Family Strong
Apr 16, 2016 23:50:02 GMT -5
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Lilith, SickWaves Blackamura, and 1 more like this
Post by Logan on Apr 16, 2016 23:50:02 GMT -5
The cameras open up onto a fancy stage reminiscent of Inside The Actors Studio, however, this one is dubbed… INSIDE THE BOUDLES STUDIO. Logan is wearing a head piece that makes him appear bald, along with a pair of glasses. He has a strange look on his face. Hundreds of people, most likely Logan fans, sit in the audience. The camera zooms up on Logan’s face.
Logan: The former actor turned wrestler has appeared in many starring roles. From the days he believed he was a turkey, to the countless and countless and do I mean countless promos he provides us that rarely ever bring up his opponents name, all the way up until recently when he makes his return to the big screen in his very own feature film… ‘John Gable Goes To Connector City’. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s my honor to introduce to you to Inside The Boudles Studio for the very first and hopefully last time… JOHN GABLE.
The camera keeps zooming in on Logan’s face which portrays this look like he’s super constipated and is currently trying to shit. Mel “The No Sell” Patell (see jobber roster), the one and only, walks out onto the stage and sits down. Logan is quite surprised by this.
Logan: I expected John Gable or at the very least someone pretending to be John Gable. Who might you be?
Mel Patell: My name is Mel. You see, basically, I can’t be touched. They try to say I’m not selling, but the truth is I have never thought it was important to ever acknowledge my opponents throughout the week or even during matches. Like, I know I’m in the ring, and I do this mixed karate shit randomly if someone tags me or something, but I don’t even know if I’m trying to hit my opponent. I just start doing moves and if someone is near hopefully it connects.
Logan: Ladies and gentlemen…
The camera goes back on Logan’s face like he needs to take the biggest dump ever but cannot.
Logan: JOHN GABLE.
Mel Patell: More or less. I’d agree with you but John Gable doesn’t deserve to be ranked with Mel “No Sell” Patell.
Logan: Yeah, well, either way I’m going to speak to you as if you were in fact John Gable.
Mel Patell: I’ll bite.
Logan: You’re basically the same personality. So, John Gable…
A sigh comes from Mel. He’s probably thinking screw it, haven’t had any screen time in months.
Logan: What can you tell me about your new upcoming film, “John Gable Goes To Connector City.”
Mel Patell: Well, you know, if it was me making the movie I would probably act like I didn’t have a clue what Connector City is despite the fact that the phrase has been around for a decade or so.
Logan: Interesting. Tell me, Gable, in the movie when your character makes it to Connector City what does he see other than a referee raising my arm in victory?
Mel Patell: Let’s say I do complete my journey to Connector City and you ended up pinning me and winning the match.. movie… whatever we’re talking about, do you know what Gable, I mean.. I would do? I’d be knocked the fuck out. It’s The Connector for Christ sakes, the move that prematurely shortened the career of Jayson Price when it broke his neck. So, yeah, I’d be out like a light, but whenever I woke up I’d just tell everybody I was taking a nap because the match was so boring.
Logan: Genius. John, do you think you will mention this match during the upcoming days when we encounter one another on Slam?
Mel Patell: Well, I speak for Gable because basically yeah, we’re the same. Both jobbers. Both no sell shit. Both never going to be main event. I’ll tell you this, Logan, John Gable is going to talk. He sure is. That motherfucker is going to talk A LOT this week going into that match, but is it going to be about his match? Or even about Slam or WCF itself? I seriously doubt it.
Logan: And why is it do you think that John Gable spends more time talking about things irrelevant to WCF in his promos than his actual opponents?
Mel Patell: How many times I got to say it? We’re the same person. We no sell. It’s what we do.
Logan looks back into the camera with that weird ass look. Man, he really has to shit.
Logan: I would suggest a solution to fix John Gables lack of opponent awareness.
Mel Patell: And that is?
Dag Riddik walks out onto the stage with a chair while Logan continues giving the camera that ‘look’, Dag smashes the chair over Mel Patell’s head and he slumps over and falls face down onto the stage.
Logan: Sold that didn’t you bitch? Ladies and gentlemen… the greatest International Champion since Joseph Stalin, DAG RIDDIK!
The audience cheers. They were obviously paid off. Dag nods at Logan and leaves the stage.
Logan: It was an honor having Mel Patell on Inside The Boudles Studio, the very spirit of John Gable was truly with us tonight. So, Gable, I have to ask you, and I honestly don’t expect an answer because I doubt you’ll mention me this week let alone respond – do you honestly believe in your heart of hearts that I’m not going to bring the turkey out of you and carve your boudle ass up on Slam? John Gooble will return. He will. And when he does you’re going to be goobling down tickets to Connector City. You may not care about this match, Gable, or maybe even realize it’s happening, but I do, and I’m going to show you what main event shit feels like. How long have you been here, John? Three, four years? You’ve yet to break out. You’re biggest success in that time was beating an injured on his way out Jonny Fly on some random Slam match. But when it comes to the high caliber stuff, the PPV all or nothing matches, you always… always… fail. John Gable is a bigger choke artist than Jayson Price and that is saying a lot.
The scene switches over to Dag Riddik and Logan sitting by the dock of the bay, watching that tide rolling in. They’re fishing for mermen, specifically Andre Aquarius.
Dag Riddik: What type of bait do you have?
Riddik nods to the cooler. Logan cracks the lid and pulls out a zip lock bag of pubic hair.
Logan: Not mine.
Dag Riddik: Disgusting.
The pubs belonged to Joey Flash. Don’t ask. Don’t tell.
Logan: Perfect bait when you’re fishing for an asshole from BeachKrew.
Dag Riddik: Seems about right.
Logan: Do you know why I brought you out here, Daggy boy?
He hands Dag a Miller Lite.
Dag Riddik: To see if we can catch ourselves an Andre Aquarius?
Logan: And to have a heart to heart. Man to man. Family discussion.
Dag Riddik: What’s on your mind?
Logan: You going to let me down and take the pin like in our last tag match?
Riddik dropped his fishing pool and stands up, as does Logan.
Logan: You getting hostile with me?
Dag Riddik: We were against the Trios Champions. Not only that but we both know that was a fluke.
Logan: A flute?
Dag Riddik: A fluk –
Logan: SHUT UP!
Now Logan drops his fishing pool. The pair glare at one another.
Logan: You made me drop my fishing pool. Might’ve had a Andre Aquarius on the line there. Are you proud of that?
Riddik blinks.
Logan: Are you proud of your leader, the Final Destination winner, getting humiliated last week by some swine like Katherine Phoenix while you’re off playing with your train set?
Logan grits his teeth getting in Dag’s face.
Logan: Are you proud of that?
Dag Riddik: … eh.
Logan: Yes? No?
Dag Riddik: I should have had your back.
Logan: You bet your caboose. But you didn’t. And I’m okay with it. You know why I’m okay? Because I let Katherine tie me up. Yeah. I let her torture me. I DID THAT FOR YOU, DAG. I BLED FOR YOU.
Dag Riddik: What?
Logan: I DID IT FOR CVC WHEREEVER THE HELL HE IS. I DID IT FOR YOU. FOR THE FAMILY.
A bit of spit flies out of Logan’s mouth onto Dag’s forehead. He goes to wipe it, however Logan grabs his hand.
Logan: Did you see me wiping off the blood and sweat I shed for you last Sunday when that piece of tranny trash Katherine was beating me? You honestly believe that little jobber could outsmart the greatest mind in this business? I let her, Dag. I let her to see what would you do… and what did you do, Dag?
Dag Riddik: I…
Logan: You didn’t do nothing!
Dag Riddik: She…
Logan: NOTHING.
Riddik nods his head.
Logan: You see this finger?
Logan holds up his index finger.
Logan: This thing alone has more talent and accomplishments in it then Katherine ever will have. This finger has helped hold up five WCF World Championships. When I point this gawd damn finger I expect you to follow its direction. Do you understand me or are you thinking about choo-choo trains?
Dag Riddik: …
Logan: Do you think I enjoy carrying you around? Do you think it pleases me? Do you think I wake up in the morning with a smile on my face and say it’s time to bring it extra hard just in case Dag Riddik might get his ass pinned again?
Dag Riddik: …
Logan: Look at my finger.
He sticks to near Dag’s face.
Logan: Make no mistake about this finger, Dag. I point. You kill. You get me? Understand? Do I need to setup a train set for you to better comprehend what I’m saying?
Dag Riddik: … no.
He points his finger towards the water.
Logan: Then go catch me a gawd damn Andre Aquarius.
He places his hand over Dag’s shoulder.
Logan: I wouldn’t be hard on you Dag if you weren’t my brother. My family. You stuck by me thick and thin these last three months while everybody else wanted to become a magician and disappear. You’re my boy, Dag. I want to take you with me. I want to share that spotlight with you. It’s you and I from here on out. Do you understand? I need a killer by my side. Are you a killer, Dag? Are you going to catch me an Andre and gut that son of a bitch and drop him off in my hands?
Riddik nearly grows upon his response.
Dag Riddik: YES.
Logan: Calm down.
He points his finger back towards the water.
Logan: Then go get that merman BoudleKrew motherfucker.
And with that Dag Riddik hops off the dock and into the water… what he’s actually after who knows. Logan looks on after Dag with a mixed stare of anger and pride.
Logan: GET HIM. YOU’RE MY BOY.
Logan turns his attention to the camera.
Logan: You know what you just witnessed? A gawd damn man named Dad Riddik grow a pair fins and become a shark. He’s swimming after your ass, Andre. He’s hungry. I’m hungry too. If he doesn’t catch you first I will. Promise you that. This isn’t a stupid ass random tag team match. This shit is personal. That’s the way I’m taking it. You watching this, Andre, you got your merman bunny ears tuned in to what I’m saying? I want to take your ass out. Not on a date. More like a trip to Connector City. A straight up beat down. You see, Aquarius, you should count your lucky stars you haven’t yet had the pleasure of me whooping your ass. It’s you, people like you really, that make me sick of what WCF is today. Back when I was building this bitch brick by brick, wrestling TWO shows a week for WCF, people like you were one show wonders. They didn’t last. This place is different now. It’s become comfortable with generic garbage under the spotlight. How do you break that comfort zone? Simple. You take a guy like me and you take his foot and you place it within the confines of your asshole. I’m breaking one off in you at Slam, waterboy. The tide is moving out ya fishy motherfucker and you’re going to get left out to dry.
We switch over to a house. Logan’s house. Also known as the house of treachery or the home residing the greatest star in WCF. Logan is sitting on a bench in front of a piano, one of those that automatically plays however he is pretending to play it and his singing is way out of tune. He’s doing his own rendition of “The House of The Rising Sun”.
Logan: Check this out boudles, after this thing hits the shelves you’ll want a copy asap.
And the singing begins.
Logan: There is a star in WCF / They call the greatest one / And he’s been the ruin of many a poor boudles / And Gable, he knows he’s one.
Logan has paid random people off the street to stand by and clap, which they do.
Logan: SHUT UP! I’m not done yet. Song isn’t over!
Singing continues.
Logan: His Mother was a total whore / She got down on her knees / His Father couldn’t stand him / And he left for New Orleans / Now the only thing a Gable needs / Is to actually mention a ring in his promos / And the only time he’s satisfied / Is when he’s on his knees.
Logan claps to himself and the piano keeps playing because he was never playing it to begin with.
Logan: Just like his Mom, huh? Chip off the old whore. Spit off the old blowjob. I’m done yet. I SAID I’M NOT DONE.
He coughs and the song continues, he puts his fingers back to the keys already on auto.
Logan: Oh, Gable, tell your partner, Andre / Not to do what you have done / Spend your promo not acknowledging me / For the Sunday that will come / Well, I got one foot in Gable’s ass / The other in the Lightskin Prince / I’m taking them both to Connector City / To make them all… MY BITCH.
Piano stops and the paid off audience goes into an uproar of cheers. Logan stands from the bench, bowing to the roses and sandwiches thrown at his feet.
Logan: Oh guys… you’re too kind. Really. Hey. You fellows ready for another song?
Some Guy From The Crowd: Are we getting paid more?
Logan: NO.
Logan hits a button on the piano.
Logan: Hello / It’s me.
People start leaving.
Logan: Where you going guys this angel is stretching his wings and singing.
Some Guy From Crowd: Torture did it better.
Logan’s eyes nearly explode from their sockets. He goes to grab after the guy, but ends up falling over off the bench and landing on his face. He immediately begins calling for Dag.
Logan: RIDDIK.
After a few moments Dag Riddik finally shows up, running down the stairs, and finds Logan on the floor.
Dag Riddik: What in the Hitler happened?
Logan: What does it look like…
Logan lies through his gritted teeth.
Logan: Gable and Andre showed up.
Dag Riddik: What?!
He continues lying.
Logan: I was hitting rights, lefts, boots and had both those sorry pieces of garbage on the way to Connector City, then BeachKrew showed up.
Dag Riddik: BeachKrew too?!
Logan: YEAH. BEACHKREW. Every single of one of them showed up, and I was throwing more rights, more lefts, and even got my boot stuck up someone’s ass.
Dag Riddik: Really?
Logan: Yeah. Smell it.
Dag Riddik: No.
Logan: I was handling business like Gable’s mom in a rubber dick shop. I was grabbing heads, smashing boudles, had it under controlled.
Dag Riddik: So what happened?!
Logan: I’m still telling you the story! Can I finish? Do you mind? The train set is still going to be there when you come back.
He continues to lie.
Logan: Then fuckin’ Superman showed up and wanted a piece of Mr. WCF.
Dag Riddik: Superman?!
Logan: Yeah. He’s real. And I beat his ass.
Dag Riddik: So you took down John Gable, Andre and the rest of BeachKrew, and then Superman. How’d you end up like this?
Logan: … you tell me.
Logan gets up and brushes himself off. He walks over to a bookshelf and pulls a DVD out, it reads, “TORTURE GREATEST HITS”.
Logan: After I got done taking all those boudle bitches to Connector City and threw them out of my house, I came back in to make myself a sandwich and then I seen THIS.
He pushes the DVD in Dag’s chest.
Logan: It gave me a damn stroke. What is this doing here?
Dag Riddik: It’s not mine…
Riddik examines the DVD case.
Logan: You joshing me?
Dag Riddik: Never.
Logan: You going to pull a Gable and no sell this?
Dag Riddik: I didn’t know this was here.
Logan’s demeanor completely changes, he starts laughing, patting Dag on the back.
Logan: I’m just kidding you, Dag. Haha.
Dag laughs some too; however Logan instantly stops and goes back to giving Dag a serious stare.
Logan: Give me that damn DVD.
Logan snatches the DVD box away from Dag and tries to break it over his knee, however fails. He gets frustrated enough with it that he throws it across the room and it hits a glass vase breaking it. Dag and Logan stare at the mess.
Logan: I’m sending Torture a bill for that.
Scene ends.
Logan: The former actor turned wrestler has appeared in many starring roles. From the days he believed he was a turkey, to the countless and countless and do I mean countless promos he provides us that rarely ever bring up his opponents name, all the way up until recently when he makes his return to the big screen in his very own feature film… ‘John Gable Goes To Connector City’. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s my honor to introduce to you to Inside The Boudles Studio for the very first and hopefully last time… JOHN GABLE.
The camera keeps zooming in on Logan’s face which portrays this look like he’s super constipated and is currently trying to shit. Mel “The No Sell” Patell (see jobber roster), the one and only, walks out onto the stage and sits down. Logan is quite surprised by this.
Logan: I expected John Gable or at the very least someone pretending to be John Gable. Who might you be?
Mel Patell: My name is Mel. You see, basically, I can’t be touched. They try to say I’m not selling, but the truth is I have never thought it was important to ever acknowledge my opponents throughout the week or even during matches. Like, I know I’m in the ring, and I do this mixed karate shit randomly if someone tags me or something, but I don’t even know if I’m trying to hit my opponent. I just start doing moves and if someone is near hopefully it connects.
Logan: Ladies and gentlemen…
The camera goes back on Logan’s face like he needs to take the biggest dump ever but cannot.
Logan: JOHN GABLE.
Mel Patell: More or less. I’d agree with you but John Gable doesn’t deserve to be ranked with Mel “No Sell” Patell.
Logan: Yeah, well, either way I’m going to speak to you as if you were in fact John Gable.
Mel Patell: I’ll bite.
Logan: You’re basically the same personality. So, John Gable…
A sigh comes from Mel. He’s probably thinking screw it, haven’t had any screen time in months.
Logan: What can you tell me about your new upcoming film, “John Gable Goes To Connector City.”
Mel Patell: Well, you know, if it was me making the movie I would probably act like I didn’t have a clue what Connector City is despite the fact that the phrase has been around for a decade or so.
Logan: Interesting. Tell me, Gable, in the movie when your character makes it to Connector City what does he see other than a referee raising my arm in victory?
Mel Patell: Let’s say I do complete my journey to Connector City and you ended up pinning me and winning the match.. movie… whatever we’re talking about, do you know what Gable, I mean.. I would do? I’d be knocked the fuck out. It’s The Connector for Christ sakes, the move that prematurely shortened the career of Jayson Price when it broke his neck. So, yeah, I’d be out like a light, but whenever I woke up I’d just tell everybody I was taking a nap because the match was so boring.
Logan: Genius. John, do you think you will mention this match during the upcoming days when we encounter one another on Slam?
Mel Patell: Well, I speak for Gable because basically yeah, we’re the same. Both jobbers. Both no sell shit. Both never going to be main event. I’ll tell you this, Logan, John Gable is going to talk. He sure is. That motherfucker is going to talk A LOT this week going into that match, but is it going to be about his match? Or even about Slam or WCF itself? I seriously doubt it.
Logan: And why is it do you think that John Gable spends more time talking about things irrelevant to WCF in his promos than his actual opponents?
Mel Patell: How many times I got to say it? We’re the same person. We no sell. It’s what we do.
Logan looks back into the camera with that weird ass look. Man, he really has to shit.
Logan: I would suggest a solution to fix John Gables lack of opponent awareness.
Mel Patell: And that is?
Dag Riddik walks out onto the stage with a chair while Logan continues giving the camera that ‘look’, Dag smashes the chair over Mel Patell’s head and he slumps over and falls face down onto the stage.
Logan: Sold that didn’t you bitch? Ladies and gentlemen… the greatest International Champion since Joseph Stalin, DAG RIDDIK!
The audience cheers. They were obviously paid off. Dag nods at Logan and leaves the stage.
Logan: It was an honor having Mel Patell on Inside The Boudles Studio, the very spirit of John Gable was truly with us tonight. So, Gable, I have to ask you, and I honestly don’t expect an answer because I doubt you’ll mention me this week let alone respond – do you honestly believe in your heart of hearts that I’m not going to bring the turkey out of you and carve your boudle ass up on Slam? John Gooble will return. He will. And when he does you’re going to be goobling down tickets to Connector City. You may not care about this match, Gable, or maybe even realize it’s happening, but I do, and I’m going to show you what main event shit feels like. How long have you been here, John? Three, four years? You’ve yet to break out. You’re biggest success in that time was beating an injured on his way out Jonny Fly on some random Slam match. But when it comes to the high caliber stuff, the PPV all or nothing matches, you always… always… fail. John Gable is a bigger choke artist than Jayson Price and that is saying a lot.
The scene switches over to Dag Riddik and Logan sitting by the dock of the bay, watching that tide rolling in. They’re fishing for mermen, specifically Andre Aquarius.
Dag Riddik: What type of bait do you have?
Riddik nods to the cooler. Logan cracks the lid and pulls out a zip lock bag of pubic hair.
Logan: Not mine.
Dag Riddik: Disgusting.
The pubs belonged to Joey Flash. Don’t ask. Don’t tell.
Logan: Perfect bait when you’re fishing for an asshole from BeachKrew.
Dag Riddik: Seems about right.
Logan: Do you know why I brought you out here, Daggy boy?
He hands Dag a Miller Lite.
Dag Riddik: To see if we can catch ourselves an Andre Aquarius?
Logan: And to have a heart to heart. Man to man. Family discussion.
Dag Riddik: What’s on your mind?
Logan: You going to let me down and take the pin like in our last tag match?
Riddik dropped his fishing pool and stands up, as does Logan.
Logan: You getting hostile with me?
Dag Riddik: We were against the Trios Champions. Not only that but we both know that was a fluke.
Logan: A flute?
Dag Riddik: A fluk –
Logan: SHUT UP!
Now Logan drops his fishing pool. The pair glare at one another.
Logan: You made me drop my fishing pool. Might’ve had a Andre Aquarius on the line there. Are you proud of that?
Riddik blinks.
Logan: Are you proud of your leader, the Final Destination winner, getting humiliated last week by some swine like Katherine Phoenix while you’re off playing with your train set?
Logan grits his teeth getting in Dag’s face.
Logan: Are you proud of that?
Dag Riddik: … eh.
Logan: Yes? No?
Dag Riddik: I should have had your back.
Logan: You bet your caboose. But you didn’t. And I’m okay with it. You know why I’m okay? Because I let Katherine tie me up. Yeah. I let her torture me. I DID THAT FOR YOU, DAG. I BLED FOR YOU.
Dag Riddik: What?
Logan: I DID IT FOR CVC WHEREEVER THE HELL HE IS. I DID IT FOR YOU. FOR THE FAMILY.
A bit of spit flies out of Logan’s mouth onto Dag’s forehead. He goes to wipe it, however Logan grabs his hand.
Logan: Did you see me wiping off the blood and sweat I shed for you last Sunday when that piece of tranny trash Katherine was beating me? You honestly believe that little jobber could outsmart the greatest mind in this business? I let her, Dag. I let her to see what would you do… and what did you do, Dag?
Dag Riddik: I…
Logan: You didn’t do nothing!
Dag Riddik: She…
Logan: NOTHING.
Riddik nods his head.
Logan: You see this finger?
Logan holds up his index finger.
Logan: This thing alone has more talent and accomplishments in it then Katherine ever will have. This finger has helped hold up five WCF World Championships. When I point this gawd damn finger I expect you to follow its direction. Do you understand me or are you thinking about choo-choo trains?
Dag Riddik: …
Logan: Do you think I enjoy carrying you around? Do you think it pleases me? Do you think I wake up in the morning with a smile on my face and say it’s time to bring it extra hard just in case Dag Riddik might get his ass pinned again?
Dag Riddik: …
Logan: Look at my finger.
He sticks to near Dag’s face.
Logan: Make no mistake about this finger, Dag. I point. You kill. You get me? Understand? Do I need to setup a train set for you to better comprehend what I’m saying?
Dag Riddik: … no.
He points his finger towards the water.
Logan: Then go catch me a gawd damn Andre Aquarius.
He places his hand over Dag’s shoulder.
Logan: I wouldn’t be hard on you Dag if you weren’t my brother. My family. You stuck by me thick and thin these last three months while everybody else wanted to become a magician and disappear. You’re my boy, Dag. I want to take you with me. I want to share that spotlight with you. It’s you and I from here on out. Do you understand? I need a killer by my side. Are you a killer, Dag? Are you going to catch me an Andre and gut that son of a bitch and drop him off in my hands?
Riddik nearly grows upon his response.
Dag Riddik: YES.
Logan: Calm down.
He points his finger back towards the water.
Logan: Then go get that merman BoudleKrew motherfucker.
And with that Dag Riddik hops off the dock and into the water… what he’s actually after who knows. Logan looks on after Dag with a mixed stare of anger and pride.
Logan: GET HIM. YOU’RE MY BOY.
Logan turns his attention to the camera.
Logan: You know what you just witnessed? A gawd damn man named Dad Riddik grow a pair fins and become a shark. He’s swimming after your ass, Andre. He’s hungry. I’m hungry too. If he doesn’t catch you first I will. Promise you that. This isn’t a stupid ass random tag team match. This shit is personal. That’s the way I’m taking it. You watching this, Andre, you got your merman bunny ears tuned in to what I’m saying? I want to take your ass out. Not on a date. More like a trip to Connector City. A straight up beat down. You see, Aquarius, you should count your lucky stars you haven’t yet had the pleasure of me whooping your ass. It’s you, people like you really, that make me sick of what WCF is today. Back when I was building this bitch brick by brick, wrestling TWO shows a week for WCF, people like you were one show wonders. They didn’t last. This place is different now. It’s become comfortable with generic garbage under the spotlight. How do you break that comfort zone? Simple. You take a guy like me and you take his foot and you place it within the confines of your asshole. I’m breaking one off in you at Slam, waterboy. The tide is moving out ya fishy motherfucker and you’re going to get left out to dry.
We switch over to a house. Logan’s house. Also known as the house of treachery or the home residing the greatest star in WCF. Logan is sitting on a bench in front of a piano, one of those that automatically plays however he is pretending to play it and his singing is way out of tune. He’s doing his own rendition of “The House of The Rising Sun”.
Logan: Check this out boudles, after this thing hits the shelves you’ll want a copy asap.
And the singing begins.
Logan: There is a star in WCF / They call the greatest one / And he’s been the ruin of many a poor boudles / And Gable, he knows he’s one.
Logan has paid random people off the street to stand by and clap, which they do.
Logan: SHUT UP! I’m not done yet. Song isn’t over!
Singing continues.
Logan: His Mother was a total whore / She got down on her knees / His Father couldn’t stand him / And he left for New Orleans / Now the only thing a Gable needs / Is to actually mention a ring in his promos / And the only time he’s satisfied / Is when he’s on his knees.
Logan claps to himself and the piano keeps playing because he was never playing it to begin with.
Logan: Just like his Mom, huh? Chip off the old whore. Spit off the old blowjob. I’m done yet. I SAID I’M NOT DONE.
He coughs and the song continues, he puts his fingers back to the keys already on auto.
Logan: Oh, Gable, tell your partner, Andre / Not to do what you have done / Spend your promo not acknowledging me / For the Sunday that will come / Well, I got one foot in Gable’s ass / The other in the Lightskin Prince / I’m taking them both to Connector City / To make them all… MY BITCH.
Piano stops and the paid off audience goes into an uproar of cheers. Logan stands from the bench, bowing to the roses and sandwiches thrown at his feet.
Logan: Oh guys… you’re too kind. Really. Hey. You fellows ready for another song?
Some Guy From The Crowd: Are we getting paid more?
Logan: NO.
Logan hits a button on the piano.
Logan: Hello / It’s me.
People start leaving.
Logan: Where you going guys this angel is stretching his wings and singing.
Some Guy From Crowd: Torture did it better.
Logan’s eyes nearly explode from their sockets. He goes to grab after the guy, but ends up falling over off the bench and landing on his face. He immediately begins calling for Dag.
Logan: RIDDIK.
After a few moments Dag Riddik finally shows up, running down the stairs, and finds Logan on the floor.
Dag Riddik: What in the Hitler happened?
Logan: What does it look like…
Logan lies through his gritted teeth.
Logan: Gable and Andre showed up.
Dag Riddik: What?!
He continues lying.
Logan: I was hitting rights, lefts, boots and had both those sorry pieces of garbage on the way to Connector City, then BeachKrew showed up.
Dag Riddik: BeachKrew too?!
Logan: YEAH. BEACHKREW. Every single of one of them showed up, and I was throwing more rights, more lefts, and even got my boot stuck up someone’s ass.
Dag Riddik: Really?
Logan: Yeah. Smell it.
Dag Riddik: No.
Logan: I was handling business like Gable’s mom in a rubber dick shop. I was grabbing heads, smashing boudles, had it under controlled.
Dag Riddik: So what happened?!
Logan: I’m still telling you the story! Can I finish? Do you mind? The train set is still going to be there when you come back.
He continues to lie.
Logan: Then fuckin’ Superman showed up and wanted a piece of Mr. WCF.
Dag Riddik: Superman?!
Logan: Yeah. He’s real. And I beat his ass.
Dag Riddik: So you took down John Gable, Andre and the rest of BeachKrew, and then Superman. How’d you end up like this?
Logan: … you tell me.
Logan gets up and brushes himself off. He walks over to a bookshelf and pulls a DVD out, it reads, “TORTURE GREATEST HITS”.
Logan: After I got done taking all those boudle bitches to Connector City and threw them out of my house, I came back in to make myself a sandwich and then I seen THIS.
He pushes the DVD in Dag’s chest.
Logan: It gave me a damn stroke. What is this doing here?
Dag Riddik: It’s not mine…
Riddik examines the DVD case.
Logan: You joshing me?
Dag Riddik: Never.
Logan: You going to pull a Gable and no sell this?
Dag Riddik: I didn’t know this was here.
Logan’s demeanor completely changes, he starts laughing, patting Dag on the back.
Logan: I’m just kidding you, Dag. Haha.
Dag laughs some too; however Logan instantly stops and goes back to giving Dag a serious stare.
Logan: Give me that damn DVD.
Logan snatches the DVD box away from Dag and tries to break it over his knee, however fails. He gets frustrated enough with it that he throws it across the room and it hits a glass vase breaking it. Dag and Logan stare at the mess.
Logan: I’m sending Torture a bill for that.
Scene ends.
