Post by DeMarcus Jordan on May 1, 2016 14:06:01 GMT -5
DeMarcus Jordan: But its not actual ham.
Jay Omega: But this is the most delicious thing! And how is it not?
DeMarcus Jordan: Its made of beef.
Bonnie Blue: But...I mean...it is called a 'Ham'burger.
DeMarcus Jordan: I don't fucking know why, but its beef.
Jay Omega: If this was beef, wouldn't they call it a 'beef'burger?
DeMarcus Jordan: Here, try some of this.
DeMarcus and his team mates, Jay and Bonnie, were in the middle of a lunch capade in Canada. Why? Honestly, I forgot. Its 12 on Sunday and I have a hangover from partying last night after the show I am directing. I mean, come on, you can't expect me to remember every single detail of what I have decided to write, do you? Anyway, where was I....oh yes, they were at a diner in Canada. Jay, who comes to us through mysterious ways you will have to read his RP to find out how, has never had ham. That blew DeMarcus's mind. He loved ham. So Jay ordered a hamburger, DeMarcus ordered a pulled pork poutine with a side of ham, so that Jay could try actual ham. What is pulled pork poutine you ask? Why, its poutine, which is this crazy Canadian dish where you take french fries and pour gravy and cheese curds on top. You can get other stuff in it as well, and DeMarcus decided on pulled pork. Anyway, back the scene, Jay took a bite of the ham that DeMarcus offered him.
Jay Omega: Eh...its ok. But not as good as this shit!
He continues to tear into his hamburger. Bonnie was also eating a hamburger, but hers just seemed...different.
DeMarcus Jordan: How is that veggie burger, Baby Blue?
Oh shit, thats why it looked different. It was a veggie burger. I honestly don't know if Bonnie would eat a veggie burger or not, but like I said, hungover.
Bonnie Blue: Its ok.
DeMarcus Jordan: Its terrible. You can say it.
Jay Omega: You haven't even touched your poutine yet.
DeMarcus Jordan: ITS WEIRD!
Which, I don't know if a lot of you know this or not, but the REAL Jay Omega lives about 3 hours from where I live. The REAL Alex Richards lives like...45 minutes from where I live. They are both Canadian. So one day, I went on a trip and picked up the real Alex Richards and we drove to where the real Jay Omega lives. We hung out for a few hours, in which we went to a diner, and I had regular poutine for the first time, and I am pretty sure my expression to it was "ITS WEIRD!" So, you know, using real life to imitate art, bitches. Take some god damn notes or something.
Anyway, DeMarcus picked up a fry. It had a lot of gravy, on cheese curd, and a couple shreds of pulled pork.
DeMarcus Jordan: Well...ok here it goes I guess.
He puts the fry in his mouth and begins chewing. The changes in his face that he makes is pretty funny at this point. He goes from curious, to gross, to curious, to confused, to enjoying, to hating, to enjoying. Finally, he swallows. THATS WHAT SHE SAID!
DeMarcus Jordan: Eh, its not bad. Its wierd.
Jay Omega: BLORF MOUR SOURF
Bonnie Blue: Uh, Jay, its...uh...poor manners to talk with your mouth full.
DeMarcus Jordan: And fucking disgusting man.
Jay Omega: Sorry. So, what is the game plan for Trios?
DeMarcus Jordan: We are gonna fucking beat em, man.
Jay Omega: Thats not a very plausible plan, DJ.
Bonnie Blue: Yeah, I mean, we can't just say we are gunna beat em. How are we gunna?
DeMarcus Jordan: Its also not very plausible that I am teaming with some dudes hot, sexy, female clone, or some inter-dimensional copy of a real dude.
Jay Omega: I am not a copy.
Bonnie Blue: Thank you DeMarcus.
DeMarcus Jordan: I am just saying, we are an over-blahcoughhack
Jay Omega: Whats wrong?
DeMarcus Jordan: That one had too many cheese curds. Blah. I can't get over that its called a cheese 'curd'.
Bonnie Blue: Haha. Yeah, that does make it sound gross.
Jay shakes his head. See, its funny, cause even though this Jay in this scene is from another dimension, the real Jay Omega is Canadian and would be disappointed in people saying this. Thats a fun, none offensive way to break the fourth wall. TOPICAL!!!
DeMarcus Jordan: ANYWAY! Like I was saying, we have to do this like the fucking bosses that we are. Greybead. I mean, what is that thing? Kyle Kemp? What a fucking joke. I could hit a ball further than him. And John Gable? Isn't that bitch a fucking actor? What the fuck is he doing here.
Bonnie Blue: Seriously, though, these are serious competitors. Kyle Kemp wa-
DeMarcus Jordan: Kyle Kemp was and will always be a piece of fucking garbage. Kyle Kemp jumped on the Beach dick faster than Dustin Beaver and has been one giant disappointment since. Kemp, a guy who had a promising career ahead of him, just couldn't keep up with the big boys though. Just couldn't understand what it meant to actually go out there and compete at the top level.
Jay Omega: Wait, Kyle Kemp? Of the Kemptonians?
Bonnie Blue: Ok...I dun even know what he means this time?
Jay Omega: The Kemptonians. A family who continually tries to fuck each other even though incest is a killable offense.
DeMarcus Jordan:..........Anyway. Kyle Kemp is a little bitch. He sees someone who has a little bit of talent in the ring, John Gable, and decides to jump on that high horse. Its fucking ridiculous. He wants a serious shot of winning this tournament but he jumps behind someone like Gable. I mean, come on, doesn't he realise that Gabe is just part of those beack krew punks to fuck with them.
Jay Omega: You know that?
DeMarcus Jordan: No, but why would someone who actually has decent talent in the ring get behind those guys? None of them are worth anything, especially not that Wade Moor or--
Bonnie Blue: Demarcus. We don't have them this time. Save it for later. You will get your revenge I promise.
DeMarcus Jordan: You are right Baby Blue, my bad, my bad. God I am still not sure how this knee is going to hold up in the ring.
Jay Omega: It will be fine.
DeMarcus Jordan: I need something that is more substantial than 'fine'.
Jay Omega: Um...it will work.
DeMarcus Jordan: Fine. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, Kyle Kemp. Kyle Kemp's thing is that he runs around and acts like he is better than everyone, and if he gets beat, then what? He blames everyone else for cheating or some crazy misgivings. But he forgets, he forgets that he is a FAILED ball player. FAILED. That is what Kemps career is based around...failure. He doesn't have a heart for this game. He doesn't have a heart for competing on this level. He has a heart for hitting a damn baseball out of the air, and that mother fucker couldn't even do that. His whole life, he has been failing after failing after failing.
Jay Omega: Good point.
Demarcus Jordan: Damn right thats a good point.
Now, I am not going to lie, I like the Kemp character, but DeMarcus....well he just has no respect for him whatsoever. So...back to the action.
Bonnie Blue: So you seem to like that feller John Gable, eh?
Jay Omega: I feel like I should be the one to say, eh? Eh?
DeMarcus Jordan: Eh? Why are you just the one who should say eh, Eh?
Jay Omega: Canadians say that, right? Is that not a thing here?
Bonnie Blue: Eh.
Jay Omega: Eh.
DeMarcus Jordan: Eh.
They all take a bite of their food.
DeMarcus Jordan: I have respect for John Gable, despite is very poor choice to join Beach Crew. He is the only one of them that actually can hang in the ring with any one of us. Also, he is a decent actor.
Bonnie Blue: Well, I don't know, I wasn't a fan-
DeMarcus Jordan: I said DECENT. I mean, don't get me wrong, he is a better wrestler than actor, I think we all can agree on that. He just doesn't have what it takes to really lay it down on film. But he has what it takes to really lay it down in the ring. That is for sure. We have to watch him, he has surprise strength.
Jay Omega: Surprise?
Demarcus Jordan: Yeah, well if you look at him he doesn't look like he could actually do anything, but then he picks your ass up over his head and its like 'Holy shit how did this scranny bitch do that'. So just beware of that. I think its also important, though, to point out with the amount of time that Gable has been around WCF, this bitch hasn't really done anything. Sure, he won the TV title for a little while, tried to rebrand it as the cinema title, which just...failed so fucking hard. Just like his career so far. He keeps trying to stay relevant, but if you talk to anyone about who the best in WCF are, for some reason, Gable never comes up. Why? Because he is forgetable. He is less recongnizable than Kyle Kemp, and that is a fucking travesty, because Kemp is the fucking worst.
Bonnie Blue: Yeah, we got that.
Again, just want to throw that out there, I, the writer, likes Kyle Kemp. DeMarcus though, he does not.
DeMarcus Jordan: Also, does Gable have leukemia. I never understood that.King Leukemia. But like...is that a thing? Are we fighting a cancer patient?
Bonnie Blue: I don't know.
Jay Omega:...Gable is related to giant crabs?
DeMarcus Jordan: Giant...what?
Jay Omega: Where I come from cancers are giant, man eating crabs. They are a real problem in Maine.
Bonnie Blue: Um...no cancer is-
DeMarcus Jordan: No, wait. Lets make a ground rule right now. Lets just pretend like you, Jay, understand everything we talk about, and we no longer here the words 'where I come from' from you until the tournament is over.
Jay Omega: Thats rude.
DeMarcus Jordan: Yeah. Anyway, Gable is our biggest threat, and the three of us can for sure beat the hell out of John Gable. Kyle Kemp is going to be too focused on the fact that Gable is doing better than him in the ring, so we don't have to worry about him. That leaves.........Graybeard.
Bonnie Blue: Or is it Greybeard?
Jay Omega: Or BeardyMcBeardFace?
DeMarcus Jordan: Yeah...thats it. Thats the winner. BeardyMcBeardFace. New branding for that fucking joke. Thats what he is, right? Like, he isn't a competitor that we are supposed to take seriously? He gets this fat fuck flute boy or alchamist or whatever the fuck, I don't know, I never paid attention.
Um, just so you guys no, no disrespect, I haven't really paid attention to the Graybeard saga, and I don't have internet access right now to be able to look that up and see exactly what that was about, so excuse this part, Graybeard, if we ever have to face each other again, I will do much better research. But I have to write two rp's in 6 hours and while this one I am purposely keeping a little light on word length and content, the second one I have to finish (because I have started) I have to put a little more ump into it because Steve Orbit will bitch slap me if I don't. Also, I just looked at my phone to do a LITTLE reserach since writing the last sentence, its Greybeard. My apologies. Anyway.
DeMarcus Jordan: So, I am not sure though for real if BeardyMcBeardFace is a real threat or not. Can that little leprachaun do magic?
Bonnie Blue: Haha. No. And he isn't a leprachun he is a wizard of sorts.
DeMarcus Jordan: Wizard? So he is like Merlin?
Jay Omega: I know that guy! Where I---I mean in other dimentions he is a real person. Real nice.
DeMarcus Jordan: Oh. Well that doesn't fucking matter. He is a bitch and we are going to treat him like such. We beat him. We beat Gable. We beat that piece of shit Kemp. Everyone in on that?
Jay Omega: YEAH!
Bonnie Blue: YEAH!
They all throw their hands in, but DeMarcus slips and his hand lands directly on Bonnies chest. I don't know if you have ever seen a black man blush, but you would have if you were there with them. And thats not racist, its true, black people, its just harder to see them blush. Especially DeMarcus who has darker skin. Andre Aquarius, well he is lightskinned and you might see him blush, but its something special to see a guy like DeMarcus blush. That is exactly what happened though.
DeMarcus Jordan: Sorry Baby Blue.
Bonnie Blue: Ha, thats ok sweety.
Jay Omega: If I grab your boob will you call me sweety.
Bonnie Blue: I will break your hand, sweety.
Jay Omega: Noted.
The scene fades away with all of them laughing and eating or some shit like that.
Jay Omega: But this is the most delicious thing! And how is it not?
DeMarcus Jordan: Its made of beef.
Bonnie Blue: But...I mean...it is called a 'Ham'burger.
DeMarcus Jordan: I don't fucking know why, but its beef.
Jay Omega: If this was beef, wouldn't they call it a 'beef'burger?
DeMarcus Jordan: Here, try some of this.
DeMarcus and his team mates, Jay and Bonnie, were in the middle of a lunch capade in Canada. Why? Honestly, I forgot. Its 12 on Sunday and I have a hangover from partying last night after the show I am directing. I mean, come on, you can't expect me to remember every single detail of what I have decided to write, do you? Anyway, where was I....oh yes, they were at a diner in Canada. Jay, who comes to us through mysterious ways you will have to read his RP to find out how, has never had ham. That blew DeMarcus's mind. He loved ham. So Jay ordered a hamburger, DeMarcus ordered a pulled pork poutine with a side of ham, so that Jay could try actual ham. What is pulled pork poutine you ask? Why, its poutine, which is this crazy Canadian dish where you take french fries and pour gravy and cheese curds on top. You can get other stuff in it as well, and DeMarcus decided on pulled pork. Anyway, back the scene, Jay took a bite of the ham that DeMarcus offered him.
Jay Omega: Eh...its ok. But not as good as this shit!
He continues to tear into his hamburger. Bonnie was also eating a hamburger, but hers just seemed...different.
DeMarcus Jordan: How is that veggie burger, Baby Blue?
Oh shit, thats why it looked different. It was a veggie burger. I honestly don't know if Bonnie would eat a veggie burger or not, but like I said, hungover.
Bonnie Blue: Its ok.
DeMarcus Jordan: Its terrible. You can say it.
Jay Omega: You haven't even touched your poutine yet.
DeMarcus Jordan: ITS WEIRD!
Which, I don't know if a lot of you know this or not, but the REAL Jay Omega lives about 3 hours from where I live. The REAL Alex Richards lives like...45 minutes from where I live. They are both Canadian. So one day, I went on a trip and picked up the real Alex Richards and we drove to where the real Jay Omega lives. We hung out for a few hours, in which we went to a diner, and I had regular poutine for the first time, and I am pretty sure my expression to it was "ITS WEIRD!" So, you know, using real life to imitate art, bitches. Take some god damn notes or something.
Anyway, DeMarcus picked up a fry. It had a lot of gravy, on cheese curd, and a couple shreds of pulled pork.
DeMarcus Jordan: Well...ok here it goes I guess.
He puts the fry in his mouth and begins chewing. The changes in his face that he makes is pretty funny at this point. He goes from curious, to gross, to curious, to confused, to enjoying, to hating, to enjoying. Finally, he swallows. THATS WHAT SHE SAID!
DeMarcus Jordan: Eh, its not bad. Its wierd.
Jay Omega: BLORF MOUR SOURF
Bonnie Blue: Uh, Jay, its...uh...poor manners to talk with your mouth full.
DeMarcus Jordan: And fucking disgusting man.
Jay Omega: Sorry. So, what is the game plan for Trios?
DeMarcus Jordan: We are gonna fucking beat em, man.
Jay Omega: Thats not a very plausible plan, DJ.
Bonnie Blue: Yeah, I mean, we can't just say we are gunna beat em. How are we gunna?
DeMarcus Jordan: Its also not very plausible that I am teaming with some dudes hot, sexy, female clone, or some inter-dimensional copy of a real dude.
Jay Omega: I am not a copy.
Bonnie Blue: Thank you DeMarcus.
DeMarcus Jordan: I am just saying, we are an over-blahcoughhack
Jay Omega: Whats wrong?
DeMarcus Jordan: That one had too many cheese curds. Blah. I can't get over that its called a cheese 'curd'.
Bonnie Blue: Haha. Yeah, that does make it sound gross.
Jay shakes his head. See, its funny, cause even though this Jay in this scene is from another dimension, the real Jay Omega is Canadian and would be disappointed in people saying this. Thats a fun, none offensive way to break the fourth wall. TOPICAL!!!
DeMarcus Jordan: ANYWAY! Like I was saying, we have to do this like the fucking bosses that we are. Greybead. I mean, what is that thing? Kyle Kemp? What a fucking joke. I could hit a ball further than him. And John Gable? Isn't that bitch a fucking actor? What the fuck is he doing here.
Bonnie Blue: Seriously, though, these are serious competitors. Kyle Kemp wa-
DeMarcus Jordan: Kyle Kemp was and will always be a piece of fucking garbage. Kyle Kemp jumped on the Beach dick faster than Dustin Beaver and has been one giant disappointment since. Kemp, a guy who had a promising career ahead of him, just couldn't keep up with the big boys though. Just couldn't understand what it meant to actually go out there and compete at the top level.
Jay Omega: Wait, Kyle Kemp? Of the Kemptonians?
Bonnie Blue: Ok...I dun even know what he means this time?
Jay Omega: The Kemptonians. A family who continually tries to fuck each other even though incest is a killable offense.
DeMarcus Jordan:..........Anyway. Kyle Kemp is a little bitch. He sees someone who has a little bit of talent in the ring, John Gable, and decides to jump on that high horse. Its fucking ridiculous. He wants a serious shot of winning this tournament but he jumps behind someone like Gable. I mean, come on, doesn't he realise that Gabe is just part of those beack krew punks to fuck with them.
Jay Omega: You know that?
DeMarcus Jordan: No, but why would someone who actually has decent talent in the ring get behind those guys? None of them are worth anything, especially not that Wade Moor or--
Bonnie Blue: Demarcus. We don't have them this time. Save it for later. You will get your revenge I promise.
DeMarcus Jordan: You are right Baby Blue, my bad, my bad. God I am still not sure how this knee is going to hold up in the ring.
Jay Omega: It will be fine.
DeMarcus Jordan: I need something that is more substantial than 'fine'.
Jay Omega: Um...it will work.
DeMarcus Jordan: Fine. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, Kyle Kemp. Kyle Kemp's thing is that he runs around and acts like he is better than everyone, and if he gets beat, then what? He blames everyone else for cheating or some crazy misgivings. But he forgets, he forgets that he is a FAILED ball player. FAILED. That is what Kemps career is based around...failure. He doesn't have a heart for this game. He doesn't have a heart for competing on this level. He has a heart for hitting a damn baseball out of the air, and that mother fucker couldn't even do that. His whole life, he has been failing after failing after failing.
Jay Omega: Good point.
Demarcus Jordan: Damn right thats a good point.
Now, I am not going to lie, I like the Kemp character, but DeMarcus....well he just has no respect for him whatsoever. So...back to the action.
Bonnie Blue: So you seem to like that feller John Gable, eh?
Jay Omega: I feel like I should be the one to say, eh? Eh?
DeMarcus Jordan: Eh? Why are you just the one who should say eh, Eh?
Jay Omega: Canadians say that, right? Is that not a thing here?
Bonnie Blue: Eh.
Jay Omega: Eh.
DeMarcus Jordan: Eh.
They all take a bite of their food.
DeMarcus Jordan: I have respect for John Gable, despite is very poor choice to join Beach Crew. He is the only one of them that actually can hang in the ring with any one of us. Also, he is a decent actor.
Bonnie Blue: Well, I don't know, I wasn't a fan-
DeMarcus Jordan: I said DECENT. I mean, don't get me wrong, he is a better wrestler than actor, I think we all can agree on that. He just doesn't have what it takes to really lay it down on film. But he has what it takes to really lay it down in the ring. That is for sure. We have to watch him, he has surprise strength.
Jay Omega: Surprise?
Demarcus Jordan: Yeah, well if you look at him he doesn't look like he could actually do anything, but then he picks your ass up over his head and its like 'Holy shit how did this scranny bitch do that'. So just beware of that. I think its also important, though, to point out with the amount of time that Gable has been around WCF, this bitch hasn't really done anything. Sure, he won the TV title for a little while, tried to rebrand it as the cinema title, which just...failed so fucking hard. Just like his career so far. He keeps trying to stay relevant, but if you talk to anyone about who the best in WCF are, for some reason, Gable never comes up. Why? Because he is forgetable. He is less recongnizable than Kyle Kemp, and that is a fucking travesty, because Kemp is the fucking worst.
Bonnie Blue: Yeah, we got that.
Again, just want to throw that out there, I, the writer, likes Kyle Kemp. DeMarcus though, he does not.
DeMarcus Jordan: Also, does Gable have leukemia. I never understood that.King Leukemia. But like...is that a thing? Are we fighting a cancer patient?
Bonnie Blue: I don't know.
Jay Omega:...Gable is related to giant crabs?
DeMarcus Jordan: Giant...what?
Jay Omega: Where I come from cancers are giant, man eating crabs. They are a real problem in Maine.
Bonnie Blue: Um...no cancer is-
DeMarcus Jordan: No, wait. Lets make a ground rule right now. Lets just pretend like you, Jay, understand everything we talk about, and we no longer here the words 'where I come from' from you until the tournament is over.
Jay Omega: Thats rude.
DeMarcus Jordan: Yeah. Anyway, Gable is our biggest threat, and the three of us can for sure beat the hell out of John Gable. Kyle Kemp is going to be too focused on the fact that Gable is doing better than him in the ring, so we don't have to worry about him. That leaves.........Graybeard.
Bonnie Blue: Or is it Greybeard?
Jay Omega: Or BeardyMcBeardFace?
DeMarcus Jordan: Yeah...thats it. Thats the winner. BeardyMcBeardFace. New branding for that fucking joke. Thats what he is, right? Like, he isn't a competitor that we are supposed to take seriously? He gets this fat fuck flute boy or alchamist or whatever the fuck, I don't know, I never paid attention.
Um, just so you guys no, no disrespect, I haven't really paid attention to the Graybeard saga, and I don't have internet access right now to be able to look that up and see exactly what that was about, so excuse this part, Graybeard, if we ever have to face each other again, I will do much better research. But I have to write two rp's in 6 hours and while this one I am purposely keeping a little light on word length and content, the second one I have to finish (because I have started) I have to put a little more ump into it because Steve Orbit will bitch slap me if I don't. Also, I just looked at my phone to do a LITTLE reserach since writing the last sentence, its Greybeard. My apologies. Anyway.
DeMarcus Jordan: So, I am not sure though for real if BeardyMcBeardFace is a real threat or not. Can that little leprachaun do magic?
Bonnie Blue: Haha. No. And he isn't a leprachun he is a wizard of sorts.
DeMarcus Jordan: Wizard? So he is like Merlin?
Jay Omega: I know that guy! Where I---I mean in other dimentions he is a real person. Real nice.
DeMarcus Jordan: Oh. Well that doesn't fucking matter. He is a bitch and we are going to treat him like such. We beat him. We beat Gable. We beat that piece of shit Kemp. Everyone in on that?
Jay Omega: YEAH!
Bonnie Blue: YEAH!
They all throw their hands in, but DeMarcus slips and his hand lands directly on Bonnies chest. I don't know if you have ever seen a black man blush, but you would have if you were there with them. And thats not racist, its true, black people, its just harder to see them blush. Especially DeMarcus who has darker skin. Andre Aquarius, well he is lightskinned and you might see him blush, but its something special to see a guy like DeMarcus blush. That is exactly what happened though.
DeMarcus Jordan: Sorry Baby Blue.
Bonnie Blue: Ha, thats ok sweety.
Jay Omega: If I grab your boob will you call me sweety.
Bonnie Blue: I will break your hand, sweety.
Jay Omega: Noted.
The scene fades away with all of them laughing and eating or some shit like that.
