Post by Cathy Fitch on Apr 21, 2016 18:03:10 GMT -5
-age.
It’s Always Showtime Here at the Edge of the Stage
If they give you ruled paper, write the other way. — Juan Ramón Jiménez (from Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury)
After that classy epigraph Cathy Fitch (not her real name) is sitting in a Tim Horton’s somewhere in Toronto. She is normally a Starbuck’s gal, but this was the first time she had left the country of the United States which was her homeland and she wanted to go native. She was drinking a cup of French Vanilla and English Toffee Specialty Hot Beverage. England and France were two more countries she wanted to visit someday. Cathy Fitch had big dreams that went beyond novelty drinks though so don’t think her thirst is slaked.
Her thirst is for success, and all the traipsings that go with it. Traipsing the world, seeing all the sights, becoming a renowned World Traveler and a Renaissance Woman like her hero Laura Jeanne “Reese” Witherspoon.
And also like the woman who was sitting across from her sipping Green Tea because she didn’t want to spend the extra hour of cardio to work off the calories of a super sweet Tim Hortons flavored beverage. That woman was The Great Power Buti: Her Royal Heineyness who did have a cup of coffee in the Wrestling Championship Federation but due to a lack of winning was now delegated to Slam’s dark matches which is not racist. Buti is Cathy’s Sassy Ethnic Friend who Keeps Her Grounded with Her Homespun Wisdom even though her home was a castle in Nigeria Cathy thinks.
Buti: Have you heard from any of your tag team?
Great Power Buti is talking about “The Game” James Chevalier, Jericho Scrawl, and Bill Wilson the CIA Guy who are the three new wrestlers she will be on the same side with in a fight at Aftermath, WCF’s April Pay Per View taking place there in Toronto.
Cathy: The Game tweeted at me to say to keep my mind on winning my match like I needed to be told that!
Cathy huffs.
Cathy: Huff! I am more than a very pretty face you know! He should not have been talking down to me. I feel like Charlize Theron where my beauty can be a curse where people do not take me seriously.
Buti: Charlize Theron as remote as paw. Body beautiful is one of the most important benefits a person can do in all aspects of life. As Freud famously said: "anatomy is destiny".
Fitch nods in obtuse agreement.
Cathy: You got that right. Anyway, I told “The Game” not to worry, that I was just making jokes, and then made another joke about maybe my boyfriend being in the match.
The Backloaded Battler’s ebon eyebrow elevates enquiringly.
Buti: A joke?
Cathy: Yes. I can make jokes. I am a talented performer and a five tool player. I am strong, fast, beautiful, funny, and have workrate. I am going to put on a show Sunday at Aftermath and like the foam on this French Vanilla and English Toffee Specialty Coffee I will rise to the top of WCF.
Cathy dips her finger in the drink to scoop up some frothy goodness and then suckles on it because of her sixth tool: sex appeal.
Buti: Please do not make a scene in Tim Hortons.
Cathy is chastened. She sulks and crumples up some napkins, which makes Buti feel guilty. Out of nobelese oblige she steers the talk back to her match Sunday.
Buti: Do you really feel your team can win your match in the aftermath? You are all rookies, and the team you say has some experience in Championship Wrestling Federation.
Cathy: Yes. We will win. My team has me on it, and I am a six tool player. Also James Chevalier looks like he has game. His girlfriend is way hotter than he is, so he must be good at something more than playing Mario Kart. And Jericho Scrawl is big and needs money, which makes him dangerous. And Bill Wilson is in the CIA. So he’s dangerous in secret agent James Bond ways. I predict we have this match in the bag.
Cathy Fitch takes a spoon to stir at her coffee until all the foam has dissolved. Then: cliffhanger!
Cathy: Unless I betray my team for my boyfriend.
Wink to the fourth wall.
