Not because I don’t think he can cut it….he can’t…..but because he has all of this wizardry crap around him. I don’t get it nor I do want to. Magic and all of this other bullshit obviously hasn’t translated to wins. Fear not though Greybeard….you just got the gift of a lifetime.
I bet you didn’t think you would get so lucky when you threw your name in the Trios hat Greybeard but now you are here. I won’t go as far as even to say you are an honorary member of #BeachKrew but you’re here. You’re fighting with us on Sunday and luckily for you….we’re facing three people who are on your level. Three people that I know you can help us beat. Those three people are Jay Omega, Bonnie Blue and Demarcus Jordan.
When I first saw these guys as our opponents I had to ask if it was for real. We’re taking on a quitter, a loser and a guy that has shown not even a glimpse of talent. Hell just look at the last pay per view. Two of these guys weren’t even there and Bonnie Blue didn’t win. It’s pathetic and a slap in the face that the WCF offices thought this would be a worthy first round matchup or us. Then again it’s really not a surprise.
Why isn’t it a surprise? Because Bonnie Blue is getting another shot at making a name for herself. She’s getting another chance to prove that she belongs in the ring and not just doing backstage interviews. Well guess what WCF….she’s going to fail one more time. I have to ask Bonnie, do you even realize that you are the charity case of the WCF? You’re our little Title IX example of us giving women the proper opportunity. We give you title shots, you lose and we get to say we are equal with all genders. It’s a win for everyone. This way you don’t have to suck dick in the back so you can use certain people as “unnamed sources.” We don’t need sources this week Bonnie. The answers are quite simple. You’re going to get your ass kicked one more time. I’m going to go over on you once again and there is nothing you can do about it. You’re just naturally below me.
That brings me to Demarcus Jordan. That’s all I need to say. Demarcus Jordan. I know most of you are scratching your head at home because the name escapes you. It’s ok. It escaped me too. I only remembered who he was after I google searched him and flipped to the 10th search page. There you will find a small page that has his record and match history. I didn’t bother reading it. The fact I had to scroll through 10 pages of arrest reports, obituaries and wikipedia pages says enough. He’s a loser.
Good thing for Demarcus Jordan is that the biggest loser that has ever graced this company is the last member of the team. Jay Omega. Now some would state that Omega is a former World Champion and that I need to give him more credit. However I’m not gonna do that. Omega doesn’t deserve that. He’s a coward and a loser. I remember when #BeachKrew was right on Omega’s heels after his title win and even then I knew he was a loser. He wanted nothing to do with us. He thought he could dodge us and we would disappear. To bad we didn’t. To bad he decided to fail as a champion and run away. Now he thinks he’s going to make a triumphant return.
Surprise Jay….your return is against members of the group you hate the most. #BeachKrew. Now I know exactly what will happen next. You’re not gonna show on Sunday. You’re gonna give some bullshit excuse like you lost your passport and couldn’t cross the border. You’re gonna say that it’s not fair and you were supposed to be here to help your friends. To bad you won’t. To bad you’re a coward.
This whole team is full of loser. None of them are relevant. They’re all beneath us and once again this Sunday I will taste victory. Why? Because I’m Kyle Kemp and I’m better than you!
King of the Hippies
After watching all of the hippies fight I walk back towards the car. I've had enough of this. As I round the corner and get closer to the car I can see I'm not the only one. Gable is standing by the car, hunched over with his hands on his knees. He stands up straight as he sees me and I can see that his shirt is torn up and is almost ready to fall off. I roll my eyes at him as he points to me and asks, "What the hell happened to you?"
"I could ask the same thing." I point towards the tears in his shirt and he sighs.
"Getting the hippies to follow us seemed like such an easy task. I don't see where it went so wrong!"
I roll my eyes at him and then take a look around us. I realize that Greybeard is nowhere to be found. Gable notices what I am doing and begins to look around as well. He sighs as he looks at me, "Poor bastard....do you see what you did by inviting him? Who knows what they have done with him!"
Suddenly we hear cheering and the roar of the cheering gets louder and louder. I turn and look on as the hippies come out of the commune with Greybeard on their shoulders. They are carrying him towards us and Gable and I look at each other with surprise. Greybeard puts his hands up and the hippies quiet down. "Hello friends! Look at what I have done! They have appointed me as their king. Where do we go next!" Gable and I laugh as they put Greybeard down and he walks up to us with the hippies waiting for orders.
