Post by Chief Tom-O-Hawk on Apr 27, 2016 3:03:44 GMT -5
the following is a record of a telephone conversation between 'SNAFU' Ronnie Hammond and 'Freezer Burn' Wayne Hammond. ---
Ronnie: Dad, you pinned the WCF Internet Champion.
Freeze: It happens.
Ronnie: Do you know what this means? It means that you're not just a face in the business of WCF, it means you're a legit competitor.
Freeze: No, all it means is that I can kick a dead man down. FORGET that Zombie got pinned by an old man way past his prime. FORGET that Zombie lost to a man with more pins and rods than any other two WCF stars combined. FORGET that he lost to a cenile imbecile who's lost his mind and is not taking his medications. FORGET that he's the holder of one of WCF's prized title belts.
Ronnie: Three moves pops. You beat him in three moves. You annhilated him. Made him look irrelevant. Like he doesn't even belong in the ring.
Freeze: Crossing the line there son.
Ronnie: I don't get you. Why not gloat a little in your win? Why not at least celebrate?
Freeze: He's still in the Trios cup for one. Granted, he has his hands full this week against one of my students, Tomohawk. But after Tomohawk he eventually will be facing me wih my team at Trios Cup.
Ronnie: IF his team wins over Tomohawk.
Freeze: Yeah .. if.
Ronnie: So still, why not enjoy the victory?
Freeze: Look at my next match. I have Oblivion on my side, big kudos or big boon on me? Because he should be teaming with Andre Holmes and Sarah Twilight. Why? The absolute depth of hatred they all share for one Kat Phoenix, of whom nobody is convinced is actually dead.
My other tag partner is Night Rider. A returning WCF Superstar. On paper it looks great for me, but he needs a match or two to break the ring rust before being ready for the Trios Cup. That's nothing against him or his ability, just experience talkin. Will he be returning at twenty percent or two hundred percent? Has he kept up his physical conditioning? Has he been practicing his skills, moves, counters? Right now, he's like a first time rookie, everything is at an unknown. The upside is relearning is much faster than the first time, but we don't have the luxory of time.
Then we have Crystal Knight on the other side. She's cute, she's capable, she likes pancakes. Inside the ring, she's skilled, athletic, moves like your mother. If I was thirty years younger, I might be interested in getting to know her.
Ronnie: Yeah, I know what that means Pops.
Freeze: No Son, ya don't. Sure, I go around making a general pain out of myself, especially where women are concerned, but I always keep my heart at arms length from them. Ever ask yourself why? Here's a history lesson for ya boy.
I was married. We had a daughter. She wanted a divorce because I spent so much time on the road going from one match to another. She took our daughter with her. Haven't seen either of them in thirty years. Wouldn't recognise my daughter if I saw her. Sucks? Son that sucks so fucking bad there aren't words to describe how bad that sucks.
Then I met your mother. Obviously we got married, we had two sons, twins. Obviously Randy and the clusterfuck of a lesbian afterbirth we call you.
Ronnie: hey! I resemble that remark!
Freeze: And you just proved it, too. I was connected to your mother in ways that can only be expressed through the soul. When she died, my world collapsed. This is when my tenure as a hardcore icon began. It began because I was trying to kill myself, and I wanted it to be as public as possible. Well, I didn't die, but I did become a fucking legend because of it. Obviously I slowly recovered from that mindset, and gravitated toward technical wrestling. My whole career is clusterfucked.
Ronnie: How is it clusterfucked? Your the legend of legends, right?
Freeze: First, I never called myself that. But let's breakdown my career right quick. Still there son? Line is dead..
Ronnie: Still here Pops. Where are you?
Freeze: On my way to my Arizona training camp. Back to what I was saying. Rookie year, I lost thirty matches in a row. I was dubbed the Toughest Jobber in the World. But I persisted. Then I became known for tag matches. I was a powerhouse during an era overpopulated with powerhouses and I just simply vanished in plain sight. After a tour in Japan and Mexico, where I really developed my counters and reversals and was the begining of a few technical skills, but after that is when My first wife left me.
So then I toured Europe. The continent, not the rock band.
Ronnie: Yeah, I remember them.
Freeze: Faced off against some seriously tough bastards there and cemented myself as a hardcore icon. The Russian Invasion was really in full swing in northern Europe at the time, and ost of those guys were failures in the olympic ring. They had mat skills that were unbelievable, and I picked up a few of their tricks.
Ronnie: SPeaking Russian helps, huh?
Freeze: Damn right. My father made sure I learned. And I made sure to pick up on the mat skills.
Ronnie: History bores me. Give me recent events.
Freeze: Try to teach you some.. nevermind. Your just a stupid, arrogant little cunt. Fucking disgrace to the family name is what you are.
Ronnie: So you always remind me.
Freeze: Current events? Oblivion is either a demon, a GOD, or a little of both. If he's got it in his head to fuck the Trios Cup, my chances just ended. HE and I will come to blows, and god or not I will take him down to my level any way possible.
Ronnie: But he's a fucking GOD. What chances do you have against that?
Freeze: What chances did I have against that vampire, Vlad? Became the ingle greatest match of my career, besides the fact that I won.
Ronnie: And the dozen or so times in that match we thought he killed you.
Freeze: But in the end, I scared him. THEN I got the win on him. If I can do that to a vampire, why not a GOD! Why not Oblivion himself. Hell, Greek and Roman mythology, not to mention the old Celtic religions, all tell tales of the men who defied the gods and won. It happened then, why not now?
Ronnie: Hell Pops, you talked about everyone else, why not somethin bout Sarah Twilight and that Andre dude?
Freeze: Son. I'll put it simple. She just may be the most dangerous person in this match. Andre Holmes is decorated with lots of achievements, and rightly so. I can still beat him, given the right timing and the right match. But Sarah .. hell son .. she's the perfect wrestling machine. Don't you forget it. To beat her, one on one, I will have to get more creative and dig deeper into my reserves than at any other time in my life. Love Oblivion's work, but he may just be --
--The line goes to static
Ronnie: Dad, you pinned the WCF Internet Champion.
Freeze: It happens.
Ronnie: Do you know what this means? It means that you're not just a face in the business of WCF, it means you're a legit competitor.
Freeze: No, all it means is that I can kick a dead man down. FORGET that Zombie got pinned by an old man way past his prime. FORGET that Zombie lost to a man with more pins and rods than any other two WCF stars combined. FORGET that he lost to a cenile imbecile who's lost his mind and is not taking his medications. FORGET that he's the holder of one of WCF's prized title belts.
Ronnie: Three moves pops. You beat him in three moves. You annhilated him. Made him look irrelevant. Like he doesn't even belong in the ring.
Freeze: Crossing the line there son.
Ronnie: I don't get you. Why not gloat a little in your win? Why not at least celebrate?
Freeze: He's still in the Trios cup for one. Granted, he has his hands full this week against one of my students, Tomohawk. But after Tomohawk he eventually will be facing me wih my team at Trios Cup.
Ronnie: IF his team wins over Tomohawk.
Freeze: Yeah .. if.
Ronnie: So still, why not enjoy the victory?
Freeze: Look at my next match. I have Oblivion on my side, big kudos or big boon on me? Because he should be teaming with Andre Holmes and Sarah Twilight. Why? The absolute depth of hatred they all share for one Kat Phoenix, of whom nobody is convinced is actually dead.
My other tag partner is Night Rider. A returning WCF Superstar. On paper it looks great for me, but he needs a match or two to break the ring rust before being ready for the Trios Cup. That's nothing against him or his ability, just experience talkin. Will he be returning at twenty percent or two hundred percent? Has he kept up his physical conditioning? Has he been practicing his skills, moves, counters? Right now, he's like a first time rookie, everything is at an unknown. The upside is relearning is much faster than the first time, but we don't have the luxory of time.
Then we have Crystal Knight on the other side. She's cute, she's capable, she likes pancakes. Inside the ring, she's skilled, athletic, moves like your mother. If I was thirty years younger, I might be interested in getting to know her.
Ronnie: Yeah, I know what that means Pops.
Freeze: No Son, ya don't. Sure, I go around making a general pain out of myself, especially where women are concerned, but I always keep my heart at arms length from them. Ever ask yourself why? Here's a history lesson for ya boy.
I was married. We had a daughter. She wanted a divorce because I spent so much time on the road going from one match to another. She took our daughter with her. Haven't seen either of them in thirty years. Wouldn't recognise my daughter if I saw her. Sucks? Son that sucks so fucking bad there aren't words to describe how bad that sucks.
Then I met your mother. Obviously we got married, we had two sons, twins. Obviously Randy and the clusterfuck of a lesbian afterbirth we call you.
Ronnie: hey! I resemble that remark!
Freeze: And you just proved it, too. I was connected to your mother in ways that can only be expressed through the soul. When she died, my world collapsed. This is when my tenure as a hardcore icon began. It began because I was trying to kill myself, and I wanted it to be as public as possible. Well, I didn't die, but I did become a fucking legend because of it. Obviously I slowly recovered from that mindset, and gravitated toward technical wrestling. My whole career is clusterfucked.
Ronnie: How is it clusterfucked? Your the legend of legends, right?
Freeze: First, I never called myself that. But let's breakdown my career right quick. Still there son? Line is dead..
Ronnie: Still here Pops. Where are you?
Freeze: On my way to my Arizona training camp. Back to what I was saying. Rookie year, I lost thirty matches in a row. I was dubbed the Toughest Jobber in the World. But I persisted. Then I became known for tag matches. I was a powerhouse during an era overpopulated with powerhouses and I just simply vanished in plain sight. After a tour in Japan and Mexico, where I really developed my counters and reversals and was the begining of a few technical skills, but after that is when My first wife left me.
So then I toured Europe. The continent, not the rock band.
Ronnie: Yeah, I remember them.
Freeze: Faced off against some seriously tough bastards there and cemented myself as a hardcore icon. The Russian Invasion was really in full swing in northern Europe at the time, and ost of those guys were failures in the olympic ring. They had mat skills that were unbelievable, and I picked up a few of their tricks.
Ronnie: SPeaking Russian helps, huh?
Freeze: Damn right. My father made sure I learned. And I made sure to pick up on the mat skills.
Ronnie: History bores me. Give me recent events.
Freeze: Try to teach you some.. nevermind. Your just a stupid, arrogant little cunt. Fucking disgrace to the family name is what you are.
Ronnie: So you always remind me.
Freeze: Current events? Oblivion is either a demon, a GOD, or a little of both. If he's got it in his head to fuck the Trios Cup, my chances just ended. HE and I will come to blows, and god or not I will take him down to my level any way possible.
Ronnie: But he's a fucking GOD. What chances do you have against that?
Freeze: What chances did I have against that vampire, Vlad? Became the ingle greatest match of my career, besides the fact that I won.
Ronnie: And the dozen or so times in that match we thought he killed you.
Freeze: But in the end, I scared him. THEN I got the win on him. If I can do that to a vampire, why not a GOD! Why not Oblivion himself. Hell, Greek and Roman mythology, not to mention the old Celtic religions, all tell tales of the men who defied the gods and won. It happened then, why not now?
Ronnie: Hell Pops, you talked about everyone else, why not somethin bout Sarah Twilight and that Andre dude?
Freeze: Son. I'll put it simple. She just may be the most dangerous person in this match. Andre Holmes is decorated with lots of achievements, and rightly so. I can still beat him, given the right timing and the right match. But Sarah .. hell son .. she's the perfect wrestling machine. Don't you forget it. To beat her, one on one, I will have to get more creative and dig deeper into my reserves than at any other time in my life. Love Oblivion's work, but he may just be --
--The line goes to static
