Post by Joey Flash on Apr 24, 2016 16:04:57 GMT -5
The Hero's Journey
*ON CAMERA* (I actually did this at the start of my WCF tenure)
Joey: Hi.
*OFF CAMERA*
Joey Flash has a gangbang with five midgets, all of whom nut in his gagging mouth. Flash then teleports to the Mojave Desert and gets a blowie from Dune’s ripped up mouth before splooging a dribbly string of spunk down his throat before then for no reason at all killing Johnny Rabid
~*HOLY SHIT JOEY FLASH JUST SMASHED THROUGH THE FOURTH WALL LIKE THE KOOL-AID MAN ON A BINGE*~
Christopher Morrell: Michael Stelzner is a radged spunk knuckled cunt, but I would fuck him.
(Didn’t happen on camera so not-canon and you can’t shoot on it)
*ON CAMERA*
We open to a crackling fire then slowly pan backward to find Joseph Malignaggi sat in an antique leather chair, attired in tweed jacket and slacks with brown dress shoes topping off the three piece. His hair is clipped back very neatly and his jawline is smooth as shit. We realise that Flash is in the same room as the last time he faced Grayson Pierce, there is something soothing about killing this guy while relaxing with a book by the fire. Surrounding the seated Malignaggi are several book cases housing tomes that look more expensive than a night with Katherine Phoenix, so like, ten cents. Flash reaches backward and picks one of the shitter, beaten up looking books from the shelf directly behind him and finally regards the camera.
Joey: It’s promo trope city all day up in this bitch!!! I’m not here to talk shit today. I’m not here to ‘shoot’ or ‘bury a weak ass mothafucka’. This is going to be a child friendly edition. Well, child friendly but with swearing, homophobic/racist undertones, and graphic sexual references. Hello little boys and girls, are you ready to join Uncle Joseph in ‘Sunday Storytime’? Yeah damn right you are. Today we are going to delve into a story that is near and dear to my heart.
Flash turns the book over and we read the cover where we see a very shoddily drawn imagine of a young handsome looking warrior raising his sword in preparation for an attack while in the background we see a manic king sat on a throne throwing his arms wide in defiance.
Flash slams the book shut and his tone has gone from story teller to stone cold killer. Britain to Brooklyn.
Joey: In every story in every culture in the world, the outcome of the match is simple: Grayson Pierce wins. It’s so poetically poised, the man who has fallen at every moment that when hope seems bleakest but stakes are highest finally finds the power inside of him and completes his hero’s journey by overcoming the problem that has been haunting him since day one and against all odds wins victory. Little Grayson Pierce defeats Joey Flash and finally wins the World Championship. Well I am sorry to reveal to you, professional wrestling is not a story, the winners and losers are not pre-determined, this is not a fairytale Grayson. This is real life.
You’re had dreams and dreams of slaying the dragon and everyone welcome you back to the village as conqueror and hero. The reality of today is that the dragon is going to rip you to pieces and not even think twice of it. This is it for you, this is your big battle, and you’re sending everything you have against me this week and I am going to meet you in the centre of the ring, not as a disdainful rival, not as a man uninterested in you or the challenge you possess but as the WCF World Champion.
Since I defeated Dune the World Title has been an absolute joke. Passed around from weak pretender to weak pretender, it’s a disservice to the dominance Dune and shit, even Beckman had as the World Champion for these people to be treating the belt this way. I didn’t want this title, in fact before I felt the weight of it around my waist I couldn’t give a single fuck about it. You’re right. Do you want to know what changed my mind? The blind faith of one man.
Myself and Lerch have a love/hate relationship: he loves me and I hate him. However, in his hour of need when he saw the calibre of the biggest prize in the entirety of our sport being sucked down the fucking drain it was then Seth subconsciously threw the bat signal into the sky. He knew there is only one man in the whole company who could restore the prestige of this belt…
Joey snaps his fingers.
Joey: …in an instant, and well Grayson, here we are. I have said from the moment I won this title that I was going absolutely nowhere. I am taking on all comers, whenever, whoever, however. The current crop of champions are the weakest I have ever fucking seen, the only two with fighting spirit are ZMAC and Mikey, the rest of you are fucking pathetic. I’m changing this culture from the top down. Weakness is not allowed in my federation; Dag Riddik faggot ass makes an open challenge and then REFUSES to fight the people who accept? What in holy fuck is this shit? Someone so much as mentions my name? I am not doing a Dag Riddik and ignoring that shit; I am fighting and destroying that person the very same week. This is the difference between The World and everyone else. Grayson Pierce did shit the right way. He didn’t trash talk, he didn’t step out of turn, he won the matches he had to and he earned his way here. That is the more than anyone else in the federation can say…and this is the reason I have to beat him so badly.
You ARE the number one contender, no ifs ands or buts. This IS the biggest match of your career, this is the most motivated and prepared Grayson Pierce to ever step into the ring, so for me not to meet you with all of my might in the centre of the ring wouldn’t be a disrespect just to you, but to my standing as World Champion. You’re getting both barrels. Let’s fucking get it. I will twist your fuckin noggin and Snapple your head, all of your time spent, your hard work toil and effort isn’t for nothing. If you manage to live you’ve got something to talk about and fun facts you can give.
‘Did you know…Joey Flash beat the shit out of Grayson Pierce more times than Rebellution have wasted their time in nonsensical segments backstage with worthless faggots than actually winning matches?’
Flash smiles.
Joey: How are the Tag Titles treating you Grayson? You good man? Well a quick public service announcement, ~*FOURTHWALLBREAKSPOILERALERT: Podcast Squad stand up!!!!!!!*~ you’re going to have that belt ripped from your waist quicker than Alex Richards when visiting his Uncle’s house. Once again we have a tag team that never fucking defends their belts, I am getting absolutely sick of this. Bobby plz cum bacc!!!! The fact that you can currently call yourself ‘champion’ at all makes me want to barf, a champion actually y’know…defends their belt. What you’ve been doing is treading water and holding yours and Andre’s head above water in the mid-card by the simple fact the pair of you hold the most devalued titles on the entire roster. Maybe once I’ve finally smashed your World Title delusions from your fucked up mind we’re going to be able to have competent tag champions for once who actually defend and own their shit.
This match has made one thing abundantly clear to me. You are the number one contender. You are the best this federation has to offer and this is…easy for me. Like exceedingly easy. There has been this gulf in class for a whole year or so now, I used to share this lofty perch with Daniel but he’s gone so now what is left? Now there is only Joey Flash, there is Joey Flash and then there is everyone else. I could say ‘fuck the World Title’ tomorrow and guess what? I’d still be regarded as the pinnacle of this business. This is the place we are at right now. This is the epitome of the man making the title. This is a level no one else in the WCF can ever reach. This is not something you can traverse with hard work and effort; this is something that was decided at birth.
For you Grayson? This match was about two or three two weeks too early for you. If you would have finally stepped to me on this big stage, balls low and chest out with ya face painted and your nasty side flourishing then we would have had a fucking match and a half, but this simpering eunuch of the man I used to legitimately consider a rival? Please. It’s not something for me to even be bothered with. That said…I’d have crushed and bodied Gemini Battle all the fucking same. You might as well lose with excuses than with none, it’s better for your psyche I’m sure.
So ends story time. We return with your reality check Grayson.
Joey: I’m growing tired Grayson. Do you get that feeling too? This, us. It’s becoming redundant. At this point, I have bent you over the table so many times my dick is going limp at the very thought of it, it’s like we’ve been married fifteen years. It’s getting hard to shoot literally and metaphorically. How many Joey Flash Jr’s have been wasted on your gaping asshole? Mike Tyson once told someone ‘I’ll fuck you ‘til you love me faggot’ well apparently this still continues to ring true. You truly are my bottom bitch, the guy who I call on when all other avenues are running dry and I need to get my dick wet and my nut on. You’re always ready willing and able. Why do you even do this anymore?
You are the single reason that two ‘Best of Joey Flash’ DVD’s exist. I have my own containing all my many beautiful triumphs and then also my fans can dip into the ‘Best of Grayson Pierce’ DVD to see half your matches where you get your head beaten in by yours truly. It must be pretty sad for you that the front of that DVD is me punching you in the face; I mean what kind of promotion is that for you? ‘Hey I’m the guy who gets the shit beat out of him every week, buy my matches! Doyyy’
Even your genetics are so shitty that your offspring’s are shit. Or maybe they’ve all [This has been censored by the WCF Network, apologies from the inconvenience] themselves in the [This has been censored by the WCF Network, apologies from the inconvenience] womb to avoid having a father like you, perpetual failure, constant loser. A man who can achieve no goals or status in life without the help of others and piggybacking of that success.
Want to know what you are Grayson? You are a man with talent who likes to pretend he has none. You are a man with potential who is happy just to sit around and never push himself. You are what we call a ‘willing underdog’, back when you were the next to blow, you were just about to become the next big thing in the company. You crushed the elimination record for War and you were flying high and then…you threw it all away. You became a pussified, emasculated version of yourself, and for what reason, huh? Are you scared of failure or are you scared of success?
You were the best member of the DRG, clearly, no debating. Yet you were willing to sit at the feet of Bates and eat whatever scraps he was willing to throw you even though you could have taken his place your fucking self. From playing willing dicksleave to Tom Bates to being the least interesting member of a stable consisting of DeMarcus Jordan, Bonnie Blue and Andre Holmes. What in holy fuck has happened to you?
I once heard that if you hang out with losers, you’ll become one. For you it’s the exact opposite. In this case, everyone else became a loser from hanging out with you. No one likes you, Grayson. No one is rooting for you. Your ship sailed the moment you got beaten by Wade “Cupcake” Moor at ONE. This match is like Seth started trying to give you a pity handjob after WAR and you still haven’t cum. Well I’m taking you to the brink and I’m stopping at the last second before spitting in your face and knocking you the fuck out. Your big moment is naught but a ruined orgasm.
The fact that you are partnering back up with Thomas Bates for Trios shows just how stuck on the past and insecure about yourself you are, and how fractured and terrible Rebellution are, you have THREE ACTIVE MEMBERS. Yourself, Bonnie Blue and Andre Holmes, fucking OWN that shit, that’s what any other team in the world would do, but what the fuck do you guys do instead? Join three completely fucking separate teams.
How to get over 101: Ignore your own story/stable/progression. Holy…fucking…shit.
No one wants to see the DRG reunite, and all you and Bates will do is take precious time and spotlight off Mikey eXtreme, a man who deserves so much better than you two jokers. He has been doing so well with the DRG taint around himself. It’s been beautiful to watch. Sorry, again, back to the whole thing about hanging out with losers; sorry Mikey, you’re fuckin finished here bro.
In fact, fuck this match altogether, how about you just let Bates wrestle this match instead? That’s a match I can actually get behind. Don’t worry. I’m not going to miss my kill this time now that dollop of shit is back in the federation. Lookee, a champion in this federation actually being proactive. It’s fucking unheard of.
Flash grins.
Joey: Our tale has been an interesting one Grayson; I feel I know you more than anyone else in this entire federation. We’ve shared so many memories, mostly good for me, mostly bad for you but in the end they are memories for us both and for all the fans who have watched our storied rivalry. I’d be a liar if I said it was anything but, you push me to a level that very few others can. Why? Because you’re fucking annoying and I want to finally be rid of you forever. I used to want to destroy you, to rip flesh from bone, to finally crush your skull and be the one that retired Grayson Pierce. Now though…I don’t want to kill you. I just want you to go away.
This match is my breakup letter to you. Take your stupid leather jacket memorabilia, take your Trios Tournament trophy, take your children’s makeup kit, take your wack ass Tag Title reign, take your spazzing around the upper mid card, take your constantly challenging me, take your constant failing, take your sadness, self-loathing, last chance having ass the fuck out of my sight…and never…come…back.
This is the last time, the LAST time we ever fight in such a high leverage match. I’m sure I’ll randomly fight you in a clusterfuck match at some time and we’ll both laugh about how many times we’ve faced each other. Everyone will have a laugh. Just know that you have had all the chances in the world at facing me and beating me and in the end Grayson you just couldn’t get it done. You’re worse than fucking Grime.
This was over from the moment it was signed. This was a bodybag from the motherfucking start. It’s over for you as a main eventer Grayson, now, would you do me one favour from rival to rival?
Fuck off.
Joey Flash, Jared Holmes and Dune
Canada. What a fucking piece of shit country. Keep your healthcare and poutine you fucking weird cunts, Joey had been very complimentary to these weird motherfuckers during all the interviews he had given during the press tour but entering the Air Canada Centre he could find nothing positive to say about this sorry ass country, even the stupid bitch leading him to his locker room was about twenty pounds overweight and had a gap in her teeth. Bitch could floss with Grayson’s dick.
Gappy: Here we are Mr Flash.
Joey: I bet you can whistle with your mouth closed, kindly fuck off.
The woman fucks off while gaptoothed tears drip from her gaptoothed slightly overweight tearducts. Flash thought about opening his door like a normal person but today? He felt like a fucking badass, so he kicked the shit out of his door and it flew open like a police battering ram smashed that shit. Well, a plot twist as surprising as Rey being Luke’s daughter, waiting in Joey’s locker room was the 6ix God, Jared Holmes.
Joseph sat on the bench across from the Man of a Thousand Fucking Nicknames the two men locked in a cold stare. No, even with this prospective alliance there was little room for warmth or friendliness; the girlfriend and wife were absent. There was no need for a front.
Jared smiled as Flash continued to scowl, his own head shaking in disbelief at the scene unfolding before him and choices he was making.
Joey: You know, several months ago I was working with Howard Black and Occulo. Then I was working with Dune and Occulo. Wait, you know that: we took your heads off on Slam.
Jared’s smile didn’t waver.
Jared: You could call Occulo if you want.
Flash shook his head.
Joey: No, I think that bridge is nice and burned. Not that it ever really stood.
Jared: And you just took off Howard Black’s head in OSW, so I doubt he’ll return your calls.
Flash waved a hand dismissively.
Joey: He’s just got that kind of face. I can’t help it.
Jared shrugged, his smile growing steadily.
Jared: Nah, I get it. I don’t need an explanation.
The locker room went quiet once more. Flash sighed, shaking his head as he looked down at the floor.
Joey: Alright, fine. Here we are. I’m sure you have some stupid “aesthetic” or whatever.
Jared’s face lit up like a candle as he turned to his gym bag, reaching in to pull out a leather vest. His eyes narrowed, his face looking like a caricature of Dennis the Menace.
Jared: Oh, you know me all too well, Joseph. Now. Come up with a nickname.
Flash groaned as he reached out to take the leather vest.
Joey: No.
Jared: Please?
Joey: No. You didn’t make Beaver or Kemp change their names. I should take your head off for giving me the Oblivion treatment.
As Flash unfolded the vest, Jared whistled “Watch Whip/Nae Nae”. Staring down at the three-piece patch on the back, Joey only continued to shake his head, a thin smile now crossing his lips.
Joey: Incredible. Another thing I can rub Grayson’s face in.
Jared only continued to smile.
Jared: I think it’s one of my finest ideas.
Joey: If by finest, you mean fucking idiotic, I agree.
A knock rang on the door. Both men turned towards the sound.
Jared: Speaking of fine ideas, the man of the hour.
The door opened as final partner entered the locker room. Reaching up, he slowly removed his headphones, the room filling with the faint blare of “The Pink Room” by Angelo Badalamenti.
Jared: I told you Joe. I will only come to you with something mindblowing.
Stood in front of them was a man in a mask, hulking, unmistakable, powerful, dominant, unrelenting…this guy was anything fucking but. The man regarded Joey Flash.
Andre: Wavey, baby!!
Andre Aquarius ripped his MF Doom mask from his face.
Andre: Expecting someone else?
Flash looked at Jared, whose smile was nearly reaching his ears.
Joey: Are you fucking kidding me?!
Jared: You still don’t have a name.
Andre: Yeah bruh, you need a fuckin name.
Joey: I refuse to take part in these games.
Flash threw the leather vest on and threw it over his shoulder, looking at himself in the mirror.
Joey: This is idiotic.
He was quickly joined by both Jared and Andre, who had also adorned their leather jackets. As the three of them gazed into the mirror the team that would make up the Trios Tournament winners was made official with two simple words.
Joey: Joey…Splash.
A Hero's Tale: Watch the Throne
*ON CAMERA* (I actually did this at the start of my WCF tenure)
Joey: Hi.
*OFF CAMERA*
Joey Flash has a gangbang with five midgets, all of whom nut in his gagging mouth. Flash then teleports to the Mojave Desert and gets a blowie from Dune’s ripped up mouth before splooging a dribbly string of spunk down his throat before then for no reason at all killing Johnny Rabid
~*HOLY SHIT JOEY FLASH JUST SMASHED THROUGH THE FOURTH WALL LIKE THE KOOL-AID MAN ON A BINGE*~
Christopher Morrell: Michael Stelzner is a radged spunk knuckled cunt, but I would fuck him.
(Didn’t happen on camera so not-canon and you can’t shoot on it)
*ON CAMERA*
We open to a crackling fire then slowly pan backward to find Joseph Malignaggi sat in an antique leather chair, attired in tweed jacket and slacks with brown dress shoes topping off the three piece. His hair is clipped back very neatly and his jawline is smooth as shit. We realise that Flash is in the same room as the last time he faced Grayson Pierce, there is something soothing about killing this guy while relaxing with a book by the fire. Surrounding the seated Malignaggi are several book cases housing tomes that look more expensive than a night with Katherine Phoenix, so like, ten cents. Flash reaches backward and picks one of the shitter, beaten up looking books from the shelf directly behind him and finally regards the camera.
Joey: It’s promo trope city all day up in this bitch!!! I’m not here to talk shit today. I’m not here to ‘shoot’ or ‘bury a weak ass mothafucka’. This is going to be a child friendly edition. Well, child friendly but with swearing, homophobic/racist undertones, and graphic sexual references. Hello little boys and girls, are you ready to join Uncle Joseph in ‘Sunday Storytime’? Yeah damn right you are. Today we are going to delve into a story that is near and dear to my heart.
Flash turns the book over and we read the cover where we see a very shoddily drawn imagine of a young handsome looking warrior raising his sword in preparation for an attack while in the background we see a manic king sat on a throne throwing his arms wide in defiance.
“A Hero’s Tale: Watch the Throne”
(Close your eyes, hit play, and enjoy! Transcription at the end of the RP)
Flash slams the book shut and his tone has gone from story teller to stone cold killer. Britain to Brooklyn.
Joey: In every story in every culture in the world, the outcome of the match is simple: Grayson Pierce wins. It’s so poetically poised, the man who has fallen at every moment that when hope seems bleakest but stakes are highest finally finds the power inside of him and completes his hero’s journey by overcoming the problem that has been haunting him since day one and against all odds wins victory. Little Grayson Pierce defeats Joey Flash and finally wins the World Championship. Well I am sorry to reveal to you, professional wrestling is not a story, the winners and losers are not pre-determined, this is not a fairytale Grayson. This is real life.
You’re had dreams and dreams of slaying the dragon and everyone welcome you back to the village as conqueror and hero. The reality of today is that the dragon is going to rip you to pieces and not even think twice of it. This is it for you, this is your big battle, and you’re sending everything you have against me this week and I am going to meet you in the centre of the ring, not as a disdainful rival, not as a man uninterested in you or the challenge you possess but as the WCF World Champion.
Since I defeated Dune the World Title has been an absolute joke. Passed around from weak pretender to weak pretender, it’s a disservice to the dominance Dune and shit, even Beckman had as the World Champion for these people to be treating the belt this way. I didn’t want this title, in fact before I felt the weight of it around my waist I couldn’t give a single fuck about it. You’re right. Do you want to know what changed my mind? The blind faith of one man.
Myself and Lerch have a love/hate relationship: he loves me and I hate him. However, in his hour of need when he saw the calibre of the biggest prize in the entirety of our sport being sucked down the fucking drain it was then Seth subconsciously threw the bat signal into the sky. He knew there is only one man in the whole company who could restore the prestige of this belt…
Joey snaps his fingers.
Joey: …in an instant, and well Grayson, here we are. I have said from the moment I won this title that I was going absolutely nowhere. I am taking on all comers, whenever, whoever, however. The current crop of champions are the weakest I have ever fucking seen, the only two with fighting spirit are ZMAC and Mikey, the rest of you are fucking pathetic. I’m changing this culture from the top down. Weakness is not allowed in my federation; Dag Riddik faggot ass makes an open challenge and then REFUSES to fight the people who accept? What in holy fuck is this shit? Someone so much as mentions my name? I am not doing a Dag Riddik and ignoring that shit; I am fighting and destroying that person the very same week. This is the difference between The World and everyone else. Grayson Pierce did shit the right way. He didn’t trash talk, he didn’t step out of turn, he won the matches he had to and he earned his way here. That is the more than anyone else in the federation can say…and this is the reason I have to beat him so badly.
You ARE the number one contender, no ifs ands or buts. This IS the biggest match of your career, this is the most motivated and prepared Grayson Pierce to ever step into the ring, so for me not to meet you with all of my might in the centre of the ring wouldn’t be a disrespect just to you, but to my standing as World Champion. You’re getting both barrels. Let’s fucking get it. I will twist your fuckin noggin and Snapple your head, all of your time spent, your hard work toil and effort isn’t for nothing. If you manage to live you’ve got something to talk about and fun facts you can give.
‘Did you know…Joey Flash beat the shit out of Grayson Pierce more times than Rebellution have wasted their time in nonsensical segments backstage with worthless faggots than actually winning matches?’
Flash smiles.
Joey: How are the Tag Titles treating you Grayson? You good man? Well a quick public service announcement, ~*FOURTHWALLBREAKSPOILERALERT: Podcast Squad stand up!!!!!!!*~ you’re going to have that belt ripped from your waist quicker than Alex Richards when visiting his Uncle’s house. Once again we have a tag team that never fucking defends their belts, I am getting absolutely sick of this. Bobby plz cum bacc!!!! The fact that you can currently call yourself ‘champion’ at all makes me want to barf, a champion actually y’know…defends their belt. What you’ve been doing is treading water and holding yours and Andre’s head above water in the mid-card by the simple fact the pair of you hold the most devalued titles on the entire roster. Maybe once I’ve finally smashed your World Title delusions from your fucked up mind we’re going to be able to have competent tag champions for once who actually defend and own their shit.
This match has made one thing abundantly clear to me. You are the number one contender. You are the best this federation has to offer and this is…easy for me. Like exceedingly easy. There has been this gulf in class for a whole year or so now, I used to share this lofty perch with Daniel but he’s gone so now what is left? Now there is only Joey Flash, there is Joey Flash and then there is everyone else. I could say ‘fuck the World Title’ tomorrow and guess what? I’d still be regarded as the pinnacle of this business. This is the place we are at right now. This is the epitome of the man making the title. This is a level no one else in the WCF can ever reach. This is not something you can traverse with hard work and effort; this is something that was decided at birth.
For you Grayson? This match was about two or three two weeks too early for you. If you would have finally stepped to me on this big stage, balls low and chest out with ya face painted and your nasty side flourishing then we would have had a fucking match and a half, but this simpering eunuch of the man I used to legitimately consider a rival? Please. It’s not something for me to even be bothered with. That said…I’d have crushed and bodied Gemini Battle all the fucking same. You might as well lose with excuses than with none, it’s better for your psyche I’m sure.
So ends story time. We return with your reality check Grayson.
Joey: I’m growing tired Grayson. Do you get that feeling too? This, us. It’s becoming redundant. At this point, I have bent you over the table so many times my dick is going limp at the very thought of it, it’s like we’ve been married fifteen years. It’s getting hard to shoot literally and metaphorically. How many Joey Flash Jr’s have been wasted on your gaping asshole? Mike Tyson once told someone ‘I’ll fuck you ‘til you love me faggot’ well apparently this still continues to ring true. You truly are my bottom bitch, the guy who I call on when all other avenues are running dry and I need to get my dick wet and my nut on. You’re always ready willing and able. Why do you even do this anymore?
You are the single reason that two ‘Best of Joey Flash’ DVD’s exist. I have my own containing all my many beautiful triumphs and then also my fans can dip into the ‘Best of Grayson Pierce’ DVD to see half your matches where you get your head beaten in by yours truly. It must be pretty sad for you that the front of that DVD is me punching you in the face; I mean what kind of promotion is that for you? ‘Hey I’m the guy who gets the shit beat out of him every week, buy my matches! Doyyy’
Even your genetics are so shitty that your offspring’s are shit. Or maybe they’ve all [This has been censored by the WCF Network, apologies from the inconvenience] themselves in the [This has been censored by the WCF Network, apologies from the inconvenience] womb to avoid having a father like you, perpetual failure, constant loser. A man who can achieve no goals or status in life without the help of others and piggybacking of that success.
Want to know what you are Grayson? You are a man with talent who likes to pretend he has none. You are a man with potential who is happy just to sit around and never push himself. You are what we call a ‘willing underdog’, back when you were the next to blow, you were just about to become the next big thing in the company. You crushed the elimination record for War and you were flying high and then…you threw it all away. You became a pussified, emasculated version of yourself, and for what reason, huh? Are you scared of failure or are you scared of success?
You were the best member of the DRG, clearly, no debating. Yet you were willing to sit at the feet of Bates and eat whatever scraps he was willing to throw you even though you could have taken his place your fucking self. From playing willing dicksleave to Tom Bates to being the least interesting member of a stable consisting of DeMarcus Jordan, Bonnie Blue and Andre Holmes. What in holy fuck has happened to you?
I once heard that if you hang out with losers, you’ll become one. For you it’s the exact opposite. In this case, everyone else became a loser from hanging out with you. No one likes you, Grayson. No one is rooting for you. Your ship sailed the moment you got beaten by Wade “Cupcake” Moor at ONE. This match is like Seth started trying to give you a pity handjob after WAR and you still haven’t cum. Well I’m taking you to the brink and I’m stopping at the last second before spitting in your face and knocking you the fuck out. Your big moment is naught but a ruined orgasm.
The fact that you are partnering back up with Thomas Bates for Trios shows just how stuck on the past and insecure about yourself you are, and how fractured and terrible Rebellution are, you have THREE ACTIVE MEMBERS. Yourself, Bonnie Blue and Andre Holmes, fucking OWN that shit, that’s what any other team in the world would do, but what the fuck do you guys do instead? Join three completely fucking separate teams.
How to get over 101: Ignore your own story/stable/progression. Holy…fucking…shit.
No one wants to see the DRG reunite, and all you and Bates will do is take precious time and spotlight off Mikey eXtreme, a man who deserves so much better than you two jokers. He has been doing so well with the DRG taint around himself. It’s been beautiful to watch. Sorry, again, back to the whole thing about hanging out with losers; sorry Mikey, you’re fuckin finished here bro.
In fact, fuck this match altogether, how about you just let Bates wrestle this match instead? That’s a match I can actually get behind. Don’t worry. I’m not going to miss my kill this time now that dollop of shit is back in the federation. Lookee, a champion in this federation actually being proactive. It’s fucking unheard of.
Flash grins.
Joey: Our tale has been an interesting one Grayson; I feel I know you more than anyone else in this entire federation. We’ve shared so many memories, mostly good for me, mostly bad for you but in the end they are memories for us both and for all the fans who have watched our storied rivalry. I’d be a liar if I said it was anything but, you push me to a level that very few others can. Why? Because you’re fucking annoying and I want to finally be rid of you forever. I used to want to destroy you, to rip flesh from bone, to finally crush your skull and be the one that retired Grayson Pierce. Now though…I don’t want to kill you. I just want you to go away.
This match is my breakup letter to you. Take your stupid leather jacket memorabilia, take your Trios Tournament trophy, take your children’s makeup kit, take your wack ass Tag Title reign, take your spazzing around the upper mid card, take your constantly challenging me, take your constant failing, take your sadness, self-loathing, last chance having ass the fuck out of my sight…and never…come…back.
This is the last time, the LAST time we ever fight in such a high leverage match. I’m sure I’ll randomly fight you in a clusterfuck match at some time and we’ll both laugh about how many times we’ve faced each other. Everyone will have a laugh. Just know that you have had all the chances in the world at facing me and beating me and in the end Grayson you just couldn’t get it done. You’re worse than fucking Grime.
This was over from the moment it was signed. This was a bodybag from the motherfucking start. It’s over for you as a main eventer Grayson, now, would you do me one favour from rival to rival?
Fuck off.
Joey Flash, Jared Holmes and Dune
Canada. What a fucking piece of shit country. Keep your healthcare and poutine you fucking weird cunts, Joey had been very complimentary to these weird motherfuckers during all the interviews he had given during the press tour but entering the Air Canada Centre he could find nothing positive to say about this sorry ass country, even the stupid bitch leading him to his locker room was about twenty pounds overweight and had a gap in her teeth. Bitch could floss with Grayson’s dick.
Gappy: Here we are Mr Flash.
Joey: I bet you can whistle with your mouth closed, kindly fuck off.
The woman fucks off while gaptoothed tears drip from her gaptoothed slightly overweight tearducts. Flash thought about opening his door like a normal person but today? He felt like a fucking badass, so he kicked the shit out of his door and it flew open like a police battering ram smashed that shit. Well, a plot twist as surprising as Rey being Luke’s daughter, waiting in Joey’s locker room was the 6ix God, Jared Holmes.
Joseph sat on the bench across from the Man of a Thousand Fucking Nicknames the two men locked in a cold stare. No, even with this prospective alliance there was little room for warmth or friendliness; the girlfriend and wife were absent. There was no need for a front.
Jared smiled as Flash continued to scowl, his own head shaking in disbelief at the scene unfolding before him and choices he was making.
Joey: You know, several months ago I was working with Howard Black and Occulo. Then I was working with Dune and Occulo. Wait, you know that: we took your heads off on Slam.
Jared’s smile didn’t waver.
Jared: You could call Occulo if you want.
Flash shook his head.
Joey: No, I think that bridge is nice and burned. Not that it ever really stood.
Jared: And you just took off Howard Black’s head in OSW, so I doubt he’ll return your calls.
Flash waved a hand dismissively.
Joey: He’s just got that kind of face. I can’t help it.
Jared shrugged, his smile growing steadily.
Jared: Nah, I get it. I don’t need an explanation.
The locker room went quiet once more. Flash sighed, shaking his head as he looked down at the floor.
Joey: Alright, fine. Here we are. I’m sure you have some stupid “aesthetic” or whatever.
Jared’s face lit up like a candle as he turned to his gym bag, reaching in to pull out a leather vest. His eyes narrowed, his face looking like a caricature of Dennis the Menace.
Jared: Oh, you know me all too well, Joseph. Now. Come up with a nickname.
Flash groaned as he reached out to take the leather vest.
Joey: No.
Jared: Please?
Joey: No. You didn’t make Beaver or Kemp change their names. I should take your head off for giving me the Oblivion treatment.
As Flash unfolded the vest, Jared whistled “Watch Whip/Nae Nae”. Staring down at the three-piece patch on the back, Joey only continued to shake his head, a thin smile now crossing his lips.
Joey: Incredible. Another thing I can rub Grayson’s face in.
Jared only continued to smile.
Jared: I think it’s one of my finest ideas.
Joey: If by finest, you mean fucking idiotic, I agree.
A knock rang on the door. Both men turned towards the sound.
Jared: Speaking of fine ideas, the man of the hour.
The door opened as final partner entered the locker room. Reaching up, he slowly removed his headphones, the room filling with the faint blare of “The Pink Room” by Angelo Badalamenti.
Jared: I told you Joe. I will only come to you with something mindblowing.
Stood in front of them was a man in a mask, hulking, unmistakable, powerful, dominant, unrelenting…this guy was anything fucking but. The man regarded Joey Flash.
Andre: Wavey, baby!!
Andre Aquarius ripped his MF Doom mask from his face.
Andre: Expecting someone else?
Flash looked at Jared, whose smile was nearly reaching his ears.
Joey: Are you fucking kidding me?!
Jared: You still don’t have a name.
Andre: Yeah bruh, you need a fuckin name.
Joey: I refuse to take part in these games.
Flash threw the leather vest on and threw it over his shoulder, looking at himself in the mirror.
Joey: This is idiotic.
He was quickly joined by both Jared and Andre, who had also adorned their leather jackets. As the three of them gazed into the mirror the team that would make up the Trios Tournament winners was made official with two simple words.
Joey: Joey…Splash.
With a tweet and a yawn the land of Flashington arose
As little Grayson Pierce covered up his little toes
Where down the road and past the well
Lived little Joey Flash, with a story to tell
A story of bravery, battle, victory and more
Was on the tip of his toungue as he burst through the door
Our story begins on this quiet little street
Where Joey and Grayson first did meet
Joey was confident, boastful and brash
He pinched a red apple and escaped with a dash
Grayson was meek, quiet and clever
To be better than Joey was a constant endeavour
They met at the corner past the old shoe shop
Where thieving Joey got caught and was throwing a strop
Grayson had tripped him with the greengrocer in chase
And was rewarded, for his boots, a brand new shoelace
Joey sulked, cried, chuntered and moaned
As a hero through the streets, Grayson always roamed
The mischevious Joey knew that one lucky day
He would be the one to hear hip hip hooray
One cold day in the frosty old village
Came a band of men looking to thieve and pillage
As thick as thieves are, these were extra thick
As Grayson chased them away with a quick punch and kick
Lazy Joey Flash who was tucked up in bed
Slept through it all, resting his little head
He awoke to stories about how Grayson saved the day
And wished Grayson Pierce would just go away
With the setting of the sun sad news did impart
The King had died, this world he did depart
The Prince the next day was proudly crowned
Spreading dread in the palace, and through the land all around
The new King was mean and abused his new power
Whilst his Father was sweet, this man was sour
He changed rule after rule, law after law
Leaving the people of the village, penniless and poor
The village stood up, tired of his rule
Grayson stood before him, brave and cool
The King scoffed, and laughed with a chortle
“Who are you, you pathetic little mortal?”
“It is I Grayson Pierce, sick of your awful ways
Our village works hard day after hard day
To feed their kids, and elderly alike
But you steal from them, no on your bike!”
To this the King was in tears, rolling on the floor
“Oh please child, make me laugh more!”
Grayson scowled and rushed at the King!
But a guard clobbered him hard, and his ears did ring
“I admire your courage, you foolish little boy!
He then made a plan, cunning and coy
“Battle me at full moon, in the castle courtyard
In a fight to the death, nothing is barred”
Grayson agreed, but did not stand alone
Flash hid round the corner, ready and prone
He heard every word and saw everything
“Beat me in Battle and you’ll become King”
The boys trained for hours for battle they must master
Battle to be stronger, and battle to be faster
Grayson trained with a soldier from the Flashington army
Joey trained alone, cocky and smarmy
A whole week later after gruelling battle practice
Grayson was exhausted, but knew he had cracked it
Whereas the brash Joey Flash, on the other hand
Had only trained for a day, the laziest boy in the land
The night drew in and the full moon shone brightly
The boys marched to the castle, brave and sprightly
They stood there dwarfed by the huge castle gates
The new king waited, to decide their two fates
The courtyard shone by moonlight and flame
Joey knew this, was where he would claim his fame
With a sshhhiinnnkkkk they drew swords and locked their eyes
Royalty for one, whilst the other one dies
Little Grayson ran as fast as his little legs could
The King scoffed and took down his hood
With a shout he grabbed his sword and attempted a stab
The King easily dodged “Is this all you have?”
Grayson scowled and stabbed, stabbed again
But the King shared laughter with all his King’s men
Grayson grew angry, his little face blushed
But then the king, and his men, were suddenly hushed
Grayson landed a punch, right in the King’s gut
But the King reacted with no more than a tut
With the back of his hand he sent little Grayson flying
With a wide smile on his face, Joey was crying
“This ends now” The King loudly declared
Grayson touched his face, his skin had teared
With the taste of blood he grabbed his sword once more
And charged at the king...but his effort was poor
The King stood aside and in one quick attack
Drove his sword right through him, and that was that
Little Grayson fell and covered the ground in red
For brave little Grayson...was dead
The King wiped his sword, his women adored
Out stepped little Joey, giving a round of applause
“Took you that long your grace?” He asked with a sneer
As he helped himself to the ale and beer
Joey took his sword out and threw it to the ground
He raised his arms to the air and looked all around
“Worry not village” as he stood by Grayson’s bod
“He might be a King, but I am a God”
The King’s laugh bellowed across the great land
But he was soon silenced by Joey’s clenched hand
With one stiff punch the King coughed and spluttered
“You might be a King, but I am a God” in his ear he softly muttered
The King quickly reacted and grabbed his well crafted blade
But Joey was faster and not a single stab was made
He grabbed the King’s gauntlet and tossed him to the ground
And the crown bearing head, he started to pound
He stomped on his head for what seemed like an hour
And threw the spilled brains to the dogs, which they quickly devoured
Joey kicked some gravel over the flattened, squashed head
“All hail Lord Flash, this King is dead!”
Joey’s finest hour came with a crown on his head
But to his disdain...Grayson wasn’t dead!
He got to his feet and nurses rushed to his aid
Joey yawned with a stretch and the Royal Quarters he laid
A week later walked Grayson, happy and well
To the castle gates with a thank you to tell
He approached the king and bowed to the ground
Joey stared down at him, and did not make a sound
“My King, thank you for saving us, I am truly grateful”
King Joey’s response was nothing but hateful
“The bloodstain in the yard, clean it up at once”
His crown glistened beautifully, atop his royal bonce
“Me?” Asked Grayson, with a shuddering lip
“Obviously you faggot” Joey shot from the hip
“Your disgusting essence, it makes me sick
I want the yard spotless, span and spick”
For day after day he sent Grayson to work
The courtyard and sewers, he arduously lurked
But whilst he worked he made a new friend
A fallen warrior who trained him, to bring Joey to an end
Week after week the warrior inspired and trained
Whilst he plotted his attack whilst it snowed and rained
The warrior told him he could beat Joey Flash
Then one day Joey’s door, he smashed with a crash
“No more Joey! All this ends today”
“For abusing me and enslaving me, you shall now pay!”
“That fight was mine, I’m the rightful king!”
“Now draw your sword and let’s end this thing!”
Joey approached him, the King half asleep
And broke Grayson’s neck, without even a peep
As little Grayson Pierce covered up his little toes
Where down the road and past the well
Lived little Joey Flash, with a story to tell
A story of bravery, battle, victory and more
Was on the tip of his toungue as he burst through the door
Our story begins on this quiet little street
Where Joey and Grayson first did meet
Joey was confident, boastful and brash
He pinched a red apple and escaped with a dash
Grayson was meek, quiet and clever
To be better than Joey was a constant endeavour
They met at the corner past the old shoe shop
Where thieving Joey got caught and was throwing a strop
Grayson had tripped him with the greengrocer in chase
And was rewarded, for his boots, a brand new shoelace
Joey sulked, cried, chuntered and moaned
As a hero through the streets, Grayson always roamed
The mischevious Joey knew that one lucky day
He would be the one to hear hip hip hooray
One cold day in the frosty old village
Came a band of men looking to thieve and pillage
As thick as thieves are, these were extra thick
As Grayson chased them away with a quick punch and kick
Lazy Joey Flash who was tucked up in bed
Slept through it all, resting his little head
He awoke to stories about how Grayson saved the day
And wished Grayson Pierce would just go away
With the setting of the sun sad news did impart
The King had died, this world he did depart
The Prince the next day was proudly crowned
Spreading dread in the palace, and through the land all around
The new King was mean and abused his new power
Whilst his Father was sweet, this man was sour
He changed rule after rule, law after law
Leaving the people of the village, penniless and poor
The village stood up, tired of his rule
Grayson stood before him, brave and cool
The King scoffed, and laughed with a chortle
“Who are you, you pathetic little mortal?”
“It is I Grayson Pierce, sick of your awful ways
Our village works hard day after hard day
To feed their kids, and elderly alike
But you steal from them, no on your bike!”
To this the King was in tears, rolling on the floor
“Oh please child, make me laugh more!”
Grayson scowled and rushed at the King!
But a guard clobbered him hard, and his ears did ring
“I admire your courage, you foolish little boy!
He then made a plan, cunning and coy
“Battle me at full moon, in the castle courtyard
In a fight to the death, nothing is barred”
Grayson agreed, but did not stand alone
Flash hid round the corner, ready and prone
He heard every word and saw everything
“Beat me in Battle and you’ll become King”
The boys trained for hours for battle they must master
Battle to be stronger, and battle to be faster
Grayson trained with a soldier from the Flashington army
Joey trained alone, cocky and smarmy
A whole week later after gruelling battle practice
Grayson was exhausted, but knew he had cracked it
Whereas the brash Joey Flash, on the other hand
Had only trained for a day, the laziest boy in the land
The night drew in and the full moon shone brightly
The boys marched to the castle, brave and sprightly
They stood there dwarfed by the huge castle gates
The new king waited, to decide their two fates
The courtyard shone by moonlight and flame
Joey knew this, was where he would claim his fame
With a sshhhiinnnkkkk they drew swords and locked their eyes
Royalty for one, whilst the other one dies
Little Grayson ran as fast as his little legs could
The King scoffed and took down his hood
With a shout he grabbed his sword and attempted a stab
The King easily dodged “Is this all you have?”
Grayson scowled and stabbed, stabbed again
But the King shared laughter with all his King’s men
Grayson grew angry, his little face blushed
But then the king, and his men, were suddenly hushed
Grayson landed a punch, right in the King’s gut
But the King reacted with no more than a tut
With the back of his hand he sent little Grayson flying
With a wide smile on his face, Joey was crying
“This ends now” The King loudly declared
Grayson touched his face, his skin had teared
With the taste of blood he grabbed his sword once more
And charged at the king...but his effort was poor
The King stood aside and in one quick attack
Drove his sword right through him, and that was that
Little Grayson fell and covered the ground in red
For brave little Grayson...was dead
The King wiped his sword, his women adored
Out stepped little Joey, giving a round of applause
“Took you that long your grace?” He asked with a sneer
As he helped himself to the ale and beer
Joey took his sword out and threw it to the ground
He raised his arms to the air and looked all around
“Worry not village” as he stood by Grayson’s bod
“He might be a King, but I am a God”
The King’s laugh bellowed across the great land
But he was soon silenced by Joey’s clenched hand
With one stiff punch the King coughed and spluttered
“You might be a King, but I am a God” in his ear he softly muttered
The King quickly reacted and grabbed his well crafted blade
But Joey was faster and not a single stab was made
He grabbed the King’s gauntlet and tossed him to the ground
And the crown bearing head, he started to pound
He stomped on his head for what seemed like an hour
And threw the spilled brains to the dogs, which they quickly devoured
Joey kicked some gravel over the flattened, squashed head
“All hail Lord Flash, this King is dead!”
Joey’s finest hour came with a crown on his head
But to his disdain...Grayson wasn’t dead!
He got to his feet and nurses rushed to his aid
Joey yawned with a stretch and the Royal Quarters he laid
A week later walked Grayson, happy and well
To the castle gates with a thank you to tell
He approached the king and bowed to the ground
Joey stared down at him, and did not make a sound
“My King, thank you for saving us, I am truly grateful”
King Joey’s response was nothing but hateful
“The bloodstain in the yard, clean it up at once”
His crown glistened beautifully, atop his royal bonce
“Me?” Asked Grayson, with a shuddering lip
“Obviously you faggot” Joey shot from the hip
“Your disgusting essence, it makes me sick
I want the yard spotless, span and spick”
For day after day he sent Grayson to work
The courtyard and sewers, he arduously lurked
But whilst he worked he made a new friend
A fallen warrior who trained him, to bring Joey to an end
Week after week the warrior inspired and trained
Whilst he plotted his attack whilst it snowed and rained
The warrior told him he could beat Joey Flash
Then one day Joey’s door, he smashed with a crash
“No more Joey! All this ends today”
“For abusing me and enslaving me, you shall now pay!”
“That fight was mine, I’m the rightful king!”
“Now draw your sword and let’s end this thing!”
Joey approached him, the King half asleep
And broke Grayson’s neck, without even a peep
