Post by David Alastair on Dec 28, 2006 19:59:02 GMT -5
The scene opens with David and Craig sitting at the kitchen table. Craig is busy reading the sports section of the newspaper while David stares off into space.
Craig sighs.
Craig: You know, David, this is Chargers year this year. LT is running people over, Sean Merriman is nominated as this year’s Mister Roid-Rage, and for once…it’s been a pretty decent week this week.
Coming back into reality, David blinks a few times.
David: But the Buccaneers are sucking big loads of dicky-doo this year. That, my friend, is something you can’t be proud of.
Craig: Dude, shut the fuck up.
A slight pause develops, before being broken by a thought.
David: Wait a minute…
Craig: Hmmm?
David: Speaking of dicky-doo, we better see if Adam is still going to meet us at Gamestop today.
Craig: Sigh. Perhaps we have to give ole Ray a call while we’re at it.
David: Nah. Let’s not call and surprise him or something.
Craig: Uh…usually when we do that, he’s sleeping. And his dad is piss ass drunk and tries to give me free beer. God, I hate beer.
David: Why are you talking about beer for? You’re under-aged, you pansy.
Craig: But still though…
David walks offscreen and grabs the car keys. After a moment or two, David comes back into view.
David: Let’s go…
-------------------------------------------------------
The setting definitely changes at this point. We go from Craig and David’s kitchen to Ray’s room, where Ray is busy playing the latest and greatest video games on the face of this planet. As of this moment, Ray’s eyes are locked towards the television screen in front of him as he utilizes his hand-eye coordination to navigate through his desired game. That is…until the barking of dogs can be heard. On cue, Ray groans as he gets to his feet, his legs still a bit dazed after sitting down Indian style for the past few hours.
As Ray walks to the door, he notices two familiar faces. He unlocks the door and opens it.
Ray: Hey guys, what’s up?
Craig and David automatically step inside the door.
Craig: Nothing much, how about yourself?
Ray: Stupid Angela, making fun of me again! Saying that she can fix computers and play video games using only her left hand. She’s got jokes, but my brother’s are better.
David cocks an eyebrow.
David: Maybe you should stop talking to her, Ray…
Ray yawns.
Ray: Probably. But I give her shit all the time and stuff.
Craig: Indeed. Anyways, I was talking to Adam and we’re supposed to meet him at Gamestop. Care to come with us?
Ray clears his throat.
Ray: Might as well, I got nothing else to do.
And so, the guys pile into the car and head towards Gamestop.
-------------------------------------------
Along the way…
Ray: Dude, I saw the guys that you are facing this Sunday on TV. Man, they are more stupider than Angela!
Ray, sitting in the backseat, laughs at his own comment. While David, behind the wheel, simply nods his head as Craig sits shotgun.
David: That’s ever so true, my friend. However, everybody gets everything wrong.
Craig: How so?
David: Well, remember when my wife got murdered and such?
Craig: Not exactly, but go on…
David: I went to Japan for ahem, "rehab". And what’s really funny is that Mr. Vice thinks that Hope is a guy and that I do drugs, which is definitely not the case.
Ray: ...Oh hell no…
David: Exactly. Then, after that match with CD, I went into hiatus before going to Y-Pro. Blah, blah, blah, these guys don’t know anything about me.
Craig: No shit. They spelled my name with a fucking “c”. I mean, c’mon… how retarded can you get?
David: Pretty goddamn retarded. Like this asshole right in front of me. GODDAMMIT! USE YOUR GODDAMN TURN SIGNAL! FUCKING DUMBSHIT! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WAS YOUR MOTHER A FUCKING CRACK ADDICT?!
Craig: EXTREME CHEDDAR!
Ray cackles madly as David continues to cuss out the traffic around him.
David: YOU CAN SUCK MY DICK OR COCK, YOU MOTHERFUCK!
Craig: LET’S DRINK SOME MOUNTAIN DEW! YEAH, I’M SO EXTREME!
David, showing a wee bit of frustration, grimaces at Craig.
David: Ugh. Enough with the Harold and Kumar stuff already...
Craig: EXTREME DORITOS! YEAH!
David sighs in disgust as Craig claims victory by laughing and pointing at his tag team partner. Finally, David made his way to a parking spot outside of Gamestop. The three get out of the car and make their way in.
----------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, Sean (Ray’s younger brother) is busy catering to the constant juggle of pricing certain video games for an upcoming sale, answering questions for potential customers, and trying to piece together a conversation with Adam. Once the three get inside the door, Adam comes on up.
Adam: What’s going on, guys?
Ray snaps his fingers and points upwards.
Ray: Dude, I gotta tell you that the new Zelda is… the… shit…!
Adam: I know. But I don’t like the little green guy that sits on your back while you’re that wolf.
Ray: Bad thing is that you can’t get him off...
David: Man, I wish you can just superkick that little motherfucker off your back.
Craig: WITH MOUNTIAN DEW EXTREME!
David, as well as Ray and Adam, blink a few times in disbelief.
Adam: Damn. Harold and Kumar is a good movie, isn't it?
Craig nods as he grins from ear to ear.
Craig: You know it! IT IS SO XTREME!
While CDS and the New Messiah go back to talking gamer jargon with Ray and Adam, two lanky, toothless hicks come up in front of an already busy Sean, who is present behind the counter.
Hick #1: Dehh…you gots them MotherTruckers Three?
Hick #2: Yeah, huh huh huh…The one with teh semi trailers?
Sean sighs.
Sean: I’m afraid not, guys.
The hicks’ jaws drop simultaneously.
Hick #1: What’d yas mean you don’t got no MotherTruckers Three?!
Hick #2: This here magazine says that it’s a comin’ out today!
The hick then gives Sean the magazine. After taking a brief read, Sean rolls his eyes.
Sean: Uh, actually…the game you were looking at was a Cabela’s Deer Hunter game.
The hicks then look at each other and scratch their heads.
Hick #2: Don’t MotherTruckers Three have you shooting them deers, too?
Noticing that Sean is in trouble, Craig and David nod in unison and head over in Sean’s direction. By the time they get over there, the hicks start to get sour.
Hick #1: I reckon that I beat you up now, Mr. Gamestop Man!
Hick #2 chuckles and cracks his knuckles while bearing a cavity filled grin. Suddenly, David comes barging in on the conversation.
David: Excuse me, there’s some need for a clean up on aisle three…
The one hick turns around only to meet a lariat and a sweeping kick at the same time. The hick basically got “knocked the fuck out”. Ray, Adam, and Sean mark out like bitches. The other hick, noticing David and Craig just took out his partner in crime, suddenly began to chop and kick the air around him.
Hick: Don’t yous be messing with me! I know---
Cutting him off, Craig plants a stiff kick to the groin. The hick then falls to his knees, and face plants the carpet.
Sean: Whoa. That was pretty nasty. I’d say that you guys are gonna handle that Danny Vice and Biggs pretty well.
David: We better. Right, Craig?
Craig nods.
Craig: Indeed.
Sean: However, I bet word will get out in the sticks about what happened. It’s either going to be no business here from the hicks for a while…which will have sales fall to the floor, or have the hicks come back with baseball bats.
David: Wouldn’t you be in danger then, Sean?
Sean: Pfft…fuck no. I start my new job as a tech guy at the local community college tomorrow. So I guess it’s a win-win for everybody. Except for Gamestop, that is…
As if on cue, everybody does the cliché laugh. From there, the setting filters from the realm of Gamestop to complete darkness.
Craig sighs.
Craig: You know, David, this is Chargers year this year. LT is running people over, Sean Merriman is nominated as this year’s Mister Roid-Rage, and for once…it’s been a pretty decent week this week.
Coming back into reality, David blinks a few times.
David: But the Buccaneers are sucking big loads of dicky-doo this year. That, my friend, is something you can’t be proud of.
Craig: Dude, shut the fuck up.
A slight pause develops, before being broken by a thought.
David: Wait a minute…
Craig: Hmmm?
David: Speaking of dicky-doo, we better see if Adam is still going to meet us at Gamestop today.
Craig: Sigh. Perhaps we have to give ole Ray a call while we’re at it.
David: Nah. Let’s not call and surprise him or something.
Craig: Uh…usually when we do that, he’s sleeping. And his dad is piss ass drunk and tries to give me free beer. God, I hate beer.
David: Why are you talking about beer for? You’re under-aged, you pansy.
Craig: But still though…
David walks offscreen and grabs the car keys. After a moment or two, David comes back into view.
David: Let’s go…
-------------------------------------------------------
The setting definitely changes at this point. We go from Craig and David’s kitchen to Ray’s room, where Ray is busy playing the latest and greatest video games on the face of this planet. As of this moment, Ray’s eyes are locked towards the television screen in front of him as he utilizes his hand-eye coordination to navigate through his desired game. That is…until the barking of dogs can be heard. On cue, Ray groans as he gets to his feet, his legs still a bit dazed after sitting down Indian style for the past few hours.
As Ray walks to the door, he notices two familiar faces. He unlocks the door and opens it.
Ray: Hey guys, what’s up?
Craig and David automatically step inside the door.
Craig: Nothing much, how about yourself?
Ray: Stupid Angela, making fun of me again! Saying that she can fix computers and play video games using only her left hand. She’s got jokes, but my brother’s are better.
David cocks an eyebrow.
David: Maybe you should stop talking to her, Ray…
Ray yawns.
Ray: Probably. But I give her shit all the time and stuff.
Craig: Indeed. Anyways, I was talking to Adam and we’re supposed to meet him at Gamestop. Care to come with us?
Ray clears his throat.
Ray: Might as well, I got nothing else to do.
And so, the guys pile into the car and head towards Gamestop.
-------------------------------------------
Along the way…
Ray: Dude, I saw the guys that you are facing this Sunday on TV. Man, they are more stupider than Angela!
Ray, sitting in the backseat, laughs at his own comment. While David, behind the wheel, simply nods his head as Craig sits shotgun.
David: That’s ever so true, my friend. However, everybody gets everything wrong.
Craig: How so?
David: Well, remember when my wife got murdered and such?
Craig: Not exactly, but go on…
David: I went to Japan for ahem, "rehab". And what’s really funny is that Mr. Vice thinks that Hope is a guy and that I do drugs, which is definitely not the case.
Ray: ...Oh hell no…
David: Exactly. Then, after that match with CD, I went into hiatus before going to Y-Pro. Blah, blah, blah, these guys don’t know anything about me.
Craig: No shit. They spelled my name with a fucking “c”. I mean, c’mon… how retarded can you get?
David: Pretty goddamn retarded. Like this asshole right in front of me. GODDAMMIT! USE YOUR GODDAMN TURN SIGNAL! FUCKING DUMBSHIT! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WAS YOUR MOTHER A FUCKING CRACK ADDICT?!
Craig: EXTREME CHEDDAR!
Ray cackles madly as David continues to cuss out the traffic around him.
David: YOU CAN SUCK MY DICK OR COCK, YOU MOTHERFUCK!
Craig: LET’S DRINK SOME MOUNTAIN DEW! YEAH, I’M SO EXTREME!
David, showing a wee bit of frustration, grimaces at Craig.
David: Ugh. Enough with the Harold and Kumar stuff already...
Craig: EXTREME DORITOS! YEAH!
David sighs in disgust as Craig claims victory by laughing and pointing at his tag team partner. Finally, David made his way to a parking spot outside of Gamestop. The three get out of the car and make their way in.
----------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, Sean (Ray’s younger brother) is busy catering to the constant juggle of pricing certain video games for an upcoming sale, answering questions for potential customers, and trying to piece together a conversation with Adam. Once the three get inside the door, Adam comes on up.
Adam: What’s going on, guys?
Ray snaps his fingers and points upwards.
Ray: Dude, I gotta tell you that the new Zelda is… the… shit…!
Adam: I know. But I don’t like the little green guy that sits on your back while you’re that wolf.
Ray: Bad thing is that you can’t get him off...
David: Man, I wish you can just superkick that little motherfucker off your back.
Craig: WITH MOUNTIAN DEW EXTREME!
David, as well as Ray and Adam, blink a few times in disbelief.
Adam: Damn. Harold and Kumar is a good movie, isn't it?
Craig nods as he grins from ear to ear.
Craig: You know it! IT IS SO XTREME!
While CDS and the New Messiah go back to talking gamer jargon with Ray and Adam, two lanky, toothless hicks come up in front of an already busy Sean, who is present behind the counter.
Hick #1: Dehh…you gots them MotherTruckers Three?
Hick #2: Yeah, huh huh huh…The one with teh semi trailers?
Sean sighs.
Sean: I’m afraid not, guys.
The hicks’ jaws drop simultaneously.
Hick #1: What’d yas mean you don’t got no MotherTruckers Three?!
Hick #2: This here magazine says that it’s a comin’ out today!
The hick then gives Sean the magazine. After taking a brief read, Sean rolls his eyes.
Sean: Uh, actually…the game you were looking at was a Cabela’s Deer Hunter game.
The hicks then look at each other and scratch their heads.
Hick #2: Don’t MotherTruckers Three have you shooting them deers, too?
Noticing that Sean is in trouble, Craig and David nod in unison and head over in Sean’s direction. By the time they get over there, the hicks start to get sour.
Hick #1: I reckon that I beat you up now, Mr. Gamestop Man!
Hick #2 chuckles and cracks his knuckles while bearing a cavity filled grin. Suddenly, David comes barging in on the conversation.
David: Excuse me, there’s some need for a clean up on aisle three…
The one hick turns around only to meet a lariat and a sweeping kick at the same time. The hick basically got “knocked the fuck out”. Ray, Adam, and Sean mark out like bitches. The other hick, noticing David and Craig just took out his partner in crime, suddenly began to chop and kick the air around him.
Hick: Don’t yous be messing with me! I know---
Cutting him off, Craig plants a stiff kick to the groin. The hick then falls to his knees, and face plants the carpet.
Sean: Whoa. That was pretty nasty. I’d say that you guys are gonna handle that Danny Vice and Biggs pretty well.
David: We better. Right, Craig?
Craig nods.
Craig: Indeed.
Sean: However, I bet word will get out in the sticks about what happened. It’s either going to be no business here from the hicks for a while…which will have sales fall to the floor, or have the hicks come back with baseball bats.
David: Wouldn’t you be in danger then, Sean?
Sean: Pfft…fuck no. I start my new job as a tech guy at the local community college tomorrow. So I guess it’s a win-win for everybody. Except for Gamestop, that is…
As if on cue, everybody does the cliché laugh. From there, the setting filters from the realm of Gamestop to complete darkness.
