cOLOR mE bAD

[Tiffany White]

PROMO #11 - cOLOR mE bAD

"...all I can promise is that on Sunday, when that bell rings, I will be fighting as hard as any of them to keep the title I currently possess: Television Champion. Scout’s Honor.”

It had been about the fourth time I had seen this video. If you asked me to I could probably recite the whole promo word for word. I watched it as part of my "homework" so to speak concerning my match against the big ole barrel of fucks Stuart Slane at Slam, and not only did I want to get this promo I was about to shoot just right, but I also needed to know everything I could possible get my hands on about Slane. No doubt in my mind the guy was gonna do his homework on me, it would be stupid of me not to do the same.

Hank Brown stood beside me, getting obviously impatient with me as I stood in front of the camera, WCF backdrop behind me, ready to start recording.

Hank: You done now? There's other stuff I need to get done today, yknow?

Tiffany: Nah, I'm good. Needed to get this juuuust right. Oh wait, one more thing...

I gave my neck a quick crack popped my fingers to relax and loosen them up.

Tiffany: Okay, I'm ready.

Hank nodded, and soon the lights were on. I stared into camera with my best "dead eyes" look possible, trying to show as close to no emotion as I could, with a voice as robotic as the fuckin' Robocop.

Tiffany: This Sunday night on Sunday Night Slam I am scheduled for a one-on-one match with Television Champion Stuart Slane. This bout is for the right to be called said-Television Champion. If I were to win this bout it would be my first title win in my short history with the Wrestling Championship Federation. I believe if I can pin his shoulders to the mat for the 1-2-3 count like I know I will, then I shall be victorious, and I will walk out of the building with the gold around my waist...a waist I find to be particularly of sexual interest to many a wrestler and wrestling fan, mind you.

Do I believe Slane is a good wrestler? Indeed I do. The man is a fine wrestler all in all. But even the finest of wrestlers fall victim to the cruelest mistress of all. No I'm not talking about myself, silly. I am instead referring to Lady Luck and her wily antics that undermine us all. Unlike other titles in the WCF, the Television Championship is the only one that may change hands by a disqualification. That is but one more way I can come out on top against Slane on Sunday, if indeed my current trend of bad luck continues as it has been.

Slane, I know you shall be bringing you best out there on Sunday...just know I'll be bringing out my best as well. And I can assure you, my best is much better then your best. Scout's Honor? Scout's Honor.

I coughed about three times, my voice getting wrecked in having to deliver such a lifeless promo. I couldn't understand how Slane did it week in and week out.

Tiffany: I'm sorry, I can't keep this up. It's too much on my throat, man.

Let's get fuckin real here, Slane. You're probably thinking that you're gonna walk into Slam just facing another nobody on your way to battling Shadowlove, the ultimate nobody. BOY, ARE YOU MISTAKEN. You've getting a lot of lucky breaks since you won that belt from Dustin Beaver back in January. It's just like what I was talking about on twitter. You've been defending that belt against legitimate JOBBERS for over three months. You need a fuckin list? I got that shit memorized bro.

-Bad News Benson
-Andre Holmes
-Dustin Beaver
-DeMarcus Jordan
-CJ Phoenix (LOL HUE WORLD ORDER)
-CJ Phoenix again
-Lucious Starr
-The Rad Russian
-Great Power Buti
-Travis Tusk

Lemme ask you Slane, how many people in that group are fuckin worth a damn? The only one I can think of is Andre Holmes cause he at least managed to become Tag Champ, but he's a grade-A fuckboy so it balances out, I guess. Fuck, just look at Lucious and where he is now. You merely beat him, I damn near humiliated him out of the goddamn federation. I don't play no games, Slane. I take this shit serious.

I'm the first real talent you've defended against since you beat Beaver for the belt, Slane. I'm the fucking definition of "perfect contender" for the TV title. The TV title is meant to give the newer talent who deserve the opportunity to shine and show off their chops, and that's exactly what I am. Most talent like myself had to flounder in the lower card for Timebomb, some were lucky to make it to the Trilogy Cup Battle Royal. Not me. Nuh-uh, I'm so damn good they stuck me right into the tournament itself.

You're going to regret that offer you made me on Twitter, Slane. You weren't on my radar of people to care about until you gave me that title shot. Were your panties in such a bunch from me calling you out on your shitty reign that you gave me the shot just to make yourself feel better? Ha. Fuckin'. Ha. Well Slane, I hope that it's been fun showing that belt off to the little orphans in Mexico, cause once I'm done with you, you'll never be seeing it again. Tiff's Honor.